Comments: 335 • Responses: 68 • Date: 2015-01-04 17:37:17 UTCsource
totallymully131 karma2015-01-04 17:49:13 UTC
When was the moment in your life that you thought, "I'm an expert at sex. This is going to be my career"?
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sexpertkat59 karma2015-01-04 18:26:46 UTC
TotallyMully - This is a career that came to me. From a really young age, I've always had a genuine curiosity about sex and sexuality. In the 8th grade I gave a speech on homosexuality...to a room full of my peers and mostly conservative-minded private school teachers. I had no idea that I was going to cause a stir! I've just always had a desire to learn about sex and help others do the same.
But really I became a "sexpert" (which is a totally made-up word) by accident. I started Ohhh Canada because I love both sex and entrepreneurship. In fact, Ohhh is only one of my businesses, and I speak as often about entrepreneurship as I do about sex!
As I continued in the business, my team and I immediately identified the need for more and more adult education. So we started running workshops out of our store or other venues - and I kept getting booked from there, especially on my areas of specialty - getting your mojo back, and dirty talk.
Some people really dig my style - I often use personal stories (always with the permission of my partners!), laugh at myself, use both non-technical words as well as proper terminology, and I'm a bit quirky and goofy. It's really my honour to be able to help people find the answers they need and inspire others to live sexier lives. I'm very fortunate.
DSAPEER13 karma2015-01-04 18:20:56 UTC
I think this now... How do I make it a career?
sexpertkat14 karma2015-01-04 18:29:34 UTC
Hey Dsapeer. There are different routes. Many of my peers are formally educated as sexologists. Alternatively, focus on a specific area of interest and READ EVERYTHING, meet with other sex educators (it's a pretty friendly community unlike the sex toy/lingerie industries), and offer to co-teach workshops with sexperts in your network. Blog about your knowledge - share your knowledge - get more knowledge. Hope this helps a little. Let me know if you have more specific questions.
TUDTUD1756 karma2015-01-04 17:49:56 UTC
20 or 30 years ago oral sex was considered extremely risqué but now it's pretty much par for the course after a nice dinner date. So in your personal opinion, what do you think will be the next big sexual taboo to be broken?
sexpertkat20 karma2015-01-04 18:45:41 UTC
Interestingly sex positions, moves, subjects, lingerie, toys, you name it - all come and go in terms of popularity. In fact... and I'm totally going all "sex geek" on you here... if you ever have a chance to visit the Museum of Sex in New York, they have a permanent exhibit on the prevalence of sex acts in film... and what's in pop culture and film often helps to showcase what society deems to be "acceptable" and "on trend." What's interesting when you look at history is how some of the subjects or acts we consider taboo today were considered less so at different times in history. And of course, different cultures see sexuality and sexual acts very differently. What's taboo in one country may be common practice and no big deal in another.
Anal play and anal stimulation for straight-identified males is still considered quite taboo by many. But I see that changing... lots of great nerves, not to mention the prostate, to be stimulated in men's bums!
LiliannaFaye2 karma2015-01-04 19:12:41 UTC
Another Question: From your last description of Anal play in straight Men you sound as though you have experience in this area.
My BF is fairly experienced in anal play but struggles to get the Super Orgasm we hear so much about. Do you have a preferred Prostate toy you could recommend for a intermediate user?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 20:16:38 UTC
I love the whole Lux line, but specifically the LX3 Prostate Vibrator for intermediate users. It's just such a great shape, the materials are smooth (and of course, body-safe) and if he hasn't tried an anal vibe, it's a great way to keep that area stimulated without having to continue to focus on manually stimulating it, which can free you or him up to give his cock or other erogenous zones some attention at the same time.
Hope this helps!
endless_mic51 karma2015-01-04 17:59:07 UTC
What is the worst idea for a sex toy you've ever heard?
sexpertkat40 karma2015-01-04 18:36:41 UTC
A candy cane dildo... as in, a dildo made out of sugary candy. No no no no. So bad for so many reasons. You're asking for trouble pushing a dissolvable block of sugar into your vagina.
There are also a lot of anal toys where you can't actually reach the controls when the toy is inserted... seems like that might be a fail, no?
B5B0N3529 karma2015-01-04 17:41:34 UTC
Weirdest thing you've talked about?
sexpertkat57 karma2015-01-04 17:49:02 UTC
Oooh! I love this question. Weirdest is hard to categorize because what's weird to one person may be totally normal to the next, you know? Different strokes for different folks.
I did a talk in Toronto on Sex & Technology, and during the Q&A period we talked about the different uses for full size sex dolls - and how to construct fantasy threesomes and orgies by using dolls as the other players. It was a really fun talk that sparked a lot of discussion.
idahoninja21 karma2015-01-04 17:53:29 UTC
Similarly, what's the weirdest product you currently sell?
sexpertkat33 karma2015-01-04 18:33:34 UTC
I hesitate to label any product as "weird" because that's a pretty judgemental word. So I'll give you one that makes me giggle...
Check out this tiny vibrating octopus. He's kind of creepy to me, but also really cute.
Fruitsniffer4 karma2015-01-04 18:45:56 UTC
That is freaking cute. I want one. I don't care if it's a vibrator. I want it on my shelf.
peteftw2 karma2015-01-04 19:02:21 UTC
No one wouldn't know it was a sex toy, pretty sure.
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 19:16:20 UTC
peteftw - a lot of the newer toys on the market don't look like sex toys. Check out the Revel Body - super high tech, and if you someone knows what it is, it's probably because they own one themselves! :)
elliam1 karma2015-01-04 19:49:47 UTC
Is the "camouflage" for sex toys still due to import laws? "It's not a dildo, its a bunny!" Etc
sexpertkat1 karma2015-01-04 20:09:11 UTC
That really depends on the country. It's not important for US or Canadian customs compliance. It's perfectly legal to sell sex toys. :) The desire for sex-toys-that-don't-look-like-sex-toys general comes down to personal preference (after all, why shouldn't it look like art?), as well as the desire to have something that's a little more inconspicuous than a penis-shaped dong with a suction cup on the end.
TheByteBandit27 karma2015-01-04 17:47:57 UTC
Hi Kat! Viewing your site, I notice you have a link featured prominently for "Fifty Shades Bondage & Kink." I'm just interested to hear the motivation behind setting that category aside.
I assume 50 Shades have driven more customers towards sex shops etc, so it makes sense to advertise that you offer those things. However with the negative reception from the BDSM community to the book I wonder if "long time" BDSMers frown upon those products being featured with the 50 Shades descriptor? Thank you for your time!
sexpertkat32 karma2015-01-04 18:01:12 UTC
Hey ByteBandit! Really great question, and thanks for posting it here. Fifty Shades has definitely caused it's share of controversy, and will continue to do so. Check out Ohhh Canada's Instagram for an image we mentioned was Fifty Shades-inspired to see some of the discussion that has sparked there (and feel free to add your comments there as well - we love discussion!)
We actually had several meetings internally at Ohhh Canada about how we were going to address the Fifty Shades phenomenon, and also the potential resulting backlash. The truth is that we have a LOT of customers who come to us saying that Fifty Shades was their first introduction to erotica. Most aren't even really interested in true BDSM, but more into light role-play. We love that we have both a physical store and also that customers can easily access us online for questions so that we can help provide information about healthy sexual play - including kink and BDSM. So if they are going to go somewhere, for both business reasons, and because it's in line with our mission, we want them to come to us.
We're really closely connected with the BDSM community, and we've sponsored and run workshops to help dispel the misinformation propagated by the popularity of the Fifty Shades series.
We've made the decision to meet people where they're at - and for many people, the "kinky act" is actually reading Fifty Shades. Because that's where they are at, that's where we try to meet them.
Our customers who are more versed in BDSM, to be honest, usually special order from us as they want items that more durable or for more specific purposes than the paddles, whips, etc. that we recommend in our Fifty Shades collection. What we've found is that most of our regular customers just give us a bit of an eye roll - but know that we're there to provide advice and guidance for those who are interested in more than a light rubber tickler.
We're actually also looking to partner with a local movie theatre here in Toronto to provide educational workshops before and after the film to actually help point out the differences between healthy consensual BDSM play and what's depicted in the movie.
Hope this gives you some idea of where we (and I) are coming from! Keep the questions coming, though. This type of discussion is important and appreciated.
ski84324 karma2015-01-04 17:49:41 UTC
What is the easiest way a couple can start to involve more dirty talk in and out of the bedroom?
sexpertkat16 karma2015-01-04 18:38:20 UTC
Use someone else's words! And by that I mean read some erotica out loud to each other.
Harmful_if_Inhaled2 karma2015-01-04 18:53:06 UTC
I can't imagine doing this without giggling.
sexpertkat5 karma2015-01-04 19:19:07 UTC
Harmful_if_Inhaled - I often say in my workshops that giggles are encouraged! Laughter is sexy, too. I was interviewed for an article on dirty talk a couple of years back, and the writer was really interested in my own story about a dirty talk session gone wrong where I burst out into uncontrollable giggles. These things happen!
JusticeRings22 karma2015-01-04 17:53:54 UTC
What would you suggest as far as lingerie that is warm and comfortable? I live in a colder region and it is a bit difficult to convince the wife to wear most lingerie.
sexpertkat31 karma2015-01-04 18:15:50 UTC
Hmmmm, interesting question. I've never been asked this one before. It's pretty chilly here in Toronto where I'm at right now, so I can appreciate the need for some warmer (yet still sexy) wearables.
I'd suggest clothing that still allows a-hem access, but keeps her pretty covered up for warmth. For a base layer, try a hot little corset and pair it with thigh highs and crotchless panties.
Then she can top this with a kimono, perhaps. I really like this one from With Love Lingerie on Etsy.
Or instead of a kimono, have her top her outfit with a shrug which will keep her shoulders and arms warm.
Keeping some sexy footwear on can also help... especially boots. And who doesn't love sexy boots?
Alternatively, I always think a man's button-down shirt over top of a bra and panties can is super sexy... and warm!
Turbodeth26 karma2015-01-04 18:11:52 UTC
Get a space heater for the bedroom? I blast my 3000 watt heater for a few minutes while my girlfriend is getting ready. No under-the-covers sex!
sexpertkat8 karma2015-01-04 18:38:38 UTC
Turbodeth - love this idea. Space heaters for the win!
NorbitGorbit18 karma2015-01-04 17:49:14 UTC
are there any legal restrictions to using "canada" or canadian flag in commercial enterprise?
sexpertkat30 karma2015-01-04 18:02:21 UTC
Hey Norbit. We're not actually using the flag - just a maple leaf. :) It's pretty popular for Canadian businesses to do so actually. My legal team says we're all clear. :)
NorbitGorbit3 karma2015-01-04 18:04:19 UTC
Were there other businesses already using Oh Canada with varying number of Hs that you had to deal with?
sexpertkat1 karma2015-01-04 19:46:04 UTC
It was actually our first choice, so we lucked out! :) The extra "h's" are to extend the vowel sound - so it sounds more orgasmic.
NorbitGorbit1 karma2015-01-04 20:27:05 UTC
What I mean is did you have to deal with the confusion between your business and other businesses with similarly orgasmic names?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 20:42:46 UTC
We haven't, but we heard that there was a maple syrup company with a similar name that kept getting questions about corsets and dildos! :)
Boinkedyou14 karma2015-01-04 17:55:36 UTC
Do you think Lelo products are as good as their price tags makes them seem?
sexpertkat5 karma2015-01-04 19:10:03 UTC
Lelo makes beautiful toys, that's for sure. They're powerful, versatile and gorgeous to look at. My advice is to either pop in to a local sex toy store to check them out before you buy or, better yet, buy from a company with a no-fuss return policy like mine and a few others so that if you end up feeling like it's not worth the money, then you can return it for store credit so that you can get something else. (Of note: we never ever resell any returned toys or lingerie... just if you were wondering! Because ew.)
At our shop and online, we often recommend that first-time customers buy a less expensive, but still body-safe toy like a Tantus Little Secrets Spoon to figure out how they play before they invest. Then they can speak with one of our product experts about how they like to play best - i.e. internal or external, strong vibrations, different patterns, mostly solo or usually with a partner.
Also, shameless plug here... you really should check us out as we have amazing prices on Lelo products. :)
Personally, I prefer anything by Jimmyjane. I'm a minimalist at heart, and they have a very minimalist style. The vibration patterns on their high end vibes feel more organic and exciting to me. But that's personal preference!
patronsaint212 karma2015-01-04 18:40:50 UTC
This. I love those toys, but would love a product with similar feel/texture at a lower cost.
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 19:27:37 UTC
Patronsaint - Happy to give you some suggestions. Can you let me know what in particular you're looking for? Rabbit-style? Slight curve? External or internal? All of these factors play in to my suggestions. Lelo has a really full range, but other designers and manufacturers sometimes have products that fit the bill depending on what you're looking for.
patronsaint211 karma2015-01-04 20:29:44 UTC
We own two Lelo toys (Gigi and the rabbit-style Ina), and what we like about them is their texture. Everything else just seems too plasticy for us.
Since a lot of our friends lack full-time employ (college or grad school-aged, mid-to-lower twenties) we don't have much to suggest outside of Lelo. We buy for the texture, and it'd be nice to suggest a cheaper alternative with the same touch. Also, we could expand our own drawer of stuff at a lower price because something different is always nice to have around.
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 20:41:51 UTC
What you're referring to, I believe, is the outer silicone texture. Silicone comes in different types - some with a shiny finish (which is what I think you dislike) and some that are more skin-like (which is what Lelo and Jimmyjane both use).
Check out the Princess Diamond Vibe from Evolved Novelties. Note that it's battery-powered instead of a rechargeable which is a bit of a pain, but it's still a high quality toy made with body-safe materials. You won't get as much buzz for your buck, but it's still a great toy to have in your collection - or a great way to get a fun little toy without breaking the bank.
If the cute little rhinestones in my previous selection aren't your thing, chck out the bgood vibe and/or the Leaf Vitality Plus. The latter has a mini-rabbit shape, but looks more like a plant. Both of these have the same skin-like silicone that I think you dig.
hackop1 karma2015-01-04 18:51:02 UTC
They're pretty damn good: Aesthetic, power, longevity, usability is all top notch. Also, Amazon vs my local sex shop was about a 50% cheaper option. So, they aren't really priced THAT much differently than the run-of-the-mill stuff.
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 19:29:10 UTC
There are lots of ways to find good deals on Lelo products - but do be careful. Look for a store that has a good return policy. It's rare for a Lelo toy to malfunction, but it does happen now and again. Ohhh Canada's prices are really good on Lelo as well.
Faplike13 karma2015-01-04 17:49:24 UTC
If I order something, how discreet is the packaging? My roommate checks the mail.
sexpertkat6 karma2015-01-04 19:44:23 UTC
Hey Faplike - good question. Our shipping is VERY discreet. We ship in plain brown cardboard boxes and the "from" address is our warehouse address, but without any mention of "Ohhh Canada." All packages are marked with "Personal & Confidential" labels.
Important caveat, though: when we ship to the States we have to include a manifest listing the contents. We try to be as discreet as possible - "underwear" and "clothing" and "massage product." We have no way around this as we ship from Canada. Within Canada we don't have to disclose contents at all (and so we don't).
You can read more about our shipping policies and prices here
Thanks for your question!
RapperBugzapper10 karma2015-01-04 17:55:55 UTC
What does your family think of your profession?
sexpertkat9 karma2015-01-04 19:37:03 UTC
Love this question! My 60-year old mother actually took over warehouse operations two years ago, and has been running a tight ship ever since. Needless to say, she's really supportive of the business.
My dad, on the other hand, is really proud of my success as an entrepreneur, but pretty much pretends the "sex speaker" part of my career doesn't exist. He's all in for a conversation on numbers or business, but if I start talking about lube or dildos he's out!
Similarly, I once scared my brother away from the table at Thanksgiving - my mom and I were talking about toys, and some of the other female members of my fam chimed in, and then all of a sudden my brother just got up and left! :)
So it's a mixed bag, really.
mindfulshrimp9 karma2015-01-04 18:03:03 UTC
What's your funniest NSFW Story?
sexpertkat6 karma2015-01-04 19:23:08 UTC
NSFW is kind of the story of my day-to-day life in many ways, so it's hard to pick just one!
I just recently got stopped going through airport security in Prague because I had a bag full of sex toys...which security started going through one by one. I kept telling them they were sex toys, but they didn't believe me. I think there was a bit of a language barrier. Although everyone else in the line seemed to know EXACTLY what they were! I'm hard to embarrass, but after about a thirty minute conversation, even I started blushing!
alwaysalwayshungry5 karma2015-01-04 17:59:51 UTC
What is one item that every couple should have beside their bed..?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 20:27:08 UTC
High quality, body-safe, non-sticky water-based lube. Look for a lube without glycerine if possible as glycerine makes lubes sticky. Also, a lot of the lubes sold at drug stores tend to be lower quality and have a lot of ingredients we at Ohhh wouldn't consider body safe or desirable.
Lube makes everything better! Oral, penetration, hand jobs - everything! Even if you "don't need it" because you're wet enough naturally, it can add a lot to the experience.
Quick tip: make sure to warm it up in the palms of your hands before you apply it (unless of course you're interested in cold temperature play... then put it in the fridge).
A little bullet vibe and some simple silicone cock rings are great bedside table accessories, too.
dc6680125 karma2015-01-04 18:07:32 UTC
You say you are writing a book on how to talk dirty, I know it differs for everyone but is there a single sentence that you would say is generally the sexiest thing a person could say?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 20:05:58 UTC
Woo! This is a seemingly simple question without a simple answer. :) And you've got it - every person is different - every couple is different - every recipient is different.
In my book I'm writing about different categories of dirty talk. One of the easiest to get you started is instructional and descriptive - i.e. "The next time we're alone, I want to explore your beautiful body with my tongue. Just being in your presence gets me excited."
Sexy compliments are also a great way to get started.
Rakaith5 karma2015-01-04 17:56:35 UTC
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:55:03 UTC
Yes! Focus on giving your partner sexy compliments versus trying to come up with lengthy erotic monologues.
"Baby, you're so damn sexy" is a good (and easy!) start.
Don't feel like you need to ramble on at length for it to be sexy. Short, sweet, sexy, to the point.
turbotoss5 karma2015-01-04 18:08:03 UTC
Thanks for doing an ama!
I had a rough patch in my intimate life a couple years back that did well in scarring and interrupting everything I enjoyed about sex, including foreplay and to be honest, even meeting girls. Do you have any ideas to remove or shift the boatloads of shame I feel even thinking about the interactions? Healthy sex enriched my life and I need some hope.
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 19:56:54 UTC
Turbotoss - and thank you for your heartfelt question.
Firstly, you may well benefit from talking to a therapist. I don't say that to be flip, but if you're carrying around a lot of shame, you'd be well suited to speak with someone live and one-on-one.
That being said, here are my recommendations to get you started... Start slowly... Do the things that make YOU feel sexy about yourself whether that's masturbation or even just dressing up and looking hot, sweaty workouts at the gym - whatever. Start with building up your own self-confidence and KNOWING that you're sexy. I realize this is far easier said than done. So go easy on yourself and take baby steps.
I take it from your reference to girls that you're attracted to women. If you have a close gal pal, ask her to have a heart-to-heart with you and tell you all the things she would say about you if she was talking to one of her single girlfriends about you. Find out what she thinks is sexiest about you. Even though our self-confidence should come from within and blah blah all that stuff, we all seek validation in one sense or another, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Shame is, sadly, a very common human emotion - especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. If you'd like some reco's for experts on this, I'd be happy to send you some names & emails. Just pick any email from either of my sites, and I'll reply back. If you end up sending something to my team - just ask them to forward it to Kat! :) Sending you lots of happy sexy energy. Feel free to post again if you have more specific questions.
Laya_L4 karma2015-01-04 18:00:07 UTC
You mentioned you travel around the world and give talks about sex. Do you research beforehand how much you can say about sex in more conservative countries you go to, if any? If yes, I would really like to know what kind of stuff you can't talk about in these countries.
sexpertkat6 karma2015-01-04 21:17:10 UTC
My PR agency is really forthcoming as to what I speak about, and generally anyone who books me is pretty clear about what they want covered and what they don't want me to touch on. This is especially true since I speak about entrepreneurship as often as I speak about sex (they are my two great passions!).
When I spoke in India, it was more of a Q&A so I answered whatever questions my audience was brave enough to ask. I was surprised that a lot of the questions they had for me were related to sex culture in North America as opposed to more technical questions... they had all kinds of cultural questions for me which was a really thought-provoking experience.
That being said, I always do quite a bit of research before I start developing my speaking points. I once spoke at a private engagement for an orthodox Muslim women's group, and as per their request, I focused only on sex tips for married couples.
It's difficult to base what to talk about based on research alone - it's really the audience that dictates where the presentation goes. I like to gauge the temperature and interest of each group on the fly - I've become quite good at altering my subject-matter to suit who is in attendance.
I have never spoken about sex in the UAE - I know that that would be an interesting and perhaps challenging presentation to prepare for. I say this because I was actually due to be a keynote speaker at a women's conference on entrepreneurship and I got pulled from the program because one of the sponsors thought my businesses were "inappropriate." If you're curious, you can read a bit more about that whole debacle on the KatrinaMcKay.com blog.
bigmonkeyjunk3 karma2015-01-04 18:18:51 UTC
I've always found older women (35-45) to be more assertive, eager, and experimental sexually than younger girls. Is this fairly common or have i just lucked out with my friends' moms when i was younger?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 20:21:33 UTC
Well more time on this earth means more time for sexual experimentation. Everyone is different, but as we get older we tend to recognize what we want in bed (and in life). I'm not sure whether or not it's common for women in the 35-45 year age range to be more sexually experimental per se, but pop culture would have us believe this is true. :) I think this would make an excellent academic study. :)
RancorHi52 karma2015-01-04 18:19:39 UTC
Have you had any experience with the new cannabis infused coconut oil lube that is available in CA? I am trying to formulate my own recipe for personal use and gifts but am struggling with the refinement/purifying process. Any thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated.
EDIT:Foria is the product
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 22:09:12 UTC
As soon as Foria was announced, Ohhh Canada's's team of customer service rockstars were overwhelmed with requests for it.
Sadly, it's illegal to import Foria into Canada, so we won't be getting it anytime soon. The only place you can get it, to my knowledge, is Cali.
I haven't had the chance to try it myself, although I'll be in LA later this month, so perhaps I'll get the opportunity! :)
Good luck with your formulation!
sweetoats2 karma2015-01-04 18:02:11 UTC
Got any crazy NSFW stories that someone has told you openly?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:17:42 UTC
Many, but far too many to list here! :) I'm told NSFW stories on the daily.
MCorean2 karma2015-01-04 18:10:19 UTC
Hey, how did you even get this career?
Where did you learn all of these things in order to make a business like this/ become a sexpert?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:19:59 UTC
Good question! Please see the top of this thread as it's already been answered. :) In short - Ohhh Canada was born of my passion for both entrepreneurship and helping people express their sexy. My career as a sex speaker happened as a natural result.
Cat_Bug2 karma2015-01-04 18:04:20 UTC
What is the weirdest sex question that someone has asked you?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 22:01:04 UTC
I don't think of questions about sex as "weird", but I know what you mean. I actually had someone ask me what to do as she had accidentally flushed a glass Kegel ball down the toilet. I told her to call a plumber if her toilet got clogged, but otherwise it shouldn't be an issue.
PM_ME_TITS_AND_VAG2 karma2015-01-04 18:06:12 UTC
What one piece of advice would you give to someone who's girlfriend wants him to talk dirty to her but he can't seem to think of anything in the moment?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 22:03:13 UTC
I know how lame this is going to sound... but you gotta practice. Come up with a few sexy phrases you want to relay to her and practice by yourself first... as many times as you need to before they just roll off your tongue. Not many of us, myself included, are natural dirty talkers.
Also consider sending her some sexy text messages - that way you have time to think about them beforehand!
AllanCD2 karma2015-01-04 18:21:08 UTC
How did your family react when you told them what business you were getting into?
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 22:11:54 UTC
I actually started Ohhh Canada and had it up and running long before my family knew anything about it. My mom actually works with Ohhh, the rest of my family is proud of me and what my team has achieved, but they don't necessarily want to hear too much about any details that could possibly give them any insight into my own personal sex life! So sometimes they skip my radio interviews and tv appearances.
Resident_Wizard2 karma2015-01-04 18:26:51 UTC
What was the point of traveling to Mumbai? Have you been to other parts of the world to discuss sex? Are you teaching things such as safe sex and maybe opening others to understanding the LGBT lifestyle?
Or are you out there bringing them self sexual awareness? Are they being taught to explore something that they wouldn't normally consider or to participate in topics they consider taboo for their area?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:42:53 UTC
I had a private gig in Mumbai and it was a Q&A style session - which was an absolutely amazing experience. I've also spoke in Europe, the US, Canada and the Philippines.
I've never been asked to do a session specifically on safer sex; it's a topic that's well covered by other experts. But it does, of course, get discussed if I'm talking about positions or techniques.
I haven't ever been asked to speak directly on LGBT issues specifically, but I often do workshops for women-who-love-women and I'm a regularly quoted on LGBT-focused media (ProudFM for one).
My areas of specialty focus around ways for people to feel sexier about themselves - sexier in their own skin. One of the reasons I love doing my dirty talk workshop is that anyone can come to the workshop and I'll meet them wherever they're at. 50% of my attendees tell me in different ways that they really signed up for a dirty talk workshop because they're trying to find their voice - in the bedroom and beyond.
If I'm doing my job well, then workshop participants (both online and in-person) should feel at ease, respected and engaged, and therefore comfortable asking questions they wouldn't ask in their usual day-to-day circles.
Orange-silver-mouth2 karma2015-01-04 18:31:23 UTC
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-05 05:49:35 UTC
Hey Orange-silver-mouth. Great question. What do you mean by open? Do you mean open as in open relationship - i.e. poly of some sort?
I'm going to assume (and correct me if I'm wrong), that you mean open to new sexual experiences.
My advice is simple. Focus on your current likes, and expand from there. For example, if you're really titillated by sexy stories, look for porn that explores similar themes. If you have great orgasms when you masturbate on your own, try putting on a show for your partner and masturbate in front of him/her.
So many ideas! Give me a little more context, and I'd be happy to help you out with some other suggestions.
sucker4_lingerie2 karma2015-01-04 18:29:57 UTC
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-05 06:07:20 UTC
I don't know that it "should" be a team effort, but it's super sexy to shop for lingerie with your lover - if you do it online, you can even shop naked while you cuddle. Oooh, doesn't that sound sexy?
And if you're shopping for it together, it means that you're more likely to get the size and style just right. Alternatively, you can always opt for a gift certificate.
Warlizard2 karma2015-01-04 18:24:27 UTC
I had a really interesting conversation with a woman who had a degree in "Sexology" about dealing with pedophiles.
Currently, there's no sanctioned treatment that doesn't include avoidance or abstinence, and essentially pedophiles are told they simply have zero outlet.
Do you have any thoughts on this? As a father, I'm naturally concerned that my kids could be exposed to someone whose desires are not only illegal, but incredibly harmful, and who have no way of expressing them, even in private.
Obviously, I'm not suggesting that children ever be exposed to these people, but is there some sort of harmless way to help them and hopefully lessen the risk to our children?
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 22:44:15 UTC
Warlizard, great topic, but definitely out of my area of expertise. I have had some really interesting conversations on this topic with a psychiatrist who in essence told me that there really haven't been any treatments shown to be effective to treat pedophilia - medical, talk therapy or otherwise. I do think it's SUCH a difficult topic to broach because no one WANTS to talk about it - and people are demonized the minute they admit to any sort of sexual feelings towards minors. I agree with you that obviously these people should never be allowed to interact with children, however much more research needs to be done - we need to find a way to help people who have these inclinations.
LetsTalkPornShallWe2 karma2015-01-04 18:36:24 UTC
Thanks so much for doing this AMA! I am currently working on a thesis on the effects of pornography. I would love yo know your opinion! How do you think regularly consuming porn changes people's actions, whether that's actions in the bedroom or even body modification?? Thanks!
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:50:14 UTC
Love love love this topic, but is a HUGE one. Please feel free to email me directly at [email protected] and I'd be happy to help with your thesis.
squidipus2 karma2015-01-04 18:49:49 UTC
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-05 04:43:54 UTC
Hey squidipus! Awww, thanks so much for the visit. We are indeed near Trinity Bellwoods. I'm so glad that my lovely Ohhh girls were helpful - they and we, are known for that. I truly have the most amazing staff in the world. I'm so lucky and grateful.
OMG, double ended dildos - there are so many crappy ones out there. The one I absolutely love is the double ender by Fun Factory. It's pliable, and it even allows you to be face to face with your partner and have you both move and grind. Harder to describe than it is to use. I actually featured it in a segment on ProudFM, and we've had lots of questions about it. It's made of silicone which is my go-to for all dildos, actually, and easy to clean because it's fully submergible.
If you're looking for something with a bit more of a traditional application, check out the Tantus Feeldoe Slim. It's beautifully made, and we've never ever had a return on one - everyone who has one just loves them. They're harness compatible, too. And they vibrate. Oh and if you ever want a one that's thicker or longer, we can order those in as well - Tantus makes a full line. It's also made of silicone although I don't like the material on this one quite as much.
Always avoid materials that have a strong smell (if they're off gassing, they're likely to leach ickiness into your bodies), and always ask if a product contains phthalates (everything at Ohhh is free of phthalates) as these are known carcinogens.
If you're dubious about your current toy, you don't need to throw it out, but do start using condoms on it on both ends even if you only use it with one partner... if it's not getting cleaned properly or the materials aren't the best you want to make sure you're protecting yourself from exposure as well as bacteria and fungus that may have made a home on your toy. Not sexy sounding, I know - sorry for the buzz kill! :)
I hope you'll stop by and see us again! And hope you're having a very sexy Sunday night. xo
dazian2 karma2015-01-04 18:50:14 UTC
Do you experience great differences talking to men or women in this industry? Do you have a preference in trading with men or women? (Not trying to be sexist, just interested!)
Edit: changed man into men. Damn my spelling.
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-05 04:34:57 UTC
Hey, I don't think your question is sexist. These types of inquiries interest me, too.
Not quite sure what you mean by trading, but I assume you mean business.
At Ohhh Canada, a lot of our male customers with female partners visit us online or in the store to buy gifts or accessories for sexy nights in (or out) for their female partners - and it's a lot of fun to help them pick out something for their special someone.
Women are often buying for themselves, so it's just as fun, but for different reasons. They tend to ask really specific questions based on their personal likes and dislikes sexually (or fashion-wise if we're talking lingerie).
90% of my workshop attendees are women. This is also largely because Ohhh's brand is unapologetically girly, so we tend to attract a girly crowd - although we do have a big following in the LGBT community from people who would definitely not identify themselves as being girly.
I love all the peeps that I get the chance to work with, learn with and inspire. That sounds like a line, but it really is, too. I don't have a preference as to men or women. I DO have an awfully fun time doing booby play workshops for women who are into women, though. Those are just a blast.
blindguymcsqueezie2 karma2015-01-04 18:58:57 UTC
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-05 03:37:20 UTC
I'm happy to report I've never felt objectified due to my profession. I think it helps that I'm in addition to being a sex speaker, also the CEO of a successful company (actually more than one company). I know that that changes some peoples' perceptions of me (and not always favourably!).
And I definitely don't purport to hold the "keys to the kingdom" of sexuality - that's for sure! I know quite a lot, but I'm still learning, too. My partner would tell you that I love experimentation, and while I love helping others express their sexy selves, I am by no means the "be all end all", and in person I definitely don't give people that impression.
I DO find that people open up to me easily - partially because of my knowledge and what I do and how MANY sex questions I've answered over the years, and partially because I have that sort of disarming personality. You really can tell me just about anything and you're unlikely to get a shocked reaction. I'm very comfortable talking about sexuality, and people often feel very safe with me. So I don't know if people treat me better, per se, but they do honour me with their deepest secrets. It's really a pleasure and a great privilege to get to do what I do, and to have so many peoples' trust.
bettareckognize2 karma2015-01-04 19:00:05 UTC
Can you give an example of a sex act that's considered somewhat illicit now but was not in the past?
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-05 03:31:44 UTC
Sure thing. This is a pretty easy one, so let me know if you want to challenge me to come up with more modern examples (I'd be happy to).
in ancient Roman times prostitution was, according to many historians, widespread and accepted.
Not so much now.
NihiloZero2 karma2015-01-04 18:23:23 UTC
What do you think about the commodification of sexuality? How can people get away from sexual consumerism?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:27:16 UTC
Woo! This merits an essay as opposed to a quick reddit response. Nonetheless, let me give you my two cents...
How people express their sexuality (or choose not to), is really such a personal decision. When I give sex advice, while I might suggest toys or lingerie, I'm also just as likely to suggest really simple everyday things you can do with your partner or alone that involve more mind and body than external accessories. I've always said in interview that sex toys and lingerie are fun - but they're just that. They're not necessities. Buying a bunch of "stuff" isn't necessarily going to improve your sex life - just in the same way that buying of bunch of stuff in general isn't necessarily going to make you happy in life.
Getting away from consumerism, in general, really means focusing more on interactions with other human beings or examining ideas versus leveraging products.
That's a start. Feel free to keep the discussion going - I love this stuff!
BiWifeSharer2 karma2015-01-04 18:23:59 UTC
Do you ever have trouble in relationships with partners being a little overwhelmed by the "sex expert" thing, or is it generally a plus?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 22:34:29 UTC
I naturally attract partners who are sex-positive and love what I do. I'm also really upfront with my partners, and I tell them that while I talk about sex publicly and I run a sexy business, I don't know everything! I LOVE learning new things from my partners, and frankly, from life! Personally I'm actually really playful (and a bit goofy at times) in the bedroom, so I'm kind of disarming.
It hasn't to date been a problem, but I think the people for whom it would become an issue filter themselves out pretty early on.
Hope this answers your question.
UnsinkableRubberDuck2 karma2015-01-04 18:29:27 UTC
I see you've spoken many places around the world, which gives you a huge audience. It's awesome to see more people helping others to express their sexuality, cause I really do think people need to loosen up a bit more in regards to sex, at least to the point where purity or virginity are no longer worshipped.
My question, though, is do you spend any time talking about consent? It's a tricky thing, and a lot of people don't seem to fully understand how far and deep it must go. Canada has recently been shining the spotlight upon the Jian Ghomeshi lawsuit, which to me seems to revolve around the fact that consent may have been given at the start, but it was not on-going.
I also remember a recent poll (can't find results, sorry), where it said most teenagers, even girls, thought it was okay for a guy to force himself on the girl if she led him on, but then said no before penetration actually occurred, and various things like that.
In the BDSM world, consent is also a HUGE issue, with safe words and signals and all that. I've even heard stories from my own local community of people who were supposedly trusted members, but they crossed the line of the safe word and consent anyways.
How do you bring this up with your audiences, if at all?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 21:49:04 UTC
The Ghomeshi case has really changed not so much my opinions on consent, but definitely my desire to speak about it.
I tend to speak most often on topics like costume play and dirty talk - which some people might THINK would mean I don't need to speak about consent. But I do. We all do. Anyone who talks about sex now needs to talk about consent
I always focus on the core of consent rather than the letter. We need to TALK with our partners, all the time, on the regular, about what's okay and what's not okay. We need to keep checking in regularly.
One of the subjects of my upcoming book on dirty talk is specifically on sexting. The trouble with sexting is that you don't know how sexts are going to be received because you don't have any live feedback - body language, facial expressions... and you don't know what's happening in a person's life at the time that you send that text message. My advice is always to venture slowly, and check in regularly. Even with text messages! Send a message, wait for a response, and if no response or a negative one, CALL or better yet discuss in person to get the skinny on the person's reaction.
Consent - we need to keep talking about it.
slendertenderz1 karma2015-01-04 19:52:55 UTC
Hi sexpertkat. Thanks for doing this AMA. Could you recommend some literature to read that is very "quotable" for a couple just getting into dirty talk?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 23:10:54 UTC
Absolutely. Check out Literotica's Free Erotic Stories for Couples to start with. Bonus - it's free. :)
We also have some really great erotic titles coming out at Ohhh. Give us a follow on Twitter, Facebook or sign up for our newsletter.
Phexx1 karma2015-01-04 18:27:43 UTC
I am between girlfriends at the moment and as such I have to rely on my right hand. When the pause between girlfriends gets a little longer than I would like and I finally get to have real sex again it is very difficult to orgasm during intercourse. Am I masturbating wrong somehow? Is this "normal" for other men as well?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-05 06:10:43 UTC
Hey, your plight is really common. After all, who knows how to make you cum better than you do? No one - no matter how much being with them sexually excites you. Totally normal.
To transition between ridin' solo and sex with a partner, use your partners hand against your cock, and your hand over hers and direct her to touch you in the ways that you like. Then if you want to transition to intercourse, have her rub you until you're very close, and then move to penetration (with a condom, of course if you're not fluid bonded).
MemoriePatton1 karma2015-01-04 18:18:34 UTC
How do you feel about women who voluntarily enter the sex industry? Not necessarily as porn stars, but as a cam girls, panty sellers, etc?
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 22:05:17 UTC
I'm very supportive of women who voluntarily enter the sex industry. There need to be more resources for women and men who are interested in sex work of all kinds.
Bootsk81 karma2015-01-04 18:20:28 UTC
How did you get your foot in the door and pave the way for yourself in the industry?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-04 22:10:14 UTC
I created a business I wanted to shop with. I created a brand I believe in. And I researched and spoke about topics I am passionate about. :) A short answer, but this is covered a few times over now above - if you have any more specific questions, please feel free to reply! :)
joanmavis1 karma2015-01-04 18:35:10 UTC
Thank you thank you thank you for having the best company name in all of Canada.
What would you say is the most common sex-based concern that your customers are embarrassed/timid about?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-05 05:29:06 UTC
Well thank you thank you thank you for loving our company name. After five years, it still gives me a little giggle! We tried to incorporate a bit of my quirky sense of humour in the company name.
For women it's often questions about anal sex. It's happened many times where we've had women hanging out in our tiny boutique asking all kinds of questions until they finally just ask, "Okay really, though, I need to know something about butt toys." The questions are often about cleanliness, pleasure and preparation.
mayowarlord1 karma2015-01-04 18:24:25 UTC
What is the sense you get about pegging and hetero male anal play becoming normalized in the global community? It seems like a thing a lot of people talk about on the Internet but won't bring up in person.
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 22:40:53 UTC
If I use Ohhh Canada's sales numbers as an indication, pegging gained a lot of popularity about two years ago - I have yet to figure out where this interest suddenly stemmed from (other than the obvious - pegging is awesome!). It seems to go in and out of vogue (no pun intended on the use of in and out). We have definitely seen huge interest in beginner pegging sets, that's for sure.
There's still a huge stigma against men who identify as straight (or anything other than gay) who enjoy anal play. It seems that that stigma is starting to fade away, at long last, but we still have a long way to go.
rememberlans1 karma2015-01-04 18:55:06 UTC
How would one go about becoming a sexpert, or is it a self proclaimed title? If it's the latter, hello fellow sexpert!
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-05 03:40:17 UTC
HAHA. Good question, as sexpert is kind of a ridiculous word. The media actually gave me that title - for the longest time I was just "the CEO of Ohhh Canada that did workshops on sex stuff," but starting about three years ago, the media started calling me Kat the Sexpert and ultimately I embraced it.
Other terms that my peers use include sex speaker, sex educator, sex workshop facilitator, etc.
You'll get very different answers from all of us as to how best to become a sexpert. You can go the formal educational route (which is fab), or educate yourself on a niche and start sharing that knowledge with the world. I know very successful people who have come from both worlds. My experience started in the extensive and sometimes obsessive (sex geek right here!) research I did for products for Ohhh, and then ultimately led to answering so many questions that I started doing workshops.
personality_2_of_1 karma2015-01-04 19:41:33 UTC
Don't know why it was removed, but hope you are still reading. I'm trying to get my SO a corset for our anniversary. She said she used some before. What is something I should keep in mind before buying it?
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-05 03:23:38 UTC
Not sure either - wasn't removed by me! I'm still reading, but it's admittedly taking me a long time to get to everyone's questions - so thanks for your patience!
Yay love that you're getting your SO a corset - that's lovely.
A "corset" by definition has boning in it that gives the garment it's shape. They were (and still are in some cases) originally used as shape wear - meaning they were foundation garments meant to give a certain shape to the body. Traditionally they pull the waist in, giving a cinched or wasp-like look, and make the chest look fuller. They can be under bust or over bust (covering the breasts or not). Here is an example of a steel-boned corset in leather. If you don't like leather, opt for a satin corset.
Fast forward to present day and we are usually wearing corsets for fun and fashion. The boning, in true corsets, remains. You'll need to decide if you want to opt for a steel-boned corset which is a lot stronger and heavier or something with plastic bones. Plastic boning tends to bend more easily, but some say it's more comfortable because it's more flexible. We don't tend to offer a lot of corsets without steel boning, just because we don't see a lot of demand for them, but a lot of the lingerie stores in shopping malls will carry them.
Bustiers, which are often confused with corsets, may also be another option for you. Bustiers tend to be less restrictive, and are more like bras with a built-in centre part that provides some mild shaping, but isn't really meant to cinch in the waist. These can be boned or without bones, although the former tends to hold it's shape better. My all-time fave at Ohhh, and a perennial customer fave is the Veronica Bustier in Black. It's just really easy to pair with other lingerie pieces. I've even worn mine out of the bedroom underneath a blazer with a pair of skinnies.
Do be careful of sizing. Even if you have another corset or garment or hers, every designer and manufacturer uses different measurements (sometimes drastically different measurements) for each size. If you can find a sneaky way to get her measurements, do so. Or, opt for a company like Ohhh that will let you send it back and exchange it (we never resell anything FYI) for a different size. Alternatively, although I know it's not as fun, you could pick out a hot pair of panties for her and combine them with a gift certificate and a print-out of the corset you WANT to get her. Then she can determine via a size chart which size would fit her best.
As for material, all corsets made from satin or silk need to be either dry-cleaned or hand washed with lingerie wash. You can buy lingerie wash in lingerie stores or sometimes even at the grocery store, or you can opt for my fave Soak Wash. Leather corsets should be surface cleaned with leather cleaner.
Hope this helps! Feel free to send me follow up questions if you have any. :)
Patient_xero1 karma2015-01-04 18:21:45 UTC
Does the country you are in drastically effect how you talk about sex, or the general atmosphere in the room? For instance in more religious/sexually repressed suppressed societies?
sexpertkat3 karma2015-01-04 22:22:49 UTC
Yes, but those decisions are generally made long before I actually show up to speak. My team is really great at asking all the difficult questions regarding what I can talk about and what I can't talk about. It's usually more of a concern if it's going to be live-to-air on the radio or tv as there are restrictions as to what language can be used.
Even still, whenever I'm onsite, I always always try to gauge where the audience is at and what they're interested in. I want people to push their own boundaries in ways that feel good to them, but I certainly don't want to alienate and terrify people by delving too deep into subjects that aren't really on their radar.
It hasn't been so much differences from country-to-country as it has group to group... meaning if I'm hired for a private engagement for a big group of women who want to learn how to talk dirty they generally know what they're in for regardless of country. Most of the more controversial topics usually get brought up in the Q&A with the audience which I suppose sort of takes the heat off of me! If they're brave enough to ask, I will always answer to the best of my abilities.
TheNickropheliac1 karma2015-01-04 18:51:11 UTC
What did your parents think when you told them about your endeavors to run a business founded on sex and sex accessories? Were they supportive, uncomfortable? Proud, disappointed?
sexpertkat2 karma2015-01-05 04:28:16 UTC
My parents have always been really supportive, although I know that the biz makes them a bit uncomfortable at times. My dad just refers to me as an "entrepreneur." My mom, though if she was uncomfortable in the beginning, that has all melted away - she's the warehouse manager at Ohhh Canada!
I am very committed to my mission of helping others lead healthy, sexy and abundant lives, and my family and friends sense this, and this really encourages their support.
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