IAmA 33 year old guy born without arms or legs, AMA again!

Have you ever placed yourself motionless facedown somewhere until enough people are around you that havent seen you get yourself into that position, then spring to life and start screaming and rolling around like you just woke up that way?

HAHAHA! No but I should

Dear please god do, film it, and post on reddit

Of course!

I clicked on the thread thinking, if this guys had sex, I'm going to kill myself.

I guess I'll be see'n ya all.

Don't do it! Just go out and pull some ass. It can't be that hard if I can do it.

I'm dating an asexual woman. I love her but sex isn't ever gonna happen so I might as well be a holy man. I don't actually mind it I just like complaining.

That's cool I guess

You are such a badass! I was going to say high five, but I am retarded.

Thank you!

No, thank you! You inspired me to stop feeling bad about myself and also a new way to masturbate.

Don't do it! It sucks!

The masturbating? I was kidding because I thought about carpet burn and thought,"Ohhhh shiiit!"

Good. It sucks

Do you have an assist animal?

No, just an asshole cat

Does your cat ever try to eat your foot?

Every day

Fucking cat

Right?

Have you ever laid down on the pavement and had your friends run over where your legs would be in their car?

No, but now I want to.

Since your shirt peaked my interest, how do you masturbate without arms? Or do you just not?

heh, that's my favorite shirt.

Gotta rub it out on the floor bro. I don't care for it so I don't do it often.

gotta get that nut somehow

Right?

What is your favorite prank to play on people? Also what is the best thing about your condition?

I don't know if this is a prank or not but if sometimes people will instinctively put their hand out to shake mine. I like to look down and sigh

you ought to start sticking out your tongue to see if they actually try to shake it

ಠ_ಠ I know what you sickos do with your hands.

Your shirt implies it too.

I'm onto you

Brilliant people... Just look at them, sniffle a bit and lower your head. The reaction I would imagine would be pretty damn funny. How long did it take for you to learn how to write that legibly? I have hands and I sure as hell can't write that nice.

A long time, and I have to concentrate or I scribble like a fucking Dr.

Just call it cursive and call yourself Dr. Limbless! What do you for fun that is the most physical? I had an acquaintance that was similar to your situation (however his armless/legless situation was due to a car accident) and he used to go bowling and loved it. We'd put a ball ramp in front of him and his wheelchair and tell us where he wanted the ball to aim, then he'd physically push it with his nubs (I don't know if thats the politically correct term so sorry if that sounds insensitive). It was always exciting to see him get a strike!

Fuck yeah I'm a doctor!

I love swimming when I can. I'm free in the water.

Poof! I am a Genie. I am here to grant you three wishes for adaptive technology. Go! Go! Go!

A convenient way to attach my phone to my wheelchairs armrest

Artificial arms that are fully functioning even though I don't have stumps or nerves needed to use arms

A new wheelchair

Your Genie didn't ask properly.

What three wishes for computer adaptive technology would you like to have granted?

Note: I find it intriguing you're not using voice recognition software.

I have used and had moderate success before with Naturally Speaking but I don't have the right headset or microphone to truly embrace it.

Hmmmm, good adaptive computer technology, eh?

a frogpad

Voice dictation software that can handle me listening to some music in the background

a totally customizable gamepad or mouse of some kind for gaming.

I loosely knew a guy through my old work who was an amputee. He worked as an extra in low-budget zombie flicks playing guys/zombies who'd had their leg ripped off. I don't know him well or what he made money-wise but have you ever thought of getting into something like that? There might be a market for it depending on where you live and it could be good for some extra scratch on top of your social security. Come to think of it I should run this idea by my sister. She lost her leg to cancer when she was young.

fuck yes, that would be fun.

Do you know the reaction your parents have when you were born and didnt have any legs and arms?

Concerned and unsure how to proceed

This is probably shitty of me to ask, but what would you rather have: arms or legs?

Arms

Upvote for the username. If you can re-live one moment in your life, what moment would you re-live?

I would relive the weekend before last. That's all I'll say :)

C'mooooon! What happened the weekend before last?

That's between me and her

That shirt!!! LOL!

Do you tell people your name is Russell? You should. Then tell them this joke:

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
A: ME!

You are stronger than I will ever be dude. I admire you.

I lay on their doorstep and introduce myself as Matt.

Ok, I know this dude. Funniest motherfucker you will meet. Hands down. He's got, or had, a shirt with tiny tiny tiny lettering, and whilst sitting in his wheelchair would tell chicks to read it, but they'd obviously have to bend down real low to see it. The text: If you can read this, you might as well be sucking my dick. Bro, you could have an AMA of just hilarious shit you've done to people.

Hahaha I still have that shirt! Who's this?

Are you a virgin?

Not even close

Spoken like a true player.

I do alright

How do you have sex?

With my penis

I was gonna ask have you ever fingered a girl but im not smart

Toed

Anyone ever call you a nugget?

Just you

Would you rather be a merman or minotaur?

Minotaur. Fuck fins, I'm not a peasant.

Watch out for Theseus I heard that guy was a dick.

He's a pussy. Like he founded Athens alonem pffttt.

Nudes?

^{andIinstantlyregretpostingthis}

No nudes. It wouldn't be fair to the other men in your life who could not compare to the sheer beauty of my nude body.

I like your style LWonder. I'm disappointed... but I like your style.

You wouldn't be disappointed if you saw me naked.

You tease.

Me?????

What daily tasks do you need help with?

Cooking, cleaning, showering and shitting.

Do you live by yourself? Who helps you with those things?

I live alone and have an attendant a few hours a day.

What do you do the rest of the time?

Have you ever lived alone without an assistant?

Go out with friends, reddit... Whatever the fuck I want.

I do live alone. The attendants are here a few hours a day and that's it.

I have to ask since you referenced it. How do you shit? Special toilet or does one of your attendants help you?

I just get help onto the toilet

My biggest wonder is how you wipe your ass after?

With help

must frustrating to do everyday?
has your situation ever gave you depression? If so, how did you get over it?
What words do you live by?
What do you do for a living?

This is what I love about /r/iama, get to communicate with cool people like you :)

Hmmmm most frustrating thing isn't a task but just the fact that I have to deal with someone everyday. Some days I'd love not to talk, or deal with people. Not everyday though.

My disability has never given me depression, thankfully.

Don't need anyone. Love them, appreciate them and be thankful for them, but don't need them.

I'm unemployed.

Thanks :)

wow, you're a strong person. I'm here, complaining and loathing about life, and I have all 4 limbs! Just goes to say mindset it everything. Doesn't matter what happens in life, but if you have the right mindset, you can get through almost anything.

And you're a lot more independent than I would have thought. Incredible.

How do you support yourself financially?

Thanks man but I don't want to give you the wrong impression. I have my days believe me. I've got lots of the same problems you do. I have my regrets, I was a huge fuck up all through my 20's, I get lonely, I miss the girl that got away, I worry about money, etc... I'm not as strong as people think.

I get by on social security.

understood. We're all just human beings. We all have our own problems.

A few more questions, if you don't mind.
1. Do you plan on ever having kids?
2. What are your hobbies?
3. What does a normal day look like for you?

Kids. Maybe. I'd need to be with the right woman.

My biggest hobby right now is vaping (E-cigarettes). There are so many mods, and juices, etc... that it went from something to help me quit smoking to a money sucking hobby. I also like getting out to concerts when I can. I'm pretty boring really... Oh and EVE Online. Such a tempting mistress she is.

Typical day is waking up and throwing on podcasts/music until the early afternoon when my attendant gets here. I get cleaned up and go do whatever needs to get done with them... Shopping, laundry, y'know the boring shit. Eat dinner and then either head out with friends or watch TV/movies and reddit until bed.

Always wondered about people with no legs is what's the deal with your testicles. I mean do they rub on the ground when you move or are they more high and tight.

High and tight thankfully

How many words can you type per minute ? (Your answering these questions pretty fast) lol

I'm not sure. I'm not a hunt and peck guy, but not a two handed typist either.

Is this you?

No. That guys an asshole who uses his disability to sell DVDs and trick people into being saved into his religion.

My mistake. I feel like such a douche for not doing any research. I had the photo sitting in an email with no description. This is a truly humbling AMA by the way. Really puts things in perspective.

No worries man :)

I'm glad you said so, because most people can't really call Nick Vujicic an asshole without seeming like a worse asshole themselves.

And I think that's a shame. His disability (mine too) does not stop us from being assholes. Trust me, I am an asshole so I know

What problems do you face that many people wouldn't realise?

The general publics perception of the disabled in general. It's very hard for people to understand and accept that I am a fully functional, capable adult.

A guy with no legs or arms has had more sex than me. Ouch.

Go out there and get some!

How do you move when you're not in your wheelchair: do you hop, slide, or something else?

I roll

If someone managed to figure out how to grow you completely functional arms and/or legs, and attach them properly, would you go for it?

I'd have to think about it

Okay. I've always wondered, because it seems (to me, who did develop anatomically normal arms and legs) like getting them would make life easier. But when I think about someone like you, who has been living without them for his (or her) whole life, I wonder if you'd even want to abandon whatever life hacks you've developed to get through the day.

That's exactly my thought process. It would be a jarring experience for sure. Probably positive in the end but scary nonetheless

Do you work or have any way of making income? If so what do you do?

No work currently. I just get social security

What was school like for you?

I hated school. I had one close friend who I'm still close with today. I would consider high school the second worst period of my life.

My mother has cerebral palsy and one of her biggest complaints is that people treat her like she is stupid because of her physical disability. Do you experience that? How do you deal with it?

Like a smartass. I'm usually smarter than the people who act like that.

Do you have a modified keyboard that you use to increase typing, or are you just using a standard one?

Just a standard one

We're you born like this ? If not, wtf happened ?

I was, and no one knows why.

If you could gain limbs by eating a raw puppy. Would you?

Never. Love me some puppies

What is your favorite thing to do?

Probably read

What was the last thing you read? What is your favorite book?

Last one was Cosmos by Carl Sagan and my favorite? That's tough... Most recent favorite would be the Hitlers War series by Harry Turtledove.

How do you wipe?

I need help for that

Could you walk us through one of the best dates you've had?

Sure,

A girl found me online, we talked a bit and she flew in for the weekend. We were supposed to go out to a nice Italian place for dinner, but it was hot as fuck outside so we stayed in, watched a movie, ate shitty (delicious) Chinese food and chilled. Sounds boring but it was great.

You seem like you don't let this stop you at all. That is so damn inspirational... And honestly, I bet you pull all kinds of ass. Once I hooked up with this chick from Brazil and I was psyched because none of my friends can say that... In the same sense, I bet chicks get that same type of turn on with you.

Anyway, do you have any hobbies or things you enjoy doing that may surprise people? How do you like to spend your time?

I'm not a player really, but for a guy with no limbs I've got a respectable number under my belt. I think most chicks just deal with my disability though, only one has been truly turned on by it.

I don't think I have any hobbies that would surprise people, I'm a little boring.

There was another AMA a few months ago by a women who had no arms but had legs. She used a wall-mounted hook to help put on her shirt. Do you use any mechanical assists like that?

No, I just get someone to help me

How do you, and how often do you masturbate?

I rub it out o the floor and not often because it doesn't feel good, just relieves blue balls

Have you ever done any drugs ?

Yes. I wasted my 20's drinking and getting high.

Do you use a regular mobile phone or is it modified for you? How do you dial it?

Just a regular iPhone with a stylus

Is it okay for a stranger to approach you in public and ask you questions about your condition? Is it offensive to draw unnecessary attention to it? What (if anything) is/isn't off-limits?

It seems like in society there's this feeling that you're not supposed to acknowledge it when somebody is clearly abnormal, for fear of offending them. Do you think there's any validity to that, or do you think it's all just a product of the PC age?

I can't speak for anyone but me but I really don't give a fuck. I can't stand a lot of the politically correct bullshit going around these days.

What is your favourite memory?

Hmmmmm... I'll have to get back to you on that

So you have feet but not legs?!

small left leg

what was your first time like?

Awkward and barely memorable. I don't even remember her name

Can you write with a pencil?

Yes

Do you have any arms or legs?

yes, 7 of them

What do you do with all of those?

Stunts

Just curious, what is your take on Nick Vujicic?

He exploits his disability for money and to convert people into his religion. I don't approve.

Do you play any kind of computer games? I ask because I couldn't imagine not being able to. I guess you'd have to play with your foot?

RTS and RPGs mostly

Are you employed? Is the job you have cool for you? Also, what job would you like to have if your current job is whack? Also, how was school for you growing up? I'd like to think everyone was kind and pleasant, but kids are probably the meanest creatures on the planet.

I'm not employed but I kinda want to be a lawyer

Do you have powers like Mind Quad?

And if not, why are you lying?

We never had this conversation

Do you ever go swimming?

How do you keep in shape, you look pretty healthy.

How do you feel when people call you inspirational, does it annoy you or do you like it?

Thanks for the AMA, good replies

I swim occasionally, I enjoy it.

I just eat well and I lost a ton of weight. I cut out the sodas and chips, started eating fresh meat and vegetables and the weight came right off.

It's a little weird I guess. I've got all the same problems and issues as everyone else. I certainly don't see myself as inspirational.

Glad you're enjoying it.

Do you mess up a lot typing with your foot?

EDIT: Like hitting two keys at once pretty much.

Yes

Is it comfortable to sleep? How do you fix an itch? A neck that needs cracked?

Yeah sleeping is fine. I rub whatevers itching against something sharp and if my neck needs cracking I crack it

What do you fly in EVE?

I just started a new character (and came back recently too) so I'm still in a shitty t1 frig.

Did you hear about the $9,000 dollar super carrier that got lead into a trap recently and was destroyed?

I did. Crazy