IamA Comedian Who Jet Ski’d From Chicago to New Orleans to Send 500 Goats and 1,000 Chickens to Africa, AMA!

I heard you and Kristen Schaal once did the "Kristen Schaal is a Horse" bit for 10 straight minutes. Is that true?

10 minutes MIGHT be a stretch. But there was one time in Melbourne Australia that we were both very drunk and I just decided I was gonna do it until I could no longer go. We did it for a LONG time. I definitely felt like 10 minutes. That bit is so dumb and we've travelled the world on that bit. Always makes me laugh to think about it.

is Kristen Schaal still a horse ?

always. come on. what the fuck.

Hey there Kurty B. Huge fan. I have so many questions but one that I have always thought of asking comedians is this:

 You tour the country and see new people every week. Hopefully, you leave a positive memory and impact on them. Have you ever thought about how your one encounter could be a story, a memory, or even a life changing event to that person while you are just working?

P.S. I have listened to your album 20 times at least, watched your fight skit on YouTube a bunch, and listen to the podcast. You are not only a comedian I find funny but a person who I truly relate to. I could go on and on for hours with questions and comments but I will not try to take up all of your time.

Thanks man, I appreciate the kind words.

It's kind of tough to think about how people might view your act - i think because you do it so many times, you have such an inside baseball approach to it. But hearing questions like this is helpful. Means I should fucking bring it, even I'm playing in the shittiest town in the world (which is Miami.)

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I love the Saint - I'm talking with Asbury Lanes about doing a show there actually. m=it might even be a ROUSTABOUT SHOW! I fucking love asbury. I grew up there and Neptune.

How did you decide on your charity? (it's a great cause and i love answering questions about the Roustabout t-shirt!)

Well, Scotty Landes (@marylandmudflap) who is my writing partner is the one who had the idea of giving the gift of goats. Which I loved - because it really is a renewable resource for that family. And then when Comedy Central got involved, they had a relationship with Heifer already so it was kind of perfect becasue Heifer has been doing this for so long and is already so respected it's not like we were just giving it to "Brian's Goat Farm - we promise we give em to africans ferreal".

Hey Kurt! I love Bunk and the episodes of Roustabout I've seen so far. How did you and Kristen Schaal meet/become comedy partners?

I was performing at the PIT in NYC and I asked the Assistant Director there if I could start a variety show and he said - Kristen just asked me the same thing. I didn't know Kristen at the time (this is 10 years ago) but I had seen her perform and thought she was great. I just walked backstage and yelled across (I think a crowded) theatre "Hey wanna do a variety show withe me?" and she was like"ok." We had never hung out, never really spoken, but then it turned out we really clicked and had the same sense of humor. We've been hosting that same variety show every monday for ten years. Hot Tub - come see it at The Virgil in LA.

Hey Kurt, when can I finally get my hands on a cat wallet?

holy fuck - DEEP CUT QUESTION - that was one of my first bits ever. About my cat running a bar in my closet when I went out. Marianne Ways actually made me like 15 tiny cat wallets to sell after shows. I still have them. They cost one nickel. That's how much cat drinks are.

When and if humans leave the earth to start colonizing other planets and asteroids what animals do you hope they select to go with them. Why or why not?

Personally I hope it's only dachshunds. And then they get loose and they have no natural predators and for 100s of years there's giant herds of feral dachshunds roaming mars. MARS WEINER DOG ARMY YALL

Hi Kurt! A few questions: First, how was you taco experience on the mighty Mississippi? Do you have any recommendations for must do taco-eateries in the heartland of America? If so names and locations please. Second, as a water-sports enthusiast myself I know that prolonged exposure in a wet suit can lead to serious chaffing issues. Did you have a trick for treating said problems? Did it involve tacos? Thanks, Best wishes!

I rubbed catfish tacos all over my dick.

Kurt! Would you rather die by being pecked to death by 12 woodpeckers or suffocated by 10,000 hummingbirds?

Hummingbirds! C'mon. That's adorable. Woodpeckers would take sooooo long.

Do you think the EPA will have the power to shut down businesses in the new Ghostbusters?

ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WANT THAT PART!

What's your favorite format for the K Ohle and are there any episodes you'll never forget?

My favorite is probably Get Lost - my favorite moment - I have 2 - one was brining Rory Scovel to that abandoned nuclear missel silo - that place is so fucking weird. And the other was jumping the fence on a dam with Dan St Germaine and running 300 stairs down a dam to fin the "Devil's Gate" near the Jet propolsuion lab. Listen to that one it's fucking insane.

Hi Kurt! I've been a fan since you were shot with that camera cannon on TCGS. It's been interesting to hear you cover topics on your podcast then hear them from a new perspective during a show. Is there a difference for you when you tell these stories?

Can't wait for your show tonight at Cap City! See you later.

I'm usually just talking on the podcast about stuff I want later talk about on stage - so on the podcast you're hearing it in it's infancy. And then if you hear it on stage it's because it's gotten polished (hopefully)

In the wake of your This American Life episode, have you been contacted by any of the hundreds or thousands of women you undoubtedly seduced during the course of your rumspringa?

Sometimes I'll run into one and it's like I have a public explanation for why I was such a dick to them. But it's doesn't matter. I was not very likable then. It's always awkward.

Hello there Kurt. Two things.

You told a joke on stage at hot tub in march 2014 about washing machines. I have been hoping to hear that joke told again since then because my twin and I were laughing so hard from your show we couldn't hear the end of the joke. (we asked to take a picture with you after the show. big blond dudes, i was the fat one. lost 30 pounds since then)

You seem to have lived a very interesting and unique life, which has given you a very interesting and unique view on life, i.e. that we only want to meet God when we are drunk, that eating a pocket egg is incredibly sad, etc. How do you think your view influences your comedy? How does your wife influence your comedy?

edit: ever heard of sonder? its a made up word but i think you would like it.

oh man. Now I want to know what the joke was about washing machines? I have no joke about washing machines (at least that made it into regular rotation.) Do you remember what the premise of the joke was?

I dunno know if I can separate my view point from my comedy - it's all kind of the same to me - I just say things that I think are funny? That's the worst way I could put it at least. And my wife helps with my comedy - I can talk stuff out with her - she has a much more mainstream thought process about stuff so she helps me get an idea from my crazy brain to a way other people will understand it.

apparently the washing machine was actually a trash compactor. something about "oh this is a big washing machine" as you threw your clothes into a bedroom. the front desk said you didn't have a washing machine what did you put your clothes into. thats all i can really remember.

hahahahah. I forgot about that joke! Wait - that was maybe on my half hour for comedy central? I have to go check. Fuck I had totally forgotten about that joke. i like that joke. I should do it tonight. thanks for reminding me.

Hey Kurt! I'm the pink floaties guy from Chicago. I finished all the episodes the other day and had a fantastic time.

I saw your "message in a bottle" project, which I hope delivers excellent results - do you have any more projects in the works?

Also- are you ever going to be on Comedy Bang! Bang! (podcast or TV)? That would be awesome.

Thanks for letting me sit in on ROUSTABOUT!

FLOATIES GUY! Thanks for coming out to the send off, man. It was mostly just you and that old man who was confused.

Still trying to meet people through the message in a bottle bit - no one has responded yet! As for CBB - I was supposed to be on the Twin Shadow ep but had to cancel last minute, so hopefully soon.

Hey Kurt! I'm from New Orleans. Did you hit up any good restaurants while you were here? What was your favorite?

You know i love NOLA. And the food is fucking incredible. But there's on place I found once and have never been able to find again - it's WAY down on Magazine street, and it's just a person's house - but in the day time around lunch - they open the front door and there's kind of a restaurant inside and they made me the most amazing po boy I've ever had in my entire life. I've never been able to find it again. It's like it was a dream.

Kurt, do you still surf and how much do you miss Rockaway?

hahaha - I miss the people at rockaway. I don't miss the crowds or the shitty localism at all (even though I was almost a local there - bungalocal). I surf as much as I can when I'm not on the road - and everywhere else I surf - hawaii, california, australia - everyone is nicer in the water than in rockaway - and the waves are way better.

But I do miss 12 years ago in Rock, when it was only like a 2 dozen of us who surfed consistently in the winter. And when it would snow we'd have BBQs and surf and drink and surf in the blizzard. Those were the days. That was some real fucking Rockaway magic.

You WHAT?

yup

Hey Kurt, who do you most want to Get Lost with? Where would you take them?

Robert Downey Jr - an abandoned amusement park called Santa Land outside of LA

Loved you in Delocated as Jon's warmup guy! Have you ever worked as a real warm up guy for any show?

nope!

Hey Kurt, big fan of the podcast, if you ever wondered who the hell is getting the show in Arkansas it's me, my question is: since comics (excluding Joe Rogan) are not necessarily physically adventurous people, is it harder to book ppl for Get Lost or Killer Rips? Or is it simply an issue of free time that people have? Love the show, and I wouldn't be mad if you did ads, anything to help you out and keep it going! Thanks Kurt!

Yeah Get Lost scares some comedians a bit. They're like "oh ok! you have fun doing that!" There's a control issues definitely. The real problem with Get Lost is that I'm running out of locations in and around LA. I almost exclusively can only do them on the road now. Killer Rips is tough cuz there's only a handful of comedians who surf.

Kurt,

Could you describe for us your perfect Sunday?

potato salad blender some molly and 100 puppies i'm a simple man

I had a dream the other night that I accidentally dropped my rubber duck collection in a storm drain, like the ones they raced through in the movie Grease. You were windsurfing there and helped me get them all back. Then we went to Jonah Ray's house to all hang out and drink beer. You and Jonah just wanted to listen to Belle and Sebastian and it drove me crazy so I left. But it was fun hanging out with you otherwise. Thank you for rescuing my ducks.

And a question because apparently it needs one or they delete it; When are you coming back to San Diego?

I WON'T LISTEN TO THAT BELLE AND SEBASTIAN SHIT MAYBE JONAH WOULD FUCK YOUR DREAM. Also, I'm not sure.

Kurtis, Hello sir. Firstly, yes, please come back to Asbury. Secondly, who's currently your favorite comedian?

DOUG STANHOPE. Always and forever. I'm terrified to meet him. I think I might get weird. Go watch Beerhall Putsch on Netflix and you will agree.

On a deeper level, what is comedy from your perspective?

just a slap from a wet sock with a donut inside it.

Two questions. Who is your dream guest to get on the podcast? And have you had any backlash on the naming of the Pet-O-Philia format?

one guy suggested I was taunting survivors of abuse by naming it that. I don't think I am - but it made me more sensitive to it. I might actually change the name to "Don't Fuck Kids, Fuck Animals (JK, do neither!"

I am a proud owner of the keep it dry towel. In your humble opinion, what is the best use for this item?

keepin' it dry, duh

Kurt! Huge fan of your work. How do I Land is my favourite comedy album, I've listened to it an embarrassing number of times. I'm hoping to see you live soon, and if not, where can I hear some new material?

Cheers from Calgary, AB

There's my half hour comedy central special (I think only 5 minutes of that was on my album). available on itunes. you can always listen to the podcast - oh and I'm going to be on the Late Night with Seth Meyers on Feb 25th. There's also my set on adam devine's house party.

Mr.Braunohler! Love the stand up, loved Roustabout, and I am a newer fan of your podcast The K Ohle. I just wanted to ask where did you get the idea for the Boat Show and Pet-o-Phelia formats?

I pitched all three ideas to Katie who runs the nerdist podcast and she said "Why don't you do all three" and I was like, "I can do that?'

So I really have her to thank.

Kurt, I wanted to say one of the funniest things I had heard in a long time is when you were on the Bonezone and you guys called Halloween stores. I was incredibly surprised at how long people will just stay on the phone just in the name of customer service. Thank you for the laugh!

Question: What is the hardest you have ever laughed and why?

Once I saw a narcoleptic dog. That was pretty funny. fucking dog.

Hey Kurt I love what you're doing but my question has nothing to do with that. When could we expect another comedy album out from you? How Do I Land was hilarious.

Also I saw your Roustabout show with Kyle Kinane and Matt Braunger down in LA earlier this month and it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Keep doing silly shit.

thanks man. I think I'd like to do an hour long special instead of just an album next BECAUSE I WANT TO SHOW PEOPLE THIS BELLY I'M GORWING

Did you really cross off "kill someone" from that joke poster in your living room in front of some floozie from the bar?

HEY! SHE WASN'T A FLOOZIE.

But yes I did. But she didn't leave. That part is for the joke. She stayed and we made love on the couch.

LOVE

Hi Kurt! I just watched Roustabout (been pumped for it since it was announced!) and I was wondering, was there anything about the trip that was really memorable, good or bad, that didn't get shown in the final episodes?

I think the main thing that didn't make the cut is the hours and hours and hours of direct to camera improvising I did. I would just jet ski, with a mic on, and improvise just talking about whatever I wanted to. And it's pretty boring on the river after 4 hours so I kind of started going insane and it was just these long rants about harrison ford or why beavers are dicks. They were just too long and disjointed to fit on a tiny webisode.

Kurt, you said you were a big Unwound fan. Have you seen or heard Survival Knife, the new band with Justin and Brandt? If not, why not? If so, did you like them?

FUCK YEAH I HAVE. I played a show with Survival Knife at a record store in Portland. Thanks to Kill Rock Stars for setting that up. It was a horrible show for me, because no one expected comedy. They expected to be fucking ROCKED. But I gave it to them long and hard and made it real awkward for everyone. Opening for bands can either be the best or the worst. But even at it's worst you can still enjoy the band after. And Survival Knife fucking rocks.

Who and how did this idea to jet ski for charity come about? And what's your favorite thing about Wyatt Cenac?( Mine is his beard.)

See above for answer to your first part. My favorite thing about Wyatt is the he's constantly negative while also being excited. It's a rare quality.

Hey Kurt, outside of Roustabout, what's been your favorite travel experience doing standup?

My favorite travel experience was probably doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I love Australia and that city is so awesome. And going surfing at Bells Beach and Shanks was amazing.

Hi Kurt, I saw you live for the first time at a benefit at the echoplex in LA. You were absolutely amazing. My question is about a set you did back in May 2012 at the Risk! Live show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZ5-fNjYZNY

My question is, did you and your friend that you visited ever recover? Do you two still talk? This set really did touch me and I could really relate to it so thank you for being willing to share a hard time in your life.

I think about him at least once a week. I never get the balls to call him. I'm a fucking coward. Part of it is that I'm still mad, and part of it is that I think I was probably a dick too. I really should. But every time I go to pick up the phone something stops me. ugh. we're all fucking cowards some time.

Have you ever been in trouble for doing Get Lost? Like getting the cops called on you or something.

Not yet! And I just did a fucking rad one in Austin today! Look for it Tuesday.

Is the Mcdonalds Apple Pie bit true? I think that may have been the funniest stand up set I've ever seen

It is 100% true. I am sorry.

Kurt, I've noticed from your Instagram feed that you play pinball every now and then. Do you play regularly? If so, where do you like to play and what's your favorite machine?

I just played last night at Pinballz in Texas. I really like playing pinball - primarily because it's a way to have fun at a bar where you don't have to talk to anyone.

My favorite one is Star Trek: TNG - such a good machine.

Hi! You're one of my favorite comedians. I really love your ways of inserting absurdity into strangers' lives. Do you have a favorite dumb idea you were never able to pull off? Jive hustler!

Yeah - I still want to make really dumb billboards in the middle of the desert. Like really out in the middle of nowhere. It's just expensive.

Hello Kurt! I'm a big fan of your work and I have recently started dabbling in stand up. I know you like to do bits about animals and other interesting, but different, topics. I was wondering how you came to acquire such a unique style and what your process is like?

Just talk about what you wanna talk about. And do it a lot. A LOT. And get ready to put yourself in a business that is inherently unfair. JUST LIKE LIFE!

Can you recommend any decent photographers in the Westport, CT area?

Brian Thomthon is my go to photog for all my West Connecticut needs.

Did you ever make up with Sacha?

No. I don't know him. I don't think he's even heard the story.

Hey Kurt, I hope you enjoyed your short time in my neck of the woods (Central IL) filming "B-roll".

Is @Midnight as fun to be on, as it looks? Who would be your dream panel to go on with?

it is as fun. my dream panel would be that super intelligent dolphin that's friends with Henry Rollins in the movie "Johnny Mneumonic" and Henry Rollins.