AMA with Dane Cook - comedian and almost-human.

Hey Dane!

How do you manage to sit with balls so big as to come on reddit to do an AMA? This here is Louis CK circlejerk country and your name quite often gets thrown around like mud! Is this something an agent told you to do or are you actively trying to turn around the community?

Personally, I don't mind you, not the greatest stand up I've seen if I'm honest but very likeable on stage and on film. Why do you think you came under such heat for accusations of...borrowing material when so many other artists do the same?

I think sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel. If you're really a fan of standup comedy, I'm not really sure that question applies to me. If you are truly interested in understanding stand ups, you should go back and watch some of the great standup comedians from the 70's and 80's, and realize how many of them have crossover material and that we all talk about the same type of things. I think at the end of the day, Louis and I had a personal matter that became public domain, and I'm okay with that, because it really solidified to me that I was a true standup comedian, because I was finally being discussed with the names of some of the people I admired most. So you take the good with the bad.

Thanks for your question.

can you still flick a cashew from boner to mouth? after your comedy special i practiced my ass off and would love to challenge you to a duel of sorts.

HAHA!

That bit came from being on the road, all alone in the middle of - where was I? I believe I was in Virginia? - and there was a container of mixed nuts. I tried almonds, I think I tried a brazil nut, but the cashew was the right fit for the catapult. And... yes. You can challenge me to a duel. No pictures, no video.

Hey Dane, you were hysterical in "Waiting...". My question is, what was filming that movie like? Any funny stories you'd want to share? Thanks.

That's one of my favorite movies because I had worked in so many restaurants, and had experienced all of those things, that to be performing with Justin Long, Anna Faris, Ryan Reynolds, and all of us putting our early waiting service and working in a kitchen stills in that comedy was a blast. We laughed SO much on that movie. There was a lot of improvisation, and we were constantly challenging each other to come up with the funnier way to make somebody react, or gross somebody out, all good memories from that movie.

Dude, during the myspace era, you were the biggest person on the fucking planet. A self made guy who ran shit and was the funniest person to me and my friends in our lives. We imitated you, made wild animated gestures when we talked, and picked up crazy myspace girls with our wit and humor when we were just basically jocking your style. I just wanna thank you for you being you. You had a great influence on my early 20s and helped my humor and comedic tastes grow over time.

I guess my question is: jesus, man, how fucking dope was myspace? How different is our world today? It's not like a comedian can start a facebook page today and imitate what you did and how you started when you blew up with your myspace page. Do you wish it could all go back to those days?

MySpace, the MySpace era, was absolutely crazy-fun for me. I went from being an unknown stand-up comedian on the road for 10 years to actually finding not just several fans, but several million. I would spend entire days communicating with people and forging relationships and finding the people that could help me sustain my career. I know that tonight, when Troublemaker airs, it will be because of how I worked with my fans back then to put me on the map.

It was certainly some of the most fun I've ever had online.

If you remember, you had the "top 8" - you could choose your top 8 friends? And I would always put the most beautiful women on my top 8, because i Knew that if I had some sexy girls hanging out, the dudes would come hang out too. I felt like I was running a digital nightclub. I had more laughs and correspondence there with people around the world. I don't miss it, because i felt like it was ALL mine for a small period of time - like I had a secret and no other performer knew what I knew - which was how I was going to build my brand and take over the comedy world, one joke at a time.

Dane, quick and easy question. Will there ever be an Employee of the Month 2? Underrated comedy in my opinion.

No.

what do you miss most about your school years?

I had a tough time back in school. I don't really miss school at all, until I got into high school and found drama. But prior to that, it was excruciating for me to go to school. I had so many social anxieties - I Had a tree called the "Throw up Tree" and stopped at it most days, where i either got sick or had to fight back the urge to get sick, because i was so intimidated by other people. I was afraid of bullies, I was afraid I wouldn't know the answers if the teacher asked me a question. I think that comedy imagination can also get us in trouble, because we can ruminate and get ourselves worked up unnecessarily. But once I found drama and started working on performances, it built my confidence and gave me the opportunity to find my voice and true friendship with some of my peers.

Dane, I know you were a huge fan of LOST. What's your favorite TV series these days? Do you watch Game of Thrones?

Game of Thrones - unbelievable. Whenever that theme music comes on, you have to sing it. You have to make up your own words to it! And the Nick is my other favorite show. It's so dark, and twisted, but the performances are exceptional.

Someone asked how i fill time on the road:

Not as difficult as it used to be. Once you're headlining shows, it's a lot easier to communicate with the locals to find out what some of the fun stuff to do is wherever you go. But early on, when you're just trying to figure out who you are onstage, and you're not making very much money, to where you can't even afford to go down to the local whatever, museum, I don't know, it's a lot more difficult in those early years to really find the fun in it. But now i really can't wait for the travel.

I also bring a lot of my friends too, so that's cool.

In an alternative universe where comedy does not exist, here's what I would be doing: I would probably be an assassin. The Professional is one of my favorite movies. And whenever I watch it, I always feel some strange kinship to Leon.

How often do you go for a movie audition and have you ever tried out for a Schwarzenegger or Stallone movie? Do you ever pump iron and who are your fitness role models?

I do work out.

Early in my 20's, I was on the road a lot and got definitely out of shape, because when you're a comedian, you eat 9 course meals at 4 AM. I've never auditioned for a Stallone or Schwarzenegger movie, but I did do a movie with Jason Statham. And his handshake almost turned my bones to dust.

Hey Dane, Big Fan! Love the movie you did called Mr. Brooks.

On the show "Watch what Happens Live" you said you slept with a few hundred girls in your younger days. How many girls do you think you have slept with in your entire life?

I don't know. I don't know. I've never kept track, I'm not one of those guys that kept a "little black book," there's no app on my phone. Let's just say that when I was in my college years, I...I smelt the flowers.

Yea is there anything you don't want us to ask you?

Hmmmmm.

Please don't ask me about some of the clothing options I put together during my early standup years.

And please don't google and find those pictures.

Thank you.

Hey, Dane! Big fan I've got a couple of questions.

What made you want to get into stand up comedy? And who would you say your influences are when it comes to other comedians? Favorite comedian performing today?

Thanks!

I always knew I wanted to be a standup comedian. As long as I can remember, when I was a little kid, I was infatuated with watching performers. I would sneak up late at night and watch The Tonight Show, or stay up super late and watch Letterman, and I would study these people and the comedians that performed on their shows and had an insatiable appetite to learn more about this art form that is standup comedy.

I feel the comedians that helped structure my ability were guys like Pryor, Carlin, I loved Kinnison, all the young comedian specials that were on in the '80s, and to this day, I am so proud to call Jerry Lewis one of the funniest, most creative legendary talents of all time, to call him my friend. And he's still funny as ever at 89.

Guys I like today are... I really really enjoy Jerrod Carmichael's special. And I like Brent Morin, and the guys I came up with, the graduating class of comedy, are the funniest guys I know.

Is there any joke you regret saying in a live performance? Or any joke that had a reaction completely different than expected?

There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist. And I think if you're not getting some kind of reaction from people, whether they love you and think you're hilarious, or hate you and think you're a douche, I think you're doing something wrong. The key to attempting to create art in some aspect is also knowing that it will turn some people off.

Hey Dane, just heard you on Comedy Bang Bang this week. Are you upset that you'll be turning into a non-sentient millionaire alligator in just 29 days?

Hahaha!

Comedy Bang! Bang! is one of the weirdest, most outlandlish shows I've been a part of. And I would gladly do it again, anytime Scott wants me. Him and Reggie have an amazing thing going there. That question was so fucking weird. But we had a blast trying to figure out what the right answer is that Scott would accept.

When people recognize you, what joke do they bring up the most?

I think most people...say...whenever I'm in a supermarket, people say "Get the jelly, Twat" which I wouldn't think would be the most quoted thing, but I hear them yell it from the next aisle because they saw me in the store.

Hi Dane,

Kind of a personal question, but if you don't mind sharing, I'm curious to know. You had a bit about some guy who was emailing you terrible things right around the time your parents passed, and then sometime later he emailed you to apologize. It was a very intense, emotional bit, and you delivered it brilliantly, honestly. My questions is: Did you ever get to a place where you could forgive him on a personal level?

Yes, because actually, I never was harboring any real resentment towards him. I think I could be sensitive, but who wouldn't, if you received an email from someone you didn't know, telling you the choices you were making with your life were deplorable. I would challenge anybody to not feel roughed up by something like that.

But you have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.

I did write back to him several times, and we corresponded years later. It's kind of funny the way people (if you give them a little time to realize their own mistakes) can change, and you can actually form friendships and bonds with people you never thought you could based on earlier incidents.

But every once in a while, I still write him that he's an asshole, and he laughs.

Dane! Thanks for doing this AMA! Who is your favorite superhero?

I'm gonna go with... Batman. I always loved the idea that he was a vigilante - I know the movies make him out to be more "Bruce Wayne" than The Batman, but I always thought it was pretty badass, this guy being so angry about losing his parents that he donned that cape and mask and fucked everything up in front of him for justice.

Did you ever find Benson's? And was the gay roommate a true story?

Haha! I did finally go to Benson's as an adult.

It was a bit underwhelming.

I think I hyped it up for too many years waiting for my dad to take me, but we did finally go together when I was an adult.

I remember saying "Isn't this great dad, that we finally came here?" and he said "I need a drink."

Gay Roommate is mostly a true story. Sometimes in comedy, we have to fill in the gaps. But 90% of that is real.

Why has it been so long since your last special, Isolated Incident? Did you fall out of love with stand up and prefer acting?

No, I just knew that I needed to take a little break and work on some other things in my life after having a 10 year run doing standup and accomplishing so many unbelievable goals. I also really wanted to work on this material, and make sure that it was like my first material that came out and had a long period of time to structure it. So I truly feel this is me at my A-game.

If you were a pornstar, what would your porn name be?

Dane Cock.

Dane Cock?

That's it. Bingo.

When will we get a solo Waffler movie?

HAHAHA!

The Waffler film has been in development hell for the past couple years. What's really wild about that character is that when they asked me to play The Waffler, I came in with all of the stuff - the "truth syrup" and the "Whisk of Justice" but they actually wanted me to play the character as someone who waffles with ideas. Who knew that i was going to show up as a superhero built around breakfast materials?

Always wanted to get into comedy, any advice on starting out? What did you do?

My advice is: to try and stay really true to the things that make YOU laugh, as opposed to trying to create a character that you think is funny. Some comedians get into bad habits when they are trying to create something that is not them, and they are trying to write a voice that isn't their true voice. So even if you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and BE YOU.

Hey Dane! I've always been curious of the following: Does comedy affect your dating life? Are your girlfriends worried that you're going to tell a story about them onstage? Where do you draw the line there? Thanks for doing this AMA- huge fan!

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

I think all comics should make their girlfriends sign an indemnification agreement.

Favorite sandwich please?

Oooh.

Maybe it's classic east coast, but I love a Turkey Club sandwich on toasted white. With potato chips. And a lemonade!

I'm so hungry.

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I love doing Joe's podcast. Not a lot of people realize that when I broke through and got a lot of the attention based on building great websites and using social networking, the only other guy that was really doing it was Joe Rogan. He had an amazing website as well early on in his comedy career after finding success on television. Joe's an innovative guy, and he deserves the success that he's garnered. But we're both back, toiling away online. I guess we were the "early adopters" of this digital age in communication with fans. I would do his podcast anytime he asked.

What's the best thing a director can do for you on set?

Really just help you to understand the origin of your character. A great director has already thought out their character's pre-story growth. It's always, I find, interesting when you talk to a director about your character and they can tell you things that they experienced early on in their life. So the more information you get, the more diverse the character can be.

What are your thoughts on juicing fruits and vegetables?

Great thoughts. I drink a lot of juiced vegetables. And it's been a great way to stay healthy, especially when you are traveling a lot, and your first instinct is to swallow an entire batch of french fries and a chocolate shake, which basically now makes me want those things.

I may have to add that to my list of "crappy food to eat tonight while watching Troublemaker."

Fuck the juice tonight, I'm having a burger!

Hey Dane! what was the best way you've dealt with a heckler? ever lose your cool?

The best way I ever dealt with a heckler, oh man, there's a lot... one time I walked out into the crowd, and I bitch-slapped a heckler in the face. He just would not stop. He kept at me, and I finally said "I'm going to come out there and shut you up" and he said "DO IT!" and it was the PERFECT SLAP - the air pocked on my hand, and the sunken-in pocket on his cheek, it just connected and the whole room went "oooooh."

I bet he still feels it.

I can't remember what it was, but my SO and I saw a recording of a smaller show you did - not the really big showy ones, seemed like it was a comedy club. Whatever, it was smaller, I'm pretty sure. Maybe.

Anyways, to remain somewhat related - do you prefer smaller audiences or larger ones? Do you adopt different strategies in your comedy, tell different stories, or do you not really differentiate.

I've never really cared about the size of the crowd. I always wanted to perform at Madison Square Garden, I always wanted to sell out an arena someday, but I was having just as much fun performing in front of a couple hundred people. And to this day, I was just doing the Comedy Cellar in New York, and was so thrilled to just be in front of real, true comedy fans. So although I will still continue to play massive venues from time to time, you may also catch me performing in front of 30 people on a tuesday night in some rinky-dink club somewhere.

Do you think you will ever get married and settle down and have kids? I mean, even George Clooney got married.

Yes. I do.

I just haven't met the woman that can put up with my crap yet. You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.

Hey dane when I first saw your stand up it was around 2005. MySpace was big and you were considered a major player for them. Did you update your MySpace page back then yourself or did you have a team? Along with Russell peters I feel like you two used the Internet early on to its full potential. Was that part of your master plan?

No one's ever run my social networking except for myself.

And I think that when I first started using my website as a way to communicate with people, I thought it was just going to be like a glorified email list. I had no idea that I could really have a close, personal relationship with my fans. So that's when I started sharing links, putting up the Dane Cook jukebox (which was the first podcast, I was podcasting 10 years BEFORE podcasts), answering questions from people, taking calls - i got a second line on my house so people could call me at home, I would do rants - called VOICE OF DOOM - it was my proto-podcast, like pre-podcasting... And when I saw the numbers really growing, I did embrace it and realize that this was going to be my business, that I was going to create something that no one had ever seen before. And I was going to do it sitting in my underwear, alone in my office eating froot loops.

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That's a great question, and as a matter of fact, if you download a meme app, and you meme out some of your favorite lines from "Troublemaker" tonight on instagram, twitter or Facebook, and you tag me #DaneCook or #troublemaker, I'm going to pick random people out to invite backstage at upcoming shows.

Hey, if you said "screw it I'm joining a band," what kind of music would you play and what instrument would you play?

I did have a band. Early, early in my career. We lasted a couple of weeks, and I don't think we ever made it out of the garage. I've played guitar since I was in my early teens, and it's probably my hidden talent that I wish I could do more. But my first band name was called "Vivid Blur." We were wonderfully terrible.

And all our songs were 19 minutes long.

Are you more of an SNL fan, or Kids in the Hall?

I loved kids in the hall. HUGE huge fan of Kids in the Hall. But my heart is certainly with SNL. I used to love watching Eddie Murphy on there, he would crack me up, all his characters were so vivacious and hilarious. I always felt like he brought such a great edge to the show. That's one of my dreams, to work with Eddie someday. I've met him several times, but the coolest time was the night "Good Luck Chuck" came out, unbeknownst to me, Eddie showed up at the premiere to support me, and when the lights went down int he theater, he was sitting across the aisle from me, and I will never forget when the first funny scene hit, hearing that distinct Eddie Murphy laugh, laughing at me. I was so. thrilled.

Eddie's one of the best ever.

Yo Dane! What is your typical day like when you don't have any famous person shit to handle?

Usually Sunday is my "non-business" day. I like to entertain people, I always have an interesting mix of people up at my home. We play ping-pong, I barbecue, and I like to keep it really relaxed. Because i put so much work into my week. But I also like amusement parks. Whenever I'm traveling on the road, I like to go to whatever the local state fair, carnival or amusement park - I love rides.

Hey Dane! Thanks so much for doing this AMA! I know often times comedians are playing a character in their standup as much as actors are in shows / movies, but you do come off as a genuinely goofy and high charisma person. I noticed that in movies like “employee of the month” your character was essentially the same as your stand-up persona. However, in “Dan in Real Life” you definitely played a character with a lot more depth, and different personality traits. So with that in mind, here are a few questions.

1. How different would you say you are from your on stage persona?
   
2. Do you feel that your on-stage persona is an exaggerated version of yourself, or entirely a work of fiction?
3. Are you surprised that so many people labeled your on-stage persona, and therefore you, as a douche?

Hope you see this. Just wanted to let you know that you have made me laugh a lot over the years and I definitely appreciate that. Oh also, I just moved to Boston and I was wondering if you have any suggestions for good places to pee! It seems like everytime I’m day drinking in the commons I can’t find any place that has a toilet?

I would say that onstage, it's all just a heightened and more elaborate version of me. When you're standing onstage, your adrenaline is going, your enthusiasm is at full tilt, and the excitement helps elevate you're attitude. I've always wanted to be as close to myself offstage, being funny with my buddies, and that's what I've worked hard on - being authentic to who I really am.

I've heard thousands of opinions on mine and other people that I admire stand up comedy. And there's only one word that really matters, and that's funny. If you laugh and you think it's funny, it's a win.

There's usually an alleyway behind most of the downtown Dunkin Donuts. Or maybe there's an app, or someone could make one, called "Where to pee in Boston." Good luck!

What's your favorite food place?

My favorite food place is a restaurant in Maui called the Humu humu nuku nuku apua'a.

What's amazing is that it has the GREATEST main lobster.

Just surf & turf.

favorite kind of ice cream?

Hmmm.

Cake batter with oreos in it!

And if I'm gonna have it, I need a half-gallon all to myself. And wear a shitty t-shirt that I don't care that I'm about to drip half of it on it. I eat ice cream like a fiend. But I haven't had any in 3 months, and yes I am celebrating with some tonight.

What is your craziest encounter with a fan? Thanks for doing this AMA!

I had a really crazy stalker-fan some years back. This guy would come to the local comedy club, and would creep everybody out. So one day, I approached him after about a year, and told him that I would appreciate if he maybe laid off coming down to the club so much. He would leave very strange notes, they were always suggestive and dark, so he came back one more time, and he walked into the lobby of the comedy club with a bag, and he put the bag down, and said: "I'm never coming back, but I had to give you one last gift before I go."

He walked away.

And in the bag, he had built a model of the Universe - all the planets were on these metal rods, and they all went around, and in the middle of the universe, there was a photo of me. And the note said: "you will always be the center of my universe. I will be watching but from now on, from a distance."

It was very strange. It was definitely one of the creepiest things that's ever happened to me.

But that's how I learned about my planets.

One of the best comedians around! You are hilarious Dane, what inspired you to be a comedian?

I had a very funny family. My mom and dad were always joking, and encouraged us to use our imaginations, and they were also people that were very tenacious. "Never take no for an answer" kind of people. If you wanted something, you could have it, it was just a matter of showing everybody. But even when my parents got sick and succumbed to cancer, I think we laughed together more during that last year of their lives than our entire lives prior. They were genuinely entertaining people, and I know i am who I am because of who they were.

Whats at the top of your bucket list?

tshtshtssccch

I've always wanted to go on a safari.

Probably more than anything, that would be at the top of the list.

Will you ever wear jelly sandals again? They make them in adult sizes.

I think my years of my sisters holding me down, throwing makeup, wigs, and their clothing on me, are long-gone. Thankfully. No adult jellies for this guy.

Hey Dane, what's your go to place for a quick bite in Boston and what do you always go for? Love your stuff, man. A fellow Bostonian.

You always have to go to the Kowloon Restaurant if you want great chinese food. You have to get a Papa Gino's pizza at any of those locations. And stop in at one of the local Kelly's Roast Beef.

If you could sit and have drinks with any living person, who would it be?

That's a great question.

James Cameron. From TERMINATOR to THE ABYSS, AVATAR, this guy is so incredibly creative and I would love to work with him. I had the opportunity to work with somebody else- I would have answered that question a year ago with John Lassiter, but I got to work with him on PLANES, and the guy is so prolific, just so smart. You can learn a lot from someone like that.

Man, I'm always either late to AMAs or I don't have a question ready, so Dane umm what did you have for breakfast this morning?

I still haven't eaten! I woke up and came right into hanging out with you guys. So I'm pretty low blood sugar right now.

How often do people come up to you and tell you that they loved you in Pitch Perfect?

I would say I have more fan encounters now than at any other point in my career. I think that because there are more ways to watch comedy, and I have such a wealth of material floating around out there, that now people are watching me on Netflix or on the internet, reruns on Comedy Central or HBO, and it's a constant swirl of new fans finding this material. So the last few years it's been overwhelming, I can't go somewhere without having someone stop me and tell me how they discovered me. The cool thing is knowing after Troublemaker comes out, I'll have a whole new group of fans with material they are enjoying, brand-new and sharing those stories with me as well.

Opinion on eutopean comedians like dylan moran and ricky gervais ?

Funny! I mean, to me, even if I don't necessarily think someone's material is my cup of tea, I just have a great affinity for people that get onstage and do this for a living. So they've earned that success because a good chunk of the population put them there and thinks they're hilarious.

Is it one of your aspirations to host your own late night show?

I think that would be a really great job, but not something I would want to do at this point. I still love acting, and that takes up a lot of time. But I think when I get a little bit older, that would be something I would consider.

What kind of car does dane drive?

Lexus IS-F.

But mostly, I ride my Ducati sport classic 1000 around LA.

Like a month or two ago someone named Dane Cook called my work and put a Dakine surf leash on hold. Was that you?

No, not me!

Can you tell us a back story on a joke that we will be hearing from your new special Troublemaker tonight?

A lot of the texting material comes from a real experience I had dating a girl, who was pretty young. And spent most of her time on her phone, even when we were in, say, Hawaii, she would be constantly sending emojis describing what was around her... but I swear, she spent MORE time formulating those emoji stories than she did actually enjoying a beautiful beach somewhere. A lot of the material in this special came from how I feel about the digital age, and how we date and correspond.

I'll be interested to hear your opinion on if I nailed your relationship down and figured you out... And don't forget to change that password on your phone.

(you'll know what that means after you watch it)

Hey Dane! What's your favorite ride in Disney?

Space Mountain! Space mountain.

Who would you like to see win the World Series between the Giants and the Royals?

I think the Royals winning is good for baseball. I'm really happy for those guys.

How is Bob Kelly doing? Are you guys still friends?

Bob Kelly is awesome. I just saw him in NYC. I did his podcast called "You know what dude" which is hilarious, everybody should check it out. I've known Bobby for my entire career, and he's a great guy. Very funny.

Hey Dane, you're hilarious! I have a question: Which character would you play in Smash Bros.?

Oooooh.

I always love Mario. I would have to go with Mario. That's it. I grew up on Super Mario Bros, I played that game SO MUCH that i knew where every hidden block and coin was. I was obsessed with that.

You're middle name is Jeffrey? That's so cool. Also, that's my middle name. Isn't that awesome?

It is awesome. It probably makes us the most awesome. And I think based on JUST my middle name, we were destined for awesomeness together.

would you hope to be asked to do a superhero movie? if so, would you do it? what character would you hope for?

Hmmm.

I...wow. Well, I'm a huge Marvel and DC fan. I got to go over and hangout with those guys. Such a cool world. I suppose because I'm a comedian as well, there would have to be like a Riddler role... something where I could really play the comedy but also the dark side that people saw in Mr Brooks or the upcoming film, 400 Days...