The 2nd season of my series, “Typical Rick,” is streaming now on Comedy Central - http://www.cc.com/shows/typical-rick and YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLD7nPL1U-R5qiy2BvfPO1eXrGgwbs5oSp

Simon Rex co-stars with appearances from Chris Delia, Charlie Sheen, Michael Rosenbaum, Nikki Glaser and Peter Dante. Ask me anything.

Proof: https://twitter.com/NickSwardson/status/889895576535408640

THANKS EVERYONE, I GOTTA RUN. I TRIED TO ANSWER EVERYTHING. MANY BLESSINGS. FART.

Comments: 484 • Responses: 86  • Date: 

FuegsterMcCallister124 karma

I know you're a huge Minnesota sports guy, and as an LA Clippers fan, I'm also an alcoholic. So my question for you is what's the best way to numb the pain?

realnickswardson83 karma

I like the Clippers. Bummed Redick is gone.

Memuggin105 karma

How is Gay Robot doing these days?

realnickswardson182 karma

He's surviving. Bless his metal gay heart.

Beardman9580 karma

What is the most fucked up thing that a fan has done/tried to do to you?

realnickswardson181 karma

Someone sent me a Barbie doll once that had my head on it.

dewrecked78 karma

What's the favorite thing you have done so far in your career?

realnickswardson266 karma

Grandma's Boy and Bucky Larson. But I'm proud of all of it. Zero regrets in roles.

benagain163 karma

Hey Nick! Thanks for doing this. You've worked a lot with Adam Sandler over the years. There's a lot of critics who haven't been so kind to his films from the last decade or so. Do you think they're being unfair, or maybe missing out on what he's going for? Also, what do you enjoy about working with him?

realnickswardson266 karma

Critics attack him. Makes no sense. He truly makes movies that make him laugh and that he knows his fans will like. He's genuine guy. He's a legend. You look at his body of work. Albums, SNL, all the movies. Annoys me when people shit on him. Everyone has an opinion but comedy is subjective. If you don't like him, move on. Critics like to feel like they've accomplished something taking shots at him.

bbllaakkee46 karma

just was listening to you on Joe Rogan's podcast!

Please come to NC or SC on your tour soon, would love to check you out.

any plans for a Grandma's Boy 2?

realnickswardson110 karma

No GB2. We just don't want to taint the first one and I might be in SC soon. My boy Danny McBride just moved there.

LammergeierAteMyBone44 karma

I love you Nick Swardson. I sent you a pint of my blood. Did you get my blood?

realnickswardson95 karma

Copy that. Got it right here. Chugging it.

MunificentDouglas42 karma

Are you as miserable as your voice makes you sound?

realnickswardson114 karma

Ha. Amazing question. My voice has cause problems cause girls always think I'm being sarcastic. Everyone thinks I'm annoyed or bored all the time but it's just how I talk. Oh, and all of those things are true.

jzhoodie39 karma

Can the Vikings be the first team in NFL history to win a Super Bowl in their home stadium this year? Is Bradford or Bridgewater the future of the Vikings?

realnickswardson52 karma

Ugh, that's tough. We could be a sleeper this year. It's all O line. And we'll see about Teddy's knee. I like him a lot but that injury was horrendous.

KoolGMatt37 karma

Have you ever eaten corn?

realnickswardson59 karma

Hate corn. No joke.

gundyguns35 karma

How bad is your diarrhea?

realnickswardson67 karma

Volcanic mess

CloudyDaze0933 karma

Hiiii Nick, how are you? A+ hopefully. My question is, will there be a Meatsward Day 3? Bummed I didn't get to see you guys this year but when you're when with a big star like Meatsauce I get it.

realnickswardson27 karma

YES of course. We'll do it till armeggedon

TheMeatiestMan30 karma

What's the most effective way to mask the sound of a fart?

realnickswardson93 karma

Yell "fire"

PRYHMZ25 karma

Hey nick! Big fan of your tv show Pretend Time. Sad it was cancelled. So, my question would be: What is your daily morning routine? And, am i still creepy?

realnickswardson41 karma

Depends. I tour a lot. Write every day. Try to work out. Some weeks I'll just get hammered. Depends on my mood and whether I have to fart.

monkeyclawattack24 karma

Wanna get black out drunk and ask chicks to read us the time on our watches?

realnickswardson30 karma

Duh

BurtMacklin522 karma

Are you gonna do another stand up special anytime soon? I loved your last one, and Seriously, Who Farted? is one of my favorites ever. Would love to see you get a Netflix special!

realnickswardson85 karma

Developing new special for Netflix now to be taped next year.

180e19 karma

[deleted]

realnickswardson45 karma

Of course. Saints opening day game.

thomRe8819 karma

Nick when is the last time you farted?

realnickswardson52 karma

Haven't yet today. Might start to worry.

ranchdepressing17 karma

I saw you at my school years ago. A girl in the back kept screaming "take off your pants." You compared her to a pterodactyl and told her not to have children until she is elderly. Do you remember this?

Also, which side character of yours from an Adam Sandler movie most deserves a spinoff?

realnickswardson27 karma

Haha. Sounds about right. And Billy Madison or Wedding Singer.

kokes8816 karma

Am I out of line when i say the vikes are going 16-0 this year? cuz i dont think so. Im ready to skol my dick off this season

realnickswardson32 karma

Bless your heart.

COM98useracct14 karma

Do you think Adam Sandler should keep making movies?

realnickswardson54 karma

Yes of course. I love Adam. People hate on him and it's like "if you don't like him than don't watch his movies" but he's funny and great.

1XX11XX113 karma

Do you like ponies?

realnickswardson29 karma

A lot. too much

Nimblenewt12 karma

Who looks better in the nude: Meatsauce or Mark Rosen?

realnickswardson21 karma

Rosie. Delicious.

DANcininthedark11 karma

What does David Spade's dick taste like?

realnickswardson87 karma

sea breeze

sharkytacos11 karma

There have been some regulars you work with, like Sandler and Spade. Who is most enjoyable to work with?

realnickswardson34 karma

Those two and Danny McBride.

busch_commanderT211 karma

On a scale of 1 to Norovirus diarrhea, how high was Rogan during the podcast?

realnickswardson28 karma

Haha. He smoked the fires of Mordor (spelling)

ald4311 karma

Do you see yourself making another movie with the guys that made "grandmas boy" again? Also....nobody can obsess like I can obsess Jimmy.....

realnickswardson37 karma

Yes, me and the director of Grandma's Boy developing a couple new movies.

Frank-9311 karma

Whats your favorite Sandler memory?

realnickswardson30 karma

Fuck. too many. He's hilarious. We always laugh a lot. I've truly never gotten a long with anyone so well.

LoudTsu10 karma

Everyone from Minneapolis has a Prince story. What's yours?

realnickswardson15 karma

To long to type. Fack.

bitchboi6910 karma

Do you still fuck with Minnesota?

realnickswardson28 karma

Always and forever

magnagan10 karma

Grandma's boy is in my top 5 fave comedy flicks of all time! my question is: is there plans for a blu-ray release? My DVD looks like poop on my nice tv.

realnickswardson30 karma

Ugh, we've been pushing blue ray for a while. Annoying. Sorry.

Eticket159 karma

Any advice for new comedians?

realnickswardson24 karma

Write every day. Be original. Find your voice, that'll take years. Commit your life to it with no guarantees and smile through bombing.

Wholeskin9 karma

Whats the worst poop you ever took? Please specify the reason for the disaster poop and location of deification.

realnickswardson23 karma

I took a shit in Vegas that looked like green alien barf. It's amazing what drinking a lot does to your body. So bad for you but still sweet. In moderation.

AskAboutMyDumbSite8 karma

Dear Nick, can you guess my favorite joke? If you guessed "I have this cat and it's puking every where. So I took it to the vet, and I was like, hey my cat wont stop puking. So the vet asked me what I was feeding it, and I was all "puke..." you'd be right.

realnickswardson8 karma

But it's not puke

nick_good8 karma

Going straight to the butt stuff. Finger in the butt during a bj, yay or nay???

realnickswardson15 karma

Hooray. Duh.

AlexDaGrate4207 karma

At what age did you start comedy? And As a stand up comedian how long was it in your career before you could call yourself successful?

realnickswardson29 karma

Started at 19 and success is subjective. Maybe 23 years old I started to feel confident about not sleeping in an alley.

busch_commanderT27 karma

What's your favorite bar in MN and why?

realnickswardson13 karma

Green Mill uptown closed. Sad. That was my jam. I like a place with good bar food and TV's. I have to have sports on or I panic.

MnKarmaTrain17 karma

Hi Nick,

Love your shit. Did God ever end up blessing vodka?

realnickswardson12 karma

Yes, of course. ha. Still laughing that I said that on air. Josh was like "what the fuck"

contactlite6 karma

What should I eat tonight?

realnickswardson18 karma

Food. Cat food?

luckylungs6786 karma

How much pot do you smoke? What's a funny memory you have from filming grandmas boy? Do you do any charity work? Loved you in grandmas boy- one of my classic go to stoner films. I just learned about your show via this AMA so I'll be sure to check it out!

realnickswardson19 karma

I actually don't smoke weed. Haven't for maybe 25 years. Everyone thinks I do even though I've said I don't on specials.

realnickswardson17 karma

I don't smoke pot. Everyone thinks I do.

kieltacular6 karma

What are your thoughts on ?

realnickswardson15 karma

Exactly

jenobaggins6 karma

Have you ever eaten pizza from the Tin Shed in Shakopee? It's good.

realnickswardson11 karma

No. But I'll change that.

carru0366 karma

Hey Nick, have a similar problem of being sick way too much. Heard you mention cutting out all Dairy on Rogan's podcast and it working wonders. That's pretty fucking awesome, how long did it take for that to start working and how often do you get sick now that you've completely cut it out?

realnickswardson17 karma

Cut out dairy and sugar. It's immediately feeling better. Do it.

firsttimerforsure5 karma

How was your Flag Day this year?

realnickswardson11 karma

I had diarrhea soooooo........ GREAT

dasbeidler5 karma

How would you rate your roller skating skills?

realnickswardson18 karma

About the same as my figure skating. Olympic.

ald435 karma

Did u ever really say "sucks" around grandma?

realnickswardson8 karma

yeah

ostat105 karma

Who is your favorite celeb/friend to go to twins or Vikings games with?

realnickswardson17 karma

I don't even know who I'm with at the games. I'm always shit faced and screaming. I could have gone to a game with Abe Lincoln and I'd have no idea.

rambow135 karma

Your MN stand up shows always sell out so quickly, any thoughts on a longer stay in the future?

realnickswardson15 karma

Yeah, I should do a long run. Good call.

CropDuster1014 karma

How high did Rogan get you??

realnickswardson20 karma

I didn't smoke. But Joe smoked enough for all of Narnia.

eatmyshorts00374 karma

What was your dream apart from being an actor?

realnickswardson13 karma

That's all I had. No other dream. Truly. When I was a child I wanted to be an architect cause of the movie Three Men and a Baby.

Dr_King_Schultz4 karma

Why do you think Bucky Larson was snubbed by the Emmys?

realnickswardson15 karma

Robots, man, robots.

Ghost4344 karma

So do you remember taking this photo after you performed at Cal U of PA back in September 2013? http://imgur.com/a/4dXii

realnickswardson6 karma

Vaguely.

mpa0423 karma

Ever thought about writing a book?

realnickswardson14 karma

Yes for sure. I will at some point if the lord doesn't decide to 86 me from earth.

PCProductions3 karma

Who are your favorite comics at the moment?

realnickswardson10 karma

haven't seen anyone in a while. I've been doing this 21 years. The last thing I do is watch stand up.

itsjonnyj3 karma

You come into my restaurant all the time! Can I introduce you to kanye?!

realnickswardson8 karma

Which one?

Brostarr3 karma

I'm gonna see your standup at the Chumash casino in December we're gonna drink beers after right?!?

realnickswardson5 karma

Rad. Sure.

Groovy_Peppers3 karma

Hi Nick, what are your next goals and dreams to accomplish?

realnickswardson18 karma

Just keep creating. New show and more movies. But I'd like to travel the world more and help out more. Help drunk people walk home in other countries. Train squirrels to give rim jobs. Typical dreams.

Mackaii3 karma

What's one of the best things about filming a TV Show/Movie in your opinion?

realnickswardson9 karma

If you have creative control!!

Wholeskin3 karma

If you wernt an actor what job do u think youd have/want?

realnickswardson18 karma

School teacher. Grade school. I like making kids laugh and I'm not that smart so I could teach easy shit and look like a genius. And they'd be as immature as I am. I'd teach fart noises.

Burritobabyy3 karma

Who do you like to collaborate with the most? Also, when are you going to do another stand up special?

realnickswardson9 karma

I'd love to do some on camera stuff with Stiller. New special next year. Netflix.

Newdeegurl643 karma

Happy to see you back on CC, man. Will you and Rogan really do a companion podcast soon and watch Laserblast?

realnickswardson5 karma

Fuck yeah we will.

curiousquestioner163 karma

Who is your favorite person to co-star with?

realnickswardson5 karma

Sandler or Danny McBride

Skooter_McGaven3 karma

If you could work with anyone who has passed that you never got a chance to, who would it be?

realnickswardson7 karma

Charlie Chaplin. Worship him.

-WhistleWhileYouLurk3 karma

How will you find meaning in life, without Chris Hardwick yelling "points" to let you know something you've done was worthwhile?

Also, I'll promise you unlimited points for life if you can talk Hardwick or Lennon in to giving me a shot at hosting @midnight, instead of canceling it.

realnickswardson3 karma

Bummed out. that show was so fun. Daniel Day Lewis is hosting now. Way different vibe.

KaleyJo3 karma

Which do you hate more? The Saints, The Packers, or Packer Fans?

realnickswardson7 karma

great question. Packers the team.

WharfRat553 karma

Do you watch ricky and morty?

realnickswardson7 karma

Yeah, really funny. Original and brilliant. Inspiring when new stuff comes out.

HuntBrianJ2 karma

Some would describe your clothing as young & reckless, what clothing line would describe your naked body?

realnickswardson8 karma

Pale and smelly

HockeyPeppers2 karma

Pearl Jam and the chili peppers. Favorite songs?

realnickswardson4 karma

Tooooo many greats. Impossible. In Hiding is one of my fav PJ songs.

987f2 karma

How's your health?

realnickswardson3 karma

Great. Working out a ton. Gained weight for TR2 so now losing that. Been eating vegan to try something new.

TheAwes0meFish2 karma

Hey Nick! Thanks for doing this!

So I was able to go to your show at UCF (which was fucking hilarious I might add), and wanted to ask:

  1. What did you think of the whole Orlando area?

  2. Would you consider going back to perform at UCF?

Thanks again for doing this!

realnickswardson12 karma

Yes I would, I like Orlando. I'm a rare person that likes Florida. A lot of people hate on it but I like that it's rogue as shit. And I like the weather. All my Florida shows have been great. They show me a lot of love.

Harrydolans2 karma

Going to any wolves games?

realnickswardson7 karma

Got season tix. I'll be there for sure.

[deleted]2 karma

[deleted]

realnickswardson4 karma

Sorry. We'll make it happen soon.

FletchedUp2 karma

Can you tell us about your STD from the silent film era?

For real though, whats your favorite pizza topping?

realnickswardson6 karma

Pineapple

captaindaddio2 karma

Pro-circumsize or nay?

realnickswardson10 karma

Pro

alohaknown2 karma

Whats up Nick! Big fan, been going through some tough times and just started watching Typical Rick and all i can say is your awesome and thank you for the laughs! Hope you make it back to the islands as I was working during your last visit.

Who the hell thought of Alligator Repair Dick lol?

realnickswardson3 karma

Hang in there bro. And I thought of alligator repair dick ha. And I'll be back on the islands this fall just chilling. No shows. Oahu. Aloha.

Le_kabob2 karma

Hi Nick, big fan. If you were going to build a desk out of wood, how would you go about constructing it?

realnickswardson9 karma

Blindfolded on vodka.

SymphonyInPeril1 karma

Hey, Nick! Thanks for doing this.

Have you considered/will you PLEASE start doing a podcast?

I've been hearing you on a few lately and they've been unreal funny.

Edit: also, my friends and I still quote the Mr. Creepy skit.

realnickswardson6 karma

Not going to do a podcast. I like doing other peoples. and Mr. Creepy was the best. So disturbing.

matty_a71 karma

Have you been up to Duluth?

And

Do you want the TWolves to trade Wiggins for Kyrie?

realnickswardson2 karma

Yes, a long time ago. And don't want to trade Wiggins. Love Kyrie. I want to see this squad play together. Kyrie feels like he'll be coming in rogue.

gorrilalivesmatter1 karma

If you looked in a mirror, what would you kill yourself with?

realnickswardson1 karma

A toilet seat

carru0361 karma

Would you trade Wiggins for Irving why or why not? Much love from MN 🤘🏻

realnickswardson2 karma

No, I'd like to see this squad as is.