I’m a guy who just finished working on the Fourth of July at one of those pop-up fireworks stores. AMA!

You're gonna stand there, ownin' a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistlin' bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin' kitty chaser?

Well #1: We're actually in a store, not a stand

and #2: Nope, we do not. We don't even sell Snakes. (I was asked about that one a lot and had to let people down each time)

Where does all the unused fireworks go? Doesn’t the powder eventually go bad?

We try to sell them for the next two or three weeks we are open, after that probably send them back to HQ. I hear that as long as the fireworks are properly stored and don't go wet, then they won't go bad. I mean, for these next few weeks, some people are going to be getting their fireworks for NEXT YEAR'S July 4th.

Is the "good stuff" in the back?

I'm one of the stockers, and we pretty much put everything we have out on the floor. There are some things back there we don't put out that are pretty much just back-up items for when one thing completely sells out.

This is exactly what someone who puts the good stuff in the back would say

u/Alectrodes is sweating buckets right now

UH UH UH UH UH CRAP I’VE BEEN GOT

What is the biggest total you saw any one individual spend?

We actually have a board posted up in our store with the biggest spenders. I wasn't there when this guy came in, but one dude spent over $4,000 dollars, and that was AFTER coupons and the buy one, get one free deal. My co-workers said he had like 5 carts full of stuff.

Any fireworks like on Malcom in the middle? Turn the night sky into day. The komodo 3000?

We do have the Komodo 3000, as well as a fountain version of it. As for Malcolm in the middle crazy, nah, nothing THAT crazy.

Does the packaging say when your vision will come back?

Honestly, most of the packaging kind of sucks. Most of the fireworks don't say how long they'll last, and that's like the biggest thing people want to know. We do have tablets to show how long they go off for though.

If you guys made like a database of what the heck is gunna happen when I shoot these off. I would probably buy more. Half the time I just go back to the traditional stuff cause I am scared the weird stuff is a waste of money.

There are videos on our YouTube channel of everything in stock going off. We also have tablets with all the videos in the store as well, so you can just ask to see some from us!

Links or it didn't happen yo. No seriously. This could be useful next year

Here is the channel. Just search what you are looking for in the store and it'll come up.

When i give you my id to scan, how many junk mailing lists do I end up on?

None, unless you give us your email. We were told by corporate to start remembering to ask people for their emails so they can send them coupons. Out of all the people I remember to ask for them, I probably only have gotten a handful to actually give it to me.

What happens to the ones that don't sell? Save for next season or blow the trailer sky high?

Well we're still open for another few weeks, so I've been told we discount the fireworks so hard until we close to try and get rid of them all. We're actually already out of sparklers and other popular stuff. I heard that we might do like a buy one, get two of equal or less for free. After that, not sure, I know we the employees get like 60% off now. Probably after that we just send them back to HQ.

How much money will you normally make at the stand on a average day?

I don't know, I don't handle the cash, I'm just a stocker. But business really picked up (as one would imagine) in the last 7 days. I've been working there since like beginning of June, and in my first few weeks, we'd be lucky to get 5 people in there a day. However, with people coming in with the coupon books that are mailed out, as well as Groupons, and the BOGO deal we had on the entire firework inventory in the store, they'd come in and spend at least $50 to $100, usually even more.

What safety measures are in place to keep things from going 'boom'?

We hired a security guard recently that as soon as people come in, they ask the people coming in if they have any lighters or matches on them, and if they do, to either have her hold on to them while they shop, or to put them back in their car. We haven't had an mishaps, so it's pretty good system.

What do you do for the other 10-11 months?

I go to college. Needed money for my upcoming senior year and was back home for the summer, so I applied to a bunch of places, and the fireworks store was the first place I heard back from in the like 3 or 4 weeks of me looking.

At college, I'm actually huge into improv and sketch comedy. I was made into the Improv director of the longest running team on campus last year, and I'm very excited. I'm also directing my second sketch comedy stage show this year as well, so I'm actually counting down the days to go back.

Have you ever improv-ed an entire episode of Law and Order?

I have not had the privilege to. Maybe I’ll have (aka MAKE) my team do that during one of our practices this year

Any crazy stories?

I got a few. We did have a few attempts at people stealing stuff. There was one guy who straight up went into our stockroom, grabbed an open box of 200 g repeaters, put some other stuff in there, and tried to walk out, but one of my co-workers yelled at him as he was about to leave the door. He yelled that his friend had already paid for them, and the cashiers were like "uh, no he didn't" And then he yelled at us some more and then left without the fireworks.

Also, this one happened to me. I'm usually walking around the floor stocking stuff, so people will ask me for help, which I'm more than happy to do. So this one big old biker-looking fella asked me how much this assortment was, and he was referring to our most expensive item in the store, which costs $1500, and is called "The Ground for Divorce." (The name makes me laugh) So I told him, and the dude got suuuuuuper angry at me. Accused me of robbing people, and that "This the fucking fourth of july!" and I just said "I'm sorry man, It's a bunch of fireworks!"

Any missing fingers?

Nah, I still got 11. Should probably blow one off so I can be normal for once.

This may have been asked already, but have you had any customers today that made you think "Yep, they're going to lose a digit tonight"?

Definitely. There's also been people I've been surprised to see still have all their fingers.

What is the most ridiculous firework you're legally allowed to sell?

There’s a Mortar set we have called the ‘Lock And Load’ that advertises on the box that it’s barely legal to get. Shoots off some big booming fireworks.

Can you sell fireworks to obviously intoxicated people?

We haven't had an incident like that, that I know of. I would hope that the drunk person would at least show up with a sober friend who drove them who is responsible enough to take care of the products. We also have a security guard, so they would probably get stopped once they enter the store.

What’s your favorite pizza?

I'm just a pepperoni pizza type of guy.

What are the best and worse things to buy? Ahah happens to leftovers? How much of a markup are these things sold for?

I mean it really depends on what you are looking for. I'm not even that big of a fireworks person (I'm there for cash money baybee), but I learned that the small mortars are kinda lame, but the big mortars are pretty cool. Some of the repeaters are a dime a dozen, even the 200 g ones. So like, at my store, we have stuff like the Wicked Pissah or the Eye of the Storm that are really cool. For 500 g repeaters, I really liked some that are called the Prismatica and the New Yorker Salute Finale. But we got a ton of stuff and I still don't know what they all look like when they go off.

How many gallons of sweat have come from just your balls? Just a rough estimate will suffice.

I don't work out of a tent shop, I'm actually in a store, but even then lugging all the boxes from the stockroom to the floor, and then flattening the boxes, then throwing them away outside in the dumpster, I'd say at least 5 gallons of ball sweat

Do you ever feel, like a paper bag?

No, I specifically feel like a plastic bag.

Gonna call it an AMA here guys, hopefully I answered most of your questions and I now understand your Joe Dirt references. Hope you all had a Happy Fourth of July! And be careful with those fireworks! I hear they can be dangerous

Whats the craziest thing a customer told you that they will do with the fireworks?

There were these three guys who came in, and one of them told me he wanted to get the fireworks that would make his wife horny.

I ain't gonna kink shame.

What is the best time to buy fireworks, and do they keep a year?

I would say like about like 10 or more days before the 4th of July, because our store was virtually dead up until the week before the 4th, so you can come in, get help from employees, and get a good deal.

They should keep a year as long as they are kept in place without a lot of moisture.

Was it your pop-up store, or were you working for someone? I am assuming that fireworks are legal in your state.

Did you require any special training related to occupational health and safety?

I just saw an ad looking for people to work at the store, so I work for someone. and yeah, I'm in Michigan, it's legal here.

No, I don't think we require any training like that. If you are level-headed person, you got hired.

Does your store have a problem with underage people trying to buy fireworks?

No, we make people check in at the front of the store before they can start shopping. We require an ID Scan, and if they are underage, then a red alert comes up. But besides that, usually any kids we've had come in have their parents with them.

Who is the most famous person you have sold to?

HA! We don't get any famous people at my location. Just your local fireworks enthusiasts that get really into the fourth of july, like scary so.