Comments: 380 • Responses: 38 • Date: 2021-04-16 08:47:52 UTCsource
ragemydream293 karma2021-04-16 14:19:19 UTC
How do you prevent catching STI/STDs and if you find you have caught one from a client, what do you do?
View HistoryShare Link
Adventurous_Cell813675 karma2021-04-16 15:26:32 UTC
Great question. I’m kind of wondering why OP hasn’t responded to this one...
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:25:48 UTC
I was asleep :)
tebla83 karma2021-04-16 09:43:17 UTC
have your personal romantic relationships been impacted by your career? At what point in dating would you tell someone what you do for a living and how have people reacted?
dckholster146 karma2021-04-16 09:46:23 UTC
I’m sure it has limited my dating pool but that’s never actually been a problem for me. I’m able to be publicly out as a sex worker so when I was dating I had it on my dating profiles, I have never needed to “disclose” and deal with those reactions. The only people I ended up dating were people who were already chill about it!
tebla31 karma2021-04-16 10:00:53 UTC
That's cool, bit of a personal question... but given the nature of the thread: have any of your partners been into it? have you ever roll played work at home?
dckholster32 karma2021-04-16 10:03:02 UTC
Not any of my romantic partners, but I had 1 lover I role played a being pumped out sort of scene with once, which was fun
DeeperIntoMovies43271 karma2021-04-16 09:09:17 UTC
If a wealthy client approached you for this service, realistically how much would you ask for? To clarify, you would be the one in the mask
In addition, what is the most bizarre request you’ve ever had from a client
dckholster87 karma2021-04-16 09:11:16 UTC
That’s my favourite jackass skit omg. That’d be a $10k sort of job, not my usual style lol
Bogey0166 karma2021-04-16 10:04:51 UTC
Any scary situations? What's your exit strategy if a client starts becoming "unfavorable"?
dckholster111 karma2021-04-16 10:08:27 UTC
I’ve been pretty lucky, they’re mostly fine. I don’t work past 11pm or take bookings where they sound drunk etc. and honestly I think I’m good at deescalating conflict. There have been a couple of scary ones that I’ve had to kick out, but nothing I’ve had to run away from
Bogey0129 karma2021-04-16 10:15:43 UTC
Wow, I'm really surprised. Good to hear though. I hope your work stays safe. Thanks you!
dckholster42 karma2021-04-16 10:28:48 UTC
Again I am very privileged in this experience, but I do also feel lucky. Thanks!
kitchen_clinton12 karma2021-04-16 15:50:54 UTC
What do you do to deescalate conflict? I think police officers on this thread could learn a few things.
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:39:25 UTC
Just the way that I speak to them, I guess I’m trying to be sweet and play a bit dumb and non threatening while still being assertive? I’m not sure how to explain it
John_Farson27 karma2021-04-16 16:04:26 UTC
It's also what happens when you decriminalize sex work. You take the sketchiness out of it. Workers aren't afraid to go to the cops if they need. Things aren't done on the back pages of craigslist.
dognie-11 karma2021-04-16 16:22:50 UTC
Well honestly not really. The police don’t care for anyone except the rich, much less sex workers
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:38:16 UTC
Actually there have been a bunch of cases lately of sex workers successfully charging clients with various crimes. Lots of cases where the police were shitty as well, sure, but things are moving
ActaEtVerba61 karma2021-04-16 09:02:48 UTC
Are there any strange client experiences you can share with us?
dckholster193 karma2021-04-16 09:11:57 UTC
One guy just wanted to straddle my chest and feed me fruit the whole time, that was great
ZSnake73 karma2021-04-16 10:27:07 UTC
That sounds amazing, I'd love for someone to straddle my manboobs and feed me fruit.
dckholster98 karma2021-04-16 10:33:33 UTC
It’s happened for me once in a decade of work, there might be hope for you too
MysteryMe7253 karma2021-04-16 09:43:53 UTC
In your opinion why do married men (or those in a relationship ) visit escorts ? What are they looking for that they not getting at home ?
dckholster124 karma2021-04-16 09:48:29 UTC
Yeah, it’s either them not getting/not being able to ask for sex, or for intimacy. Occasionally it’s with the partners consent but I suspect not often. One of the lines I draw is that I’m not going to talk shit about their partner with them though so I don’t get a huge amount of detail about that
Ventrilokill43 karma2021-04-16 12:43:03 UTC
What do you look like? Just curious.
dckholster320 karma2021-04-16 13:46:41 UTC
Imagine Scarlet Johansen crossed with Mr Bean
egleason2214 karma2021-04-16 14:05:44 UTC
Which direction are we talking about with that, more option A or option B?
dckholster155 karma2021-04-16 14:16:22 UTC
It’s not that simple, like I’ve got her titties and his eyebrows
Dirty_Toothbrushes43 karma2021-04-16 09:05:40 UTC
How many people would you estimate you’ve slept with?
dckholster97 karma2021-04-16 09:07:25 UTC
For work, thousands. I don’t know if I could put a number to that but it’s in that ballpark
LisaFrankOcean-39 karma2021-04-16 09:10:21 UTC
What are your views on men, generally speaking? I’ve watched interviews from ex-porn stars elise views of men went from seemingly “normal” to essentially pathetic beings trapped in their own sadness and I thought that was super interesting. I’m sure you get such an intimate perspective that even some romantic partners don’t get.
dckholster113 karma2021-04-16 09:18:07 UTC
I certainly had a man hatey phase when I was younger, but I think maturing in this industry has actually really helped me see men (and even bad behaviour typical of a certain type of man) with a lot of nuance and empathy. I work very hard on this (watch Robert Sapolskys lecture series on behavioural biology on YouTube- it changed my life) but I also totally understand how people come out of the industry hating them. My ability to be this way is a lot to do with my various social privileges (and the way men treat me as a result of that), I suspect.
I certainly don’t think if my clients or of men in general as being sad or pathetic.
ogidiamin35 karma2021-04-16 12:02:48 UTC
Do you enjoy the sex also or is it just for the money?
dckholster88 karma2021-04-16 13:46:06 UTC
The sex is fine, I’m in such a different headspace with work sex that it doesn’t really have the ability to be good in the same was personal life sex is good.
ActaEtVerba35 karma2021-04-16 08:56:51 UTC
Where do you draw the line in clientele?
Which things do you absolutely refuse to do?
dckholster79 karma2021-04-16 09:01:40 UTC
As in, who do I choose not to see? I don’t see anyone who is rude to me or very demanding in the booking process, or if they’re looking for a service I don’t offer, or if they have an obvious STI. Other than that I don’t think I’ve ever turned down a client.
Services I don’t do are anything super fetishy (too much unpredictability stresses me out), anal on me or unprotected services.
Turtlebait2222 karma2021-04-16 09:05:30 UTC
dckholster108 karma2021-04-16 09:06:51 UTC
Plenty of my clients are disabled. I don’t see anybody with super high levels of additional needs just because I don’t think I’m the best person equipped for that. There are training programs sex workers can do to become better qualified for that sort of service
RvP02034 karma2021-04-16 11:50:53 UTC
How often do you find yourself doing non sexual favours for your clients? Like cooking, doing the dishes etc? If so what's your go to food to make if a client asks for it?
dckholster64 karma2021-04-16 13:41:52 UTC
I’ve only done that sort of thing with a couple of regular clients I’d been seeing for years and was friends with, that’s not the sort of Hong that comes up for me in my usual bookings haha. And when I’m cooking for those guys it’s usually some dish I’ve been excitedly telling them about learning so it’s been on my terms
manwithabazooka30 karma2021-04-16 11:43:56 UTC
Do you accurately report your income on your tax return or do you skirt taxes like the tip-heavy service industry people usually do?
dckholster146 karma2021-04-16 13:44:38 UTC
I unfortunately report so much of my income that I’m still paying back my tax will from 2019 because 2020 was a bad year for a job that involves breathing in peoples faces, lol
shaokim30 karma2021-04-16 12:31:40 UTC
Thanks for the ama!
What are the basic sex positions everyone should know, and the ones not so basic but accessible and good to most people?
dckholster35 karma2021-04-16 13:39:45 UTC
That’s something folks really have to figure out for themselves through trial and error! The most common ones clients wanna do/I wanna do are missionary, girl on top, doggy and me lying on my front with lags straight
BernieJoe22 karma2021-04-16 14:11:05 UTC
Your job being legal means you have access to Social Security, retirement, healthcare, and your earnings are taxed? Do you have any limitation in accessing these benefits, or is your situation treated as if you were an independent worker in any other field of activity?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:52:18 UTC
Yep I just operate as a sole trader for all of those purposes. Was even able to get the jobkeeper subsidy (different to and more than the normal unemployment payment) for the duration of the COVID lockdowns
Holiday-Ad-671219 karma2021-04-16 09:00:21 UTC
I always wonder why girls do this job....what is the main reason for it.....i always think it is because of money problem or what?
dckholster69 karma2021-04-16 09:04:59 UTC
I do it for the money like any other job, but the reason I was drawn to it is that I always thought it sounded cool and glamorous to be honest. I tried it and I liked it and was good at it, so I kept at it. It is cool for me, I wouldn’t call it glamorous though haha.
People do it for all different reasons, but I don’t think those reasons as different as people think to the reasons other people work in hospitality or as massage therapists or cleaners. Some people are just not really bothered by having meaningless sex, and some people are very good at creating intimacy
Holiday-Ad-671212 karma2021-04-16 09:07:08 UTC
From which country you get the most customer and the least
dckholster47 karma2021-04-16 09:09:24 UTC
I live and work in Australia so I think the spread is pretty based on our population rather than any nationality being more into seeing me. So a mix of white Australians, Asian and south East Asian clients are most common
Holiday-Ad-6712-1 karma2021-04-16 09:10:21 UTC
Do you know anything about sex industry in India
dckholster26 karma2021-04-16 09:13:05 UTC
Nothing other than a documentary I watched years ago, I’m not sure how sensationalised/accurate that was but it painted a pretty bleak picture
GodzlIIa10 karma2021-04-16 09:02:31 UTC
I mean why do most people work jobs? Cause they need money. So if I didnt work I guess I would have a money problem, as would most people?
Holiday-Ad-6712-5 karma2021-04-16 09:04:00 UTC
No,i mean there us very little respect by the society for this work....i don't want a mean to hurt you.....i also want to do the same....but i can't cause of my family.
dckholster25 karma2021-04-16 09:20:58 UTC
I was/am capable of withstanding the lack of respect that people have for it, especially because I have always been close with pretty progressive people so it hasn’t negatively impacted my ability to have friends or family. Not everybody is in that situation though unfortunately
Celestial_Bitch12 karma2021-04-16 15:09:00 UTC
How did you start of escorting? Was it something that just happened or did you start of doing stripping for example and then get on to escorting?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:54:54 UTC
I started off stripping, I did that for a few years and then worked in an erotic massage place, then brothels, then switched to escorting
Aysio12 karma2021-04-16 15:24:50 UTC
Hi there. May I ask your opinion on someone loosing their virginity with a sex worker? I've considered it a few times and I think it comes from the fear of judgement by others. Both for having little to no sexual experience and that I would need to pay for it (rather than hooking up/dating someone).
I know it's very personal, so I apologise if the question is a little heavy for an ama. Sex is a sensitive subject for me and I'm trying to overcome that anxiety.
dckholster3 karma2021-04-16 23:56:56 UTC
I think if it’s really what you want to do, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. It’s just having sex for the first time, the idea that virginity or the losing of it has to be this big deal thing is silly. If you think getting it out of the way will help you feel less anxious about sex, or if you’re just curious, go ahead
Axes4Praxis11 karma2021-04-16 14:45:13 UTC
Do your clients request music? If so, what are the most popular requests?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:54:11 UTC
One guy played the veronicas the whole time! Other than that I usually just put music on, sometimes music will come up in conversation and they’ll show me something
Nearbyatom8 karma2021-04-16 15:19:50 UTC
What will you do when you get older when you no longer have your youth?
TelephoneTag21235 karma2021-04-16 15:53:58 UTC
This is also my question. Appearance/looks must play a big part in sex work I would assume.
OP mentioned working in this industry over ten years. Is this a more short term career or is there a place for the 40/50 plus year old sex worker?
Another question; are your friends also in the industry?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-17 00:25:37 UTC
Thankfully being as young as possible isn’t the only sort of beauty clients are into!
Just under 10 years. I mean I’d already call that a long term thing, but yes I have no intention to leave the industry any time soon.
Maybe half of my friends are in the industry.
wontellu6 karma2021-04-16 15:35:18 UTC
Did you ever fell for a client?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-17 00:01:32 UTC
I have a couple of regulars I’ve been seeing for years who I love dearly as friends, but not romantically no. I’ve almost always been in a relationship outside of work so it hasn’t come up
ATXGaymer09045 karma2021-04-16 15:52:17 UTC
Do you know male sex workers? Do you see any difference in the work you do and male sex workers do? More risks, opportunity, etc?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-17 00:18:49 UTC
I know a couple IRL, and see them about in community spaces but most of the men are gay workers and they don’t seem to actually have a lot of community crossover with us. Not sure why that is.
JustPassingShhh4 karma2021-04-16 15:47:42 UTC
How do you deal with huge turn offs? Like for me, if a guy was all sweaty, stinky etc, nah. Refund! Do you have any personal hates?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-16 23:53:22 UTC
Lube! I’m not there to be turned on. I don’t like it if they’re sweaty or stinky but they shower first so it’s rarely unbearable
osumaniac2 karma2021-04-16 15:22:50 UTC
Any advice for people wanting to get in to this career?
dckholster2 karma2021-04-17 02:10:50 UTC
Try it out in a brothel first so you don’t have any overheads/there’s less pressure/there are other workers around you. If you hate it, don’t do it. I think a super damaging idea for new workers to have is that everyone hates the work and that it’s normal to hate it. That’s not the case and it isn’t something you should try to push through if you don’t have to
HappierWhenAsleep2 karma2021-04-16 16:06:02 UTC
Do you get pressured in "maintaining" the way you look? As someone who finds sex work interesring but is too scared to do it, this is what I fear the most--the pressure and insecurity.
dckholster2 karma2021-04-17 09:37:04 UTC
Yeah. It has actually helped me a lot with not being insecure about my body overall, but the pressure is still there. Folks of all types can be successful, but if your business model relies on mass appeal it’s always on your mind
Lahsram_mars-69 karma2021-04-16 10:25:43 UTC
Wow. 30 comments and no votes. Crazy business. How do you cope knowing you are interesting but not liked?
dckholster54 karma2021-04-16 10:31:11 UTC
The other ones of these I’ve done have had plenty of upvotes, it’s about the luck of if a post takes off or not and how many people who morally object to sex work see it. If I based any of my self worth or job satisfaction on that sort of thing I wouldn’t have survived in this industry for long! Fortunately I feel very well liked by the people I care about
Lahsram_mars-10 karma2021-04-16 10:34:57 UTC
Nice reply. I was joking because of my shock at seeing such an oddity, but what a great response. Do you think that is a skill you built in your profession or have you always had such good use of quips and accuracy in response?
dckholster20 karma2021-04-16 10:43:05 UTC
Aw thanks! I really appreciate you seeing that. It’s not a skill I built with clients but having to defend myself around sex work on the internet is a very well practiced thing, yes
Lahsram_mars13 karma2021-04-16 10:47:58 UTC
Awesome. Thanks for being one of few who responds well on the internet. Thanks for your time and also for your work. Sex work is work and should be regulated everywhere not just outlawed. Thanks for your service and you've been a delight.
dckholster9 karma2021-04-16 10:49:21 UTC
Thanks so much!
Copyright © 2014 BestofAMA.com, All rights reserved.
reddit has not approved or endorsed BestofAMA, reddit design elements are trademarks of reddit inc.