My short bio: Hi Reddit! I've appeared in films and TV shows like Memento, Deadwood, Groundhog Day, Californication, and The Goldbergs. A couple years ago you helped me fund my own concert film, The Primary Instinct, which features me telling my stories in front of a live audience.

Today, that film is available to watch on Hulu! I hope you have a chance to check it out. In fact, you may be able to finish the entire thing while I'm still doing this AMA interview. In fact, I challenge you to do this!

Those who live somewhere without Hulu can also buy the film on VHX.

Alright, I'm here for several hours. Ask Me Anything!

My Proof:

EDIT: It's 1 PM Pacific and we've been going for four hours! This is a lot of fun. I'll probably be around for 1-2 more hours.

EDIT: 2:15 PM Pacific and I think we're going to wrap it up for today! Thanks so much for chatting, Reddit. For more stories, you can follow me on Twitter, on Facebook, or listen to my podcastThe Tobolowsky Files. And of course, you can also buy The Primary Instinct or watch it on Hulu.

Comments: 815 • Responses: 61  • Date: 

plowkiller925 karma

Ned?! Ned Ryerson, I thought that was you!

What was it like having to repeat the same ramble so many times for Groundhog Day?

stephentobolowsky794 karma

Actors always have to repeat scenes over and over again, so that was normal. What people sometimes don't know is that in Groundhog Day, every one of my scenes in Bill Murray was shot with a slightly different script, with a slightly different film technique. Sometimes steadicam, sometimes handheld, sometimes camera on sticks, sometimes dolly track, etc. So, each scene had a slightly different feel.

It's what we always do, all the time. Actors always repeat things.

When I was doing Hero with director Stephen Frear, we did over 100 takes of one shot.

TakeOffYourMask103 karma

What shot had 100 takes?

stephentobolowsky254 karma

The dolly shot that introduced my character and Chevy Chase. It was a shot that moved through the entire room and picked up bits of dialogue from everyone.

nicetrylaocheREALLY212 karma

Hi Stephen,

Maybe without mentioning any names, have you ever been involved in a project that you regret? Either because of personal or professional reasons, or because you were unhappy with the finished product?

stephentobolowsky374 karma

Yes. There are many ways a film can go wrong. Hundreds.

When an actor decides to take on a project, we never see those ways, those potential snares, those potential failures. When we see the finished product, we're often confronted more with the failings than seeing a movie that transcends our original expectations.

Notable exceptions to this for me: Memento, Groundhog Day, Deadwood, Californication (just off the top of my head). These were shows that when I saw them, they transcended even my earlier expectations of them working out well. Those are rare.

duquesne419102 karma

I don't know how I feel that Sneakers isn't on that list.

Also, that was some of the most sincere fake pot farming I've ever seen when you were in the Baked.

stephentobolowsky105 karma

Sneakers was in fact also one of those films! See here.

Thewrightowns166 karma

Thank you for the Tobolowsky Files David and Stephen!

What was your biggest professional mistake and what did you learn from it?

stephentobolowsky518 karma

So many, but the one that comes to mind: I was called in to read for one of the main detectives on a TV show that was going to be called "Law and Order." And I'm thinking to myself, "Oh God. THIS again. Another cop show." And I did not work on my audition the way I should have. I figured it was just going to be another run-of-the-mill show.

This was not to replace anyone. This was the ORIGINAL Law and Order. I went in and did a so-so audition and kind of blew it off. I believe the role ended up going to George Dzundza. Now I pay penance every day, watching reruns of Law and Order and drinking red wine in my contrition.

Never take your work for granted. Never take the gift of being able to be in this business for granted. Take every job, every audition seriously. Give it your heart, your mind, and your soul.

lula2488150 karma

What was the most unusual situation you have woken up to?

stephentobolowsky775 karma

Here's two of them.

1) It was two in the morning when my 3-year-old son William came upstairs and woke me up and said "Daddy: Poo poo." I assumed he was telling me he needed a diaper change. I opened my eyes and there was a cat turd in his hand.

2) It was afternoon. I was lying in bed watching Law and Order reruns on television. I was alone in the house. I heard my back door open and close, and I'm thinking "WTF?"

I come downstairs to see what's going on and there are five firemen, completely dressed in fire gear and helmets, carrying axes in their boots, everything, coming into my living room. And I go, "excuse me?"

And they said "We hear you have a fire here."

And I said "Really?"

Then I hear a knock on my front door. I runt o my front door, and there are two police officers there, a man and a woman. And they say "Sir, is everything all right?" At which point, the policewoman pointed to her gun, unclasped it, and mouthed "is he upstairs?"

At which point I said, "Everything is okay. There's a bunch of firemen in the house, but you can come in if you want to have a look."

A giant hook and ladder truck stopped in front of my house and more firemen got out.

The policemen then told me they got a call from downtown that I was in a hostage situation. The firemen told me they got a call from downtown that there was four-alarm fire at my house.

It turned out to be my alarm company had tested an alarm for a building downtown to make sure everything was working, but they put in the wrong code and sent everybody to my house.

a_disco_ball149 karma

Hey Stephen, shows and movies are always better when you appear!

Can you tell us how you fit into the connection between the Talking Heads and Radiohead?

stephentobolowsky533 karma

When I was in college courting my girlfriend Beth, I had some unusual psychic experiences. I could hear "tones" coming from people's heads, and i could tell them about their lives. Beth thought this was a great cash machine and in the theater department, she would charge $0.25-$1 for me to read people's tones.

This turned out to be not as much fun as we thought it was going to be. I began telling people real things that were happening to them. Horrible things. Exciting things. Tragic things. It began to scare me. I stopped doing it.

Fast forward fifteen years to the BBQ with David Byrne in my backyard. David was explaining the idea behind True Stories of people who have incredible lives (that are true). Beth said, "You should talk to my sweetie, he can hear tones."

David found this amusing. I found it somewhat embarrassing. I told David the story of my college days. In the rewrite of True Stories, David added a character that could hear tones, and wrote the song Radio head (I believe when David originally did the song, it was two words) for that character to sing.

In 1991, a few years after the movie True Stories was released, a British band called On a Friday, changed their name to Radiohead because they were big fans of David Byrne.

I always wondered if Thom Yorke knew the genesis of the name of his band was a 19-year old boy in Texas charging $.25-$1 to tell you your future.

Shanksterr145 karma

Hi Stephen,

Can you share your favorite behind be scenes moment on set?

stephentobolowsky632 karma

I was shooting Thelma and Louise and this young actor Brad Pitt was sitting with me off stage. Brad turned to me and so kindly said, "Mr. Tobolowsky, would you like to sit in my chair? It might be more comfortable."

I said, "It's alright, Brad."

He said, "You know, I'm going to get some coffee. It's a little chilly. Mr. Tobolowsky, could I get you some tea?"

I said, "It's alright, Brad. I'll get tea later."

I never felt so old and ugly in my life.

Lenitas136 karma

Hi Stephen,

Do you remember any stories from Sneakers that you can share with us? I love that movie with a passion.

Also, you've been my favourite actor since I've had favourite actors (some time in the previous millennium). Thank you for the AMA. *_*

stephentobolowsky219 karma

Sneakers is another example of actors expectations when they read a script. When I read Sneakers, I remember calling my agent up and saying, "I just read what a hundred million dollars feels like." And this was in 1990 money.

It was brilliant.

However, even those high expectations did not compare to the film when I actually saw it on the screen. It's one of the most clever caper films ever made. Proof of this is that it's a techno-thriller with cradle modems and it still works.

A couple Sneakers stories: Phil Robinson the director said that Mary McDonnell (who I go on dates with in the movie) was a little bit uptight on set and he gave me permission to say anything I wanted in the scenes to make her laugh. We had so much fun, all three of us.

Another interesting Sneakers story for fans of The Tobolowsky Files: In The Tobolowsky Files, I've often mentioned my dear friend Bob (US marine, actor, wisest man I ever knew). In the scene of Sneakers where I'm on my first date with Mary, there's a kung-fu class going on in the background of our scene. As it turns out, Bob's son, Matt, was the stuntman hired to do the martial arts in the background of that scene. Didn't find out until afterwards.

EDIT: Corrected spelling of Mary McDonnell's name.

ivraatiems128 karma

How was your experience on Community? Who was the boss?

What's the role you'd most like to be remembered for?

stephentobolowsky526 karma

I will always remember shooting Community. It turned out to be one of the most important roles of my life. I'd just had open heart surgery six weeks prior. I was stapled together still.

All of us live in dread of having a major medical thing go wrong, but as an actor you don't realize one of the big fears is "Will I ever work again?"

The people on Community contacted me and said they wrote this episode for me. They knew all about the heart problem. I showed up on set with my wife Ann, with my medicine, with my blood pressure cuff, my blood oxygen indicator, etc.

The director came into my trailer and said "Stephen, don't worry about anything. Today is just about you. If you need to rest, if you need anything, just signal me. No one knows what you've been through. Just me and the producers. Just signal one of us and we'll take a break."

I shot my four scenes that day, and left. I realized I'd been given the gift of a lifetime.

StuffHobbes104 karma

Hi Steven!
Recently a short video of you sharing your experiences working with Stephen Segal came out.
I honestly couldn't stop laughing.

I have to ask, what was the biggest meltdown/temper-tantrum you've seen a actor throw on set?


Has there ever been a part you regret turning down (or taking)?


stephentobolowsky301 karma

Biggest temper tantrum I've seen an actor throw: It was ME.

I was in a production of The Glass Menagerie. I was playing Tom. I was rehearsing the drunk scene and I kept hearing noise in the audience. I asked if the folks out there could be quiet; we were working on stage! Kept going through the scene, kept hearing noise. Finally I yelled, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP OUT THERE, WE ARE WORKING."

We continued working. The noise continued.

I picked up a chest of drawers from the stage and HURLED IT INTO THE AUDIENCE. It crashed into the empty seats. The noise stopped. We continued.

I later found out the noise was the actress who played the part of Amanda Wingfield giving the director a blow job. The director later told me when I hurled the chest of drawers into the audience, it almost had cataclysmic consequences for the rest of his life.

(We're all still friends, BTW)

Frajer101 karma

What was it like working on Big Time In Hollywood FL ?

stephentobolowsky114 karma

It was more fun than just about any show I've ever worked on.

Alex Anfanger and Dan Schimpf are the real thing. We'll hear a lot from them in the future.

tomlawn54 karma

Man, I miss Big Time In Hollywood, FL. You were hilarious on it.

Did you crack up when you had to get rid of your erection before answering the door, or was that just another day at the office for you?

stephentobolowsky62 karma

I didn't crack up getting rid of my erection. In fact, it was rather painful.

I did crack up constantly during dinner scenes listening to Alex and Lenny improvise. I was very bad.

PaulCartwright3583 karma

Stephen, you are consistently working although many agents would consider you a "niche" actor. How much of your work is you doing the leg work/connections from past gigs, and how much is your agent/publisher booking you gigs?

stephentobolowsky120 karma

I'm kind of 50/50. 50 percent offers. 50 percent auditions.

So much of casting depends on the chemistry of production, and that is out of my hands. I like to audition. It enables me to know the people I'm working with.

When you get offered parts is when you get fired on the first day, because no one has seen you do what you're going to do. So they're judging you right when you arrive on the set.

drifter10080 karma

what's it like being awesome?

stephentobolowsky483 karma

Here's awesome: Going to a Scotch tasting. I was sitting next to someone on the bus on the way there, and he asks me what I do for a living.

I said, "I'm an actor."

And he said, "Well, what do you do for a living?"

And I said, "No, really, I'm a real actor. I work a lot."

He said, "Well, I work in the entertainment industry too, and I don't know you. I work at Paramount."

I said, "I worked at Paramount! I did Glee."

He said, "Well, I don't remember you from Glee."

I said, "I've done a lot of different things..."

We get off the bus. Walk into the Scotch tasting. STEVEN SPIELBERG walks up to me and taps on the shoulder and says "Stephen! I can't believe you're here. you have to come over to our table and tell them the Groundhog Day stories."

I said "Sure Steven, I'll be right there."

Steven leaves. The guy who was talking to me says "That was Steven Spielberg wasn't it?"

I said "Yes."

He said, "I guess I was saying things that were pretty stupid..."

I said, "It's okay. It's okay."

That is awesome.

Doscar79 karma

Hey there Stephen. With the announcement of a Deadwood movie today are you excited to be back on the set for the movie? Also when will there be new episodes of the podcast? You are an inspiration and your stories are breathtaking. Thank you for all that you have done.

stephentobolowsky117 karma

Phone's not ringing with a Deadwood movie offer yet.

As for new eps of the podcast, I have several in the pipeline. Looking for a moment in which David and I have a break to record them.

RhubarbCharb64 karma

Any thoughts on voice acting?

Also, Tom Hanks was supposed to send me a toast for my wedding this past October, he didn't.

stephentobolowsky158 karma

Like so many people, I thought voice acting was easy, because "Hey, I got a voice!"

Then I got some voiceover jobs and began working with really brilliant voiceover people like Pam Adlon (for example). And I saw how incredibly skilled these people and how incredibly difficult it is.

What is difficult is that the arena is the space between your lips and that microphone. The arena is five inches. Within that five inches, you have to create a complete person, you have to create rhythm, and pacing. You have to create the entire world in that space. And the people who are brilliant can really do it.

Actors always like to go to acting class to feel like they are working on their chops, but voice actors don't necessarily feel like they need the same workout. I think if you want to be a voice actor, you need to work on it every day, with a microphone and a computer. Record your voice. Get copy from newspapers, magazines, TV shows, etc. Take ads and read them. Read bits of stories and see how your voice sounds. See what you can do with your voice.

Work. There are no shortcuts.

HEpennypackerNH57 karma

have you seen the episode of the league where Kevin says he has Th Stephen Tobolowsky of dicks? Did you find it funny?

Also, who was the hottest woman on Californication?

stephentobolowsky89 karma

Regarding The League: Yes, I've seen the episode and I found it to be one of the greatest compliments I have ever received.

Rampant_Durandal55 karma

What is your favorite role that you consider to be underrated or under appreciated by the general public?

stephentobolowsky90 karma

A film called Pope Dreams, with Julie Hagerty. It was a wonderful movie that I don't think anybody saw. A surefire great film. Great script, great performances all around.

skelebone51 karma

Hello, Stephen. Thanks for doing an AMA.

What do you think of the theory that in Groundhog Day, Ned Ryerson was pulling an Inception on Phil Connors to get him to buy insurance? Seems like all the elements are there -- Phil keeps living the same day over and over again, until the day he buys a full boat of insurance from Ned.

Ned: I have not seen this guy for twenty years. He comes to me and buys whole life, term, uniflex, fire, theft, auto, dental, health, with the optional death and dismemberment plan, water damage. Phil, this is the best day of my life.
Phil: Mine too.

stephentobolowsky67 karma

Absolutely true. No question about it. This is the untold story of Groundhog Day.

DMagnific51 karma

Your character in Californication seems radically different from your past work. How did you prepare for all the machismo in Stu?

stephentobolowsky187 karma

The way you prepare for the machismo is that there's a man who was one of the tailors on the show, and he was an underwear stuffer. He has stuffed the underwear of some of the greatest actors in Hollywood. He came into my trailer with a series of artificial penises and asked, "Which one do you want in your pants?"

I picked the biggest one of course. But it didn't fit in my pants. So I ended up going to the next biggest one, which also didn't fit. And on and on down the line until I got to the smallest one, which ALSO didn't fit.

So, the way I ended up preparing for Stu was this guy rolled up two gym socks into kind of a sausage configuration and stuffed them into my underwear.

There were decided drawbacks to playing Stu Beggs. For those who haven't seen the show, Stu was a producer who was "well endowed."

My wife Ann and I were eating lunch at California Pizza Kitchen when an adult woman in her mid-20s came up to the table and said, "Excuse me, you're Stephen Tobolowsky?"

And I said "Yes."

And she said, "Is your penis as big as they say it is on Californication?"

This is while we were eating Kung Pao Noodles.

Ann leans in and looks at her and says "Yes!" And sent her back to her seat in shame.

theprotoman47 karma


I don't have a question for you, so I don't expect this to be upvoted, thus you likely wont see it, but I just wanted to say hello, and thank you.

I spoke to you on a few occasions in the past, and you were extremely kind. You took time to listen to some of my music, and were so very encouraging to me. Your words have a divine power to resound in the bones of the listener long after they've been spoken, and those kind words of encouragement still resound within me today.

I very often ask myself while writing or performing "I wonder if Stephen would like this?", and it's honestly an amazing motivator!

Through listening to the podcast, hearing you speak/perform, and speaking with you directly I've learned the utmost importance of being kind, welcoming, and encouraging. We never know who is going to be positively effected by what we say, or do, and the impact we might have by simply taking the time can provide a lifetime's worth of inspiration.

There are many great actors living today, and many of them seem like fate destined, and designed them to act. You on the other hand, despite being a great actor, seem to have been destined, and designed to inspire. I speak for so many people when I say from the absolute bottom of my heart, with a most sincere, and grateful spirit "Thank you for the inspiration".

stephentobolowsky36 karma

Thank you.

MightyProJet46 karma

Hi, Stephen.

In your experience, is there ever such a thing as "starting too late"?

stephentobolowsky130 karma

Yes and no. You can take a look at actors like Dabney Coleman (who was a lawyer) and Ken Jeong (who was a doctor), both of who changed professions with great success.

It depends on WHAT you are starting too late. What steps are you holding back on in your start? Fear is always an element in starting late, so it depends what you're afraid of.

It's one thing to not get into a movie by the time you're 40. But it's another thing to not begin until you're 40 because you're afraid you're not good enough, you'll be rejected, you won't get parts, etc. If your fear is not being famous, etc. then yes, there is such a thing as starting too late.

But if you try and continue to work and continue to do what you love, then there's no such thing as starting too late because you've already started.

yakketyjak43 karma

You were hilarious as Ned Ryerson, what is your favorite memory from filming Groundhog Day?

stephentobolowsky90 karma

So many favorite memories. This morning, my favorite memory would be finishing that first scene on the first day with Bill Murray, and sitting with Harold Ramis. Harold looked at me with a big smile on his place and started talking with me about comedy. It was a great moment.

The_vert40 karma

I love, love, love character actors. What a great AMA.

In no particular order:

How did your mission as an actor change as you developed your craft? Did you always or soon into acting want to be a character actor or was it an adjustment?

What's working with Mel Brooks like?

Is Bill Murray like he seems to all of us in pop culture? Like, is he like that in real life?

As a fellow bald man I'm fascinated by the hair choices of other bald men. I notice you rock the horseshoe, growed out a bit, in many of your roles. Is this your normal way of wearing it or off camera is it different? Facial hair?

stephentobolowsky86 karma

My mission as an actor changed when I lost my hair in graduate school. It happened almost overnight in the shower. Handfuls came out like I was exposed to plutonium. It was tragic. I realized at this point I would never play Hamlet. I would never play any of the great romantic leads.

After the hurt of it passed, it became a blessing, because once you lose your hair, you look the same for a long period of time. And that enabled me to play many, many character roles.

Re: Bill Murray - I don't know the answer to either of these questions because I don't know how seems to us in pop culture and I don't know what he's like in real life. But I can say this: Bill Murray is one of the greatest actors I've ever worked with. I expect him to be a wild and crazy guy like we knew from SNL, but Bill Murray was 100% committed to every take, to every shot in Groundhog Day. He took every moment we had in our scenes like it was the most important scene he ever shot in his life. He took it all very seriously. It was exciting and thrilling working with him.

Re: Mel Brooks - it's been said before, I'll say it again. He's a genius to the second power. I'll never work with anyone with as much energy, with as much insight, and with as much knowledge of comedy and craft as Mel Brooks.

Re: Baldness - I have no preference as to how I wear my hair. I usually let it grow out until my next job and then let the hair and makeup people cut my hair the way it needs to be for that job. It'll usually exist that way until the next job.

ITSR0WAN37 karma

Do you like cats ?

stephentobolowsky130 karma

Cats are a way God tells us not to value any personal items here on Earth.

We have three cats, three litter boxes. One of our cats started "thinking outside the box." So we've gotten a fourth litter box. The cat continues to "think outside the box." Ann and I are considering just putting sand on the floor of our house like Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.

Spartan_Espresso35 karma

Should the Cowboys draft a quarterback?

stephentobolowsky63 karma

We're witnessing the theory of slope. Things fall apart faster than they build up. I expect the Cowboys to trade maybe for RG3 or Johnny Football as a backup for Romo.

gunsforthehomeless31 karma

How did you come to work with David Byrne on True Stories?

stephentobolowsky63 karma

A BBQ in my backyard. My girlfriend at the time, Beth, was going to work with Jonathan Demme on a potential screenplay project. Jonathan had just finished shooting Stop Making Sense and introduced us to David Byrne.

David was shooting a video of the newest Talking Heads song "Road to Nowhere" and he asked if Beth and I had a swimming pool. I told him "Yes." He asked if he could shoot some scenes for the video in the pool. We said "Of course."

Note to the world: If you go on YouTube and look for the video for Road to Nowhere, the swimming pool shots were done at my home in the Hollywood Hills.

After the shoot, David stayed and I BBQed. At dinner, David talked about a new project he wanted to work on, a movie called True Stories. Beth and I ended up getting the job to write the first draft of the movie.

sylvesterthehedonist30 karma

How do you live a life worth telling stories about?

stephentobolowsky80 karma

I take tons of notes. When I've talked to people, they tell me ordinary things that happen in their life, and the stories are extraordinary. I think remembering your life is essential to telling stories of your life. But I think forgetting your life is essential to for being able to deal with regret. You gotta be able to forget and put things behind you, or it becomes overwhelming.

VioletOwls28 karma

Thanks for doing this AMA! I am a big fan and I love when I'm watching something and you pop up its always a treat.

Kind of a random question, but you were on a very early episode of Seinfeld as a holistic healer and your character has always cracked me up. Any specific memories from that gig??

stephentobolowsky65 karma

Two big memories.

1) How I got the part: I was working at the time on a film called Calendar Girl at Columbia, playing a gangster with a brother who was deaf/mute. I had to learn sign language for the part. Marc Hirschfeld (Casting Director at the time) called me up and said he was doing a TV show called Seinfeld, and he wanted me to come in and see if I could make this character "Funny."

I went in and met with Marc and Jerry, and they showed me the part of Tor Eckman. And I said, "What if everything he did had sign language attached?" And I used some of the signs I was learning for the movie, plus made up stuff in the room. Jerry and Marc felt it was funny, so that's how I got the part of Tor - from using those sign language lesson.

2) How hard everybody worked: I have never before or since worked on a sitcom where the actors, directors, and writers worked so hard on an episode. We shot the show without an audience (before they came in). We shot the episode WITH the audience, often doing scenes twice with the audience. After they left, we shot the entire show again, and we did pick-ups. We finished at around 1:30 AM.

StuffHobbes28 karma

Hi Steve!
I've loved your work ever since I first saw you in Momento.
And now I notice you popping up in just about every film I watch.
Can you share your experience working with Christopher Nolan?
Also, remember Sammy Jankis?

stephentobolowsky93 karma

I got the script for Memento and I began reading it, and I remember halfway through I started cursing. My wife Ann came into the room and asked me what was wrong. I said, "The first half of this script is the best thing I've ever read."

She said, "Why are you cursing?"

I said, "Because I know the ending is going to disappoint me. No script can be this good all the way through."

I finished the script and threw it across the room. Ann said, "Terrible?" I said, "No. Best script I've read in my entire life."

I told my agent I had to meet Chris Nolan. When I spoke with him, I told him, "You're going to have a lot of people who want to be in this movie. A lot of people who want to be Sammy Jankis. But I bet you I'll be the only one you see who's actually had amnesia."

Chris found this amusing and asked me the circumstances.

I told him about how I had surgery with an experimental general anesthetic that did not put me to sleep but made me forget. And like all general anesthetics, it took several days to wear off. So for 3-4 days, I'd be in the house and I'd be "born" in a moment and not know where I was or what I was doing.

I'd be holding an empty glass and not know if I was thirsty and going to get water, or if I'd just drunk a glass of water and needed to return the glass. It was terrifying.

Told Chris the story. Got the part. At the time, I did not know Chris Nolan would become Chris Nolan. I thought he was just one of the writers of one of the best screenplays I'd ever read. And he turned out to be one of the most fascinating directors I'd ever worked with. Playing Sammy Jankis was one of the most difficult roles I ever had because I realized while I was playing him the one thing the actor relies upon is his memory. Not only as a human being, having learned the part, and remembering where they are in the script, but moment to moment as an actor, you rely upon sense memory of things you've experienced and bring them to the fore.

With no memory, it made acting incredibly difficult. And I asked myself a question: Are you going to pretend you have no memory (and make it look like a bad TV movie)? Or are you going to go for it and let memory go? Have no safety net and throw yourself out there and not remember what you're doing, when you're doing it, and disconnect yourself from your mind?

The latter was terrifying, but I thought, "Well, I trust this Chris guy. I'm cool. Let's go for it."

kosha27 karma

Hello Stephen! Two-part question here..who got to keep the Marcy sex doll after Californication was over? Have you found someone in your life that lights your spark like Marcy did?

stephentobolowsky50 karma

1) There was actually a great controversy as to who would get to keep the Marcy sex doll. Various producers and writers wanted it. Showtime wanted it, in that the Marcy sex doll cost FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. I did not ask for the Marcy sex doll. I have enough stuff lying around my house.

2) Yes I've found someone in my life that lights my spark like Marcy did. I married her!

_RedPillFedora_25 karma

What is the secret to staying married for almost 30 years?

stephentobolowsky110 karma

The secret of any love relationship is recognizing that the other person is holy. By holy, I mean: Love is an honored guest. If you ask it to pay rent, it will leave.

Also: Try not to fight. Pick up the check.

liamquane23 karma

What do you look for in a script?

stephentobolowsky41 karma

I look for surprise. I look to be surprised as to what happened.

I'm starting to think that all of drama is a reveal of what is hidden. The quality of a screenplay will depend on what that hidden thing was. Bad screenplays: it's something ordinary and even illogical. Good screenplays (e.g. Emma Donoghue's Room): It's something life-changing and transcendent.

Mountainpilot22 karma

We loved seeing you at The Fringe this year. How is performing in a small venue like the one in Edinburgh different than the larger shows (like the ones we enjoy in Seattle)?

(My neck is much better now. If we get to see you there again, I promise not to distract you by almost passing out in the front row.)

stephentobolowsky35 karma

It's always interesting shifting venues when you do a one-man show. You can play in front of two thousand people or you can play in front of twenty people and the feelings and difficulties are the same.

I was enormously concerned about you on the front row in Scotland when you passed out. I thought you were dying on me. I believe I was telling the story of my broken neck, so there was a bit of irony there. But, no matter where you perform or how big the venue, where the performance always exists is in between the stage and the audience in mid air. There has to be a little fire burning there for the performance to work.

That's why things like people dropping dead in the front row are dangerous because it tends to kill the fire. Glad you're okay.

americanrecluse20 karma

I loved The Primary Instinct but I'm dying for a DVD (with, one hopes, the additional part of the show you recorded!). Are there plans for a DVD release?

stephentobolowsky24 karma

YES. Kino Lorber has graciously agreed to manage our DVD release. You can pre-order it here.

Zubrowka18219 karma

Hey Stephen, thanks for your fantastic characters.

What's Tom Kapinos like? Any stories about him or Californication in general that come to mind?


stephentobolowsky60 karma

Tom Kapinos was the executive producer/head writer of Californication. He's a rare breed, even for hollywood. We were shooting Californication and my father in Dallas fell and broke his hip and needed surgery.

I called tom up and told him, "I think I need to go to Dallas to be with my dad to be with him in surgery."

Tom said "Go. Go. Stephen, that's life. This is a show. We will pick up whatever scenes you miss next week. Don't miss out on your life for doing a show."

Great man. Love Tom.

RegularGuy81519 karma

Stephen, what's the update on your next book? I believe you called it "My Adventures with God"?

stephentobolowsky23 karma

Still working on it with Simon & Schuster. I'm cutting it down to "fighting weight." It has some good stories in it.

sheebainu18 karma

Hi Stephen! I'm a big fan of Cut Video for the "interesting" content they create. What was it like working with them? Did they make you smoke weed at any point?

stephentobolowsky23 karma

The Primary Instinct would not exist without Cut. Those guys are brilliant. I would trust them with my life. But I would not smoke dope with them.

FYI: Here are the videos I've done with them: The meaning of Anaconda and Working with Stephen Seagal

Spicy-Coleslaw15 karma

Hi Stephen! Love your work. For some reason I can recall many of your character's names. Ned Ryerson (Groundhog Day).. Sammy Jenkis(Memento).. Werner Brandis(Sneakers). Have you noticed that many of your characters have their full name stated multiple times?

stephentobolowsky29 karma

It's an interesting point! I never really looked it at that way.

In The Primary Instinct, I do tackle the issue of the names actors get in movies (in the first 10 minutes). Every time I got a full name in a movie like Ned Ryerson, I got a non-name in a different film like "Security Man #2."

I remember there was a time when I was sitting in a hallway, getting ready to audition for a role called "Security Man #2" and one of the actors auditioning said, "Oh man, you're reading for Security Man 2? He does much more than my character. They wouldn't even let me read for that one! I'm reading for Security Man #1!" And then another actor said, "Oh yeah? I'm reading Security Man #3. He REALLY doesn't do anything."

As I mention in Primary Instinct, actors can tell a lot about their character based on what name the writers give them.

MightyThoreau13 karma

What was it like to have the Midas touch on Heroes? Is there a superpower you would rather have?

stephentobolowsky40 karma

First day on the set of Heroes, director/producer/all-around-great-guy Greg Beeman asked me "Stephen, have you ever had super powers in a show?"

I said, "I've been a ghost before."

Greg shakes his head, "No no, totally different. We've worked out something on the show where when you have a superpower, it takes a bit of effort to do a superpower. It's more than a burp, but less than a crap. So, when you turn something to gold, just keep that in mind."

BadGirlSneer13 karma

I have a friend in Griffin, Georgia (he's in his late 50s) who swears he knows you ... says you dated a friend of his from the area. He gets laughed at by his work-buddies every time he mentions it (they watch Seinfeld and drink at his place after work).

Can we put this to bed? Have you ever dated a woman from Georgia and do you know a dude named Phillip from Griffin?

stephentobolowsky27 karma

Putting this one to bed: I not only dated a girl from Griffin, Georgia. I MARRIED HER. We have two children together and this woman sleeps with me every damn night.

But I don't personally know anyone named Phillip. My wife, Ann, knows several Phillips though, so this story is probably legit.

ocherdraco13 karma

What do you miss (and not miss) about living in Texas?

stephentobolowsky36 karma

Miss: Barbecue on a regular basis. Don't miss: Texas drivers. Question: Where are all you people going so quickly? I've lived there. You can slow down. It'll be there when you arrive.

ManBearPig186512 karma

I thoroughly enjoyed you on Kevin Pollak's podcast and the stories you told there, as well as on Californication. I seem to remember you talking about wanting to film another podcast style show where you would recount other crazy stories from your past, has that happened yet and where can I find it?

EDIT: I read an answer in this thread about other crazy situations and the alarm company dispatching firemen and police to your house. How the hell does all this stuff happen to you? Has your life always had odd mayhem in it?

stephentobolowsky57 karma

Program alert to all people who heard that Kevin Pollak podcast. I have the end of the story.

The story I told on Kevin Pollak's show was about a fax I received a few days before 9/11 that was in Arabic. I didn't think anything of it. We had received 2-3 faxes in Arabic that year. But the timing of it was odd - three days after I received this fax, 9/11 happened - so I called the FBI and I said "Dear sirs, this is Stephen Tobolowsky. I received a fax in Arabic shortly before 9/11. I didn't know if someone there should see it."


FBI officers says to me, "So, are you regularly exchanging faxes with someone in Arabic?"

"No sir," I said. "I got this fax. I don't know why I got this fax. But I thought someone in the FBI should look at it."

FBI officer says "So who do you know that speaks Arabic?"

"No one. This came to me by mistake. Can I send it to you?"

The FBI gives me a phone number to send a copy of the fax to. I put it in my machine and pressed send. But it did not send - instead I received stuff. I began receiving page after page of top secret information from the FBI that said, "For your eyes only." Lists of terrorists, locations of agents, etc. FIFTY PAGES of top secret FBI information.

Now it was my turn to call the FBI. "I tried to send you a fax and by mistake, it looks like I've received fifty pages of top secret FBI documents."


"Mr. Tobolowsky, will you please stay on the line? We'll have a special agent talk to you."

I start getting grilled by a different agent at the FBI, asking why I had their top secret information, and who I knew that spoke Arabic.

I said, "LOOK. I'm just an actor. I want to give you all this information back. Just tell me one thing: Are you guys gonna have to kill me because of this?"

They said, "Mr. Tobolowsky, do you have a shredder?"

I said "Yes sir."

They said "I want you to shred every single piece of information in those documents."

I said "We will not look at it. Can I send you the Arabic fax anyway?"

I try to send it to them. Never heard back from the FBI.

Cut to earlier this year. I was working with the actor Ali Saam (if you saw the movie Argo, you remember the actor Ali Saam as the brilliant head of Iranian secret police). Ali is a phenomenal actor. I told him the story and he asked me to bring him the fax so he could translate it.

So, here's the other shoe dropping. Ali Saam translated the fax and said it was someone who was buying computer equipment in Iran, left Iran and came to America without paying the bill, and the Arab fax says they are going to begin legal proceedings to recoup their money. This was their last warning.

So that's what the fax was. UNLESS IT WAS ALL IN CODE.

PS here is the fax:

Richie_J2111 karma

Last year in an interview, William H Macy talked about going without work for 5 years, 3 different times in his career. What do you do when jobs get slow?

stephentobolowsky27 karma

There was one year where I was hired by Clint Eastwood to do a movie with his then-wife called Rat Boy. I was ALSO committed to working with director Stein Winge on stage. I was in a three-way phone call with Clint Eastwood and my agent.

Clint said, "Just answer me one question: Are you doing the play or are you doing the movie?"

And I said, "Clint, I'm doing the play."

He hung up on me. My agent who was still on the line said, "You idiot. How could you do that?!"

I said, "I told you, I was committed to doing the play for these dates!"

My agency at that point froze me out. No jobs. No auditions. Nothing. I was a dead person to them.

I ended up going to New York and I directed my girlfriend-at-the-time's plays. I tried selling screenplays. I did a lot of different things. A year later I got a different agent and started to get sent out again for jobs.

In my life, I try to fill in the blank spaces with writing, which I love now more than acting. I love The Tobolowsky Files, The Primary Instinct - these projects are dearer to me than so many of the acting jobs I've had.

Kasegauner11 karma

I watched an interview with you about a month ago talking about how strange Steven Seagal was when you shot The Glimmer Man. You must have worked with hundreds of actors over the years. Are there any that were either notably difficult to deal with or just eccentric?

stephentobolowsky32 karma

All actors are idiosyncratic in a certain way, because what we're doing is so strange to begin with - creating a verisimilitude of reality, with or without green screens. Everyone approaches it in a different way.

One of the most difficult experiences I ever had was with Martin Lawrence on National Security. Martin traveled with a lot of bodyguards and a lot of personal security. When we rehearsed the scene, I walked up to him and put my arm around him. All of a sudden, I had five guns pointed at me.

Martin says, "Be cool! Be cool! We just actin' here." I say, "YEAH! Be cool, guys."

I worked with Martin since on Wild Hogs and he didn't have the security posse on the set that time.

But you're always dealing with something unusual. Take Tim Allen on Wild Hogs. Tim Allen is a genius about history. He knows so much about history that you would not believe it. an incredibly literate guy. You could sit in the makeup chair and Tim would go on and on about our Founding Fathers and the Declaration of Independence - fascinating stuff!

John Travolta - everywhere he went in Wild Hogs, people were adoring him from different shows he did. John would go out in his motorcycle gear (even though it was super hot in New Mexico). He'd go out on his break, stand on the seat of his motorcycle, and sing a song from Grease for his fans. That's idiosyncratic too, in my book (vs. just wanting to be left alone).

Eric Bana on Time Traveler's Wife. I've never met someone like Eric Bana. He'd make a practice at lunch of going around to different people's tables and asking them about their life stories, talking to everyone he could on the movie. Such an engaging personality. Never met anyone like that.

There are as many idiosyncratic people as there are artists.

adamwells10 karma

What is your favorite memory of giving your kids or one of your kids a physical gift, whether it be at Christmas or birthday or just non holiday gift?

stephentobolowsky43 karma

You wouldn't think Christmas would be important to someone who is Jewish. But the most important gifts I gave to my kids were on Christmas morning. I gave both of my boys (they were about 5 and 9 years old) their gifts at dawn. By 7 AM, they were bored and complaining. "This stuff isn't cool enough. Its' not enough. Need more stuff."

So I said to the boys, "Get in the car."

I happened to be working on a movie at the time called The Prime Gig shooting in Downtown on Santa Fe Ave. Santa Fe is where the homeless shelter is located. While everybody in LA was still asleep at 7 AM, the highway was empty.

Took the 101, went down there, got to Santa Fe. It was NOT empty. There were streets FILLED with people. All homeless people. Blocks of them. We saw a family of four in front of an empty refrigerator box.

I said to the boys, "If you don't like your gifts, we can bring them down here and give them to these kids. I bet you they would love your presents."

The boys said, "Okay, Dad. We get it." They asked to be taken home. I did.

They both grew up to be enormously generous people. Robert, my eldest, has given out food in homeless shelters on Thxgiving and Xmas. William went to Honduras to build a children's hospital. They grew up to be really good kids. I'd like to think that Christmas had some small part in it.

sheebainu9 karma

Hi Stephen! If you could swap out one of the stories from The Primary Instinct, what story would you replace it with?

stephentobolowsky13 karma

It's difficult to answer this, because Primary Instinct was conceived as a whole where all the parts connect. Thus, removing one story removes a lot of connections.

maximus20139 karma

Hi Stephen. Do you still have the ability to hear "tones"?

Your story about the naming of Radiohead is really interesting.

stephentobolowsky18 karma

I do. My wife Ann asked me if I would do her tones the other morning. I told her tones said she was going to fall in love with a tall, bald stranger.

liamquane8 karma

What was it like writing your first screenplay?

stephentobolowsky33 karma

Writing screenplays is an interesting exercise in the absurd. I got paid for my first screenplay ($3500) as a co-writer of a film called Nails Gregan and the Lady of the Lake (don't look it up. It's not there). I thought, "Screenplays get made!"

After that, I wrote screenplays the same way people look at high mountains and think, "I'm going to climb that." I have a closet filled with written screenplays that have never even been read by other people.

When David Chen and I performed The Tobolowsky Files in Seattle at the Neptune Theatre, one woman in the audience asked, "Well, the logical next step in your storytelling is turning one of these stories into a screenplay, right?"

I said, "Are you out of your mind? It is no logical step to write a screenplay. Most of them never get made. If you write something you love, there's a good chance other people will be brought in to take it away from you and re-write it. Very rarely does a screenplay end in the same form it was in when you first envisioned it."

So, it's a difficult and frustrating pursuit. It's a lot like sperm fertilizing an egg. A lot of them die along the way. Very few of them make it to the promised land.

man_mayo7 karma

Have you ever been able to keep any cool props or other memorabilia from any of the projects you've worked on?

stephentobolowsky20 karma

The great props I've kept are the memories.

Example: The evenings I spent hanging out with Jerry Lee Lewis from Great Balls of Fire. That's worth more than a cool prop.

Another example: Radioland Murders. George Lucas ended up directing me in a few scenes (he was the producer on that film). I ended up getting invited to his birthday party and he introduced me to a woman named Susan. And as I talked to her, i realized it was Susan Butcher, one of the winners of the Iditarod in Alaska, who was one of my heroes. I got to meet one of my heroes, through a movie like Radioland Murders. Those things you don't forget.

Rogpog7777 karma

Hello Stephen! A few years back I sent you an email out of the blue after reading some of your Tobolowsky Files. I attribute this correspondence as the biggest inspiration for me to switch majors and study Acting in college.

Now that I'm out, I find myself in a similar rut as I was those 5 years ago. I was wondering if you had any advice for 25-year-old paper pushers who are looking to drop everything and start taking those steps towards Film again? Thank you for taking the time with all of us, and taking your time with a directionless college student all those years ago!

stephentobolowsky11 karma

I think it's an important question. I would challenge the phrase "drop everything and pick up acting again." I encounter this all the time. You can't drop everything. Because money is so important. You need to be able to say "No." You need to be able to walk away from projects that you don't want to do, and the only way to do that is to have money coming in.

So you have to find a way to keep your "paper pushing" job and bring in money on a regular basis, and ALSO be an actor or a filmmaker. It's never easy. It's always difficult.

For me, I was lucky because my "other job" was children's theater. I got paid $240 per week, which at the time was enough money to rent a place to live and have food. But you HAVE to have an income stream if you are going to be in the arts.

Ans as anyone who has been in the arts knows, you need to have multiple income streams. You never give that up. It's incredibly difficult.

suaveitguy7 karma

What is your lifestyle like? I am very curious, and sorry if that's a rude question. You aren't a $20m a movie guy like Tom Hanks... but I bet with 10 movies a year it adds up nicely, plus residuals etc... Could you compare your lifestyle to a civilian profession? Would you be the richest man in Wichita?

stephentobolowsky25 karma

I'd definitely not be the richest man in Wichita, or anywhere, with the possible exception of Wink, Texas.

I have a great lifestyle in that I have a lot do. I have to work a lot. I'm lucky in that i'm not one of these actors who made $10-20 million on a film and then only do 1 film per year. I'm a guy where I just got paid scale for the day to do a movie. Another example: I just performed in a movie with the wonderful Beth Grant. We were promised private dressing facilities. We were put up in horse stalls in a stable.

Other times, I've worked on independent films where I'm one of the big names in the film, and I AM treated like Tom Hanks. They take me out to the Sizzler and they buy my dinner. I get the room with the free wifi. I live a very luxurious life that way too.

I'm like a shark. I gotta keep swimming, or I die. It keeps me busy, it keeps me reading, it keeps me performing, it keeps me writing. But I don't have time to take wine tasting classes.

Alf-in-Pog-Form4 karma

Hello, Mr. Tobolowsky! :) My brother and I love your movies and characters. Do you think you could say hi to my brother? His name is John. It'd make his month. Thank you!

stephentobolowsky8 karma

Hi John!

avalyn_shine4 karma

Good day, sir! I fondly recall your previous AMA, where you provided some stories from the making of "Sneakers", one of my favorite films. I've read the Slate article about it that quotes you as well. Sounds like it was the best time an actor can have making a movie. So my question turns that around: what are the worst things, the most annoying, the most boring, etc., of the movies you've made?

Also, I remember you from "Heroes" and was a little put out when you didn't appear in last year's miniseries, but I can see why they didn't bring you back as your character wouldn't have fit into the story. That being the case, have you seen the "Heroes" miniseries and if so, what did you think of it?

stephentobolowsky8 karma

It's always annoying to work on a project with a lot of CGI, because many of the things you act with aren't there. There's a green screen and someone will put up a rod and a piece of tape and say "Look at that tape!" And you're supposed to be looking at a three-headed giant rat that just came out of the sewer.

"We haven't worked on the rat yet, but that's probably where it's going to be!"

As an actor you have to imagine what you're acting off of, and the result can often be lame.

Cake_or_Pie_Guy4 karma

Cake or Pie?

stephentobolowsky7 karma

Difficult question. Early years: Pie all the way. Now? I'm down from a hot lava cake.

Onaimlos2 karma

which came first? the chicken or the egg?

stephentobolowsky6 karma

Egg. Easy. Thanks for the slam dunk question.

AmericanDerp2 karma

What's your dream role, out of an existing character or historical figure, to adapt and take as your own? Any character from literature, stage, film, radio, or a historical figure.

stephentobolowsky9 karma

I always thought an interesting character that no one has ever really tackled is Thomas Aquinas. Here's a guy who had scientific genius for an age in which there really was no science. He had mystical genius in an age that was all about the unknown. He was brilliantly logical and ultimately mysterious.

One of the final moments of Thomas Aquinas is that he was giving a sermon. According to legend, he pause din the middle of the sermon, stopped, and then said "I just had a vision that changed the way I see everything in the world. And nothing I say can affect what I've just seen." And he walked out of the church and he never told anyone what that vision was and he never went back to church again. It was close to his death so there was speculation that he had some sort of stroke, or that he lost his faith. There was speculation he had seen something beyond what was in this world, and he realized was that the truth was something beyond what he could put words to.

Not sure it could even translate to film, but I always thought it was interesting.