...and get this: my first name is Steve. Not exactly like the movie, but close enough.

I never had a relationship in my whole life. I believe I haven't even talked to a woman on a personal level in 10 or even 15 years. That kinda applies to the professional level as well, since my career (IT consulting) is basically a big, overarching sausage fest.

I really don't know why. It isn't shyness, because shy people generally fret over their condition and wish to be more assertive. I am not outgoing, but I can handle people.

I never really thought about it before, but now that I'm about to hit 40 the thought of dying alone is ceasing to be an urban legend and starting to become a visible silhouette in the offing. I am not complaining about my lot in life, but it's food for thought.

Ask me anything.

Edit: Holy cow, front page. Seriously?

Edit: Ok, people... gotta go for a while. Still have tons of unanswered comments and messages, I will get to it as soon as I can. Keep them coming, if you wish. I'll try to answer any question that hasn't been addressed before. Thanks for the support!

Edit: Well, 40 year old now! I never expected such a response. Thanks everyone for the well wishes and advice. Even if I didn't exactly ask for it, I appreciate the intention and the interest. Reddit has this bizarre addictive quality, so I will delete this account in a couple of hours to avoid the temptation to check over and over for new comments. (Take that, people who thought I was a karma whore!)

I enjoyed this.

Comments: 2175 • Responses: 59  • Date: 

yoko_OH_NO1257 karma

Happy birthday!

[deleted]317 karma


ShadyJane218 karma

What did you wish for?

[deleted]878 karma

Another season of Firefly.

Edit: Wow. Reddit really likes Firefly.

ijumpongoombas268 karma

Well great, you told us what you wished for and now it isn't going to come true. =(

[deleted]267 karma

As if it was even a possibility. :(

ijumpongoombas100 karma

I had my unreasonably high hopes.

Malcow44 karma

Duke Nukem is coming out... Anything can happen!

[deleted]5 karma

Ah! I have to see it first.

Xhafzotaj28 karma

High Firefly in the skyyyyy, hopes. ♫♪

[deleted]23 karma

I can go twice as high. ♫♪

Wait that's not correct...

itsMalarky121 karma

He also told us why he's a virgin...amirite?

[deleted]27 karma


[deleted]23 karma

But you didn't specify if you were a virgin or not so we don't know if your comment was relevant.

kutuzof93 karma

What are you a virg.. oh

Yeah another season for Firefly would be awesome.

[deleted]66 karma

I am no gorram virgin!

Wait. No, actually I am.

kutuzof23 karma

You've got a good sense of humour dude. Do you ever chat with chicks?

edit: I've read more of your responses now, and I get you don't want to.

[deleted]37 karma

Chat live? No. Chat online? No...I think. Maybe I did but the username didn't give that up.

nardonardo123535 karma

Put this on craigslist. With almost zero effort, I'll bet some chick will sleep with you just to say she popped a 40 year old virgin's cherry.


klavin1478 karma

And as a bonus, you'll get an STD!

[deleted]454 karma

What am I waiting for?

shnuffy127 karma


[deleted]588 karma

This is a valid point. "Peeling the banana" would be much more fitting.

rboymtj269 karma

In my experience virgins put sex on a pedestal, once you have it once you realize it's not that big of a deal. Don't get me wrong, it's awesome, but it's not like anything is really different after you lose the big V.

[deleted]55 karma

"Sex and money are the most important things only for the people who don't have them" - very paraphrased Charles Bukowski.

kingofthehillpeople197 karma

Isaac Newton was a virgin

[deleted]230 karma

So was Nikola Tesla. High five!

[deleted]253 karma

So was Bill Clinton.. and then he turned 12.

[deleted]83 karma

Also Sherlock Holmes.... ;-)

[deleted]113 karma

And Dumbledore!

Copernicium86 karma

How do you know? Him and Grindelwald were pretty close.

[deleted]131 karma

Not to mention that "wands" were probably touching.

HouseOfCondiments193 karma


[deleted]235 karma

That doctor and I could probably be friends. I don't know if I have quirks or anything, but I can relate.

My interests lay on the geeky side, but not outrageously so. I don't go around donning Star Trek T-Shirts, cosplay at conventions or argue with people whether Star Wars 1-3 sucked a lot or a whole lot. The only setback of my personality socialization-wise is that I am completely uninterested about the mundane, so the only way to engage me in conversation is to talk about the topics I am interested in. Failing that, I clam up. I really don't have anything to add to the conversation. This basically eliminates the vast majority of everyday people.

How do you feel about going out on a Friday night and putting yourself out there, so to speak?

I don't go out on Friday nights. It would be very awkward.

[deleted]75 karma

You should probably look into that. 'The Mundane' is described here as that which doesn't interest you-- try thinking outside yourself. Try seeing what small-talk is for: the pop music of social interaction. Easy to do, enjoyable, and a route to better and broader. Recognize that the greatest and most wise men (Socrates, Hume) were renowned for their social interaction and had many, many friends. Hume in particular. If the deepest humans to ever exist managed to handle people in all their mundanity, they may have something figured out that you don't. Try thinking of and for others.

Edit: Also, please recognize how profoundly mundane the life is of a 40 year old virgin IT guy must sound to basically everybody. Now imagine he's telling you he is above your not suitably exciting or intellectual existence.

[deleted]61 karma


[deleted]42 karma


[deleted]7 karma

I think the real question is are you willing to make the effort to learn to talk/ hold a conversation with people from differing interests?

It simply depends on if you care, for instance when i ask my older brother why he doesn't go with me to meet with friends, go out to eat and stuff all he says is he isn't interested.

If you are interested, then its really not a hard thing to learn, if you aren't then it is definitely not worth the effort.

Just something to think about.

waterlight21 karma

Thing is, during small talk tons of communication is taking place. What happens is that the content of the conversation becomes secondary, and emphasis is on everything else... sensations that you convey through your discourse, tonality, body language, eye contact... He doesn't enjoy small talk because to him, the content is everything. He's terrible at communicating, and that is very important in a relationship.

Also the be yourself advice is quite true, because if you fake it, people will eventually (usually pretty fast) see through your persona and feel cheated. Doesn't mean everybody will like you regardless of how you are. The solution is, change.

[deleted]10 karma

it demonstrates to me that you can't really be yourself and have someone appreciate who you are.

I wish more people could understand this. It drives me nuts to hear shit like, "be yourself bro, that's all you need."

princessbitchtits155 karma

Wanna fuck?

[deleted]188 karma

With an username like that this can't go wrong.

princessbitchtits121 karma

Ridding the world of virgins, one internet site at a time.

SicSemperHumanus27 karma

Good luck.

princessbitchtits45 karma

It's a thankless job.

only 4 340 407 to go

[deleted]13 karma

I wish to become your sidekick. Train me in your ways.

RLutz117 karma

This'll get lost in the sea of comments, but it needs to be said.

You really have no idea what you're missing.

Once you experience the soft touch of a woman, or the intense emotions involved when falling in love with another person, you'll look back on this AMA and ponder if it was a different person who wrote it.

bacontoaster37 karma

My thoughts exactly. This whole IAMA is putting the focus on the sexual side of relationships, however it seems that A-Gyno has no interest in developing a deep emotional or intellectual bond with a woman... or maybe with anyone whatsover.

That's another boatload of good stuff he's missing out on.

[deleted]25 karma

Most these IAMA's are about the physical aspects with the posters whining about how they hate everything about women but their bodies. Im not a girl but if I was I would be terribly offended by this crap from ppl that are making assumptions with zero experiences to back em up

quinine_bubbles100 karma

Why aren't you interested in meeting women and talking to them? Are you curious about what the other half of the human race has to say? We do think differently and can be quite interesting- and it doesn't all have to start with small talk.

On another note- I am also a virgin (at 22 going on 23) and hey it's not that bad.

Happy Birthday :-)

[deleted]75 karma

Why aren't you interested in meeting women and talking to them?

It just never happened. I don't actively avoid women.

On another note- I am also a virgin (at 22 going on 23) and hey it's not that bad.

You're still young, though. Being a female, at least you don't really have to be proactive.

Happy Birthday :-)


JustAnotherAlien147 karma

Ask her out.

[deleted]206 karma

What for?

Oh, wait. Right. The virginity.

frankenbeans65 karma


[deleted]130 karma

Spending most of my time with computers and being an asocial prick helps.

[deleted]62 karma

I like to call it IT Aspergers.

smallfried70 karma

In IT it's not as hard as you think. No women at the work place, probably no hobbies that occur where there are women, no active engaging random people on the street. Basically, if you have only certain interests, you might never bump into a woman anywhere. You'll only meet them at counters of supermarkets and such.

[deleted]54 karma

Pretty much my life.

[deleted]88 karma

You don't sound particularly unhappy about it. Brave front or genuine nonchalance?

[deleted]109 karma

Genuine nonchalance, at least for now. My biggest fear is to change my mind when it will be too late, say 50 or 60. Maybe at that point I will be forced to switch to the brave front.

[deleted]40 karma

Well, I don't think it's ever too late. On the other hand (if that's the phrase I want), why wait? Sounds to me like you fear rejection. But so does everyone else on Earth. Good luck to you, anyway.

Urethra74 karma

I don't think he has the same driving factors we do for seeking sex/relationships. All of his knowledge on the subjects comes from external observation. He, quite literally, does not know what hes missing.

If rubbing your nuts in salt and slapping a monkey in the face with them was the best thing ever, and you had never done it before, you might wonder how cool it would be, but you wouldn't really feel like you were missing anything because of how ignorant you would be to the pleasure. I imagine sex to him is like slapping a monkey in the face with salty balls.

[deleted]62 karma

Great. Now I kinda want to slap a monkey in the face with salty balls.

[deleted]25 karma


[deleted]70 karma


[deleted]55 karma

An IT guy that cant get laid. Who ever would have imagined.

Grande_Yarbles52 karma

What was your closest call to having a relationship, or at least getting laid?

[deleted]72 karma

I never had any kind or call, close or far. I am not kidding when I say that I probably never ever talked to a woman on a personal level in 10/15 years.

the_girl94 karma

Would you like to?

[deleted]85 karma

Probably, but just like I would like to have 2% of body fat or speak Japanese. It's not impossible, but the effort required doesn't justify it.

the_girl97 karma

That was my seemingly-too-subtle way of proffering a personal conversation. May I ask what state you live in?

[deleted]76 karma

It was either too subtle, or I am too clueless. I'd lean towards the second option.

I am in Florida.

dudehasgotnomercy340 karma

Note: the_girl is probably a 43-year old man who teaches high school band.

[deleted]128 karma

...and thus, another door closes.

ImAFriendlyGuy59 karma

Girls are humans with similar interests. Conversations with them can be as rewarding as conversations with any other person.

[deleted]27 karma

I never had an extensive conversation with a woman, so I'll take your word for it.

d4soni39 karma

do you still look at pornography, masturbate and do all that stuff that men normally do? If so, how often are we talking about...once a month, a year, at all?

[deleted]52 karma

I look at pornography 3, maybe 4 times a week. I do masturbate more or less once or twice per session. So around 20 times/month.

[deleted]104 karma

I think the reason you're not actively looking for a relationship is because it'll feel like you're betraying yourself.

[deleted]36 karma

I'm a female. If you ever want to chat online, just to talk, pm me and I'll give you my IM.

[deleted]30 karma

how many ppl msged you pretending they were him?

[deleted]17 karma

LOL, nobody, actually.

Brock_Obama24 karma

Hopefully your username is not indicative of your weight.

[deleted]9 karma

God no, lol.

kerm21 karma

If being a virgin really bothered you, you would have seen an escort by now. Perhaps most people can't comprehend your current situation, but life isn't a "one-size fits all" thing. I guess I would just accept it and not let it rob you of the other things you enjoy. I doubt there's anything wrong with you, but it's against what media/society tells us is normal, so there's that pressure. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Have you told your close friends?

[deleted]30 karma

Have you thought about seeing a counselor?

No, because I feel fine.

Have you told your close friends?

No, we never talked about it. I am pretty sure they know, but are gracious enough not to bring the topic up.

mrekted21 karma

Hey, happy birthday! Try to look on the bright side - a single guy in IT that has never had the expense of a SO.. I bet you have loads of cash!

edit: This sounds pretty chauvinistic, so allow me to clarify - the aforementioned expenses of the SO would include the costs of settling down. Typically a wedding, a bigger house, cars, kids, vacations, etc. Omit these things and most guys would bet set financially by their 40's.

[deleted]40 karma


Yes, I do have a lot of disposable income, the majority of which goes to savings. One upside of my situation.

tenninjakittens26 karma

What are you saving for?

[deleted]61 karma

No, that's it. The end game is to have the most cash at the end.

Isn't it?

[deleted]47 karma

House with land to plant trees and vegetables, far enough from the city to be peaceful and clean but not so far as to be without utilities. Perhaps also raise animals, although I doubt I would have the gall to slaughter them.

kenjimeadu21 karma

Does it bother you?

[deleted]38 karma

I never thought much about it. Generally speaking I spend most of my time with a computer, either for work or for personal stuff, so I don't get exposed much to our over-sexualized society which makes people like me generally feel like losers.

Hitting 40 elicited some introspection, though. My current feeling is "puzzled". It prods my mind enough to grant the matter more than a passing thought, but I have yet to figure out the bits and pieces of it to understand the significance.

SweetKri20 karma

So...do you think you'd feel the same introspection right now had Judd Apatow made "The 45-Year-Old Virgin"?

[deleted]15 karma

Good question. Possibly I wouldn't have.

kutuzof17 karma

Do your parents know?

What do they think either way about your never being in a relationship?

Do they assume you're gay?

[deleted]26 karma

Do your parents know?

I'm pretty sure they do, but are not 100% certain because I don't live with them anymore. Although all in all I could move back in.

What do they think either way about your never being in a relationship?

We never talk about it. My mother occasionally ribs me about the fact that I am so beautiful & smart, and yet I have yet to give her a grandson. But the conversation dies there, luckily. When I was younger (teenager) she was much more aggressive in that regard, going insofar as giving me condoms when I traveled abroad, and going mad when I refused. I am not kidding.

Do they assume you're gay?

No, I don't think so.

[deleted]54 karma

Your parents should know better than give you condoms if they want a grandson.

[deleted]23 karma

Sorry, badly worded. I meant when I was a teenager, of course. It would be pretty damn awkward if she did that with her 40 year old son.

[deleted]26 karma