--------UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE--------

Thank you, thank you for stopping in! I've been at this AMA for two days straight, so I think I'm going to wrap it up until further notice. If you'd still like to get in touch with me, feel free to send a mention on twitter to @shoeofallcosmos.

See you guys later!

Also here's the proof I completely forgot to provide, me looking like a bucktoothed idiot: http://i.imgur.com/vDuqm.jpg

--------UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE--------


There will be a live video AMA this evening on Vokle at 7 central time. Thursday, December 1st, 7 central, 8 eastern. http://www.vokle.com/series/19652-hillary-adams

Reddit was the reason my mother and I actually have ground to stand on now, because no one ever believed us before the video was made public. No one believed my father was such a person. He was so perfect on the outside.

I've gotten messages from literally all over the world, Germany, Costa Rica, Netherlands, Australia, France, Mexico, the UK... I had no idea it was such a global issue, that so many people were being hurt in their own homes. I guess nobody really knows how to talk about it, since we're all badgered by our own respective situations into remaining quiet. Well, that silence has been broken, and now a lot of people are speaking out about their own experiences with abusive parents. Today I'm here to share my own story with you guys.

Thirty days ago, I was watching open-mouthed as the video's link climbed up to front page. Reddit, thank you for saving not only me and my mother, but many other people out there who may not know what they're dealing with at home.

And now, I will get some basic questions out of the way to make room for the more unique questions I'm sure you Redditors can come up with.


There was barely a motive except for being frustrated at Dad's harassment over text messaging to both myself and my mother. My mother would call me and cry, helpless and angry at his manipulation through my little sister. I was sick of it.

A little over a year ago, Dad insisted on buying me a used Mercedes (I originally asked for a Mazda, but I went along with his idea because holy soap on a rope, a Mercedes!), and then yelled at me whenever I used it to transport anyone other than myself. The agreement was that I was to return to college, and when I missed deadlines (my fault entirely), he told me to either purchase the car from him or return it and he'd release my school savings to me. I told him "speak of the devil, I'm waiting on a callback for a better job".

Later that day, "I got the job! I can pay you for the car!" Then suddenly, he wouldn't allow me to buy it and called me an "insulting ingrate", because I'd dared earlier to reach out to friends on twitter about his treatment of me and my mother. He couldn't stand that I found a solution and was even more upset that I'd said a few words suggesting he was not perfect, and set me up for failure by demanding the car back and stranding me without a vehicle in the spread-out San Antonio, Texas, so there was barely any reliable way I could hold a job or go to college now.

I was so frustrated by his behavior that I uploaded the video privately and showed Mom, who burst out crying and didn't stop apologizing to me for three days. She'd known the video existed since Spring, but had not watched it. I told her I was thinking of publishing it. She was afraid of what would happen and didn't encourage me nor hold me back. After sleeping on it, Dad started harassing me about the car again, demanding it be returned. I finally said "do that and I release a video to the public of you beating the shit out of me".

His response? "Do that if it will make you feel better. You were never spanked but obviously should have been."

Q: Why not solve it in private rather than going to the internet? A: Dad was a County Court-At-Law Judge. This meant he reigned over the county police, the entire courthouse, and different positions in town like the schoolboard. He was the perfect citizen. People swooned over him. He won every election unopposed, and the two times he did have an opponent, he won by a landslide. During the divorce when Mom felt threatened enough to call the police, Dad would talk to them and they'd mysteriously leave. She tried talking to a counselor, but Dad had filled him in beforehand on the "correct" way to treat her complaints. Whenever I tried to say I needed help and was being treated horrifically at home, people would scoff and tell me what a wonderful father I had. THERE WAS NO WAY TO SOLVE IT PRIVATELY, because Dad would squash any outreach. He controlled the community. Anyone remotely employed with the government who knew how he really operated was scared to death to come forward, because he could have them fired. He even threatened my little sister's school counselor's job if she said anything suggesting abuse during sessions. I even called CPS days before the video went up and asked how to get a kid away from a severely manipulative and emotionally abusive parent, and I got fed a big ream of red tape. Everything was useless. He had always been winning and it wasn't changing.

My father once told me that the media could be considered like another branch of the law system, in a different sort of way, because they keep tabs on all kinds of other people. I remembered this. If the law was his turf, then the internet was mine. And if the internet could keep tabs on the law, then...

I anonymously posted the video to /pol/, not saying I had anything to do with it. When anons became outraged and demanded to know what was going on, I revealed that it was me. They encouraged me to make the video's youtube link public. So I did, and comments started appearing. That's when the fire bit me and I posted it to Reddit.

Q: So your motive was... A: To shock Dad into changing. I wanted him to see that there were a number of people who were saying this was wrong. It was wrong what he did. I wanted him to see it and the comments and be horrified and apologize. I wanted to turn a mirror on him. Instead, he still believes he did nothing bad, as evidenced in this statement: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye2UeLBGnlk

Q: But wait! He says you were caught stealing! A: I used KaZaA to download video game music and terrible AMVs. All he knew was that something was potentially illegal. I was one of the best kids in town, my friends and I didn't stay out late, we didn't cause trouble, we didn't know what drugs and alcohol even were. We didn't even litter. Our idea of a fun time was going to a movie and Walmart. So any tiny thing that I did that could even be perceived as wrong was blown out of proportion.

Q: He also says you weren't hurt. A: Pfffffthahahahaha, I showed him the bruises all up and down my legs the day after the incident, and told him it hurt to walk. He looked at me with his own two eyes and told me "good". It is a preposterous lie that I wasn't hurt and I'm upset he would say such a thing. He also lied through his teeth in the statement he released to the public, in which he said he was the "primary" support for me after I was out of the house, which is frankly a load of bullshit. I work and my boyfriend works. We pay our own bills, and we always have. The only things my father paid for was my car and my phone, so he had control over my transportation and communication. The perfect puppet strings.

Q: Why have you forgiven your mother and not your father? A: Mom and I have always been best friends, and always were able to work through things, even if we squabbled. We spent so much time together. She gave up her career to raise me, a special needs baby, and guided me into college classes at age 15, and scholarships like the Coca-Cola Scholarship. Without her I don't know if I'd be this far. When I showed her the video, she was horrified. She was broken. She cried and stammered apologies to me for three days. When Dad saw the video, he didn't think anything of it.

My grandmother once said a long time ago that it would take the entire world to get my father to change... Now we have it, and it's still proving to be difficult... It's so hard to stick to my guns of wanting to offer him help and counseling, because the more he withdraws and refuses to apologize, the more upset I am becoming. I still need counseling myself.

No one at all should have to understand abuse or how it works, but unfortunately it's something that should be researched and taught, so we know how to protect ourselves. Please, if you have never been manipulated or abused, think about inflammatory comments very carefully. There are lots of people out there who share this unfortunate boat and it won't help a thing to make light of it. Research battered wives, Stockholm Syndrome, narcissism, psychopathy, and the cycle of abuse that keeps people locked in. It's frightening and absolutely anyone 100% can fall into it under the right circumstances. Don't feed that line of "I would have just walked away". No, you wouldn't have. I apologize for being crass. This is a serious subject. Hopefully we can together approach it with tact and friendliness.

Alrighty, I think I got the main questions out of the way already. I know it's a wall of text, but it's so difficult to condense... Hopefully you guys will come up with some more creative questions instead!!

I really hope you'll join me tomorrow evening for the video broadcast! :3 I want to talk about experience with the media and what Dr. Phil was like and all that.

But most of all, thank you, Reddit. You guys saved me and my mother, and you saved countless other people out there too. I myself had no idea that video was so bad until you guys and /pol/ told me. Thank you.


Comments: 1638 • Responses: 40  • Date: 

igormorais482 karma

I don`t know if this will get buried or not. But I can relate, in a sense. I know what it feels like to grow under a parent ( or parents) who can not conceive the possibility that they might be wrong. To live under a crushing self-righteousness that doesnt bend and instead has you grow up bending emotionally to accomodate it. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that " hey, I might not have been wrong after all, they were" , but even so it is hard to look upon the face of the person who for the bigger part of your life was the equivalent of a God and really believe they are wrong, not you. Not just that, but to live with a resentment that would die so quickly with a simple apology, that tragically, is unlikely to come. What I mean to say is this: your father is wrong. He is wrong. He is wrong. He is wrong. You didnt deserve that. He is wrong. Let it sink in. He is wrong. Even if the whole world cant convince him of it, he is wrong. Believe it. Good luck with your life.

shoeofallcosmos201 karma

Holy balls, you put it into words much better than I have been able to. Thank you. I'm sorry you have to know these things. :(

[deleted]273 karma


shoeofallcosmos378 karma


IcySpace155 karma

Do you think that your dad was a fair and honest judge?

Do you think he should keep his job as a judge?

shoeofallcosmos257 karma

I never sat in on cases more than a couple times throughout the years, so I can't say for sure.

I was willing to stand by his keeping his position, but the longer he refuses to apologize or change, the more upset I am becoming.

prplhayes130 karma

I've been following you on twitter since this whole thing occurred, and I noticed that a lot of youtube comments and twitter replies seem to indicate that they think that you're making a bigger deal out of all this than it really is and that the whole camera was a "set up". Personally I disagree and I have been wanting to ask you for awhile if the reason you set the camera up is because you really instigated it or if this was a recurring thing.

shoeofallcosmos275 karma

The media came to me, not the other way around, lol. People don't understand that. All I did was post the video. As for the content, I instigated nothing seven years ago, except if you count downloading things from KaZaA. Why would I instigate a beating? That shit stings and burns so bad it makes you curl up. What I see from people trying to poke holes is that they're just trying to act smart by playing devil's advocate, just because they want to feel different and better than others.

prplhayes91 karma

Thank you for answering. I agree entirely. I can't think of anything that would justify what I saw in the video, let alone doing something as innocent as downloading music (IDGAF where you got it from, you weren't hurting anyone). I also wanted to say that I watched you on Dr. Phil and your necklace made me smile. lol

shoeofallcosmos85 karma

Thanks for understanding. :)

myDogIsBetterThanYou120 karma

holy shit. I thought I was a pretty hardened guy and I cried. Fuck him.

shoeofallcosmos169 karma

There is nothing wrong with showing emotion. If anything it makes you manlier than all the "tough guys" putting up fronts.

[deleted]97 karma

I like your pluckiness. You're going to be okay. Thanks for the AMA.

shoeofallcosmos59 karma


GameLoser9369 karma

i cant tell you enough how badly i wanted to beat the shit out of your dad. my mom and i saw this video on headline news after i had briefly watched it on reddit and she just started bawling. she was an abused child and since she grew up in a different time as far as technology goes, it was just shrugged off. she never did find help and her father was never actually punished for it. thank you for being the resilient awesome person you are. i dont think you know how important it is to have people like you. thank you.

shoeofallcosmos50 karma

Tell her my heart goes out to her, and that I'm sorry for dredging up such awful feelings. I hope she's doing okay.

You're welcome. ^

tealtoaster60 karma

I can't really think of anything to ask that hasn't already been covered, but I'm glad everything is working out well for you. And ummm...you're cute, so if you ever decide to go gay, let me know. :) Take care & keep your head up.

shoeofallcosmos66 karma

Daww, thanks. X3 I wear a rainbow ribbon for support whenever I go out. Is it confusing for a straight person to do that?

mauxly59 karma

I want to say thank you. Thank you so much. My mother used to whip me with an electric cord until I bled, all the while I screamed for mercy.

I've spent countless hours in therapy to recover from this, but until I saw your video I still thought maybe I was making too big a deal of it.

Once I saw your video, and I could see exactly what it looked like on the outside, I realized that indeed I was justified in the sorrow I'd had over a lost childhood. To be honest, I couldn't watch the whole video, I got a few seconds in - it was too much for me.

Anyway, I commend the courage that you had to come public with this.

EDIT - Oh god, internet TMI. I feel weird now. I actually have a question. Did you see the Passion of Christ? If so, how did it affect you? I only ask this because when I saw it I had a severe PTSD moment and had to walk out.

shoeofallcosmos30 karma

Oh god, are you okay? Would you say therapy has helped? I'm so sorry...

I never did see Passion of the Christ. When it came out I had an ultra-religious friend who kind of turned me off to the whole thing, but I'm open to seeing it now. I'm sorry it had that effect on you...

Immamoonkin55 karma

I've read on your Twitter account where you accused your father for using your words against your own mother, and basically lying to the court. Have you said anything to the Judge viewing your case, or have you let this slide with just a few bitter twitter remarks?

Also, I hope you don't take my comment to be mean at all. I was also abused like you were, and I'm 100% behind you.

shoeofallcosmos72 karma

I don't think it's allowed for someone to influence the presiding judge outside of court. Believe me I want to tell him a thing or two. :( For now I'm just venting.

jin35747 karma

This may be a hard question to answer, but what is your favorite memory of your dad? My father and I have never seen eye to eye, but I still remember when he first taught me to hunt. I never was a fan of it and still don't like it, but it was something he was genuinely passionate about and that made it a great memory.

shoeofallcosmos147 karma

That's great, I'm happy you got to share that.

It's difficult to think back on good memories, because the few that there were are now tainted with hindsight and what he was really thinking.

There was one day, however, when the three of us were in New York when I was 12 or so, and the Dreamcast was on display in GameStop. I turned around and saw that my parents had each grabbed a controller, playing DOA and laughing and freaking out over the leap forward in game technology, button mashing and shrieking out loud. That was the first and last time I ever saw them do something like that together, just for pure fun, just for a few seconds, and thinking about it now makes me want to cry.

woomobile39 karma

Why are you so cool?

shoeofallcosmos301 karma

I started using Certain Dri on my underarms and now I barely sweat at all!

corpus_callosum38 karma

Didn't watch the video. Can't handle seeing people being abused. But good luck to you.

shoeofallcosmos26 karma

Thanks, I don't blame you for not watching.

universalgma32 karma

Living with your father must have been horrible, how often did he beat you & was there any other forms of abuse besides the punishment seen in the video?

shoeofallcosmos78 karma

Psychological manipulation happened every single day and continued all the time after I moved out. He used the belt as punishment since I was a child, but it didn't turn into full-blown beatings until I was a teenager. I can only specifically remember two and the reasons why they happened, but I know for a fact there were several more, and other incidents like kicking me and stepping on my wrist.

JaceTheMindsculptor29 karma

Is there a book deal in the works?

shoeofallcosmos74 karma

My mother has touched base with one of her favorite authors on the subject of abuse, but I don't know what's happening there. I would greatly enjoy writing up an autobiography. Maybe I could turn it into a dark comedy.

Twisty_Tie27 karma

This might be kind of a hard question to answer, but how has your view of men in general changed after all of this? Do you find it hard to be trusting?

Thanks for doing this AMA, by the way.

shoeofallcosmos91 karma

Not at all. We're all our own person, no matter what gender we identify with. The boyfriend and I have been together for over four years and I'm not going to let one sad dad change that. XD

I do have trouble believing people aren't being manipulative when they're in actuality just being honest.

[deleted]24 karma

shoeofallcosmos53 karma

The truth is that a very good friend of mine, who I trust and care for, ended up having some unorthodox sexual preferences. Years ago I reacted badly when he told me, and we fell through for a while. But then we both grew up, and I realized my friend was the same guy no matter what he preferred in bed. So I joined a forum he was on for moral support. The quote everyone is talking about is a joke I made in a thread about "techniques", I think. Can't remember. Myself, I am straight and into humans, lol.

jimmyjaysf24 karma

What has been the response in your community by the people who once feared your father? Have people come forward to apologize to you... people who in the past did not believe what an abusive man your father was?

shoeofallcosmos44 karma

Every single one of my friends has apologized to me for not realizing anything was wrong, but it isn't their fault. Things were concealed very well. Adults around our hometown are reeling, and from what I've heard, at least one formal complaint has been issued regarding his courtroom behavior, and a couple of other government employees have stepped forward as well to say how he treated them in front of others.

AlwaysSayHi22 karma

Ms. Adams --

I don't have anything to ask you. I just want to say "thanks" for being a living example of the fact that when "special needs babies" get those needs met, they excel, even in the face of other extreme adversities. And often make the rest of us look like the underachievers.

So, um, thanks. You appear to be thriving, which is only what you deserve. Please do keep on doing so, and to hell with any negative voices -- they deserve to be ignored. But then, it seems like you have some experience in ignoring (or at least striving to fend off) negativity.

Onward and upward! And best of luck in all things.

shoeofallcosmos19 karma

Pshaw, I'm no Mrs. But thanks! Thank you so much for being here, and for all your kind words.

Whooleahh21 karma

It's too bad that people expect you to remember every day, detail, and word ever said in your life. I would like to seem them uphold themselves to the same standard as they are trying to hold you up to. There have been many more issues in modern media with much less credibility than you are giving us here over the internet. Just wanted to say that you're an awesome person for having the strength to do all of this!

shoeofallcosmos20 karma


I feel that way, too... Any hater I'm sure would be shaking to their core if people went and dug up everything they'd ever said and presented it in front of an audience. XD

throwaway24601y19 karma

Whats the schedule like for your sisters custody battle? It went on recess over TG and I haven't heard anything since.

shoeofallcosmos23 karma

Apparently that was only the preliminaries to determine where she's going until the real custody battle begins. TT__TT I don't know when that will be.

The_Dirt_McGurt17 karma

I'm not interested in talking about the video or your dad. I think that disturbing image has haunted me and others enough for now, though I must say I am hoping your dad is never asked to judge a case again. I am interested in what you do, are you working? Going to school? Whats your average day like and how did you manage to become self sufficient and move out of your abusive home? I am really impressed by your writing, I would have had no clue that you were once a "special needs child." Good luck and thanks for the AMA.

shoeofallcosmos26 karma

Aw, thanks. Right now I'm..."between jobs", as Scott Pilgrim said. Truthfully I had a breakdown at work last week, like full blown honking and crying in the store, and put in my notification. I already applied on Monday at our apartment complex seeking to be hired as a leasing agent. This is giving me some days to organize some things and clean the house a little. Which reminds me, I need to call a financial adviser tomorrow to set up college classes.

I never knew I had a breaking point, but apparently I found it. :( I haven't said anything because I'm ashamed of losing my head in the middle of work. At least the store was empty at the time.

Since all this happened, my average day is still pretty pathetic (may be de-hanced for comedic value): 1) Wake up between 8:30 and 10, depending on how late I was up the night before 2) Clean myself 3) Check internet 4) Return phone calls while checking more internet 5) Forget to eat lunch 6) Make the bed 7) Eat something like chocolate to stave off hunger 8) More phone calls, texts, chores, setting up interviews 9) Boyfriend is home! Hi, Boyfriend! 10) Make dinner 11) Wish I was playing video games while eyeing roommate and his Skyrim taking up the TV 12) Check internet instead 13) Nightcap 14) Sleep

Hopefully pretty soon I should have a work schedule to slip in there too.

The "special needs" thing is because as a baby I failed to thrive physically, and could barely stand or walk or transfer things from hand to hand without lots of practice and assistance. Palsy of the cerebral variety only affects the physical parts of the brain, so basically you're permanently drunk. To this day I can't do anything normally except walk and stuff. :P It's a disability, but I do not consider myself "disabled", if that makes sense.

cleantowels17 karma

Given the magnitude of the circumstances that surrounded the release of the video and the resultant and overwhelmingly positive clamor of support in your favor; has there been any point during this where you have said or done anything in particular you would rather have done differently? If so why?

Not to say that I was in a similar or even remotely close situation, but psychologically being tormented or made to feel like shit can definitely mess with your head. In terms of professional help in the matter; has yourself or your mother been approached by anyone? I ask only out of sheer curiosity.

shoeofallcosmos33 karma

Sometimes I wish I could rewind and micromanage a little more, but in the end I keep going back to my mantra of embracing and learning from the journey that got me to where I am. I do wish people I know hadn't gotten dragged into it, however. It's my problem and not theirs.

On the same subject, if someone catches me in a contradiction, I try to explain the best I can, even if I don't know the answer. Someone caught one in this very AMA, haha.

My mother and I have been offered free counseling, which we desperately need. It's such a convoluted story, especially for her. The counseling offer is extended to my father as well, but he has not made any motion to accept.

cleantowels10 karma

Secondary question if I may; do you happen to know if his means of punishment was something that was something that he went through as a child from his parents? I ask because in a lot of situations the parents will repeat the same means of raising their kids that they themselves were raised with (they got beat, so they beat; they got yelled at, so they yell etc)?

shoeofallcosmos32 karma

Definitely, cycles continue. I know his mother (my granny) was an alcoholic and had a bad temper, but I don't know what really happened since I wasn't there. I do know Dad has refused to visit me even once after I moved out. Mom has visited me many times. I asked Dad why he won't accept my invitations, and he said that "my father never visited my house so why should I visit you". So he definitely has that mentality.

He also said "because I don't want to sleep on a couch" and "because I don't feel like it" to reject my invitations during the same phone call... :(

cbabraham14 karma

Do you believe that corporal punishment with regard to parents and children should be legal? Do you think it has merit? Right now it's legal to spank your kids in all 50 states.

shoeofallcosmos59 karma

Corporal punishment is such a personal and evenly split issue. I honestly don't know where I stand. We don't want children to hit, and yet we hit them, but also it can be done out of love, but then it can get out of control, but sometimes it's the only thing left to get an unruly tyrant child's attention. There is no answer, in my opinion.

Valintiin12 karma

I research psychopathology, with my main interest being psychopathy. I can stand up for what you say about battered wives, etc. Social situations have tremendous influence, such that many of us who say "I would help an injured woman in a crowd", would never actually do it. I didn't understand this concept until I was raped, and I pray (lol not religious) that many other people never have to come to a full realization of it.

So I can't say I have a question, but hug my comrade. I'm so proud of you for everything about this.

shoeofallcosmos11 karma

Wow! Can you point me to any resources? I want to learn as much as I can.

Thank you so much... It's terrible that we as people have to learn about these things.

djarbiter11 karma

Are you faithful to any religion? How did your upbringing affect your faith (or possible lack thereof)?

shoeofallcosmos46 karma

I was brought up Episcopalian and played piano for a Lutheran church for 8 years, but nowadays I'm almost entirely atheist. Like a lot of Redditors I grew up naturally questioning that sort of thing. I don't think my upbringing affected my faith very much, as neither parent was strict in enforcing it.

djarbiter17 karma

Interesting. I'm also atheist, but my father's side of the family tends to be very fundamentalist/Evangelical Christian, and as Christianity often does, the restrictive teachings provide the framework for which I'm evaluated by the family. It was hard to deal with when I was young, but I'm thankful for the skepticism with which I approach things now. I'm always fascinated to know how it plays a role in other families, as it was the backbone for what is 'acceptable' with mine.

Thanks for the response and the best of luck to you with future proceedings. You've given a voice and hope to so many who need it and otherwise lack it :)

shoeofallcosmos9 karma

You're welcome! I think you put things into words very well.

xxxSnappyxxx10 karma

Congrats to you for what you did!!! it took courage, especially to go onto such a public stage. My dad whipped me like that when I was younger (sometimes my legs were left bleeding) and not until my early 20s did I realize it was abuse.

I don't have a question as much as I want to say that what you have done is an inspiration for victims to stand up for what is right. Just because something happened in the past, doesn't make it right... I hope your bravery inspires others to stand up against abusers and attacks.

and as a side note, you are cute! I wish you much success and happiness, and I hope your goal of helping your father will eventually succeed.

shoeofallcosmos9 karma

Oh my god, I hope you're not scarred! I'm so sorry! Are you well nowadays?

Thank you for the compliments... I still get flustered. :$

biasedbias9 karma

How did you feel immediately after posting the video?

Thoughts whether it was the right thing, regrets, relief?

shoeofallcosmos17 karma

Scared out of my wits, mainly. After that it was relief. I didn't feel regret for the first time until the next morning. But then it circled around to being scared again. Confidence was in there somewhere, I think.

UtsusuZero8 karma

I'll be straight with you :(

Why your YouTube channel comments(in the videos too) are not disabled? :<

PS: I see you love Sonic, do you like Mega Man as well?! :D

shoeofallcosmos10 karma

I haven't even looked at my channel comments in like a year. I suppose I should shut them off.

I tried to get into Megaman a long time ago, but it was always the Blue Blur over the Blue Bomber for me. ;D

universalgma6 karma

When did you drop out of college and why. Also, from the video it sounds like you were being homeschooled? Is that true? And if so when did you stop going to public school and why.

shoeofallcosmos20 karma

My mother's father died and sent her into a textbook midlife crisis. Her personality changed to become more assertive, and she started truly challenging my dad for the first time. As a result the household fell into chaos, and my grades went from all A's (I think I had A's anyway) to failing. After a lifetime of school being #1, it suddenly didn't matter anymore. I withdrew from my classes and moved away.

It was my mother's choice to homeschool me, but we weren't one of those weird ultra-religious types, lol. It was for academics, and also so kids in public school wouldn't ridicule how I walked and crush my self-esteem. I took credit-by-exams and CLEP exams to gather high school and college credits, and graduated in 2006 with about 33 college hours.

arche225 karma

Are you worried about a potential gag order if he somehow finds out about you telling us this? Or do you think that now that its on reddit, that even if he tried, it'd be futile?

Also, are you in a safe place away from him and his sphere of influence?

shoeofallcosmos3 karma

I'm plenty far away, I think. Unless he decides to drive for an entire afternoon. A gag order would just make him look bad.

Pulse995 karma

How's life been since the video leaked, and most of the publicity went away?

shoeofallcosmos9 karma

Still challenging, as things are getting dug up in regards to the custody case. I'm still chatting with local news and such.

JeebusChrist3 karma

You are a beautiful, gusty, intelligent, articulate human being and don't let anybody ever tell you otherwise.

I can't personally relate to what you went through, but I have close friends that come from abusive homes and I've heard my fair share of gnarly shit and I don't envy them, or you, for one moment.

I'm sorry you had to deal with such senseless bullshit growing up. But hey, this isn't the end. It's the beginning.

shoeofallcosmos3 karma

You're right, it's the beginning.

I know this case wasn't the worst out there, but maybe we can use it to throw a crowbar into the especially bad ones, and catch more before they start.

toastydoc3 karma

This won’t be seen, I am too late to the party but...

I hate it when people in the media try to label you as an ungrateful child. When your dad said that "this was the immature actions of my daughter whom I still financially support" really killed me.

What people who have not experienced themselves don't understand is that people who abuse like this, it is about an addiction to control. He wants to control you. When he is unable to convince you that you need his control, he physically or verbally manipulates you to feel otherwise. The Mercedes is a perfect example. He purposely chose a car that you could not afford because he was using it as a control method. When you tell him you want to be on your own, he lashes out to the extent that you just give in because it is easier to comply than put up with the torture.

Your father is sick, manipulative control freak. I hope he never is allowed to judge again. I am sorry you, you sister, and your mom had to endure that. If anythng, I think you are very brave.

shoeofallcosmos3 karma

Did you...did you study manipulation formally? You sound like you have a degree in psychology. D: You put everything into words perfectly.

Thank you.

throwaway04298673 karma

Your father reminds me a lot of mine... Please don't hold out for him to change. I'm not going to say it's impossible, but expecting someone like that to change is about as close to impossible as you can get. The mechanism for feeling empathy is broken, so there's no path for change. Any perceived breakthrough is just him learning to manipulate you better. For your own sake, limit your interactions with him.

shoeofallcosmos3 karma

Lots of people are telling me this, and it's so hard to listen to, but...I may have to.

shoeofallcosmos3 karma

The live interactive video will start in an hour! I need to go eat something first. :D I'm all jittery.

Sil3693 karma

has your father ever showed abuse to other people that we (the public) don't know about? has he said negative things about women in general? do you know where his hatred stems from? was he abused himself/had a traumatic childhood? what do you think about the recent suspension?

edit: also, I think it's only going to be a matter of time until something personal about him leaks online (something other than the video already posted) that will effectively destroy his career

shoeofallcosmos16 karma

He makes unprovoked racist comments, such as fake Spanish in public and comparing black people to monkeys. Unfortunately there's no way I can prove this though, since he only says it around close family. I don't know if he hates women, although his treatment of his own mother and sister were definitely indicative of how he eventually treated me and my own mom. His mother was an alcoholic and had a bad temper from what I've heard. I think it's good that he got suspended, but still being paid during makes it seem like a vacation. He needs a time out.