Comments: 713 • Responses: 32  • Date: 

canthugeverykitten635 karma

Why did he leave you there? And was your mother in on it?

sanjirou3866 karma

He took me to there to learn the language and the culture. He had sole custody of me so my mom had no say in the matter. I did keep in touch with her while I was there. She would send me gifts on my birthday and christmas

Trakasis311 karma

How was school over there?

sanjirou3745 karma

I went to 2 schools over there. They were public but they had a boarding part where students would stay. First one I was in was 3 hours away from any family. When school wasn't in session I was in the boarding part. Because I was 6 I was placed in the dorm with the 6 and younger kids. The kids didn't know how to speak English. They were wetting their beds every night. I was locked in there with them. The head master was very mean. If you got in trouble. He made you pick a stick from outside that you would be beat with. I was there for about 3 months but it felt like years. My grandfather picked me up and took me to a newer school in the same town where family lived. Their boarding school was brand new I was the first student to attend it along with a Canadian kid who was going through a similar situation. School ran from Monday to Friday and every other Saturday.

notthefakehigh5r528 karma

along with a Canadian kid who was going through a similar situation

Is this a thing? Taking your kid and abandoning them with relatives?

Also, did your grandparent know this was your father's plan?

Edit: TIL this is totally a thing! Thank you all for sharing your stories!!

I always thought one of the big plot holes in Harry Potter was that the Dursleys used boarding school as a cover for Harry's absence from their home. In my mind only the richest kids got sent to boarding school, not middle class kids. Wow was I wrong! These stories are amazing/crazy!

sanjirou3169 karma

Yes I think my grandfather knew it was his plan. I don't think it's a thing that happens a lot though.

cavelioness94 karma

Did you and the Canadian kid become friends? What happened to him?

sanjirou3650 karma

He was my best friend there we hit it off right away and I still consider him to be my best friend. I have no idea where he is now. All I know is his first name was Hersimran.

likasumboooowdy12 karma

Are you sure it wasn't Harsimran? That's a common name.

sanjirou311 karma

It might have been. Memory is is so fickle I always just remember it as Hersimran cause I would always laugh at the fact that his name started with her

chaawuu1287 karma

Have you ever heard of/from your father?

Is there any resentment?

sanjirou3471 karma

Yes I did. He eventually came to visit and I cried my eyes out when he did. After 3 years he remarried in the US. And I was moved back to be part of the family

JordanSM898 karma

Did your grandpa get in a taxi and drive off as you were hugging your dad, completing the circle?

sanjirou3433 karma


EWaltz266 karma

Why is your relationship with your father "rocky" like you said here? Sorry if that's too invasive.

sanjirou3832 karma

My father wanted to arrange my marriage with an Indian girl. But my girlfriend(now wife) was mexican. He didn't approve. It wasn't fair cause he never had an arranged marriage. And now he's on his fourth.

EpilepticMongoose260 karma

1) Why did he leave you there? Is it because he didn't want you?

2)vWas your father Sikh? (I see the bangle on your wrist)

sanjirou3337 karma

Yes he is sikh. He wanted me to learn the language and culture. And also to get me away from my mother.

-Thisismyrealname177 karma

How did you feel when he left you? And how was your life before India?

sanjirou3470 karma

I just remember crying a lot. I was screaming "daddy cone back!" At first I thought it was a joke. Till he jumped in the taxi. He was the one I looked up to the most. I had no idea he was capable of such a thing.

AeternumFlame163 karma

Did you forgive your father?

sanjirou3402 karma

Till this day I blame him for a lot of things. It comes up in a lot of arguments too

Jack-da-crack160 karma

What was the reason for your father to leave you there? What was your best and worst memory from your experience in India?

sanjirou3301 karma

I answered why already but as for best and worst memories. The worst getting abused by my father's aunt and uncle. I lived with them when school was out for summer. One time I had peed my bed and my dad's aunt was washing it and called me over and pushed my face in the dripping pee water. She spoke no english and and I reached a point where I would always tell the truth cause either way I was gonna get hit. The best memories I have are with my dorm mates we had a lot of fun playing around the campus. Riding horses and stuff. If you google GRD academy. You can see what the school looks like though they make it look better then it actually was on their website.

Weentastic60 karma

Is that really the answer you're going with? He left his 6 year old kid in a different hemisphere to learn a new language and culture? He never admitted to not wanting to raise a kid and you never suspected that he might have done it for a reason other than broadening your horizons?

sanjirou387 karma

I've heard from my aunt(his sister). That he left me there cause he was dating a girl and needed me out of the way. That's partly true cause I remember meeting her before india. He made me call her aunty. Their relationship didn't last though.

Weentastic38 karma

That sucks, dude. I assume he's always stuck with the heritage story, though?

sanjirou356 karma

Yes he always did. but I remember talking to my grandfather one day and I was talking about my 'aunt ruby'. He told me the truth and said she wasn't my aunt. I brought it up to my dad but he just denies it.

jaymavs112 karma

Which part of India were you left in? Also, what are you up to now?

sanjirou3178 karma

I was in the state punjab. I n northern india. Now I'm back in the US. I haven't been back to india for about 15+ years but that's because I haven't had a chance to go with other family. Too busy living life lol

Grandpas_Spells80 karma

Your kids are never going to let you take them to India.

sanjirou3179 karma

Lolol it's just a 3 year long vacation guys!

tornvagina108 karma

Your dad's an asshole.

What happened to your mother? How did he get full custody? Amazing this was legal.

sanjirou3215 karma

My dad caught my mom in bed with another guy. They were fighting on the balcony. My mom held me over the balcony by my leg and threatened my dad that she'd drop me. He would always shove that in my face when I wouldn't listen to him. He would even make me call her and ask if it was true what she did.

CanadaAzn38 karma

Did you call and confirm?

sanjirou381 karma

Yes I did and she said it was true. I don't hold any of that against her though.

Babywhale9 karma

Thats emotional abuse. I wouldn't believe your dads side of the story wholey. Do you have a relationship with your mom? It sounds like he made it his mission to take you away from her in every way, physically and emotionally. I hope you realize that's not right. Her cheating on your dad has nothing to do with you.

sanjirou316 karma

I know that was another reason for him to leave me there. The final straw for him was my mom getting arrested for 'kidnapping' me during one of my visits.

Bunnyshooter5890 karma

When you left India, who picked you up and how was it coming back for the first time?

sanjirou3214 karma

My grandfather picked me up. I didn't know I was coming back to america at first. I didn't get a chance to say good bye to all of my friends. I remember the first thing I ate when I got back was a happy meal from mcdonalds lol

fxcnaldehyde66 karma

Hey man, as an Indian-Canadian guy who was trucked off to Indian boarding school at age four, I really feel for you. I spent three years there and it was the worst, super traumatic experience.

My family moved to Canada when I was 8, and as long as I can remember, what happened to you had been my worst fear. It didn't help that they'd threaten me with it every time my grades weren't up to their expectations. A lot of Indian media also glorifies sending your kid back to India and turning out to be a better person because of it.

Do you think you'll ever get to a place with your dad where you can have a good relationship?

sanjirou378 karma

We had a nice relationship for a good 15 years after that but he wanted to arrange my marriage with an Indian girl. I didn't mind that but I was dating a mexican girl(now my wife) at the time and he was forcing us to break up. He never had an arranged marriage. His first wife my mom was black. His second wife was Colombian. His third was indian but not the same background as us. His fourth and current is indian but a much better mom to me than the third was.

Funicio60 karma

You mentioned you carry many stories from India. Care to share some of the best ones?

sanjirou3101 karma

One that comes to mind is kinda sad but at the 2nd boarding school I was attending, one of my dorm mates broke the mirror in restrooms and cut hid wrist. He was found unconscious and taken to the hospital. He survived and his parents took him out of the school.

Another one I remember is a kite festival that's held around the country. Similar to the one in that movie 'the kite runner'. There are thousands of kites in the sky and you use your kite to cut the strings of other kite flyers. It's a lot of fun running after the kite too. First one to reach it, gets to keep it.

tooleight53 karma

Have you used the language(s) you learned in India since you came back to the U.S.? If not, you still remember how to speak them?

sanjirou376 karma

I used it a lot actually, since I lived with my dad. A lot of my family speaks it here in america. I've forgotten to read and write though. If you don't use it you forget.

tell-me-your-side49 karma

Hi, I'm the OP of the AskReddit thread.

How was the relationship between you and your dad before he left you there? Was your mother aware of it?

sanjirou359 karma

It was the best it ever was. Sometimes I feel like the dad who I was with before india, was a different than the dad I'm with now. He was stricter when I came back

SnowmanCR30 karma

Did you ever pick up the language?

sanjirou335 karma

Yes I did. Hindi and punjabi

tomonl6 karma

Are you still fluent too?

sanjirou36 karma

Speaking has gotten harder cause I don't speak as much any more. But understanding is still about 90%

Thoarxius26 karma

Sorry if this seems invasive, but where was your mother in this?

sanjirou333 karma

My dad had sole custody. My mom had no say in what happend. I did keep in touch with her in india and I still talk to her till this day.

1019sb21 karma

When I just turned 7, my parents decided to send me to India for school for 3 years. I ended up being there for 7 years instead; 5 years with a legal guardian and 2 years in a boarding school. I've been through the adjusting period where kids our age didn't accept us as classmates and friends. Going through with all of that without the support of your father or your mother must have been incredibly difficult. Its good to know there's somebody out there who has gone through similar childhood as me. When you came back to your family here in the states, how was adjusting to everything you missed? Were your cousins and friends surprised when you didn't understand small references that you missed out on? I've been back for almost 8 years now and that still happens to me every now and then

sanjirou336 karma

There were a lot of references I never got when I got back even till this day sometimes, when I'm lost, I'll ask if what they're talking about happend between '96 and '99. I have no idea what happend in those years here lol

fuckwatergivemewine13 karma

Nowadays do you speak frequently with your dad? What did he say the first time you saw him after the event?

sanjirou320 karma

I speak with my dad every now and then but our relationship is rocky for other reasons now. The first time I saw him was when he visited me after 2 years there. I remember crying and asking him why he left me. By them I knew the language too

PixAlan9 karma

Prolly a bit late to the party, but still interested.

Do you keep in touch with any friends you made there?

Why did your father get full custody over you instead of your mom?

sanjirou322 karma

No I don't. When I left I didn't know I was leaving for good. I never got to say bye. I thought I was just going with my grandfather for a week then coming back.

crokuz4 karma

Do you see any benefits to your experience? I don't believe in "everything happens for a reason" at all, but as a multi-cultural kid I see the benefits of having lived extensively in two worlds. I guess one gains an "outside perspective" on both countries. I like enjoying the best of both worlds. Of course, I wasn't forced to live by myself in one of the countries without having a choice.

sanjirou311 karma

Yes I learned the culture very well. For instance, respect for elders is much more important in india, than in the US. Every stranger is either an uncle or an aunty. Even the way I look at homeless people here vs over there is different. There are kids that literally grow up on the street. It always scared me that I would end up like that.

woahwoahwoahthere4 karma

What was it like being mixed in India? Do either of your side treat you differently than their respectively non mixed cousins? Is your father now with an Indian wife? How'd your parents even meet (I know Indian/black couples aren't the most popular interracial couple..)

sanjirou39 karma

There were a few time I was teased. I remember one kid who didn't speak a lick of English asking what gibberish I was making with my mouth. In hindi. I didn't understand him then but I learned later what he said. My dad is with his new wife who is indian and his wife prior to that was also indian. My parents met at my dad's work 7 eleven lol I know it's cliche but my dad is in a 7 eleven business.