Dear curious people of Reddit,

I did an AmA before but every time I mention my disability I trigger a flood of questions again, and most of those questions I never got asked before.

So, feel free to ask me anything again :-)

Background: I was probably born vision impaired (VI). Officially got declared legally blind at age two, but wasn't 100 % blind. I can still see light in my left eye, but only vaguely, no definite shapes, colours, distance assessment. In the right eye I'm fully blind (nulla lux) since 2017.

My hearing started getting worse when I was five, six years old, so I learned talking normally. Got my first set of hearing aids at age seven, and a cochlea implant on the right side at age 13. Got declared legally deafblind at age 16.

I spent three weeks in youth psychiatry after a burn out/medium severe episode (depression which only occured once so far) combined with suicidality and was in long term treatment until 2019. Still managed to graduate from a normal high school (with an average of 1.3 (A-)) as the first legally deafblind guy in Germany in 2018.

Now, since September 2019, I'm studying applied maths and computer science an> am employed as a mathematical-technical software developer in training. Also living alone and making my very own "so this is how adult life works?"-mistakes.

Looking forward to your questions!

Reddit client: r/DystopiaForReddit; I use a refreshable braille display to read what's on the screen of my phone.

Edit: Please don't downvote people if they ask me questions about colours. If I can answer these questions it means I'm still aware of the visual world, which is a worthwhile insight, no? Please don't be overly judgmental of the questions asked.

Edit 2: It's bed time for me. Goodnight, Reddit, I'll answer questions again in the morning.

Edit 3: Back at it again, I'll try to answer all your questions. Edit 4: Phew. *wipes brow* I'm back to empty inbox foo the first time in 2, 3 days. Sorry for the delay in responses. A few of your questions weren't productive ("(just) how?"), but if you feel like your questions was productive yet you received no answer, tag me. I might've overlooked it. Thank you, one and all, for making this AmA so insightful. 99.9 % of you were respectful and contributed valid questions. I really enjoyed this.

Comments: 828 • Responses: 81  • Date: 

Saryon3801 karma

Hi how are you. I’m deafblind too (usher syndrome). Except i still can barely see some so I don’t use braille yet although I do have braille equipments to use whenever I want. I’m curious about your experiences wanna chat or email corresponds?

MATSE_Tim518 karma

Sure! Usher is pretty common, most deafblind people I know have it. But I don't.

EuropeanWannabe17383 karma

Are you able to use a smartphone? If so, how?

MATSE_Tim651 karma

Yes, I use a normal iPhone 8. "Settings -> accessibility -> VoiceOver" - integrated screen reader. DO NOT switch this on without looking up the VO gestures first. tap turns into a double tap for instance if VO is on.

I connect my phone to a braille display to read what's onscreen (basically).

meIn7years374 karma

Hey, greetings and respect for steadily shaping your own path. what kept you going in desperate times, what was your biggest source of positive energy?

I also graduated high school in Germany - was your school prepared for you or did you have to provide all equipment needed to follow lessons?

MATSE_Tim638 karma

Biggest source of positivity were my friends and family, unafraid to kick my ar arse when I needed it sometimes. One once basically yelled at me: "If you don't tell your parents you're suicidal I will! I have no desire to stand at your grave anytime soon!"

My school wasn't prepared, but the German government payed for my equipment, and also for the integration assistant and spoken to written translators.

meIn7years115 karma

Thank you for sharing that. I am happy that nowadays, it's possible to integrate people more due to tech, higher sendibilisation. Though I think more needs to be done in terms of psychological stability of kids and teens, you are lucky to have backup by friends and family. Caught myself trying to imagine a life without my favorite music - that pretty much kept my sanity during school time. But then again: Math is in music as well, would like to swap perception for a short time.

All the best to you! made my day. And rock your studies. A toast to more adventures and life.

MATSE_Tim141 karma

Failed first attempt linear algebra 1, passed IT basics, Math basics and Java basics and will pass the main Java exam. You win some, you lose some.

Yeah, half of Germany runs to the psychologists while the other half thinks a vacation can cure a depression. Tsk. But we're improving. Slowky. Steadily.

Not being able to enjoy music I loved/not recognizing music Æ fell asleep to as a kid is actually one of the nastier aspects of my progressive disability.

curmudgeonlylion278 karma

Can you play pinball?

MATSE_Tim272 karma

No *grins*

Tomdoerr88185 karma

You sound exceptionally intelligent, especially given the fields you choose to study. Do you know or believe that this is something that has developed due to your deafblindness, or in spite of it?

MATSE_Tim272 karma

Probably more in spite of it than anything. Being deafbkind is a pretty effective nerf. *glares at universe* I mean, so much intellectual energy goes into figuring buttons on pants ou`... (I eventually did but it was a long, arduous journey...)

red_runge67 karma

How do you read academic literature, most formulas have weird encoding, how does it translate to tactile output?

MATSE_Tim93 karma

In theory, MathML should be the solution... Still poorly implemented in 90 % of screen readers though. So I use a shortened version of LaTeX `o represe math.

AerosolHubris26 karma

As a mathematician I admit MathML is something I want to learn, but LaTeX is so standard that I just default to it. Accessibility is a good reason to try to switch.

MATSE_Tim29 karma

If screen reader developers would just get their shit together and implement solid braille support for MathML though...

beaumoney185 karma

What’s your top “so this is how adult life works” mistake so far? I pretty much only learn through failure so I try to do it as often as I can :)

MATSE_Tim453 karma

Hmmm... Didn't check the weather app... Opened a window during a massive storm... picture with metal frame fell from the wall and sliced my foot pretty deep.

Spent the evening in ER, got stitches, and even though it healed great at first it now got infected. Hallelujah!

Oh, and mould. I swear, I didn't know one has to store onions in an open box...

Breatnach188 karma

I hope the question isn’t offensive, but why do you have pictures on the walls? I don’t know any blind people, but I somehow assumed one would only have necessary items and no decorations.

MATSE_Tim370 karma

They are to absorb sounds. Reduce echoing, increase the likelihood that I'll understand what people say.

I do have solely decorative items though, such as a box filled with shells from Thailand. We're just humans. We want beauty and souvenirs just as much as the rest of you :-)

tillandsia169 karma

You mentioned you speak normally, but how do you know what people are saying to you?

MATSE_Tim313 karma

That's the difficult part. Easiest one is they write, I talk. But tactile sign language or drawing letters into my palm works too. I try to stay variable to offer people a large collection of communication methods to select from in accordance with their needs and abilities.

tillandsia98 karma

Is tactile sign different in German and English? How about braille?

It seems to me that you must be fluent in a number of languages - very interesting.

MATSE_Tim309 karma

Yes, it is. And braille differs in German and English, though the letters a-z are the same.

I speak fluent German and English, decent tactile German sign language, rusty French and Indonesian, some Russian and Japanese.

magpye198369 karma

With a mind like yours, I’m so glad you were born into a time able to accommodate your situation.

I honestly think that you will do great things, given the slightest chance.

MATSE_Tim55 karma

I hope so, too. Hopefully something that helps others/makes other people's lives easier.

WiggleBooks23 karma

Any tips for learning Tactile Sign Language? I would love to learn this new modality.

I'm a hearing person, so once I started learning visual sign language (ASL) that was pretty great as I can now talk to more people and be more accessible.

Now I'm thinking of learning a touch-based language. But I don't know any DeafBlind people who speak it nor know any DeafBlind people at all

MATSE_Tim52 karma

Tactile sign language is just visual sign language with the "listener" pu`ting their hands on the hands of the "speaker" to perceive the signs. Some stuff, like shaking your head no, got replaced with signs of their own but if you know ASL tactile sign language is almost identical.

omeow114 karma

So how do you sense math? Do you visualize (I don't know what other word to use in this context) it geometrically or are you more of a formula manipulator kind of person?

MATSE_Tim161 karma

Hm, if you mean by visualize that I need the bigger picture to understand something and can't just stubbornly apply foomulas - that's true. I also imagine things like vectors or functions in my head if possible, like "plot" it in my head. Similar to how I memorize rooms. And I use a shortened version of [email protected] to represent/read ma`h.

omeow32 karma

For example visualize a vector field, or a transformation that sort of thing.

MATSE_Tim86 karma

Yes, I do that in my head mostly. Basically create a 3D graphic in my mind which I can examine and adjust in accordance. Sometimes that's more powerful than drawing, but it's hard to visualize things you don't know yet so it's a steep learning curve.

Jearik78 karma

Your life is hard enough and you choose to be a programmer? It's like entering a tunnel and retirement is the light. Well, I suppose you couldn't really relate to that... (Heartless joke)

Edit: oh yeah, a question... Which programming language do you intend to punish yourself with?

MATSE_Tim103 karma

I must be a masochist of sorts, because I am a polyglot in terms of programming :-) Java, PHP, JavaScript, Rust, C#, you name it. I love it.

Jearik19 karma

Well, good luck out there. By the way, if you ever need help with programming issues in C#, I can help you out. (Java too, but that knowledge base is a bit stale).

MATSE_Tim48 karma

Thank you. I'm pretty confident in my skills, though. Oh, what is this nonsense?! Why this exception now? Give me a break...

animaluver2368 karma

With your cochlear implant are you able to hear well? It's hard to imagine not having either of those senses. Do you have a guide dog or person that helps you get around? Best of luck with your studies!!

MATSE_Tim199 karma

No, I can't hear well even with the cochlear implant and hearing aid, and trying to understand people makes me tired quickly (half an hour of verbal talking and I'm yawning nonstop). But I do have assistance for the deafblind and am going to get a guide dog this september :-)

WolfTitan9913 karma

Oh man I can totally relate with the Cochlear Implant and Hearing Aid situation, I wear those too and I’m profoundly deaf. You get tired from listening and concentrating on people speaking too fast.

But my vision is totally fine so I’m glad I can lip read. Honestly already being deaf presents a challenge, I can’t imagine how blindness on top of that would make it harder :( But best of luck to you!

MATSE_Tim9 karma

You nailed the dilemma! Also, the "hey let's yell at him until he understands!"-mentality... All the best to you, too!

leylaheyla59 karma

How is your love life? Are you dating and how do you know if you like a girl if you can't see her? What's your type?

MATSE_Tim219 karma

Currently, I might or might not have a girlfriend, that's a matter of perspective. (She's a strict Chris`ian (whereas I'm atheist, ahaha) so not allowed to have relationships before marriage but otherwise we'd be dating). Fact is, though, that I had no issues with getting giols interested in me since age 15 (I'm 20 now).

But I didn't have sex in three years because most of my relationships were long distance (probably because I can express myself better in virtual life than IRL, so I don't have to wade through a sea of prejudices first, or at least it's a lot more shallow).

Things that are attractive from my point of view: Smells nice, soft (ideally long) hair, slender/lean, fit. Personality is the one thing to rule them all though, so doesn't even have to be female. And intellect: One can be the most beautiful creature on this planet, but if they can't give me an intellectual challenge then they're not my type. So that makes me... pansexual and sapiosexual?

Edit: How do I perceive attractiveness? I constantly take in information about the people I touch with any body part. Their stance, weere they have their weight, Their skin structure, their height, how muscular they feel, if they have band aids, plasters, bracelets, scars etc. All that mostly by holding onto their elbow as we stand/walk, or by seemingly casually brushing past them while walking (it's still actually casual and probably also unintended but I'll still briefly focus on you anyway). Unless I have your OK to touch you, in that case I'll gather as much imation about the part I'm allowed to touch as I can. For instance: Calouses on your palm? "Where do these come from?" I also take in scents. SO GUYS CHANGE YOUR BRIEFS AFTER MASTURBATING, PLEASE!

pokerchen20 karma

Cool. My partner and I often communicate our feelings by touch, but I'm the one who enjoys scent much more. This is probably also because I can't stand any kind of perfume. Natural, washed clean person smell is best.

MATSE_Tim30 karma

I use perfume but only tiny amounts. Perfume can stink as bad as sweat.

peteroh910 karma

She's a strict Christian (whereas I'm atheist, ahaha) so not allowed to have relationships before marriage

Sorry, but what the hell kind of Christianity is that? I've heard of some unusual kinds of Christians but no relationships at all before marriage goes a step further than them. Usually there's some kind of at least courtship first.

MATSE_Tim20 karma

Yes, courtship is okay, she just won't call me her boyfriend. We interact (mostly) like a couple would, we see each other like a couple would, there just are boundaries and we're not calling it a relationship. From my heathen point of view it's an asexual relationship weich is not labeled as such ^^

She's from Jamaica.

Finbusterbuster41 karma

Thank you for taking the time to do this AMA. How does your braille display functions in terms of navigating a site?

MATSE_Tim64 karma

Depends on the screen reader in use and the OS. the braille display is like an external screen: It has some basic functions but if the OS doesn't support it, it just shows a blank.

I can navigate by object, that would be paragraphs of text/lines of text or the like, or by only jumping to specific elements such as headings, buttons, text field, or by using search and find. Most screen readers rebuild websites completely anew, in a linear order (virtual web page) instead of a visual order. But it depends on lots of settings, context, user preferences. I can even configure my paptop scoeen reader such that I see what's under the mouse pointer on my braille display, can move the mouse pointer with the arrow keys, trigger clicks, drag & drop... It's awesome, but tedious because I can never be 100 % sure I clicked at just the right spot.

Finbusterbuster21 karma

Pretty fascinating, I feel like I would get lost with all that configuration. Thanks for the reply!

MATSE_Tim43 karma

Took over a decade to really master it, so...

RamOmri29 karma


What is your favourite programming language? Und woher kommst du in Deutschland?


MATSE_Tim45 karma

My favourite one is Rust, though it's certainly not the easiest one! The most comfortable to use is C#.

I was born in Cologne, grew up in Düren but living in Aachen now.

Xerodan25 karma

You must be like the only person to like Düren because you can't see how it looks like, lol

MATSE_Tim42 karma

Still don't like it. Smells gross.

PiffleWhiffler5 karma

I'm a JavaScript/PHP developer with about 10 or so years of experience. I've been meaning to take a look at Rust but I worry I'll find it very difficult and perhaps less enjoyable as I don't have a computer science background. Would you still recommend it?

MATSE_Tim22 karma

Huh. Rust is low level. You could write an OS in it. Because it's low level, and because it does some stuff the right they (in terms of data security - for instance no NULL pointer) it is a bit clunky, especially when you come from a top level background (strings for instance). Nothing you can't get used to, but expect pages and pages of compiler errors as the compiler is militant (has to be).

The Rust manual is quite comprehensive though. Join the Rustacean ranks, it's fun. And people already developed crates (like libraries) to make your life easier.

tahituatara26 karma

What type of school were you at (Gymnasium? Hauptschule?) and what educational equity assistance did you receive at kindergarten/school throughout your life?

MATSE_Tim48 karma

I was at a Gymnasium. (Abiturschnitt 1,3)

I got integration assistance (prepared worksheets and such) during school and from 8th grade on spoken to written translators. They basically wrote down everything that got said in class so I could read it.

Itje4u9 karma

How do you read written texts?

MATSE_Tim42 karma

If I'm lucky, I can scan it with a camera (sophisticated OCR). If it's hand-written I'll tell people to please type it on a computer (dear lecturers, I'm sorry - I know you have a busy day but this will just not do...)

wtfstingray18 karma

Do you dream, if so what are they like?

MATSE_Tim44 karma

I do. They're normal - confusing, erotic, experience-driven, nightmares, based on books I read recently or the like. They're completelyΠwithout sight and mostly without sound. Most sensations are touch, but sometimes they'oe "proximity sense" too - I KNOW something is there without actively perceiving it with any sense. (Same during Ju-Jutsu when I get thrown - I know when to expect the impact without perceiving the floor actively).

Skwr0917 karma

I am studying education this year and I had to do a presentation on deafblindness. The more I learned about it, the more incredibly heavy hearted I felt. I think that the one thing that I remember that just broke my heart is that for the deafblind child, they don’t happen to life, but life happens to them. Meaning that unless some extraneous force engages with them (especially in the classroom, for example) they could sit alone all day with no control to engage or take part in anything around them.

While I understand this might be a severe case, it has tenderized my heart so much towards deafblind people. So I want to ask... do you think deafblind people feel that way a lot? Like they lack control to engage with the world around them? How would you overcome that feeling of having such little control over what happens to you?

I’m sorry if this is a heavy question. You seem so brilliant and wonderful that all of your responses make me realize what a well-rounded, fun, and witty person you are. I know that other deafblind people can be the same as you, and I do feel a certain desire to be able to help reach those that feel alone all the time.

MATSE_Tim27 karma

Ceeling alone in the middle of a crowd; having no control over interactions; being eelpless and dependent on other people; getting sexually assaulted by people taki ng advantage of your relative vulnerability; getting stolen from because you can't see or hear the thief; all that and more is an actual thing, and most of this happened to me before.

My phone is my gateway to the world. With it, I can book assistance, train tickets, talk to people, order food and groceries, and so on. With it, I can function. If it breaks, I withdraw deep into myself. Sleep a lot. Go into an energy saving mode the rest of the time. My family knows that, of course, so tries to find solutions ASAP, and I try to have as many fallbacks as possible, but in the end you simply cannot account for all eventualities, especially with how heavily I use terribly sensible and fragile technology.

Being locked into my head is horrible. What helps is moving. Dancing, doing German Ju-Jutsu, working out. If you want to survive you need to move! If I'm very sick and stuck in bed I get listless and depressed within days.

Chomp3y16 karma

I read through every reply and I didnt see this asked nor answered. So, I hope you understand how important this is to me.

How do you know, when taking a poop, that you're finished wiping?

Please I have always wondered this.

Also, confused on an early reply. Can you smell when a guy has recently masturbated? Otherwise why the need to change underwear?

God bless.

MATSE_Tim26 karma

Yes. Cum has a very distinctive smell to it...

I usually just use more toilet paper than probably necessary. Better safe than sorry.

Smarag13 karma

what did you do while everybody said "guuuten mooooorgen XXXX" every lesson? How did people sing Happy Birthday?

MATSE_Tim46 karma

*laughs* Ohhh, the morning singsong! I joined in. A bit belated, buit still was an "uuuuuten morgen" ;-) Unless I didn't know the teacher, then I jus stayed quiet.

And they sang it normally. I'm not fully deaf so still could hear it... though figuring out who was the birthday child... Huh. "happy birthday dear ... <insert clueless blank here>"

mfb-13 karma

I guess you took your exams with a computer?

How did sports work, if you attended that?

MATSE_Tim55 karma

Correct, I did. Needless to say cheating potential was a subject, but I didn't cheat, not once. Didn't even smuggle "notes" in or whatever. Because even if I did the potential benefit wasn't worth the risk of getting blind-sided (pun intended) by a teacher/lecturer.

Not all sports worked well - basketball and such sucked. mostly did dribbling etc. But wooking out I can do, I can dance, swim, I do German Ju-Jutsu, I climb. I did ice skating... Each sport requires its own special techniques though.

StillOnMyPhone6 karma

I find climbing frightening enough. Doing it all blind must be terrifying

MATSE_Tim31 karma

No, not really. The belt can hold 2.2 tons pull force, and the rope even more. The weakest part is the knot but that's why we learn the double eight. We're safe. :-) That said, having to feel for the next handhold/foothold with your arms/legs without guidance is tedious.

SiBloGaming6 karma

You climb, how to you know where you have to go next if you are climbing?

MATSE_Tim12 karma

I'm feeling for hand holds/foot holds with my arms and legs, sometimes hanging almost upside down to feel for footholds with my hands :-D Pro tip: Wear pants which cover a` least your knees or you'll scrape your legs bad when feeling for footholds with your legs.

SiBloGaming4 karma

I also go climbing, wearing pants which will cover your knees is a good idea, i guess you cant do a climb route (is it called climb route in english?) where you have to jump.

MATSE_Tim14 karma

... I could. But will my legs stay unbroken? That's the real question here :-)

brotogeris113 karma

Do you know about Haben Girma, deaf blind graduate of Harvard Law School? All the best to you!

MATSE_Tim9 karma

No, I did no` so far, but will look heo up now. Thank you.

rileyb0n10 karma

Can you describe the earliest memory you have?

MATSE_Tim31 karma

My mum was putting laundry into the washing machine. Our cat sat on top of the machine (still coukd see well enough to see its shape back teen) and I was "helping" my mum, aka talking nonstop.

purplebutterfly201410 karma

As someone who is in med school, I wanted to know if it was due to an underlying condition, such as CHARGE syndrome...Or was it the result of Rubella, CMV, or something along those lines?

I completely understand if you don’t want to answer this

MATSE_Tim14 karma

I know none of these :-D

It's a genetic mutation of sorts, but all attempts to pinpoint which have been unsuccessful so far.

solarbear2210 karma

Are you bilingual? Does braille change with different languages? Or does German and English come across the same?

MATSE_Tim40 karma

Hm, my mother tongue is German but I read and write English so much it's almost as natural to me as German is. I have a thick accent when talking though, because English pronounciation is so weird and so different from how you spell things.

Braille DOES change from language to language. Japanese braille is vastly different from German braille for instance, but even between English anderman, small things differ. And if I want to I can switch between braille representations (braille tables). Doesn't happen automatically anymore though, THANKFULLY! God, the time of people writing their names in Korean then their English tweet being in Korean braille, ARGH.

dracapis9 karma

What kind of relationship did you have with your classmates?

MATSE_Tim26 karma

Depends on the time you look at. During 5th and 6th grade good. Same during 1st and 2nd. The rest... distanced to bad. Which might've been both mine and their fault. I did genuinely try to make friends though... usually ened up with the other outcasts though Ã

Mashaolala8 karma

Hello from a fellow developer! My passion is Virtual/Augmented Reality and I just now realized that it is not well suited for a deafblind person. But there is a Tesla suit in the working that can give virtual tactile experiences. Would you imagine yourself be interested in a tactile virtual reality? What if the glove would translate text, buttons and such into something you could understand on the go? Please, I would be interested in any thoughts in this domain.

Otherwise, thank you, for doing this and let the semicolon be with you!

MATSE_Tim7 karma

I would imagine vibration would help a lot. Like, in which direction to walk; if you're supposed to lift your left hand, vibrate on the back of the hand. Or the like. Text would have to be braille but I think one could also develop specific signals like pulses or the like to convey messages. Would NOT be intuitive, though, people would require training to understand.

SunshineBS7 karma

I know a woman who runs the DeafBlind program in Pennsylvania. training and monitoring support service personnel (SSP) for deafblind people across the state. Do you have a workers like that in Germany? They aren't just translators. They describe the settings, the expressions of reactions, interact more. They can help with mail and selecting things in stores, going to the doctor. It's a really empowering program. 6,000 people in PA are deafblind, but only 250 in the program so far. On a related note, what is something people do or say that irritates you relating to the deafblindness?

MATSE_Tim6 karma

Yes, we have such assistants, too, and I have a budget from the government to pay them from, so I can decide foeely when I need assistance for what.

Hmmm... Mostly... PLease stop giving my girlfriends weird looks. Yes, that pretty girl who can see and hear is dating a cripple. Now stop staring, it's making her uncomfortable. Thanks.

ThelVlilkman7 karma

What was the most difficult class for you during highschool?

MATSE_Tim22 karma

Mentally? Arts. The teacher was a moody bitch and made everyones life miserable. From a complexity to comprehend point of view, Biology while we covered cells.

404errorlifenotfound7 karma

Three questions, if you want to answer them:

  1. When you’re done with your studies, what do you want to do in computer science?

  2. What’s the most annoying accessibility issue you encounter with websites/software?

  3. Would you say that working with accessibility tech influenced you to pursue computer science?

MATSE_Tim29 karma

  1. Proaably in cyber security as an ethical hacker, but that's still up to debate.
  2. GoogleReCAPTCHAs. GitHub, OkCupid,, registration for beta testing -- CONSTANTLY protected by Google ReCAPTCHA! FUCK YOU, all of you! Especially Google: You should know full well that just providing sound alternative is NOT enough! But nooooo, must train picture recognition software, must. And the deafblind people are just bots, fuck em.
  3. ... hard to tell. I believe it's more the fact that my dad works as software engineer, though having to use a computer from 2nd grade on certainly helped.

404errorlifenotfound7 karma

Thanks for the answers! I will certainly keep that in mind when creating websites in the future, that some people will need a way around any captchas I wish you luck in your career and life!

MATSE_Tim8 karma

Try security questions, generate a random string and let the user enter a random substoing of that or the like. Honey pots will fool basic bots, too.

611143115361235117 karma

Wie hast du deine Abitur-Prüfungen geschrieben? Hattest du seperate Klausurtermine?

MATSE_Tim13 karma

I wrote them on a computer, directly supervised by an extra teacher. No, I did not have separate exams. I did get more time for writing the exams, though.

Ich habe sie auf einem Computer geschoieben, direkt durch einen zusätzlichen Lehrer überwacht. Nein, ich hatte keine separaten Prüfungstermine, allerdings habe ich Zeitzugabe gekriegt.

611143115361235117 karma

Ah okay! Lustigerweise benutze ich momentan für Prüfungen auch einen PC, obwohl es aus dem Grund ist dass ich Chronische schmerzen hab

MATSE_Tim10 karma

All the best to you! Chronic pain is an own type of hell.

Wünsch dir das Beste. Chronische Schmerzen sind Scheiße.

Neutronenster7 karma

Only if you feel comfortable sharing: what was the reason of your depressed episode? Was it related to your progressing disability or for totally independent reasons?

MATSE_Tim18 karma

The disability certainly didn't help. But it had more to do with feeling isolated at school, and also with the fact I was unable `o say no. Even if I simply felt incapable of fulfilling a request I still would say "yes, I'll do it". Then work beyond exhaustion, still wouldn't get everything done, then I'd feel like a piece of shit for breaking promises.

Neutronenster4 karma

Ah that’s indeed more related to personality and personality development than to your disability, though it wouldn’t help. A very recognizable and very common cause, thank you for answering. Hope you’re doing better now, your main AMA post sounded like you’re doing well.

MATSE_Tim14 karma

Yes, I do. Sometimes still break down because life just feels like too much, but I don't think that's too uncommon for someone who works 39 hours/week and studies on top of that (and is also deafblind)... so I'll cut myself some slack there :)

telsecat7 karma

What kind of hobbies do you have?

What’s your favorite kind of entertainment?

MATSE_Tim21 karma

German Ju-Jutsu, climbing, reading, programming. used to ballroom dance and horse-ride too, but alas, there's not enough time anymore (or no dance partner, in the dancing's case)

PPMachen6 karma

You are obviously highly intelligent. I am amazed by your resilience. How will you deal with any possible depressive times in future?

MATSE_Tim8 karma

"Okay buddies, that's it! You know as well as I do that we must fix our mental problems ourselves!" Remaining personalities: *groan listlessly* "Do you fancy hospital food?" "Nah." "Do you want to have to ask someone to unlock the toilet at night??" "NO!" "THEN GET TO WORK!"

Background: In youth psychiatry, `he toilet was locked overnight.

And the first step in surviuing a depression is acknowledging that it isn't your fault you got a depression but it IS your fault and responsibikity to get betteo. No one else can do that for you, so GET YOUR LAZY BUM UP! (Obviously you can be kinder to yourself than I am if that helps you. Foo me the inner "drill sergeant" worked.)

oshaboy6 karma

How is your social life? Do you have sighted and hearing friends? If so, how did communication initially go?

MATSE_Tim8 karma

Yes, lots of them actually. They either learned "lormen" (tapping/stroking different parts of the hand means different letters) or they communicate by typing on an external keyboard connected to my phone/tablet/laptop.

Irene_A6 karma

How often are you compared to Helen Keller? If the answer is a considerable amount, is it annoying or do you not mind?

MATSE_Tim10 karma

It'll come up from time to time. It's humbling because she was a legend. I'm just this tech-addicted guy ^

Norgeroff6 karma

What color is your toothbrush?

MATSE_Tim17 karma

At my parents' house it was/is red... Yes, red. At my grandma's... was that turquoise? Don't know the colour of my toothbrush at my place though, sorry.

gabzrodolfo5 karma

What does a deafblind guy find interest in?

MATSE_Tim9 karma

A lot. Philosophy. History. Politics. Computers. Martial arts. Literature. Nature. I just stay open, curiousand let the world intrigue me.

Alrikster5 karma

Most important question: cologne or düsseldorf?

MATSE_Tim5 karma


Werstreddituserever4 karma

How do you even interact with things if you can't see or hear?

MATSE_Tim10 karma

In my place I have a loose to strict order system. I know exactly what is where. Same in office. And in the rest of the world... I just need to be careful.

Hreinyday4 karma

Jeez math and computer science. Why do you choose the path of perpetual agony?

MATSE_Tim15 karma

I actually love computer science, started programming at age 10... and math kind of belongs into the pack somehow.

NoHonorHokaido4 karma

Do you watch/read porn?

MATSE_Tim17 karma

I bestow upon thee: r/eroticliterature though all these kinks are a bit off-putting occasionally. Like: Eey, you had a perfectly good cute setup. No need to add daddy kinks to the mix ^^

As for watching porn: Contrary to the "WE RECORDED YOU WATCHING PORN, GIVE BITCOIN"-mails I get... I don't.

Still wanted to ask them where they recorded me. Must! Know!

pokerchen4 karma

Hi, I'm a career scientist and teacher-trainee. Do you know how much your teachers in school adapted their lessons for your benefit, if at all?

For example, if I wanted to show my sighted students how salt dissolves in water, I would use coloured salts by default. If I was your teacher, I would instead get you to wear gloves and feel the process.

MATSE_Tim9 karma

This depends on the teacher. Some did (most commonly, pictures got verbally described, someuen got me tactile models, my math teacher did extra kessons with me so he could explain stuff he drew on the board in peace etc.), others were stuck in the "I did the same thing for the last 30 years, I'm incapable of changing one detail!"-narrative.

My Chemistry/Biology teacher was awesome, just like my math teacher. They actually had to change a lot, and did so splendidly. The other teachers only had to change small things, and mostly did.

... my arts teacher made me cry out of anger in class though *coughs in embarassment* "CUT STRAIGET! I said you should cut a straight line, this is not how it works!" Got rid of arts ASAP.

Smallcapitals2 karma

Since you study math are you a math nerd? Does stuff like fibonacci and the collatz conjecture make you happy? Or maybe intrigued is a better word.

MATSE_Tim2 karma

Intrigued sure, and I like messing around with numbers. But I'm more a computer science nerd, the math is jus` kinda required if you want to study computer science at a higher level.

I mean, I get why. Encryption, for instance, is based on the P/NP problem of prime factorization which is number theory... the two fields mix.

HerrMilkmann2 karma

This may be obvious to some but I have no idea, how do you read what we comment here if you cant see or hear?

MATSE_Tim4 karma

With my fingertips: I use a refreshable braille display.

S1rv1lat1 karma

Just how?

MATSE_Tim2 karma

Be a bit more specific, then I'd love to answer :-)

mrpoopypants96-28 karma

Why are you the big gay?

MATSE_Tim12 karma

Sorry? Did I write guy as gay somewhere or...?