I am a Russian dwarf (little person?) living in USA. I have been diagnosed with arthritis when I was 3 (am 30 now), have had numerous spinal compression fractures, and a throat cyst and have had a very hard life with many other disabilities. IAmA ...

Doesn't it suck to be 30? I am too

it does. biology is calling mah name!

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nothing actually. nothing meaningful, because most of the time I have too much stiffness and pain to survive. am trying out this partnered youtube thing - hoping it will turn into something - even a little income. I don't care if it's tiny, as long as it's constant

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thanks! so far it's only enough to buy BK once a month

You play video games, have you tried farming or whatever and selling the characters?

farming

not sure I am familiar. explain?

How many views are you getting a month? Because it seems you should be making considerably more than that if you're pulling 30-50,000 views a month unless your network is completely ripping you off.

I'm getting about 30-35 000 views a month and as a general rule I don't see networks really helping channels out that are under them. they mostly just make money off you and provide like emergency backup support, maybe free music if you're lucky. unfortunately I joined a very small very green network when I should've held out for something bigger like machinima or fullscreen or broadbandTV. maybe at least the pay would be better. but really networks don't help spread your videos... I mean who the hell reads their twitter anyway?

You could apply for a youtube partnership without a network. I agree, at this point networks generally are not needed unless they offer some supreme benefits for people with large channels. In any case, I do not know your contract but if you can get out from it, you will probably be making at least double what you are now.

yes - but I'm a little afraid of dealing with adsense directly. I know they ban most accounts even before their first payout and at the very first hint of what they think is impropriety

/u/crawlerz2468 Try medical marijuana since you are in the US. It can really alleviate some of your pains. And take it seriously, I'm not recommending you get stoned and forget you are in pain.

I fucking would - I don't think it's legal in PA yet though?

Kudos on your attitude, most wouldn't make it to acceptance and humor with your past, you're a hell of a man.

Do you have any basic advice for others who have become disabled, how to get through/accept it and learn how to go on with your life, whatever limits it may have?

hm... idk if I should be giving out advice. I'm having a hard time as it is. my parents are awful people, I live at home (unfortunately) and it's plain all around weakness, pain, and misery.

I do have a wonderful dog though. I love her to death (more than any human). my advice is get adopt a pet - they will love you forever. also find a hobby. I like to build model planes. it can be anything corny as long as it takes you away - like video games. who's wasting his life now, huh, dad?! ^stillme

How have you fared with the ladies?

I haven't. Hell I don't even get to see live people of exit the damn house unless I get help from the likes of my dad or something to transport me. Internet is my window to the world

Well, maybe you will find love on reddit. Maybe even in this AMA.

right?

I was gonna ask why don't you leave your house but then I realized I do the same shit.

graphics on my monitor are waaaaay better anyway

whats your favorite porn site? since you must be a connoisseur...

lol good one. nah I don't really have a porn site that's "favorite". I troll about every other day just searching googling. maybe the big list of porn of fuskator but I'm not a connoisseur

Wait... You're 30... That means you are a Wizard!

Unless of course, Dwarves can't be wizards.

I'm a level 4 grand master dwarf. that's better than a wizzard

This might be a bit touchy, but you said you're open to it all -- would you rather have a serious mental disability (such as schizophrenia) or have a physical disability?

good question. I probably would be very much afraid of a mental disorder (even a functioning one) - because fuck knows what kind of hell would that be. 1 thing scares me like no other in this world - life as a vegetable. I cannot do that. my family has very bad genes health-wise. my mother is arguably bipolar. he father was always sick with something. my other grandparents each have cancer and my grandmother has diabetes other weird shit. she's a fat stupid obnoxious cow. ^{I apologize to cows.} my dad has psoriasis (which is likely the cause of my fucked up existence)

30 and you've still got grandparents. Not that bad.

yeah they're old as you might expect and have cancer so... probably not for long

Why do Russians drink so much

seems right when we do it

Keeping in mind the accelerating social, political, cultural, and technological changes that are happening, where do you see humanity in 50 years?

Hopefully I'll be dead by then. That's the best improvement I can think of. No meaningful improvements will come within me lifetime

"I'm not touchy about the subject" how did you reach to this conclusion? neighborhood isn't nice though.

this came about because my overbearing mother has all my life tried to distance me (literally) whenever she talked about me - even becoming hostile sometimes. but where she became hostile every time a new doc or nurse asked about my condition or history, I suddenly realized that I really don't mind or get hurt talking about this - at least not to her imagined extent. as you can see I've lead a super sheltered life so the box I found myself in was built by her.

What would you say is the hardest part of having your condition?

the humiliation of having wait and have someone help you through anything and everything. to be 100% dependent on someone that if they just take off you're literally dead

Who are you usually dependent on?

well my dad if I need to get out of the house just sort of lifts me up (obviously not a picnic). my grandmother came to USA about 10 years ago and she been instrumental in my surviving the horrors of spinal fractures. she mainly started cooking homecooked food every day. w/o her idk where I'd get good food.

Favorite color?

blue. I've been told it goes with my eyes. ^{Ihavespecialeyes!}

Hey I'm posting this as a reply to your comment so you get a notification otherwise you won't see it, but you should try software development. Many companies allow you to work from home, you never have to show up at a physical location, you can start learning at any point in your life (you just have to be good at logic and math and stuff) and it pays really, REALLY good money.

I used to love math and took a couple of programming courses in high school as well as on my own... trouble is right now (I'm strongly thinking this is a side effect of all the meds I've been taking for 27 years) I have short term memory problems and sometimes basic math takes me a while. it's really pitiful. I mean I used to be good! I read the 11th grade geometry textbook in my spare time in the 7th grade (and this was a Russian textbook, not American namby-pamby shit with pictures and glossy paper)

Hey man. 21 year old living with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Ulcerative Colitis here. So many feels towards you. Having any form of degenerative arthritis is the worst. Hold on brother, much love <333

goddamn you man. yes - much kudos to you

do you play dota 2

do you main Tiny?

I've not played dota 2, although I've been told I should by others. I used to love piloting planes with good realism. IL-2 Forgotten Battles was fucking EPIC! it literally spoiled me for any other flight sim out there. DCS is good but goddamn hard

Hello! Now, I'm going to attempt to make this as non-cliche as possible. But really, you seem like quite the lovely person, and from what I can tell, you have some incredible self-strength that I seriously admire. It has been wonderful to read about someone like you. Thanks much!

Dude thanks for saying

Did you notice people treating you differently since GoT started airing?

I don't really see other human that often. I go months without leaving the house - it's really fucking difficult.

Do you watch Game of Thrones and if so is Tyrion Lannister your fictional hero? He's one of mine for sure.

Do you watch Game of Thrones

I do not. are they on netflix? if so, I'm there

Game of Thrones is nothing short of awesome, and Tyrion Lannister (the resident dwarf) is probably one of my favorite characters in it. I know a lot of people feel that way.

You really should check it out.

OK I will

The books are really good as well. Not sure if you read but if you do I would check them out.

aye. reading on me iPad is so much more convenient. except I hate iDevices.

I hope you have a long and happy life.

let's not say something we can't take back

Such a rough story, as ridiculous as it may sound hopefully things can start looking up for you in the future. Just watched one of your youtube videos and can honestly say that it was an pretty entertaining watch so I'll keep an eye out for future uploads. Hopefully the partnership will pay off for you at some point, buddy. =]

Hopefully the partnership will pay off for you at some point, buddy.

me too. I rushed into it - joined a loser network though.

How often are you offered what may be considered a demeaning job for your condition? Ex: Christmas Elf, Dwarf extra for a movie, etc.

I've always wondered this.

Also, what benefits do you find you have over others because of the condition?

I'm not offered any job because I don't leave the house LOL. too weak and stupid I suppose.

no benefits that I can see right now. it's just pain morning to night. maybe the fact that I don't work? although I gladly would if it meant I'd be healthy

What sort of things do you do to keep your mind off all that pain? I know myself having a relatively low pain threshold (I can't even wash my hands in slightly above luke warm water without twitching in pain) that I could not deal with that.

gaming takes me away temporarily. if it's just low level shiz. when I had spinal fractures - it was indescribable. they gave me morphine shots to use intramuscular-ly - they burned like fire and did NOTHING. fucking useless twats.

dog is also a huge help. something that loves you unconditionally that will stay with you and be petted.

Do you ever feel like the world is against you? How do you find meaning in life?

How do you find meaning in life?

I don't. it's an existence at best. this is no life. "life's a pitch. then you buy it." the great Billy Mays

world may very well be against me, but I don't give a shit. I'm not trying to please anyone. what sickens me if more often than not, my own parents are against me. that I did not expect growing up. turns out assholes are everywhere. even in your family.

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on PC?bad company 2, bf3, bf4, a tiny bit of racing. I honestly am on the fence with titanfall. yes the beta was fun but cmon $60 for a 6v6 game? with no destructability and sorta COD-like? (I'm a battlefield fanboy)

What has you experiences taught you? Expand if you want.

it has taught me that doctors can be morons, sometimes even dangerous, in any country. and most importantly of all family is not immune to being assholes. that one I didn't expect tbh, but they will kick you when you're down.

life's lesson: you cannot depend on anyone

As I sit here thinking of something...idk...profound or nice or sentimental to say towards your situation I think of another question;

Is there anything that you hate to hear people say to you, in regards to pleasantries?

Hm good question. I hate when people take one look at me and decide I'm 10. If they do, I like to fuck with them. Was in a movie theater for like over two hours once and at the end when everyone's leaving some dumb cow drops "oh look! The kiddie has endured to the end!" grrrrr

You seem very sweet. Thanks for doing this AMA.

Do you have any siblings? If so, are they of average height?

I have a brother and a sister nearly half my age. Yes they're normal, praise the flying spaghetti monster. He did have photosensitive epilepsy when he was a kid though and it came about also at 3 yo as did my problems. He outgrew his, I didn't. This is why I'm saying it's important to think on family history and get screened before having kids

What is your best piece of advice you could give someone, disabled or not, that you have derived from your experiences in life? It can be about anything, but something you believe your story has taught you in particular.

one thing that comes to mind - even before all this shit is think before you have children. do not just have kids because you "want kids". look at your family history, get screened for diseases. even with my messed up existence, my little brother had photosensitive epilepsy as a kid (started around the same time I became sick - also at 3) - so very obviously there's something wrong with my parents. they didn't think. I am very angry at that. they messed up their kids' lives forever (thankfully he outgrew his problems. I didn't).

also - adopt a dog. as my father said (he had stray cats and a couple dogs growing up) adopted pets will love you forever. and it's true.

don't give up. never give up. no matter what. live kicks you in the nuts? start swearing like a lumberjack who hacked off a limb and continue

i appreciate you being honest and brave enough to say this. for years I've watched my parents cope very differently to my (very younger) brother's various health problems. they never admit that they regret having him, but i know they do because of what he goes through. they had him by accident, btw, they thought they were too old to get pregnant. my father feels guilty and wallows in sorrow. my mom can't face her guilt and instead gets angry and resents not being able to enjoy retirement like her friends and siblings can at their age. they love him dearly but they cannot reconcile the issue of having a child who will knowingly suffer for years, maybe forever.

thank you for saying what you said ^ because it's very real and people don't have the balls to talk about it.

This is another god point you make. My brother is 14 years my junior and my sister is 16 years my junior. I don't care how fucking politically correct or feminist you are, having kids after 35 puts their lives and their health at risk. You are giving birth to a person that may be sick the rest of his life, because you are too stupid or stubborn and selfish to only "want a kid". This is not an excuse!

thats some good shit. just heard your commentary as well, and dude, there does not exist a better voice for youtube commentaries. flat out. inspired by your story. peace

thank you, random redditor.

Has assisted suicide ever been an option? What are your thoughts on the subject in any case?

it would be - if I ever saw people or talked to them.

hows the wifi?

Shitty and crappy especially with the sheer amount of vireless devices. Comcomunists throttled me horribly. Switched to FiOS and bought a 5GHz router so I could have an interfierence free line. Somewhat better but still not wired quality. Again I'm limited by my mobility. If I could stand up, I'd just wire it up

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because it was russian and used to wear an ushanka hat?

two questions:

1) Have you ever grown a full beard or thought about wearing silly hats? and,

2) Do you live in a normal sized house or is it "dwarf sized"?

legit questions all of them.

I never really though of growing a beard but maybe I should. I don't have silly hats

I live in an oversized 2 story house with my dreadful parents. although we try to exist on different planes.

Thank you for responding! It wasn't until after I posted that I saw the AMA had completed. If you do grow a beard, please make a post with it.

I still kinda answer questions... but yeah I guess it's been nearly a day - idk if there are time constrains here

Я хотел бы знать, говорите ли по-русский?

ещё бы! конечно - хотите поговорить, добавьте меня в steam - crawlerz246

What's the process for receiving disability like? Are you satisfied with the services available to you?

I get SSI (or rather my mother gets it and hides it from me) and I don't really get any services because again getting out of the house is a chore (and I need my dad to lift me in the car and drive me and obviously he has work. benefits of living out in the boondocks) but even if I did - what good would that do? my legs will never be straight again. so fuck it

Who were you rooting for in the Olympics...Russia or USA?

Russia definitely. not because I want USA to lose anything. because I feel like Russians need to believe in athletes again. they need to be proud of their achievements - after everything was fucked up in the 90s and all arenas and clubs became fucking markets.

Look into applying to your county's paratransit system. You should be getting SSI sent to your own bank account.

You should be getting SSI sent to your own bank account.

hindsight is 20/20. I never imagined in my wildest dreams I'd get fucked by my own mother.

Here's my honest, ask anything question:

Given your pain/disability, do you at least get the good drugs? I know trees have already been mentioned, but I'm talking opiods.

oh christ this is a constant fucking uphill battle! insurance companies constantly try to deny me (and it's not like 'm a pill popping addict. don't even have painkillers now). but things like prilosec I need in brand form or my stomach starts hurting like a motherfucker. I constantly have to prove this shit!

Sorry to hear that man. I'm surprised that brand name is different from generic, though. I always thought they were identical.

it's fucking nightmare. having to prove every few months that I need this shit in a flurry of phone calls and emails and... facepalm

Have you ever had sex?

technically no. mean whom with?

what do you mean by "technically no"?

"technically no"

are you offended by the term "midget"?

I really don't know - I'm not that touchy talking about it, it's just that the term is mighty stupid

Oh, I have questions.

Does being a dwarf qua renter health problems?

How so people treat you? What is the worst, and what is the best?

What is getting a job like?

I imagine most men prefer a shorter woman, is this the case for you as well?

And the most personal of all, does the body size effect the penis? The most curious rumor I ever heard was that the more compact a guy looked (short but thick muscles and all) the thicker and longer the junk. What would you say?

I wanna hear it all, so please feel free to go on about anything you wanna say. I'd treat you to coffee if you live in az

let's see. no one really officially ever told me that I was a dwarf actually - I kinda gathered that one. with all my other health problems I was sorta always too sick or too young to notice it though. as far as job/women/people treating me some way - I really don't have experience because I don't get out of the house much, and if I do it's because my father lugs me to and from the car/wheelchair like a sack of shit.

and the piece de resistance. my dick is normal size for my body I suppose - I mean it's just as scaled down as the rest of it. would be weird if I was a trypod. here is is http://imgur.com/z2P4p94 [NSFW] OBVIOUSLY. sorry no banana for scale but according to a ruler it's about 3.75"

I couldn't look! I'd only take someone's word for it, if I had to ask in the first place. I'm one of the few people who's "modesty" applies online or anonymous, as well s it would in person.

Are you a game of thrones fan? Read the books? Enjoy creepy pasta? Ever seen the "don't hug me when I'm scared" videos? The most recent really fucked with my head.

From what I see, I think we have similar taste in humor, although yours may be a bit darker. Tell me if I am wrong, but I would place you at enjoying almost all humor, but favoring dry and parodies when done right.

And did you read about this law they are trying to pass in az? Sb1072. I'd rather the state claim we are gods chosen people, and must have our butts wiped by Mexicans. So embarrassing. If it passes, I'll start a church I know liberals will join.

Sb1072

no I have not. explain?

I did not see GoT yet (I know I'm way behind the times). believe it or not I don't have too much free time on my hands, and when I do I try to watch good series (right now binge watching House of Cards season 2, before was watching Breaking Bad like a maniac).

believe it or not, I am a paranoid person when it comes to privacy (or at least used to be before this photo?). that and growing up basically without leaving my apartment or house in like ever - it screwed my world understanding a bit.

I can see the paranoid, I was that way and would randomly gamble.

What do you do? I'd imagine you'd have some kind of work at home job, even if on and off.

And I think I meant an 1062. Basically, it allows people to refuse service (maybe more?) based on religious beliefs. If I owned a restaurant, I could refuse service to anyone. Tell them I will not hire them, because the got a divorce. Enforce a women in ankle length skirts dress code. And it just opens doors for ignorant asshole who hate because their family line did, or want to blame normal economic fluctuations on a Mexican with a shovel. I worked an at home office for a bit while babysitting (I wasn't filling even one of that woman's shoes) and handed these "cartel drug mules" their pay. Not one didn't look light they were waiting for INS to pop out, because I was a new face. They kept glancing around. They know they are surrounded by people who hate them and can get rid of them. Now the steps are started for other groups unfavorable to white Christian males. An inch is a mile to the extreme conservatives. This is the same state a senator was shot for being liberal. Literally just being democrat in az.

WTF?! that's complete horseshit. how can people be this dumb? even considering this BS.

as far as work - I don't have any. right now I'm mildly successful on my youtube channel and got partnered a little over a year ago - so I'm hoping it can turn into a tiny income - even if just enough to but a PC game here and there.

Have you thought about twitch as well? Some people make a great living. I think the secret is just always be available or constantly uploading.

I looked into Twitch. but they don't allow monetization unless you got 100K subs I believe and it's pointless spending that much resources for free (I tried livestreaming thru youtube - it was horribly laggy. nonplayable)

My email is [email protected], if you wanna keep in touch.

ok. do you have steam? I'm there all the time and chatting's easier cuz I don't use MS msg or skype

add me crawlerz246

You know I have met many Russian / Slavic people in life. I have the impression that they tend to be sort of negative. Is that your impression as well?

negative how? pessimistic? maybe. it wasn't an easy life back home, the little that remember so some people may have that baggage still

Have you ever had sex with your mom?

lolololol. no but ty for asking