IAmA Paul Miller. I quit the internet for a year, it didn't go great, and now I'm back

Okay now I'm just refreshing the front page of Reddit to see if I've "made it." This is what I've become.

Even though you seem to think the whole experiment was sort of wasted, I would highly disagree. I think you proved to me and a lot of others that the Internet doesn't facilitate our problems... We do. So after all the times I've wondered if I would be better off giving up the Internet or things similar, I now believe the only way to solve those problems is just to pony up and spend my time more responsibly and make an effort to reach out to others without passing off my problems from an intangible thing. It's actually quite an invaluable lesson to learn. Thank you.

So my question is have you found yourself wondering if this was all a mistake for you? Or maybe you just feel the same way you did before you left about wishing you were doing something else for a living? I would hate that because you're my favorite writer on The Verge, but I also think you seem very stressed being back and I'm not sure it all has to do with your return to "The Web".

PS--You need to try the app Curiosity. It's pretty addictive.

Thanks for the encouragement!

I wouldn't say wasted, no. It's like any experiment: hypothesis, test the hypothesis, judge the result. My hypothesis was wrong, my experiment was still a success.

Is that how science works btw?

As an actual PhD-holding pipette-wielding scientist, I can confirm that yes, this is exactly how science works. Many of my hypotheses turn out to be wrong; proving myself wrong is still a valid result.

The only failed experiment is one where the experiment fails to prove or disprove your hypothesis. (Those happen a lot too.)

But you can never prove a hypothesis, only disprove the null hypothesis! Sorry, from an actual PhD dropout:P

You can never be 100% certain about anything, you can just gain evidence that lets you make a Bayesian update about your confidence in the hypothesis.

ugh science is so hard, friggin Bayesian updates

First, I found this to be very interesting. Thank you for doing this and sharing it with the world.

Have you found it difficult to pick up the internet where you left off?

VERY DIFFICULT. It's stressing me out. There is way too much of it, and is it just me or is it all moving faster now. We're all so good at the internet now, we're like one of those people really good at squeezing all the toothpaste out of a tube. It's cool, but at the end you don't have any toothpaste left!

Not sure where I was going with that...

I'm having the opposite problem.

I feel like there used to be more internet, and now I just use meme image feeds and reddit.

Remember the Yahoo! directory where you could find a relevant website by category?

I think oldnet's Reddit equivalent, in a way, was Geocities. Personal sharings, and GIFs.

Are you still feeling guilty for using the internet again?

Yeah, I feel guilty. It's irrational, but I think I should take it slow for the next few days, once this initial buzzwave dies down.

Also, when I see people's screens, or they try to show me something, I still look away on reflex. Took a while to train myself on that, might take a while to untrain.

Without my glasses "iama_paul_miller" in the URL looks like "lama_paul_miller"

How did leaving the internet affect your faith?

Helped and hurt it. I disconnected from people in some ways, which made it difficult to be close to some church friends. But I also learned a lot about myself, and how God is pleased with me and I can be pleasing to Him without being perfect.

I kind of "gave up" near the start of the year, and have been building off of that zero point ever since... hopefully in the right direction, toward a closer relationship with God.

Hi Paul.

hey

Do you have any regrets from this one year?

Totally. I wish I'd got off my ass more often and done stuff. I had all the time and clarity of thinking, none of the gumption.

Your article really touched me when I read it yesterday because you were so honest with your failures and disappointments.

I get the feeling that if I did the same experiment I would end up doing almost exactly the same thing.

Maybe you could build a little pile of rocks on my rubble of failure!

Holy crap it's been a year already since that AMA. Grats for going through with it. I have to bring up a post from that original thread (not mine). Did your experience match /u/EatingSteak's?

I actually did this, from July 2009-2010. I have to recommend against it.

Started off as a 'FUCK YOU' to AT&T, who screwed up setting up my Internet access, made me wait two weeks, then ended up saying they couldn't give me Internet access at all in my area, THEN SENT ME A BILL FOR IT. Long story on that, but tl;dr, they're evil, and I just said, "hell, why not, I can live without the internet" • I thought it would be sort of a 'challenge' at first. My god, how could we live without the internet, right?

• It wasn't nearly as challenging as I had expected. I mean, I still had a job and a car, and stuff like buying groceries and walking in the park hadn't changed.

• The minor conveniences really showed through. I had to use a PHONE BOOK to find a locksmith. A PHONE BOOK (really, first time in over 10 years). Booking plane tickets was a pain in the ass. Finding a newspaper or whatever to get movie showtimes. What time does this restaurant close, etc etc. What's going on I'm the city this weekend...

• It became rather dull rather quickly. The movies, TV shows, and games I had saved on my computer became stale rather quickly. When I bought games in the store, they always ran like shit cause my comp wasn't patched. Had to have a friend get updates/drivers onto a CD, bleh (is that cheating?). Everything happened more slowly. You'd be surprised how much interesting stuff you have to talk and learn about of you actually read something that isn't cat pictures. And how boring you seem when you don't.

• Regained some appreciation for 'old' forms of media, but was more often reminded of how much they suck. I fired through a lot of books, which was nice (and easier, when you're not getting bombarded with emails and facebook requests, and crap like that). Other than that, news from a paper or on TV is just insufferable. Ew.

• Life just seemed to pass me by a bit more. I was always behind what games, movoesl and TV shows were hot, what news was interesting, how far battery technology or cell phone trends had developed (heh, I almost completely missed the decline of Blackberry).

Actually, this guy gave me a SUPER valuable heads-up going in, and I'm super grateful.

Most of my experiments matched, except I enjoyed the "old" forms of media and didn't feel like life passed me by. But yeah, "dull," "boring," and "wasn't nearly as challenging as I had expected" match me well.

[deleted]

Yeah, in fact I had her over the night before I turned in what became the final draft of the article. She talked me through an outline (I'd helped her with her essays through college, so she owed me one), and pointed out a lot of positive things about me this year I'd missed.

Also, I'm SO proud of her. She graduated from college this year, and is starting out in a profession that's highly competitive and kind of scary to leap into, and she's totally rocking it.

How am I doing so far? How's my AMA technique?

I feel like I'm supposed to be doing something right now, but I can't remember what.

Why is Josh such a jerk?

Josh and I tell each other what we think. I love having Josh as a boss, because he thinks 100% differently than me in almost every department (except for a few tech preferences, but only a few). It would be so boring to work for someone who agreed with me.

What web site(s) did you miss the most?

http://didntmeantopost.tumblr.com http://www.theverge.com

How hard was it to actually stay offline? I don't mean about the willpower but that so many things are online it's almost unavoidable. Ever get tricked into it?

I got tricked once at the library. The NYPL catalog is just a website.

Other then that it was just a lot of people flashing Instagram in my face.

Would you do it again? Why?

No. For one, it was a bit of a stunt, and that could get old.

Secondly, it really separated me from people. I liked the calmness and lack of distraction, but I don't want to trade people for that luxury.

You've been back for a day. What has changed on the internet in a year?

Vine is new and SnapChat is cool now. That's about it.

When was the closest you got to saying "Fuck it, I'm going online!" and why?

Like, two days before May 1st. I thought it would be funny to ruin everything right then. One cosmic yearlong troll.

How was it working with the verge offline?

A lot harder on my co-workers than me. After I turned in a text file they had to take it all the way through editing, layout, publishing, comment moderation, etc. I got to just walk away and think about the next piece.

Also, I was hard to get ahold of, so that sucked.

What was your favorite letter from the last year?

Someone trolled me really hard by sending a letter using an online service as a sort of internet-usage entrapment. Also, he told me he wouldn't congratulate me on my weight loss because it would be like "congratulating a thief for not stealing."

Oh snap.

Can I ask what you thought of the flip-book animated gif of you using a flipbook animated gif I sent you?

OH MAN THAT WAS SO GREAT. Thank you!

Sorry I never wrote back :(

It sounds like this experiment started off well, but went on perhaps too long. Why did you choose a year, and not a shorter time period?

I dunno, seemed about right to me. Like, a year of college, a year sabbatical, etc. It did start to seem repetitive at points, and then something would shift and the experience would deepen. So I think it was the right amount of time.

Which smart phone are you going to start using?

Maybe an HTC One or an HTC First. I want to get an Android phone as a data only device, and then upgrade my dumbphone for an iPhone 5S whenever that comes out.

Thanks for doing this Paul. You talked about your sister's observation that you had become a better listener and seemed to be more empathetic. I understand that you also said that it doesn't take quitting the internet to understand that people have feelings. However, I was wondering if you think the internet breeds apathy and if minimizing your use increases the quality of interactions? Thanks!

I think it's just about using it at the right time, and not being half in it and half out. To be honest, I find it more annoying when someone pretends like they're in a conversation or watching a movie with me than when they make it clear they need to attend to a text message or a phone call or an email. Or even if they just want to cruise through instagram that's cool with me, just don't pretend like you're also in the moment with me.

I know that sounds rly harsh, and I don't want to judge people. That's just the feeling I get, and the action I'm attempting to avoid now that I'm back.

I already totally screwed up last night, got way into my iPad and ignored my roomie and sister for minutes at a time... while we sat on the same couch.

How many emails stack up unread after a year's time?

One of the Verge staff posted on twitter, it was something like 22k

I can confirm, 22k.

lol: https://vine.co/v/bQi9uU0F1Yt

While you were offline I hoped that you would have done a "What's in your bag, Paul Miller?" post for the site. Im curious to know what items were most valuable to you in your time offline? Was it just all newspapers and paper maps?

What's funny is I did like two "What's in your bag" photoshoots, and neither ended up on the site for whatever reason.

*Moleskine was probably number 1.

*Actually, maybe my laptop. I thought I'd be more iPad, but I really just did my MacBook Pro because it was such a pain to sync with my iPad and I wanted to make sure I had backups. I wrote a ton a ton a ton of text on my MacBook Pro this year.

*Moleskine is number 2.

*Then it's whatever book I'm trying to read at the time. Typically I carry something lighter and easier (like short stories or sci-fi) and something denser (like Aristotle) and read what fits my mood.

*Newspapers were key, but I usually read them before I left my coffeeshop, so they didn't end up in my bag too much.

*Tons of thumb drives to swap edits with my co-workers.

*I also really really value my bike and my skateboard, and sadly my bike died this year and I'm still sad about that.

(sry I forgot how to do formatting on reddit and I don't want to google it because I don't want any more tabs open because tabs stress me out)

Hey Paul! I´ve always been a big fan of you, I used to listen to the Engadget podcast every week, and now, of course, the Vergecast.

I found your roadtrip video very touching - you always seemed very laid back and relaxed to me, so I found it quite surprising that you have a very melancholic side.

Have you ever tried meditating? I used to be (and still am, though not quite as much) a very nervous and anxious person, always doubting things, ruminating a lot... And meditation was a big step for me.

Some book tips: "Whereever you go, there you are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn, "Mindfulness in Plain English" (also available as a printed book), and "Turning the mind into an ally" by Sakyong Mipham.

The very first chapter from "Mindfulness in Plain English" has this fantastic part:

No matter how hard you pursue pleasure and success, there are times when you fail. No matter how fast you flee, there are times when pain catches up with you. And in between those times, life is so boring you could scream. Our minds are full of opinions and criticisms. We have built walls all around ourselves and we are trapped with the prison of our own likes and dislikes. We suffer.

I usually don´t go around promoting meditation to everybody, as it is quite a personal journey and people usually discover it themselves, but after watching your video yesterday I felt the need to recommend this to you. Maybe you´ll give it a try - I think you would like it, or at least find it interesting (which is actually more valuable than simply "liking" it). The biggest moment for me was when I realized that sucking at the whole "sitting still and focusing on one thing" is actually part of the whole concept as well, not something that should be avoided.

Hope that helps. Take care!

Cheers from Hamburg, Germany.

"Mindfulness" is a great word. Not sure I'd be into meditation, but I do want to pray more and focus more on the right things.

I keep reading how overwhelmed the internet has been making you. Since reddit involves a lot of people (clearly), how difficult is it for you to do this AMA?

I put it fullscreen on a second desktop. I keep getting pulled away from emails because (humblebrag) I'm getting media requests. And I need to write a blurb for my offline column on The Verge and my editor just told me the blurb I tried to write between AMA answers was crap. Also I just upgraded to Mountain Lion and I'm getting all these notifications and they're just bugging me, I don't even know how to look at them yet. I'm currently hiding in one of our phone booths at the office so I don't get more distracted. Also, I'm hungry and thirsty but haven't taken my eyes off the computer. Also, I forgot my glasses today so everything hurts to read.

Everything sucks.

But hey, awesome questions, and it's wonderful to hear outside thoughts and opinions after a year siloed away. If only everything could move at like half speed, I might be okay.

Have you already played Heart of the Swarm?

Not yet. TT

Hey, I really loved your article.

One question:

You didn't really mention the nature of how you received news and stayed informed on world affairs when off the internet. So how did you receive word of newsworthy events and how did a lack of internet affect the way you reacted to different events? (e.g. boston bombing, Obama winning the election, or the Pope being replaced)

I heard about boston while on a roadtrip, and my friends started seeing it be reported on Twitter. I turned on the radio and got fragments of info, then got a better summary that night on CNN in the hotel room.

I watched the whole election night on TV.

I think I heard about the pope on a TV that's on in my coffee shop.

Outside of the BIG moments, most of my little news was fulfilled by the WSJ and the New York Times. I also read about half my New York Mags, a few of my New Yorkers and Wireds, and a Lands End catalog.

Did you have any dear friends who deserted you during the experiment?

Yeah, a friend moved to china and never gave me a phone number I could call or an address I could mail. Need to track that jerk down now that I can.

Is there anything you've seen so far that's made you think "ok, I should go offline again"?

The first hour I was kind of scared. The internet felt big and ferocious and I had to get out of the office and stand outside and smoke a cigarette and hug my co-workers a lot before I calmed down

So you're back. Now what?

pray

Who on the Verge staff do you think would have the hardest time being off the internet for a year?

Oooh, that's a goodie.

Maybe Chris Ziegler (@zpower)

It's not just quantity with him, it's quality. He owns the net.

Also, I have more Twitter followers than him now and won't let him forget it.

Do you think that the internet is rewiring our brains?

I think, but have no way of knowing for sure, that how we use the internet over time has a potential to rewire our brains — I also believe the brain is plastic enough to shift back.

Will you write this book on your experience? If yes, when do you publish?

Boy I hope I can write it. I've never published anything more than 5k words, so 100k is gonna be a huge stretch for me as a writer.

I do think I have some things to say that couldn't be summed up in these small essays, though. Strangely, a lot of contradictory ideas and experiences that I want to put down on paper and then attempt to reconcile.

Are you back on Facebook? How do you feel about it now?

A bit confusing, but I'm determined to learn it.

What was the first thing you did when you got back on the internet?

tweeted "jk"

Are we going to hear the music that you are performing in the Finding Paul Miller video?

Maybe someday. It's rough and nothing's recorded. That was our first ever show!

Reading your recap article yesterday, I got the impression that this experiment didn’t really turn out the way you had envisioned it when it comes to trying to be a happier, more productive person and the internet’s role in that. With that in mind, is this something you recommend that other people try for themselves, even for a briefer period of time? Is there something to be gained/learned by going through it?

I think people have things they know they want to do, but then they do things they want to do less for some reason.

So my goal is to figure out what I want to do most, and then not let other stuff that presents itself get in my way.

That takes willpower, which I lack, but it also takes good judgement, which I think I'm beginning to form.

In the first few months, how did you keep yourself outdoors, completing all those activities, being very productive? How did that change after a while, why couldn't keep go outdoors, force yourself to do things anymore. Are you marginally less distracted without the internet? Thanks

Wow, I'm the 4th commenter!

Well, I bet a lot had to do with the weather.

But I also think there's some sort of "sync" we get into with each other online, and it's indirect as much as it's direct interaction.

Out of sync, I just started doing things with people less, and that got me out of the habit of leaving the house.

Could you hear new music?

very little

I bought like 6 new cds while I was offline, and half of them sucked.

http://www.theverge.com/2012/12/18/3779960/offline-listening-to-music

Do you think your year would have gone easier if you had a group of people agreeing to quit the internet, instead of having it be a solitary pursuit?

No, I would've just felt bad for them.

Did you do a lot of gaming in your year off the internet? How'd you like the Mass Effect trilogy

I gave up a bit into Mass Effect 2.

TBH, I just don't like it when a game is so sincere in telling me a story. Let me tell my own story through the actions of my character. "Show don't tell," right? Golden rule of story telling, and all the "story-driven" games seem to miss that point.

I played the Borderlands, Fallout, Burnout Paradise, and Skate 3 the most this year.

Paul! I'm a big fan of yours since the Engadget days.

What is something you miss about being offline?

Also, I recommend reading the most Human Human by Brian Christian it's about how computers effect our lives you might like it.

Having a real problem concetrating. Also, I wanted to write some stuff and listen to music since I got back online, and haven't had a single chance.

Also I bought breakfast today and it's still sitting uneaten next to my computer.

Two questions:

• Are you going to E3? I tried very hard to catch you last year (I wasn't at The Verge's party), but y'know, you weren't on the internet. When you did your Offline piece with the masthead photo of the Microsoft conference, I could see my colleague about thirty feet behind you and I was so mad, ha!

• Did you dream of your Oceana on Vergecraft? I was leading the team building it when you left and it got really hard to keep motivated, but we got a bit further before the server was reset altogether.

Yeah, I'm going to E3. I'm probably gonna be kind of stressed out, so much stimulation, so I hope I'm not a jerk if run into you!

And yes, I miss Minecraft. I need things to calm down before I jump in. Want to spend quality time there, not just a hop-in hop-out.

I'd love a short list of great books you read while offline and recommend. I'm really keen on reading a Paul Miller book btw,

Thanks Paul, you're my inspiration for studying to become a tech writer.

This was my (pre-downloaded) audiobook collection this year: http://i.imgur.com/KENKxi5.jpg

Especially loved Blood Meridian, Valis, and Solaris.

Hey Paul, Are you going to our 10 year highschool reunion?

Oh shoot when is that?

Your thoughts on the CES keynote?

I was busy writing in another room while the whole staff was watching the keynote and crying from laughter. So I guess I'm just that good of an employee.

Did you ever think about Henry David Thoreau when you were away? I found the experience you related in your piece to be similar, at least superficially.

Yeah, I got halfway through his book. Need to finish it. I see a lot of similarities, the diff is he's a poet and I'm a tech writer, which means he can make more meaning with his words. Also, he was kind of a dork and I'm totally cool.

First off, you have always been one of my favorite Engadget/The Verge writers. I feel like I share your opinion on most items.

So when you announced this, I was excited but also disappointing that you would not be writing as much.

My favorite piece from you while you were offline was your article on Porn. I relate entirely being a Christian (from Southwest Missouri even).

So I guess my question is, are you taking steps to avoid porn? How successful do you think you will be at avoiding it now that you are back on the internet?

I want to install Covenant Eyes, but ultimately I think the best way to avoid porn is to learn to not like porn — however that can be accomplished.

Hoping more time with Jesus and more time with my church fellows can help me work on that.

As a Gen X'er, I'm flabberghasted that living without internet for a period of time is a big deal to anyone.

For Gen Y / Millennials, is lack of internet access truly a big deal? Like going a few days without Facebook is going to kill you? Like opiate withdrawl?

Do people not want to go camping or backpack hiking because they're afraid they won't have 4G?

It's less of a challenge than a curiosity. It wasn't hard for me to quit, but it was a super different sensation than I'd felt since I was twelve, pre-internet.

Maybe it might flatter you to know that I kind of wanted to know what it felt like to be a Gen X'er 20 years ago?

brb, need to check my snapchats

Edit: uh oh, my sister screenshotted my snapchat. I don't even remember what it was (plz don't make the obvious joke, don't be a 13yo), but I feel violated anyway

Edit 2: okay, good work everyone on the snapchats, back to the questions

How long did it take to adapt to new memes?

I dunno, haven't run across too many new ones yet. I will say, some people have tried to verbally explain some memes to me this year and I just did NOT get it. "Had to be there" I guess? We'll see how I take to it.

What new piece of technology (that you were previously restricted from) are you really looking forward to using now?

Google Now for sure. I love AI, and this is really becoming the forefront. Hopefully Siri can catch up in its own way. Not too confident though.

Did you notice your powers of concentration increase?

Yeah. Not exponentially, but enough to give some respect to Nicholas Carr's "The Shallows" for exploring the topic. I think we still have a lot to learn about what the internet "does" to our brains, and I'm not a scientist unfortunately.

While you realized that life without the internet is a drag, do you think this will ultimately lead to you using the internet less for the shallow stuff (like reddit) and more for networking, work, etc.?

Maybe. I'm actually super stoked on some educational apps I found last night. Flash cards and simple stuff like that, but it's easier than studying Latin in a book.

Could you do it again ?

I could but it would be pointless I think. Might be interesting in 5 or 10 years mebbe, but it won't be me I don't think.

Just wanted to say that the article was an interesting read. Thanks for sharing it. :D

Thank you!

I hope my answers here don't contradict or confuse what I said in that article, but I should note that I'm still trying to understand things. I don't have it all figured out, even my own experiences.

• Some of your favorite books from your time away?

• I was anticipating your science fiction novel, any plans for that?

• How has your criticism, or taste, changed for the things you consume. Books, journalism, ice cream, alcohol, etc.?

Blood Meridian was awesome, kind of a landmark read for me. Helped me understand what fiction can convey.

My sci-fi novel is... well, let's just hope that someday it manages to fall out of my computer and onto some published medium.

I can read non-fiction now, couldn't do that before. I like opinion more than straightforward fact journalism, because it's easier to receive someone's opinion than suss through a journalistic slant. I'm still into ice cream snickers bars. I actually re-started drinking alcohol in February, after about two years without. I was never an alcoholic, I just wanted to take a break. Glad I came back, though I didn't need the calories.

Porn, Paul. You can't escape it. How are you going to... help yourself or resist the urges besides setting up that program to send links to your pastor?

\o/

How was the first wank watching porn again?

http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap so far