I had the hiccups for 459 days straight. It completely changed my life. I tried EVERYTHING! Nothing worked. So I asked Reddit. One of you changed my life.
ufoninja's ingenious suggestion that I try waterboarding:
I had completely forgotten about that suggestion until a few weeks ago. My friends and me were headpicking for new ideas. I had jotted down all the ideas and suggestions Reddit given me on neon green post-its that my hopeful girlfriend (YES PLEASE?) was drawing on. She came across the one with WATERBOARD!! on it and asked if I tried it yet. I didn't. So we decided that we would!
At the playground at church there is this broken picnic table missing one side of it's legs that's all slanted. I lied on it with my shirt over my head. I had to use my shirt cause my friend forgot to bring a towel and can you believe he suggested using a plastic bag instead? Stupid!
My friends poured HOLY WATER over my face. They thought holy water would be an extra bonus for good luck. We had only just started when we got busted by one of the Sunday school teachers who told our parents we were destroying church property and engaging in "highly suspect mischievousness" and "Muslim torture." WHATEVR.
I could barely talk because I was coughing from inhaling so much water. My parents were MAD MAD MAD and yelling at me and my friends saying things like they could have killed me and blah blah blah. ANYWAY they were yelling for forever before I realized I hadn't hiccuped for twenty minutes. I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to jinx it. But my hiccups never came back! My rents didn't notice they were gone until dinner when my mom made a comment about how quiet it was.
So a BIG THANK YOU to ufoninja for the idea that cured my hiccups and changed my life forever. Now I can lead a normal life and do everything again. I can swim without almost drowning. I don't have to sit in the back of church anymore. No one will laugh at me at school. Teachers won't tell me to SHUSH. Everyone will stop trying to scare me all the time. Maybe even I can even kiss a girl without interruption or making her throw up in my mouth.
I just took my Ambien and will only be able to answer questions for another 20 minutes or so. AMA. Thanks to all of you who were pleasant.