I am Tommy Swerdlow, writer of Cool Runnings, Little Giants and Shrek… I wrote them all strung out on heroin, AMA!

How 'bout I draw a line down yuh face so it looks like a butt?!

one of the best jokes i ever wrote… very proud of that childish idiocy

Well, 9 year old me thought it was comedy gold. Job well done.

it was great…did not mean to insult..could not be prouder of line or movie..thanks for the 9 year old love

thanks for the 9 year old love

That probably got the FBI's Internet pedophile detector to emit a couple of beeps

im scandalous if nothing else

I see pride...

I see power....

I see a badass mother who won't take no crap off of nobody!

I once got benched for two innings at a softball game because I led our team in a chant of this in our pre-game huddle. Apparently a group of 15 year old girls screaming the word 'badass' is not considered ladylike. I don't regret it! So, thank you for that!

thank you for picking up on my favorite scene

It only hurt me in I was not able to take full advantage of my success and make my own movies etc…Now I am clean and directing my first movie…go to the link and take a look… Heroin is not a creativity drug..but it makes you not give a shit which can be helpful

COOL RUNNINGS … That was the one I really wrote…The others were more miss mashed with other writers…shreck I was the first writer and never wrote a line…Just story outlines..

Cool Runnings was one the few movies my elementary library had and I went to same school from 1992-1998, 2nd to 8th grade, so I have seen that movie more times than I could count. Some of the comedy in that movie is just pure gold and I always liked the bar fight never thought someone would write that movie script strung out on heroin.

it made no difference… it was like using oxygen it didn't get me high..just let me function..glad you love the movie though

I saw Little Giants in a movie theater when it was released and to let you know everyone in the theater was laughing really hard at the comedy parts I used to own Shrek on VHS that was a great one too.

glad to hear it….

Married with Children was one of my favorite shows when I was a kid so I just had to see Little Giants.

I used to read poetry with katy Segal…know her much better than ed o neil

Does heroin increase your spelling and grammar or did you submit Cool Runnings in the same mess you're using now?

i am a proud dyslexic freak of a self expresser…look bro i got a pension from the writers guild and i am rushing…but yes grammar is an issue..i ask for compassion

"Sanka, yuh dead?"

only line in movie i did not write

Proof isn't good enough. No offense, but it's the internet.

I like you want proof, it means I must have done something worth doing if I would lie about it

http://i.imgur.com/AWSeZam.jpg

You look pretty damn healthy for a former heroin user.

Or are you like 19 or something?

i have very nice jewish skin, what can i tell ya

I hope you will all go check out my link to the film I am making…I am doing it totally outside the system so i can say what i want how i want with who i want… If you got some pleasure from the movies i made click on my link and give us some support… We're up to something good…And it always startles me how powerful images and films and thoughts are and especially in our formative years… It's something

Good job getting off the junk! Looking forward to your new film, it looks really great! I hope you can be an inspiration to others.

Best thing I have had shot my way…Much respect as the bobsled boys would say

Which one was the most fun to write (while on heroin I guess)?

cool runnings is my favorite.

Dear Tommy,

What does "hot to trot" have to do with sitting down to pee?

Sincerely, My Childhood

remind me what you mean?

One of the insults directed at Becky in "The Little Giants" is, "She's hot to trot, but she's still gotta squat."

The episode of Happy Days where Richie falls for a divorcée taught me that "hot to trot" means "DTF." I never understood the nature of the insult. Was he calling her a slut? Is she a slave to her biological urges because she's a woman? Did he not know the meaning and think "hot to trot" just means "wants to run [with the boys]?"

I know I'm over-thinking it, but this particular insult has been an earworm my entire life.

i suggest a career in cultural criticism/gender politics. i will gladly partake in your AMA.

Why did you decide to get clean?

i didn't decide… it was that or go down for the count

Would you describe those circumstances?

i got very very ill and had a heart valve replacement and that put an end to my drug career.

Did heroin help you feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme?....(seriously, glad you're off it)

totally… no i am a poet first as you know there a re a lot of rhymes in that movie… i thought that flick was so so at best and am amazed by how people love it and i have come to see how good it was…one of the first thins I ever wrote

Its a movie that I must watch till the end if it is on TV.

Glad to hear it

How long gave you been sober?

since 2007… was a long haul..bad ending… real bad but i am back and here to tell the tale

Congrats. Glad to see you're using your marbles

Me too

What's the best line you contributed to Little Giants?

the annexation of puerto rico

which films, if any, do you consider accurate portrayals of heroin addiction? (other than the one you're about to make of course)

None I have seen… Maybe panic in Needle park…Drug addiction is a lot of waiting… trainspotting is fun , but not real… Drugstore cowboy has some of it..the feeling..but the job of it..the career of it…thats the truth of it

I don't know man. Trainspotting is pretty fucking accurate. I've lived it.

trainspotting is a heightened notion of the highlights of drug addiction. and a great, enjoyable ride of a movie. but heroin addiction in its essence is about waiting. waiting to get well, waiting to get sick, waiting to get away from yourself.

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Permanent Midnight is probably closer to Mr. Swerdlow's situation. It's based on the life of the writer for Alf who was strung out on heroin for much of his career.

he's a good friend of mine. he's going to be in the movie http://igg.me/at/HouseItself/x/3765153 if everyone on reddit will give me $10 we'll get somewhere.

my drug movie does not have a drug in it…its about drug addiction as a metaphor for longing and mis placed love

I'd just like to let you know that Cool Runnings was one of the few surviving VHS tapes in my house during my high school years.

There was a TV in my basement that had nothing but a VHS player, no cable, no antenna.

I put on Cool Runnings every time I needed somewhere to go with a girl without my parents knowing for all of middle school/high school.

Thank you kind sir.

i originally had sanka having sex with scandinavian ski bunnies until they made me take it out. you must have been channeling it subconsciously.

The sad part is... I know exactly where that scene would fit. Sanka line dancing was funny enough. I'm going to check out your new movie.

nice. i like it.

Woohoo! Do you know that "Cool Runnings" are really famous and popular in Japan even today?

can you send them my link and make them give me money? i need yen. www.igg.me/at/houseitself

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Mel Brroks is the self described greatest jew whoever lived.. and he loves the movie i am gonna make so check it out

I see power! I see pride!

I love Cool Runnings. My friends dressed up as the Jamaican bobsled team one year for halloween, and didn't tell me, and I almost murdered them for not cutting me in.

i just mentioned that pride-power as my favorite scene. a lot of people have dressed up as the jamaican bobsled team for halloween. maybe you'll get another shot.

Little Giants...how was rick moranis to work with?

Rick is great… I met him not he movie the would life I acted in and he is my brother's golf partner for whatever that is worth

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i meant to say "i met him. not that movie, 'the wild life' which is a movie i acted in." i'm dyslexic. cut me some slack. i'm a sloppy typer. i was in a rush. and now my girlfriend is doing my typing for me.

Did your producers know you were on heroin at the time? What did they think of it if they did?

they did not know. they would not have thought well of it.

Just wanted to say Cool Runnings was one of my favorite movies growing up. As a little kid my hockey team reworked the "feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme" quote to make it our team cheer before games. We also quoted it endlessly for years and watched it at every away tournament. You're a genius in my mind. Thanks for giving me a bunch of memories!

that makes me feel real good. now help me out and check this link out: www.igg.me/at/houseitself

I learned what a hooker is from watching Cool Runnings! Not really a question, but thanks for that. Did you ever party with John Candy?

i had an evening with john candy that transcends the word "party". he was a beautiful, sweet and painfully insecure comic genius.

How much do you think Mike Myers voice helped Shrek?

chris farley was in the process of recording the shrek voice when he died. mike meyers replaced him. recorded it without the scottish accent and was appalled when he realized eddie murphy was blowing him off the screen. he went back and rerecorded the entire roll with the accent due to this.

Cool Runnings is one of my favorite sports movies! Let me just say thank you for that, and I'm glad to hear you were able to survive heroine. Who's the coolest actor or celebrity you've ever been around? Was there someone you wanted to meet in particular?

the coolest person (half-celebrity) i've ever been around is bobby neuwirth who was bob dylan's best friend during the '60s and also was hired to keep jim morrison from drinking too much. actor wise, john candy was very interesting. and don cheadle may be the most naturally talented person i know.

Screenwriter strung out on heroin in the '80s, eh? Ever hang out with Jerry Stahl?

I also see from your IMDB page that you were Bodie in Real Genius, as well as acting in Howard the Duck and Space Balls. I don't really have a question there, just noting that I think that's awesome.

jerry thinks the short movie that the movie i'm making is based on is the best drug movie he's ever seen in his life. www.igg.me/at/houseitself and thank you.

Mel Brooks and Rick Moranis. You've worked with 3/5 of Spaceballs!

and my brother produced it so i'm up to 80%

I love the subliminal adult humor in Shrek, did you do that on purpose or unknowingly and just noticed it later? And how did your use of heroin influence your writing? Thanks.

i had nothing to do with that on Shrek..I was the first writer and only helped make it a buddy movie…but the guys who did write that stuff did a great job

Did you write the "Jamaica, we have a bobsled team" song?

Cool Runnings and Little Giants were both huge parts of my childhood. Thank you for all of the laughs and memories!

yul brenner wrote that..malik yoga…and a damn fine job he did.. but i wrote the rest… except for you dead and the lucky egg which were form the first script

First off let me thank you for making one of my favorite movies to watch growing up with Little Giants. My question is how did you find all of this material for kids movies while strung out on Heroin? Also, How long have you been clean? (if you are, of course)

I rewrote these movies…i did not come up with the ideas...

Coooolll runnin's mon!!

peace be the journey.

Will the US ever annex Puerto Rico? What happened to Devon Sawa's career?

i don't know. we wanted jonathan taylor thomas who acted the part much better but spielberg wanted that kid.

What is your inspiration with the movie Shrek?

it's a book that i was hired to turn into a movie. the movie i based the relationship on between the donkey and shrek is midnight cowboy.

Dude... I used to JAM out to the original Shrek soundtrack...

it's real good

What are you shooting your film on?

a red epic

what are the worst three things you did for heroin?

You don't want to know but the 11 o'clock new was involved…the worst thing i did was spend a million and a half bucks i could really use now

i hope everyone will go the link for the movie i am shooting in september..its funny sad and means business like cool runnings

How did you manage to spend that much money?

drugs are expensive.

and you call yourself a writer...

you're write… I'm more a messy typer

cool. i hope you find your way back to heroin for the english language's sake because whatever this is isn't anything anyone ever could mistakenly believe to be "good".

thanks for the support… you clearly are a frustrated something

clearly you've mistaken my indifference for support.

that was sarcasm chief...

who was the most famous person you shot up with

myself

well thats a disappointment.

tell me about it...

Is Doug E. Doug as awesome as he seems?

Sweet kid he is

Up and coming writer, here, trying my best to keep plugging away on those 10,000 hours (working 65 hours a week).

Here's my question, looking for an assistant? I would be more than happy to send you a sample of my work and a Résumé!

Thanks!

dear bongo, no. keep at it, man. even 3,000 will get you somewhere.

Theyr'e all fantastic films Do you think the heroine had an impact on your writing? Also what film are you directing

I am directing a chase movie about three guys who cannot get their shit together… I'm glad you like the movies.. in this case the heroin had no impact… the really overview was the producers, i was simply providing the energy and intent and words and character…

Ha I love films about people who can't get their shit together, always adds some realism to it. Congratulations on becoming a director, I'd say it's far more enjoyable then writing or acting

i'm also writing and acting in this. i hope they're all enjoyable. and thank you!

How much did you get paid for the three movies in the title/how much of it was take home?

enough to keep fucking my life up in a very dramatic way.

Hi Tommy, your films have a special place in my childheart! As a writer, how does some one with little or no Hollywood ties get their work seen by the right people?

i'm not sure and when you figure it out, please tell me. my advice is, write the most personal, unique story you can, and hope that your talent wins the day.

I suppose fortune favors the bold...BTW do you have a favorite line that you have written that made it into your films?

"i'm feeling very olympic today"

What about the proof that you wrote them strung out?

well, you can call the writers' guild health and pension department and get a copy of my $1.2 million hospital bill that they paid every penny of due to a heart valve infection i got shooting narcotics.

You wrote the movies of my childhood while strung out on heroin?

Are you clean? And what "inspired" you to write those movies?

i am clean. i did not come up with the ideas or the concepts for the movies. i was hired to rewrite them. cool runnings was my vision. little giants, shrek, snow dogs, i just had little pieces in. cool runnings is the only one i consider a tommy swerdlow script. but i invented none of them.

What was the craziest thing you've done to get dope?

ride in the back of a dark freight truck on scrap car parts for 3 hours from somewhere around bakersfield all the way to LA. i thought the truck drivers were gonna take me somewhere and chop me into pieces.

What is your absolute favorite line that you have ever written?

"don't overcook it. i like it pink. pink as mrs. schivelli." that's a character based on my father in an autobiographical movie that led to me getting the cool runnings job. my favorite scene is the scene between yul brenner and junior in the bathroom. the "pride-power" scene.

Why did every grade I had from Elementary school on make us watch Cool Runnings? I mean, I love the movie but I always wondered. Maybe it was just my schools (grew up on Scottsdale AZ)

Every substitute teacher or random "emergency" where we watched a movie instead of doing school work...we watched Cool Runnings.

its an underdog story..inspirational, entertaining…all that good shit I guess

I once heard Shrek was based off a teacher in Notre Dame, is this true?

it's a 6 page book by a man named william steig who was a cartoonist for the new yorker magazine. possibly he based the character on the teacher but i'm not sure.

what is your favorite thing about heroin?

the structure. it allows you to be rebellious and at the same time, completely structures your time and focus. it gives you everything and it asks for everything.

What inspired you to make Cool Runnings and Shrek, other than heroin?

they were rewrite jobs. the only movie heroin addiction ever inspired me to write is the movie i'm directing right now. www.igg.me/at/houseitself

How has heroin affected your creativity? Obviously those are 3 very successful scripts. Did heroin help or hurt You?

It hurt me… I only say it at all to show the sort of non issue it was and to make the point that you can write sweet kind family entertainment on smack

Thanks, now whenever I think of Shrek I will see him shooting up in my head.

I was responsible more for the donkey..see him shooting up…its easier to see anyway

Is it possible to write something amazing without being on drugs?

more possible much more… I'm so much better now… the movie i wrote about drugs that i am making I was not on drugs for…check out the link..its bad ass

Well, not to be disrespectful, but doesn't every artist say/think his latest piece is the best?

no. bob dylan says he can't get near the songs he wrote in 1965. and i think woody allen would be hard pressed to think his current movies are his best. and i wasn't saying it was the best, i was saying i was clean when i wrote it.

what is your next project? and are you encouraging children's movie screenwriters to shoot up heroin?

no, its just my story… i do not glorify it its just what happened to me.. my next project is a movie about the job of what it is to be an addict…getting clean was the best thing I ever did… but I can't change the past

Dearest Mr. Swerdlow,

Would you rather fight one horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses. Thank you.

I think he means would you rather fight one horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses.

So you dont look like an idiot, I accidentally typed one duck sized horse or 100 duck sized horses. I edited it though.

Thanks brother

You're Welcome bro

Little giants was a great movie... Do you still shoot up? I could get you some quality heroin real cheap.

No I am clean..!!!! almost killed me! open heart surgery… quite a story

can we hear the story? we've got time.

The story is I used dope for 20 years and was a bloated desperate yet somewhat successful freak of a mess.. But I do have a certain talent, so that never goes…in 2007 i had an infection of the heart valve…needed the valve replaced…the fall out was a bleeding ulcer not days later and they could nt stop the bleeding..i bled for 2 days… 66 days in the hospital… 6 years later I'm damn fine I am… damn fine

Kind of amazing

You sure? This shit will make you trip balls. I could also get you some meth, crack, coke, E, or bath salts. I don't sell weed though, that shit is too dangerous.

you're a comedy writer… trips balls is very eloquent you tragic desperado..said with love of course

Lol ....you must think you're Heisenberg or something

i should ever doing something as good as breaking bad…actually my new movie is realer for sure check the link the house itself…live here now

That's just inappropriate....

it is true and inappropriate so at least i got that going for me