In May 2019 I lost my job without notice. Two months later I was still struggling to find work and I only had 0.33 cents in my bank account. I was being threatened with eviction and my electricity was 24hrs away from being turned off. I was answering surveys for pennies, selling my clothes for money, and I had eaten nothing but ramen for weeks when I posted to r/slavelabour offering to review Redditors' dating profiles for $5. My inbox exploded with responses and it's still the highest upvoted seller post in slavelabour's history.

This incredible ride has been one of the craziest experiences of my life. I earned my masters degree in clinical social work and I plan to continue with Advice by Chloe until I finish my PhD. I absolutely love my job, and it all started with a desperate post to Reddit and the amazing support I received here.

I did an AMA about 6 months ago, but I wasn't able to answer all the questions I received because of time constraints. It's the start of summer and vaccinations are increasing- so it feels like the perfect time to talk about dating... or we can just chill while I do hours of runecrafting. Ask me Anything :)

slave labour post from a year ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/slavelabour/comments/cfngcp/offer_i_will_make_your_dating_profile/

My website now: https://www.advicebychloe.com/

Verification: https://i.imgur.com/bqg3vTC.mp4

Comments: 1248 • Responses: 84  • Date: 

Mattius781080 karma

What’s the biggest mistake people make on a date?

thotgirlisalady2226 karma

Struggles with communication. Usually in the form of freezing up or over-talking because of anxiety. Learning how to stay present in the moment and reading the level of engagement from your partner is really helpful for a great first date. A lot of people are so focused on checking all the boxes that they're oblivious to how their date is responding to them. I often tell my overtalkers to firmly but gently pinch their thigh when they start talking, and the longer you go the more uncomfortable the pressure on your thigh will be. If your thigh is burning, it's time to stop talking man haha.

FEwood1877 karma

I pinched a girl’s thigh on the first date once when she was talking too much. It really works! She got up and stormed out of the restaurant.

thotgirlisalady319 karma

bahahaa

MrGerbear675 karma

What's the weirdest/most hilarious profile you've reviewed? A lot of people on the apps really have very little self-awareness sometimes haha

thotgirlisalady2259 karma

oh my god. There are SO MANY. My favourite all of time is a dude I spent 30 minutes trying to convince not to wear his "Young, Dumb, & Full of Cum" shirt. He was 40.

MrGerbear536 karma

...I have so many follow-up questions, but I guess the most pressing one is... is this guy straight?

thotgirlisalady1121 karma

He is indeed... and he's probably still wearing that shirt to this very day. I was unsuccessful in my attempt to convince him that his shirt was directly correlated with his lack of matches.

eandi558 karma

When you go through photos what are the common mistakes (any gender/sexuality) and why do people say they choose those photos? I'm looking at you, "man holding a fish" pics.

thotgirlisalady1257 karma

There are so many common mistakes it could fill up pages- but ultimately, the biggest mistake is using photos that you took for any other reason than to show off what you look like in an accurate and flattering way. People (men, especially) tend to only take photos to commemorate an occasion. The problem is, your prospective matches don't care about your hobbies/interests/friends until they're attracted to you. If you saw someone's profile who looked like they lead a pretty interesting life, but you just weren't attracted to them- you probably wouldn't match with them.

Prioritize taking photos that give a very clear view of your face/body type/height. One of the most common reasons for left swipes is inconsistency/uncertainty. If they can't look at your photos and feel like they know exactly what you're going to look like as you're walking up to them on a first date, they will probably swipe left.

get_the_reference_121 karma

commiserate

I think you meant commemorate?

thotgirlisalady81 karma

haha nice catch.

arrowtron413 karma

Are you responsible for any client marriages and/or babies?

thotgirlisalady792 karma

2 marriages and an engagement! I'm so exited haha

10high361 karma

Would you say your business is predominantly more men/women, straight/gay?

thotgirlisalady710 karma

mostly straight men, then gay men, then gay women, then straight women. Like 90% men though :)

Bjarki06259 karma

What problems did you find with scaling the business up and what helped?

thotgirlisalady703 karma

The biggest problem with scaling the business up is time. I have an amazing assistant to help with posting to social media, keeping the website up-to-date, etc... but I can only do so many appointments in a day. The obvious solution would be to hire more 'Chloe's', but the idea of trusting my clients with someone else isn't something I'm comfortable with. I'm incredibly proud of Advice by Chloe's reputation. I'm really proud that I've never had a bad review or an angry customer, and there's no way to ensure that quality if I hire-out.

I've brainstormed a million ways I could scale up, but they all come with a loss of control and the potential for a loss of quality. Advice by Chloe has become my baby, and I don't want to fuck it up in order to make it bigger or make more money. It's a constant struggle haha.

Yep123456789865 karma

You could hire people to review the profiles, make notes, and prepare you for your meetings. You don’t have to hire someone to immediately be client facing.

It’s a system widely used in financial services - seems to work well.

thotgirlisalady400 karma

that's a really interesting idea. Thanks!

fatupha245 karma

Has your view on dating apps changed since you started this line of work? How often do you hear back from customers months later? Did you ever regret advice you gave someone or find that your opinion was wrong about what works and what doesn't?

thotgirlisalady616 karma

My understanding of the male experience on dating apps has absolutely changed. I had no idea how difficult it was for men. I was definitely guilty of ghosting on dating apps before I started Advice by Chloe. After hearing the genuine pain and frustrated from men who were excited about a match who then disappeared, I never ghosted again.

In the very beginning of Advice by Chloe, back when I was fixing up dating profiles for $5 an hour, I was making decisions based entirely on instinct, rather than research. Now, I spend a great deal of time studying dating psychology and reading research to make sure that what I'm advising clients is actually effective.
*edited for grammar

jaymzx0243 karma

My understanding of the male experience on dating apps has absolutely changed. I had no idea how difficult it was for men. I was definitely guilty of ghosting on dating apps before I started Advice by Chloe. After hearing the genuine pain and frustrated from men who were excited about a match who then disappeared, I never ghosted again.

I've seen several male friends deal with this and see their souls crushed. Not just the ghosting, but the constant left-swipes and their only matches being OnlyFans bots. They could probably use your services, but I think even a sparkling profile is just a small leg-up. I'm a fairly young widower and don't feel like I'm ready to date, but for the sake of sanity I've pretty much determined that I'm just not going to bother with online dating.

thotgirlisalady269 karma

I don't want to give false hope, but a sparkling profile is incredibly helpful. I really wish that online dating was about genuinely connecting with other people, but until you're in conversation with them, it's a marketing campaign. The way in which you market yourself will almost certainly have a profound impact on how people respond to you. That being said, it is a skill set, and if it's not something you're interested in learning there are a lot of other ways to meet people <3

Dimension009231 karma

If this wouldn’t have worked, what would have been your next plan?

thotgirlisalady496 karma

I would have gone to my university to see if there was any help available for students who would soon be homeless, and go from there. I was terrified, and I had run out of options. The next step would have been to admit that I didn't have the ability to solve the problem on my own and ask for help.

WhatIsntByNow218 karma

What's the success rate of profiles you work on?

thotgirlisalady605 karma

It entirely depends on how you define success. I send out anonymous surveys 3 months after my appointments and 93% of my clients report better results on dating apps.. but surveys in general aren't great tools at determining levels of success because the people who found my services helpful are more likely to take the time to fill them out. I have many, many old clients who are in long-term relationships from dating apps, two are married, and one is engaged. I actually game with a few old clients and their partners. It's really fulfilling <3

*edited for grammar

rxrock90 karma

Wait, what games?

thotgirlisalady267 karma

lots and lots of them haha. OSRS is my addiction, I also run an Ark server, and Witcher 3 is my favourite game of all time.

rxrock39 karma

Witcher 3 is so fun! I still need to do a playthrough for all the Gwent side quests. The 3 crones in the swamps of Velen is the creepiest zone in all the games I've played to date. I couldn't wait to be done with that one lol.

thotgirlisalady40 karma

Gwent is SO GOOD. Winning all of the gwent competitions is one of my favourite parts of the game.

Purple_oyster12 karma

I did ark for a while and OSRS is my current addiction too

thotgirlisalady19 karma

dude. we should be friends.

crimson1175 karma

Witcher 3 was so damn good.

thotgirlisalady7 karma

Seriously, best game of all time imo. The DLCS were better than most entire other games.

knewtoff13 karma

She mentioned runecrafting so at least OSRS (or, sigh, RS3) ;)

thotgirlisalady37 karma

woah woah waoh... I don't play RS3! OSRS all the way! Also, many, many other games. I also run an Ark server haha.

EasilyDelighted10 karma

I honestly don't know how people enjoy Ark to the extent that they do!

A few of my friends are really into it and the amount of time they've spent sometimes taming dinos is mind-boggling to me. One time they spent two days! 48 whole hours taking some big monstrosity and I was like "do you know how many things I did in those 48 hours!? "

thotgirlisalady17 karma

My server bumps of the taming and harvesting rates quite a bit so that we can enjoy the game without sacrificing our lives haha.

archlea5 karma

Runecrafting was mentioned earlier- is that a game? Edit: autocorrect

thotgirlisalady10 karma

it's a skill in a game called Old School Runescape.

jpog0731 karma

What do you define as a success? Dating? Marriage? Without a more precise question, her answer may vary from what you consider to be a success.

thotgirlisalady28 karma

^ what they said

anooblol189 karma

As a guy, I feel like my biggest problem (with online dating) is that I just have no digital footprint.

I don’t have: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. and I actively don’t want anything to do with it.

I really dislike the whole culture of “showing off your life”, so I have no pictures of myself, and I wouldn’t even know how to go about taking candid photos of myself.

But online dating really seems to benefit from a personality that shows off their life, and makes themselves look better than what they are.

If I ever do get any dates, it’s common that we hit it off in person. But even setting up a date is taxing. A constant onslaught of, “Oh, something came up. I’m going to reschedule for next weekend.” And then radio silence.

Any advice?

thotgirlisalady286 karma

You don't need social media to do online dating. I don't use social media at all. I hate it. Tbh, I constantly struggle with forcing myself to use social media for my business. It's just not my thing.

You do, however, need good photos of yourself for online dating. The good news is that once you have them you won't need to worry taking more photos for a year. Pay attention to when your matches lose interest. If you aren't getting matches- your profile is the problem. If women aren't responding to you once you've matched- your initial messages are the problem. If they're ghosting while texting back and forth- the conversation is the problem, or maybe you aren't asking them out quickly enough. If they ghost once you ask them out- the way/timing of asking them out is a problem. Pay attention to patterns to figure out where it's going wrong ;)

Pennwisedom29 karma

If women aren't responding to you once you've matched- your initial messages are the problem.

And if it's Bumble?

thotgirlisalady108 karma

Let's be honest, most women who message you on Bumble just say hi and then your message is essentially the initial message.

Pennwisedom18 karma

A lot of women do do that, yes, but in my experience it's actually been somewhat the minority. Usually I get at least some kind of conversation starter. And even the women who tend to just say "Hi" will respond back. But perhaps that is just because as I get older the pool of women changes.

However, the majority simply match with me and then let the clock run out. They don't unmatch explicitly, just let the 24 hour clock run out.

thotgirlisalady32 karma

yeah, it's because they've probably gotten so many matches that they can't start a conversation with all of them. Maybe that connect with someone right off the bat and then ignore someone else, maybe they get overwhelmed and quit. Bumble is rough because men have so little control in how they interact with a match in the early stages.

frozenplasma166 karma

I assume your services are for people of all genders and sexual orientations. What qualifies you to give advice on dating profiles?
Also, what would you suggest to someone looking to learn how to do this? For themselves, friends, or even as a side hustle?

thotgirlisalady428 karma

There's no specific qualification required to be a dating consultant. I have a masters degree in clinical social work and I'm towards the beginning of working on my PhD in clinical psychology. While Advice by Chloe is absolutely not therapy, my degree allows me to be a practicing therapist, which is helpful when it comes to building rapport, active listening, etc... The advice I provide is actionable and based on research. Good research is my jam haha. Thankfully, dating psychology has exploded in recent years, so there's more and more helpful data every day.

czhunc73 karma

Do you plan to do change what you do once you have the PhD? Write a book perhaps?

thotgirlisalady190 karma

My PhD is focused on complex trauma, which is very different branch of psychology than dating advice haha. I have no idea. Both? I have a few years to decide.

norby2160 karma

Dating is complex trauma.

thotgirlisalady89 karma

#realtalk

G-MAN292154 karma

Has anyone ever hit on you while you are trying to improve their profile ?

thotgirlisalady554 karma

haha yeah. I pretend to think they're practicing and critique their attempt. It's pretty effective at refocusing the appointment to the task at hand.

KikiCanuck154 karma

Did you ever have clients that you had reservations about working with and/or where you had to end the working relationship because you were uncomfortable with their world view or motivation?

Background if helpful/of interest: I have a friend who is baffled by why he can't attract "females" but in talking to him about it and trying to give tips, it seems to be the case that he... maybe just really doesn't like or respect women, in spite of wanting to date them. It's pretty close to tanking our friendship at this point, but I wondered how common it was from someone who sees a much larger sample size than I do.

thotgirlisalady270 karma

Yeah, it doesn't happen often, but it does happen. If it becomes clear that a client doesn't respect women and wants to use my services to manipulate, I end the appointment and refund the time unspent. When I occasionally have a client who isn't open to trying something new, we have an open and straightforward conversation about what they want to get out of the appointment.

I do want to say, there's a difference between people who have toxic ideology about women because that's what they've been taught and are willing to hear another perspective, vs. people who don't respect women. I am always willing to teach someone who wants to learn. I don't tolerate disrespect, or ever knowingly help someone who I suspect intends to cause harm.

ogonga120 karma

What advice do you have for a new business owner? I'm pretty lost but I want to start my business too.

thotgirlisalady267 karma

Display value. If you're providing a service, my advice would be to do it for a really low price initially so that people will be willing to take a risk on you. If you surpass their expectations, they'll start leaving you good reviews. Then, you can slowly start increasing your prices. Most people will take a risk for a super cheap service, but are unwilling to spend a lot of money on a new business. Also, I've found it incredibly helpful to make sure that all of my reviews are traceable to their original source. Anyone can write up fake reviews and post it to their website, being able to click on the review and be sent to the original source is huge. In the analytics of my website I've found that most people who read the testimonials page and then click for the original source end up making an appointment.

mushroomhuggerz62 karma

Good of a place as any to comment on your desire to scale. You've probably thought of it, but some people would be willing to pay you more. Considered a premium or priority option? Same service for $50, but a $50 priority charge gets you next day service? Just stop booking every other day or something and see if it fills with priority requests? I mention this because I also struggle with scale and maintaining quality.

thotgirlisalady103 karma

I do have that exact service :) It's called the emergency first aid kit on my website haha.

ClearlyBlasphemi113 karma

Grats on your success! I met my fiancée on Tinder and I'm glad to see online dating getting taken more seriously. There are only so many ways to reliably meet people these days.

For my question: what's your secret to survive hours of runecrafting? You can't afk it, but the exp is so slow. I'm not even past 60.

thotgirlisalady90 karma

Oh my gosh. I hate it. Every time I want to give up while crafting blood runes I right-click to examine the value of my blood runes. Tbow here I come!

Ninjasensay108 karma

What is your PhD project about? (As much or as little detail as you feel comfortable sharing )

thotgirlisalady279 karma

I'm studying complex trauma. Specifically, sex trafficking. The therapeutic techniques that are currently being used for complex trauma aren't nearly as effective as (I think) they could be. My goal is to contribute to creating more effective clinical treatment for survivors of complex trauma.

ineververify86 karma

Any advice for single father dating hard mode?

thotgirlisalady282 karma

Protect your little bitties at all costs. Be careful with their hearts. Even if you really like someone that you're seeing, resist any urge you may have to introduce them to your children until it's an established and healthy relationship with a strong likelihood of being long-term.

In terms of dating, mention that you have children in a playful and engaging way on your bio (but for their safety don't put photos of them online).

jorstar45 karma

Can you give an example of a playful and engaging way to say I have a kid? Also on an app like Hinge, is it better to hide the “Has Kids” part or display it?

thotgirlisalady127 karma

It's fine to hide it if you're looking for hookups and super casual, but if you're looking for a relationship display it.

For example, you could use the prompt "my simple pleasures" on hinge/bumble and list off things that you enjoy, and within that list include something like, "playing with my kiddos" or you could use a prompt like "greatest travel story" and include a story about how amazing it was the see the excitement on your kids face the first time they saw Disneyland, etc... things of that nature :)

Steampuppy768 karma

Firstly, I wanna say your story is inspiring. I know that’s an overused statement but to me it really is.

How many clients do you usually get? Do people frequently come back? How did you advertise your business to get it kicking off?

thotgirlisalady174 karma

Thank you <3 I accept 8hrs of clients per day, and I take two days off a week. I'm usually booked or close to booked for about a week out. About 40% of the clients come back for at least one additional appointment. However, it's super important to me always have to goal of teaching skills- not dependence. I hate predatory PUAs and businesses who foster dependence. It's gross. As far as advertisement goes, in the very beginning I posted to r/slavelabour once a week and then once I was charging a more livable wage I switched to r/forhire and then I ventured out into the great big world of instagram/twitter/facebook/pinterest ads haha. I'm definitely still learning as I go.

TokenBlackDudeBro53 karma

I heavily recommend google display ads. Wisely targeted, they have an amazing ROI and are much more cost effective than click ads.

Total cost to get something setup is max $200, and that's for a freelancer to design ads compliant graphics.

thotgirlisalady25 karma

thanks!! I'll look into it.

blue_winter_moon00767 karma

What's the most important thing to do for a successful date? I know there are many opinions about it, just curious to know about it from someone professional.

Also, which date spot would be the best for an official proposal?

thotgirlisalady204 karma

A successful first date is activity + conversation. Something that allows conversation, but has an active distraction built in. For example, if go to dinner for a first date there isn't much to distract from an awkward moment or poor conversation. Going to a movie is a great distraction, but isn't really conducive for conversation. However, something like mini golf or panting with a twist or painting pottery, etc... all allow flowing conversation and an active distraction to quickly move past an awkward moment. If you can't think of something to say, you can focus on the activity at hand. Once you've taken a breath to re-center or think of something to say, you can go back to talking. It makes dating in the beginning stages a lot less stressful and it's a lot more forgiving.

I'm also a huge of having a coffee mini date or pre-date first. If you realize quickly that you/they are not interested, you only have to stay for as long as it takes to drink a cup of coffee ;)

mcstanky56 karma

Do girls actually read guys' bios or look at our top artists? Is it better to be descriptive or short and concise?

thotgirlisalady149 karma

Yes, most women read bios. HOWEVER (and this is a big however), they don't read bios until they're attracted to your photos. Think of your photos are the qualifying race. Once they're attracted to you, most women will read the bio before swiping.

Your bio has two primary goals 1) you want to cast the widest net possible in order to attract as many different women you could be compatible with as possible. 2) Humanize the hell out of yourself. Your bio should feel like the start to a good conversation. It's a lot harder to casually swipe left on a human being than it is on a generic profile.

Zypharon55 karma

Have you ever come across any profiles that you feel are unsalvagable?

thotgirlisalady95 karma

Daily haha. Most of the profiles I review get tossed and I make them a new one from scratch.

frozenplasma50 karma

What are your plans for the business after earning your PhD?

thotgirlisalady120 karma

I'm honestly not sure. The plan was originally to give up my business after I got my masters degree.. but then I just couldn't let it go. Maybe I'll keep doing it part time, maybe I'll finally scale it up and hire other Chloe's, maybe I'll waste my PhD and continue with Advice by Chloe forever. I'm still figuring it out as I go haha.

Karmasabeeyatch177 karma

Then it could be Advice by Dr. Chloe!

thotgirlisalady103 karma

omg yes!

Onepopcornman50 karma

Some of the dudes who use these websites are scumbags:

Have you ever turned down a client who you think might not be a good person?

Do you ever feel like your advice has helped someone misrepresent themselves?

thotgirlisalady132 karma

I've absolutely turned down clients. Lots of them haha. I don't (knowingly) help people cheat on their partners. I don't teach people to manipulate. I don't teach people how to 'convince' others to have sex with them. The number of clients I've had who sincerely believed that women needed to be 'convinced' to have sex is insane. My appointments that focus on dates always include a conversation about consent.

I also hate the predatory PUA gross shit. My goal is to show clients the machinery behind the curtains so that they can understand how dating apps work, how to effectively communicate their needs/wants, and how to read their dates level of interest. It is really, really, really important to me that Advice by Chloe is never used to cause harm.

stupid_comment_above40 karma

Would you say you are more focused on counseling or coaching? Maybe I'm wrong but it seems like some issues could be corrected by improving mental health, while others are just the result of a lack of exposure

thotgirlisalady96 karma

While my degree allows me to be a practicing therapist, Advice by Chloe isn't therapy. It can't get into mental health or diagnosis. Instead, I focus on the issue at hand, and encourage them to seek counseling for the root issues. Counseling is really important, and I frequently help clients find resources in their area because I know they can be sparse and difficult to find.

randomstrangeguy32 karma

What is the most excited or invested you have been in a customers profile? Was it worth it?

thotgirlisalady76 karma

I think the excitement comes from developing a connection with a client who seems like a genuinely good person. I have several clients who I have kept up with since the beginning days of Advice by Chloe, and watching them flourish is so fulfilling. Recently, an old client of mine contacted me to catch up and he's moving in with his girlfriend. When we first met, our appointment was about how to ask her out. I'm so happy for them <3

walfle29 karma

I think I'm bad at taking pictures and idk anything about photography style. Do you have any pointers or examples for good pictures or how many?

thotgirlisalady72 karma

She'll always assume you currently look like your worst photo- so focus on quality rather than quantity. The sweet spot for photos for men on dating apps is 4-5 (except for hinge, which requires 6). The intent when taking these pictures is to accurately and flatteringly show them exactly what you look like. We should clearly be able to see your face/body type/height. Don't wear a hot, sunglasses, earbuds, a scarf, a backpack, a jacket, or anything that will hide your face or shoulders, and make sure your clothes fit you well. We should be able to determine your body type with a quick glance. Also try to look friendly and engaging. A smile goes a long way :)

AndrewRK29 karma

Dude I remember your post on this a while ago. Congratulations, that's awesome you're sustaining it.

What are your family's thoughts on it?

thotgirlisalady47 karma

They support me, but absolutely do not understand me haha.

chaosgoblyn28 karma

Why did I not know this was a service that existed? I have been talking about how this should be a thing for a long time. I will definitely be giving you some money for a 2 hour in the near future, but I see you also are working towards helping complex trauma with your PhD so I feel like I should ask here since it may help someone else. I (mid 30s M, straight) am a survivor of complex trauma from my childhood, but also from being attacked by multiple women in adult relationships. I'm also autistic (just learned last year) which is likely partly the cause of some abuse but also tends to attract narcissistic (refreshingly direct) partners. I know it's not an easy answer, and I do go to therapy to work on myself, but my therapist doesn't give dating advice lol. Without asking for a free session about my personal situation, what kinds of general advice do you have for people with a lot of trauma/baggage/social disabilities? Should I just be up front about it in my bio so they have context for why I seem off? Thanks!

thotgirlisalady52 karma

I'm sorry to hear of the trauma you've experienced. As far as dating profiles are concerned, I wouldn't put it on your profile. Bios are very short form and aren't really meant for getting to know someone in a deep and intimate way. Think of it more like a marketing campaign or a resume. In addition to it not being helpful when it comes to getting matches, it's also opening yourself up in a really vulnerable way with strangers who may not be worthy of that level of trust and intimacy. Focus on your bio on your hobbies/interest, and only communication your history of trauma with people you feel comfortable discussing it with <3

CanSerozan26 karma

Do you pay taxes?

thotgirlisalady45 karma

haha I do indeed. I'm not trying to get audited.

shinigurai24 karma

Any tips for someone who wants to start their own (digital service) business?

What about blog / podcast / YouTube channel?

thotgirlisalady33 karma

If you're providing a service, demonstrate value. I would recommend (if you can afford it) to offer your services for super low prices. If your services surpass expectations, clients will start leaving you positive reviews- which demonstrates value. You can then start slowly raising your prices. People are less likely to risk money on an unknown business, but once you have positive reviews and engaging in your services seem less risky, you'll be able to charge more.

Ours_Polare20 karma

How do you find time for your business on top of your PhD? Has your business affected anything about your academic research (changed perspectives, improved communication, etc.)?

It’s garbage that graduate students are paid pennies to sustain their living. I feel for you, and congratulations on having found something you enjoy!

thotgirlisalady24 karma

My Phd was put on hold during Covid, so I was able to focus entirely on my business. My PhD is focused on a very different branch of psychology than dating psych. It's focused on complex trauma. While Advice by Chloe hasn't necessarily impacted my academic research, my research has definitely impacted Advice by Chloe.

meowcat18717 karma

What's the best dating app /site that doesnt have a lot of bots. Where do people find the most success?

thotgirlisalady24 karma

All dating apps that are popular will have bots, because that's where bots will be most profitable. It really sucks, but I doubt it's going away. Are you male or female? If you're male, Hinge is really great. If you're female, something that Okcupid will give you a lot of options.

meowcat18716 karma

Guy, 40. Feel like it's a young kids game with all these apps and such. Do I need a stream too? :D

thotgirlisalady24 karma

ah, at 40, assuming you're interested in meeting people your age, Okcupid would also work for you. If you're looking to meet women younger than yourself, stick with Hinge/Bumble/Tinder.

haha nah, just a few good photos :)

adeadrat14 karma

[deleted]

thotgirlisalady29 karma

There are soooooo many factors there that it's impossible to give you a proper answer. Do you live in a small town? Is Tinder popular in your country? Are there photos/prompts in your profile that are not considered attractive in your country that are popular in others? I can't really answer that with the information given. I'm sorry you're struggling though :(

hambugerface13 karma

What is the geographical profile of your client? Globally?

thotgirlisalady23 karma

oh my gosh, yes. It continues to surprise me. While most of my clients are in the U.S./Canada, I actually get several clients from the UK, Australia, Japan, China, SK, India, Philippines, Peru, Spain, France, etc...

hambugerface11 karma

Does some of your advice works on 1 region but not another? Any example? How do you research if there is?

thotgirlisalady12 karma

If the client is from a country whose dating culture is significantly different than the U.S. I contact them before the appointment to discuss it and make it clear that I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of dating culture in their country- they then decide if they'd like to keep the appointment or cancel it (I give a full refund in those situations). Some things, however, are pretty universal when it comes to increasing the quality of a profile :)

Ok_Geologist631311 karma

Serious question, how do you go from nearly evicted to finishing a masters degree? Why was it so difficult to find work with your current degree? Did you have parents or someone you could fall back on if nothing worked out?

thotgirlisalady18 karma

I was working on my masters degree when I was almost evicted. I was a student. I lost my job with less than 24hrs notice (through no fault of my own) and I wasn't making enough to have a fluffy savings account. I quickly ran out of money, and it all fell apart from there. I had parents, but they lived far away.

AbdussamiT10 karma

Great job on saving yourself! I picture you as a person sweating and worried with 0.33 cents so she just posts on slavelabour and wakes up to a barrage of responses.

Did it happen like that, haha?

Good luck for future! ❤️

thotgirlisalady27 karma

That moment in my life is sealed in my memory. I posted to slavelabour, refreshed the page repeatedly with no responses. Forced myself to get up to make a bowl of ramen while having an ugly cry, and when I came back to my desk I had dozens of DMs. That sense of relief and hope is something I'll never forget, and it's a huge reason that Advice by Chloe is so close to my heart.

Anguye321510 karma

What's your runecrafting level?

thotgirlisalady15 karma

  1. The rest of my skills are base 84 haha. I like keep runecrafting a little lower than everything else so I can use it for Tears of Guthix.

HalloweenBen9 karma

Kudos on your successes! I can pretend to be a decent looking and normal person on a dating app, and did for a while until my friend and I discussed the concept of putting some of my weirdness out there so as not to be 'false advertising.' If someone likes handsome HalloweenBen in a suit they should also like goofy HalloweenBen in a goofy costume doing something stupid with a pumpkin.

What is your opinion on showing someone's true self vs. putting one's best foot forward if it's a long term relationship one is hoping for?

thotgirlisalady18 karma

A combination of both... show your personality, but in a way that's appropriate for a dating app.

Remember, she has no context of who you are. All she has is your profile and it's so short form that filling it full of unique/silly/weird pictures probably isn't representing you in the way you think it is. Show some color, but always consider the environment.

I wish that online dating was about genuinely creating connections with people, but it just isn't what the platforms are built for. It's a marketing campaign. Once you're in conversation with her that's a lot more room and express yourself, but people are swiping based on a attraction- even people who are looking for a long-term relationship with a goofy guy. I hope that helps :)

horizonmaster0313 karma

I have a girlfriend now lol but thanks for reminding me!

thotgirlisalady11 karma

omg that would have been so cute.

1bean9 karma

Hey last AmA I remember that you had a Boyfriend, are you still together?! How that the work effect the relationship?

thotgirlisalady17 karma

I've been very much in love with the same guy since the early days of Advice by Chloe :)

gnarvin8 karma

Is there a dating app you feel works better then others? For example Bumble is set up for women to make the first move as oppose to Tinder where I feel like men are obligated to make the first move. As a social awkward person I felt Bumble was the better route for me but very few women tend to actually start the conversations, so maybe its not.

You also mention in a comment above that this is a great time to ask for free advice so would you say I'm severely hurting my chance with this beard? Because it feels like I would be but also I like it so I'm torn.

thotgirlisalady27 karma

It's really location dependent, so it's difficult to give you specifics. In general though, Hinge is a lot better for men than Bumble.

Ok, so lets have some real talk here. If you love your beard, keep it. Don't make choices about your body based on what some unknown woman on a dating app may or may not like about you. However, would cutting your beard increase your match rate? Absolutely, and probably by a significant amount. Most women prefer a little bit of facial hair over no facial hair, but the longer the facial hair gets the less attractive it is perceived to be by most women. Also, nothing else about this photo works for you. I suspect that your shirt is a size too large for you, you're hiding one of your shoulders which makes you look more narrow, We can only see you from the shoulders up so she has no indication of your body type, the huge trees behind you are shrinking you down a bit, you're squinting because the sun is in your face, and if you're looking into the camera you should be smiling :)

supercaloebarbadensi8 karma

Do you have any tips for non-skinny people? A lot of people swipe left if you’re not skinny which is really heartbreaking 🥺

thotgirlisalady18 karma

Take photos that give a really accurate and flattering view of what you currently look like. Make sure your clothes fit you properly. Most of my overweight clients wear oversized clothing in their photos, which actually makes them look bigger than they really are and it feels a little deceptive to their prospective matches. One of the most common reasons people swipe left is uncertainty/inconsistency.

SaberX917 karma

Do you smoke weed now or ever?

thotgirlisalady15 karma

More frequently in college, but occasionally now as well. I inhale and everything.

thebrando9877 karma

This is such a neat idea! What part of the world are you based out of?

thotgirlisalady14 karma

I'm in the U.S.

slugma1236 karma

Can we all get a discount over your services? ;P

thotgirlisalady25 karma

haha sure. I just created a coupon code for anyone from Reddit in your honor: SLUGHASGUMPTION gives $5 off any appointment haha.

HandRailSuicide16 karma

What’s your male:female ratio of customers? Does the advice tend to differ in any general theme between the two? (Before anyone gets all sanctimonious, yes, other genders exist)

thotgirlisalady16 karma

The vast majority of my clients are straight men. After that, gay men, then gay women, then straight women. I would say a solid 90% of my clients are men. My website and blogs are pretty geared towards men. Lately I've been trying to make my website and services more female-friendly.

SketchyApothecary5 karma

Do you have any way of actually evaluating the success of your advice? I've spoken with a number of people about what makes a dating profile succeed for them, and gotten a lot of very different answers. What metrics do you have to confirm you're doing a good job in general and not just based on what you like?

thotgirlisalady9 karma

Wherever possible, I base my advice on data and research. I also send out anonymous surveys 3 months after an appointment to measure their success.

That being said, this certainly isn't an exact science. The best I can do is keep up-to-date on my research and change strategies that don't work.

XTA4 karma

you had a third of a cent?

thotgirlisalady9 karma

lol it is a typo I now deeply regret as it's been pointed out by dozens of internet strangers

G3680903 karma

Would you consider writing a book? Do it!

thotgirlisalady3 karma

I've thought a lot about it. I really enjoy writing for my blog, but something longer form is really intimidating, also finding the free time is difficult haha.

mynameis9400 karma

Osrs or rs3?

thotgirlisalady4 karma

OSRS all the way! I'm no basic bitch.

thotgirlisalady1 karma

OSRS, obviously. Superior in every way haha.

newsensequeen0 karma

[deleted]

thotgirlisalady1 karma

Could you try? Sure? Could you actually be unbiased? Very, very, very unlikely.