Highest Rated Comments

Fauster2036 karma

I got a Python story related to German: I punctured my lung when I was young, got a staph infection, and was miserable in the hospital, doped up on morphine. I asked my parents to rent every Python video in the store. Big mistake.

While "The Funniest Joke in the World" skit was playing I started uncontrollably laughing/coughing up blood. Coughing up blood was a good thing, because all the stale blood in my lungs was a bacterial breeding ground. But, it's extremely painful to laugh if you recently had a collapsed lung . The remote control was on a table with wheels, and when I tried to spasmodically grab it to turn off the funniest joke skit, it rolled away.

Then the thought occurred to me that I would die laughing watching a skit about people dying from laughter, which made it funnier. I had to hit the emergency button to page the Nurse, and I did so repeatedly. When she came in she was extremely concerned. I was in tears, blood on my face, jerking spasmodically, and unable to talk or breathe. Eventually I was able to choke-out "Turn... it... off!!"

Edit: Thanks for the gold! And yeah, it turned out not to be such a bad thing. The nurses had been encouraging me to cough, and I had been refusing. The nurse told my parents that Monty Python did the trick, and my parents insisted I keep watching it. My fever went down after a couple days, and I was home with a Heimlich valve dangling out of my side after a week. I'm not a religious man, but I've known the healing power of Python.

Fauster361 karma

What does that even mean? Zach Braff is almost as cryptic as Snoop Lion.

Fauster272 karma

Also, it can't recover from acidic oceans. For all those who say carbon dioxide isn't a pollutant, it's important to remember that man-made CO2 gas has raised the acidity of the oceans by 30% since the industrial revolution.

Fauster241 karma

Salmon swim across a third of the world only to die with seagulls pecking out their eyeballs as acid dissolves their own flesh for energy. I suspect the sex is never worth it for individuals of that species.

Fauster80 karma

Pure logic.

Your proof is brilliant; humanity would have waited countless millennia without you.