Hi Reddit......I am Gilbert Gottfried. Ask Me Anything!

How do I stop my brain from reading this entire thread in your voice?

Ya can't

Have you ever considered doing a full audio-book of 50 shades of Grey?

I saw the sketch and honestly I would buy the audio book (multiple times) for people as a gag gift.

Hey, if anything, if they would pay me for it, I would do it. I am working on a funny audiobook for Mein Kampf.

What is the most memorable experience you have in your line of work?

It's always getting the check after the job. That's what I remember.

Whats the meanest thing you've said and have had said to you during a roast?

I do remember one time Pam Anderson was there, and I described her vagina as being so stretched out that it was like a flailing tube man in front of a used car lot. I don't think she liked that.

How was performing at the 2019 gathering of the juggalos?

I've done the juggalos a few times, and it is fun to do. Then you can brag and tell your friends afterwards, "I wasn't murdered there!".

Of all the roles you have had, which are you the most proud of or enjoyed the most doing?

Well there's alot of them I like. If i am pushed against the wall, I'll say the parrot in Aladdin. And the business manager in Beverly cops 2. And the prince in problem child. A bunch of things.

Hi Gilbert. I hear that Bob Saget did some stuff in 1990. What was that again?

Well I hate talking about it, but he raped and killed a girl in 1990. Ok, I am just kidding. There is no truth that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990. So don't start spreading a rumor that Bob Saget raped and killed a girl in 1990.

What's the most number of Cameo videos you have made in a night? Seems so crazy you can just sit at home on a rainy day and make $150 every 90 seconds.

Uh yeah, want to know something about it? It doesn't have to be rainy outside. It can be sunny, birds chirping and I can be here making a buck.

What's the worst gig you've had and what made it so awful?

This one right now. Its because I am talking to people like you, and I am surrounded by schmucks like this that don't know what the fuck they are doing. Can somebody get me the fuck out of here?

Hi Gilbert, I love you. Will you please tell me a joke?

I was walking down the street. A guy comes up to me and I tell him I'm hungry. He says have a bite to eat. So i bit him.

Gilbert, if you could have a redo any decision point in your career, what would you have done differently?

I would have chosen a different line of work.

What is/was the best or worse advice you were ever given about doing stand up comedy?

Well uh, I think going to standup comedy. That was the worst advice I've ever gotten.

Thank you for doing this! I am. die-hard listener to the podcast! I’ve called into the show a couple of times. Now, my question involves Cesar Romero. Where did you first hear the story that he had boy-toys throw orange wedges at his naked ass?

This was from the head of the CIA.

Industrial Light and Magic can recreate any dead actors in any kind of movie for you. Budget limitless.

Who would you want as the stars and in what kind of movie?

Marilyn Monroe - Porno

Do you think Problem Child 2 is one the greatest sequels of all time?

Yes, I do.

What do you think is one of the most admirable traits you see in younger generations? How about older generations as well?

I avoid talking about the younger generation because my lawyer says so. He says if you hang around schoolyards, it may get on TMZ and I still get complaints from parents. I like the older generations because they can't hear what I have to say anyway.

Do you get an endorphin rush when you get something for free?

No, I cum in my pants.

Is Norm the best comedian alive?

Well, that' a strange question, but yes. Norm Crosby is the best comedian alive.

You never seemed to cave to PC pressure, even if it ended up costing you money. Did you ever consider changing your material? And was it a hard decision to make at times?

Huge fan, loved you growing up as Iago, and as I got older loved you on Stern.

No, I keep doing offensive stuff. The truth is, "I'm a schmuck".

Can you do some Coronavirus jokes?

I did send one tweet out. What disease hits beer drinkers? The coronavirus. It's pretty fuckin obvious.

Do I have to pay $99 to get a response?

No, Paigeralert, for asking that stupid question, you now have to pay $500

Have you ever considered doing a series starring a foul mouthed animated duck?

Also are you planning on anymore roasts in the future?

I am staying away from ducks, most of that for legal reasons. If one opens up I will do a roast.

I am doing Carolines in NYC, and that's on March 19th. I am doing Helium in Indianapolis from March 26-29. Doing Improve in Raleigh, North Carolina April 9-11th. I have a podcast called Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing colossal Podcast.

My website is gilbertgottfried.com where you can find my schedule and buy worthless crap from me. My twitter is @realgilbert

Good day to you! How has your new year been treating you? Anything unexciting that you're excited about? New towels, pots and pans, etc.?

Thanks

I'm always excited about my pots and pans and towels. It doesn't matter what year it is.

Hey Gilbert - I've been a big fan for a while but it seemed that the release of The Aristocrats was kind of a watershed moment. Do you feel that's true and how did it change your life and career?

It finally convinced the Aristocrats that I am a disgusting human being, and I am proud of it.

How do you normally deal with hecklers during your act?

I get very flustered and I break down crying.

Hello Gilbert,
Long time fan since I used to watch you on Hollywood Square with Tom Burgeron. Do you have a favorite bargain hunting story to tell?
Thanks,
Stephen

No. No. I really don't. Do I have a favorite one that I like to tell? Do I like to call people up and ask them about Bargain Hunting? I would say no.

Are there any types of jokes that you would consider off limits or legitimately offensive? Like something that would make you draw the line?

Well, one of my favorite lines of George Carlin: it is the duty of the comedian is to find out where the line is drawn, and to deliberately cross over it.