IamA (Train Severed my legs; I survived) AMA!

You think your drinking companion Daniel did this to you? Sorry if this is a rough question but I read your story on IMGUR and was a little confused. He took his life before being charged by police is that right? Or was it just a tragic thing on its own?

I dont know what to believe. The reality of it is I know for a fact I didnt put myself on those tracks. All I know is what I remember and what immediate witnesses and my family have told me or witnessed as well. It was before his suicide that I asked for the sheriffs office to be pressed, and upon finding out of his death I was absolutely shocked, confused, filled with grief. Every day I think of him and grieve him and wonder. I dont know much of his suicide other than the phone call I received and I have no way of knowing if it was a tragic thing on its own.

I've spent a good 10 minutes trying to word this question but there's no other way to say it,

How the fuck did you pull yourself through this mentally?

Your unbelievable willpower is something we should all learn from, as that's one of the most inspiring stories I've read.

Here's some dead honesty, I have a disassociation with my accident and processing it emotionally thats why often I probably sound like a robot recalling what I know.. My EMDR therapist is one of the best in the best in the country and we start trauma processing in January. My mental block is like a brick wall I am disassembling and this writing it-sharing it and answering questions about it is forcing me to associate with it. Meditation--and staying busy helps as well.

That's amazing! My wife was in a terrible car accident when she was 16. She has seen therapists for almost 18 years now, but started seeing someone who is employing EMDR. She says it is changing her life! I assumed it worked, because she is really changing and happier. I am so excited for you both! It seems revolutionary!

It really is pretty remarkable. I was very skeptical to begin with!

Oh my God. Thank you for sharing. I've been in an intensive outpatient program for depression and anxiety. Some one else whom I've befriended there was run over by a car as a child and is suffering terribly from chronic pains decades later. What helps you most for the pain?

I am a fierce advocate for medical marijuana. At one point I was taking 22 different medications a day. For pain, depression, anxiety side effects you name it. Levels were starting to toxify my liver and kidneys so my doctor recommended cutting medications. Usually thats fine except I had been on narcotics since the accident and my pain level hasnt changed. I feel like medical marijuana is a much safer option to those who live in states accessible to it. Its the only "medication" I take now with the exception of antibiotics when im sick lol

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And it should be!!!

Any strains you find particularly effective in terms of phantom pain? I had it for months after a scalp operation and only had access to blue dream at the time but found it way better than lyrica.

I have been on lyrica and I quit taking it because it made me feel like I had a bad hangover. I would recommend going with Indica based hybrids, its what I have had the best luck with reguarding pain. Alot of people dont realize you dont actually need to get high to experience the benefits of say a CBD concentrate. And, of course pharmaceuticals are more expensive and the mess with insurance makes it a no brainer when you live in a state that allows it and have need for it!

Yes! I have just taken myself off Lyrica because it made my brain feel fuzzy... pain seems to be manageable at the moment.

What is the best show you have discovered on this path?

The best show? like the best TV show?

Yep! Would have been useful to include that detail.

Hannibal the TV series. Mirrors on Netflix. Sense 8 on Netflix. GAME OF THRONES.

How long until you got started on learning to walk with prosthetics?

I have been off and on with prosthesis due to revision surgeries and weight fluctuations. However, I just got brand new prosthetic sockets and components that are absolutely amazing. I am really excited to work more with them!

You mentioned in one of your answers that you 'died' while in the ambulance. When you woke up from this what did it feel like? Can you remember anything of your temporary death?

I dont remember anything about dying except the moments before, upon waking I remember being really frantic and confused by the situation.

what is jesus like?

hes a chill dude. wanna know a twist?

Not op but I've died twice myself. First time was at the scene of my motorcyle wreck and I was in shock trying to pull myself up off the ground and being confused why people were pushing me back down and then suddenly I was in an ambulance staring at some ems guy. The other time I was in the hospital and I remember it being night and i was staring at the dude from swamp people on tv and then there was a doctor talking to my family about what had happened and that I was stable and it was mid morning.

Glad you survived!

How are you feeling right now?

I am feeling peachy kine thankyou, hope you are as well!

Peachy kine?? Havent heard that expression.

haha im from the midwest, it means I'm doing good; Hanging in there!

Where about's? I am in Milwaukee and am over joyed to hear about your comeback and how your quality of life hasn't tanked :D

Stay strong!

I am a caregiver for a paralyzed gentleman and he teaches me how to be happy with my life every day. Never stop being amazing!

Colorado, and Thankyou!!!

You can't call yourself a midwesterner. You have mountains!

I ^{wish I had mountains}

I.

am literally from KC.

Grew up there my WHOLE life.

I DESERVE MOUNTAINS!

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Peachy keen to you too

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heh. typo now recognized!

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Thankyou very much!

What was being "dead" actually like?

I think the clinical term for death like flatlined is very different from what being dead actually means. I dont believe I left my body, I only remember a voice before fading into dark.

Beside walking and running in what other ways or areas of your life has this had the most negative impact on? Anything particular beside walking that you can't really do now or struggle with that you miss?

Most negatively I would say are my true passions in life. Cooking, fishing, driving and hunting. I was a very diligent hard working chef before this, and every weekend on the river somewhere fishing. Hunting with my family is something I dont really get to participate in anymore and in the spring it gets depressing.

It may be harder to now but you'll find a way! 🖒

Always do!

My birthday is July 26th that's pretty neat. Is there any stigma or stereotype of people with prosthetics?

eh sometimes yes, and sometimes no. It just depends on where ya go and who you ask.

ever since the incident do you feel more confident about your appearance or more self concious

more self conscious--but its getting better everyday.

Read your Imgur link and it looks like Dan may have had something to do with it, but you (perhaps understandably) didn't go into much on that. What are your feelings towards him?

A big part of my feelings towards him are not knowing what to feel. Confusion.

Have you gone to your school's disability services office yet to see what kinds of accommodations may be available to you?

Yes I have been actively working with disability services and other resources available to me!

Great! I work with disability services, and I'm always amazed how many students don't realize they're eligible!

One college I worked at also had a not-so-well-known office for recovering addicts, so if you're not already involved in that, you can ask if that exists at your school too. My current place of employment has NA, too.

Thats a great suggestion thankyou, I was already approached by their campus ministry and theyre really remarkable as well. I am excited to see what the new year holds for me.

How many tacos could you eat in one sitting?

It depends if we are talking authentic tacos or shit tacos.

Whatever your taco of preference may be

ALLL the authentic tacos.

Didn't I read somehwere you were banned from IAMA for asking too many people how many tacos they can eat?

If this is real, I am kind of enthused and totally okay with it myself. How many tacos can YOU eat? (Sorry, all in good fun).

How are you learning to cope without legs and being able to walk whenever to wherever? Do you miss running?

My life is adaptive! I am lucky to be young and in relatively good health otherwise, I can do anything anyone else can do I just do it a little differently. It does get irritating at times but I dont have to buy shoes so it works out. (Humor makes everything easier of course). I miss the ability, and if I had running blades I would be on my way to trying that out too!

I like your attitude!

Thankyou!

Would you get robotic legs? or do you like the current prosthetics you have?

I am excited to see what technology they come up with in years to come, however if it werent for having a manual chair I dont feel I would be as independent. So...maybe, maybe not.

Please don't answer if you feel the questions aren't suitable.

did you feel it? What was the sensation like? thanks and again don't answer if you don't feel like it.

I dont remember feeling anything until I was in the ambulance and they started to put tourniquets on my residual limbs to stop the bleeding. To be honest with you; after that I died and was put into a heavy sedation to recover with a slim chance of survival. That was somehow not near as painful as the re-amputation due to regenerated bone growth. That was absolutely more painful as there was lighter sedation, no shock. I even had nerve blocks, pain meds- and absolutely excellent medical staff taking care of me. The sensation is that of a burning words cannot describe. I have tried and no amount of literature can describe it. Now that I am healed I only experience phantom pain which is as I have been told best described as nerve pain. Thankyou for the question!

My goodness,

Well i'm glad you have recovered, and good luck with the rest of your life.

Thankyou!

What do you want to do with the rest of your life now that you've got this second chance?

I want to go to school to study biology and minor in law for pre-med. Then Med-School for forensic pathology and after earning my MD I will be on my way to licensing for the title of Medical Examiner. It is important to me to give voice to the dead. As well as that I want to be an advocate, a voice for healthcare, students, amputees, people with disabilities etc.

What has kept you going? Or what drives you to push forward. A lot of people may have given up in your situation, however you seem to be proactive.

I have already lived, I have also already died and experienced the loss of losing those near me, and often times losing myself..but what keeps me going is a combination of things. That combination consists of sheer determination to live life after the unimaginable, dedication to improving myself; I will never be perfect, and lastly, majorly...the consistent people and kind strangers in my life that have carried me (sometimes literally) through these stages in my recovery. Even those that have wronged me, or hurt me have taught me valuable lessons. This is definitely not to say I dont spend some of my off days considering giving up but im getting there day by day. I really believe now there isn't a such thing as unhappiness, but there is a such thing as ungrateful. I was raised to believe it takes faith the size of a mustard grain to move mountains and I intend to move them. I cant wait to get on my feet and be the one giving a hand up again.

What keeps you going? i wish you the best.godbless.

I have already lived, I have also already died and experienced the loss of losing those near me, and often times losing myself..but what keeps me going is a combination of things. That combination consists of sheer determination to live life after the unimaginable, dedication to improving myself; I will never be perfect, and lastly, majorly...the consistent people and kind strangers in my life that have carried me (sometimes literally) through these stages in my recovery. Even those that have wronged me, or hurt me have taught me valuable lessons. This is definitely not to say I dont spend some of my off days considering giving up but im getting there day by day. I really believe now there isn't a such thing as unhappiness, but there is a such thing as ungrateful. I was raised to believe it takes faith the size of a mustard grain to move mountains and I intend to move them. I cant wait to get on my feet and be the one giving a hand up again. Thankyou...God Bless!

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No one wins all the time. We all know that.

What was your relationship like with Daniel before all of this happened? Clearly something strange happened that night, just wondering if there were any red flags with him that you may have only recognized after the fact.

Either way, glad you're recovering!

I hadnt known Daniel very long before this, we had spent the past couple weekends together and I had grown to know Dan was a well rounded, hard working individual. He had struggled with his father's death as well as other family issues but that didn't seem to isolate him. He had a group of friends I knew vaguely-others more so after my accident. My phone was stolen that night and pinged to Manhattan KS. where a girl I knew as April was from..I had not known her long either and my experiences with her previous to that night lead me to suspect many strange things there as well.

Hi! Thank you for doing this! I have two questions, if I may, and I hope they are not unbearably intrusive: 1) were you a rail fan, or did you ride freights, or have any affinity for trains, or was this just a random and very dangerous place to find yourself? 2) growing up next to rails, our school hosted a presentation from the railway intending to scare us from lingering or playing on the tracks, and we were told that when a train runs over limbs, the sheer pressure would seal veins and arteries, for a little bit at least, which, the railroad men told us, would slow down the process of bleeding out. Do you know if this is true, or was the case in your incident? Pardon me if I am being insensitive.

I had only been by Steele City briefly once before. I did not have an affinity for trains, had only ridden a train once and not any kind of rail fan...not even sure what that is to be honest. 2) I dont believe that to be true, my legs were smashed, and the force ripped alot of tissue I dont remember the moments after the accident up till the ambulance but I know I lost alot of blood and thats how it was described to me.

Can you describe how you feel about your life before your accident, do you regret how you lived your life. I don't want to simply summarize your life to a before and after, but I assume you look back and wish for so much.

Although you may wish for things you may find your life more enriching and fulfilling than ever. The concept of a massive shock and change to a human identity is very interesting. We all have moments that shift us, but you have experienced something that has placed a wedge between two selfs. I don't intend this to sound as if you are defined by your loss of legs, but I find your cognitive experience and reflection is an immensely valuable opportunity for growth and discovery.

How did you view yourself before? How do you view yourself now? How do you reconcile the disparity of self-understanding that were both "right" at the time and is your present state skewed in anyway as your past state (if either are skewed)?

Getting a second chance at life makes you realize all the stupid things you had been doing in your life before. My accident was the catalyst in redefining myself, in finding sobriety, and keeping me grounded (pun intended). I was proud of my accomplishments, potential and work ethic prior; not necessarily myself. I am able to hold myself accountable objectively and feel like I have every right to be proud of who I am now nonetheless. I have overcome many obstacles in my life and while im mostly positive I still anxiety filled days of dread like anyone else I imagine. Every day is a new opportunity for change and growth.

Do you ever consider contacting a producer about your story? I found it rather interesting and It was cool to visualize what happened! Could be a weird TV series where you slowly remember the things that led up to the tragic event and put the puzzle pieces together and realize why you were on the tracks..

I really havent...this is all new for a campaign I started to tell my story with. I am rather concerned with being taken advantage of. I have definitely started working with media outlets and writers--and its been inspiring me to write myself. If I knew I could get paid to write I suppose I would, just personally have low confidence right now. I believed no one would care to hear my story, I was concerned I would get alot of roasters and honestly I havent encountered much of any of that thankfully. Whats weird is this isnt a t.v. series--its my reality lol I would be interested to see how a producer would want to portray events.

I do run a news website and I might consider writing a story about you.. - vionews.com

Thankyou for you consideration, after you consider it let me know. I would love to work with different news outlets and spread my story and campaign.

I apologize if this is intrusive or morbid but what happened to the severed limbs? Was there ever an attempt or thought of reattachment?

They never found one!!! I guess I fed a coyote that night! reattachment wasnt a consideration given my limbs were smashed and ripped directly above the knee.

Your story is really amazing and strange. Have you been approached about any book or movie deals? Would you take a deal if one were offered?

I would say thankyou but I dont think its my writing your reffering to. It would take some consideration and planning but yes I imagine I would.

Do you experience any Phantom Pain?

Everyday, All the time.

I can still curl my toes. In my mind. Its really strange!

How often do you experience phantom pain?

Everyday, All the time

So, you are not as attached to your legs as you used to be?

Sorry, bad joke.

What is the hardest thing to adjust to in this life-changing situation?

Actually thats a pretty good one. My friends got me an oven mitt instead of a Christmas stocking so...Im used to it, and enjoy making my own messed up jokes.

Your question has stumped me, I am not really sure what the hardest thing to adjust to would be. For a broad prideful answer I want to say that losing all sense of independence was the hardest thing to adjust to. I have always been hard working and self sufficient. Waking up to realize I needed help with just about everything was incredibly stressful to me and in some ways still is.

What happened that you fell in front of the train? (I didn't click on your link, sorry)

I didnt fall, I remember being confused asking if I had fallen-and I have no memory of how I got to the tracks. The engineer said that I was laid in RIP position accross the train tracks.

did someone put you there? where you drinking?

I didnt put myself there; 2 Beers 2 shots, low BAC and bar tab reflected such.

Did it hurt?

More so than imaginable.

Are you aware that I'd swipe right if I saw you on tinder? You're pretty good looking.

haha thankyou! Then youd show up and be like what the heck...

If you had it to do over again would you rather have your legs severed by a train or have your baby eaten by a dingo?

Edit: grammar. The content stays.

Actually, they never found one of my legs. I like to joke a coyote ran off with it. So, theres that.