I was mauled by a bear, fought it off, and drove 4 miles down a mountain with my face hanging off. AMA

I'm morbidly curious-- could you see out of the eye that was hanging down your face?

My eyeball was not hanging down onto my face, but it was bitten and the other eye lid torn off. I only allowed myself a brief look into the rearview mirror, but it was so awful, I just laughed and kept driving.

I just laughed and kept driving.

HO.

LY.

SHIT.

it beat the alternative.

Goddam you're awesome

Goddam, you're sweet. Thanks.

I would imagine that people driving next to you would see the blood coming from your face. Did anyone try and stop and help?

The "road" was more of a dirt trail than an actual road. I've never seen another vehicle up there in all the years I've lived here, so the chances I'd run into anyone were slim indeed.

The adrenaline was going crazy. She probably drove like a god damn maniac.

Yep. Also, I couldn't see anything, which made for a rollicking good time.

I would be horrified in that situation, adrenaline does crazy things to people.

edit 2: grammar, ^{sorry guys I'm kind of tired}

I very nearly was, but found the alternative more appealing.

If I ever found myself being attacked by a bear, what advice would you give me?

If it's a Grizzly Bear, play dead. If you're in California, it's a Black Bear. Fight back with everything you've got because it's trying to kill you. If it's a Polar Bear, you're fucked.

If it's brown, stay down. If it's black, attack. Now confirmed to be true.

Except that black bears can be black, red, brown, black and white, golden, tan, rust or mottled. Best to go by the State you're being attacked in. California has black bears, so if you're in California and a bear is eating you, you'd best fight back. If you're in the PNW or Montana where they also have grizzlies, things may become a bit more problematic.

Edit: epic redundancy

What that's not true about the polar bear thing, climb a tree they can't climb. As a Manitoban I know this.

Cool info, thanks for this. I'll remember that then next time I'm being mauled by a polar bear!

I love you.

Awwwww. I love you back.

Half guard sweep, bro.

It was too big to Oompah and there were no folding chairs around.

Bear, do you even train?

LOL

Man I pooped at 530am without toilet paper, waddled to the closet and back without dying and I thought I accomplished something great...damn

Don't kid yourself, Joe. You are a true American Patriot. I salute you, sir.

You guys, so funny.

LMAO

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After it had gnawed my head awhile, I decided to open my eyes and look at what was killing me. It's expression was so bland and businesslike it enraged me, so I managed to jab my thumb into its piggy little eye and it let go of my face long enough for me to yell for my dogs. Once the dogs came running, it was diverted long enough for me to get up and try to escape down the creekbed.

Edit: punctuation

Did the dogs get out ok?

Both my dogs survived! But it's been almost five years and big dogs don't live all that long. Deke's death really hit me hard. I miss him.

I'm so happy all three of you survived!

Me too, thanks.

dogs are so cool and its badass that they went after it for u my dog probably would have tried to play with it

I think mine did too, actually, until they smelled all the blood. Then things got serious.

I'm curious how did you get your dogs back? Did they initially follow you back to your vehicle once you were safe or did you have to go back looking for them once you had left the hospital, hoping they were okay?

The mastiff was waiting at the car when I got back to it, but the wolfhound made his way down the mountain and a neighbor recognized him and brought him back to the ranch.

You need to marry Ron Swanson.

I'd probably scare the poor boy to death....

How much were you medical bills?

My crappy insurance company only covered about 20% of what I needed done (Google: Mauled by a bear then mauled by Blue Cross), so I'll be paying these bills off for the rest of my life. So far expenses have been about 300K and counting.

We need to get you on Ellen. She'd take care of the bills.

I'd love to meet her. I think she's adorable!

You should have put your thumb in blue cross lil piggy eye socket too.

Edit: Thanks for the gold fellow redditor. Internet fist bump!

I've been trying to. And when we get a public option, I will have succeeded.

That's horrible! Wtf?? Is living near bears considered a pre-existing condition or something??

My policy doesn't cover dental, optical, or cosmetic -- the major injuries I suffered. "Health" insurance is the biggest scam on the planet. The company makes their money by denying their policyholders service.

Did you have that moment of seeing your life flash before your eyes?

No. Nor did I see Jesus. But I knew that this was the moment of my death, and it pissed me off enormously. So much in fact, that it inspired me to fight back -- which turned out to be the right decision. I think.

i can imagine your inside the bear's jaw

"....wow..i'm going to die. I'm actually going to...wait, WHAT THE FUCK! THIS IS HOW I'M GOING TO DIE!? FUCK THIS SHIT. HADOKEN!!!!!!!!"

Exactly.

You have so much grit! You seem like such a wonderful, tough woman, and I am so thankful that you decided to share your story. Thank you!

And thanks so much for your kind words!

Is there anything you can compare that kind of pain to?

No. Having a baby was a piece of cake in comparison. Maybe like being smacked in the head by an anvil?

Thanks so much for doing this I actually heard about you before. What breed are your dogs?

Deke was a masiff and RK is an Irish wolfhound. As it turns out, the two very best breeds I could have had in this situation, as the mastiff instinctively goes for ground (they were bred to bait bears) and the wolfhound keeps it at bay.

Irish wolfhounds should be classified as horses

Too bad they don't eat hay instead of roast beef.

Your story is very inspiring. Would you fight one bear sized duck or 10 duck sized bears?

I'd stew them all with some shallots and beer and call it dinner.

Be my grandma, please.

Wait until you try my cookies.

I'm just saying... Ya know how people are always "if that bear woulda touched me I woulda went all beastmode on it"? OP is that person. Without all the punkassedness. Cheers, op

I think we all have a little punkass in us; we just need the right arsehole to bring it on.

What was going through your mind as you drove back down the mountain?

For one thing, I didn't expect to MAKE it down the mountain, so there was an air of the surreal about it; sort of like a crazed Disney ride. But mostly when I realized that I might indeed make it to the fire station, there was this enormous sense of elation.

The pain must've been excruciating though, wasn't it? Or were you in shock or something?

Mercifully, one forgets the actual sensation, but I wrote about it at the time, knowing I wouldn't remember what it was like if I didn't get it down in the near term. The desire to survive overrides everything else, so the pain became superfluous to keeping myself alive. Curiously, many of the nerves in my face were severed in the attack, so there wasn't a specific pain, just an overweening one. And a whole lot of blood. The horror was the hard part. Numbing, in fact.

How have you recovered physically? Sorry to ask this but what specific injuries or damages did you actually suffer?

BTW - you are awesome and spectacular!

Thanks! If you didn't know about the attack and saw me on the street, you probably wouldn't even look twice. Kimberly Lee is one HELL of a good plastic surgeon! But I suffered some pretty gruesome injuries to my face and head. In fact, in the ER pics, you can't even tell I'm a human being. I've had doctors look at the picture and turn it around trying to figure out where the face is in it.

Basically what happened is that the bear charged, grabbed me by the ears and bit into my face. In doing so, it destroyed the bridge of my nose, tore off my ears, chewed out fourteen teeth and much of my upper gums and palate. It also ripped off my lips and tore apart my face and scalp. Kimberly Lee estimated that she put over a thousand stitches into my head and face during the first surgery. Me right after surgery: http://i.imgur.com/gC2fSbP.jpg Me today: http://i.imgur.com/VyFbW57.jpg

Dr.Lee is at www.kimberlyleemd.com www.kimberlyleemd.com

Edit: removed redundancy

You look better than most people who haven't been mauled by a bear.

Aww. Shucks. It was a hell of a way to get a facelift

You look great!

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LOL. Made this all worthwhile. Right there.

I FEEL great. Thanks so much!

Your plastic surgeon did a wonderful job. Can we see a pic of you before the attack to put along with the current photo of you?

This was taken a month before the attack: http://i.imgur.com/uw38GaT.jpg

How did it feel to have half your face hanging off. I woke up during surgery with part of my scalp/face peeled back and it was a very strange experience but I was sedated - how was it for you? I mean, obviously it was painful, but anything else?

It felt alien, cold, like it belonged to somebody else and I was just inside watching.

When you got to the fire station what did you say/do?

What did your dog's do once you called them over? And did they survive?

Thanks for doing this, and you look gorgeous! Your surgeon must of been great!

When I got to the fire station, my big concern was that when they saw me, they'd faint, so I decided to try for levity. So I walked into the garage bay and yelled "Honey I'm home!" Then proceeded to give them every bit of personal informatin I could remember: name, blood type, shoe size...

First off, they both lived, not that much worse for wear. Once I called them, they came running, I don't remember much after that, but there was a lot of fur and blood, and growling and yelping. They diverted the bear long enough for me to get up and escape.

Thank you! My surgeon, Kimberly Lee, M.D. is a genius, so if anyone out there need a face lift, give her office a call and tell them I sent you. She's in Beverly Hills.

Hi Allena, thanks for doing an AMA.

Did you quit your job at the ranch?

Has this changed your perspective of animals?

Did you provoke the animal, or have any idea why it would attack you?

1: My ranch IS my job. I can't quit it. 2:I have to admit, the whole misadventure has made me a lot more wary of animals with big teeth. We tend to take for granted that they're not going to kill us. Sometimes that's just not true.... 3:I think it was a predatory attack by a desperate creature. It was probably hungry, disoriented from the recent wildfire, and taking a territorial stand. It certainly knew I was there, and it had been stalking me. Probably figured I was an easier dinner than a deer -- which has hooves and antlers and can outrun it. Little old ladies aren't supposed to fight back....

I would like to just say that you look fantastic in your after photos, and thank you for doing this AMA.

Thank you so much! I owe it all to my fabulous surgeon, Dr. Kimberly Lee, and some very good lighting.

Have you ever thought of going back for him and getting revenge?

No. In fact I rather identified with the beast inasmuch as it struck me that it was a refugee seeking a safe haven -- just as I was. It was tracked for several days, but the hunters were unable to catch it.

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There are arsehole humans, too. But I don't hold that against humanity.

If you were to do something to prevent this from happening to you again, what would you do?

When I'm outside now, I watch my six! It was something of a fluke, as black bears rarely attack human beings. But my tomboy girlfriends who like to run and bike in the backcountry learned a valuable lesson from this. We ALL make sure we go out with a dog or two now, and STAY ALERT! Personally, I spend a lot of time looking up into the trees for lions....

I also live on a ranch and my mom always takes bear spray and bells when she goes hiking or running. Shits cash.

Very wise, but I worry it just alerts them that dinner is coming -- and with its own seasoning.

Thanks for doing the AMA! I was curious how did the bear attack you? Did you spot it, then it chased you down as you tried to run or did it just come out of nowhere and there was no time to react to it?

Sorry for that mix-up. I'm new to this format.

It had been waiting for me in a willow copse, and when I paused from my work for a moment, it rushed me and took me down. One moment we made eye contact, and in the next I was in the fetal position in the sandy creek bed with this nightmare gnawing on my face.

That sounds absolutely terrifying! It's remarkable that you had the instincts to fight back! I'd probably be lying there thinking HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT A BEAR IS EATING ME

That was my first inclination, but then I thought, "Damnit, I used to hang out at Playboy Mansion you miserable little creep. You can't do this to ME!" And I decided to live.

What was the drive to the fire station like for you? What was going through your head? And this may sound strange... but did you listen to music?

It was like the whackiest Disney ride ever. I alternated between elation and despair, but figured what the heck, I'm not likely to live through this anyway, so here's my one chance to drive like a total dickhead with impunity. Fortunately, the dirt track was so remote, that the likelihood of running into anyone else was approaching nil. Frankly, I expected to go careening over the cliffside, so I just spun the wheel and stomped on the brakes as the spirit moved me. No music, just my maniacal laughter echoing off the canyon walls.... :-)

That's so great to hear, I couldn't help but imagine that it would be a bloody, sepia toned heavy breathing ride with you constantly checking the review mirror. I guess I probably shouldn't make assumptions based on horror movies I've seen. It sounds like you are on the optimistic side. Has that optimism stuck with you in the years since?

More just a niggling sense of wtf. Life can go seriously weird on you sometimes, you know? But it helps if you don't take it too seriously.

Thanks for the AMA. How has your perspective of wildlife and protecting endagered dangerous animals changed? Do you still enjoy the outdoors?

I still love the outdoors, but I'm a lot more cautious about my surroundings. Some of the sanctity has been destroyed for me, and for that, I grieve. I'm still an avid advocate for wild things, but until they start paying property tax I'm going to assert my dominance.

So alpha!

That's Ms. Alpha to you, dear. :-)

How did you deal with the whole ordeal after your first operation? Emotionally, and physically.

Well, I wrote a book... Surprisingly, I didn't have the expected nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks et al one might have expected. Mostly, I was so stoked at the incredible job Dr. Lee had done on my reconstruction, I felt I'd be letting everyone down if I didn't do my damndest to heal and recover.

Physically, I had to relearn how to speak, eat, even breathe properly. But through it all, I was motivated by wanting to let people know that if a little old lady could survive something like this, so could they.

That's amazing. And by the picture that i've seen your doctor did an amazing job with reconstruction. That last little paragraph really hit me. It helped me put my own problems into perspective and how i they may be bad but people have certainly been in worse situations. So thank you. This made my day.

You're welcome. Hang in there.

So did I read correct that you have met Hunter S Thompson? If so What was your impression of him?

That the human body can survive more pharmaceutical assault than you ever thought possible.

what have you learned most from this experience?

Do you have a different outlook on life because of this happening?

To persist. As to the second part of your question, I'm still trying to figure that out. I a bit more wary in the wild places -- which ruins some of the sanctity I used to find there, and I resent that. But mostly I'm the same person I've always been, just a bit lumpier.

This sounds familiar, i think it was on TIL not too long ago, if I'm not mistaken. The story I mean

Yeah, my son saw and told me about it, and dared me to do this AMA.

Do you carry a gun or at least pepper spray now?

Nope. Just a big dog, or horse,

Do bears mark their territory? I've seen a few places where the bark is rubbed raw... could this be an indication of a bear's habitat nearby?

Yes, bears do scratch bark as a marker, but mostly they just leave their scat. If you see piles of bear plop in the middle of a trail, there's a good reason, and you should probably watch your six.

I worked in the ER at ucla back in 2008. I remember you. I'm glad you're doing well. That makes me happy

Thank you thank you thank you for the incredible job you guys did on me! The most humbling thing about this whole escapade is knowing that 100 brilliant and dedicated people came together as a team to save a literally faceless stranger. I am indebted to you all every time I look in a mirror -- or look, period.

That UCLA is my alma mater (my father was in in the first graduating class at UCLA Med and my sister was in the class of 85) makes it all the sweeter. GO BRUINS!

Do you carry a gun with you? Should you?

No, guns just get in my way. I carry a large wolfhound instead. Seriously, if you're going to be in known bear country, it's probably a good idea to carry bear spray. Unless you're an extremely good shot and super cool under pressure, chances are a gun won't do you much good at all in the midst of all that adrenalin.

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No, it was in the Southern Sierras south of Lake Isabella. You should know, however that Monrovia of all places, is the location of the most bear-to-human interactions in the state, so be careful out there!

Did it seem to go in slow motion or was it more like a quick motion of you sticking its eye with your thumb and getting away?

Everything happened in real time. No distortions at all. I knew that should I survive this, I'd have one hell of a story to tell, so I made a conscious decision to note and remember every possible detail so I could write it all down if I made it out of there. And I did.

If someone were to make a movie about your experience, ala 127 hrs. Who would you pick to play you?

Me. I'm sui generis.

What was the reaction of the people that helped you? Could you talk at all to explain what happened?

The guys at the fire station were champs. We all kept it as professional as possible and even managed a laugh or two out of it. I figured that if I kept them busy writing down my personal information they'd: A.) Not faint B.) Be able to indentify the body So I gave them name, age, blood type, UCLA patient number, next of kin, size of shoe, anything I could think of to keep conscious until the heli-evac arrived from Mojave about twenty minutes later.

Wow, as someone who has lead outdoor trips for a living and now works in emergency medicine, this is my worst nightmare. I am so amazed at you keeping your wits together like that. I've been stalked by mountain lions before and definitely had that "raised hackle" feeling before. Did you have any sensation at all that something was watching you? How long was your recovery total? What was the most difficult part of your recovery? Do you have a partner and were they supportive? Thank you for participating in this AMA!

I had no inkling that I was being watched, and was totally oblivious to the danger. Even my dogs were sound asleep in the creek bed about twenty feet from me. The total recovery is ongoing, and it's been about 4.5 years now.

I've lived alone for the last twenty years, but my son, who'd just graduated from College of William and Mary and was looking forward to his real life, kindly moved back in with me for several months to babysit and drive me back and forth across the state for medical treatment. "Supportive" doesn't even come close. Child is my angel.

I realise you got attacked, and that this question may seem insensitive, but what happened to the bear afterwords? I know a lot of times park rangers will hunt the bear down and kill them because they had a 'taste for human flesh.' So I am just curious if you know the fate of the bear.

They tracked it for three days, but gave up after it killed one of their dogs. In some perverse chamber of my heart, I'd like to think it's still out there -- only now it's four years older and 200 pound heavier -- and it's waiting....

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I once spoke to a man who survived a grizzly attack. He spent hours walking/waiting for help. He said he felt no pain, until the moment the EMTs arrived. The moment of him giving himself over to someone else opened him up to the pain and agony. Did you experience anything similar or were you just a badass all the way through?

It hurt like hell throughout, but you're right. Once I was safe in the helicopter, the pain became overwhelming. It took all my will to remain conscious and upright so I didn't aspirate and drown in my blood.

Perhaps THE most surreal experience in a lifetime of whackiness.

What was going through your mind as it was gnawing at your head?! Were you accepting, horrified, strangely calm??

I was more pissed off than you can possible imagine thinking of all the pleasure my grizzly death would give the rednecks back in town.

Do you take preventative measures when in the wilderness now, such as a gun, pepper spray, etc.?

I know I probably should, but I don't take any protection with me other than my dogs. I had a side arm on me at the time of the attack, and it all happened so fast that I wouldn't have had time to pull the trigger even if I'd had it unholstered, the safety off, and was aiming.

Pepper spray might be useful on a hike, but it's kind of a pain in the butt to carry, and you have to be ready at the trigger -- which kind of ruins the ambience of being out in the beauty of nature.

Do you feel nervous about being anywhere remote now? And if/when you go anywhere do you carry protection with you now?

I'm a bit more circumspect when I'm out alone in the wild now, but no, I don't carry anything with me because I'm either on horseback or with a very large dog.

Do we have any proof this is the real person? It's rather convenient that a story from 5 years ago makes the front page and the person involved happens to come across it.

I was just as surprised too. How's this? Before: http://i.imgur.com/gC2fSbP.jpg After: http://i.imgur.com/VyFbW57.jpg

Sorry but the proof you provided is not convincing AT ALL. I'm not buying this until we get some real proof. Not after the guy who lied about having down's syndrome. Lets see a scar or something.

Edit: okay I got my proof. She posted in a reply to a comment. Sorry I doubted you miss ._.

I sometimes don't believe it myself. In my book I show a picture of the meatlump they brought into the ER at UCLA. I don't even look human in it.

Do bears ACTUALLY shit in the woods?

Why yes, they do. And so, nearly, did I.