We are Erika Lust, indie erotic filmmaker creating sex positive adult cinema, and Avril Louise Clarke, clinical sexologist. It's May - Masturbation Month and we're here to talk about anything masturbation. Ask us anything!

Wait. May is Masturbation month? Oh geeze, I've been doing it in the other 11, too. My bad, guys.

Avril: ;) All good. Glad you are celebrating in style all year longg!

I told my wife I jerked off when I was younger, and she was disgusted. A couple weeks later, she asked me if I still jerk off, and I said no. I still jerk off now, but I'm ashamed to tell her. How do you bridge that gap with someone who was brought up in a conservative household?

Avril - Culture, upbringing, education and values play a huge role in how we were raised to think about sex and masturbation. It’s not the easiest gap to bridge but beginning with a simple conversation about what your partners sex education experience was like growing up and if the topic of sex or masturbation was ever a discussion they may have had. You might be surprised where the conversation goes!

I got a three-parter, sorry. How does masturbation affect other aspects of life, such as:

1) physical performance (e.g. is masturbating before going for a run/to the gym a good idea?);

2) mood (e.g. how does masturbation affect people suffering from depression / anxiety); and

3) health (e.g. if one is fighting a serious illness, could masturbation help or hinder recovery?)

Perhaps you could recommend some studies that look into any of the above?

Erika - Thanks for your question! 1. physical performance: some people think it has a negative impact on their performance while others think that it helps. I’m afraid that the answer is pretty inconclusive! I’d recommend that you do a study on yourself and see how you feel when you masturbate before working out! Each body is different.
2. mood: masturbating releases a number of endorphins and decreases the stress hormones in your body so it can positively affect your mood. 3. health: there have been studies that look at the effects of orgasm through masturbation on the immune system but I think the participant numbers were low and so I would think the results are pretty inconclusive.

Does masturbating make you slowly blind? Because when I started at 13, my eyesight was very good. And now at 50 it sucks!

Erika - Haha, keep up the good work ;). Say it loud, say it clear - masturbating won’t make you blind!

How would you respond to "Men who consume pornography regularly have reported less stable mental health, specifically higher levels of depression." Source

Or, PsychologyToday's take: " Pornography use is widespread, and often problematic , and has been shown to generally have a negative impact on couples and gender relations, leading men and women to devalue one another". source

What do you think about girls that turn 18 and immediately start an Onlyfans? Would you agree that to some point they've equated sexual value with selfworth?

Avril - I think it’s always ideal for any consumer of porn to use a porn literacy framework to examine how one uses porn, what they get out of it, what emotions come up before, during, and after watching porn. If one has a healthy relationship to porn, they may use it as a visual stimuli to explore sexual interests and to bring themselves pleasure. If one is using porn as a way to seek relief from a mental illness like depression, I always suggest speaking to a mental health care professional and finding activities outside of watching porn to exert energy and release dopamine in a way that feels good to them!

Begin by asking yourself: Am I a conscious consumer of porn? What type of porn do I consume, does it contribute to or promote harmful stereotypes? (e.g. racism, fetishisation of LGBTQ+ folks, objectification of women, etc.)

Erika - I wouldn’t say that opening up an OnlyFans necessarily means equating sexual value with self worth. It’s like saying that a 18 year old girl looking for whatever job is equating her self worth with that job. People of any age start an OnlyFans for a variety of reasons, whether it’s because they’re looking for an additional income or because they just want to feel free to communicate sexually their own way in their own personal channel. What about starting to think about sex work as real work? What really matters here is that these girls are in charge of what they do and are not obliged to do it by someone else. They are in charge of the type of content they create and share just as much as of the money they make from it.

How much is too much?

Avril - If your masturbation habits begin to affect your ability to live your life and keep up with your everyday responsibilities, I would suggest taking a little break. If not, I always say there is no such thing as too much self pleasure!

What are your opinions on communities such as r/nofap and r/pornfree? I know they have positive intentions but how effective are they in reality and is all that abstinence even necessary?

Avril - Everyone has their own values when it comes to sex and masturbation. To me, being a sex-positive person means being accepting of other’s sexual practices and behaviours!

This is Reddit, what do you think people here don't know already about masturbating? Just kidding :) sort of.. But really, what are the biggest misconceptions people have regarding masturbating?

Erika - I think I’m surrounded by masturbating experts here ;). To be honest my number one biggest concern is with the misconception surrounding women’s masturbation - that it’s dirty or something to be ashamed of. This has resulted in a huge number of women who do not know their bodies, or how to touch themselves, how they like to be touched, how to give themselves pleasure. Most men have their first sexual experience with themselves when they first masturbate, but for a lot of women their first sexual experience is with another person. I think that really sets the stage for a lot of issues relating to the pleasure gap in later life. So women, please go ahead and show your body some self lovin’ as often as you can!

My wife (45) never masturbated growing up, and she doesn’t like to touch herself. However, she just discovered the wand and now I think she loves it more than me ;)

Erika - Great news! This is what I like to hear. Maybe you could buy her some other toys to help her along her journey of self discovery ;)

I almost always cry when I masturbate and it makes me feel horrible even though I've no reason to feel this way. It's so annoying and really ruins it for me when I need a quick release and my guy is away. How do you get over something like this? I've tried therapy but not a sex therapist

Erika - I’m really sorry to hear this but rest assured that you’re not alone in this. I would recommend that you try mindful masturbation. You can check out a guide that Avril and I recently wrote to mindfulness masturbation here. And also a free video guide here Good luck & I hope it helps!

Is it possible to maaturbate too much? I'm not taking 5 times a day but an average of once a day every day?

I ask because before this whole pandemic nonsense I had no trouble getting hard, but ever since lockdown and having too much free time on my hands, I find it difficult to get hard or even orgasm if it isn't me doing it. Blowjobs, handjobs, nothing works if it isn't me.

Obviously, this has led to some difficult situations with women and I've had to resort to viagra more than once to fix it.

Avril - Masturbation is a healthy form of sexual exploration! I don’t believe there is no such thing as masturbating too much - especially if it’s just once a day. During the pandemic, many of us resorted to masturbating more frequently! It’s a great stress reliever which many found comforting during lockdown. Although with all that social distancing, not a lot of partnered sex was going on! I suggest finding a way to feel calm going into partnered sexual experiences. Whether this is through communicating with your sexual partner, prolonging foreplay, or taking it slower than pre-pandemic partnered sexual experiences.

Have you tried not masturbating? Just for a few days to see how you feel

Erika - Overrated!!! ;)

Do you have any advice for people who have trouble reaching orgasms? Such as women who can't seem to get over the edge, or men who struggle to stay hard (despite being young and healthy).

Avril: Definitely! For penis and vulva owners, make sure that you are in a relaxing environment where you can have time alone connected with just your body and the sensations alone. This is what we call “Mindful Masturbation”, which is the practice of connecting the body and the mind and freeing yourself from all thoughts and anxiety that might be holding you back from “getting over the edge”. It’s common to become distracted in our thoughts - even when we masturbate/have sex. This is what Sex Researchers Masters and Johnson call “spectatoring”. Spectatoring is the complete opposite of mindful sex. Everyone has experienced this. It can be recognized as the critical internal dialogue that you may experience during sex. The one that is worried about the way one's body looks or one's sexual performance.

For a man is there a more enjoyable way to masterbate than the classic hand and penis method. It’s works for me but I wouldn’t mind a more pleasurable way to do it. Any suggestions?

Erika - Get creative! Hump a pillow! Do it infront of a mirror! Get some toys! Play with your frenulum! Find your prostate! Use your other hand! The options are endless…

Is porn ED a real thing? As someone who has masturbated to porn a few times a week for years now, it feels like it's gotten harder to actually enjoy actual sex.

Avril - Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is not experienced as a direct relation to consuming porn but when people begin to experience ED and feel it has a relation to their porn watching habits, I always suggest taking a break from free online porn and getting back into touch with their body and using fantasy as a tool to explore rather than intense visual stimuli like free online porn.

As a woman, is it normal to masturbate over underwear? When I touch myself over the cloth, it's fine and the friction gets me off. Whenever I have tried putting my finger directly on my body it doesn't do anything for me.

Erika - That’s totally fine! There are no rules when it comes to self pleasure - you do what feels best for you.

In 1994, US Sugeon General Joycelyn Elders was forced to resign by the White House, who disagreed with her view that masturbation should be promoted to young people as an alternative to riskier forms of sexual activity.

27 years on, how has America's attitude toward masturbation changed in general, and where do you stand on including masturbation in the sex ed curriculum?

Avril - A great point in history! Her resignation was the kicking off point when Masturbation Month began - and what myself and Erika are here to celebrate today! Thank you for your thoughtful question.

Erika’s non-profit project, The Porn Conversation, includes the topic of masturbation. We believe self pleasure is an essential topic to speak about in a comprehensive sex education curriculum. Not only is it an alternative to more risky forms of sexual behavior, but it is a healthy exploration of one’s body. With The Porn Conversation, we are campaigning for a more educated and alert generation, who are prepared and ready to make better choices about their sexual health; driven by knowledge, and not by fear or shame.

Does masturbating to porn when younger, cause less interest in sexual partners when you get older?

Erika - It shouldn’t cause less interest in sexual partners if you are using porn as an entertainment tool to compliment your self pleasure! Having solo sex and using porn as an aid offers a different experience to having sex with a partner.

Favorite candy bars?

Erika - Candy thong

What is a good way of introducing mutual masturbation with a self conscious partner?

Erika - First things first, communicate (outside of the bedroom).Tell your partner that you’d like to try it & see what they think! If they’re also into it then you can make a date of it. Make a nice erotic setting, light some candles, and then engage in some mutual self lovin’! Also if you want some inspo you can watch this free tutorial here.

Do you think we're opening up more and more with talking about masturbation? I'm old now, but when I was growing up, NO one talked about it. If anyone was caught, it was such a shameful thing. But it seems that over the past 6 decades, things have gotten more out in the open.

My question is, while things are more open now with how we talk about this, what would you like to see going forward in relation to how we discuss this as a society?

Erika - We still have a long way to go! I wish we could normalise masturbation as self care and something that we should be practicing every day to make ourselves feel good. There are so many health benefits to masturbation that we’re still not discussing. Sexual wellness should be just as important as your mental and physical wellness.

Will I get more and better orgasms the more I masturbate?

Erika - Give me more! Yes, you can actually train yourself to have bigger and better orgasms. That’s a very good excuse to start practicing ;)

Hi Erika. Whatever happened to the 1970s and 80s porn films that had decent actors and good storylines? I haven't seen your films but the feature length films of today that I have seen are usually parodies or poorly written sex films with no nuance or plot. I feel like we need good directors again to bring back the golden age of porn. I'll definitely check out your videos because I believe that the indie films still hold onto this idea of quality porn films with a decent plot.

Erika - Good question! I ask myself this a lot too. The unfortunate reality is that the golden age of porn was ruined by the free tube sites. Now we have an uncontrollable amount of low budget movies with low-grade quality and a majority audience of people who are not willing to pay to watch porn. Adult cinema costs money to make and adult performers deserved the be paid for their work. On my site XConfessions.com I invest around €17,000 in every short film. We pay a professional crew to work in styling, location, art direction, cinematography and we also invest in post-production, sound, colour correction and take equal care of the arts and graphics that accompany the films because we want to bring back the golden age!

Are you going to be recording these masturbating sessions? So we can view them? For science of course.

I do have other questions but they are more about adult filmmaking than masturbation.

Erika - Yes the live masturbation session will be recorded! It will be released for free on [Lust Zine](www.erikalust.com/lustzine) as part of The Lust Ed video series - an explicit sex ed for adults. You can watch some other masturbation tutorials that we already have while you wait!

I have a question for Erika vaguely related to porn use while masturbating.

I know you make porn that is of quality, like beautiful porn. Would you consider making more porn that caters to lesbians? I know you have some lesbian porn, but it feels directed towards straight women (the women were all high fem.) would love to see more queer looking women in queer porn that is made for queers!

Erika - I totally get your point and that’s why I’m encouraging more and more queer directors to join me and offer their unique and authentic representation of queer sexualities. The LGBTQ+ directors I already collaborate with are finding in my platforms a safe space to express themselves going beyond common fetishisations often found in mainstream porn. You may want to check out our latest XConfessions release Rico Rico by queer director Maximus Skaff or The Night We Met by Aleix Rodón :)

I am a gay man who mostly enjoys mutual masturbation with other men. I think it’s really important to see how a partner pleasures themselves to learn how you can provide them pleasure if things lead there. However, I’ve been met with a lot of resistance and people saying that isn’t, “real sex.” What are you thoughts on mutual masturbation?

Erika - I am all here for mutual masturbation between couples! It can deepen your bond with a partner, enhance sexual communication in a relationship and it’s generally a very erotic and intimate thing to do together. I believe, just like solo masturbation, that mutual masturbation is a form of sex just the same as partnered or penetrative sex. However the caveat is, of course, that this is only the case if both partners are interested in it & enjoy it. Some of your partners may not have liked it for a variety of personal reasons, if this is the case - that’s really their choice that you should respect.

Hello, huge fan of your work, Erika. IMHO the best out there (only porn I buy).

My wife likes to masturbate her asshole with small toys or a single finger. However, she is concerned about keeping her vagina clean or untouched by the toys. What's your take on female anal masturbation?

Erika - Hello! Thanks for your question & I’m happy to hear that you’re a fan :). I am all for anal masturbation but your wife is completely right to not allow her anal toys to go inside of her vagina whilst masturbating. Using the same toy in the vagina and the anus without properly cleaning it in-between uses can cause infections. No one wants that!

What do you recommend for teaching children (and girls specifically) about masterbation as part of their sex ed, so that it’s part of the whole picture of healthy human sexuality, and not this other “thing?”

Avril: Great question! I answered a similar question previously, but just to review: Erika’s non-profit project, https://thepornconversation.org/, which I wrote the curriculum for includes the topic of masturbation for both vulva owners and penis owners. We believe self-pleasure is an essential topic to speak about in a comprehensive sex education curriculum. With The Porn Conversation, we are campaigning for a more educated and alert generation, who are prepared and ready to make better choices about their sexual health; driven by knowledge, and not by fear or shame. The Porn Conversation will be getting an update in a month so look out for new material then!