By request - Russian mail order bride. When I was 21, I married an American who was 45 and moved to US. He turned out to be a pathological lier and had wild mood swings (eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder). Seven years of welfare, bad teeth, broken cars, disability, and bill collectors ensued. Finally I left him and have been happy and thriving ever since.

I have many friends who are Russian mail order brides - some with positive, others with negative experience. Overall, I would recommend it because culturally Americans and Russians are close and US is full of decent lonely men and Russian is full of lonely beautiful women.

Edit: Just submitted a photo of my divorce papers. Not sure how else to prove it. Я - бывшая русская жена американца. Отвечу на любые вопросы.

Edit 2: Have a short appointment. Will be back in an hour.

Edit 3: Wow, thanks for all the questions. Didn't expect this. For those of you who are asking about the websites and stuff, I don't have any. Please research them and use common sense. I wouldn't look specifically for a bride, just for dating and communication.

If Reddit wants to organize a trip to Russia, I'll tag along and help out.

Comments: 3525 • Responses: 58  • Date: 

FrankBluth1278 karma

Is UPS as rough with delivery as I constantly hear about?

Russian_Bride1914 karma

not when there is a russian woman inside

gsxr805 karma

Why is russia full of lonely women? I understand that alcoholism is rampant over there, but is it really that bad?

Russian_Bride1253 karma

alcoholism is very bad, life expectancy for men is terrible. women used to be economically disadvantaged - to get ahead in life you need a man. so women were treated like cattle - any blemish (old (over 20) age, former marriage, etc) and your value as a mate deteriorates.

lawrnk845 karma


Russian_Bride939 karma


BizarroSparkS576 karma

Did you bang the first night you met him?

Russian_Bride1112 karma


Bosley549 karma

1.) What part of Russia?

2.) How'd you get into it?

3.) Why get into it?

4.) Sex? Was he doing it for sex? Did you put out? How was the sex?

Russian_Bride816 karma

1) One of the stans 2) Played around online and signed up for paypal service 3) I was young and didn't have clear intentions, just curiosity 4) He was doing it for many reasons and I'm sure sex was one of them. He said I looked like every man's fantasy.

Edit: sex was OK.

valeyard89370 karma

I just got back from a trip to the -stans.. there are definitely some gorgeous women there. A friend of mine married a Russian girl (he was much older), they are still together and have three kids. His is one of the success stories I'm guessing.

Russian_Bride583 karma

yes, most Russian women just want to create a family. that is all.

TheDoktorIsIn433 karma

I have a friend who's Russian, she came over to the US after high school. Everything going for her, wrapping up her PhD from MIT, and yet all she talked about is starting a family. She finally got her wish!

Russian_Bride621 karma

Yes that's how we are programmed :)

iNsolenc3541 karma

Are you a Biggie or Tupac fan? Or both?

Russian_Bride1037 karma


[deleted]442 karma

What would you say is the percentage of mail order brides who take the money and disappear?

Russian_Bride708 karma

I've met one. She got $100k after being married for 2 weeks to a guy worth $20M. Most others do not get much if anything - they are unfamiliar with laws, do not speak the language, and do not have any support system.

SemiAsshole431 karma

Did you have a plan B in case the marriage didn't work out? If yes, what was it? and would you ever go back to Russia if you got the American citizenship?

Russian_Bride800 karma

I was 21, so I didn't even have a plan A. And yes, I would go back to Russia - I had a good life there. Aside from being embarrassed, of course.

Smalz22397 karma

Is becoming a mail order bride in Russia an embarrassing thing?

Russian_Bride563 karma


simplegnome334 karma

so whats there to be embarassed about if i may ask

Russian_Bride1064 karma

that I couldn't make a success of my new family and my new country

rawdikrik329 karma

I applaud you saying this. It isnt easy to admit you failed at something so important. It wasnt your fault though. A marriage is a partnership, and one person cant do it all themselves.

Dont worry. Im sure you will have another chance.

Russian_Bride357 karma

Thank you. I did have another chance and are happily married now. Just don't want to keep trying five times! :)

[deleted]411 karma


Russian_Bride750 karma

Initially it was a honeymoon-like relationship. He treated me well and we had a brief dating period. I did notice him mistreating service staff (very rude) once and thought about leaving right then, but decided that I should be an adult and not bail on someone so easy.

frank_n_bean370 karma

What were your perceptions of the US before you came? Has your experience been anything like what you were expected since your divorce?

Russian_Bride941 karma

Perceptions before I came were shaped by Hollywood - so white picket fence and two story house with two kids and a dog. Or Manhattan. And all kinds of freedom for all. Turned out to be the opposite of that.

Since my divorce - yes, I live the American dream now. But I had to make it by myself.

ethanwc160 karma

The America depicted in film is still around. Just pockets of areas, though.

Russian_Bride217 karma

I know. I've seen it since.

FunkForNerds311 karma

Did you ever develop genuine affection for him?
What was it like at the beginning living with a stranger?
Did you feel forced to be intimate very soon after meeting?

Russian_Bride490 karma

I did develop genuine affection - in his good/ sane times he was very fascinating and charming. He also travelled the world and had great taste. It all was like a great adventure. I didn't feel forced to be intimate.

lawrnk271 karma


Russian_Bride150 karma

thank you for saying this.

justfutt251 karma

Did you have a backstory ready for people who asked how you met or did you just tell everyone you were paid for?

Russian_Bride520 karma

I just said we've met online. Which is how we've met.

wheeldonkey181 karma

Hypothetically, If I'm looking for a mail-order bride:

  • Are there any reputable websites I should check out?

  • Is this arrangement typically done through a sort-of broker-esc company?

  • Or is it more unstructured and casual?... meeting in a chatroom, etc.

My biggest fear is that I would somehow get involved in the world of sex slavery. I wouldn't want to support an organization that fostered that.

  • How did you know you weren't being led into a trap?

Russian_Bride105 karma

Since I've done it so many years ago (in 1999), I don't know how it's done currently. If I were you, hypothetically, I would google as much information as I can and read reviews for various agencies. The website I used was not specifically for Russian mail-order brides, but rather, just for people from all over the world to meet and converse.

philamatt250 karma're saying that you're single?

Russian_Bride571 karma

No. I married another American. Much better this time! :)

badphish94207 karma

Does your new husband know your last husband paid for you?

Russian_Bride266 karma


Jaboomaphoo33 karma

Does he feel like he got sweet deal getting you for free?

Russian_Bride43 karma

yes, he did

tyler15555245 karma

Did you actually have feelings for the guy?

Russian_Bride541 karma

Yes. He was charming and worldy and told me many things that sounded great. Later he explained that puffery is American culture.

DanTheManWithAPlan225 karma

Do you regret it?

Russian_Bride597 karma

I thought about it a lot and decided that I do not. When I married him I was a stupid little girl and after this experience I grew into a strong adult.

imk188 karma

I had a terrible first marriage as well. I got married because I was young, stupid and irresponsible. We had a kid. When that happened I grew up quite a bit, my spouse did not. It ended quite badly and was dysfunctional throughout. Still, I got a lot out of it as a person and I got my daughter who is the most wonderful thing in my life.

Good luck to you and I am glad to hear that your current husband is a substantial improvement. I have not been brave enough to try those waters again myself, but it is nice to see it working out for someone.

Russian_Bride274 karma

Thank you. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Redebidet69 karma

As a strong adult, do you ever work the phrase "I will CRUSH you" into conversation? If not, can you start?

Russian_Bride134 karma

I actually do use that.

[deleted]221 karma


Russian_Bride409 karma

No but he gave me a complete makeover.

PauliEffect214 karma

How do you mean. Clothes, makeup and hair? Or did he want you to have plastic surgery?

Russian_Bride489 karma

Clothes, make up, hair - and even removal of a small birthmark I had. After he was done I could probably be a model. It was weird, I know, and I complained. But he begged for me to trust him saying that I am going to a new country where women look differently.

Wangwolf287 karma

Russian_Bride17 karma

the mark was on my face. Monroe-esque

[deleted]199 karma

Did you ever feel like you were using him just to come live in America? Do you think he ever felt used?

Russian_Bride627 karma

I didn't feel like it - I was going to create a family, we had a kid. I supported him through crushing poverty and disability and only left him after he was OK again. He probably feels he was used - he tends to blame other people for his problems.

DrMarvelous168 karma

How do you perceive men that "order" their brides? Is there an outstanding difference to those that look for their wives themselves?

Russian_Bride391 karma

It depends on a particular man. If he is looking for something submissive and is going to abuse her - very negatively. But if he just wants to have a family and is out of luck in his own country - why not?

Solid364143 karma

Interesting stuff, sorry about the shit bag first husband. Have you since remarried? And what's your current occupation?

Russian_Bride539 karma

Thanks. Yes, I remarried. I am an attorney now.

Chicki5150123 karma

Good for you! happily married I hope.

Russian_Bride203 karma

very. :)

Collodion141 karma

I'm curious to know how he introduced himself to you and how much in the way of communication (and kinds of communications) you had with him prior to him coming to Russia and marrying you.

Russian_Bride216 karma

he kept saying he was an American (i was unresponsive at first). he kept writing and messaging me for months. i don't recall how many months we communicated, but it was more than 6 and less than a year.

she_said_arizona134 karma

What's the postage?

Russian_Bride663 karma

same with any marriage - 1/2 of your assets.

not in my case though as I traded the assets for custody of our kid.

Amnerika104 karma

I think that says a lot about the guy, more interested in his belongings than his child.

Russian_Bride114 karma


KnockinBoots118 karma

What did you do before you joined the mail order service?

Russian_Bride239 karma

i just graduated from college.

thewaybaseballgo111 karma

Do you know how much he paid for you?

Russian_Bride192 karma

I know he spent $10K to fly over and have a wedding. Not sure how much he paid to the agency. May have been a free online service?

Cozmo2375 karma

Did you get any money from the agency or just the cost of moving to the US?

Russian_Bride118 karma

it was just a website, so no.

jca2u93 karma


Russian_Bride284 karma

It is not as bad as US media depicts. Politically it is backward and it is extremely corrupt. But people are great and the culture is rich.

sarfreer90 karma

Is there a typical age preference for Russian/Ukrainian women wanting to marry an American?

How popular are other countries as opposed to America (Canada, UK, etc)?

Russian_Bride144 karma

There is no age preference. Perhaps older women are more interested because their chances of marrying at home are declining.

Other countries are popular too. But not as much as US.

sarfreer86 karma

Are pre-nups common for these marriages?

Also, I'm asking on behalf of several people right now. More questions to follow, if I may.

Russian_Bride129 karma

Pre-nups are common, especially when men are wealthy.

sarfreer72 karma

What was the appeal to the US?

Biggest cultural difference between Russia and US?

Russian_Bride272 karma

Russians have a romanticized vision of US - that is free, cool, and a land of opportunity.

Biggest cultural difference - Americans are quite patriotic and think they can effect political change. Other than that they are very similar to Russians.

sarfreer57 karma

What was your first experience in America like? First impression?

How fluent in english were you before meeting him?

Russian_Bride160 karma

My first experience was very surprising. I've never seen an ATM machine or ate at a fast-food restaurant. It felt like being on another planet. He lived in a rural area so people there were nice but very uneducated.

I could read and write English but did not speak it too well.

sarfreer44 karma

What's the average age of the husband?

I'm assuming you know a few people that also married Americans

Russian_Bride64 karma

Usually older - 40s, 50s.

tossythrowy75 karma

Why don't women who are interested in this sort of thing ever go to the US dating sites (OKC, POF, Match, etc) and look for their ideal husbands and contact them through those instead of the mail order bride sites since most people tend to think they are scams?

Russian_Bride189 karma

I don't know. Maybe because your average US male is not interested in a long-distance relationship?

tossythrowy53 karma

What percentage of Russian brides would you say are mostly in it for money or citizenship in your experience? Also, is it really so much better in the US compared to Russia? I travelled much of Eastern Europe and never met any females who were eager to leave.

Edit: in fact many females I met seemed to actively dislike America, though they were still very friendly to me as an American, that's why I am curious.

Russian_Bride121 karma

Only small percentage of women are in for money or visas. In fact I've only met one - she specifically targeted rich American millionaires and was a serial bride. Most women genuinely want to have a family. And many of them are better off in Russia.

TheStatusBro67 karma

Thanks for doing the AMA. What do they tell you when you sign up? Do they paint a picture that everyone finds their prince charming on the other side of the water or do they tell you straight up that some of these men could be psycho? Also, why did you stay with him so long if it was so terrible?

Russian_Bride168 karma

Back when I did it we didn't hear all these horror stories and had no expectations. Besides the website was not specifically for Russian brides, just for people to meet each other.

Also I stayed with him because culturally that's what Russian women are taught to do - to support their men through thick and thin.

Nofmal58 karma

What year was this? Are you still a US citizen?

Russian_Bride104 karma

  1. yes.

Grimmz38 karma

Formatting messed up what you put in for the year.

Russian_Bride99 karma


cryospam53 karma

OK, so you say that you have some friends who are russian mail order brides with happy stories. What made them stand out, were they looking for rich older men who will just pay for their existences, or did they find husbands who created a normal (American) life, with 2 incomes, children, a normal family life, etc.

Russian_Bride175 karma

Their husbands were decent people who treated them like equal human beings.

Diasparo33 karma

What's the best success story you've heard of in regards to their life in America?

Russian_Bride77 karma

I have to think about this one. The initial few years are rough for all of us. But now over ten years later - most of my friends are doing well - they went through schools, started businesses, own properties.

Diasparo40 karma

What I mean is, are there any ones that, unlike you, moved in with and got married to a very successful person (e.g a millionaire, a rich heir to a business, a genuinely lovely person)

Russian_Bride127 karma

my childhood friend married a real estate developer who worships her, had 3 adorable kids. i know a few more who married millionaires and heirs but those didn't turn out that well :(

rawrgs30 karma

I don't see it as being a horrible thing if the terms are agreeable and there's no abuse. Like any relationship, two people have terms for staying with each other. There are tons of factors.

  1. Will we be sexually exclusive?
  2. Will we share all finances, or keep some/most/all separate?
  3. Will we live together? Where will we live?
  4. Will we have kids, if so how many, are we adopting, etc?
  5. Will we both work, or if not, who is going to watch the kids, do the household stuff, etc?
  6. If one of us lets ourselves go and gains a bunch of weight, will that be an issue?

The list goes on and on of things couples discuss during the formation of their relationship. I can easily see a financially successful, but socially awkward / unattractive person who just wants companionship working out an agreement with an attractive person who would be grateful to work out a relationship with someone who will provide for them. In the end, as long as some good paperwork is laid down for the marriage, what's wrong with that?

A lot of people have this bullshit bliss-ninny view of marriage being happy and based off of love, but typically after the first few years, the dynamic shifts from romance to pragmatism. Most marriages, at some point or another, lose their flair, and become bound by the practicality of staying together for financial and social reasons, so why not simply put it all out there in advance?

In the end, one person gains financial support and citizenship, while the other isn't lonely. From this, some genuine affection can grow as well, as both people feel like they are getting something from each other.

Russian_Bride79 karma

If both people genuinely desire family it tends to work out. If one of them looks or sex slave house maid and another one for money, then there will be problems.

GetTheFuckOverlt16 karma

We should become friends, so I don't have to order a Russian Mail Order Bride and I can just meet your friends from Russia. Bam, single lonely russian woman problem has been solved. Everyone can thank me later.

Russian_Bride19 karma


alphawolf2915 karma

Did you try dating Russian men? What was that like?

Russian_Bride30 karma

yes. I was very young, so I just remember being constantly pressured to have sex.