IAMA Bouncer who has been shot at, tazed, stabbed, maced, punched, and clawed by enormous women back for another AMA. So AMA!

I'm an Asian in his mid 20's. I look like I'm 17. I have noticed that bouncers/people that check IDs never question my age-- which is a comment I get meeting new people almost 100% of the time. Can you tell who's actually of legal age or using a fake? And have you ever noticed individuals using a fake ID but not care?

Fake I.D.s are actually way easier to spot than you think. Most don't have the hologram on the back, or have the wrong one. If I see someone I think has a fake I ask them what year they graduated high school. Often times they'll have their fake address and birthday memorized, but that throws them off. Back in the day it was pretty easy for me to get into places with my fake because I knew what they were gonna ask.

Can you comment on judging people prior to seeing their ID? Do you have sterotypes? like in my case: "this guy looks 17 but probably legal cause he's Asain."

Well yeah, if I think they look young then I'm gonna ask questions but I'm not gonna assume someone's underage because of their ethnicity.

Damn, that's some RNS.

Where do you even get a fake ID? I never tried to get one.

Disclaimer; I'm well over 21, and don't need a fake ID.

From China. They send it in a toaster

Best attempted bribe story?

I was working V.I.P. for an event at the bar. Very high profile. Karl Malone and his family had a booth. These dudes offered me $360 to let then in V.I.P. I still kick myself for saying no. My boss did say he appreciates my dedication, which eventually led to a raise so it wasn't all bad.

How has working as a bouncer affected your general opinion of humanity?

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."

Is your dog people?

"Look, Lana! He thinks he's people!

How many naked people have you had to throw out?

None fully naked. 2 drunk dudes that were pissing inside the bar though. Threw them out with their pants down. Don't piss in my bar.

What are the best and worst parts about your job?

Best- Half priced alcohol and I get paid very well.

Worst- Drunk asses doing drunk things. So much vomit.

How many times has a girl come into you while you're working?

How hard is it to keep professional in a setting that does anything but make you want to act professionally?

What do you tell your friends when they invite you to go clubbing?

Dude, all the time. And I have to act like I'm a badass, so I stand there with my arms crossed and I'll have like 3 or 4 girls grinding on me trying to get me to laugh. It's actually very easy to pick up women at the bar.

If my friends wanna go out to the bar, yeah I'm down. I like people and booze.

Ever faced a gun or knife?

Ever had a pissed off patron return to confront you?

Do you use pressure points?

Yes. Both.

I was standing outside shooting the shit with my coworkers and there was a drive by. They thought I was part of the gang and started shooting. Luckily they all sucked. They were caught a few hours later thanks to our security cameras.

Fuck people that bring knives to the bar. I actually got stabbed...in the knee. Something something skyrim. And another time my elementary school bully showed up to the bar and pulled a knife on me. Knives suck.

Most people I kick out that come back actually apologize for being shitheads. Ive made a lot of friends by kicking people out.

Nah, just a headlock usually.

Did you kick the bully's ass?

yep. check out /r/ProRevenge its up there somewhere

What's the best way to bypass the line or get in without waiting too long on a packed night?

You have to work at the bar or know the owners. Sorry bro beans.

What's the most profane/NSFW thing you've seen someone do in your bar?

Two dudes fucking in the bathroom. I walked in the bathroom, saw what was happening and Noped the fuck out of there. I don't get paid enough for that shit.

Have you ever thrown someone out (literally)?

Yep. It was just like Uncle Phil throwing out Jazz.

Ever have trouble with people you've thrown out trying to sue you or file charges?

I had a guy threaten to shoot me and countless douche canoes say theyll whoop my ass, but no, no suing.

I'm sure most of the fights you've been in with patrons have been with those alpha-male, trouble-maker type of guys who are fueled by adrenaline and booze. Do you have any funny stories of wimpy guys or girls that you've had to bounce?

Last week there was a 5 on 1 fight between these tiny dudes and one big redneck. I broke it up and the little dudes started attacking me. It was like the little cousins at a family reunion trying to climb me. They thought they were hot shit and I just slowly picked them up and threw them out one by one.

What's the worst mistake you made on the job?

When I had just started I made the mistake of giving 21 and over wristbands to my friends that were underage. I had shitwork for the next month. Don't ever do that.

WHY do you keep antagonizing so many enormous women??

BECAUSE they wont stop screaming when they see their friends!

Wonderful response, I don't have an actual question for you though.

Thanks broski

I figure you must have a lot of connections after bouncing for awhile. Why not get on the promotional side of things? No one tries to knife you AND you still get payed.!

I actually just got promoted to manager last month! I still bounce at least once a week though for funsies. And yeah, I do. When Im ready to move on, it wont be hard.

What was the sneakiest way that anyone tried to get passed you?

The two most common ways are for people to just stroll right in like they own the place expecting me not to stop them, and for people to jump the fence in the back. Neither of them work.

Ever had cops show up?

We have a cop on duty at all times, so yes. Last week we had the whole town's PD in the parking lot because some drunkass took his shirt off and was punching cars with a joint in this mouth.

How Tall Are You And What Is Your Weight And Do You Have Any Special training or do you rely on your size?

6'5 240lbs. I was an offensive lineman and national champion powerlifter in college. I rely on my ability to talk to people. If I have to kick someone out, I'll talk to them first. No one wants to stab the cool bouncer.

What were your best lift numbers? What can you do now?

squat- 610 bench-450 deadlift-670

i can beat u up

Dude I'm sure, I don't know how to fight

what was the best threat anyone has told you after you threw them out?

I had a dude a few weeks ago tell me he was gonna shoot me after I threw him out for bringing in outside liquor.

Have you ever been sent to the hospital because of how some bar patrons attacked you?

Have you ever gotten completely shitfaced drunk on the job?

Yep. I got stabbed and had to have surgery.

Not on the job, but before the job, yes. It wasn't on purpose though. Damn Kraken Rum.

Where did you get stabbed?

In the knee. Something something Skyrim

You look and sound so much like my boyfriend did in college. It's eerie.

Are you in a fraternity? If so, which one?

I was back in the day. Pi Kappa Phi.

I've asked this of (I ummmm think) another AMA bouncer before so I'll ask asecond one.
Which gender do you find to be more troublesome, male or female?

Female. They think they can get away with way more so they break the rules way more often .

Ever dated and/or fucked a chick (or dude if you're into that) that frequented your bar? Do you have a physical type when it comes to women??

Yep. A few girls. It's very easy. I'm mostly into extremes. Like very short or very tall girls. If a girl is above 6'2 or below 5'3, my eyes shoot hearts.

Since you mentioned you were a powerlifter, what's the best pound-for-pound food or supplement to help you gain mass and/or strength?

chicken breast/tuna/potatoes/rice. Protein and carbs. No sugar, some fats.

He's back! Love reading through your AMAs

I have a bit of a strange one for you. did bouncing change your personality in any way? For example were you shy and become more confident? Anything like that?

I've become very desensitized to things. Like I don't get bothered by the smell or sight of vomit, shit, piss, or blood now. It all seems very normal because I have to clean it up on a daily basis.

I also have a very high tolerance for violence now. I saw a dude get his jaw broken and a bunch of teeth knocked out the other day and I was just like "meh, that sucks." It was no big deal to me because I'm around it all the time.

How turned on were you by these enormous women?

somewhere between not at all and entirely

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Who the fuck just asks someone if they're a prick?