This basically spawned from a thread in a different forum and there were MANY requests to do this.

Basically I was close to a total breakdown when I was 24, I had enormous workstress and did a bit too much cocaine. IU decided to go back to nature, hiked to a rented mountain cabin in a secluded area and did everything naked for two months. Clothes did not touch my skin in that time.

I have no clue how to provide proof, and I have said earlier that I don't have it, however people still keep asking for an AMA, so here it is. I'll be online for the next hour.

edit1: Like I said, I had one hour. I think I have responded to every single reply at the time of this edit. I promise I will reply to all replies tomorrow after I wake up.

edit2: good morning (I'm in Europe at this time). Went through my inbox, answered all. If I forgot you, sorry :(. I'll keep checking into this thread at random times during the day.

Also thank you for the reddit gold, you know who you are (and so do I).

edit3: answered everything in my mailbox again. If you have a question please directly reply to the main post or to another post I made, its annoying to look through the entire thread to find questions.

edit4: and that's a wrap people. Thanks for the great AMA.

Comments: 1029 • Responses: 77  • Date: 

ashmaht293 karma

Yogi bear is smarter than the average bear. Yogi bear is frequently put in jail by a park ranger for stealing picnic baskets. That's pretty dumb. So the average bear must be vaguely retarded. How did you trick a retard?

[deleted]195 karma

I was fishing in the river, and after a while I realize I'm not alone. I pick up my fishing kit and the two fish that I caught and hurried back to the cabin. BAD MOVE. Yogi decides to stalk me and I realize I'm pretty much fucked. I'm naked, with 2 fish and a fishing rod. I was never going to survive. Also you must know I had no satphone with me and the only way back I knew was a two day hike. I threw the fish at the bear and he left me alone. I did not fish in the same area again.

ashmaht352 karma

No offense, because I think what you did is awesome and your user name is glorious, but that's not a trick. That's like saying "I tricked some burglars by throwing my valuables at them when they broke into my house to rob me."

[deleted]984 karma

Doesn't matter; survived.

butteryT244 karma

checkmate, ashmaht

ashmaht179 karma

True. He wins this round. And life, I guess. I mean, I've never escaped from a bear.

lazydictionary164 karma

That you know of...

They're everywhere....

[deleted]130 karma

This is a fact. I think I've seen that bastard in my neighborhood once or twice. My wife keeps hearing noises in the house as well.

s_mcc156 karma

The fish sated his hunger for a while, but he's still on the hunt for dat ass.

[deleted]91 karma


lazydictionary45 karma

Well at least you know how you're going to die.

[deleted]627 karma

I keep a bucket of distraction fish near the bed at all times. And if that fails, I'll throw my wife at it, same smell.

[deleted]188 karma

And the bear is all like DM:HS (doesn't matter, had salmon)

[deleted]48 karma

And all was well in this world.

TheAtomicPlayboy265 karma

Like a coked out Walden.

[deleted]7 karma

"I was determined to know shrooms"

yoinkmasta107164 karma

What did you do to pass the time? Did you do a lot of hiking outside? If so, what did you do to protect your twig and berries from other twigs and berries?

[deleted]124 karma

I got food from hunting and fishing. Mostly fats and proteins during my time in the mountains. I walked a lot, but never further than 5 miles from the cabin.

yoinkmasta107166 karma

Either you missed my play on words or forgot to answer, so I'll be blunt.

How did you protect your penis and testicles from dangerous objects like branches, insects, and other outdoorsy things.

The naked thing sounds awesome but I would constantly be walking around cupping my junk for protection.

[deleted]136 karma

I didn't. It was hard at first, but you seem to adjust yourself to it. You become more careful around your nether regions.

Also, before you ask, pants won't help when you nearly get an axe to the crotch.

edit: to clear up, you start cupping the boys quite a lot.

[deleted]95 karma

so, pretty much played minecraft

JPMiller93 karma

Did anyone ever run into you when you were running naked around the woods?

Edit: Fixed my punctuation so you don't have to!

[deleted]154 karma

Not once. I did find traces of other people (like scraps of trash). But never saw someone. The cabin is very secluded and not accessible by anything other than horse or by foot.

JPMiller50 karma

Thanks for the speedy response.

[deleted]117 karma

I got about 40 mins before the missus will make me sleep on the couch. I like you guys, but I do not like you guys enough to do that.

The_Worst_Comment96 karma

Sleep on the couch with you? Why not!? We are awesome!

[deleted]90 karma

Seem legit.

Jeebusify11918 karma

As long as you're naked I'm down

[deleted]21 karma

I have a natural coat.

Shim_Hutch73 karma

You lived naked in a cabin, but a night on the couch is too much?

[deleted]207 karma

I like sex. A lot.

MasterHax86 karma

Did you entertain the thought of a beautiful woman happening upon you and living happily ever naked?

[deleted]345 karma

Nope. I was done with women for a bit after I had a terrible breakup. I did masturbate though, often and vigorously.

GhettoCommentGuy270 karma

I imagined a bearded man grunting on a stump surrounded by shocked and appalled woodland creatures.

[deleted]106 karma

No a bad mental image if I say so myself.

[deleted]23 karma


[deleted]245 karma

This is how I will describe my weekends now.

coolguy71677 karma


[deleted]130 karma

Nope. But you get used to being more careful. I did have a tick or something on my gonads. Fortunately no disease from that (checked when I got back).

AnalBravado172 karma

I got a tick on the head of my penis once while playing naked in tall grass. Had to go to the hospital to get that sucker off. 6 foot 5 muslim doctor plucked it out with tweezers.

winThatSmile46 karma

When I was little I had a similar experience. Except the sucker climbed in. Fun doctor experience. Also made peeing very red and suck

AnalBravado65 karma

Tick in urethra.

Blast it with piss.

winThatSmile6 karma

except it didn't come out :(

parlezmoose76 karma

I understand the need for seclusion but why the nudity?

Didn't mosquitoes attack you? What about sunburn?

[deleted]386 karma

It felt right. Not too much issues with mosquitos, never have. Little vampire bastards don't seem to enjoy my succulent blood.

Sunburn is a topic I do not want to talk about. Ever had sunburn on your testicles? No? You should consider yourself lucky. Then again you will never have the pleasure of tearing a ballsack sized piece of dead skin of your gonads.

Thomhobbes179 karma

Sometimes when I travel from a humid place to a dry place the skin on my shaft starts peeling and if I masturbate it comes off in a flurry. So I have had that pleasure, thank you very much.

[deleted]185 karma


brighteningair61 karma

Your witty responses make me smile :) There is nothing I miss more than going out info the wilderness with the sole goal to just continue surviving.

[deleted]69 karma

I have the biggest smile on my face now.

SanJoseSharks40 karma

I did 74 days in the high desert between utah and nevada... Had friends meet me and resupply me with rice and dehyrated beans in the event i wouldn't be able to support myself. No nudity... but i taught myself how to build a proper shelter and fire with nothing but a knife. It was truly rewarding.

Edit: also ended up hiking around 200 miles... Those resupply points were 30-50 miles apart so i had a map and compass to get me from A to B.

[deleted]37 karma

Nice. I'm not big on deserts though. I like the woods.

mungoahoy61 karma

How hairy are you? Is it possible that the bear mistook you for its lover?

[deleted]63 karma

It's a good possibility. I'm a bit like a gorilla body hair wise.

lookitzpancakes51 karma

Looking back, was this an experience that was worth undertaking? In other words, would you tell a fellow man to give it a shot if he was in the same situation as you were?

[deleted]130 karma

Only do it if you know what the bleep you are doing. I've been an outdoorsman for as long as I can remember. By the time I was able to walk I went with my dad to nature. It's not survival then, it's a holiday. I did have emergency rations in the cabin (mostly cans), but it could be nasty. I did not bring any technology. I could have been severely injured and NOBODY besides 1 friend and the cabin owner knew I was there and I told them not to contact me for two months until I got back, and only come for me after 3 months.

Plus, you have to be pretty strong minded I think to undertake something like this. It's hard on the body, I hiked 50-ish miles over two days to get there using a map and compas, not for the amateur woodsman I guess.

It was worth it, and I want to do it again. Maybe for longer, half a year. Not naked anymore though, maybe a bit.

[deleted]21 karma

Any advice for learning these sort of skills? id like to hike camp, but i have never had a chance to do it

butteryT49 karma

What was the best experience, what was the worst?

[deleted]114 karma

Worst: bear stalk. Best: Going back with an empty head and the energy to take on a psychological army.

[deleted]49 karma

Did you sometimes talk out loud to yourself/others(real/imaginary) ?

Did you still have internal monologue (in the form of words) ?

Did you have access to a mirror or another way to see your image ? How did it feel to see yourself again after you left ?

How did you cope with loneliness ?

[deleted]149 karma

I do, I still do. I talk to my computer, tv, cat, wife, etc.

I do, I still do, and I am reading all of this outloud in my mind.

There was a mirror in the cabin. I covered it up for the first 7 weeks. Then I looked at myself and smiled.

I did not feel lonely at all. Not for 1 second.

[deleted]35 karma

This is fascinating, so I asked quite a few questions. Thank you for taking the time.

[deleted]32 karma

You're more than welcome.

horsepills47 karma

What was it like returning to the real world after two months of total solitude? Did it take readjustment?

[deleted]116 karma

Talking to people was a bit odd at first. Also clothes were uncomfortable for a bit. I hired back naked the first day (just shoes) and wore clothes on the second day again. Didn't feel right, but hey, being a hairy bearded woodsman is okay when you are in the woods, but people in towns don't want to see my glorius scotus and hairy belly. Gotta fit in yo.

[deleted]13 karma

You mentioned in one of the comments that you should know what you are doing. I'm an indoorsman, how do I become an outdoorsman?

[deleted]36 karma

DOn't be a pussy and go out.

No, really, take it slowly. Start with grouphikes, and work your way up from there. Do not attempt that Discovery Channel survival shit on your own, you'll die.

Eskaban42 karma

Did you get food entirely from the natural environment? If not, how did you get supplies without putting on clothing when you went to buy them?

[deleted]59 karma

I was about 50 miles from the nearest town that I knew off. I lived of fishing and hunting.

m0nkeybl1tz28 karma

How much experience did you have in those areas beforehand?

[deleted]65 karma

Not a great fisherman, but I can manage. Hunter with bow and arrow I have been pretty good at since age 12, no worries there.

I believe there is a luck factor involved. I had a few good catching/hunting days. One catching day lasted me one and a half weeks of pretty much, feasting.

opallix29 karma

You could hunt with the bow and arrow since you were 12? Holy batman.

Hermionent54 karma

This is some Hunger Games shit right here.

[deleted]74 karma

Fuck your hunger games. BATTLE ROYALE.

edit: also: the greatest movie of all time.

krevency19 karma

That's very impressive. Most of us are very out of touch with the land our food comes from.

[deleted]116 karma

Beef comes from a tree right?

[deleted]141 karma

You would know better than I. Just kidding, I know beef comes from bushes, that's why we have ground beef.

Kimvia14 karma

Does that mean you didn't have any food besides lean protein? But maybe that is a stupid question. I assume you didn't grow wheat, harvest it, grind it into flour, and then find some eggs and water and bake bread.

Did you lose a lot of weight?

[deleted]27 karma

I became much more cut. I believe I entered ketosis and started burning up fat. I lost quiet a bit of fat mass but gained muscle mass.

remmycool36 karma

What did your family and friends know/think while you were gone?

[deleted]71 karma

I told them all that I went on a regular holiday. I didn't want them to worry.

Kimvia35 karma

How did you keep from chafing?

[deleted]90 karma

You don't.

Kunglers34 karma

would you do it again?

[deleted]79 karma

I intend to do it again.

curvy_lady_9227 karma

Are you taking the missus with this time?

[deleted]48 karma

Nope. A man should be alone with himself for a bit. She doesn't mind, she's more the beach holiday type of girl anyway.

Il_Principo23 karma

How does your wife feel about that?

[deleted]38 karma

Not bad.

Ryanisreallame33 karma

Is this the... naked truth?

[deleted]66 karma

I had a beard at the time, so partly. No jizz in it though, in contrary to popular believe. ಠ_ಠ

Ryanisreallame26 karma

Ah. Well thanks for clearing that up.

[deleted]116 karma

You're welcome.

strokes beard

Charl3magne31 karma

What was your job beforehand? I'm guessing finance of some sort.

[deleted]52 karma


savoiagriff57 karma

Can't help but think of you as Michael Scott now...

[deleted]72 karma

I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant..making it about...2:30

deffer400029 karma

How much cocaine does a stunt like this require?

[deleted]120 karma

Tell-Me-Fun-Facts28 karma

Were you prepared to live in the wild? What equipment, knowledge, etc. readied you for the trip?

I ask because your story reminds me somewhat of Into the Wild - ultimately in what ways were you better prepared for surviving in the wild than Christopher McCandless (acknowledging the increased intrinsic dangers of the Alaskan wild)?

[deleted]43 karma

I don't know that show, but for as long as I can remember I have been around wilderness with my dad. I can recite the SAS survival manual (which is pretty good) and I'm in good physical health.

I brought a small hand axe (big axe at the cabin), an assortment of knives, flints and tinder, bow and arrows, and believe it or not, 4 lbs of ground coffee, a map of the area and professional compas.

omg_IAMA_girl27 karma

safe to assume this was during the summer months?
"hiked to a rented mountain cabin"--assuming you paid the rent? how much?
Was there a bunch of food there already? Or did you bring a bunch with you? If you didn't wear clothes for two months, I have to assume that means no going to the store either?

[deleted]41 karma

It was high summer, but when I checked later the warmest was about 75F. The cabin belonged to a friend of a friend. I paid him about 500$ for 2 months of usage. There were emergency rations, but I didn't use them. No going to stores.

thisusernametakentoo25 karma


[deleted]50 karma

River + boiled.

thisusernametakentoo24 karma

Fuel? Light? Internet??????

[deleted]49 karma

Wood, Wood Fire + oil lamp, Nope.

thisusernametakentoo30 karma

My god, man...what did you do all day? What did you use to put not so funny captions on the bears and trees and such?

[deleted]69 karma

Exploring, walking, chopping wood (no joke, I chopped so much wood that it will last the cabin owner years). Thinking, meditating etc.

codenamebadger81 karma

I'm going to start a new school of therapy wherein all people do is chop wood.

[deleted]99 karma

kind of like that budhist? saying,

Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water,

After enlightenment, Chop wood and carry water

Vaypo25 karma

Did you only have your spank bank, or did you bring some reserves?

[deleted]57 karma

My mind is my spank bank.

Vaypo25 karma

That's what I was assuming. Seems like an interesting concept...masterbating outdoors. I feel like I'd go hit up the creek and chill, maybe check out the "talent".

[deleted]244 karma

I masturbated while sitting in a tree, fell out, hurt myself, finished anyway.

ideafoam24 karma

Aha! You actually did one. thanks

[deleted]63 karma

You guys insisted even though I had my reservations about this. GoodGuyJizzBeard.

GenericUsername0218 karma

Did you build much stuff while you were there? Not necessarily buildings, but traps, or something like that.

[deleted]27 karma

I fixed up the cabin a bit.

edit: also traps, but nothing fancy, mostly deadfalls and snares.

AndyRooney17 karma

Not sure if you've ever heard of the author Dominick Dunne (he recently died). He basically did the same thing you did for the same reasons, except he wasn't naked the entire time.

[deleted]20 karma

Never heard of him, but I'll read up on it though, thanks!

CoFlint16 karma

Any problems with bugs or no?

[deleted]35 karma

Nothing too bad. Some sort of tick on my scrotum.

0alexander16 karma

What made you decide to return to civilization?

[deleted]24 karma

Cabin needed to be returned to the owner, plus I liked it enough and felt like I was ready for society again.

UncorkedChief316 karma

were you ever scared being up there all by yourself?

[deleted]35 karma

Not really, I'm pretty much a hermit when I choose to be, I'm happy to be on my own. Unfortunately this happens way too little lately.

Bear scared me shitless though.

[deleted]14 karma

Were your parents/family worrie about your safety and mental health?

[deleted]51 karma

They didn't know, I told them I went back to europe for a few months.

UncorkedChief312 karma

do they know now and if so, what did they think about it?

[deleted]60 karma

They know, my dad told me he'd break my legs if I did it again without at least telling him.

I intend to tell him if I do it again, because that old coot is still perfectly capable to break my legs if he pleases.

Sixo10 karma

Judging by vernacular alone I'd say you're much more qualified to attempt this than myself.

[deleted]7 karma

Thanks, I guess.

BoSknight14 karma

Where you a scout? If do what troop and tank.

[deleted]30 karma

Yes, but in the country I grew up in it worked differently than in the US. (I did scouts till I was 15). I prefer not to identify the scout group if you don't mind.

drimpossible14513 karma

Which country are you from, if you want to say?

bendedheadtube13 karma

did you read survival books, bevore getting inside the cabin

[deleted]21 karma

I can pretty much recite the SAS survival handbook since I was a kid. My dad lectured me about it a lot.

[deleted]13 karma

Did you end up going to a psych after you returned?

[deleted]26 karma

Nope, I felt amazing when I got back. I went to a hotel in my departure town, had an insanely good bath. Went to a barber, got cleaned, shaven and cut. Bought some simple clothes and headed back into society. Got a great job also soon after.

UncorkedChief310 karma

so how did you trick a bear? answered

[deleted]26 karma

Replied to another user. tl;dr threw fish at it.

indigoskin9 karma

Nice try Bon Iver.

[deleted]14 karma

Thanks. Buy my record.

justafarmboy7 karma

Do you realize how many people would love to do this?? If I could just find the place and time....I 'd be there!!

[deleted]25 karma

Be careful when you do. Don't die.