Aysio12 karma2021-04-16 15:24:50 UTC
Hi there. May I ask your opinion on someone loosing their virginity with a sex worker? I've considered it a few times and I think it comes from the fear of judgement by others. Both for having little to no sexual experience and that I would need to pay for it (rather than hooking up/dating someone).
I know it's very personal, so I apologise if the question is a little heavy for an ama. Sex is a sensitive subject for me and I'm trying to overcome that anxiety.
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Aysio3 karma2021-04-16 16:39:59 UTC
Appreciate you taking the time to reply and being respectful about it!
What you said was sort of was I was thinking already (but obviously I was really unsure about it). Being inexperienced, I absolutely won't know what I'm doing and as you rightly said, they will due to it being their profession. I would only really want to give it a shot once but it may break the stigma that I have with the concept.
It's definitely about overcoming that initial anxiety and worries so that it doesn't become an issue for any future relationships. I never would have been able to talk about any of this years ago, so even that is a big step!
Thanks for the tip! Absolutely, I would never want to make someone feel uncomfortable or creeped about in that situation. Just because sex is their job, it does not devalue them as a human. Sex work is still work and good etiquette is important.
Aysio2 karma2021-04-16 17:50:27 UTC
Hi, thanks for your reply! I appreciate your perspective on things.
That's really comforting to hear and I do hope that someone would be as understanding and patient with me. I'm 23, becoming 24 in a month so it really feels like I'm running out of time (even though I know there's no "race" happening).
But thank you for saying that. It is nice to hear that it isn't something that I have to do. It certainly feels that way, ya know? Not specifically sex with an escort but loosing your virginity. I'm so scared that sex will create issues in future relationships.
The reason I even made a comment was to be informed in case I do feel that it's right for me. It's only been considered and never actually gone through with it. I certainly would prefer to meet someone and work through it in a relationship. Even if hiring an escort would break that initial fear, it won't ever teach me about growth in a relationship or myself as it's literally sex and nothing more. I'm very emotional and it's not out of sexual drive, I think it's more just feeling like I'm going to disappoint and the sands of time are running out.
Aysio2 karma2021-04-16 19:16:01 UTC
I actually set my goal for 2021 to be push myself to be more social, but anxiety often makes that tricky. I think the challenge is worth the reward though and I hope to meet friends and potentially a romantic partner.
Thank you for the reminder that there are kind people out there. I think especially during lockdown times, it's easy to come across people online who give a negative image of what people are really like. I definitely agree with communication though. I go to therapy regularly and feel it would be important to me in a relationship.
I think just my relationship with the topic of sex growing up was really negative. I won't go into massive detail but it was basically never talked about and I was really shy so I wouldn't ask any questions. You can guess without knowing about it, it creates a lot of questions and worries which I think have just expanded over time.
But I'm happy to say, through therapy and personal growth, I have become more comfortable with the topic and more confident in myself. No where near where I would like to be, but I seriously used to panic when the subject was talked about. Still now saying "sex" makes me super uncomfortable but I used to not be able to say it full stop. So, when I look at things, I doubt it would have been better having sex then rather than now. Both will be awkward but at least I'm more emotionally mature now.
I like the idea, but I'm terrible on dating apps! As I mentioned, social anxiety is a struggle for me and I really stress over what to say if I get a match. Again, something to work on but the more I improve in myself the less stress dating should be.
All the best to you too! I hope I haven't overshared! I just don't often get to speak openly about this and it felt like a load off my back.
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