I am Bruce Lane, professional entertainment driver for 37 years (and now driving the reddit bus tour) AMA!

Bruce Lane, has anyone worked out your secret identity as Ratman yet?

not yet keep on building it

Hi Bruce. Nice and toasty here in back :)

Just kick back, relax, read the funnies and count the monies.

Are you redditing and driving??

Edit: oh my god Alexis just talked to me. We're best friends now.

Alexis here: No, he's driving while I read the questions and type the answers.

Hi Bruce, long time listener first time caller. What would you say is the most annoying thing about /u/kn0thing? Are most of your Bruce-isms made up on the spot, or are they one's you've been using for years? Do you have a favorite one to say?

He loses his wallet daily.

Most of them have been accumulated over the years. Just gotta wait for the right situation to plug them in.

"Every days a good day, if you don't believe me, just miss one."

Do you eat mac and cheese with a fork or spoon?

Fork. People who eat it with a spoon probably have a lack of balance.

When are you gonna let Joe drive the bus?

Today.

Does u/kn0thing just clean-up on college campuses? And does he at least have the courtesy to hang a laptop charger or something on the bus door?

Hehe. No, Alexis couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a pocket full of hundred dollar bills.

Any crazy fans try to sneak on the buses? And why did you turn down Kanye West?

That happens. Not on this tour. We were in Lincoln, NE and there was a guy (I forget who we were on tour) he was trying to slip on the bus, but he had some shitty credentials and he was busted. It's never hot women doing it -- they don't need to sneak on the bus.

I turned down Kanye to go on the reddit bus.

On a Scale of 1-10 how aware are you that your name sounds like Bruce Wayne?

10.

How do you deal with driving in a big city with crowded streets (like NYC)? I have a hard enough time with my car, and I can't imagine doing it with a giant bus. What are your insider tips?

We have a saying in our business that "size of the vehicle determines the right of way." You just have to be on your toes. Anticipate other drivers, especially in bigger cities. You'll get yourself in a bind in a hurry. Boston and Chicago are both pretty tough to drive in because they're both old cities, with limited access for commercial vehicles throughout and they're both crowded.

Bruce Lee! You're dead though...

Edit: Facepalm.

Uhhh. Whats the worst accident you've ever been in?

I haven't had any too bad ones. The only accident that I really remember was this one time in Lincoln, NE. There was a car in front of me, snow everywhere, I went to take off, she stopped, and I caught her taillight. I really haven't been in any other accidents. Feel pretty lucky. knocks on wood

Wow. I would think someone who drives a car for a living would have been in some major accidents. Then again someone who drives a car for a living is probably a lot better at driving than I am. Much respect, thank you for answering.

I have been extremely blessed when it comes to driving. Hopefully the rest of my days will be safe sleding as well I'll keep praying Thanks for the great question

Can you estimate how many gallons of old fashioneds Joe has downed on the tour so far?

I don't know how many he's snuck, but I'd say he's probably drank a couple of gallons.

What tricks do you use while driving to deal with boredom, sleepiness and general uncomfortableness.

You drink a lot of coffee, talk to yourself, try to answer yourself.

That and freebase.

How long would it take to get the bus up to 88 MPH?

Depends on what the terrain is. 3 or 4 minutes on flat ground.

What's the worst weather you've had to drive through, and how did you get through it? Same questions, but what's the worst terrain? Also: how the hell does one drive in snow? I live in NC so we just had a depressing taste of what happens when a bunch of people don't know how to drive on ice/snow. Also: favorite stop on the WTP bus tour? And why?

Worst weather I went through was back in 1979 up around Lafayette, IN. It was probably 12-15" of snow. The roads were covered. The National Guard shut the highway down and they were on snowmobiles helping people out of their cars.

We ended up getting off an exit and found a hotel. And there was a guy who had a load of beer from Milwaukee who got stranded as well. It was so cold, they told him to "take the top layer off" and we didn't let that beer go to waste. We had no choice but to drink it all. There were a bunch of college girls stranded at the hotel there, too. It was a real good time.

Worst terrain is on Highway 89 going out of Utah. It's just a windy 2 lane highway coming down this pass, deer running everywhere, it's just a steep-ass tough drive.

How do you drive in snow? Very carefully.

My favorite stop was UNC. Great bunch of people who showed us a good time. And then the fact that Asa got challenged by a girl to pushups in a bar (they tied).

From Purdue, can confirm that weather here is crazy.

thats mother nature . Like the mailman rain, snow, sleet, we gotta go

If all the artists you've done tours with, which was the most unexpectedly wild?

That's a tough question because sometimes it not the artist, it's the entourage. Most of the artists would end up in tabloids and shit, they're pretty secluded so you don't see them out and about. I'd say Jethro Tull. Back in the day, those guys were party maniacs.

If you could drive anybody you wanted to around for the rest of your life, Who would it be?

Warren Buffett.

Alexis commentary here: It did not take him more than a second to come up with that answer.

Hi Bruce, what's it like to be a multi-millionaire, protector of the people of Gotham and also, where did you get that fine suit from?

it's good, I just like to have the millions.

Bruce, you are the wise uncle I never had. I wish we were related. What's some advice you'd give to a young lady who's feeling a little directionless in life, in terms of career and love? Lay some knowledge on me.

Also, can I do a documentary on you? Being stuck on the side of the road for 12 hours doesn't count.

Do what you love. Chase what you love. And then, love will come if you let it.

Sure.

12 hrs on the side of the road? (Just realized who you are) We can start there!

There's a rumor going around you wanted to curb stomp a N.O. hotel employee for accusing you of not knowing how to work magnetic keycards. True or False?

That's true.

It's been said that Willie Nelson can outsmoke /u/Here_Comes_The_King, just how much weed did Willie smoke?

I don't know if Willie knows how much he's smoked. Garbage cans full, I'd say.

I never asked him ,but I know that he smoke a bushel basket full on the roof of the white house . when he was invited there by President Jimmy Carter

[deleted]

Some of the memorable things are when you see fatalities on the highways.

I was in Florida for example -- remember when Firestone had the tire problem? -- I was going across Alligator Alley and there was an Explorer that passed us and blew one of the tires out. Flipped over on its top, right in front of us.

We ended up getting out and there was family in there, 5 people, and we got two kids out and the wife. And the father -- his foot was wedged in the floorboard of the vehicle -- we got him out, too. The mother-in-law was in the back, dead.

You never forget things like that.

Someone told me later that the family was on 60 Minutes in a story about that tire problem.

Prevost or MCI?

I have to say driving a Setra after MCI was quite the change.

How are your driving requirements different than mine were as a charter driver?

Prevost.

They're basically the same driving requirements, just a different crowd in the back. In this case, a bunch of nerds.

Do you like bananas?

Yeah I like bananas. They're good for you.

Wow, The Captain And Tennille. Those must have been some wild times. Who pulled in the most tail?

They were really conservative times. They were really laid back and didn't do anything extreme. It was a real husband + wife crowd.

How exactly did you "get in" with driving for celebrities and such?

I ask because I do personal chauffeur and sometimes valet services, driving is something I consider second nature (I'm still a conscientious driver though).

I was at the right place at the right time. The place I went to, that's what they did. Back in the 70s it was regulated business by the government. This company had the authority to haul 'theatrical' - I think that's what it was - and that's how I got into it.

What kinda license do you have? Because you really need a Class A license to get into it.

Who has been the worst offender/offensive breaker of the no turds in the toilet rule in your 36 years?

Also, who gets hit with the charges if your bus is pulled over and the passengers have drugs?

I don't know who did it, but it was on one of the crew buses last summer on Alan Jackson's tour. No one fessed up to it.

Never happened. Probably me. I really don't know anybody that's happened to. Maybe Willie Nelson's bus got busted once. It was all a misdemeanor….

Why do you drive, Bruce?

To get a different shot of scenery every day. The scenery is always changing and it beats working in an office looking out the window.

How was navigating through the small streets of balcksburg, VA?? Go hokies!

That was pretty easy compared to Georgetown and New Orleans.

Alexis note: Wahoowah

[deleted]

No. Never did.

Have you fully recovered from Brian and Jack's departure from the tour?

We haven't found any hidden treasures since you left.

Where can one find the best lot lizards?

I don't chase 'em, so I don't know.

Hey thanks for doing this. Curious: What is the absolute worst/most stupid driving move you have ever witnessed someone make on the road?

I had a guy that was driving the wrong way on the interstate one night at 3am, coming head on at ya, at 60mph, definitely gave me that crazy feeling. I moved over, he missed me, I don't even know if he was awake, or sleeping or what it was the wee hours of the morning.

We called 911 to report it and it'd already been reported. The things people do...

Omg. Crazy.

all aboard

I vote that the #WTPbook tour should end with you and /u/jisforjoe in a bus-off. I don't know how drag racing works but I bet it'd be pretty sweet.

I think that's a great idea. If you supply Joe's bus, we'll ride.

Hey Bruce! What's the most beautiful/stunning thing you've seen in your travels? Also, I saw you guys in Middletown CT. It was a great time.

The most beautiful/stunning thing I've seen in my travels? Man, I'd say the Grand Canyon. Took a helicopter ride in it and just thought it was amazing… formed over all these years… really beautiful.

Do you have a favorite song to listen to, while you drive?

Toby Keith's I'll Never Smoke Weed With Willie Again

Is there a list somewhere on the internet where I can read all your witty one-liners of wisdom? "Slicker-than-deer-guts-on-a-shotgun-barrell"

Not yet.

Alexis note: this man needs a book deal. Follow Bruce on twitter @Bruce_Bus

So when I see a bus like yours on the road, how do I tell if it's a bus filled with celebrities and debauchery, rather than a bus filled with tourists?

I often see big rigs like that in town aligning with a rockstar, and I got excited, but then it turned out to be a bunch of people from Japan. Not that they aren't rockstar worthy, but they sure weren't headlining a show!

Save me from future disappointments, Bruce!

Most of the tour buses are the 54 seat capacity and you can tell by the windows if they're upright seats or not.

Tour buses will have the closed in sides for the bunk/privacy areas.

What's your favorite stretch of road that you enjoy driving on, and try to hit while on tours?

The stretch of road that runs along the Columbia River in Oregon -- Oregon State Route 84 -- it runs for a couple hundred miles, beautiful scenery.

Did you hit it on this tour, or did /u/kn0thing and /u/jisforjoe deny you that pleasure?

They denied me that pleasure.

…

Is that Michael?

As a former La Grande resident, this makes me happy to hear

That is a beautiful road 1 of the best in america congrats you know what I'm talking about

The gorge is beautiful. Terrifying in the winter, though.

in this business you can't be a fair weather driver Bus driving ain't for sissies

How many people have thrown up in the ride?

Too many. (not because of car sickness, but because of over serving themselves -- not on this tour, though)

Who was the craziest band you drive around and why?

The Doobies, simply because I was with them a long time. The more you're with somebody the more things happen.

In the day, the Doobies probably had one of the best followings of beautiful women of all the bands.

Did they just pay you retainer, or did it just work out to tour with them so long?

I work for a company that contracts you. So they'd be on a 9 month tour and when the tour was over, I did another tour for 3 months before they went back out.

How did you get introduced to the bus industry driving for all these famous folks? How'd it all start?

What band/group has been the most interesting to drive and who would you like to drive next?

How do you find free time to do what you want? What do you do?

How often are you on the road throughout the year? Do you get to see your friends and family often?

Just being a part of it. It's networking. You work with different people and companies.

The most interesting band I ever worked for was called Skillet. They're a Christian rock band who I'd never heard of, but they're a really awesome band that's been around since the mid 90s. We played this outdoor venue in PA, and it was sold out -- like 10k people, I couldn't believe it. They partied pretty hard. Especially their crew guys.

I think Sheryl Crow would be a fun chick. I'd like to tour with her next.

Did the Doobie Brothers live up to their name? Did they share?

You know, despite name, they were really not big druggies. Tommy was kinda the guy that wrote all the songs back in the day and he actually was on heroin and was booted out of the band for a period of time -- went through rehab and ended up coming back.

Most entertainers will share.

Who has the smellier farts? Joe or Alexis?

The honest answer would be I don't know. But I think the consensus is Alexis leads the parade.

Hey what's the craziest thing a famous person has done on your bus? Groupies? Parties?

Craziest thing? Well, a lot of that happens behind me so I probably missed it. Big parties, mostly -- some of the people you think would be the tamest or the quietest, well, once they get out, they let their hair down.

At a first glance I thought this said Bruce Lee

now try it with your eyes opened

Hey Bruce,

Since you have probably seen a good portion of the states from doing so much driving, what have been your favorite places in the USA? Longest road trip?

Thanks for the AMA, I'll be sure to say Hi when you stop in Athens OH!!

Seattle is one of my favorite places. Portland. Northwest, I kinda favor it.

My longest road trip has probably been 13-14 months. I was gonna go home for Christmas but I couldn't get out of LA so I ended up staying there.

What's it like being Batman?

Awesome.

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?

I'd say the small ones. I think you have a better opportunity of winning against 100 duck-sized horses. I'd run them over with the bus.

Hi Bruce! I had dinner with you when you came to UMD. I remember Alexis said that you had some stories that you simply couldn't tell us at the time--do you remember what those stories were?

Also, what is the craziest thing that's happened with this crew?

Craziest thing ever on your bus?

The craziest thing on this tour was our night in Times Square. I thought that was a pretty good night. It involved a t-shirt cannon from the roof of the bus.

One of the craziest things I've seen was a crew one time that had some game they were playing, like where if something happened you to take a shot. It started out when we left the venue and then a little while later when I stopped to get fuel I looked back and a good 6 guys were passed out laid out all over the back of the bus. I don't know what that game was. It was pretty loud for a couple of hours and then boom. Everyone was done. On the floor. Everywhere.

Alexis note: Bruce also told us that 'what happens on the bus, stays on the bus' for his celeb clients so we can't get all the details of the juiciest stuff until he retires….

Hi Bruce did you know anything about Reddit before the tour?

Nope. Never heard of it before, saw it on the bus.

Hello Mr. Lane - thanks for this AMA.

1.) Did you have to take any specialized driving courses (maybe something similar to a more practical stunt driver)?

2.) What is the most unique maneuver you've done while driving with a client? Is there anything that stands out?

Thanks again!

1) No, I'm self-taught.

2) Just 70mph swerves when someone cuts you off or something. The old Eagle buses were built different and they were more responsive. You could go down the road and if you moved the steering wheel a certain way, you could roll them out of the bunk. If you had someone on the bus that pissed you off, wait til they went to sleep then roll em out of the bed.

Bruce, thanks for doing the AMA. What is the most unique thing about the WTP tour you are on now? What is the craziest Asa story you have from WTP? Keep it going strong Alexis and go 'Skins! (Hopefully Alexis recognizes this user name!)

It's pretty laid back compared to most tours.

The best Asa story on this tour was him meeting [redacted] in Vegas and then again in LA. After seeing her, we realized who got the better end of that deal ([redacted]).

i actually mistook your name for Bruce lee ... i don't suppose that happens to you a lot?

It does. Yeah.

Does your bus have wireless internet? Cuz it be hard to reddit without that Another question, ever had someone have sex while you drive..... And then join them and high five the guy? Thanks

We have wireless and all the goodies of life. I am sure that many have had sex on the road while we are at a full tilt boogie