IAMA novice soccer coach that led the 'worst team in the world' to their first ever international victory. AMA

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I want them to cast against type and go with Samuel L Jackson.

I'm tired of these motha-fucking goals scored on our motha-fucking keeper.

Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking frogs on this motherfucking pitch!

HAHA - if you write the script. I will make that movie.

And I am sure Disney will buy the rights to it. Yay money!

Here's hoping!

You can have a say in that yourself. Here's a link to the trailer and the movie fundraiser! http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

I think the movie has already been made.

It can be made with your help! Filming while coaching certainly wasn't easy!

Say 'soccer' again. Say 'soccer' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say soccer one more Goddamn time!

BEST COMMENT SO FAR. I am tweeting that.

I just sent this from @thesoccermen

https://twitter.com/#!/thesoccermen/status/171693945049464832

That is honestly one of the coolest, most amazing stories I've ever heard. Now I'm tempted to go somewhere and do something with my life!

By all means, get inspired! Here is the trailer to really AMP. YOU. UP http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

Please take this in the nicest way possible:

You are an idiot if you can't spin this into the most successful Brad Pitt movie of all time.

I took it in the nicest way possible and was not offended. Success all round.

already watched it, really cool! I'm currently a broke student, but if i happen to get a job, I'll probably throw $5 to be a part of it

I've been there! Nice one. Well spread the word to all the broke students you can!

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HAHA - Wrigley Field will always have a special place in my heart - it's in the Blue Brothers movie!

I am also a novice soccer coach. I, however, led what was in all likelyhood a normal and capable bunch of kids to be one of the worst teams ever. Where did I go wrong?

edit: For reference they were 1st graders.

Haha, maybe offer Twizzlers for goal bonuses!

Was this your secret?

No. Sakau was.

This is absolutely fantastic.

Any chance you could send a passionate email to a small club called The Arsenal? We need some inspirational coaches right now. :(

As a massive Spurs fan, you probably don't want that. I reckon you guys will turn it around though.

That's fine. Arsene is a Spurs fan too.

Apparently! We'll see in few days!

I laughed, then upvoted you. Then my internal gunner felt dirty.

Haha, let's just both focus our energy on enjoying AVB lose the plot.

Your real name is Gordon Bombay isn't it?

Very flattered by the reference.

Ah, so you're doing this because of a DUI?

Haha, don't drink and drive, kids. That's for adults. Kidding.

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Also, never underestimate the power of just showing up!

My dad would love you. He moved my family to the Virgin Islands in 1995 just after a massive hurricane went though. He didn't have a job so he walked into the local radio station Monday morning at 8am and asked what he could do to help, the owner replied he didn't need help. So my dad showed up again on Tuesday at 8am and asked if he could help, he got the same reply, no thanks. So he decides to go in on Wednesday at 8am again, and this time the owner says "Welp, you've been here everyday at 8am sharp and sober, I guess I'll have to find you an office." He's been working there ever since.

Edit: Since this comment has gotten some attention, I'll shamelessly plug my dad's autobiography: Life Lessons: from Louie Motherball, Margaret Mead and the Good News Guy; Near Mrs and Direct Hits of an eccentric thousand-aire. It's not really meant to be of value to anyone outside immediate family, more a record of his life and some silly stories he remembers about family, but I guess someone might find some value in it someday. The story in my comment is written out in it's entirety on page 134.

lolol - THAT MADE MY DAY!

this + i just saw your team kitted out in spurs shirts..

you utter fucking legend

i'm res tagging you, 'legend'.

you fucking legend.

Much appreciated. COYS.

We sent an email and said we were coming over and interested in helping out. I love the internet. But when we got there we showed we were really committed and the job was there if we wanted it. The whole story is in the documentary: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

Never underestimate the power of sending a passionate email!

Awesome story!

Can you tell us about the game against Guam?

How is the team doing now?

The game against Guam was NERVE RACKING. Nothing could prepare you for the nerves. Every time a player of mine was fouled I screamed astonishing abuse at the ref. I was a terrible example of fair play.

The team is growing and fingers crossed, we will get FIFA funding in 3 years. The sport has grown rapidly in the region thanks to the former captain who took over when we left. Diabetes and obesity are problems on the island so we are a great initiative for kids to stay healthy.

Wait, you guys left?

Yes, we had to hand over the reigns. The team has to have local people running it long term and that's what's happening. Hopefully we were a lasting catalyst!

At the end of the movie, it will be you two handing over literal reins over to a local coach to take over the team, then walk into the sunset and high five.

Then freeze frame.

Then music.

Then fade out.

Then credits.

I can see it now...

Thanks to that description - so can i.

Make it happen, Matt... Make it happen.

I'll do my best. :-)

At a glance I read this as "I am a novice sorcerer"

That would be incorrect as I am an expert Sorcerer.

When I first joined a team, it consisted of only of close friends. We lost every match we played for months. This was when we were 14 years old. Now, we're still together, but we're a lot better. We're competitors in our Sunday league division and we're currently in third place. It takes passion and love for the game in order to keep playing even though you keep on losing.

Sorry, but here's the question: How did the team celebrate after their first victory?

HHAHA great story! Love that! Our Celebrations? Gatorade fight, the biggest BBQ in South Pacific history and lots of tears.

By the way, you should try posting this to r/soccer. Maybe you can receive more donations for the documentary.

Awesome advice. Just done it.

What made you think you could turn the losing team around?

We were all the way around the world. If we couldn't turn it around - it was a long way to go to fail!

So, why did you take the risk?

I only asked myself that question the night before the big game. And I started crying. Footage of me crying like a big girl's blouse will be in the documentary: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

Wow, so you never actually thought about it before taking a losing team and trying to revive them, knowing that if you failed then it would be a long way to go down?

It was a dream to do something like that. I'm a massive football fan and the appeal of trying was more alluring that the risk of failure.

Ahh, you wanted to achieve your goal no matter what it took, i salute you for that

Thanks man! Also, we really wanted the players to experience something. They inspired us to persevere.

Ye are fucking legends. Do ye consider yourselves skilled at football, like have any trials or anything?

Paul is actually in shape and played semi-pro. I scored a hatrick in the garden against my niece recently.

Is your niece pro or...?

Hahaha - quality. She is a pro at taking massive dumps. Adorable little thing really.

were you on soccer am?

Yes. My partner in crime, Paul Watson, was on Soccer AM. http://www.socceram.com/story/0,21644,13871_7506247,00.html

I really and truly love what you have done. Donations inbound.

Love that enthusiasm. Thanks in advance.

How much tactical instruction did the team need when you got there? Did you have to go over positions, roles, etc. or were they already familiar with that?

Only a few players had the proper tactical experience. Most were just great athletes who wanted to learn. It was a blank slate in some cases and the learning curve was steep! It was funny to see players gravitating to unfashionable position. Gratifying for a coach!

I can imagine. You've done in real life what the rest of us only do in various installments of the Football Manager games. Cheers mate, you've given us a hell of an inspiring story.

I blush. Football Manager definitely inspired me. After one marathon session of playing, a window popped up on the game and told me go have a shower and change my clothes. Seriously!

If this means having to teach the offside rules, though, you have my sympathies. I referee little guys, like 6, 7, 8 years old, and trying to explain to them why they're offsides in a nice, gentle way is like banging your head up against a brick wall.

Sound like you like what you do despite the headbanging! I have massive admiration for youth coaches!

How were you received initially by the players and the locals?

Staring. Lots of staring. Mainly because I was sweating so heavily. I made some great friends on the island, it was tough at first but by the end we were very close.

Well....much closer.

This sounds like Cool Runnings, except for football. Do you see yourself as John Candy? Also, did you guys have a song, like "Pohnpei has a football team" or something?

I ate so much fish and rice that I ended up looking like John Candy. We didn't have a song. I tried to play Prodigy Firestarter in the gym but the boys always changed it to Sean Kingston: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkyhvCdJ_vM

Pohnpei has a football team Doo dah doo dah Guam's mother's we did ream Doo dah doo dah day

Haha - well - they Guam people were really kind to us so I can't technically endorse that one. But if it hits the terraces - so be it!

Did you get paid for the job? If yes, how much per month?

No we were never paid. It was totally voluntary. Paul had a few flights subsidized and some of our accommodation was pro-rated but no - this was a passion project. Hence why we're both broke!

You're kidding me!

Nope. That's why we're trying to raise money for the documentary. We haven't got a penny left! http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

Recruiting players and bridging the enormous cultural gap to instill a professional discipline needed to compete at international level wasn't any easier.

I'd love to hear more about how you got the professional discipline instilled into them. I don't assume that they were professional footballers, so how often was training?

We trained every day - especially in the build up to the tournament in Guam. 5 am gym sessions and then afternoon training sessions. The trick to getting people to play like professionals is to treat them like professionals. THAT really freaked them out and they felt like they had to rise to the occasion! Whole story is in the documentary: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

So what was the final score against Guam?

edit: says here you guys lost 0-3?

http://www.coyneair.com/pages/pohnpei-soccer-news/39/

We lost against the Guam national side. We beat local Premier League Crushers 7-1. That was Pohnpei's first ever competitive victory. They even had some Guam nationals in their lun-up so that was especially sweet.

Need a water boy? I'm unemployed and drinking is my specialty.

You are exactly as qualified as I was when I took the job!

Where are you from?

I just moved from a first world country to a third world country myself...

Assuming you are from a first world country, what did you find were the major differences? What shocked you about Pohnpei?

Great question. Communication was obviously a big deal as their English wasn't as fluent as we had imagined. The major shock was the speed of things. Imposing a western sense of urgency is a challenge. The cumulative effect of the heat and the humidity on your psyche was also a big shock! I was sweating like a snowman in a microwave!

Oh, BTW, i am from London. Come on you Spurs!

Come on you Spurs! I noticed a Spurs jersey on one of the locals in the video; was it originally yours?

Yes, I am a massive Spurs fan. I made sure we brought over a bunch of Spurs kits on our first trip to indoctrinate them nice and early. Although we had to PAY for them! Yeovil and Norwich gave them for free!!

So with your credentials turning around the world's worst team, are you being considered for the England job?

I am - yes. My tactic of beating Guam at all costs really impressed them.

USMC had a similar mindset in 1944.

HAHAHA - heck yes they did.

How the hell do you get 3rd degree sunburns?!

Snorkeling.

Elaborate? Still impossible in my mind.

Hopefully, it means you'll never try it!

Well, I teach people about burns and I never thought it possible for someone to get 3rd degree sunburns. Unless you're unconscious, how is it possible to not protect yourself by the time you get 2nd degree? How do you not realize that "holy shit, it burns" feeling by 2nd degree to let it progress to 3rd degree, well below the dermis?

Hindsight is 20:20, my friend!

did a doctor actually tell you it was a 3rd degree burn? because 3rd degree is a lot worse than most people think. 3rd degree sunburns are nearly impossible.

definition and description of a 3rd degree burn

Of course not. It was self-diagnosed.

You know I'm a fan and supporter of the project, are you planning on doing more football based docuementary type films in the future?

Kieran! Our top supporter! You should check out the amazing posters this guy did for us on http://www.thesoccermen.com/gallery Yes, Kieran, this is the first project of hopefully many. Thanks for your enduring support!

How epic was your training montage? What was the background song to said montage?

Who was the antagonist who saw that he was wrong all the way, and then started the slow clap that will escalate into thunderous applause for the underdog?

Here is the first video we made about the project: this should answer the first question. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqr6zJK5bWE&context=C30c32e5ADOEgsToPDskLtZfCDuC5CfRxfddUMkrX-

The antagonist was probably the sports minister who was a bit of a tool. Never helped us at all. The Olympic Committee were amazing though.

Awesome! Though, isn't Pohnpei part of the Federated States of Micronesia? Just a little confused as to how Pohnpei's team is a national team.

Pohnpei is part of the FSM, yes but when we were playing Guam there were no team in the other states. We proudly represented the country as a whole. Now that football has grown on the other islands, it will be a more diverse group when the FSM team plays. You have to start somewhere.

Hey, that sounds amazing. I have two questions. Are you still coaching there? What system did you play?

We are no longer coaching the team. I may return this summer for a guest appearance at the Micronesian games but that is TBD! We played standard 442. We encouraged the wing backs to overlap and played a deep line.

Congrats on your win! Did the players have full time jobs as well? What was the age-range of the team?

This is sort of a reverse Jay DeMerit story. He did a lot of fundraising to release his movie as well.

Thomas Rongen from American Samoa beat Tonga for the first time in nearly 20 years. Y'all should talk!

Btw, you should tweet Grant Wahl (US soccer primo-journalist) about this. And Ives Galarcep.

Great idea. Thanks. I know the DeMerit guys but I will get in touch with those soccer journos. If you could Tweet them as well recommending us that would be great! @thesoccermen is our handle.

I saw Paul on Soccer AM the other day, and looked up your story. Really inspiring!

How many hours of Football Manager experience did you put on your CV when you applied?! ;)

I had a problem at university with Football Manager. I needed an intervention.

I'm in that exact situation right now!

Send the disk home to your family. They care for you and want what's best.

Which managers did you take inspiration from? Who gave the halftime team talks? or was it a good-cop/bad-cop delivery?

I love coaching. I doubt anyone would hire me in a paid position though! I think Paul has had his fill. You can Tweet him to know for sure: @paul_c_watson

Harry Redknapp has got to be someone to look up to. He trusts his players and is a great motivator. It may sound silly but I also look up to boxing trainers like Freddie Roach and Angelo Dundee.

Half time talks were a good cop/good cop routine. We normally felt the same way. If we were both pleased or both pissed off it had a better effect than being discordant!

So what are you going to do now? Keep coaching them?

No, we handed over the reigns to the locals. Now I am focused on raising the money to finish the documentary: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2028948731/the-soccermen

Have you seen the Korean movie Barefoot Dream? It's quite similar to your story.

I'm checking it out now.

Is there anything beer can't do?!

Not sure. I'll keep looking though.

What is your England starting XI?

I make no apologies for the Spurs bias. Get used to it if Harry takes over!

Hart, Ledley King, Michael Dawson, Ashley Cole, Micah Richards, Gerrard, Parker, Aaron Lennon, Rooney, Sturridge, Defoe !!!

Were the frogs and boils related?

HAHA. I never got boils but I got 3rd degree sun burns and lost all the skin on my back. Here's the proof - http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=235379006555363&set=a.225415810885016.51887.219995434760387&type=1&theater

Sorry - it's a bit gross

Is there a Federated States of Micronesia team, or does each of the states get their own international team?

At first PNI was the de facto FSM team because there was no soccer on the other islands. But, this project has helped change that. Yap and Chuuk are really improving! Yap especially. Paul Lane is doing a great job.

Do you plan on continuing a career in soccer or filmmaking?

I'm working on a way to combine the two!

Forest are in dire need of a new gaffer! Tempted?

yeah, you guys are struggling right now. Shame - you're a huge club.

was it an official FIFA match?

We are not yet in FIFA so it was not an official match, it was a friendly. Hopefully soon though!

What is the greatest asset of the players you worked with?

They are tough. A tough bunch of guys. Boils, sprains, cuts, bruises - they hardly ever complained.

48 hour flight?! shit, how'd that break down?

( groovy story btw, and good luck with the documentary )

London > Dubai > Manilla > Guam > Chuuk > Pohnpei

Phew exhausting.

Listened to you on Radio 2 the other day. Interesting story.

Thanks! Love Radio 2. Spread the word on facebook about the documentary if you're interested in participating more: http://www.thesoccermen.com/