rawrgs

I don't see it as being a horrible thing if the terms are agreeable and there's no abuse. Like any relationship, two people have terms for staying with each other. There are tons of factors.

1. Will we be sexually exclusive?
2. Will we share all finances, or keep some/most/all separate?
3. Will we live together? Where will we live?
4. Will we have kids, if so how many, are we adopting, etc?
5. Will we both work, or if not, who is going to watch the kids, do the household stuff, etc?
6. If one of us lets ourselves go and gains a bunch of weight, will that be an issue?

The list goes on and on of things couples discuss during the formation of their relationship. I can easily see a financially successful, but socially awkward / unattractive person who just wants companionship working out an agreement with an attractive person who would be grateful to work out a relationship with someone who will provide for them. In the end, as long as some good paperwork is laid down for the marriage, what's wrong with that?

A lot of people have this bullshit bliss-ninny view of marriage being happy and based off of love, but typically after the first few years, the dynamic shifts from romance to pragmatism. Most marriages, at some point or another, lose their flair, and become bound by the practicality of staying together for financial and social reasons, so why not simply put it all out there in advance?

In the end, one person gains financial support and citizenship, while the other isn't lonely. From this, some genuine affection can grow as well, as both people feel like they are getting something from each other.

This will probably garner some hate, but I want to know how you really feel about this. Do you feel like given the incurable status that your child is a lost cause and that you wish for it to be over already?

I only ask, because my mother had an illness that drug our family through the wringers several times. She had post-polio syndrome, a condition resulting from nerve damage due to polio which manifested as searing pain in her vaginal wall. This meant lots of pain killers, and various other drugs that slowly eroded her personality and quality of life until she was practically bedridden and either belligerent or incoherent. Since I was a kid, it felt normal, so it was no big deal to me at the time, but after she died (when I was 13) I was amazed at how much easier me and my father's life had become. No more late night fights over fighting with doctors over medication, or traveling across the country to find a doctor with the stones to actually try a risky surgery. That's not even to mention the financial aspect, and the cost of two $600 a month health insurance policies in the '90s.

I felt guilty for a long time feeling that my mother dying was actually a net positive because it took the burden of her illness away. Then after talking with many other people with family members in similar situations (cancer, Alzheimers, etc), we tend to hide the fact that these burdens effect us in a real way. We feel shamed to admit that our grandmother with dementia or our child with severe autism feel like a huge ball and chain that we wish we could escape from. We feel guilted from society, but typically a society that is conveniently not in those kinds of situations for 99% of their lives.

Do you feel like you aren't making progress, and merely treading water until you can try again, or do you feel fulfilled by this?