Hey Reddit, my girlfriend just gave birth to a baby boy without knowing she was pregnant - AMA!
It was just such a minimal weight gain that you wouldn't have put it down to a pregnancy, also the fact that there was no morning sickness, still normal periods as well as no hormone issues we just never thought that she may be pregnant, let alone about to give birth.
Okay, I have to reiterate here... how did you not notice? I've had sex with a woman who was five months along and there could be no doubt whatsoever as to what was going on down there. It doesn't look at all like normal body weight. The baby didn't kick or anything?
There are soooo many things that indicate pregnancy it's difficult to fathom how you two somehow managed to dodge all of them. No kicking, she had regular periods, nobody noticed a giant lump in her abdomen...
Forgive me for asking what may seem like a stupid question, but are you sure it's hers!?
People put on weight differently, and pregnancy affects ALL women differently. My mom, who just had a baby at 46, didn't show at all for the first 5 or 6 months and then just gained a small belly in the last 3 months.
And as someone who's weight and breast size fluctuates cyclically, I think it's easy for someone to mistake pregnancy for a difficult menstrual period. Almost all the symptoms associated with pregnancy are also common with periods.
Exactly this, anything that seemed abnormal we could easily put down to her period/contraception which is why we didn't think anything was strange. Especially the fact that she has been using the same contraception for 4 years with no issues.
Hahaha that last bit made us both laugh, she says she has the scars to prove it :P
I guess it's just because everyones body reacts differently to pregnancy, the doctors said the baby was placed quite far back inside her, which is why we never felt any kicking (when she went in to hospital the doctors were pressing on her stomach and didn't even realise she was pregnant). Her periods were erratic, but that's just due to her contraception, and there wasn't really a giant lump, there was a small weight gain all over but that was it really.
When wearing the bar, I think women's periods happen a lot less often anyway.. still crazy to think she could carry a child inside her for nine months without noticing though! Are you ready for this??
If you asked me that question 4 days ago I'd say not a hope in hell. But now, I know we're going to be just fine. It's crazy how much two people can grow up in the space of a day when you don't have a choice.
As a female, this is my worst nightmare because... well, was she drinking? And does the baby have FAS?
She isn't much of a drinker but did probably around once a month, the baby is completely healthy, he was kept under observation for 72 hours at the hospital because they knew nothing about him, no ultrasound scans etc, they ran quite a few tests to make sure everything was A-OK which it was and we were then discharged.
I would love to hear from you a year from now. Because honestly (and I hate to be a Debbie Downer) all this talk about "It's made us so much stronger together" and "I'm going to support and raise the child" sound great THREE DAYS AFTER BIRTH of an unexpected baby. Chances are, when the reality of the situation sets in, the "newness" of the relationship wears off, and you start coming to grips with the fact that you are giving up your life for a chick you just met, who had another man's baby... something tells me you won't be around. And that's NOT AT ALL a diss on you. You don't seem to know any better.
The only fault you have in this situation, is being naïve enough to think two months into a relationship, that you have any idea whatsoever whether or not this girl is worth giving up your future for. Trust me on this one: EVERY RELATIONSHIP STARTS OUT AMAZING... give it time before you start proclaiming your dedication to this relationship.
Thank you for the comment. I agree completely with everything you've said. This is why I am still planning to go back to the UK and finish my degree.
It's impossible to tell what will happen then, in an ideal world we will keep in touch/meet up when we can and the see how things go in three years time. But regardless of what happens down the line, we are both enjoying ourselves now and I'm more then happy to help out with raising a child whilst I'm hear!
Wait, in three years time? Have you only just started your degree?
I started my first year but then stopped to set up my own company, after which I then decided to travel with the aim of going back to finish my degree once I felt that I was ready to study again.
Your a gentleman and a good human being..a child is a gift and your acceptance makes you a cut above the rest. Best of luck to you and your new family!
Thank you so much for the kind words. Best of luck to you too!
Do you believe you're going to be happy with this woman?
Yes, it's going to be an interesting journey though as I still wish to go back to the UK and finish my degree, but whatever happens we will make it work!
Congrats! As a female, this question immediately pops into my head... Did your girlfriend experience any weight gain? If so, was it sudden or over the entire course of the pregnancy?
Thank you! Her weight gain was very minimal and it occurred slowly over the pregnancy, her boobs kept fluctuating in size throughout the pregnancy but that is common for the contraception she is on. Here is a picture of her at 8 months, it's pretty hard to tell.
EDIT: I'm an idiot, here you go! http://imgur.com/AR2Sfaz
Where's the pic?
Judging from the evidence supplied, I have to agree it is pretty hard to tell!
I dunno though:
It's a black dress.
Tight around the boobs, but really loose around the bump.
She is facing straight ahead, and the picture is angled down.
I'm not saying she was trying to hide it, but if I wanted to create a picture that hid it best, I couldn't do better than that.
I'll try my best to find another one for you! Let me dig around a bit! Surely OP will deliver... edit: I am still looking! Just trying to find one that is a clear shot of her that shows her at least 7months +!
Just updated it, sorry!
It's a possibility, but I don't feel thats the case, if she did kudos to her, she did it pretty well!
I like to see myself as a bit of a bullshit detector, and I'm usually the one who plays the women - I'm fairly certain I'd know if it's happening to me!
And thank you, we think he's adorable!
Make yourself at home!
What's the deal with the baby daddy, telling or not?
He's currently on holiday so we've not been able to tell him, we will be telling him when he gets back, from there it's up to him how much he want's to be involved, neither of us are expecting much but we may be surprised!
Life is certainly filled with the surprises. The baby proves that :)
Oh I understand about not realising because of the size, no morning sickness, periods, etc... But did the baby never kick? I thought they all did that.
It sure is!
We were told that the baby was placed quite far back in the womb, hence the lack of kicking/baby bump. Although in saying that the first day or two the baby was relatively still and didn't fidget much. However the past two days he's flailing like no tomorrow!
Thanks for answering my questions. All the best!
No problem! You too!
Props for not ruining his vacation at least. lol.
Yeah, we could probably get hold of him if we really wanted to via a friend etc, but there isn't much he can do about it, so it's best to tell him when he's back!
There is a show on tlc about this and this happens more than you would think guys! I wish you the best of luck :)
Haha awesome, what is it called? The doctors said there was one other pregnancy like this in the hospital during the whole of 2013!
Yup its a crazy show but I guess it could validate your situation. Heres a link
Haha thanks a lot, we may watch one later and laugh about it!
Well congrats! Are you worried that baby or mom will have complications later on from lack of pre-natal care or any drinking/smoking during pregnancy?
Thanks! No Neither of us are worried, we've been given the all clear from multiple doctors, we have a few more things to go and do in the hospital tomorrow, but these are just general vaccines for new born babies etc.
What was the reaction from your friends and family ? Any names for the kid yet ?
My family didn't believe me, they thought I was winding them up from the other side of the world, however I've now shown them on skype and they are over the moon, even though I'm not the father.
Yes I actually decided on the name! - He's called Harvey!
I hope your last name is Specter.
Suits took no influence in the naming of Harvey at all... (it totally did!)
How do you think this will affect your relationship? I mean, now that there is a kid in the equation, that is likely to change things quite a bit. I'd imagine that puts you in a difficult place, since you've only been together less than 6 months. Are you going to help support the kid? Does she know who the father is, and, if so, has she contacted him or planning to?
This is a little more crude, so feel free to skip it if you prefer, but did you guys have sex? Usually pregnant girls' nipples go through a change. I guess in preparation of breast feeding? Any comment on that?
EDIT: Just noticed her baby is the same weight I was - 7lb 11oz. I remember because 7/11 (convenient store in the US).
As for the relationship it's definitely made us stronger, although saying that we've been pretty great with each other as well up until then. I'm doing everything I can to help support the baby, I've not got much money but what I do have is going towards him, we're just so lucky that we've got supportive friends and family as well. Yes she knows who the father is, he is on holiday at the moment and we've not been able to get hold of him, he is back in a couple of weeks so he will be told asap. Neither of us are expecting much to come from his side in terms of involvement, but obviously we need to let him know.
I was expecting this to come up! Yes we had sex a lot, but nothing seemed any different to me compared to previous relationships. She did have sensitive nipples so it would usually consist of teasing them and then leaving them be - "The nipples aren't the important part" that's her words not mine, needless to say, my job has just gotten much easier!
Well, good luck, man. I hope everything works out for you.
Thanks man, it means a lot! I'm sure it will.
First, grats on the baby. 2nd, what was your reaction when you first learned that she was pregnant? And how could you miss the signs?
Congrats? Its not even his kid.... RUN DUDE
They've only been together ~3 months, and people are congratulating him like it's his. She might well have known and just not told him. He needs to get the hell out of there, 3 months is nothing.
A fair point, however there is no need for her to trick someone in to a relationship with a baby. She just told me that she expected me to run away when she told me/understood if I wanted to.
I don't bring anything to the table that is worth tricking someone in to a relationship for, she's got the supportive friends/family, a good job and a stable life, I'm just some lonely backpacker traveling Australia!
I'm not saying she was trying to snag you as a father figure, but she might just have not known how to tell you yet. You have barely begun seeing each other, maybe she was waiting for it to get serious before she told you.
Either way, you need to seriously evaluate this situation before you commit to anything. You are young, you're in another country, you've only just met this girl, and you have to go home soon. Are you really going to be a long distance father, to someone else's kid, because of a short fling?
This kid already has a dad, and he's going to get home soon. This should be their crazy story.
At least don't sign anything that'll put you on the hook for support payments.
That could be possible however I don't believe that is the case, she has a family who would have helped her regardless.
Well my plan is to stay here till May anyway, so I'm going to be as helpful as I can until I have to go, then I guess we will just see how things go, she's a dual citizen for the UK and does plan to move over eventually.
Yeah that's a crazy story that I don't think anyone can quite predict how it's going to go..
Don't worry I'm not going to, I don't think anyone could get much money out of me anyway, my pockets are pretty empty!
Sure they're empty now, but let's hope they don't stay that way for the next 18 years!
If I was in your situation I'd help her all I could too, as a friend. I'd take a step back from the relationship and let her and her family deal with her new baby. And you, you deal with the rest of your year in Oz. If she does decide to come to the UK later, you can rekindle the relationship then if it feels right.
Anyway, that's just my advice, my girlfriends have never unexpectedly given birth before, so I don't know.
Agreed, lets hope you're right there!
That's actually pretty good advice, but at the end of the day we both love each other, even though we've not been together that long, I mean if it all crashes and burns X months down the line, at least we tried hey?
It's a really hard situation to be in, I'm pretty sure I'd be giving someone else the exact advice you've just given me had this not just happened to myself, but it's not your everyday situation. It was a case of waking up one morning and bam baby.
Don't ever take relationship advice from these chumps. Do what you believe is right.
Thanks man! Some people here are giving good advice as well though!
In all honesty if you asked me what would I have done in this situation before it happened, I'm fairly certain I would have. But I'm definitely glad I've stayed!
Well I didn't go with her on the night/morning that she went to the hospital, she went with her mum as it was period issues so I thought it's best if I stay. I got a phone call early in the morning from my girlfriend telling me she had some strange news. This is when she told me she had a baby. Now it's early in the morning and I'm not much of a morning person, so I though that she meant she was pregnant - which at first shocked me. We continued to chat for a little bit when she said "Childbirth wasn't all that bad", at which point I was like whatttt. So yeah it was really mixed emotions, I can't quite remember what I said, but something along the lines of it's okay I'm there for you etc.
As for missing the signs, we simply couldn't tell, one of her friends is a midwife who we saw on a weekly basis, even she couldn't tell. Here is a picture of her 8 months pregnant. http://imgur.com/AR2Sfaz
Everyone is saying things like how could you not noticed.. well based off that picture she looks like any other HB and could have fooled me.
Best wishes to her, are you going to man up and be the father figure for this child? At least in the foreseeable future?
Thank you, it's quite funny actually as a friend of a friend had this happen to her, and no less than three weeks ago we jokingly said "How can you be pregnant and not even notice", that's karma for you hey!
Well my Visa expires in August and I had planned to go back to university in September, I think that is still the route I'm going to go but as long as I'm here I'm playing the role of Dad. I would love to stay, I'm fairly sure that I'm going to come back out after my degree is finished and see what happens from there.
We are currently trying to get hold of him, he's in Thailand at the moment. Neither of us are expecting much from him but obviously if he wishes to be involved then he is welcome to!
I'm just excited, (she just said and supportive). Just because he's not mine doesn't mean I'm treating him any different to how I'd treat my own child, it does help that he has massive baby balls though so I'll try and take the credit for those some how!
Hi, I was wondering was your girlfriend still drinking/smoking (if she ever did?)/eating seafood/soft cheese? I know these things are all really frowned upon during pregnancy.
On the rare occasion, around once a month for the drinking/smoking. As for the seafood, she's allergic to most seafood. And I refuse to kiss her after eating soft cheese so there wasn't much if any of that!
Thats good, if it happened to me I would feel really guilty if I had been endangering the baby unknowingly. Have you created a nursery? Was your gf nesting at all towards the end?
Yeah we were really quite worried about that, he's been on roller coasters with us when she was 8 months pregnant so that's pretty worrying too. Yes we've got a nursery but at the moment he's in the same room as us. She didn't actually, we both said around 10 days ago that neither of us wan't kids until our thirties, boy were we in for a surprise!
That is one SUPER cute baby! Congrats!
Thank you! I think he will be a ladies man when he grows up! Or a mans man, which ever floats his boat!
What was your first thought when you found out?
At first when I was told, I thought she said she was pregnant, that scared me a bit and I was kind of unsure of what to do/say but I said I was going to support her regardless. Then she said "childbirth wasn't all that bad" at which point I think that I exclaimed "What the fuck, you've had a baby".
I then wen't to visit her at the hospital and fell in love with the little guy and everything seemed simple. Cliche I know, but that's the truth.
Hey. I've removed this AMA since it breaks our rules. Please try /r/casualiama.
Mind if I ask which rules this is breaking?
We don't allow AMAs about relationships. Neither do we allow AMAs without proof.
It's not really about a relationship, to me it's a life changing event, what proof do you want, you name it I'll get it.
How did she not realize she was pregnant? Forget about weight gain, didn't she notice that she wasn't getting her period for 9 straight months?
She did get her period though, if she didn't alarm bells would have been ringing ages ago. She was on a type of contraception that messes with your periods, so they become erratic, however she still had them.
Did you witnesses her having her period or see physical evidence of it happening?
Not besides the lack of sex on those occasions, but then again I think I may have found it more alarming if she came up to me and showed me the remains of her period!
As someone who hasn't had sex in at least six months, is on the same birth control, and period just suddenly stopped. This scares the ever living shit out of me.
Haha I'm sure you're fine, but the majority of her friends all went and took pregnancy tests just to be safe, if you have any doubts I recommend you do the same! No harm in taking one!
When did you start dating, early October?
Yeah that sounds about right, early October maybe late September.
From a women who has been pregnant, usually the baby moves and kicks and it's a big warning sign if they do not, did she not experience any of that? Also did her sleep change at all? When I was pregnant I didn't sleep for the last few months. Looking back is there anything that stands out now as a sign of pregnancy?
The doctors said that the baby was so far back that she may not have felt any kicking. As for the sleep, she sleeps like a baby, no pun intended. The week leading up until her pregnancy there was a bit of morning sickness, I was actually going to take her to the doctors the day she gave birth to see what was wrong with her as we thought it was some sort of flu.
Wow that's just crazy to me. I remember being able to see the whole baby move and each kick. Well congrats, enjoy it, baby's are a beautiful gift.
Wow I bet that was an experience in it's self! The definitely are, even when you're cleaning the smeared poop of their butts! Thank you!
Hahaha that made me laugh!
I know the hivemind will not agree with this, but leave. First off, she is having someone else's child, and you are now supporting them both. And secondly, there is NO way she didn't know she was pregnant. Red flags everywhere in your current situation.
In a way I'm the one receiving the support. I've been given a place to stay with her family, food, drink and access to their cars - I was given all of this before she even gave birth.
I've not got much to give back in terms of support except for my time, which I'm more then happy to give, as I mean any decent person would help support a new mum when they're weren't expecting a child?
There is no way she didn't know about her pregnancy. She's trying to lock you down mate. It happens all the time. Good on you for supporting a child, just don't get burned. Good luck.
I'm sure it does, in fact I'm well aware that it does, I just don't think that's one of those situations. I could jump on a plane and leave tomorrow if I wanted, however I'm pretty happy where I am right now! Still, thank you!
Here is a picture of him less than 6 hours old, he still has bits of afterbirth in his hair!
I mean how did you not notice?
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