I'm Ryan North! I write Dinosaur Comics, the Adventure Time comics, and I'm Kickstarting a choose-your- own-path version of Hamlet. AMA

Ryan are you super handsome or just regular handsome?

Oh shucks, just regular I'm pretty sure

Like, the average amount

nice snoop-lion-ing

which is a word now?

I sure hope so!

I just want you to know, your writing style and weird (in the best way!) sense of humor make my day, every day. Except weekends and Canadian holidays.

And I got paid today, so I can finally give you money for that Kickstarter!

Hooray! And thank you!

Thank you for making me laugh once a day for the past three years of my PhD. You've made me about 1% less productive.

EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN

I've just had an extension approved as I missed my original deadline. The extension is funded by the Irish government. We're already broke enough as it is Ryan. Do you...do you hate the Irish?

If I said I had a bumper sticker that read "I RESPECT THE IRISH" would that help, or would that seem like an oddly specific preemptive denial?

Have you noticed that you are like some kind of linguistic black hole, and people often start writing like you when in the presence of you or your works? IS THIS AWESOME Y/N?

Y and I approve because it makes me feel special

Hey. It's Joey. I tried to talk to you on PRIVATE TIMES OTR but you said you were "too busy" over on "reddit" so I'll just ask here.

What do you think of this comic idea for today? Too wordy?

Did you ever have one of those dreams

where you're inexplicably naked in your old high school principal's office

and suddenly can't remember what the dream was?

Haha, I like it! I say SHIP IT

why is that bold? What the fuck.

What's a computer?

this is where our story ends, Joey

Maybe you could make it "where you're inexplicably naked in the principal's office" if you wanted it to be shorter, but I don't think it's necessary!

I was tinkering with some mobile game development last year and used T-Rex as a sprite to test with. What would you think of a silly little mobile game starting T-Rex stompin' around town? :D

I APPROVE

You and Pequin should guest-write for each other! Oh wait, supposed to be a question.

You and Pequin should guest-write...for each other?

how do you favourite things on reddit

If you could team up with four other people, Voltron style, to form one super-awesome-dude/lady-hybrid, whom would you choose, and why?

THIS is a good question!

• Joey Comeau because pals
• My wife Jenn because loooooove
• My dog Chompsky because of increased nose powers
• Patrick Stewart because I want his voice

Together we would be an unstoppable, hairy, stentorian machine of fun times.

What are your hopes and dreams?

I hope to have fun times with my friends, and I dream about fun times with my friends! I am big into pals, Joey. YOU KNOW THIS

How do you deal with the difficult task of keeping your comic free of typos ?

Ladies and gentlemen, bobf corrected a typo in today's comic, where I used a 0 instead of an O. He is unto a god.

But apparently he missed "distinguised" in panel 3?

Hah! First time I've had a typo corrected in an AMA. This has been fixed - thank you!

I missed one. Harakiri.

It is the only option left

He gets occasional emails from jerks like me who spot the ones that make it through.

And usually they're apologetic when really I'm super glad to receive them so that I can correct the mistake!

I was entirely unapologetic in correcting "lazer" and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

AND I WILL NEVER CHANGE, IT'S LIGHT AMPLIFIED by ZETA-WAVE EMISSION RADIATION

Would you rather fight one T-Rex sized duck or 100 duck sized T-Rexes?

I CAME READY FOR THIS QUESTION

The former, because he's big and easy to avoid. But if we have to fight, still I'd go with the former because death by giant duck would be a heck of a lot faster and more pleasant than death by 100 tiny dinosaurs.

I'm going to have to counter this answer. Having been in violent engagements with normal-sized ducks, I'll tell you it's no fun. You'd probably get batted around with giant wings which would bash you up pretty bad without killing you. Then you'd be gummed and swallowed, possibly while still alive...no fun.

Now, when dealing with duck-sized T-Rexes, consider this: They probably can't jump very high and those stumpy little arms keeping them from climbing/overwhelming you. With a good pair of boots to protect your ankles, you'd probably have a fair shake at punting enough of them around to convince the others to find some easier game.

But the teeth! THE TEETH

I never realised the images in each Dinosaur Comic was the same until a month or so ago. Do you think I am stupid?

Nope! I actually take that as a compliment, because it says that the comics stand entirely on their own even without the visual conceit. So yay!

Yup, you are an excellent writer, and I'm going to buy a Wee Rex plushie key chain thing soon, am I a child for finding it adorable?!

No you are a mature adult who knows what they like and is not ashamed when what they like is awesome!

I know you have a bunch of novelty domain names, like http://chewbac.ca, that redirect to qwantz.com. What's your favourite?

The fact that I own hotforthecock.com and can AND HAVE pointed it anywhere at my merest whim brings me no end of pleasure. It's pointing at qwantz right now though which I don't understand, I have no memory of doing that

This seems like a cunning scheme designed specifically to get me to look at "hotforthecock.com."

It worked perfectly.

MISSION SUCCESS

I own "cockgoeshere.com", and never knew what to do with it till now.

Thank you.

edit : TARGET ACQUIRED - DNS is propogating!

cock domain name bros FOR LIFE

I've heard the rumor bouncing about the intertubes that the Twilight franchise was based on a true story: your relationships with Joey Comeau and Andrew Hussie.

Care to comment?

I've never performed a C-section on Andrew with my teeth while Joey watched, so clearly these are scurrilous allegations

What were you like as a child? Were you always goofy and abstract and hilarious? Were you a nerd? TELL ME EVERYTHING.

Awkward? And tall and gangley? And tons of acne. I was on prescription stuff for a few years, just to stop scarring. I was (AND REMAIN) big into Star Trek, and you can tell I love you because I'm doing this and I haven't even watched the trailer yet. IT'S OUT TODAY

I think you get funny by always trying to be funny, because then you're looking for jokes in situations and always practicing in your head. And it's not like "today I am going to be ON and I am going to be funny all the time", it's more like "I will try to entertain myself by thinking of jokes about current circumstances".

Here's something cool: if you watch comedians while they listen to other comedians or funny movies or whatever, a cool thing happens: often, they'll laugh before the joke actually happens. I do this too, and it can be annoying for others, but what's happening is you're listening to the person tell the joke, and often you'll reach a point where you can see where the person is going - and it's hilarious - before they actually get a chance to say it. That's what I'm talking about: always running stuff in your head.

Thanks, Ryan - this is an AWESOME response. I can't even be funny about it, I just love it.

I think you are freaking amazingly talented and rad. I was delighted to be one of the first backers of your CYOA Hamlet. You are a shining beacon of hope to all of the acne-ridden, awkward, gangly, nerdy kids out there. :)

wait, what I mean is TOPS BLOOBY

Aw, thank you!!

Just HOW rad exactly is Noam Chompsky? Please give details and examples!

Yesterday he tried to steal a sausage off the table and I pulled it out of his throat, so he's not ALWAYS the raddest: sometimes he is a stinker.

Buuuut we're teaching him "Go see Ryan!" and "Go see Jenn!" which is like "come", but in reverse. The nice thing about this trick is the other person has to reward him. Combine this with "pick it up" and "drop it" and a piece of paper, and you have an in-house dog message delivery system. I THINK THAT WILL BE REALLY NEAT

It took me a second to realize that you were not referring to the real Noam Chomsky.

I love it when this happens

I read this entirely thinking you were talking about the human Noam Chomsky. The imagery is spectacular.

I really do love it when that happens.

Are you Batman?

I am a big enough fan of Batman that I can recognize that I am not Batman

How much time is it acceptable to spend trying to come up with an appropriate pun for a situation before you should give up?

2 seconds.

Have you ever considered changing your name to Ryan Lion?

Before this question: no. After this question: yes, briefly, but I then dismissed the idea because without the middle name "Mc" it wouldn't work.

What's your favorite type of wood?

There's no way to answer this without it sounding like a euphemism. That said: I LIKE MY WOOD HARD

Where did you get the drawings for Dinosaur Comics? They look like they came from an old-school dinosaur coloring book which is pretty awesome. Also, you gots fans in Japan! Love your work, dude! :D

Yay Japan!

They're from an ancient clip art program I had when I started - it was the only drawing software I had beside MS Paint. They're posable (you could move the arms and stuff) which was useful, but even so I stuck with a lot of the demo poses.

I am not what you would call a "visual artist" :o

Was the clip art public domain or have you ever had to deal with licensing or something like that? Or was it all just so old that the company that made it doesn't even exist anymore?

Royalty free! The company still has a website but it hasn't been updated in years so I dunno what their deal is.

As an English major and a terrible artist, I've always loved that you use the same images over and over, which forces a stronger reader relationship to text than other webcomics and also gets you out of drawing something new every day. After so many years, do you still enjoy that format and its constraints, or do you wish that you had given yourself a little more leeway/ability to change things up?

Oh I still love it! The layout is SUPER flexible: all I need to do is add "MEANWHILE IN TUDOR ENGLAND" above one panel and the entire visual narrative of the strip is changed. Plus things like Adventure Time let me write in different formats, so I don't feel like I'm missing out!

How has the credit card swap with Andrew Hussie gone?

Super well. We're working on one big final post that details our last purchases!

Is andrew a cool guy? I've always wondered...

YEP

I tattooed T-Rex on my calf. It hurt less than my other tattoos. Do you have a tattoo of anyone else's IP on your body? Would you?

That's awesome!

I have a sailor heart with a banner on my right arm, but the banner is blank so I can write in different things. This tattoo is FUTURE-READY.

I'd worry about someone else's stuff because (I PROMISE I WON'T DO THIS) what if tomorrow's comic features T-Rex saying "Gosh I sure don't like... ALL MINORITIES"? You're stuck with a racist dude on your calf.

ps I promise I won't do this, that would be literally the worst!

OH NO THAT WOULD BE AWFUL. Although I guess I would just tattoo a banner under him that says "DISCLAIMER I DONT HATE MINORITIES" or something.

What's the best thing you've ever written in the banner?

"HOT DOGS"

I just love the idea of someone who likes hot dogs SO MUCH that he gets a tattoo of it on his arms.

Can I have some money?

I am willing to arrange a 1:1 swap

Ok, I'll give you sheep if you give me wheat!

NO DEAL, I have invested in a sheep-heavy portfolio

Which Dinosaur Comics character is most like you? In appearance, personality and/or Monopoly proficiency?

MONOPOLY IS THE WORST. That said, I like God a lot, I feel he is fun to write and pretending to be him feels natural. It feels right

Ryan, I'm a huge fan! My user name was inspired by one of your comics! :D

My question: if you had to lose one of your 5 senses, but that meant the other 4 would become more powerful, which one would you choose to lose?

Assuming we're going with the Classical Five, then smell is the obvious choice, because in the question we're already assuming taste is independent, so food tastes BETTER, plus now I have the visual acuity to detect dangerous gasses, so smell is no longer necessary.

I have Anosmia and have never been able to smell 'cause I was born all MESSED UP.

I can taste, albeit I don't know if it's drastically different 'cause I've never been able to smell. HOWEVER, I can say, I FART ALL OF THE TIME AND WHEN PEOPLE FART IN RETALIATION, I LAUGH. HARD.

Hahaha! NICE

Beetles or stones? Meaning, would you rather rule over a kingdom of beetles or sentient stone people?

oh, Beetles for sure

Top five comedic inspirations because you're so funny GO!

Mitch Hedberg (such tight writing) Jerry Seinfeld (so influential) Douglas Adams (master of absurd) Bill Watterson (master of sweet) um the others are people I know personally so it would be embarrassing. But if you check the comics I link to on qwantz, every one there is doing something I wish I could do, but better!

What do you think about the stars in the sky?

This is an interesting response!

Catapults or Trebuchets?

Trebs, baby

If Michael Crichton had been able to do a Jurassic Park version of Dinosaur Comics, what would T-Rex, Utahraptor, and Dromiceiomimus do in the movie? If not a Jurassic Park-type movie, what kind of dinosaur movie would you want your comics to be made into?

Seeing T-Rex and everyone else on Skull Island in the original King Kong, posed like panel 3, would be the best...

T-Rex would take the place of the T.rex in the film, but he would stomp on the car, question how he managed to scale that giant wall and get inside the building when the doors are all only human-sized. Utahraptor would take the place of the utahraptor-sized velociraptors in the film, but would not struggle with doors and be intrigued by their own reflection. Dromiceiomimus would be revealed when one of the humans pulls off their mask at the end.

Will you tell Joey Comeau that I love him?

He's in this thread as untowardlands, you should tell him yourself!

If you were to become a supervillain, what would you do with the $250k to aid your most dastardly plan?

Haha, well, it's not like I get $250k! The books cost money, shipping costs money, everything every costs money...

THAT SAID, giant lens to focus the sun's rays, because hello

How do you feel about bundling "Partying is such sweet sorrow" T-Shirts at some levels of To Be or Not To Be?

I'd like to, but they're from TopatoCo and the books are from BreadPig, so there's shipping shenanigans to consider. :(

Ryan, i have to be honest that I haven't read a large majority of your comics, but the one where the punchline is that you just don't get these dinosaur comics. That is still by far the best comic i've ever read.

Thank you! As I have all the URLs and comics memorized, I can say that you're thinking of this one:

http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1218

Do your fans often geek out on you? If so, how do you handle it? Flusteringly?

Alternate version:

Do you have fans that play it super-cas(ual)? Do they make you feel like less of a person or just remind you of the days of mortality you've since left behind?

Flusteringly, yep!

There's been a few times where I'm walking down the street, and someone will be walking towards me, and they'll stare at me thinking "Is that... Ryan?" and I'll notice and stare at them thinking "Is that... guy staring at me because he knows I'm Ryan?" and so we pass each other awkwardly without exchanging a words.

A few times when I saw someone wearing one of my shirts I'd say "Hey, nice shirt!" in an "oh ho ho I made it" sort of way but not once did they know who I was so I stopped doing that pretty fast because it was really embarrassing.

This reminds me of a story I heard a comedian tell about how they'd grown so accustomed to people asking to take pictures with them that they started assuming that was the norm. One day, a young couple asks him to take a photograph. Naturally, being the generous celebrity he was he sidled up next to the young man's ladyfriend for a picture. Turns out they had no idea who he was and simply wanted him to take a photograph of them on vacation. HILARITY ENSUES.

Anyway, good thing you stopped doing that.

Thanks for the answer :)

Haha, amazing. I don't even assume people want their books signed at shows, because sometimes they don't, and saying "Hey, can I sign this for you?" and them saying "Um, no, it's okay" makes you feel like the most egotistical jerk in the world. But then sometimes you can tell they really would like it signed and are just shy, so I'll ask then.

Ryan, My girlfriend and I are like, pretty big fans of yours. Both of us met you at Comic Con two years ago. We were dressed as Batman and Robin, and you signed a book for us. The thing is, I recently had to move away for a postdoc across the country but you had signed the book for both of us and so we had to decide who would be the person who took the book. And now you're doing this AMA, and I thought you'd be a great person to ask: which is the best of all of the sciences?

No waffling and saying they're all great or whatever this isn't a kids game, Ryan.

Well clearly the answer is LINGUISTICS, but if neither of you are in linguistics then hold tight to the idea that seconds place isn't so bad, and ignore all those NO FEAR shirts in the 90s that claimed second place is first loser. It is, obviously, but there's no shame in losing to linguistics.

What's your favorite Wikipedia article?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_far_future

Also file under: MOST DEPRESSING.

tl;dr: everybody dies in 800 million years? I thought we had BILLIONS

Who do you like better, Rosencrantz or Guildenstern?

They're two sides of the same beautiful coin, my friend.

INTERESTING FACT: they never talk to each other in the play! Also, everyone who talks to Hamlet ends up dead, except for Horatio. Which is really just a way of saying "pretty much everyone in the play ends up dead, except for Horatio"

...and both sides of the coin are heads.

That is interesting - I hadn't considered that. And second point, not true! The gravedigger's fate is undetermined.

Also, I've always liked the summary of Hamlet that read "Prince of Norway becomes unopposed ruler of Denmark."

Hah!

Well, I mean, he dies EVENTUALLY, he of all people should know that

What is your relationship with Andrew Hussie?

BROTIMES PALQUEST x2 MULTIPLIER

Ryan, about two years ago I tweeted you saying I used this comic of yours (http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1713) to get to first base with an attractive lady... and I would just like to say that two days ago we got engaged. This wouldn't have happened without you and I think you're pretty swell for it

Oh man for real? That's amazing!

If you were the Mayor of Toronto, what would be your first official act?

Besides a monorail down to the world's largest Ferris wheel?

Declaring the last two years non-canon.

Did you just imply that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is, in fact, a Bussard Collector? Because that is awesome. I have a mental image of two of them strapped to the Enterprise.

taps nose knowingly

Also would you like to come to Somerset, UK and hang out? I feel like we could be great bros (disclaimer: you would learn some funny words like gurt, lush, and casn't, which I think is reason enough to visit)?

Is "casn't" is a contraction of "can has not"? I casn't imagine a situation where that would be useful / grammatical

It means the same as can't actually, it's just a strange West Country thing. Our land is a magical land where everyone talks like a pirate. :)

I approve

By now, you have a wealth of MEANWHILE IN TUDOR ENGLAND comics under your belt. Did you find any of them influencing your writing of To Be Or Not To Be?

It's funny - someone emailed me saying "Geez just write your own version of Hamlet already!" like 3 weeks ago, and then when I announced To Be Or Not To Be they wrote back saying "OMG YOU FORESHADOWED IT".

I think Shakespeare's a lot of fun, mainly because he's SO ridiculously canonized. Like, you say "I don't like Shakespeare" and people just assume you're uneducated! Because that opinion is WRONG. So it's fun to play with it: the format of my book serves to take away that air of authority from the play, and Shakespeare in my comic is BASICALLY just a sullen teen.

Why is adventure time so awesome that i want to scream like a girl, each time i see Jake or Finn? Please explain.

I think that is due to the fact that they are the best bros ever in time!!

Mr. North you are super amazing and I admire everything you do. You have provided me with so many laughs! The highest laughs-per-minute of any author I have ever read. And I have read all of your writings! So that's a lot of laughs. And as I am a PhD student in computer science, those laughs are much needed. I've got your Dinosaur Comics whiteboard on my desk at school and it has made me A HIT. (I'm the guy that keeps sending you whiteboard comics on twitter!)

My question: how do you grow such an amazing and lustrous beard?

Second question: will you please sport your beard forever because it is AMAZING and pushes your already awe-inspiring handsomeness to unprecedented levels? (Card carrying beard enthusiast here.)

Third (real) question: do you ever suffer from procrastination when things are tough, and what do you do to combat it?

1: The secret is to wait and not die and it happens on its own. 2: I actually shaved it off JUST THIS WEEK because I like growing them out too, so it's nice to restart once in a while! 3: The secret is to keep at it (dumb obvious advice) and ALSO to have cheats (sneaky useful advice). For comic writing, I have text files of comics I've never finished but are maybe almost there. If I'm stuck, I can abandon the one I'm working on, put it in the unfinished pile, and grab something else. Then my job's almost done, and all I have to do is make it not suck! That seems like an easier job than starting fresh, and sometimes a few week's distance from when I first wrote it can help. I think the longest I've done this was 3 years between "first written" and "finished", which was a bit nuts.

How'd you write the Rex twitter bot?

I didn't! Well, I didn't write the code. There's a big XML file out there with all the dialogue in Dinosaur Comics and that was used to give him his brain, and by "brain" I mean @qwantz grabs a random line without any regard to context.

Any chance of T-Rex doing a parenting advice book?

As a man without children, I'm hardly qualified, crotch_jenkins!

That said, if there weren't criminal consequences to publishing terrible parenting advice... MAYBE.

Hi Ryan! Thanks for doing this! Are you as rad as you seem to be, or is it an internet-induced illusion?

As for a real question: did you ever even give any thought to your Kickstarter taking off in the way it did? And if not, did you have any crazy physical reaction when it went nuts?

I thought it'd reach $20k - felt good about that. And I felt there was an outside chance of $100k. We did $20k in 3.5 HOURS, and hit 50k in a single day. It is extremely fair to say that I did not expect that. When we hit $20k I shouted "wooooooo!" but I hadn't really spoken much that day so it came out a bit rough and I'm glad nobody heard it because they all would've withdrawn their pledges.

I just want to say that I love your comics and they make me pee myself regularly. Any advice on what to do about that?

My advice Depends on the brands of adult diapers available in your area

What's your writing schedule for dinocoms like these days?

Get up at 6:30, have a shower, write a comic, now it's 10:30 and hopefully you've written tomorrow's comic! It still takes about 3-4 hours a comic, which seems like a lot for 6 panels, but it's the only way I've got.

When does the Dinosaur Comics Guide to Generative Grammar come out? Or Choose Your Own Universal Grammar?

These projects need to be done, and you, Ryan, are our best shot.

I need to finish Elementary, My Dear Watson! Sherlock Holmes Teaches Finite State Machines first

Would you say Dinosaur Comics is the best comic for meeting pals you can smooch? On a related note, I met my rad boyfriend on account of Dinosaur Comics, so thanks for that!

It's certainly the best that I know of. That's awesome!

Why didn't you mention that you made Project Wonderful? Project Wonderful seems pretty great.

Questions: - Is it, in fact, wonderful? - Has it continued to be wonderful as time passes? - Is its wonderfulness rising or falling? Are we entering or leaving the Age of Wonderful?

I should've!

ANSWERS: 1 - YES 2 - YES 3 - RISING 4 - RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE

also if you take those answers out of context it sounds I believe it sounds like salacious dialogue from an adult film

Hey Ryan, why do you carry an umbrella?

fo drizzle

What are your opinions on the hot issue of >2-word contractions like 'twouldn't've (it would not have)?

I love them but people always try to call you out on them, which is disappointing.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? (Ignoring vitamin deficiencies, etc.)

I really like meat sandwiches, but I call them "meat sandwiches" instead of "burgers" because then I feel bad about how unhealthy they are and therefore don't eat them all the time. Pizza is very versatile, I feel like I could live off pizza and it'd never get old. IN FACT, I had the idea of doing just that for a month, but got busy (there'd be dessert pizza, sushi pizza, etc - IT WOULD WORK)

Did you know that a certain dinosaur appears on official Chicago transit maps?

WHAT

Favourite thing to do in Toronto?

EAT. So many good places, so many good foods that deserve to go inside me