I'm doing this in response to a comment I left on another post. I guess I unintentionally hijacked the post and felt that it should be moved here to answer all the questions being asked. The link to that comment is here. It has the video from the news report and proof that it's me in it. So I guess all that is left to say is AMA.

Edit: Alrighty then. It's been a good 2 and a half hours now and I appreciate all the comments and questions. Thanks for all the good will and funny jokes. I had a lot of fun with this but I got laundry and some housework to do. Take care reddit and keep being awesome.

Comments: 1359 • Responses: 43  • Date: 

lbinator552 karma

Do you have any trouble finding a pair of pants that fit over top of those massive balls?

suburbanhero22412 karma

Nah. Sweatpants work great lol.

lets_discuss_ur_butt356 karma

Has the experience made you more fatalistic and open to doing dangerous things? If so, want to get fucked by a strange man from the internet?

suburbanhero22192 karma

Not so much. I pretty much have the same desire to do dangerous things as I did before that incident. And no thanks on the strange internet man rendezvous.


take a chance man

dandaman352100 karma

Yeah, seems legit.

Bad_Sex_Advice80 karma

He could get pregnant, though.

suburbanhero22106 karma

Well in high school I took one of those internet "Are You Pregnant?" quizes. Apparently I'm having twins but for some reason I haven't had them yet.

speakez279 karma

What were you protecting? Why not just give him the money?

suburbanhero22802 karma

It's really hard to explain but since I thought it was fake, it was a matter of honor or principle. I wasn't going to let some asshole take anything from me using a toy. If I had realized it was a real weapon, I'd have definitely given him the money.

[deleted]62 karma

I'm a former 7-11 employee who worked for over four years and I'd just comply with the robber if I was ever in such a situation, as that's what we're supposed to do regardless of whether the gun is real or not. I couldn't give a shit how much dollars 7-11 loses. It's not worth risking my life over.

llumpire132 karma

7-11 Store Manager here, this is the correct response. Just give up the damn money, it is company policy. Whether or not you think the gun is real, just give up the money. Losing $100 isn't going to hurt 7-11. (or you boss if the store is Franchised). Im going to get downvoted to hell for this, but if you were an employee of mine, OP would have been fired for not following company policy of complying with the robber.

suburbanhero2279 karma

Honestly I agree with you. It was just that as soon as I thought it was fake, I felt insulted that he would actually try something like that on me. I just felt that I had to defend my dignity. It's really a hard thing to explain.

Korporate247 karma

You said you didn't see any bullet holes and you thought the gun was plastic. What was going through your mind when you found out that the gun was real?

suburbanhero22505 karma

Well when he first shot, I noticed that the gun barely made a sound. I glanced up to where I thought he shot and didn't see any hole. That's when I thought "This asshole is trying to rob me with a toy cap gun. Aw hell naw". I stood up and started telling him off and he eventually left. When the cops pointed out the bullet holes to me, I was like "Shit. Maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to do." I was a little shaken that it was real but I just told myself that it's over, you're ok, and then just started getting on with my night.

Manly_Engineering171 karma

Were you even supposed to be there that day?

suburbanhero2290 karma

Yeh. I work every weeknight.

chaseiam148 karma

how fresh are the taquitos? and should i eat them?

suburbanhero22210 karma

Never. I usually give them away for free on my shift because of how old they are. Anyone who is willing to risk that deserves that much at least.

[deleted]71 karma

I'm a former 7-Eleven employee here and I always did a write off whenever the Taquitos got too old and threw away the old ones and made fresh ones. Same with all the hotdogs.

suburbanhero22119 karma

I do that but instead of tossing them, I give them out to people who want them. Why let them go to waste even though they kill you.

skyroof_hilltop135 karma

When you show the video to women, do you get insta-laid?

suburbanhero22234 karma

It's happened twice. I don't go out too much because of school and work but I've been able to use that a couple of times.

joekamelhome107 karma


SpraynardJKruger156 karma


suburbanhero22101 karma

Yes! A thousand times YES!

mcredson106 karma

Were your browsing on reddit on your laptop before he threw it on the ground? Also, why not take your laptop?

suburbanhero22139 karma

No I believe I was on Facebook. I didn't discover reddit for about 6 months after that. I don't know why he didn't take it. It is a pos but it still works great.

Supersimmo99 karma

What would you do if a gun-wielding robber attacked your store tomorrow?

suburbanhero22175 karma

Depends on if he has a convincing enough weapon lol. In all seriousness though if it happened again I probably won't push my luck.

cb1234454 karma

See you tomorrow bro.

suburbanhero22190 karma

I don't work till Sunday night.

[deleted]98 karma

Even though you didn't flinch, did you at least feel scared or panicky during this incident?

suburbanhero22199 karma

During the whole incident, I was confident that it was a toy so I was in no danger. It's hard to explain but once my mind was set on it being fake, I just started yelling at him and was basically just pissed he would try something like that.

Coupon8993 karma

I know you never got the rest of your shift off, but did you receive a thing like a reward? Maybe a free soda.

suburbanhero22154 karma

I get all the free big gulp, slurpee, coffee and taquitos I want just for working there. But no, I didn't receive anything for that.

whackadoo4742 karma

TIL being a 7-11 employee severely lacks benefits

Kinbensha10 karma

He gets free big gulp, slurpee, coffee, and taquitos. That's more than most people get working a cash register.

suburbanhero2214 karma

I'll tell you right now that it really isn't worth it. After about a week you get fed up with all that stuff. I don't even get any of that stuff anymore. I switched to tea because that stuff sickens me now.

speqter66 karma

What did the bullets hit?

suburbanhero2296 karma

The first one went into the ceiling, the second one went into the lottery board behind me and the third one went into the card reader in front of me.

notabigtruck52 karma

Ever have any fears/concerns that he'll come back?

suburbanhero2268 karma

For a few days I did but once I heard he had moved on to a different city I wasn't too worried about it. I was like his 4th robbery out of about 5 or 6.

Boobcake32 karma

How did you know he moved away? Did he ever get caught?

suburbanhero2258 karma

News reports the next couple of days talking about how he robbed a couple of other stores in other cities. As far as I know, he was never caught.

captainpixystick19 karma

If he ever gets caught, do you wish him a harsh punishment? Also, do you know if he's actually capable of shooting someone during a robbery?

suburbanhero2246 karma

Nah. I really don't have hard feelings towards him. He's just a prick.

suburbanhero2219 karma

Love it :D

djdiggla51 karma

That's against company policy. Did they fire you?

suburbanhero22112 karma

No. My boss lectured me for a bit but the company was more mad about me doing the news interview. Apparently that is also against company policy.

Tinkerboots112 karma

'You didn't let our stuff get stolen??? WTF man!! THAT'S AGAINST COMPANY POLICY TO BE A BADASS'

robert_penis38 karma

No, it's probably against company policy to ask an employee to put their life on the line over $30 and a bag of chips.

mugsnj11 karma

Those signs that say the registers don't have more than $30 at night... pretty much a lie. A roll each of quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies is $17.50, leaving $12 for bills. What do you do if someone gives you a $20 bill? You can hit a button to get 1s or 5s out of the safe and drop the 20, but then you can't hit that button again for ~10 minutes (so someone can't clear the money out of the safe in a robbery).

suburbanhero224 karma

There's usually around 60 bucks in the drawer most times. But he had come in just after check out so I barely had 40 bucks in my drawer at the time.

SpaceManAndy51 karma

Just one question: Why? Do you feel the 7-11 is worth protecting more than your life?

suburbanhero22107 karma

It was the state of mind I was in. Since I thought that it was a fake gun, I wasn't really concerned about the store's money, I was more pissed that he would actually try to rob me with a toy. I wasn't going to let someone disrespect me that way. A man's gotta have his dignity at least.

SpaceManAndy90 karma

Hahaha, oh man. First of all, congrats on being a badass. Second, I think you need to seriously investigate the possibility that you live in a sitcom.

suburbanhero22127 karma

Well I do hear staged laughter out of nowhere when I make a lame joke sometimes. This explains a lot.

EnlightenedDarkness36 karma

AMA Request : Robber who shot at you 3 times

suburbanhero2227 karma

That would make my day.

DancesWithHitler34 karma

Do you plan on using this story to attract females?

suburbanhero2272 karma

I have and it has worked a few times.

zamboniman4632 karma

what is the store's policy on handling hold ups? if your actions went against it, did you face any disciplinary action?

suburbanhero2274 karma

I basically did everything you're not supposed to do but somehow I didn't get fired.

zamboniman4623 karma

how would you have felt if they let you go knowing that you put your ass on the line for them?

suburbanhero2241 karma

I don't know. Probably a little mad at first but I was told that I would have a job by some of my regulars if I were to get fired from there. So that was reassuring.

CreepyScoutmaster26 karma

Any aftershock?

suburbanhero2247 karma

The first few hours I was pumped up on adrenaline but after that I pretty much just went back to business as usual. I didn't want this to affect me in such a way that I couldn't go on with my life.

CreepyScoutmaster22 karma

Pretty awesome. You didn't even take the rest of the day off.

suburbanhero2237 karma

I wasn't offered the rest of the night off but I was so pumped with adrenaline that it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.

volaray63 karma

Weren't offered the rest of the night off?!?!?! You were fucking SHOT at.

suburbanhero22102 karma

Bosses can be dicks.

dsotm7520 karma

Do you think that he was actually going to shoot you, or was it an intimidation thing that he tried on you?

suburbanhero2229 karma

I think it was more of an intimidation thing. He didn't fire his gun at any of the other stores he stood up. I was the only one that didn't do what he said so he just tried to up the ante I guess.

tortelloni19 karma

I've been in this 7-11 several times before. Small world. Smaller downriver.

suburbanhero2217 karma

Unless you come in on weekday nights you probably won't see me there lol.

[deleted]18 karma

I can't watch the video ( at work ) what did you say to him?

suburbanhero2242 karma

Basically it was along the lines of: Seriously you're not getting anything from me with that toy gun. GTFO. Just stuff like that.

[deleted]15 karma

Were you ever trained on what to do if someone tried to rob you?

suburbanhero2226 karma

There's a checklist on the registers. I always read it too but when this happened, it was pretty much the furthest thing from my mind.

srshk2137 karma

so whats on the checklist?

Mortazel18 karma

  1. Dodge bullets
  2. Mock robber
  3. Save our Profits!

suburbanhero2216 karma

How'd you get a hold of the list.

SpermWhale16 karma

If Oprah will buy something on 7eleven, what do you think would it be?

suburbanhero2246 karma

We got these nifty remote helicopters so she might buy some of those.

unknownseven16 karma

What did your family/friends think after the incident?

Were they upset that you risked your life or just felt proud?

suburbanhero2226 karma

My friends called me a dumbass, badass, and other such things. When I told my mom about it the first thing she said was " Is the laptop alright?" I was laughing so hard at her on the inside but everyone was concerned for the most part. After a while, it has just become a big joke that we bring up every once in a while.

bigwormbigperm0015 karma

How long have you been a 7-11 employee? Why are you a 7-11 employee? And have they hooked you up with anything for protecting the store like a raise, free slushies?

suburbanhero2239 karma

I've been there almost 5 years now. I had to work there as a second job to help support my family when my stepdad bailed on us for a summer. When I got offered full time and a raise I was able to quit my other job and make just as much working only there. I pretty much stay there instead of getting a new job because it works so well around my school schedule plus I get paid to basically browse reddit all night.

jkahrs59515 karma

Why do you think he refrained from just shooting you in the face?

suburbanhero2235 karma

He wasn't a killer. He was probably some douche looking for a quick buck. Deep down, if I knew that this was the only time he did that, I would like to think that he was just desperate to support his family or what not and this was the last resort for him. But since I know that he hit up several other stores, he is just a prick.

EndGame89689 karma

I like how nobody considers the fact that maybe you weren't defending 7-11, and maybe just lost your shit at the piece of shit that was pointing a gun at you.

suburbanhero228 karma

Thank you. It wasn't necessarily that I lost my shit because he pointed a gun at me. When he first shot it seriously sounded like a cap gun. It wasn't loud or anything and I didn't find any bullet holes at the time so I assumed it was a fake gun. Once that thought was in my head I was pissed that this guy was trying to rob me with a toy gun which I wasn't going to take very lightly. If I had realized it was real at the time, I would have just given the money. I was defending my dignity.