My name is Katie Beers and I am a survivor. I made national headlines 25 years ago today on December 28th, 1992 after I was kidnapped by a family friend and then held in a underground bunker for 17 horrendous days. Ask Me Anything.

Hope the Holidays are providing comfort and coziness to you and your family.

When did you realize/understand that you were being abducted?

Thank you!
I realized that something wasn't quite right when my abductor had sexually assaulted me - he had always been kind to me - but Dec. 28, 1992 was different.

Personally, what was the most important thing that needed to be included in your book? Thank you for sharing your story.

The most important part of Buried Memories is not about the abuse that I sustained, but that because of my support system afterwords, that I was able to come out on the other side & have a somewhat normal childhood, teenage years, and adulthood. But... to understand how far I came and the hurdles that I jumped, you have to understand what I encountered and endured.

What was your experience on the Dr. Phil show like? Was his demeanor that of a TV host or an actual doctor?

He wanted to promote his book more than anything to do with me or my book (the whole reason I was appearing on the show). We also felt that he had no idea what my story was about - he didn't seem educated on who he was interviewing - it was kinda sad, really!

Why were you placed in foster care after this?

I should have been in foster care from the time that I was 2 or even younger. I was sexually abused by my 'aunt's' husband from the time that I was 2 until I was abducted by a 'family friend' when i was almost 10. I was also physically, emotionally and verbally abused by all of the adults who were supposed to take care of me as well as neglected. CPS did come to the house to do interviews with me, but it's difficult to be truthful with CPS workers when they're interviewing you in the house where the abuse is occurring in the exact room where it was occurring

And I know you said you have a great relationship with your foster parents, have you any kind of relationship with your biological mother or Aunt?

After I went into foster care, my contact was cut off from my 'aunt.' My 'aunt' was actually just a family friend to my biological mother. I've tried to carry a relationship with my biological mother and brother over the years, but it is too burdensome - as my biological mother likes to 'live in the past' and my biological brother has too many daemons that he's fighting. For the stability of my family, I've cut off contact with them - The phone works both ways & my number hasn't changed - neither one of them have tried to reach out to me either.

From 2 years old? I literally just dry heaved. I just want to say that it’s amazing that you’ve turned such a horrible, long situation into a really helpful and amazing organization.

Thank you! My support system is what helped me recover!

Are you still close with your foster parents?

Very much so! They are my children's Grand parents & my (foster) siblings are their Aunts & Uncle's

Can you still clearly remember what happened that day or is it something you have blocked out? Also, do you suffer from PTSD or something similar from what you experienced?

On a more positive note, is there one particular person or persons (besides your husband and/or kids) that has/have helped you move forward after everything you have experienced?

I hope you and your family have a happy and healthy new year!

There are times that my memory is more clear about the day i was abducted. As part of my coping mechanism, I blocked out the experience. When working on Buried Memories, I had to allow myself to re-experience the memories. There are things that will randomly trigger my memories, and I've learned how to deal with them.
I believe that anyone who experiences a trauma, of any size, can suffer from PTSD. I've been able talk about my experiences with professionals - so I'm hoping that PTSD will not impact my life. I'm not saying that it won't, there's always the possibility for something to trigger PTSD - but having the coping mechanisms help! My (foster) parents and (foster) siblings were invaluable to me during my recovery.

What happened when you were rescued, like from the moment you were still in there until someone came and got you out?

disbelief. I was in denial, and disbelief.

I was also sexually abused as a child starting at age 4 or 5 and have fought my whole life to come to terms with it. When people say, "but you survived!" I fight to keep from beating them within an inch of their life so i can stand back and say, "see you survived too! Sometimes just surviving isn't enough." It still hurts that many members of my family refuse to accept what happened to me even though some of my abusers admitted what they did.

Do you think the public will ever understand the long term damage their choosing to ignore or turn a blind eye to childhood sexual abuse (ANY sexual abuse actually) causes?

I hope that one day, after enough survivors have the courage to speak about their abuse, that there will no longer be a 'stigma' associated with surviving. I HATE that there is a still a stigma associated with child abuse (or abuse) survivors - we shouldn't be the ones that have to worry about being believed or worry about what others will think

Sorry if these questions seen insensitive, but has he ever reached out to you, and what would your response be if he did? Has he come up for parole and does his getting out frighten you?

When I was younger, my (foster) parents monitored all of my mail - if anyone from my childhood did reach out to me, it was not brought to my attention (for my well-being). My 'aunt's' husband died in jail in either 2009 or 2010 - he was paroled a few years prior, but was back in prison for violating Megan's Law. The one who kidnapped me also died in prison in 2013, after he met with the parole board, and finally admitting to sexually abusing and raping me, he died hours later in his cell.

Did I read that right? He didn't admit to the rape until 2013 and then died hours after meeting the parole board? Did someone shiv him? Convicts don't take kindly to child abusers or so I've heard.

My abductor died of natural causes (or at least that is what was released to the public). I will say that he wouldn't give an interview to my co-author and begged her to not write Buried Memories with me because whenever my story would be in the news & the in-mates were 'reminded' of who he was and what he did, that they would make his life a living hell.

Are you okay?

I'd like to think so. There are times that are more difficult than others - but yeah, I'm 'okay'.

Hi Katie. Aside from being an insurance saleswoman, what would be your dream career?

I would love to break more into motivational speaking. I've enjoyed the speeches that I've given over the past almost 5 years. I'm enjoying my time with my children and taking the speaking as it comes!

This happened at Spaceplex, right? I was there that day with my friend and his mother. Same age, 9 years old. That story shook our world locally and changed everything. I'm so glad you're doing good now!

If I had a question, it'd have to be... Have you ever gone back to where it was? They shut down the arcade and made it into an indoor sports thingy.

I've never gone back. They offered to have a "proper birthday party" for me. I feel terrible that they lost business because of this & they closed!

How did the experience you had impact your interactions with new people?

I am overly cautious - especially with people that enter my children's lives. I try to always see the good in people, but when the kids are involved, I need to be cautious! I try to not allow my experiences to shadow the good in people

This is very similar to what Elizabeth Smart has expressed.

I've met her, she's a smart woman :)

Was.......was that a pun? :)

Whatever do you mean ;)

That's an excellent outlook to end with! I wish you the best!

Thank you!

Hi katie would you rather fight 1 family friend sized duck or 100 duck sized family friends?

LOL! My husband told me about 'these questions'!
Def 1 family friend sized duck.

For anyone who is working with children who've gone through traumatic experiences, what do you think was the most valuable thing that your therapist and foster family did to help you overcome your early challenges?

They didn't 'push me.' When I first entered therapy, I was preparing for a trial against the monster who sexually abused & raped me as a child (my 'aunt's' husband) - but after the trial was over, therapy moved at a slower pace. My (foster) parent's also didn't push me and loved me unconditionally - no matter how broken i was or how unbearable I may have been. In my opinion, a support system is the biggest key to helping an abuse survivor to 'recover'

Thanks everyone. We're headed to bed. I'll try to answer some more questions tomorrow. Thanks for all of your support.

What’s your favorite beer Beers?

I don't drink beer! I like ciders, or 'fruity' drinks. I've also been known to drink a glass of wine or 2 :)

So (and Full Disclosure - I am not even remotely equating this to what you went through) when I was a kid, this bigger kid would bully me for about 8 months until he moved. Well, even today, it doesn't happen often, but once in a while I will hear a song, talk to a stranger, hear two people have a conversation and it will take me back to that immediately.

Do you ever meet people or have an interaction where it reminds you of this awful event, even if you cannot identify what it was that reminded you?

Over the years, I've tried to identify my "triggers" so that I'm not caught so off guard if I experience one of them!
And, I am a firm believer that regardless of how "great or small" the trauma that someone experiences, it can impact your life in positive or negative ways - there is no "small" trauma!!!

What was your experience with journalists? Did you find them helpful in telling your story or did you see them as exploitative?

I didn't have any experiences with journalists until I decided to seek out help to write Buried Memories. My co-author, Carolyn, was incredible.
After coming 'public' almost 5 years ago, I only had a poor experience with 1 interview

What made it a poor experience? Were they insensitive or clearly just trying to use your story for their own gain?

absolutely using my experience for their own gain. When I was a guest on the Dr. Phil show - which was my first talk show - he promoted my book 1 time for every 4 times he mentioned his. I was on the show to promote Buried Memories. The entire show was terrible (the interview was good, but the process from start to finish was not good)

How will you explain your experience to your children or answer questions when they inevitably discover your past?

Do you ever lie in bed and think about all the bad things?

I ask only because I’ve experienced abuse and neglect in my life and even after successfully sorting through my trauma via therapy, it remains a part of me and a significant part of my past. I feel like it takes up a lot of space in my mind.

Does that eventually go away?

I can answer one of those. We told our children about her being abducted. I think they understand now what that means. We don't mention the abuse yet, since they're young. We just say that they were mean to mommy and hurt mommy. Some day when they can better grasp things I'm sure we'll tell them more. But that's for Katie to decide when and how, obviously.

We've opened the door to start to explain to the kids that I was kidnapped. When I started my book tour 5 years ago, we told the kids that I was going to help people & as they've gotten older, we've expanded. I want, more than anything, for them to maintain their innocence, so we won't tell them too much until their older. I also don't want them to be naive. As for "will it ever go away" - it will, and it won't. It's a part of you... That'll always be there, but you can work on compartmentalizing your childhood trauma - that's what helps me deal!

How old are your children?

6 and 8

Did your abductor do this to other children as well?

As far as I know, my abductor attempted to kidnap a little boy in the late 70's - the police were involved & he lied to the police and said that he thought that little boy was alone because he didn't see his parents near by & was going to take him home (they apparently lived near each other). He also sexually abused my biological brother - I don't know the severity of this though.

Did having kids help your healing? I ask because I was abused as a child and I decided not to have children, but I wonder sometimes if children help heal our hearts when they have been broken beyond repair by the people in our lives.

I bought your book and am going to start it tonight. I hope you continue to do well and thank you for sharing your story and your strength.

I wouldn't say that having children helped with healing. I think that if I had children before I "recovered" I would be raising emotionality broken children because I, myself would still be broken. My children completed my heart & everything that I do is for them!

How did you and your husband meet and did he know about the abduction before you had said something to him about it?

Well, I actually didn't like Derek when we first met (he likes to tell himself that I had a crush on him) - I thought he was cocky & arrogant - I wasn't wrong. But we met a bar, playing pool. I was in my junior year of college. I thought his cousin was interested in my roommate, so I didn't pay too much attention to Derek. Lol. He didn't know about my childhood before, but as soon as he learned my last name, he did a google search & didn't bail on our first date :) the rest is a happy, loving history.

First things first, how are you ?

very well. Enjoying the holiday with my family! How are you?!

How comfortable are you with what happened now? Is it something you or your friends make the occasional joke about or is it still painful to think about?

Thanks for doing this AMA!

If I'm being completely honest.... it depends on the day how 'light' i am to the subject. If someone makes an insensitive comment, I'll call them out on it, and go about my day. I don't let it impact me too much - It's not like a wear a badge that says 'child sex abuse survivor' or 'rape survivor' or 'abducted' - I don't want my friends and family to look at me and always be thinking about my childhood trauma's.
I try to not allow my trauma's to have that big of an impact on my daily life.
With this being said - I am the 'exception' meaning, that I was able to go through therapy & I have an amazing support system.... without those things, my recovery would not be near what it is. Other abuse victims/PTSD survivors might react differently.

Hi Katie! I just wanted to say you are an inspiration and a truly beautiful person. What has enabled you to get through your ordeal and remain so positive?

awww thank you.
I knew from an early age that not all people were bad (just the ones in my life from an early child) - and not everyone was out to hurt me. It just sucked that nearly every adult in my early years did the exact opposite of what they were supposed to do

I'm sorry that the people who were supposed to be protecting you did you such wrong. Thank you for being an advocate for child abuse victims and survivors and for helping to fight the stigma that still seems to be attached it.

Thank you :)

What has been your biggest struggle since then?

Not being a helicopter parent. It would be so easy for me to be a stay at home mom, drive my kids to school every day & pick them up, not allow them to go on play dates, etc. Instead, I work full time, bring them to a babysitter (who had known my sister in law since they were children), they ride the bus - they have a "normal" childhood!

How weird is Derek Ross?

From what I've been told, he's a pretty cool guy :)

Hello Katie.

I happy to see you and family doing great.

How did this Tragic event effect your relationship with men? And do you still have trust issues with men because of this.

People think that because of what I experienced that I'd have trust issues, especially with men. I don't! Even though 2 men who were supposed to protect me, abused me, I still was able to see the good in others. It took me a little while to be able to feel comfortable around older men (my foster father, detectives, the DA, etc), and I might have my guard up, but it's temporary & short lived

You were my RA in college and i don’t think we ever really treated you fairly. Now knowing what i know it all makes sense (also I’m sorry for everyone who was an asshole). For people who knew you during your “silent” years did you ever want to tell?

Oh boy! Lol! I was a very "by the rules" RA!
I wasn't really silent - I just tried (for a short period on time) to distance myself with my childhood, so there were only a few people in college that know about it. Over time, I realized that my childhood shaped who I was & that I shouldn't try to distance myself from it.
I've always been very open to people asking me questions - I want to open about what happened so that I can help educate people! And, I'm sorry for when I was your RA 😂

Haha. We’re all a lot different when we were in college! I’m glad you’re doing so well now and thank you for sharing your story! I’m a social worker now and it’s so so important. We’re only as sick as our secrets.

Thank you! Social work is a very difficult field to be in - thank you for the work that you do

How bad was the emotional pain afterwards? How did you deal with it? What is something that you can suggest people in similar situations do?

After being put into foster care, I was immediately put into therapy. I completely credit my therapist and my foster parents for my recovery. Everyone says that I was a strong kid to have gone through what I went through, and was able to come out 'normal' - but therapy and the love of my (foster) parents is how I survived and turned out 'normal' My suggestion to anyone who has has a similar experience (God forbid) is to find solace in your family/loved ones.

I was a kid on LI when this happened. I used to go to Space Plex every once in a while, I can still remember the glowing entrance hallway. I wasn't allowed in there alone after your ordeal, even after we all found out it was someone close to the family. Glad you are ok now! Do you have trouble going to amusement parks or similar?

The trouble that I have is that there aren't as many safe guards in place as there should be

The killer in the novel/movie The Lovely Bones does something similar. Do you believe your life inspired that aspect of the story?

I haven't seen that movie, or read the book. I've been told that my story has impacted several books/movies/TV shows though

Thank you for sharing your story! You're an amazing woman and you inspire courage in myself and so many others. I hate to do this, but seeing as how the "dumb question" barrier has already been broken...

If you were a shape, what shape would you be?

On a more serious note, what would you say is one thing that a survivor of childhood sexual abuse needs to hear more than anything else?

Well, my new obsession is the infinity sign.... Is that a "shape?!?"

As for what an abuse survivor needs to hear... They don't need to "hear" anything, but they do need to be heard - on their own terms! More than anything, it doesn't help to tell someone "I know what you're going through" - I've had people say this to me, and I've responded with "oh, you've been kidnapped by a family friend, raped by 2 men and held in an underground bunker?" - now, that was the smartass thing to say... But no... You don't know what I'm going through... Nor do I want you to know that I went through. Survivers need to be listened to, when they want to talk & loved. That's it!

Hi! This one is for both you and your husband, if either and or both of you would like to answer.

I know you said earlier that your abuser has passed. If he were still alive and you had a chance to say anything you wanted to him-what would it be?

I have nothing to say to either of them, or any of the other abusers from my childhood. There is no justification or explanation that could make what they put me though any better - they've all been dead to me for a long time. I've forgiven them, but want nothing to do with any of them.

Did you play sports in high school?

I attempted to play volleyball, I played tennis and I was a cheerleader. I was very involved with my high school tech crew.

I attempted to play volleyball, I played tennis & I was a cheerleader. I was also involved with my high school tech crew

Do you think your experience was more commonplace in 1992 or today?

I think that with social media and nationwide news stations that we're hearing more about these things. I would hope that they're not as common now as they were back in '92, but I think that that is naive. Social Media get's news out quicker than we had in '92 - so we hear about instances more readily

Why did your family friend kidnap you?

He says it was to "protect" me from a custody battle that my biological mother and her friend were having over me. It's really because he was a pedophile & thought that he was"in love" with me.

If everything you ate from now on for the rest of your life was tossed in either hot sauce, buffalo sauce, or barbecue sauce, which would you want it to be? You can combine with others but not switch between them.

I think I'd starve to death, I don't much care for any of those :/

What are your thoughts on pineapple on pizza?

Love it! Put some green peppers on there too :)

Well, thank you 😄

What were your thoughts in those 17 days?

Survival! I wanted to survive

I cant believe I grew up and live right across the island on the north shore and never heard about this case. Do you still live on LI? If you went back to school shortly after, how did your peers treat you?

Kids were told not to say anything - they would get in trouble if they said anything. I heard whispers about me, but generally, my peers were fine & treated me "normal"

What do you think of the Dateline NBC show To Catch a Predator?

Also, Chris Hansen.

I think I've watched the show a few times. Not enough to have an opinion on it though.

Hi Katie. Compared to most your early childhood was truly awful and I'm so impressed that you've been able to recover and do well with what you've been given.

My own less traumatic issues involved insecure attachment and emotional neglect.

I'm wondering if in the course of your recovery the discussion in therapy included attachment theory or emotional neglect (specifically the work to Jonice Webb)?

And, if so, what have you learned that helps to compensate for that damage?

I have not been specifically told of those 2 methods.
There is no compensating for the damage - only being able to process it & come to terms with it.

Given that you've experienced and been through the worst... What's the worst thing you could possibly imagine happening to another person that you care for?

Anything with a child. My children are my greatest joy and the most important part of my life - I hate to think of anything happening to a child

I wish you and your kids all the good stuff that you can ever wish for.

awwwww thank you! Derek and I are working to give Logan and Halee the early childhood that I missed out on, without spoiling them too much :)

If you had the option to have a different timeline play out for you (your abduction never happening) would you take it? Or do you take your experience and make yourself stronger for it, not being scared to face life’s past?

There is nothing in my life that I'd change. I believe that I endured what I did because I'm a strong woman who is able to take the situation and use it as a teaching experience.

Have you had the opportunity to connect with other abduction survivors? Elizabeth Smart has similar sentiments in regards to recovering from her trauma. She says that because of the overwhelming family support, she’s been able to move on and have a relatively normal life.

I've met Elizabeth, and have spoken with her. I've also had the opportunity to meet Jaci Duggard, Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, Harvey Weinstein and others. They're all amazing individuals!!!

Any insights into how we can improve the systems to prevent this from happening?

I think that the implementation of CAC's (child advocacy centers) is a good start!

What's your favorite food?

Raviolis from Olive garden or filet mignon

Did you think you where going to die?

At times, yes. At times it would have been easier - but those thoughts were fleeting

Do shows like kimmy Schmidt or movies like Room bother you for commercialization of abduction stories? And if so do you ever try to fight against their creation?

I've never seen the show - so I don't know. And, honestly, I don't believe there's a point to fight the creation of those types of shows - if it bothers me, I turn it off

Thank you for sharing your story and working to shed light on this dark aspect of humanity.

Do you know anything about trauma-based mind control (sometimes called MKUltra) or Satanic Ritual Abuse? Were either of those an aspect of your capture? How prevalent do you think trauma-based mind control or SRA really is?

UHM, I'm not familiar with either of these. I will have to do some research.

Good luck in your research, but please be cautious. Descriptions of SRA and mind control tactics are hands down the worst things I have ever heard of, and I've heard it can be dangerous for trauma victims to research this. This is a dark topic that doesn't get talked about enough, and in fact is highly suseptible to suppression and censorship. There is also a great deal of "muddying the waters" in this topic, and sorting the truth from lies is no small task.

Please take care, and thank you for this AMA.

Thank you!