Let me just get a couple things straight:

-Location: I'm not getting anymore specific than I live near Toronto, Canada.

-Account name: This is a throwaway account I have had for a little while now and when I made it I never planned on uploading pictures of my balls. The name is related to my past (and admittedly illegal) psychedelic use. I have since discontinued ANY ILLEGAL DRUG USE. Other than alcohol I have not used anything in months. The name is a reference to magic mushrooms. Mushrooms can be found in some gardens. Gandalf is magic. Simple.






Comments: 1333 • Responses: 97  • Date: 

kansas11111 karma

I know who this is....Here's how: 1) Lives [in]/near Toronto, Canada 2) Used to use psychedelic drugs 3) Denies current illegal drug use in ALL CAPS 4) Repeatedly denies drug use "anything in months" except alcohol 5) Has 3 testicles

TL;DR this must be Rob Ford, Mayor of Toronto

EDIT: HOLY SHIT! I get home to Reddit Gold, +900 internet points, and 14 messages. Thanks Rob!

GardenofGandalf483 karma

Shiiit! You found me out!

jtstarfox632 karma


GardenofGandalf433 karma

Theres a few of us, we should form a league!

iamtehlink120 karma

There are literally dozens of us!

GardenofGandalf46 karma

An army to be awoken!

whasupjohn87 karma

Extra large athletic protectors required.

GardenofGandalf62 karma


HandsomeTurtles372 karma

Do you know /u/doubledickdude?


are YOU also /u/doubledickdude?

GardenofGandalf271 karma

Nope and nope. Sorry!

purplepooters337 karma

I bet if you auctioned the third one Lance Armstrong would pay big.

GardenofGandalf238 karma

I know. Id maybe go for $20 000

Floormaster84332 karma

At what point did you say i better have a doctor tell me its not cancer?

GardenofGandalf365 karma

When I was a small child.

Floormaster84123 karma

Thanks for the reply, follow up. Have you ever had a hormone test done to see if you produce more testosterone than the average joe?

GardenofGandalf198 karma

No I havent but as you probably noticed I am not very hairy ahah.

heyfgt285 karma

Have you ever considered naming them Alvin, Simon, and Theodore? Which one would be Alvin?

GardenofGandalf257 karma

Alvin is the right one, theo the left, simon the middle.

Cloud_Keeper129 karma

Wait.. Your right or my right?

GardenofGandalf150 karma

My right

Infected_Cunt_Wart272 karma

Any issues with running? Also, and most important, when it's hot out do all 3 stick to your legs or just two leaving the 3rd hanging like a little meatball pendulum?

GardenofGandalf224 karma

All three. Two to the left, one to the right.

IAmTheTrueWalruss193 karma

Do you have a nickname for the almighty tri-sack? The trinity? Three musketeers? Threes -a-company?

GardenofGandalf315 karma

The trinity is my favourite so far..

GroceryPants442 karma

Trifecticles? The Three Nutskateers? Ballverly Hills Cop lll? Never mind that last one. You're The Juggernutt, bitch!

GardenofGandalf102 karma

Hahah awesome!

katzali67 karma

The Bermuda Triangle?

GardenofGandalf42 karma

Thats a good one!

jonny_nutsack157 karma

Dude. I feel like you could get so much ass because of this. You'd bashfully tell a female friend "would a girl find it weird if they saw a dude had 3 balls?" they'd go yeah... why?

Then you'd say "...cuz my friend".

Then, their curiosity would grow, until they can't take it any longer and go, "Gandalf, show me your goods!" Then you'd be like, " Behold my ballz!"

GardenofGandalf76 karma

Hahaha that would be awesome!

heyfgt139 karma

Do you have a favorite?

GardenofGandalf224 karma

Right one is the most normal.

NarstyHobbitses198 karma

Which is the fun, easygoing one?

GardenofGandalf230 karma

The middle one I think.

Angry_Ohm85 karma

What about poor old lefty?

GardenofGandalf402 karma

Eh he gets by

sunnysidemegg121 karma

Are you type A (all three testicles fully functional, connected to a vas deferencs) or type B (no connection to vas deferens)?

What's a typical reaction from a partner? from doctors or nurses?

GardenofGandalf144 karma

I wanna say type B, but I'm not really sure. I've had the same doctor forever, and he's known for a long time, so there isnt much a reaction. No friends or partners even know.

sunnysidemegg69 karma

Thanks for replying - I didn't know it was possible. Now I'm going to wonder if a partner who's touchy about his balls is actually very sensitive or maybe hoping I won't notice something. J/k. Sort of.

GardenofGandalf56 karma

Haha yeah I know. I guess ill just rock it and see what happens.

sunnysidemegg50 karma

I would think the reaction would be similar to what you see here - curiosity, a few questions, I can't imagine it'd be negative.

GardenofGandalf74 karma

Yeah I hope so. *girl throws up

hollerforapoopdollar33 karma

So, have you not had any sexual experiences before? Or did they just not notice?

GardenofGandalf57 karma

Ive dabbled. Nobody has noticed. It wasnt that intense.

bossgalaga88 karma

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I have to ask...how old are you?

(Not that everybody needs to lose their virginity before 18, but um, I need to know I just looked at legal balls if I was gonna look at balls at all this afternoon)

GardenofGandalf64 karma

Haha yes I am 18. March 15 birthday.

sunnysidemegg4 karma

Maybe start with dating girls who have taken anatomy? Or, even better, with a nursing background? After you've wiped poop off an old dude's massive balls, 3 in a totally normal looking sac would be just cute.

Seriously, though, I'd just think it's quirky and different - can't see any of my friends getting too freaked out, either.

GardenofGandalf6 karma

Haha thanks for the comment! Nice knowing whats going on in other people's heads...

armidilo01118 karma

Does the term "balling" have a different meaning to you?

GardenofGandalf207 karma

Whenever I hear someone say it I turn my head to see if that person was talking to me.

vivi33108 karma

Are you like, the bravest guy in the world?

GardenofGandalf90 karma

Not sure I did anything that astounding?

laughingbuildsabs73 karma

But now whenever someone says to you, "wow you've got balls", you can be like, "yes. three of them, to be exact."

GardenofGandalf43 karma


BillFireCrotchWalton108 karma

How many people know about this? Close friends? Relatives? Siblings? What were their reactions? Initial reactions from sexual partners?

GardenofGandalf185 karma

Literally three people. Doctor, mom, dad.

suckonthisx102 karma

Has a girl ever put all three in her mouth?!

GardenofGandalf138 karma

Unfortnately not yet;-)

Tarron100 karma

why did you want to show your genitals onto a random forum like reddit?

You said in your first post "Finally I turned 18" or something like this. Which showed a general excitement.

Was you excited to show your private parts out? I know it's funny, but were you in general excited?

GardenofGandalf279 karma

Ahaha I just know reddit would go crazy over my balls!

RedHotChiliPenguins69 karma

TFW I know people love my balls and want to know more about them.

GardenofGandalf45 karma

Haha darnit!

ka-splam37 karma

When tomorrow comes, roughly how much will you feel of the following:

  • Relief that people know
  • Regret for posting pictures at all
  • Wishing you'd posted more
  • Shame that you took dong photos with a dirty mirror


GardenofGandalf63 karma

Im kinda neutral on the fact that thousands of people have seen my balls, and no shame!

Just2bad89 karma

Reminds me of an old joke. A guy has three balls and wants to make some money. So he goes into a bar and bet a guy that between them they have five balls. So they go into the bathroom and the other guy drops his pants and says, here's mine, lets see your four.

GardenofGandalf14 karma


onlyincontext83 karma

Three is my lucky number. Did that factor into your ball count?

GardenofGandalf78 karma


Frumundaman83 karma

Have you ever wished you had a different number of testicles? I mean, 2 has gotten pretty stale for me. Do you ever dream of like, 4.5 testicles? Or even 4.6?

GardenofGandalf104 karma

Im thinking right now and although this is interesting 2 would be prime.

mdinneed82 karma

Have you thought about doing porn?

GardenofGandalf177 karma

Yes but no

unanything62 karma

How do you not get testicular torsion?

GardenofGandalf174 karma

I careful

pinkelephants51261 karma

do you think that time is linear or cyclical?

GardenofGandalf55 karma

I like to think it is cyclical

nubbler2460 karma

GardenofGandalf22 karma

Hahah yes!

r_a_g_s57 karma

Curious if you've had a sperm count test to see if all the plumbing works. (Might be worth doing at some point before the possibility of marriage rears its fertile head.)

And, of course, there's that Monty Python sketch....

GardenofGandalf71 karma

I'm yet to have any testing done. I'm starting to think it would be a good idea though!

r_a_g_s40 karma

For sure. If it works, you'll know in case you find Ms. Right. If it doesn't work, at least you'll be prepared. (My brother only has 2 balls, but he got mumps at age 6 — pre-mumps-vaccine days — and found out later once he got "active" that he's been shooting blanks ever since. Pros and cons, but it was good to know for sure.)

GardenofGandalf51 karma

Personally I would like to be fertile

Gray_Fedora55 karma

The good part is his deep manly voice. The bad part is he needs a beach towel for a spuge rag.

GardenofGandalf21 karma


Electa50 karma

Have you ever compared how much you ejaculate to another man? Would you say less or more?

GardenofGandalf41 karma

Nope I have not

MuslimSlaughter44 karma

If you give them a squeese, which one hurts the most?

GardenofGandalf164 karma

The leftest one. It's the weirdest.

HandsomeTurtles43 karma

Pretty Ballsy to post this if you ask me

sorry had to

Question: how do partners generally react?

GardenofGandalf46 karma

Haha none have found out. I'm not gonna go say I've been with many though...because I haven't.

HAWTITS36 karma

I will respect you when you get three chicks to suck each nut at the same time.

GardenofGandalf71 karma

Apparently I'm yet to get your respect:(

NegroConFuego36 karma

Did this joke go over your head when you first saw it, or did you always know that you had one more scrote than what's considered "normal"?

GardenofGandalf23 karma

Hahah ive known since people started making nut jokes!

Filthy7Tiarra28 karma

Do you battle fear of rejection or teasing while dating?

Have you tried/thought of getting one removed?

Is that even a possibility? (Questions of the female mind)

GardenofGandalf42 karma

Ive thought of getting one removed, sometimes I think of fear and rejection but then realise I could probably play it right. I'm sure it is a possibility.

thedorkygirl57 karma

Unless there is a medical reason, I don't think you need to remove any to feel better about yourself. It's not a big deal, honestly, more like novelty. And if my boyfriend had three balls, all my girlfriends would know, because I would brag

GardenofGandalf15 karma

Yeah I probably wont to be honest...but knowing its an option...

reddking45 karma

Dude, no. You have three fucking balls. That is awesome. That would pretty much be my opening line if I were you. You're only 18, so you've probably got a lot of experiences ahead of you, and I don't think you're going to see any negative responses to that. Best of luck, man!

GardenofGandalf14 karma

Haha thank you:)

kngadwhmy25 karma


GardenofGandalf26 karma

Nope but I might this year? I'm not too old yet!

TheSmartestMan66 karma

Wait a second... I just looked at your balls. How fucking old are you?

GardenofGandalf31 karma

Just 18

you_fucking_cunts18 karma

Is the bounciness a problem when you go for a jog? Also have you ever worn spandex at the beach?

GardenofGandalf20 karma

The bounciness isnt really an issue with the right underwear and I can't say i've ever worn spandex at the beach...

-Skadegladje-15 karma

How bad does it hurt to get kicked in the balls?

GardenofGandalf23 karma

Pretty bad just like anybody

RedHotChiliPenguins15 karma

Obviously your parents and probably close family are aware. Is it solid joke material within the family circle? You don't seem to be sensitive to the issue.

GardenofGandalf30 karma

My parents know but they have never joked about it.

tipsjt12 karma

Do you like that you have 3 testicles or is it a bit of a problem to you ?

GardenofGandalf17 karma

Id rather just have 2 tbh

Rhapsody_In_Black11 karma


GardenofGandalf27 karma

I got a lot of rewuests for this ama.

PairofDoctors11 karma

Do they affect your confidence with girls at all? It doesn't look like they'd even notice it truthfully

GardenofGandalf20 karma

No it hasnt. Im just scared if maybe one did find out...

Stryke_RG11 karma

Would you mind donating the extra to James LaBrie or Roger Hodgson?

GardenofGandalf19 karma

For $20 000

RedHotChiliPenguins10 karma

Has any classy lady had the pleasure of fitting all three in her mouth?

GardenofGandalf12 karma

Nope nobody has had the pleasure...

bandito52809 karma

Does your dad also have 3 balls?

GardenofGandalf15 karma

Dont think so?

da_mudda_FNG7 karma

Have you given them names? And if not, I think it's time...

GardenofGandalf10 karma

I think we could maybe do a vote:

BruschiOnTap7 karma


GardenofGandalf10 karma

Its like a pressure washer

Consideritsketched5 karma

Are they all the same size and function the same? And if so, do they require any extra "attention?"

GardenofGandalf11 karma

The rightest is a bit bigger. They dont require extra attention.

HokutoNoChen4 karma

So what's the big deal? Why can't you just surgically remove one? Should be simple as hell.

GardenofGandalf3 karma

I could and I might

csminiman2 karma

When you cum to you have the biggest load e.g do they all function

GardenofGandalf10 karma

Not sure if they all function or not...and I don't think my load is that big...

[deleted]8 karma


GardenofGandalf11 karma

Haha no

Zombies_hate_ninjas2 karma

Holy shit you're also Canadian. Somehow I see this as our new secret super weapon.

Other than being more masculine than every other man by default, what other super powers do you have? Can you control your erection like Brock Sampson?

GardenofGandalf10 karma

I can punch people with my boner.

casual_shoggoth2 karma

What deity would you choose to sacrifice a ball to, if you were to sacrifice a ball?

GardenofGandalf6 karma


Thereswaldo1012 karma

Do you get 1.5 times the amount of satisfaction i get when i unstuck my balls from my thigh?

GardenofGandalf6 karma

Yes but it comes with 50% more discomfort...

me_know_more2 karma

Have you named them yet?

If not, are you open to suggestions?

My fav: The Three Nuteteers

GardenofGandalf4 karma

Thats definetly going in the hat


Can you outdue a peter north blast?

GardenofGandalf2 karma

Maybe if I dont blow for a month!

SherrickM1 karma

Since Im sure you'll be asked tons of questions about your balls, I'll leave that out. What are your favorite authors? bands? What's your ideal afternoon activity if you have no pressing matters?

GardenofGandalf2 karma

I like EDM just because I love to jump and dance! I really like Avicii! I love to play sports and team fortress is my fav game right now.

SherrickM1 karma

what sports do you play? I can't imagine you on a swim team, for instance. ;)

GardenofGandalf1 karma

Haha nope. Hockey, soccer and I run

Werner__Herzog1 karma

Are you a lefty or a righty?

GardenofGandalf3 karma


stackablesoup1 karma

Hi, long time listener, first time calling... I have a few questions.

  • Have you ever been in a situation where you've wanted two instead of three?
  • Has it ever affected you personal /sexual life? You should try bring it up, you may not seem as sexually active as /u/doubledickdude but you should try it on some girls!
  • Do you come more ejaculate than a normal person?
  • Do they happen to clack more?
  • Have you ever been hit in the balls and how much did it hurt?
  • Who else knows about them?

Thanks and sorry for all the questions!

GardenofGandalf1 karma

Id rather have 2. They do clack sometimes. Im working on getting more out there and hooefully that will result in more sexual activity. I have been hit and it really hurts! My parents and doctor know about them.

stackablesoup1 karma

Why would you rather have 2? I'd strut around like a wild tri-balled peacock, girls like that shit, or at least interested in it! Hell, I'd fuck doubledickdude just to see what it'd be like and that's what I'm talking about!

And good luck on the getting out there more often!

GardenofGandalf1 karma

Hhaa thank you!

PolarBearITS1 karma

How noticeable is it when you're "getting down" with a woman? What reactions have you gotten when they found out?

GardenofGandalf1 karma

None yet:(

rushravine1 karma

Has a girl ever wanted to bone you just because you have 3 balls?

GardenofGandalf1 karma

None even know.

hollerforapoopdollar1 karma

This isn't a question, more like a recommendation..

Show everyone (IRL) your balls. You'll be the man, and I'm sure you'll pull pussy. I had a buddy with GIANT balls, and he constantly whipped them out. Chicks loved them, dudes laughed everytime(not at, with)

Do it.

GardenofGandalf4 karma

Haha maybe I will. The only thing is, they look pretty normal, so I would have to go "hey guys guess who has three ball" and gather everyone in a circle to look.

hollerforapoopdollar1 karma

Make it a bet or something funny..

When you hear someone talking about their balls (my balls are so big, etc) say something like, "bitch please, I've got enough to feed a small family" and whip those bad boys out. Don't waste this opportunity, bro. Sooner > later.

GardenofGandalf3 karma

Yeah for like 100$!

zukalop1 karma

Fellow Canadian!

So can you ride a bike?

GardenofGandalf2 karma

Yes I love riding my bicycle!

Infinity___Now1 karma

Do you think getting hit in the balls would hurt more or less without a third testical?

Is the third one functional?

GardenofGandalf3 karma

It probably hurts more. I'm not sure if they all work. I would think at least one does.