This is the tribute page setup by his 13yr old sister.
They both make me very proud.
This is the tribute page setup by his 13yr old sister.
They both make me very proud.
Comments: 682 • Responses: 29 • Date: 2010-11-15 18:32:29 UTCsource
MaratUK566 karma2010-11-15 18:33:54 UTC
View HistoryShare Link
ProbablyHittingOnYou68 karma2010-11-15 18:54:07 UTC
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Because this is an IAmA:
What are you doing with his online presence? Facebook page, Reddit profile, whatever? Leaving it up so you can remember him as he was, or taking it down?
[deleted]237 karma2010-11-15 19:03:20 UTC
I actually have a bash script that I told my friend to run in the event of my death. It updates/submits stuff to all the sites I frequent to let people know of my death. And it also updates my facebook status every other day to "Still dead lol".
EDIT: For those of you asking for the script, I'll upload it later tonight when I get home. It will have to be customized for your own purposes (unless you all want topics created on spearfishing messaging boards too), but it shouldn't be that hard.
DOUBLEDIT: I want to see if I can mess with it to use the facebook's "check-in" feature to check in from the cemetery
blackrobot30 karma2010-11-15 19:06:31 UTC
funny, but inappropriate for here.
MaratUK278 karma2010-11-15 19:21:12 UTC
no that's fine, Sam would have laughed
MaratUK109 karma2010-11-15 19:01:36 UTC
We've left all his online, and real, stuff much as he left it, it helps to go to his facebook page occasionally and i can't bring myself to delete it anyway, it just seems wrong.
VimmyNothing27 karma2010-11-15 21:06:51 UTC
I'm never going to think about killing myself again after reading that note you wrote to him.
MaratUK37 karma2010-11-15 21:12:38 UTC
Do not. Clearly I don't know you, but I'm sure there are people who Love you and would definitely not understand.
MaratUK3 karma2010-11-16 22:01:12 UTC
When I submitted this I thought it might get a few viewings and comments but I'm stunned by the outpouring of affection. Sam would have been stunned, and probably a little embarrassed, to read this. Thank you all for your kind words and tributes on this and the gonetoosoon site. If this has achieved anything, I hope it's to make people appreciate their loved ones just a little more, don't take the time you have together for granted.
Fauster3 karma2010-11-15 22:30:54 UTC
Thanks for letting us know, and we're deeply sorry for his passing. I'm adding a link in the /r/obits subreddit.
MaratUK3 karma2010-11-15 22:34:04 UTC
Thanks, didn't know that sub was there.
MaratUK334 karma2010-11-15 19:18:35 UTC
The Make a Wish foundation arranged this for Sam, a few days later he was gone.
airforcefalco73 karma2010-11-15 18:57:43 UTC
How are you and your family holding up?
MaratUK242 karma2010-11-15 19:02:29 UTC
We are doing ok, working to numb the pain, trying not to drink too much.
[deleted]52 karma2010-11-15 19:05:42 UTC
MaratUK49 karma2010-11-15 19:09:17 UTC
Thanks I had a quick scan through his page, he wasn't a prolific contributor but he loved reading this stuff.
Brettuss78 karma2010-11-15 20:08:36 UTC
His first comment was to a post on Gonewild. He sounds like a prolific badass to me.
MaratUK55 karma2010-11-15 20:18:41 UTC
Hmmm! I know.
[deleted]48 karma2010-11-15 19:10:07 UTC
I'm sorry for your loss. I'd love to donate to a charity in his honor, please let me know of a charity or foundation that would best honor him.
MaratUK58 karma2010-11-15 19:26:41 UTC
The make a wish foundation do great things, but any teenage cancer charity would appreciate the help, thanks.
rikurem28 karma2010-11-15 19:41:34 UTC
Is there anything we could do for his sister? If it was a 'real life' friend of mine, we'd all have a whip round and look after her with some kind of treat or day out so she could be a kid again, even for a few hours.
If that sounds like something you'd like the reddit community to do, please let us know. Equally, no problem if you'd rather the focus went on charities or even nothing at all.
MaratUK35 karma2010-11-15 20:04:27 UTC
Thanks that's kind but she'd be mortified if she thought I was organising something for her, cancer charities will always be in need though.
[deleted]9 karma2010-11-15 19:42:18 UTC
Well, I'm in New England and the The Jimmy Fund is our regional foundation that helps kids and families dealing with cancer, in association with the Dana Farber.
I'll try to find the equivalent in the UK. If there's anything that pops into your mind, feel free to let me know.
quazimodo21 karma2010-11-15 20:07:31 UTC
My first boyfriend had non hodgkin's lymphoma, and the work that The Teenage Cancer Trust does is just fabulous. What helped him most was being moved to one of their funded centre's whilst he was in treatment. Before that, the hospital didn't know what to do with him, he was on the kid's ward with 4 year olds or on a normal ward where the average age is about 60. When he was moved he had friends his own age, who we hung out with, played computer games with, could talk to etc. Most importantly, he could speak about his worries that he'd be left infertile and so on. No other 17 year old thinks about that, at that ward he found people who he could relate with.
MaratUK28 karma2010-11-15 20:17:33 UTC
This......Am I doing that right?
Sam was in a TCT Ward at Birmingham and the facilities are fantastic. They Make the kids feel special.
festizian31 karma2010-11-15 19:41:03 UTC
I am sorry to hear about your loss.
I am unsure if a bone marrow transplant would have helped Sam or not, but I'd like to encourage all of you benevolent redditors to sign up for the bone marrow registry and maybe help save the life of a child or person suffering from leukemia or another debilitating disease. There was a big post by a guy who donated so I know a lot of you know already.
Be the Match
MaratUK40 karma2010-11-15 19:46:33 UTC
Sam had a transplant, from an anonymous donor in germany, but relapsed within 5 months and his doctors said it was too soon and his system was too weak to tolerate another. I heartily endorse your appeal for donors
meeeow31 karma2010-11-15 19:30:53 UTC
Your kid is the coolest looking ginger I have ever seen. Next to that car? Badass...
I'm truly sorry for your and your family's loss.
MaratUK34 karma2010-11-15 19:37:17 UTC
yeah, he was cool.
chas11man31 karma2010-11-15 20:53:18 UTC
do you think we could give him a special trophy to honor him? I think it would be a nice gesture from the Reddit community to honor those who no longer comment among us. (I mean this in the best of ways, I apologize if anyone finds this offensive)
Edit: changed "badge" to "trophy"
MaratUK11 karma2010-11-15 20:58:38 UTC
What sort of badge? I'm fairly new here.
Beatle_Matt28 karma2010-11-15 19:03:43 UTC
I find it absolutely mental that in this day and age, with all the technological, scientific, and medical advances we've made, that 17 year olds have to die from cancer/leukemia.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
MaratUK56 karma2010-11-15 19:07:15 UTC
Sam's Leukemia was very complicated but we thought he'd beaten it, we only had 5 weeks from relapse to the end. The medical staff were brilliant from start to finish apart from one doctor at the end.
jean199125 karma2010-11-15 19:22:58 UTC
Why? What did that doctor do?
MaratUK48 karma2010-11-15 19:42:39 UTC
she made Sam's mum feel bad for crying and told her to pull herself together! it was all I could do to stop myself from getting in her face, the nurses took her away and got another doctor. We have written to the hospital to complain about her attitude.
DumbOldGuy25 karma2010-11-15 21:13:23 UTC
My deepest and most sincere condolences go out to your and your family for your loss.
As a father who lost a 3.5 yo daughter to cancer (rhabdomyosarcoma), i have some understanding of your loss. As hard as that was to watch my kid go through, I always thought it would be harder for the parents of older terminal kids, as there is no getting around the death conversation (something i never had to have with my young daughter).
Trying to have the death conversation with her older brother was a distinct turning point in his life at 5 yo (in the same year he found out there was no santa, and really bad random shit can happen to anyone at anytime).
How did you make out being able to address the life/death thing with your boy and his siblings?
btw, the first year is brutal, then after than it gets a little easier but their presence never goes away, its hard to find the fine line between holding them in a place of happiness in your heart, and sobbing from the memories. I myself cut people way more slack now as you never know if the sad/sour people you run into each day haven't just been kicked in the balls by life.
Thanks for doing the IAmA, that was brave of you.
MaratUK18 karma2010-11-15 21:30:56 UTC
When we found out the Leukemia had returned and the prognosis was terminal we didn't know how we were going to tell him. The Doctors told us it was their job to tell him, so we let them, may sound cowardly but I just don't know if I could have done it. As it was when they told him we managed to keep it together for him and it was a relief if that doesn't sound too odd.
iddqd22 karma2010-11-15 19:14:44 UTC
One of my co-workers told me today that the doctors have given his son about three more months to live. His son is ten, and have lived with leukaemia for about three years. I have no idea how to tell him, or you, how sorry I am. My deepest condolences. If you have any advice on how to show support and how to be there without being in the way, I'd be glad to hear it.
MaratUK30 karma2010-11-15 19:25:26 UTC
No-one knows what to say because there is nothing you can say. just being there is enough, your friends know you're there. If they are at all like me they will appreciate that you are concerned enough to worry about getting it wrong.
fiercelyfriendly17 karma2010-11-15 19:21:44 UTC
"teaching us all a lesson about what's important in life"
I'm sure we all probably know what these lessons are but forget them too often. I'd be honoured if you'd remind me and the redditors here one of the things your son taught you about life.
Nobody should lose a son or daughter- it goes against nature. Look after yourself and your family through this time. So sorry for your loss.
MaratUK36 karma2010-11-15 19:36:33 UTC
Through Sam's whole demeanour and attitude throughout his treatment from going to have his sperm frozen early on in his treatment, to finding out that he was dying and there was nothing they could do, I learned that whatever happens you have to just get on with it and make the very most of what you have. life dealt Sam a really shitty hand but he played the cards he had like a pro.
lectrick5 karma2010-11-15 22:30:44 UTC
I am very sorry for your loss.
I can't help but ask what the frozen sperm are for, though...
oh, wait. Because irradiation will kill his gonads, won't it. :( I'm sorry...
Leaving this up here as an FYI for others
MaratUK5 karma2010-11-15 22:35:16 UTC
Yes, they have been destroyed now too, it was insurance for when he got better and wanted to reproduce later on.
Vitalstatistix9 karma2010-11-15 19:33:13 UTC
Condolences. Since this is an AMA and I get the impression Sam liked cars, what were some of his favorite cars?
MaratUK20 karma2010-11-15 20:08:12 UTC
Definitely the veyron was top of his list but he had a soft spot for Aston Martin and Lamborghini, got to drive both of those on a track day a couple of weeks before. he was very impressed with the ferrari enzo too.
CalBerks9 karma2010-11-15 20:12:31 UTC
I don't know what to ask.... I am terribly sorry for your loss...
How can I be a better son maybe?
MaratUK16 karma2010-11-15 21:18:30 UTC
Tell people that you love them, I'm so glad that Sam said, and Hannah says it to me all the time.
[deleted]8 karma2010-11-15 19:24:28 UTC
Holy shit did your son have a Veyron? Hey at least he went out in bat shit insane style and speed, that's exactly how I'd want to go. Sorry for your loss man.
MaratUK28 karma2010-11-15 19:31:41 UTC
He got to "play" with a Veyron for a couple of hours, he was beside himself, he knew at that point that his time was very short and he was in some considerable pain but it didn't stop him enjoying the day.
KineticSolution8 karma2010-11-15 21:27:48 UTC
I realize that your son is gone however are you planning on sticking around and lurking or contributing to reddit?
MaratUK14 karma2010-11-15 21:33:09 UTC
probably won't contribute very much but certainly browse, the humour is very much my style, like father like son.
Bayou_Blue4 karma2010-11-15 20:46:04 UTC
I am not one for hate, but GOD I hate cancer. I have lost 2 brothers to this, one with a rare form of liver cancer, the other to lung cancer. Both fought long and hard but lost in the end. I'm very, very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose a child.
MaratUK13 karma2010-11-15 21:02:39 UTC
I understand how you feel but I have a dislike of the "fight" analogy, it implies that the person with cancer just didn't try hard enough which is clearly nonsense. Sam couldn't have done anymore or put himself through any more treatment and it wasn't a case of "losing a fight"
Obviously I don't mean to denigrate what you or your brothers have been through it's just the wrong analogy for me.
MaratUK4 karma2010-11-16 18:35:00 UTC
When I submitted this I thought it might get a few viewings and comments but I'm stunned by the outpouring of affection.
Sam would have been stunned, and probably a little embarrassed, to read this.
Thank you all for your kind words and tributes on this and the gonetoosoon site. If this has achieved anything, I hope it's to make people appreciate their loved ones just a little more, don't take the time you have together for granted.
Bagelkit3 karma2010-11-15 22:38:22 UTC
I apologize if this is a rude thing to ask, but what was he like?
MaratUK4 karma2010-11-15 22:46:53 UTC
Not rude but a difficult one to answer, he was a "normal" 17 year old kid, moody, petulant, funny, loving, geeky, pretend bully to his little sister, all the things normal teenagers are.
Copyright © 2014 BestofAMA.com, All rights reserved.
reddit has not approved or endorsed BestofAMA, reddit design elements are trademarks of reddit inc.