Note from dad: Wow, time flies! My son really loved doing the 3 and 4 year old AMA's and has been asking me when he can do another. It's finally time!

Same rules as before: Ask my 5 year old son almost anything. I'll read him the questions and type his answers exactly as given. No coaching or translating. I reserve the right to ignore any questions that I feel are inappropriate.

Previous years:

I'm 4 years old. AMAA.

I'm 3 years old. AMAA.

I'm continuing to use the "3yearold" account name again to tie this AMA to the other ones. He wants to be sure that I tell everyone that he's really FIVE now!

EDIT: Bedtime! Keep the questions coming and we'll pick up again in the morning.

EDIT2: And we're back!

EDIT3: Proof!

Comments: 6254 • Responses: 68  • Date: 

probably-maybe2202 karma

How do you feel about updog?

3yearold2156 karma

What's updog?

[deleted]1758 karma


3yearold2203 karma

What does that mean?

redpoemage1758 karma

Have you realized that this is the last year you can show people your age using only one hand?

3yearold1963 karma

[Looks at hands with a puzzled expression.]



munchiemania1743 karma

What is your main goal in life?

3yearold2525 karma


PirateKilt1556 karma

What is your favorite song on the radio right now?

3yearold2383 karma


GDMuffinMan620 karma

You win the parent of the year award.

3yearold1298 karma

Well, I'll give it to my dad cause I'm not even a parent yet. But I'll keep the money if there is money!

kaileeann1503 karma

How do you feel about dubstep?

3yearold2321 karma

Dumb stuff? I don't like dumb stuff.

Undeniablu1489 karma

My son will be 5 soon. What would he want for his birthday?

3yearold1986 karma

A Nerf gun.

JewfroDOC1373 karma


3yearold1616 karma

Hmm... Yeah.

Jawthumb1106 karma

Awesome! I've always loved reading. What's your favorite book?

3yearold1483 karma

The Spiderwick Chronicles.

Jawthumb1028 karma

I have the whole set, and the book with illustrations! It's cool. I only have the original five though.

3yearold1477 karma

YOU HAVE THAT BOOK THAT THE MONSTERS WERE TRYING TO GET? If you want to get rid of it just give it to me and you'll get rid of it by giving it to me!

Jawthumb1400 karma

Arthur Spiderwick's field guide? I loved it, but I'm a bit too old for it now. If you want it, PM me your address and I'd be very happy to send it to you. You'd appreciate it more than me, and your AMAAs have given me enough laughs to be worth it. It's in almost perfect condition.

3yearold1427 karma

Thank you! :) Thank you sooooo much! I'll keep it safe from the monsters!

Now I'll tell you where the first movie is. It's at the library. The one that has prizes and where story time is. But not the really, really big one. The small one. They have the Spiderwick Chronicles movie there and you can just go get it and they'll just GIVE it to you! They let you borrow it for free! Now you can go watch it too!

Zoomerlawns1347 karma

What do you want to be when you grow up?

3yearold1912 karma

The president of the world.

Jawthumb1611 karma

I'll vote for you.

3yearold1827 karma

Thanks! President of the world will make you his assistant!

gordoha1347 karma

Are you going to do this every year as long as you live?

3yearold1718 karma

Yes yes. Double yes.

PirateKilt1340 karma

When you get older, do you plan to grow a beard?

3yearold1728 karma


tesladrianne1154 karma

What's that under there?

3yearold1679 karma

Under where?

Hahahaha! I just said underwear.

mgreco19881135 karma

What is your favorite Avenger super hero?

3yearold1841 karma

Iron Man!

We need a plan of attack! I have a plan: ATTACK!

Thor42691194 karma

But come on, how cool is Thor? =D

3yearold1499 karma

Pretty cool. He's ALMOST as cool as Iron Man. Oh, and also the Hulk. He's even cooler than Thor.

amimimi1067 karma

If you could be an animal..what would you be?

Cookies or brownies?

Have a girlfrieeennndd? ;) My niece is your age if you're interested!

3yearold1609 karma

A scorpion so I could scare my dad! When we play hide and seek I could hide and he could find me and I'd be like, "BOO! I'M A SCORPION!"


Uhhhh... I'm scared to answer!

Jawthumb839 karma

Do you have a girlfriend?

3yearold1921 karma

No. I hate girls. Well, I do like Peyton and mommy. Peyton is my sister and my mommy is my mommy.

EmKM1035 karma

Do you ever wish that adults treated you more like a grown up?

Do you wish that you were older, or do you like being 5?

What's your biggest goal for when you grow up? Could be a job, or something else.

3yearold1480 karma

Yes. And they have to give me soda pop.

I wish that I was older because I want to be old enough to drink soda pop.

Finding a dragon.

Gullible_Skeptic994 karma

Can you provide any proof that you are really five? We get a lot of four year-olds coming to this subreddit trying to pass themselves off as being old enough to go to grade school.

3yearold978 karma

Hmm... well... let me see. Ask me a math question that only a 5-year-old would know.

hello_humans911 karma

What is the last movie you watched? What is your favorite food? What do you think of girls?

3yearold1365 karma


A cheeseburger.


iamthenewone876 karma

So , why are you here on reddit and making an AMAA?

3yearold1397 karma

Because when I was 4 answering questions there was this thing that said "what's the scariest thing in the world?" and I said "a green man changing into aliens who can throw up and the throw up can turn into guns and shoot people."

Jawthumb901 karma

That was cool. What's the scariest thing now?

3yearold1643 karma

A fire truck that turns into a monster truck and the fire hose instead of spitting water it spits acid out and it has a fire hydrant and it connects a hose to that and it blows up and it turns into little monsters and the monsters get bigger if they get fire on them.

thecoolestdude657 karma

If I remember correctly, one of our novelty accounts of last year illustrated this. That needs to happen again.

3yearold883 karma

I hope someone draws it like when they drawed my person turning into a green person throwing up guns that shoot people. I hope it turns out just like that.

My green person picture got erased. I wish it didn't. I really liked it.

WhatDoesYourHeadSay853 karma

What is your favorite thing, as a 5 year old?

3yearold1147 karma

Playing with Sunny!

gordoha843 karma

Who is Sunny?

3yearold1386 karma

My dog. When we open the gate to go to our pool he runs in to the pool because he's hot.

Buried_Dolls845 karma

I have one scoop of vanilla ice cream, what should I add to it to make it awesome?

3yearold1424 karma

You should add some chocolate ice cream.

And some gummy bears and M&Ms and whip cream and a cherry. And maybe some sprinkles wouldn't hurt.

butt_turtle827 karma

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

3yearold1670 karma

Eight-hundred million infinity plus eighteen.

ClassyFap785 karma

Who be the best president of the entire world, real or not real?

3yearold1133 karma


Jawthumb1160 karma

Who will be your assistant?

3yearold1599 karma

Is that the guy who said he'd vote for me?



FakePlasticJayj734 karma

I'm going to be a Dad very soon. What is the best advice that you can give me on how to be a good dad?

3yearold1560 karma

Well, you could make a pond. Or a pool. Even if you're really mad at your kid you have to still be nice and give him other chances. And here's one thing that you have to never forget. This is an old saying. You have to tie a rope to your son and you and it stays together for as long as you live and longer so you love each other as long as you live and longer. But every dad has to know that their kid loves them too.

lolmonade715 karma

Will you be willing to continue doing this with your dad until you're at least 18? I would be fascinated if this could be a continuing trend as you get older!

3yearold1362 karma

Yes, and even when I'm 18 I'll still do this with my dad.

beadsarenotcheap683 karma

What operating system do you use?

3yearold902 karma

What's an operating system?

Jawthumb697 karma

Windows or Mac?

3yearold1536 karma

I'll say windows because I don't know what mac is. ok?

macspayn664 karma

Can your dad do an AMA?

3yearold997 karma

Ok. Dad, the next one you have to do.

munchiemania654 karma

What is your goal in life? Where do you want to be when you are your dads age?

3yearold1279 karma

What is your goal in life?

Going to the bathroom. Haha. Not really. Going to another galaxy!

Where do you want to be when you are your dads age?

Doing Crazy Monkey Games.

scoder638 karma

What's your biggest goal in life?

3yearold1242 karma

Biggest? .... Finding a dragon!

doobie-scooo628 karma

Who's cooler......Clifford the Big Red Dog or Caillou?

3yearold1088 karma

Caillou. WAIT! I don't like those.

redpoemage972 karma

Looks like someone is going through his "Those are for little kids, I'm a big boy now" phase :P

3yearold1003 karma


DominicM01599 karma

Who's your favourite Pokémon?

3yearold1077 karma

Pikachu. Sometimes I watch that, you know.

stumpblubber588 karma

What was the best dream you ever had?

3yearold989 karma

When I dreamed about the Spiderwick Chronicles.

Master-Thief574 karma

You look under your bed and see this...

What do you do?

3yearold1029 karma

I scream like a baby!

Sakrifice21570 karma

What is the highlight of your day?

How awesome is Mcdonalds?

3yearold883 karma

What does highlight mean?

OOOO! Super awesome!

smellowyellow558 karma

Whats your favorite sport?

3yearold1239 karma

Football! And Wipeout.

And I really like submission grappling.

[deleted]145 karma


3yearold234 karma

I like them.

Drassielle530 karma

Do you have any brothers or sisters? If so, what do you think of them? If not, do you want any younger brothers or sisters?

3yearold1219 karma

I have a sister and she is NUTS!

pmarch91522 karma

Do you exercise?

3yearold929 karma

Yes. I stretch and do push ups and squats and jog and lift weights sometimes in the basement. I do more stuff but there's way too much stuff.

spicy_jose613 karma

Do all the ladies love you?

3yearold1215 karma

Ummm... Some.

FggyGggls425 karma

If you could go anywhere in the world for free where would you go? If you could change one of your parent's rules which one would you change?

3yearold916 karma

If you could go anywhere in the world for free where would you go?

Hawaii. And if it was actually free in the real world then I would want to go to Fiji.

If you could change one of your parent's rules which one would you change?

I would change no TV for the day when I was grounded. I would also change me not getting to drive a car.

silverdirge405 karma

Congratulations on being 5! Now that you're 5 years old, do you feel you've learned a lot since you were 4? Do you feel more "grown up" than last year?

3yearold587 karma

Kind of.

thecreat0r301 karma

What is your opinion on wow wow wuzby?

3yearold609 karma

HORRIBLE! I hate it. I don't even watch it. I HATE THAT SHOW!

yebbit293 karma

My son is one year old. What is one thing you wanted to tell your dad when you were one but couldn't because you didn't know the words?

3yearold966 karma

"I want a dog."

StarryRosey282 karma

What is the scariest thing you can think of?

3yearold616 karma

Green goo turning into a monster of green goo and if it spits green goo at you the green goo is poison and if it gets on you you're poisoned. And it can turn into anything like a scorpion and a tarantula or anything and it can also eat you. And when you're in it you die. And that's all.

Frajer269 karma

Do you like computers?

3yearold462 karma


Galveira251 karma

In 10 years, you will be half as old as I will be in 10 years. How old am I right now?

Edit: Even though the OP got the correct answer and most likely understood the question, I think my wording may be a bit confusing. It's times like these I wish language used parentheses for easy parsing.

I'll try to make it clearer: (OP's age 10 years from today) will be half of (my age 10 years from today). How old am I today?

3yearold609 karma

...[5 minutes of finger counting, "read the question again," and "no, wait! I can do it!]...


Freeside1242 karma

How does it feel to finally be 5 years old?

3yearold487 karma

Umm... crazy.

samx3i206 karma

What did you ask for your birthday?

3yearold384 karma


cassowaryqueen162 karma

What will you name your dragon?

3yearold484 karma

I will name it... FIRE!

kindabiglie130 karma

Legos: Awesome or REALLY AWESOME?

3yearold351 karma

Really awesome! Actually they're not really awesome. They're SUPER AWESOME!

meowfacekillah127 karma

What is your earliest memory?

3yearold501 karma

I remember us going to a gas station when Peyton was first being born, and I was wearing my "best big brother" shirt. We were going to the hospital when Peyton was first being born. And it wasn't a dream but it was a dream come true!

Acadiaa123 karma


3yearold417 karma

Let me think... Girls like honesty, and girls like you giving them flowers. And they like going on boat cruises with a boy. And girls like going to a place where people date on a cruise ship. And they have someone wearing a diaper with a bow and arrow and..... I think that's all.

I guess you must be going on a date with somebody but you don't want to but the girl said you had to. Right?

redjohnsayshi112 karma

What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

3yearold374 karma

I would sneak ice cream. And get comics for free. And go to band and say I'm an invisible ghooooost and if you do not play Wake-up-Hiccup song then I will hauuuuuuunnnnnt you! Then I'll go to my house and turn on the TV and watch it and no one can see me do it cause I'll be invisible.

And I'll also go on an airplane and duck under the people who scan you. But it's ok cause I won't have anything.

DominicM0180 karma

Do you remember doing this twice before?

3yearold97 karma


RoastPeaches64 karma

Do you like cuttlefishes?

Who's your favourite person ever?

3yearold168 karma

What are cuttlefishes?

My dad!

yellowstonedelicious63 karma

What's the perfect age?

3yearold209 karma

The perfect age will be 6.