I'm Josh, and this was my house.

OMG. At least everyone was ok.

If insurance doesn't pay up, it's time to hire a lawyer specializing in insurance issues.

If you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know.

I appreciate it. Thank you. Currently my mom is looking into the insurance lawyer. As to whether we will find the money for it, who knows.

Seriously, lawyer up.

One of the reasons you buy insurance is basically to pay the insurance company to defend you in court.

It should go like this:

-Insurance company pays you, then insurance company tries to extract from your dad as much money as they can.

They're treating it like this:

-You're on your own, take the money from your dad.

Many small business owners buy liability coverage not just for the coverage, but for the legal benefits. You're not just paying for State Farm coverage, you're paying to have State Farm's attorneys on hire if some guy comes up and sues you for something frivolous.

Agreed. It is also complicated by the insurance only able to pay 50% of the actual coverage due to State Laws and the house owner having caused the fire. If it wasn't for Missouri law, they would legally owe us nothing. Absolutely nothing. :(

OMG.

I wish there was something I could do.

You'll get through this. Take care of your mom and other family as best you can. Don't worry about your dad, let the state throw the book at him.

Get through school, get enough skills and education that, if necessary, you can give your mom a bedroom in your apartment/house to sleep in. Whatever you do, don't let this interrupt your studies. Your future higher income will be the greatest asset you have to offer assistance to your mother.

It's an ungodly tragedy, but at least no one died. You'll find a way through this.

It sucks though, because you think of your dad as someone you've known for your whole life. We had a pretty decent family, not a ton of problems, well to do. Then this happened. And thinking of him in jail all alone makes me feel like shit honestly. :(

I understand. Trust me. You're not the only one who's lost dearly close family. :'(

hugs :'(

Yeah, sorry, don't want to drag my life history into this. But you'll get through it hun.

I came out as trans. It's amazing how many family members you've loved your whole life want nothing more to do with you when you announce your'e switching something as fundamental as gender.

Sorry, I really don't mean to threadjack. I've just had a few drinks and it's made me really think of family. :(

It's ok. ^ . ^ My sister is a lesbian. She came out when my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. My parents kicked her out of the house. The relationship there was non-existent for four years. Then she lost her job. She had only returned back to the house and the relationship between them was getting mended when this happens. I don't think there's a chance anymore of that happening. :(

This definitely a lawyer time. Complicated situation. Fair amount of money at stake. Looked like a nice house.

It was quite a bit in worth before the subprime issue. These days it'd be around 450k unlike the 750k before the economic crisis. I'd care less about the worth in so much as the amount of time my mom went to refinishing the woodwork in the whole house (20 years old), repainting the whole entire inside (with a specific theme for each room since she is an artist), and a lot of other stuff.

My names Josh too! My house burnt down too. It sucks two of my dogs didn't get out.

Dude, I feel worse for you then I do myself. Those lil' guys are far more precious then anything I'd have in the house. Makes me wonder what I'd give up, a 3 million dollar sports car or my $75 rescue lab. I'd think the latter. I'm sorry bro.

Thanks. I hope you get through this well too.

I will bro, trust me, I'm not dead yet.

Wait, what?

The first sentence you say pets are most precious.

Second sentence you say you'd give up the pet. Did you mean former instead of latter?

Indeed, the former. Blame the Vicodin I'm taking for my messed up shoulder for that mistake. D:

There must be some place that trades high-expense items for dogs.

Probably, it just wouldn't be the same, ya know? :(

No it wouldn't. People can "clone" dogs and such, but they won't be the same :(

Exactly.

Really sorry to see this.

What was going on in your dad's head that motivated him to do this?

He was mentally unstable. A rage disorder. He did this after he wasn't able to kill my mom to prove to her that material things mean nothing in the end. I don't think it turned out in the way he wanted, but I don't know. Mental issues make understanding already erratic humans even harder. :(

Holy shit I remember this fire, I live off of Foxwood by the Mcdonalds that fucking SUCKS.

Lolwut. D: I'm pretty close to that area now myself for now.

How did the incident affect you personally?

If I said that my friends were keeping me going everyday, I don't know if anyone would believe me. And reddit helps a lot, you would not believe how much /r/aww will make you cry. I am depressed though I guess. My teachers noticed at college and couldn't believe I kept on going last semester. My buddies invited me to go play some football with them, then I dislocated my shoulder. I feel pretty bad about that, cause they all were sad that hanging out with them that one time didn't help much in the end. Even though I had fun. It's like even if I have temporary fun, I just keep on going back home, sitting down, and feeling sad. For myself. I'm still alive, but I don't like it. And I was the luckiest of everyone too. My mom only had her clothes. My sister was at a friends. My dad, I wouldn't know. I was at work when it happened, it was a school day, so I had a ton of stuff with me (my laptop, some books, the knife my grandpa made, ect). My dad I guess had some stuff with him, but nothing now. The house was a total loss. Both vehicles were damaged. The computers weren't salvageable. All of the pictures gone. The videotapes of my sister and I growing up, were right by the fireplace when it occurred. Nothing is left. It just sucks. But we are all alive.

I went through some pretty crazy shit when my parents got divorced. Luckily, someone was near every time my dad went postal so it never went as far as it did with yours (but there were a few occasions with minor causalities). With time it gets better. It took close to a decade for me to feel like I have truly moved on, though I sometimes wonder. If you ever need to talk with someone who has been through crappy divorce fallout, just send me a PM.

Thanks bro, I appreciate that. It sucks to say it, but at least I'm not the only one who has shit like this happen. I wish it didn't, not for me, not for anyone else. :/

What is your favorite thing to order when you are getting Chinese? I am really sorry about what happened; Hope everything starts getting better and the money flows in.

General Tso's. There is a restaurant not far from school I buy it every once in awhile, the owner's know me too, we've had some really random but interesting philosophical conversations.

I'm sorry to hear all that. I've never been in a situation where I've lost my home, but I'm sure it's surreal. I can relate to your situation with your father though. When I was 4, 1989, my mom and I moved to the states from Romania. My biological dad was already here and he abandoned us at the airport. My mom and I lived in a shitty house for a while and I remember one night, I was maybe 5-6, a guy tried to kill my mom. The guy was a friend of my biological father. I don't remember the whole thing, just me and my mom hiding behind a car and then running to some our neighbors across the street.

Anyways, I don't mean to take away from your story. That truly is terrible and I hope your family finds peace from all of this.

That does suck a lot bro. Having to think of killing your father to defend your mother or yourself, that's something I will NEVER put my kid through, ever. I'll kill myself before such a situation happens if it comes down to it.

Sorry this happened to you and your family. What is the next step for you? I hope you do well in school and get on with your life. This is a horrible situation but I hope you and your mother can move on for the better. Best of luck.

I was working towards a PhD in History, but right now I don't know. I might stop at a Bachelors and work until I can figure stuff out. I'm working as it is, so that makes it a bit complicated to figure out what to do.

Very Peculiar.

Ha! Sorry, hope you get a laugh OP.

I don't think anyone except locals will get that peculiar joke... ;D

I giggled!

I did too, I liked teh lollies! ^ . ^

Have you talked to your dad since?

Yes, multiple times.

are you not angry at him?

Quite, but what's the point? That's what I've found so far. Pointlessness.

Sending love from MIMAL's face. :)

I know you said there had been issues before.. but to what scale? Was it general abuse, or worse? And how is your mother coping?

I hope you guys get through this.. and as much as it sucks to feel so betrayed by a parent, just know that you are much better without this person in your life. Don't let it drag you down.

My mother is somewhat coping, but she seems to be broken. A shell of her old self in many ways. The scale was pretty bad, but not many believed how bad it was.

Any signs that your dad was unstable before this incident?

Yes. :( He was seeing a counselor, shrink, ect. Tried to get them to separate, but that didn't work out. She was too scared. She was afraid if they got divorced he'd try to kill her. The cops couldn't do anything. I slept with the 9mm, it ended up melting. The rest of the guns were gone at least. She told him they were getting divorced. This happened afterwords.

fire melts guns?? O_o

The temperature was extremely hot due to the metal shell of the house acting as insulation. As to the gun, yes, it was partially melted.

Read your thread, god, it could have been so much worse. Stay strong, you're the man of the house now...least when your mom gets it back.

Yup, at least we are all alive.

What's your favorite period of history? Which one historical event would you like to have been present at and/or altered? What one trick would you like your dog to learn?

Alexander the Great's invasion of Persopilis would probably be one of the cool historical events I'd like to witness. My favorite period would be the pre-Greek eras, up to and including the Archaic period. Everything else is just as interesting, but very well known, so less mystery. I wish my dog would sleep in my room. He only can sleep when he is in my mom's room by her side anymore.

I live in Missouri. Is there anything I can do to help you? Anything at all. RAOP maybe?

I'm good, and I appreciate the sentiments buddy! :D what is RAOP btw? D:

Random Act of Pizza. Basically I would use the online ordering aspect of your diner of choosing, send it to your address with your preferred toppings and such, and possibly have them write on your box :)

Edit: Also, I never gave you my condolences. Sorry for your house /:

Ahh, I'm good. I work at Mc D's, so my palette is pretty limited to non-greasy food now if I can help it. xD

• How are you doing, generally?
• How are you paying for school? (Personal, I know, but if you're having problems with this then we might have resources to share.)
• Do you have your puppy with you now?
• Are you seeing a counsellor?

I am not seeing a counsellor. I have thought about it, but in the end I have been too busy. School is out of pocket currently. My puppy is with us now. Insurance has kicked in for temporary housing. I do hope that people note that I am not bashing insurance in my original posting, it is just that it is slow. But so is the whole process, including that of the divorce. You want things to be over in situations like this, but it sadly effects you greatly in the long term, and it'll be something you remember the rest of your life.

Do your professors know what is going on?

You should see a counsellor. Try to make the time. It's not very widely publicized on American campuses, but there are systems in place to help people in these kinds of situations. Don't let yourself give in to denial, thinking you can just brush the dirt off your shoulder and keep going.

Too often people think that they have to be able to handle everything solo, and not only is that just now how it is -- it's just not human nature. We're not built like that.

The stress from this is probably effecting you in ways that you're not even consciously aware of at this point. You should inform your professors, if you haven't already, and try to see a counsellor. There is probably a counseling center at your school: use it. Make sure your professors are aware of what is going on; make sure that your work is aware of what's going on.

It will take a long time. Always longer than would be ideal. You'll get through it. There are things that you can do to try to mitigate the situation so that the outcomes are more positive. Doing nothing will always make it more negative, which is why I'm stressing the counseling thing.

If work isn't being understanding, then (honestly, I know this sounds flippant and unrealistic right now, but it's good advice) get a different job -- preferably on-campus. Most campuses have work-study programs, and they tend to be much kinder to students.

Are you living somewhere with her now? Is your father in jail? Does she have a restraining order? (If not, she should get one.)

Yes, she has a restraining order. He is in jail, and nobody wants to post bond for the amount that it has been set. So in theory we are safe. We are living at a safe place currently, so yes. The professors from last semester do, the currents ones probably do not.

I'm glad to hear all this. No one should post bond at this point, even if it were affordable. Often in these cases, the restraining orders don't actually inhibit the person -- so it's good that he's where he is.

Also very glad that your puppy is with you. SO glad the pups made it out. You should probably let the professors know -- this is a big deal. Sorry if I'm getting preachy-sounding -- I've been through some pretty extreme difficulties myself, and would've loved to have had this kind of advice.

If you don't mind my asking: how old are you? You can msg. me if you want, since this is kinda personal info. Or you could ignore the question. :)

19, turning 20 here soon. Sadly I was still a dependent when this all occurred.

This just happend again in Ofallon Missouri, not nearly as violent as your situation, however the loss felt by the children must be something you can relate to. Consider what might happen if you reach out to this family, maybe you can help your healing process by sending a simple kind letter to them. You know how it feels, so something positive you might have to say to them has weight, and it just might make you feel better too. Saying something encouraging to them will certainly let you give yourself permission to be encouraged. If you need a way to turn the corner, a place to look back and say 'that's when things turned around and started getting better', what better memory than a simple heart felt piece of snail mail, for you and for them...

http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/o-fallon-mo-man-charged-with-arson-for-allegedly-burning/article_21bfa109-1427-5f3a-a322-206d7090d942.html

jeez, I wonder what would be the best way to effectively contact them. I wish I could just give em all hugs. :(

Are you and your family receiving supportive counseling?

I would guess so, my mom is at least.

If you can set up a site somehow where people can make small donations i would be glad to help a bit, I dont know how else i could!

I appreciate the sentiment, but sadly I am not willing to accept donations at this point. Thanks however! :D

Glad everyone is ok. What exactly do you think is the source of your depression? Surely having a mentally unstable father plays a role in that, but after some self-reflection do you find yourself relieved to have strayed from that path, or are you worried that you are indeed your father's son? In my more light-hearted experiences I have developed a world view that starkly contrasts that of my entire family, which is undyingly conservative and less tolerant (if you will) than I am. When I consider the gene pool I wonder how I ended up so different than my father, and thinking that I'm NOT all that different is a scary/sad thought. How do you think your father has contributed to your values system?

I don't know yet. It seems to be coming from a few different sources. I still feel confused admittedly, even after all this time to think about it.

How is the insurance company trying to get out of paying for the damage? It's clear that there's a criminal case behind it.

They are being slow about it, that's all. It is understandable given the complexity of the case.

Having no idea at all about american insurance law, I assume the case is complicated maybe, by his name being on the policy?

The issue is that owner of the house purposefully burned it down. Insurance isn't going to do squat, if you intentionally burn down your house.

True.

Do you prefer Cheez wiz or cheese in a can?

Both. Lol.

Thank you Josh. This matter was important.

I found it to be as such also. :3

Im probably too late to get this answered but here goes.

Did the house get set on fire mid assault, or did your dad try to burn your mom alive or what? it just seems so easy to escape a burning house he would have had to tie her down if he thought it was a good idea (although im aware he had a rage disorder and may not be thinking clearly) but still,

Post-Assault. It was retaliatory in her escaping. She was getting beaten up with a cast-iron skillet. Then she managed to fend him off enough to escape. He through it at her, hit her in the back of the leg causing severe damage, but she made it to a neighbors house.

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I don't know honestly. At this point, I don't know what will provide closure, if that is even possible. I'd rather just move on.

what is the single thing you would have chosen to save from the fire?

Good question. It probably would have been my mom's computer. I had backups of my own. Her's, not so much. It had a lot of memorabilia in it. The 9mm would be useful if I wanted revenge, but I figure it's better that it wasn't salvageable. Revenge would be a moot action to take anyways.

In the spirit of asking some questions to keep this AMA related, I have a few:

• What was the one thing that didn't make it out of the house that you wish had?
• Is there anything gone that you're glad is gone? (for example, the house I am renting has a mold problem on one wall and it keeps recurring. If that house burned down, I'd be sad about my stuff but relieved that the mold problem was gone)
• Do you feel less attached to material objects now?
• Are you interested in continuing a meaningful relationship with your father after all of this?

I can't imagine anything being much more devastating than your house you grew up in burned down by your own parent. My utmost condolences to your family. :/

Other then my Bible, I wish that my books, specifically Lord of The Rings books survived. I had the whole series, 50th anniversary edition and signed. I loved reading through them once a year. Ender's Game also. I am glad my couch is gone, I always went to sleep reading on it. I don't know whether I am more attached or not, honestly I'm more worried about other things to have really thought about that as of yet. I wish that I could, but that relationship was, literally, burned. I don't know if it can be recovered.

Wow, I would also be sad about the LOTR books. I love my books but none of them are of any particular worth.

I'm sorry about the relationship with your father. I feel like that would be a serious case of betrayal.

One more question, if you can... what is the most interesting thing you've learned in getting your history degree?

Sadly I'm not very far along, but I was extremely interested in the issues of the Linear A and Linear B translations, and the issues that still persist with Linear A.

I didn't think insurance covered burning down your own house?

Hopefully your Mom gets every penny in the divorce.

Missouri law finds that insurance has to cover 50% in cases like this where domestic violence is involved.

Missouri law finds that insurance has to cover 50% in cases like this where domestic violence is involved.