IamA Professional Negotiator AMA! You may have seen me in subs such as r/negotiation where I have been a mod for nine years. Ask my anything about negotiation situations or skills.

What is the biggest mistake that people inexperienced with negotiating tend to make??

They are only focused on what they want to achieve in the negotiation. If you also focus on what you NP wants, you will succced much more often.

And second to that...not setting a walk away position in advance.

Remember Pawn Stars where the sellers are interviewed afterwards and there was always something like, "I was hoping to get $5K for my 18th century faberge egg but hey, I got $87 and that is more than I had when I walked in."

They all failed because they did not decide in advance what their walk away number was and were going to take whatever was offered...hoping that it would appropriate.

Unscrupulous negotiators (and scrupulous ones) can see that mindset a mile away and the unscrupulous ones will take advantage of it.

When offered a new job at a new company and the offer comes in at a salary below what you desire, how would you negotiate an increase or compensation through other options?

The first thing I'd counsel is to ask your prospective employer how they came up with that number.

Then offer them reasons that that number was too low.

Then look for non-monetary items that will make you happy but not cost your prospective employer money (at least not obviously).

And most importantly...have a BATNA - Best Alternative To A Negotaited Agreement. If you have another option/job offer, you are MUCH more likely to succeed in your current negotiation.

And remember..if they offered you the job, they WANT to hire you. That immediately puts you in a strong position.

Could you elaborate on the vocation Professional Negotiator? Is this exclusively criminal negotiation or does this include legal mediation as well?

Most of my work is in the context of legal disputes and contract disputes. I do not actually directly handle that many negotiations now but consult with others and coach them in their preparation and strategies during the actual negotiation.

The truth is that everyone negotiates virtually everyday. It is just that most people do not realize that that is what they are doing. I help people get better results - often much better results - than they would otherwise get.

Are you a licensed attorney? Do you ever get into the position of being concerned that you might be an unlicensed practitioner of law?

Not being an asshole, this is a serious question. In my business I also get close to this line. I wonder how you manage it.

IANAL.

I appreciate your question but there is a bright line between what I do and what lawyers do. I do not pretend to know how to write a statement of claim/statement of defense, formal offer etc. but I will pretty regularly make suggestions if there is a legal dispute that I have some significant knowledge of.

They are only every suggestions to the client directly who will pass it on to her/his lawyer or to the lawyer directly if she/he is meeting with me as well. But there are only suggestions.

I have a lot of respect for lawyers. Their reputation as terrible people is, in the vast majority of cases, undeserved but, in my view, lawyers should be paid to do lawyerly things. Others are more capable and less expensive to negotiate/try to resolve issues.

I hope that answered your question. TLDR: Be very clear that you are not a lawyer and you are not giving legal advice. Works for me.

What would you say is more important - hard work, or stick-to-it-iveness?

I am not too sure where the difference between those two concepts lies...at least in your mind... so I will apply my own definitions in my answer. I hope my definitions are consistent with yours and answers your question.

Hard work is important but that is really just a subcategory of, "stick-to-it-iveness". I'd use another less complex term for, "stick-to-it-iveness"...grit.

Grit - the ability to stick with a difficult task over time even in the face of adversity^- is a better predictor of success than, I think anything else. There have been numerous studies on the value of grit as an indicator of future success.

So, I guess my answer is "stick-to-it-iveness".

^ I just made up this definition as I typed. It may not exactly match what you find elsewhere.

This is awesome, thanks for the reply! I think there’s a lot of merit to your definition, and one could glean a lot from your take.

I was actually referencing an old Simpsons episode but I’m really thankful for the reply

Shit. Sorry. I missed the reference. I am not sure why I don't watch the Simpson's anymore. I used to.

I heard a theory once - probably on Reddit actually - that people who do not like the Simpson's are the same people who can not laugh at themselves. That stuck with me because it felt true to me.

I wonder what my not watching the Simpsons now says about me.

hmmmm.

Edit: I just refreshed this and realized/remembered that I used a Troy McClure reference in my post title. I am doubly ashamed I did not get the Simpson's reference in the question.

How would you rank Trump's negotiating approach and effectivness? Does his style have merit?

I answered a similar questions elsewhere. Here is my answer...

I write about Trump in my book. I may offend some people here but I think he is a terrible negotiator. As far as I can tell he only uses two strategies - he belligerently sticks to untenable positions and he is a bully. (I use different terms in my book.)

Both work sometimes (particularly when he, as now, has the benefit of a significant power advantage) but are awful for long term success.

Honestly, I think Canada and Mexico did a great job negotiating NAFTA 2 with Trump. They were methodical, talked to others in the US administration who could see reason, did not get provoked into anger, looked for local allies who could advocate on their behalf, and more than anything waited Trump out.

Trump has staked so much of his reputation on getting a better deal than NAFTA 1.0 that Trump almost HAD To agree to NAFTA 2.0 or his reputation as a master negotiator would have taken a hit. Failure to get a deal would have made him look bad.

So Canada and Mexico conceded almost nothing and they allowed Trump to declare victory.

They let Trump declare victory because Trump wanted that more than anything.

So that worked. Also, I think outrageously sucking up to Trump and feeding his ego works too.

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Soft.

And occasionally I get a banana that has a banana-ish-ness to it that is sublime. It tastes like what god intended when he created bananas. The subtle perfume of a really great banana, before you bite it, generates a Pavlovian response that is only satiated by the slow and contemplative consuming of said banana.

How would you approach the brexit negotiations? How do you rate the approaches of the May and now Johnson governments? Are the EU as a bloc generally formidable negotiators?

Look. There are a LOT of really smart people who are negotiating on both sides of that issue and I am not in their league. I could pretend that I am some negotiation god but I deal with much smaller stakes. I am not going to pretend some expertise that I do not have.

So take what I say with a huge grain of salt.

First I feel sorry for May. She got handed a job that she did not believe in and was negotiating with the EU who had every incentive to make the UK suffer for leaving.

I am no expert on the intricacies of the deal she negotiated but, while lots were unhappy with it, I'd think it was just about as good as it was going to get.

With Johnson, I revert to my core belief that individuals act in response to incentives. And he has every incentive to not agree to the deal May got or anything like it. Unless he gets a much better deal, his promises to the contrary will be punished by the UK citizens. And he won't get a better deal. The EU has every incentive to deny him/the UK that.

So I have no advice for Johnson. There is nothing he will do willingly to make Brexit better for the UK.

My only hope is he agrees to something that avoids a guarded border between Ireland and Northern Ireland. If a border is re-established, I think violence will soon follow. That would be a tragedy.

Honestly, the whole thing is sad.

How would you negotiate with a individual like Trump?

I write about Trump in my book. I may offend some people here but I think he is a terrible negotiator. As far as I can tell he only uses two strategies - he belligerently sticks to untenable positions and he is a bully. (I use different terms in my book.)

Both work sometimes (particularly when he, as now, has the benefit of a significant power advantage) but are awful for long term success.

Honestly, I think Canada and Mexico did a great job negotiating NAFTA 2 with Trump. They were methodical, talked to others in the US administration who could see reason, did not get provoked into anger, looked for local allies who could advocate on their behalf, and more than anything waited Trump out.

Trump has staked so much of his reputation on getting a better deal than NAFTA 1.0 that Trump almost HAD To agree to NAFTA 2.0 or his reputation as a master negotiator would have taken a hit. Failure to get a deal would have made him look bad.

So Canada and Mexico conceded almost nothing and they allowed Trump to declare victory.

They let Trump declare victory because Trump wanted that more than anything.

So that worked. Also, I think outrageously sucking up to Trump and feeding his ego works too.

I just have to ask this question: When you go to buy a car at a dealership, are you ever able to successfully negotiate them down? So many dealerships these days won't bother to negotiate from what I've heard.

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I just bought a new car and used this strategy.

The only additional wrinkles I used are:

I wanted a second set of tires and got those for less than it would have cost me to buy them aftermarket. The dealer still made money because of their markup but I still saved money.

I also made sure we were $400 apart when I went in to finalize the purchase and used "split the difference" to get the final $200 off. All respect to Chris Voss but splitting the difference is the magic words of getting a little better deal with NO effort.

Finally, I gave every indication that I'd buy a long term warranty. Dealerships make money off of those but they do not try to sell them until after you have agreed on a price for the car. I got a very good deal on the car because they thought they'd make it up on the warranty...which I did not buy.

What are some fallacies that we often see in movies/other forms of media, about negotiations? What are some scenes that the general public may not be aware about?

In movies, negotiations are almost always about money.

While ultimately that may be the case, my personal view is that you will be more successful if you delay putting a monetary value on the subject of the negotiation until very late in the game. Once you talk about money, negotiations break down.

For example. Let's say you want a $10K raise. You can go into your boss and ask for $10K but when she says no, you are done.

Instead, talk about your performance, commission rates, sales incentives rates, cost of living increases, responsibilities etc. Agree on those and then $10K raise is automatic.

The problem is all that takes a lot of work and preparation and most people just want to talk about money...and they fail.

I play this little game where, I try to be the last person to talk about money and instead focus on interests or other issues that, if agreed upon, will invariably lead to money.

What’s the best deal you’ve made as a result of negotiating? Does being a “good” negotiator mean you are great at “winning” negotiations or that you’re really good at compromising?

I do not believe in winning a negotiation in the sense of getting more than is fair. By definition, that means that your Negotiation Partner has gotten a bad deal. One should not use your negotiation prowess to take advantage of others. We all share this planet and need to look out for each other.

Some negotiations are zero-sum games. The more I get, the less you get. But I never get/counsel my clients to never get more than what is fair in a negotiation / take advantage of the lack of skill of another.

My real successful negotiations are based on complementary interests - where both my client and his Negotiation Partner get more than they had before.

What is a typical day as a negotiator like?

Typical days are research, writing, number crunching, finding alternatives deals, coming up with reasons why your position might be wrong and then reasons why it is not.

Planning initial strategies, predicting what you Negotiation Partner may respond with and then a decision tree (formal or not) of what your responses will be.

Setting a range of values, target values, and strategies for when any negotiation may fail.

I spend many hours trying to figure out what my Negotiation Partner wants and how I get get that for her/him while still achieving my goals.

And occasionally I actually negotiate (typically in some boardroom) but all the real work happens before hand.

How often do you question yourself and why?

Constantly. I tell myself constantly that I am not as smart as I think I am. That I am not as prepared or understand the issues well enough.

Success comes from constantly trying to get better.

What’s the most common mistake you see rookie negotiators make? And what should they do instead?

Trying to get the best deal and then agreeing to the best offer made by the other side.

Rookie negotiators need to decide IN ADVANCE what they are willing to accept. Not just accept the best offer they get.

Would you agree that the person who speaks first (opens with the first offer) is more likely to lose the negotiation.

Also... How often do friends and family drag you along to negotiate with a car dealership?

Hell no.

Anchoring is real. And it works.

You WANT to make the first offer...provided you know enough about what you are negotiating to do so with confidence. If you don't then don't negotiate.

Success in negotiation is about the preparation work.

In what ways do you find that your professional skills assist in day-to-day life? What do you think are the most important principles of negotiation that you wish that everyone understood?

The most important skill in negotiation is understanding what your Negotiation Partner wants. That means listening and really trying to understand what the other person is saying and what the other person wants.

It means asking questions and being interested in the answers. It means asking follow up questions and restating what you hear.

In every situation - personal and professional - and in every negotiation, you are much more likely to succeed if the other person feels understood. To the point where your Negotiation Partner will conceed positions freely because they have been heard.

But, and this is important, you have to MEAN it. You really have to want to understand. Faking it is transparent. You will fail. And you would deserve to fail.

I've skimmed through this thread and I think you hit on two massively important points in this answer.

I grew up in a sales family and the biggest things I took from my experiences were: 1. People are coming to you with their wants/needs and you have to identify if you can help solve those issues. The only way to do that is to make sure you listen and understand what they want. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times my Dad said "if you listen people will tell you exactly what they want". 2. You have to value the product you're selling. Anybody can go out and sell a shit product to a minority of people that don't need that product, it's easy to do on a used car lot and have short term success (Trump), but you will never have long term success with that type of sales strategy. A good salesperson will genuinly believe in the product they are selling. This circles back to your "you really have to want to understand". The best negotiators/salespeople will try and provide their product to people that need it, which means legitimately identifying what their needs are.

I'm a lawyer now but I can tell you that these principles are a massive part of my everyday job, both in obtaining/retaining clients and in the courtroom.

Good stuff! I'll buy your book tomorrow, thanks for sharing. I may reach out after I get a chance to read your book.

Hey. Thanks for the nice comments. Certainly, buy the book if you want. It is cheap and, I think it is pretty awesome and has some unique insights...but I may be a bit biased.

But I want to be clear that I did not do the IAmA to sell my book. I want to help people. You can read my book in serial form on r/negotiation - a chapter a week if you'd prefer.

Do you find negotiating with non-professionals outside of work to be inane or boring?

Not boring for sure but also the stakes are usually not that high so not all that interesting either.

Non-professionals are easy to take advantage of and I firmly believe that that is wrong so I make sure I get a fair deal but not TOO good a deal. That makes it kind of easy in most cases so I do not have to put too much work into a negotiation with a non-professional.

We have an obligation to look out for each other and should not take advantage of others even if we can.

What do you think of Trump's recommended "walk away from the deal" method of negotiating?

I did not think Trump would come up so much today. Here is my answer to a similar question that I hope addresses your question.

I write about Trump in my book. I may offend some people here but I think he is a terrible negotiator. As far as I can tell he only uses two strategies - he belligerently sticks to untenable positions and he is a bully. (I use different terms in my book.)

Both work sometimes (particularly when he, as now, has the benefit of a significant power advantage) but are awful for long term success.

Honestly, I think Canada and Mexico did a great job negotiating NAFTA 2 with Trump. They were methodical, talked to others in the US administration who could see reason, did not get provoked into anger, looked for local allies who could advocate on their behalf, and more than anything waited Trump out.

Trump has staked so much of his reputation on getting a better deal than NAFTA 1.0 that Trump almost HAD To agree to NAFTA 2.0 or his reputation as a master negotiator would have taken a hit. Failure to get a deal would have made him look bad.

So Canada and Mexico conceded almost nothing and they allowed Trump to declare victory.

They let Trump declare victory because Trump wanted that more than anything.

So that worked. Also, I think outrageously sucking up to Trump and feeding his ego works too.

I’m a lawyer, and I have a lot of experience with negotiating. What is your feeling about Getting to Yes and BATNA? I always felt that it leaves out some very important parts of negotiating, such as being able to misstate your own objectives (ie. pretending you care about something the other side does, to make it appear like you are making a concession when you aren’t)

I agree with you entirely. I liked getting to yes but I really only got two useful bits of information out of it.

BATNAs of course and interest-based negotiations. But both are very much over-explained in that book.

To really be successful there are so many other things to know and that book just ignores everything else.