I am a chef by trade...tell me what is in your cupboard and I will tell you what the fuck to do with it to make dinner/lunch/breakfast. If I can't help you I am sure some redditors have some great opinions.

This is now my favourite AMA ever.

I am visiting my parents at the moment, so I do not have a list, or I would totally be down for some orders.

Bonus points to people that report back with pictures!

Pictures. That would be aces. To the top people, please.

For some reason, you remind me of Mary Poppins.

do explain, please? :)

Short sentences. Quick, no-nonsense orders. Stiffly courteous. Wonderful, odorless, vacuous vagina.

Why thank you. Those first few things are what my girlfriend doesn't like about me. ;)

I have 2 bananas, 3 scoops of ice cream, some chocolate syrup and a slutty wife.

if you were to have a phone number what would it consist of?

Would you be willing to operate and manage a restaurant on the Moon?

fuck yes.

Here is an image of what I have available. I am especially interested in dumplings, soups and appetizers or ideas for what to do with the squid and frozen mussels. I also have a 9.5lb pork tenderloin, that I would like suggestions on.

Did you really just make this picture?

Nah, it was on my computer from a "looking for suggestions" post to r/cooking or r/food a few weeks back. I have all of those things in my kitchen though. I keep a pretty well stocked pantry. I love cooking, but I am always looking for new ideas so I don't get stuck in a rut. I'm making apple butter right now and after looking at this picture I'm seriously considering adding a few of the ginger candies to the pot.

edit: So, do you have any suggestions?

This list I would love to work with. No green curry? Haha. Have you worked much with thai curry soups? lemon grass, bok choy, tomatoes, ginger, chilis, peanuts, chicken? I am sorry but I am so so so tired. This post really blew up and I have been typing for a straight hour now I think. It is bed time for me but I promise I will get back to you tomorrow, okay? :)

I have some pancake mix, cream of mushroom soup, a can of Treet and an old package of strawberry Oreos.

get drunk and drink the pancake mix.

what the hell do I make with a parsnip. Bought them once thinking it would be adventurous. Don't even get what it is.

go and buy a pear. cook both in some butter and heavy cream. puree it. taste that greatness.

also add it to a stew. I eat parsnips for snacks.

I, not being a chef, would like to add that it is great in bolognese, just roasted in the oven with a bit of olive oil, or glazed with honey.

I usually buy a few since they last long, are cheap and adds both flavour and volume to stews.

Roots are so versatile. I love them.

My friend who's MaitreD at this great restaurant in Montreal would always love to quizz customers over what they thought went in the parsnip puree. People (myself included) would say things like "White chocolate", "Cinnamon" "maple syrup".

Nope.. Just parsnip and butter, pureed.

yep, it's that simple. A seared scallop on top aint too shabby either.

raw?

Oh yes. They have a faint sweet taste along with the dirt.

I'd think the tasting like dirt part would override the faint sweetness of it, no?

kidding. i mean earthy.

My neighbor gave me a vennison steak, about a pound maybe. He gave us some ground meat from the same deer previously, and the gamey taste was very strong. Is there anything worthwhile I can do with this steak to tone the flavor down a little?

Yes. Stew it. I personally don't care for venison. I know people do but I don't.

Take that steak and cube it. Rub it with flour. Get a pan smoking hot with oil and sear it. Then, throw in any veggies you have. Root veggies are perfect (parsnips, onions, potatoes, celeriac, carrots etc... Once mixed together hit it with some beer or wine and chicken stock. Cover the pan with some more water and put in an oven at 275 for about 4 hours. If you have any fresh tyhme or rosemary add that shit, too. Of course, don't forget the salt and pepper.

Ok, that sounds plausible, thanks.

oh, be sure to cover it with foil very tight.

Will do. I guess the only thing is that it has very little fat or connective tissue. I picture it coming out of this pretty tough. But it's probably the best bet.

stewing it (slowly cooking for a length of time) makes it melt. believe me.

What is the flour for in this?

A thickener.

Thanks! So it's more to make a gravy-like sauce than to improve the steak in any way?

Yes. If you don't have flour, you could thicken it with potatoes or corn starch, instead. OP is correct, the meat will be tender as long as you cook it as advised. If you don't have any thickeners, you can throw in some noodles, rice or barley & make soup. Sorry, didn't mean to butt in OP.

:)

Spaghettios, frozen chicken nuggets, pizza rolls, mac n cheese, spaghetti, ranch dressing, granola bars. I'm not in college, honest.

That sounds like a great days worth of food. No need to change it.

Ground beef, pasta, no sauce, a lot of seasonings, nuts, tomatoes, tomato paste, beans, cheese, green chili, bread, flour, sugar, Parmesan, butter, yogurt, pickles, lettuce, bean dip, chips, rice, some marinade and Worcester. Go!

sear that ground beef and brown it, dark. large chop your tomatoes and add. once kind of dry hit it with some of that wine you are drinking. slop a dab of tomato paste in it and simmer. meanwhile boil some water.

Make a great dip with your beans, cheese and green chilis. saute the chilis and add the beans a bit of tomato pate and puree. layer that with the cheese and rice. if you have cumin or coriander add thatr shit dude.

when that water boils cook your pasta. serve with the meat sauce and top with your parm. also, hit with a chink of butter at the end.

This is everything in my house. You can probably make tastier and healthier meals than I. :)

Bread flour

All-purpose enriched(non-bleached)

Yeast

Baking soda

Baking flour

Ground cinnamon

Ground ginger

Ground nutmeg

Salt

Eggs

2% milk

Skim milk

Vegetable oil

Vanilla extract

White rice

Molasses

Betty Crocker cornbread and muffin mix

Brown sugar

Granulated sugar

Frozen peas

Salted and unsalted butter

Ground beef

Mac & Cheese (endless supply)

Ramen noodles (endless supply)

Lean grass fed beef and rendered fat from same beef

Endless booze

EDIT: I like food. I thought you should know that.

How about you feed me some of that booze. I will do what I can with the grass fed beef and I will guide you along to making some awesome cookies. You seem to like to bake. :)

I'm usually pretty good at thinking up things to cook but right now I'm down to the dregs of my supplies. For budgetary reasons I'm determined to make what I've got last a few more days but all I can think of to do is stirfrys. Can you think anything up for: olive oil, brown rice, garlic, butternut squash, veggie broth, seitan, black beans, chickpeas, lentils, bread, and fully stocked baking supplies? (Also, in the pantry: maple syrup, brown mustard, sriracha, molasses, apple cider vinegar, soy sauce, balsamic, liquid smoke.)

perfect. roast the squash, set aside. sear the fuck out of that seitan after marinating it in molasses. mix the squash, seitan, black beans, chick peas, lentils and veggie stock in a 1/2 hotel pan. 1/2 cover with water, add some salt and pepper and cook covered for 30 min at 350 covered. pull out and check the lentils. once done add a bit of sugar and serve with some toasted bread.

sear the fuck out of that seitan after marinating it in molasses

Afterwards, soak your skillet for 2000 hours before scrubbing.

Former dishwasher here.

hahaha, i once was in your shoes.

that sounds delicious but you lost me at "hotel pan"

Sorry. A pan with raised sides. For you just grab a brownie pan if you don't have much.

Awesome. This is dinner tomorrow night. THANK YOU!

please let me know if it works. feel free to message me with any questions along the way.

Okay, challenge accepted. Warning, I live in Korea.

I have about 1/4 lbs block of "smoked" "Ham" (more like Spam, but less fatty. Think super lean Spam) Soy sauce, chili paste, Mayo, ranch, frozen garlic cloves, frozen green onion chopped, chocolate cake, tiny fish in a honey sauce, lotus root in a soy sauce/corn syrup muxture, assorted pickled mountain Ferns, a package of 6 saltine crackers, 1L of OJ, chili flake, salt, some butter cookies, and a bag of fried tofu snacks.

Also my water is not potable and I have less than half a Liter left. I have no oven. I cook on a portable gas camping stove. I have maybe 45 minutes of gas left if left on high. I have about 2 cups if vegetable oil left.

...um... also instant coffee mix in individual packages, cocoa, and corn tea. I have maybe a half dozen ice cubes.

20 kilos of rice and a rice cooker.

I just got back from a 3 week vacation. Good luck.

My favorite part of this is the "good luck part". You are going to hate me for this but here is my thought and it will save you your gas and water. Make an mixture of mayo, soy sauce and chili paste...add a drop of the oj. chop the fuck out of the ham. mix it with the mayo and spread on top of the saltines topped with the frozen green onion? this is a pretty good challenge. I have a question. What do you usually do with the ferns and lotus root? Would the lotus root go with the fish at all?

They are all side dishes.

The lotus root tastes like a really starchy potato. It is cut so that all the holes are open and it looks pretty. It has been preserved in the sauce.

The fish are small. Like filtering whale small. Think brine shrimp size. Maybe Max 1 cm in length.

The fern is just pickled vegetable. It has a strong earthy taste and a strong soy sauce salt type of taste. UNAMI+MSG.

By the way, I am going shopping tonight, but I thought I would try you out. Also... should I cook this Ham first?

No, ham is cooked/smoked/cured. No need to cook it.

whats your favorite chicken cutlet dinner (boneless chicken breast)? easy easy pleasey. :) my hubby is getting sick of the same'ol same'ol. :)

DEEEEEP FRIED over some spicey slaw.

easy way is rub your breasts in some eggs that are mixed with hot sauce. then dredge in flour that has some cajun seasoning. fry in oil at 375 for about 4 minutes.

your slaw should include two types of cabbage, scallions, cilantro, red peppers, cider vinegar, sugar, salt, pepper and OJ.

A box of bisquick, chai powder, canned pinapple, boxed stovetop pudding, apples, bris cheese, stale bagels, vanilla tea, and oatmeal. Need to somehow make yummy dessert...

Dude. Chai oatmeal pancakes. Then caramelize some sliced apples and top them pancakes. I know you are going for dessert but damnthat sounds good. New idea for me, thank you. For dessert all I am seeing is chai pudding. Pardon, I don't have much of a sweet tooth.

I have about 4 lb. of pork shoulder I cooked in the crock pot. I was thinking carnitas, do you have any suggestions?

Damn, that makes me salivate. Is it pulled yet or still in the big chunk?

It's mostly one big piece. I also have some of the liquid reserved.

get some butternut squash, onions, canned tomatoes, pinenuts, currants, chickpeas, honey and cayenne. stew them and some large chunks of your pork butt. yes, cook it in some of your liquid. has the liquid cooled yet? if so, skim the fat off the top and chcuk.

I only have a box of Sugar Crisp cereal and some milk. wat do?

keep drinking.

i have top ramen, rice, some beef, milk, oatmeal, milk, halibut. whats for dinner?

what cut of beef?

also. I love how you mentioned milk twice. I drink milk 3 times a day...sometimes 10.

mock duck, refried beens, frozen bell peeper stripes, pancake mix, veggie patties, sugar, frozen peas, tomato sauce, can of clam chowder, most spices

I would first go buy some potatoes. Make some mashers out of them and make a shepherds pie out of the veggie patties (ground up) mock duck, frozen peas, peppers and a little bit of the tomato sauce. You have cinnamon?

Ground beef, rice, prepackaged ramen, Italian pasta, tomato sauce, Chinese noodles, rice noodles, oyster sauce, soy sauce, pickled hot peppers, Jufran banana hot sauce, broccoli, carrots, onions, garlic, cabbage.

Edit: or heck just tell me what to do with banana hot sauce.

any mayo in the fridge?

shred the carrots and cabbage and mix with some of the broccoli (chopped) mix with a drop of soy sauce, sugar (which I hope you have) and the hot sauce. that would make a good salad.

what flavor ramen you have?

if you get some cream and butter you can make a bologense, grind up the onions, carrots and garlic. set aside. brown the ground beef. add the veggie mix. add tomato sauce and cook down on low heat for about 3 hours. finish with cream, butter and some nutmeg if you have it. salt pepper and sugar are a given, right?

I cooked lamb to use in a stew, it smelled too lamb-y so I didn't use it. Its now cooked (with some tomato paste, onion, spice) and I don't know what to do with the meat. I can't eat it alone, so I have to put it in something where it will lose some of the taste. I was thinking something along the lines of an enchilada but obviously something that would go with lamb. Any ideas?

Ummm...You have the beginnings of a classic shepherds pie. Do you have a food processor to grind up the lamb you have? You can flavor the pie with plenty of things. get some corn and peas and any roots you can find. roast and mix with your lamb/tomato mix. top with mashed pots and your favorite cheese. use some paprika. that will mask the lamb taste.

I have eggs, a red onion, a green pepper, a block of sharp cheddar cheese, kosher salt, a pepper grinder, hot paprika, fresh thyme, jalapeno salsa, long grain white rice, oyster sauce, chili oil, sesame oil and a small amount of fresh green beans. I have no steamer and no wok.

Hit me.

Sounds like a frittata. Saute your veggies. Oil bottom of pan and get really hot. drop your scrambled up eggs with a bit of cream hopefully. turn off heat. add your veggies, cheese, and salsa. Then pop in a low temp oven for about 20 minutes, depending...

On the other hand it sounds like you have quite the fried rice ingredients going on. Have you made it before? Cook your rice. Get a pan going with some chili and sesame oil. Saute your veggies, addd your rice and then slowly pour in your beaten eggs. finsih with some oyster sauce.

You can use any kind of pan for this to get it down.

Swanson chicken broth, red cabbage (in a jar) green beans, canned corn, shit loads of hot sauce, canned pickled beets, garbonzos, beef top ramen, frozen meatballs, precooked chicken nuggets, eggs, lots of mustards, mayo, squash, snap peas. Oh! Breakfast sausage. Various spices and seasonings.

Also, this AMA is rad and you're rad.

I am all over your green beans, corn, squash, beets, garbanzos, snap peas and red cabbage. If you have some sugar, salt, pepper, red wine vinegar and oil that would be a great cold salad. :) Breakfast sausage and corn (roast it in oven first) would be a tast egg scramble. Not sure what you have in your spice cabinet but cumin would go well.

No oven.

I have:

Sliced white bread, an onion, garlic, ginger, cream cheese, udon noodles, pasta, assorted curry pastes, rice, sweet chili sauce, tabasco, frozen pork tenderloin, miso paste, pancake mix, couscous, canned red kidney beans, instant oatmeal

thaw the pork loin. slice thin. make a ginger cream cheese. put between the bread. when you say no oven do you also mean no stove top?

What are some interesting ways to flavor basmati rice?

saffron, coriander and lemon.

Tofu, rocket, cabbage, pepper salami, garlic cheese and leftover green curry, pasta, parmesan, tomato paste, no meat, eggs, baby asparagus.

EPIC MEAL TIME?

did you mean to say you have NO meat, eggs or baby asparagus?

I'm sick of scrambled eggs with veggies. Any ideas to liven up my eggs for breakfast?

Honestly I am an egg snot. I can cook those things in every way possible and I only eat them one way. I spent some serious time cooking brunch at some really busy, hip city joints. If you have a good pan I recommend learning how to perfect an over medium locally grown egg with a great piece of toasted thick crunchy bread (ciabatta and the like). There is nothing more decadent, seriously.

how do you flip the egg? i always mess it up

push forward and pull back while lifting the front end in between.

over medium?

I would assume somewhere between over easy and over hard <_<.

and I swear wherever I go no one can make them correctly. Seriously, it's the only thing I am a snot about with food. I never order eggs when I am out.