IAMA man with boobs (who had them removed) AMA!
Some men get fatty, saggy chests as they age. Some guys get puffy nipples. I had full on man boobs. And I got them when I hit puberty.
This is my story:
I was never a great eater, I smoked a bit of pot in highschool - but my man boobs are probably genetic. My dad and one of my brothers have fatty chests. But neither of them have it like I had it.
It all started at overnight summer camp. I never had any issues with my body or anyone elses, until it was pointed out that I was to be the shamed owner of a pair of breasts. I don't even know now how they looked when I was a kid. Was I that bad? I was a cubbier kid, for sure. Well the kids felt it was pretty bad, and liked to remind me. So I stopped wanting to take my shirt off.
I didn't want to swim, didn't want to shower, or even play a girl with several other boys who were also playing girls in the camp-wide tallent show.
When I got home I stopped wanting to take swimming lessons or go to camps with swim sessions. But it was insisted upon. I was probably visibly disturbed when I was forced, and I would cover myself with shirts sometimes or cross my arms awkwardly pretending to be cold. There was always the odd comment from a girl at school, or guy when playing sports. But I got better at avoiding those interactions. I removed myself.
When I went to high school I dropped some weight hoping to lose them. It didn't really help, but at least the occasional teasing stopped. I became a bit of a recluse. I didn't get a girlfriend. I had my close friends, but didn't really make any new ones.
I even went to the gym with a close friend. I remember I actually got pretty fit, and felt better about myself for a time. But there was no real ability to lose the fat on my chest. No matter how skinny I got or how I built up my chest I never looked really good.
I became obsessed with my chest. Every day I would get up and look at it. And think, how can I hide this? So I would wear baggier clothes and hunch. And in the mirror I saw how it was hidden. I became an expert. And some poeple wouldn't see it. Black became my favourite colour.
In university I got a girlfriend. I remember vividly how I admired her confidence when she got up naked from my bed. I would watch her from under the covers as she would dress. She was like a goddess then: Beautifully sculpted (normal) and no emotional baggage whatsoever (normal). She was so happy and comfortable with her body. I would get naked, but inside I was miserable, and never comfortable.
Now I'm 27. I went years feeling looked and gawked at. Was I actually being looked at? I tried not to be. I was always thinking about it, walking around. I would look at myself every morning and whenever I catch a glimpse in a mirror: How's that angle?
"Oh, I look alright, fine." Or "Oh, I can see my true form, shit."
I've had few relationships, a couple new girlfriends and some sexual flings. I expect that most girls spot it from a mile away. The girls that don't spot it find out eventually. They're mostly nice about it, even if they're being rather blunt. I try to keep the lights off or keep my shirt on during sex.
I looked like crap in a dress shirt. I had to look for very boring, loose fitting clothing.
Not sure why it took so long. But my self-hate only grew and grew. I couldn't try clothes on or put clothes on without hating myself. I couldn't even look at my image in the mirror anymore. I don't even know how to describe the reaction I had to my image. I averted my eyes, and when I forced myself I tried to look anywhere but there. Anywhere but there. I burned with hated and disgust.
So I did some research about gynogamastia surgery. I always knew it was an option.
And I struggled with the idea that I was paying to be surgically altered. And I struggled with the fact that I fundimentally hated myself for years because of a physical feature of my body, and how shallow and angry it made me. And I struggled some more. And I shrugged and sighed. And I scheduled an appointment. And I paid $7000. And I admitted my years of shame to everyone. And I drove to the clinic. And I lay on a table and suddenly awoke with a normal man's chest.
Day before: http://i.imgur.com/O5Ezpl6.jpg Day of: "Do I really need to do this?" http://i.imgur.com/Qh8vnRz.jpg Day after: http://i.imgur.com/cU9RGps.jpg My scar today: http://i.imgur.com/n1yBIdU.jpg
I had man boobs. I obsessed. I hid it. I looked at myself every day and hated what I saw. I hated myself more and more with every passing day. I got them removed surgically. It was a great decision.
edit: imgur links edit 2: more photos