I live in North Carolina, where the homeschooling laws are pretty lax. One of my parents dropped out of college to work, the other has a Master's degree.

I was homeschooled for five years, went to public elementary and high school, and private school for preschool and summer programs.

I see homeschooling as a valid option, no better or worse than public or private school. Each option has strengths, weaknesses, and the potential for children to be abused, neglected, given misinformation... and the potential for amazing opportunities, excellent education, and fantastic personal growth.

I've seen other homeschooling AMA's done, but been frustrated that they seem to mostly be from people homeschooled for religious reasons. That's not the only type of homeschooler out there, and I'd like to answer some of the common questions from a different perspective.


I am female, 24, married, and have a six-month-old baby. We currently plan to homeschool our son and his future siblings for elementary school and send him to public high school. My husband has his Master's in education and taught in public school for five years.


Wow, this got WAY more responses than I expected. I am thrilled and I intend to address each and every one of you, but I also have work to do today, so I might not be responding quite as quickly for a while. Thank you SO much for your interest, and I'll still be answering questions today and tomorrow, but my previous goal of answering within 10 minutes needs to be adjusted. :)

Comments: 295 • Responses: 49  • Date: 

socializednoreally49 karma

A deleted comment said that I only appreciate homeschooling because my parents aren't idiots and therefore were able to homeschool me effectively.

I respect their decision to delete their comment, but I also think that that is a specific point that I wanted to refute, so I copied and pasted my response to them.

I do understand your perspective. I really do. Some people are idiots.

Unfortunately, I have met enough public school teachers who were idiots, and enough parents who sent their kids to public school but still managed to brainwash them into their own brand of stupidity, that I cannot think that homeschooling has any sort of monopoly on spreading ignorance.

vcguitar41 karma

Why did your parents choose to homeschool you rather than use public school? Curriculum concerns?

socializednoreally83 karma


I was more and more bored and frustrated in public school, my parents wanted me in harder classes, and I had a lot of social difficulties.

To put it bluntly: I sucked at being around other kids. I was great at being around adults.

My parents decided, I think, that rather than send me off to public middle school, already socially difficult, when I was already having problems, they'd homeschool me. I spent a LOT of time with other kids, in classes and play groups and so on. I actually spent WAY more social time with other kids when I was homeschooled, because in public school I hid behind a book. I wasn't allowed to do that while homeschooled.

I think that their decision COULD have ended up with me being even less socially adept, but it ended up working out really well. Rather than being with the kids who had already decided that I was weird, I got a chance to start fresh in a totally new environment and develop new patterns.

It helped me enormously.

hardciderguy61 karma

I actually spent WAY more social time with other kids when I was homeschooled, because in public school I hid behind a book. I wasn't allowed to do that while homeschooled.

This is a key point. The quantity of time spent around other kids may be more in public school, but the quality of time is so much better. Our four boys (all secular homeschooling right now) have made more and better friends because they're participating in activities such as those provided by our local YMCA, while still maintaining friends made in school. The only difference is that they're spending time with these kids in a non-school setting, and instead of dealing with the typical school social hierarchy, they just have a lot of fun with their friends and don't have to deal with the angry kids who want to make other kids miserable because of their own problems.

jmkreth11 karma

I've always felt that, as much as bullying and dealing with mean kids can be difficult, in many instances, it can help a child's social skills by teaching them how to deal with difficult situations. Now, of course, there can be extreme cases where the problems being caused way outweigh any benefit of learning to work-through and deal with those issues, but do you feel like your kids are still exposed to those type of situations and learn those skills when you home school? I'm sure they can still arise, but I wonder if you get the same benefit that way or not.

EDIT I don't know that anyone has taken my comment this way, but I wanted to clarify anyway. I am in no way saying that I think homeschooling is bad. Nor am I suggesting that homeschooling a child because of bullying issues is a bad thing, nor am I trying to downplay anyone's experiences with bullying. I was just genuinely curious as to people's experiences with homeschooling and the effect it might have by potentially removing a child from having to deal with bullies and mean kids as part of their social learning experience. I wasn't sure if simply exposing your child to other kids through other means would expose them to the same type of bullying/mean kid experiences and what that effect might be. Thanks for all the responses.

socializednoreally5 karma

I'm going to copy-and-paste this comment to several of you...

I think my parents made the best decision that they could with the data they had. They made sacrifices to homeschool me and it worked out well overall.

Academics were a STRONG reason that they decided to homeschool me. Family flexibility was another - my father traveled for a living and I was able to go with him on a lot of trips because I was homeschooled. I've been to dozens of states.

Yes, one reason they homeschooled me was because I sucked socially.

Homeschooling was not the first thing they'd tried. I was a lonely, awkward kid. I am not a lonely, awkward adult. I'm calling it a win, and the point of my AMA was not to examine every decision made by my parents without them having a chance to explain their side. I adore them and, while there are decisions I wish they'd made differently, they were great parents who had my best interests in mind.

Sound fair? :)

ClimateMom5 karma

Family flexibility was another - my father traveled for a living and I was able to go with him on a lot of trips because I was homeschooled. I've been to dozens of states.

Yeah, this is an often overlooked benefit of homeschooling, imo - it makes it much easier to avoid the crowds both on vacations and for things like museums and zoos. We lived in DC for a year during our homeschool period, and I remember having the Air and Space Museum practically to ourselves because we went on a weekday in winter.

socializednoreally6 karma

YES! That was fantastic. I still get confused sometimes when I go places on weekends and they are crowded. Oh, right, it's not a Tuesday on the off season.

We used to go to King's Dominion on Tuesday or Thursday on the off season... but on snow days, I had to stay in any do schoolwork anyways. Totally balanced out! ;)

jmkreth2 karma

Sounds good to me. I'm certainly not trying to judge your parents' (or anyone's) decisions to homeschool. Really, I was just curious about people's experiences regarding removing a child from the school environment where, from my personal experience, I learned to deal with a lot of difficult situations that other children caused. I had always wondered, when thinking of the homeschooling in the abstract, if homeschooled children would obtain those same "problem solving" skills (for lack of a better phrase) where they weren't having to deal with bullies and mean classmates on a fairly regular basis.

I'm sure you would experience them in other facets of your life when you saw or socialized with other children, but that raised a few questions for me:

1.) Were the "negative" interactions with other kids equivalent to what you'd experience being in the school system?

2.) Do children really gain something from dealing with those experiences?

3.) Assuming the answer to 2 is yes, do you really need equivalent experiences to those you'd deal with in the school system to gain those benefits or can your interactions at a less intense level still serve that purpose? and

4.) If you do need equivalent experiences to get "maximum benefit" from them, is the harm of being those negative, bullying environments actually outweighed by the social skill you gain from being in them?

socializednoreally12 karma

1) No. In a good way. The negatives I dealt with in homeschooling were more run-of-the-mill personality conflicts. The negatives I dealt with in public school were more people knowing me by an unfortunate nickname than by my actual name, the other children refusing to touch me and freaking out if they accidentally did, space bubbles around me at the lunch tables, and so on. I felt completely ostracized.

2) I still remember a time when I was homeschooled that I said something and the other kids looked at me, and in that moment I realized that I was the one being the asshole. Public school had made me feel like I was always the victim, because it was me against everyone else. When I was homeschooled, the social circles were a lot more fluid, and a lot smaller, so I knew that what I said to one person would make an impression, not just to them, but to everyone I wanted to think well of me.

Being the asshole that day taught me a lot. Other things, too, naturally, but that was a good one. I learned to change my behavior to fit in when I was homeschooled. In a GOOD way. A thinking-about-others way. I gained a lot from that.

3 & 4) I think I just said that I did, functionally. I got lesser doses of the same lessons. Public school gave me an overwhelming YOU ARE WEIRD AND WE HATE YOU FOR IT message, while my fellow homeschoolers gave me a 'well, that behavior wasn't cool, but there are things we like about you' message. Does that make sense?

DingiGonnaDingus3 karma

Do you think that the fact that you had social difficulties (although I'm not exactly sure what that means) makes staying in school a better option since you would be forced to deal with them? I know you touched on the fact that it could have backfired, but it didn't; however, it seems that HAVING to deal with your difficulties could be more effective

Also I have a good number of homeschooled friends, although I went to public school, and they are very well-adjusted and very sociable, so I don't really know where the idea that homeschooled kids are awkward and weird comes from. Glad to hear you are socially skilled and well adjusted as well!

socializednoreally3 karma

I'm going to copy-and-paste this comment to several of you...

I think my parents made the best decision that they could with the data they had. They made sacrifices to homeschool me and it worked out well overall.

Academics were a STRONG reason that they decided to homeschool me. Family flexibility was another - my father traveled for a living and I was able to go with him on a lot of trips because I was homeschooled. I've been to dozens of states.

Yes, one reason they homeschooled me was because I sucked socially.

Homeschooling was not the first thing they'd tried. I was a lonely, awkward kid. I am not a lonely, awkward adult. I'm calling it a win, and the point of my AMA was not to examine every decision made by my parents without them having a chance to explain their side. I adore them and, while there are decisions I wish they'd made differently, they were great parents who had my best interests in mind.

Sound fair? :)

1000waystolive3 karma

I'm a freshmen and have always and still have this exact problem. Unfortunatly my parents have strong feelings against homeschooling, even though it'd make my life so much easier.

socializednoreally16 karma

Okay, my kid is only six months old, so take this with a really big grain of salt. An ocean of it.

That said... My husband and I specifically plan to send our kids to public high school, partly in order to learn how to be bored and suffer through crap they don't want to.

It would almost certainly make your life easier to be homeschooled. That's not the only lesson you need to learn. Suck it up, buttercup. :D

1000waystolive3 karma

Ok :) I do like highschool quite a bit compared to middle schook, the social setting is still not the best and the curriculum is not challenging enough, but if guess that'll only help me get into college.

socializednoreally17 karma

Okay. If you're not being challenged, challenge yourself. Learn to code. Start a business. Write. Draw. Get really, really good at something.

Learn self-discipline now. It will serve you better than anything else you can learn in high school.

Make your bed. Offer to make dinner once or twice a week. Follow through. Do chores without being asked. Do all your own laundry.

If you demonstrate a high level of responsibility on top of public school and you still want to be homeschooled, write up a proposal to your parents next summer. Include spreadsheets.

cardboardguru13-3 karma

I actually spent WAY more social time with other kids when I was homeschooled,

...only because you weren't socializing with the kids you were spending 30+ hours a week with.

I actually spent WAY more social time with other kids when I was homeschooled, because in public school I hid behind a book

Rather than help you address a serious social challenge you were struggling with, your parents removed you from the challenge. Interesting. I took the opposite approach to stellar results. It's an important skill to socialize with, and accept, people from diverse backgrounds whom you may have little or nothing in common with, to forge relationships and create a common ground.

socializednoreally9 karma

I have to admit that I agree with you. I do not think it's a decision that I would make for my child, and I already said that it could have ended up backfiring, but it ended up working out.

Remember, though, I was a kid. My parents gave me some input on whether or not I was homeschooled, but at the end of the day, it was not my decision and I do not know all of their reasons.

I am not trying to defend that particular choice of theirs, but I wanted to discuss the results and be honest about my own shortcomings. Does that make sense?

goldandguns20 karma

I'd like to homeschool because the way schools operate these days seems absolutely miserable with the constant phone calls, judgey parents, zero tolerance policies, etc.

Can you recommend any strategies for convincing my wife, who is opposed, that it's a good idea?

socializednoreally19 karma

That's a tough question that, honestly, I think is best answered as a dialog.

Let me start by saying that my husband, when we met, was lukewarm about the idea of homeschooling, while I was strongly positive. I am still positive, but after five years of teaching, my husband has become pretty passionately in favor of homeschooling our children.

What is one of her biggest objections?

goldandguns8 karma

Well she has concerns they will be socially awkward, and that she will be the one who ends up doing it, even though i have reassured her I will stop working or we can hire a teacher full time...doesn't seem to allay that concern, though

socializednoreally20 karma

Hiring a teacher full-time is complicated, although possible.

Losing one of the family's income is also complicated.

I understand her concerns. My husband and I have lived on one income our entire marriage, partly because we want to homeschool our children.

What do you do now?

EvilElephantMan-6 karma

Please don't. I was homeschooled; it's a terrible experience for the child. They go out into the real world with none of the skills they need.

socializednoreally3 karma

I'm sorry to hear that that was your experience. Sometimes that happens, and it's really, really unfortunate.

However, I think that there are other experiences and results, and yours doesn't change those.

pippx14 karma

Were there areas of your education that you found exceptionally lacking? I was also homeschooled through high school, and find that in particular, my mathematics, science, and history knowledge are poorer than I would like.

If so, how do you compensate for these lacks? How much self-teaching do you do now as an adult?

socializednoreally29 karma

Absolutely! Let me start with a VERY specific example:

My parents were concerned about me being able to write well. They edited my work regularly and spoke with me about my word choice and so on.

They didn't give a flying flip if I knew the parts of speech. Just did not care at all.

So, I went to public high school (not in 9th grade, 10th), and I could, not to toot my own horn, USE language more accurately than most of my classmates, but I could not identify more than an adjective, noun, and so on. Direct object? Indirect object? I was completely lost.

I spent two weeks miserably doing worksheets and studying, trying to catch up to my classmates in time to pass our initial grammar review test.

I did, and it worked out okay, but I have a very clear memory of sitting in the Cook Out parking lot with my father quizzing me on those damn indirect objects, eating a milkshake and trying not to cry in frustration, completely resenting that NO ONE HAD TAUGHT ME THIS BEFORE. (I think my father needed the Cook Out even more than I did, playing grammar review with a surly teenage girl.)

Give me a few minutes and I'll work on answering your other questions, but rather than turn this into a novel, I figured I'd start there.

somedaymyDRwillcome25 karma

If it's any consolation, I went to public school for kindergarten through 12th grade, and I feel like the only reason I know any parts of speech or grammar is from French class, not English class. Public schools don't always cover this area well, I suppose.

socializednoreally7 karma

YES! I finally got it when I started taking Spanish. I still stop and translate my sentence into (pidgin) Spanish if I'm trying to identify parts of speech sometimes.


I mean, I went to a good public school system, got good grades, went to college and got my English degree, and I would still probably have a tough time with a quiz that focused on really basic parts of speech. To me, the labeling of those parts of speech are tools to help you use language correctly, so learning them after you can already use the language is sort of backwards. Even my high school English teacher, one of the best teachers I've ever had period, sort of shrugged off stuff like that. Honestly, who gives a shit what a gerund is? If you're using them, and using them correctly, it's not imperative that you know what they're called. Sort of like how an athlete doesn't need to know the names of every piece of his own anatomy that he's using.

socializednoreally3 karma

I completely agree, and that's where my parents (one of whom was an English major!) were coming from as well.

Hell, I'm a writer now, and I was an English major too. A lot of my teachers didn't care at all about grammar.

It happened to be a really handy example of the frustration of feeling like the people who were supposed to prepare you dropped the ball, though. There were some other areas, but I learned to take responsibility for my own lack of knowledge and FIX IT.

pinkmelody4 karma

Aren't there online curriculums built to expand the depth and breadth of subjects, and help avoid this problem? No one should have to reinvent the wheel and write all their own curriculum for their kids. Even teachers aren't expected to design everything they teach.

socializednoreally9 karma

There absolutely are. Have you never been in classes where teachers had their own agendas and priorities?

My parents did, actually, spend a little time with me on grammar, but I forgot it.

Besides, this was when the Internet was just becoming a major part of our lives. It was easy to find homeschooling curricula, but mostly it was very religious, and my parents weren't interested in that, so they did a lot more winging it.

joshuabardwell3 karma

There absolutely are. Have you never been in classes where teachers had their own agendas and priorities? My parents did, actually, spend a little time with me on grammar, but I forgot it.

I have to wonder how much of this situation can be attributed to home schooling. I can see that, without a strict curriculum to follow, home schooling is more likely to end up with gaps relative to state curriculum, but lots of high schoolers end up with gaps too--either because a teacher didn't emphasize something, or because it didn't stick.

socializednoreally3 karma

Some states have very specific curriculum requirements for homeschoolers. I enjoy the flexibility of North Carolina's laws, personally.

kent_eh4 karma

the flexibility of North Carolina's laws, personally.

Unfortunately that same flexibility is what also allows the worst of the outcomes we hear about from religious homeschooling.

socializednoreally6 karma

I understand that. There are always tradeoffs. I resent the idea of being penalized for the transgressions of others when public school does no better at stopping abuse and religious misinformation, though - is that not fair?

kent_eh3 karma

public school does no better at stopping abuse and religious misinformation, though

Those who do that are literally breaking the law.

I would still think that some sort of standards ought to be maintained, whether by curriculum based testing or some other method.


/aside: I am pleased that the quality of public schools in my area is high enough that very few people even consider homeschooling for academic reasons.

socializednoreally2 karma

I am really happy for you that the public schools are that good. If I were as confident in the ones around here, my husband and I would be a lot more interested in sending kids to them.

Ljppkgfgs2 karma

Grammar nazi here: being able to identify those things only causes one to be regarded with suspicion or derision.

socializednoreally5 karma

My husband can do it, but only because he had to teach it for five years. I DEFINITELY regard him with suspicion...

CumquatDangerpants2 karma

I went to public school after my private preschool taught me how to read. I HATED this parts of speech and diagramming sentences segments we would do. It made sense when I was taking German, but seemed pointless for English.

socializednoreally2 karma

Fifteen-year-old me feels pretty vindicated. :)

adiboy1017 karma

I was home schooled, and until grade 8 when I went to a public high school I hadn't seen a math English or science textbook. Now I'm a senior, and I have straight As throughout high school and a 33 on the ACT. I don't consider my success in high school to be because I'm exceptionally smart, but rather because I had developed strong rational thinking skills in my time as a home schooler. Everything you learn in high school does not require any prior understanding or prerequisite courses. It's how you use the things you learn and develop good study habits that determines your ability to succeed.

socializednoreally3 karma

That makes complete sense. I was homeschooled for one of my AP English classes and got a 5 without truly studying for it, because I understood how to pick apart the question and figure out what they were really asking me to say.

NaturalisticAsHell13 karma

None of my four children have ever seen the inside of a public or private school. The oldest just graduated from TCU on a scholarship. The reason we did it is because the public education system that my wife and I came up in produced adults who couldn't read or write well. How does that happen?

I don't really like the term secular, but I suppose that's how we could be labeled. I think most people picture homeschool done with super repressive religious viewpoints, complete withdrawal from society, and lacking in a well rounded education. Undoubtedly, that element exists, and that's sad. It's equally sad that public education can produce adults who have deficits in basic educational areas.

I want people to know that it is possible to provide a great education for their children at home. Different kids learn at different rates. Homeschool students are never left behind. They also aren't asked to slow down to the pace of those who need extra help. They are also allowed to learn about things in line with their natural curiosity- none of my children have ever been burned out. We use Khan Academy to supplement our children's education. It's an online school that's free and world class. It virtually guarantees that your child won't be weak in areas that you are...

Do you plan to be a stay at home mom?

Have you explored the options for working at home?

socializednoreally17 karma

Can I flip this AMA and ask you a question? What was the most difficult part of homeschooling your children?

All I wanted for years was to be a SAHM. My mother, with her Master's and her beloved career, was completely confused. My parents were both appalled when I got my AA instead of a BA - they'd drilled it into me long before I was homeschooled that College Was What You Do.

I've enjoyed writing for years, though, and last year I started writing from home and self-publishing. I've built up a nice little career for myself that has actually ended up being significantly more lucrative than my husband's teaching job.

My husband is no longer a teacher, he ghostwrites for me and is our son's primary caregiver.

I partially credit homeschooling with giving me the drive, ambition, and self-directed style that has let me grow this business.

Ouaouaron3 karma

So now you work (from home, I assume) while your husband is a SAHD? That seems like it's pretty much the exact opposite of what you planned. Has that been difficult to adjust to?

socializednoreally3 karma

I do, and it IS the opposite of what we planned. It's a major transition for both of us. There are pros and cons, like everything else, but I think this is going to work out well, at least for a while.

dyingumbrella1 karma

Wow, hearing about your writing opens up a whole new list of questions: could you maybe take a little side alley and tell us how you started writing and getting yourself published? What content/genre do you produce? Thanks :)

socializednoreally4 karma

I write Romance and Erotica.

I'd give you a link, but I mentioned this AMA to my parents. ;)

I do everything on Amazon KDP right now. PM me if you have specific questions.

rawkamole11 karma

What do you feel the overall drawbacks are from homeschooling?

spacepunch20 karma

From my experience as a (mostly secular) homeschooled student: 1) lack of social skill learning 2) huge drain on the parents

Let me expound on #2. It's pretty much a full-time job, especially if you have more than one kid. In our case, my mother spent 15 years as a full-time, stay-at-home parent/teacher, giving up a career in nursing and a second income for the family. She spent a great deal of time & effort selecting curriculum and making sure we kept up with state standards for education (we blew them away of course, lol).

Additionally, I procrastinated big-time. It was like pulling teeth for her to coerce me into doing English composition, and she finally gave up on it. So that strained our relationship.

It's not all sunshine & daisies.

socializednoreally17 karma

This is a fantastic answer. I apologize if I have been coming across as homeschooling being sunshine and daisies.

My mother and I never fought more than the years I was homeschooled. We were together ALL THE TIME, it felt like, and even in a big house, that drove both of us crazy. She gave up a lot of time from her career (she worked from home) and it was definitely a drain, one I really appreciate.

socializednoreally19 karma

That's a really tough, broad question. To me, that's like saying "What are the overall drawbacks of public school?"

I would say that some of my friends had parents who were just plain lousy at teaching them things / setting boundaries, and I found that frustrating even as a kid.

I knew some kids who couldn't read at 9-10 because their parents figured that they'd be ready to learn in their own time, and that seemed ridiculous to me, since I was reading at 4.

On the other hand, once they started to read, they caught up to grade level or beyond within about six months. My husband was a teacher, and had many, MANY students who were reading below grade level and never caught up.

OMFG-TR9 karma

What's a culture shock when you enter public school?

socializednoreally24 karma

Awesome question, thanks.

I was totally unprepared for people to give a rat's ass about what I was wearing.

I hated jeans and wore a lot of long skirts, and was shy, so people kept coming up to me and asking if I were Mormon or Muslim or Amish.

hobnobbinbobthegob8 karma

Follow-up question: Are you you Mormon, Muslim, or Amish?

socializednoreally20 karma

Nope! I'm actually Quaker, although not Christian.

I hesitate to call myself religious, although I do consider myself a Friend, and it's important to me to expose my children to what I consider the core beliefs: Simplicity, charity, kindness, and responsibility.

random_number_string13 karma

How can you be a Quaker/Friend and not be a Christian? That's like saying you're a woman but not a human being.

Also, I'm confused as to what grades you were homeschooled for.

socializednoreally14 karma

Also, no. Not all Quakers consider themselves Christians. I feel uncomfortable saying that I am Christian, because I do not believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God who died for my sins. I do not wish to be dishonest.

I was homeschooled, totally or partly, for 5th - 9th grades.

Waddles778 karma

Hi there, fellow secular homeschooler here. When you told people you were homeschooled, did they automatically assume you were religious? Did you correct them?

socializednoreally22 karma

Haha, yes! Frequently! Or they assumed that I never saw other kids, or so on.

My mother apparently started, at cocktail parties, saying "Well, of course, we keep her in a box in the basement."

How about you?

kormer7 karma

If school vouchers were available to send your child to a private school, do you think you would have been homeschooled, and how would that affect your decision for your own child?

socializednoreally2 karma

That is a REALLY good question. My parents actually seriously considered sending me to a local private school (or two), to the point of sending me for their trial days.

In the end, they decided that they preferred the flexibility that homeschooling gave our family.

That said, if money were not a consideration at all, sure, they might have been more likely to give one a shot. Sounds like human nature to me.

kormer1 karma

Homeschooling is something I'd really like to do for my kids, but it's not really compatible with our careers. The religious schools aren't for us, and the non-religious schools in our area are very good, but also too expensive to send three kids to.

socializednoreally1 karma

I understand that completely. It's a really tough balance. I wish you the best of luck.

Bonanza867 karma

What was your favorite subject whilst being homeschooled?

socializednoreally13 karma

Playing with my dogs. The homeschooler's version of just saying "Recess!"?

More seriously, anything that involved reading and writing. I loved it. Fiction, nonfiction, I didn't really care. When I was 11-12 I had a personal goal to read through the top 100 classics of Western literature. Looking back, I realize that my mother didn't actually have a formal English class or curriculum for me, she just tried to get me to stop making my own for long enough to study other things.

Modus_Pwnen6 karma

Who taught you math? Were you lacking in this area or did your parents teach you? Were there some courses they hired a tutor for?

Edit: used the wrong "there" up their....

socializednoreally10 karma

I actually really enjoy math now, although I resisted it for years.

My mother hired another homeschooling mother as a tutor, since math is not her strong point. I learned math at her kitchen table while I played with her baby (which I found way more interesting than algebra).

I made A's in math in high school and college, although I frequently needed one-on-one tutoring to understand it. I'm social and kinesthetic and find it very difficult to learn math from someone standing at a board (or from a video). I finally learned that spending the money on an hour or two of a local grad student sitting with me and pointing out what I was doing wrong was WAY better than spending eight times as long trying to puzzle through it for myself.

I participated in a TON of extra-curriculars. When I was in public school, my mother had me in maaaaybe one outside class at a time, because she felt that that + school hours didn't give me enough time to just be a kid. When I was homeschooled, I completed my academic work very efficiently and she knew I needed the time outside the house, so I did a lot more.

Over the years, I did acting several different places, swimming, soccer (I was SO BAD.), arts and crafts, living history (costumes!), pottery, and way more.

Does that answer your questions?

lapekes6 karma

What if your son wanted to play sports?

Don't children need to be in a traditional school for that?

I just don;t recall any homeschooled children playing on any of my teams with me.

socializednoreally11 karma

Actually, I knew of several sports teams of homeschoolers around me. I could have played soccer, basketball, volleyball, and maybe baseball as a homeschooler if I'd wanted to, competing against other homeschoolers and against traditional public and private schools.

If my son wants to play a sport that wasn't available as a homeschooler, he and his father and I would have to have a serious conversation about priorities and whether or not it was worth it to him to go to public school for that opportunity.

lapekes3 karma

Had no idea!!

Thanks for the response!

socializednoreally2 karma


Your question made me look it up - I won't say that the homeschooling sports opportunities are HUGE, but they're not non-existent, either. I also knew a lot of homeschooled kids who played sports casually with their friends.

FriendsOfWoody6 karma

Not OP, but you make enough stink and the schoolboard will cave. They almost always do.

I remember a homeschooled guy on our h.s. cross country team.

Ouaouaron3 karma

I remember a homeschooled guy on our h.s. cross country team.

I was just about to say the same exact thing. Now I'm going to be wondering if there's a correlation between cross country and homeschooling.

socializednoreally2 karma

Independent people who enjoy the outdoors? Maybe. ;)

the6crimson6fucker62 karma

how many of your clients homeschooled their kid out of religious reasons?

socializednoreally2 karma

I'm afraid I don't know what you mean by clients - would you mind clarifying?

the6crimson6fucker61 karma

sorry, got this wrong, i thought your a homeschooling teacher (english isn't my first language)

socializednoreally2 karma

Oh, not a problem.

Just to clarify:

  • I was homeschooled for five years.

  • My husband taught public school for five years.

The lengths of time were a total coincidence. I did not meet my husband until I was in college and he was finishing up his Master's.

naturalgoats2 karma

Hi! I'm also a secular homeschooler from Western North Carolina. Do you mind if I ask what part of the state you're from? Wondering if we ever crossed paths...

socializednoreally2 karma

I was homeschooled in Durham and live there again now. :)

naturalgoats1 karma

Aww :( Still, nice to meet you! Interesting to hear other experiences and perspectives!

socializednoreally1 karma

Absolutely! Thanks!

SL0P31 karma

Do you think the influences your parents had on you pushed you torwards marrying an older person(assuming he is because he has a masters and taught for 5 years

I was a homeschooled kid, but started college extremely early(see barely 14). I hate to see people who think they need to send their children to high school. Why do you think it is neccisary to send them to highschool?

socializednoreally1 karma

I'm a little confused by your first question. What do you mean, which influences my parents had on me?

ye_olde_throw1 karma

Did your parents teach New World Creationism in your home schooling? Did your parents teach Evolution and/or the Big Bang? Did you have science books with pictures of Jesus riding on dinosaurs in them?

socializednoreally17 karma


I cannot make that clearer.

My middle school science textbooks were actually slightly-out-of-date college books. My mother would go to local thrift stores and buy a four or five year old textbook for a dollar, and explain to me that, while science may have moved forward since the book was published, that will always be the case, and we could rely on these for a solid grounding in the basics.

She used those, plus classes taught by local grad/PhD students (from Duke and UNC-CH - so not exactly sloucher schools), plus videos and worksheets she found online, to educate me in science.

She occasionally purchased age-appropriate Jesus-free textbooks from a local homeschooling store, but generally stuck to the college-level books.

ye_olde_throw1 karma

age-appropriate Jesus-free textbooks

I love this line. Thanks for the reply, and very interesting.

socializednoreally3 karma

Haha, glad you liked it!

I do not want to falsely represent my science education: It was okay. It was not great. There are still concepts I'm not 100% clear on that are generally taught in middle school, even after going through high school and science college classes.

For example, when my son asks me what a rainbow is, I'll have to say "Uh... Light does something with rain? It refracts? I don't know, kiddo, let's go look it up together!"

However, I don't know if you'd get a solid answer the majority of the time if you stopped an average 100 people on the street.

I don't resent my parents for that. You can lead a kid to knowledge, but you can't make them think. I simply wasn't interested in science for a long time. I am now, and I'm starting to make headway on catching up on the stuff I ignored as a kid.

My parents bought me a microscope, made me go to science classes, really tried to give me every opportunity to succeed there - it just wasn't something that appealed to me until I was in college.

Sound fair? :)

unsubsamantix1 karma

How do you feel about Rebecca Selfon?

socializednoreally1 karma

I had to look them up. Do you mean Rebecca Sealfon? Sounds like she wants to be left alone. :)