I was homeschooled and kept socially isolated by my grandmother until I was 20, AMA

*what was the hardest part of adjusting to the outside world?

*if its not too personal, could you explain how you came to be adopted by your grandma?

*did you remain in contact with your grandma at all post-moving out?

what was the hardest part of adjusting to the outside world? Probably the social aspect. At first social contact was extremely hard, looking people in the eye while talking to them was nearly impossible, and when faced with foreign social situations I would have panic attacks and just shut down.

I didn't make many friends at first either. I realize now I must have been very obnoxious and annoying, having no familiarity with how to behave in social situations.

if its not too personal, could you explain how you came to be adopted by your grandma?

My mom was addicted to hard drugs and living on the street alot. Lost custody of me. As a side note, she kinda ran away from home as a teenager to escape my grandmother, and fell into the wrong crowd so to speak.

did you remain in contact with your grandma at all post-moving out?

Hardly at all for the first couple years, I would just get angry being around her. Now, I see her off and on, shes not doing too well health wise. A bit of dementia, heart problems, and needing help taking care of stuff. Shes also on medication now.

From the sounds of it, I don't blame your mother for running away. Do you know what happened to her/is your half-sister from your mother or father's side?

I finally met her a year or so ago, shes been clean for a good while, and is doing pretty well despite lasting health and mental problems from years of hard drug abuse. We have good relationship, altho I dont feel a parental bond with her. My half-sisters are from my moms side.

She do anything to your butt?

haha, I see what you did there ;)

But, serious answer, I got spanked alot.

and I felt physically unable to disappoint her in any way.

The hardest part, as I'm sure you figured out, is just leaving. I was in a similar situation once upon a time. I'm glad you're out.

How are you doing now?

I feel like I am a Normal Person these days. Its really the past 1 1/2 year that I feel I've really come into my own and started developing into my own person.

Some things linger, I'm still mildly socially awkward, but not outstandingly so. I have some difficulty with relationships. Im pretty normal I think, usually when I get to know a friend for a while and I mention my childhood, they say they would never have guessed.

How are you with religion now?

Agnostic I suppose. I don't believe in God, but I don't really care enough to be an Atheist.

There is a term for that. Apatheism

This kinda sums up my philosophy, lol http://i.imgur.com/uMzwj.jpg

How did you/have you developed sexually?

Initially I felt I did not really have a sexual identity I guess, never having received any sex education, or being around other people to develop an attraction in that way.

Shortly after moving out, I met a guy, I was considering myself bisexual at the time. Not having any real friends, and I jumped at the opportunity to have someone to feel close to. Ended up turning into over a year and half of manipulation, and draining of my few finances as he took advantage of my insecurities. He basically replaced my mental dependence on my grandmother.

Long story short, he was psycho, we broke up, I'm straight as fuck (we barely had sex). Have had a few short term relationships (with GIRLS lol) since. Still kinda awkward when it comes to initiating relationships however.

Did you ever discover fapping? How did that go?

Yeah, I don't remember how old I was however haha. I do remember it was to nude paintings in an art book that somehow my grandmother passed over. Goyas the Nude Maja to be specific. My first wank was a classy one, haha ;)

Fun fact about that painting, actually. In the time this was made painters weren't allowed to show pubic hair or they'd be killed (it was considered pornography), so that's why this lady has no pubes! Cheating the system.

Ahead of his time! Haha

When you first got access to the internet, what websites were the most eye-opening? Which were your favorite?

I cant remember alot of the websites I used to visit. I spent a fuckload of time on IRC though. And some website that had freeware DOS games and demo downloads.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/ was the website that really got me into studying comparitive religion and developing my own beliefs or lack thereof.

developing my own beliefs or lack thereof.

so you're atheist now? that seems pretty impressive given your incredibly religious upbringing.

edit: this sounds condescending. it's not meant to be.

Pretty much. Its just that once I realized everything I was raised on was a crock, I had to start over, and I just discovered everything for myself, analyzing it and deciding what made the most rational sense.

did she use any specific curriculum?

how drastic was your worldview change upon moving out?

how were you able to go online without her noticing? (IE clogging up phone line)

No, no regular curriculum.

Quite a bit, it took me a long time....basically viewed it as starting from a blank slate kinda. None of the worldview I grew up with has stuck with me.

Waiting for her to go to sleep, or just pretending to not know why the phone was making weird noises. She had no way of knowing what the dial up sounds meant.

[deleted]

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/oyfcf/i_was_homeschooled_and_kept_socially_isolated_by/c3l31u7

Are you currently in therapy? Have you tried reaching out to others who've had the same situation?

No, it might have helped during my transition period however. I don't know how much therapy would help at this point, I think I've gotten over most of it now by simply viewing it as "over and done with dont let it affect you going forward". I've also studied some psychology, since I have a fascination with what makes people do crazy/weird things, and I'd say I've been able to usually look at myself, see what I need to change. If that makes sense.

Haven't run into anyone who was in the same situation, and haven't really felt the need to reach out like that I guess.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm really happy to hear you've put it past you. That's very inspiring.

Thanks! Honestly at this point, it all seems like a distant memory. And then I stumble across old diary entries, or whatnot, and see the dates, and am like Holy Shit that was just a few years ago, I don't even know that person anymore.

I've heard stories about people who come out of families like the one you described, and cults, too, and they just seem hollow- wounded shells of former people. It's heartbreaking.

I bet a lot of people just aren't as strong and as focused as you were. Amazing!

For a long time I felt like a cardboard cutout of a person, and kinda created a personality for myself by the way I dressed and the music I listened to. Lately though I've really started feeling like I have my own distinct personality.

Could you elaborate more on your education beyond intense bible study? Did you learn any math/science/history/language/etc...?

Basic math....I am terrible at math and was unable to learn Algebra or anything above by myself. Some science, all creationist based, history was all from a Christian perspective (America founded on Christian principles, etc).

Doesn't the state have requirements for home school curriculum and testing? Your gram couldn't just fake it could she?

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/oyfcf/i_was_homeschooled_and_kept_socially_isolated_by/c3l31u7

When you finally moved out from living with your grandmother how did you spend your first night living alone? Also, what was the job you managed to get?

I had roommates so it wasnt alone. My first job was at a hardware store, where I promptly got fired a month or so in due to my inability to function socially. Started working at a coffee shop after that, I have no idea how I was able to get that job, but being forced to interact with people every day for 8 hours fast tracked my socialization abilities.

Do you have any contact with your family, and to what extent, including the sister that gave you the computer?

Yes, I am really close to my two step-sisters, and have met my other family members and we all get along pretty well.

Lose your virginity yet?

If not, dont get too excited. The first time is usually a huge letdown.

Yeah.

Have you gotten a GED? What future education/career plans do you have?

I have my GED. I went to community college for a couple semesters immediately after moving out, failed miserably. I am planning on going back this year, I think I in a position to be able to succeed now. And I feel a desperate need to go to school so I can have a career and what not, I'm 24 and no direction and thats kinda depressing. I don't wanna work fuckin retail hell for the rest of my life, haha.

Isn't there some sort of homeschool advisory board, or something? How did she get away with not teaching you anything? I'm pretty sure where I live parents that choose to homeschool have to prove to someone, somewhere, that their children are getting the equivalent of a K-12 education.

Thanks for the IAmA.

No idea, I know I wasnt allowed to tell random people I was homeschooled, she always stressed that "i would get taken away" if people knew. I know at some point she signed up for some Homeschooling "front". Some kind of certified school or something that would register your kids name so it looked legit.

Do you still sometimes run across things that 'everybody' knows but are new to you?

Are there still things that, even though you're now aware of them, are unsettling or jarring? In social interaction, work, education, whatever.

Did you have any marketable skills when you moved out? Have you gone back to school or otherwise gotten training?

Nothing off the top of my head. Some of my friends have accused me of being pretentious or know it all, simply because I am obsessed with obtaining random knowledge and reading Wikipedia, and always have random facts/input to drop into a conversation.

Hmm...Probably the fact that sexuality isnt really a big deal.

No. I have not gone to school yet, but I plan too. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/oyfcf/i_was_homeschooled_and_kept_socially_isolated_by/c3l2eom

Just so people know, homeschooling isn't ALWAYS that bad. :P

Oh I know. But its used alot to shelter kids from the outside world in order to indoctrinate them into a certain belief system. It seems homeschooling as a healthy alternative to regular schooling has become more prevalent though :)

Are you male or female?

Male

How did you catch back on 18 years of social isolation? There must be a ton of social norms to catch back on. Any examples where you did something that shouldn't be done but you didn't know?

I would latch on to people and be super annoying and not leave them alone. I was very forward and had no sense of tact and would just say whatever came to mind.

I take it from the past tense you used that you don't do this anymore. How long did it go on?

Not sure...a year or two? And yeah I dont do that anymore. Much more socially well adjusted these days.

When did you discover THE GAME?

fuck i lost

Did your grandmother ever teach you to be racist or prejudice in other ways? If yes, do you still feel that?

Stuff like Dont stare at black people, they might shoot you, or You cant trust mexicans to make your food cuz theyre a dirty people. Stuff like that. And being extremely anti-illegal immigrant...like supporting a armed border fence and English Only shit.

What was your first experience with Reddit, or how did you learn about this after all those years. Do you appreciate the anonymous nature of the internet seeing with what you've been through?

Haha, I love the internet. I used to spend so much damn time online....The things I've seen 0.0 haha

Have you discovered video games? If so, do you like them? What's your favorite game?

I love video games. Don't play them much recently, just way too busy, turned into more of a casual gamer. I played a lot of Black Ops after it came out, but still havent picked up MW3. And recently a lot of MvC3 with my roommate.

Some of my favorite games of all time would be HL2, Fallout, Shadow of the Colossus, Unreal Tournament/Quake, GTA, C&C, Deus Ex. Ive played a lot of COD, but i wouldn't put it on a favorites list. My favorite game Ive played recently would be Bayonetta and Uncharted. Havent played alot of new games though.

Based on your username, I assume you discovered Battlestar Galactica?

Fucking love that show. First two seasons were pure magic. Didn't really dig the plot arc as the show concluded, but still loved it because in the end the show was really about the characters, and the character development was awesome.

Other than being isolated from the outside world, was there any abuse?

Not any abuse. Punishment for things would usually be spanking, sleeping on the floor in the laundry room for several days, or writing 50 page essays about what I did wrong.

...sleeping on the floor in the laundry room for several days

I think that would be considered abuse.

You also said your Grandmother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. So looking back at it, how obvious were the signs, and did other people notice her strange behavior? And who all knew you were being socially isolated by her? Did anybody ever call Child Protection?

It wasnt really abuse when compared to the toll the mental manipulation I went through. In my opinion.

Then those two things together would definitely be called abuse, at least by most people.

Edited my OP and added in a few questions right before you responded.

I guess. Considering It didnt effect me so much in the end, I have a hard time calling it abuse in my case when u read about kids being physically beaten, molested and shit by their parents.

I don't know how many people knew, I know she had very few friends, and pretty much alienated herself from all of her relatives for the most part.

My sisters were concerned for me, but were not often allowed to see me, and as I got older, hardly at all. When they did see me, I was not in the frame of mind or understanding to say anything negative or realize the way I was being raised wasnt normal.

CP was never called, there was never any reason. Only thing that happened was When I was 8~10 she smacked me in the parking lot of a store and cops showed up to the house that night. I was given a whole song and dance to make sure they werent suspicious.

Any highschool crushes?

my hand

Do you support yourself entirely with your current job, or do you have another source of income/savings? Also, is your relationship with your grandmother good enough at this point that she'll leave you anything? I don't mean to be so callous, but from a legal standpoint, she's sort of liable for your financial wellbeing in some ways...if the majority of her money/belongings go to anyone but you when she passes, I'd consider that a pretty massive injustice lol. Either way, it sounds like you competently absorbed a lifetime of social education in a matter of a few years, so Bravo.

I work two jobs, and am able to support myself albeit paycheck to paycheck.

I highly doubt I will get anything from my grandmother. The inheritance was always something that was held over my head like a carrot. If I obeyed her forever and was the perfect person in her eyes I would get it. She has no legal shit set up either, and her mental health is deteriorating so its anyones guess.

you need a lawyer, dog. Sounds like something someone might jump on Pro Bono, too.

I dont really care personally. Distanced myself enough and that distance and the relative calm in the family right now is worth whatever I might end up losing inheritance wise.

From a mother's perspective, I wish i could just hug you and make all the bad stuff go away. My heart goes out to you. Finding a good therapist can be tricky, but finding a good one can be very helpful. You don't sound like you're filled with anger. How do you manage that?

I dunno....I'm just not I guess. For me...Its in the past and theres no sense getting hung up on the past and letting it affect you.

The only time Im kinda bitter is when I think about how I could have gone to and graduated high school, and be in college now, and hopefully on a path to a successful career like a lot of the people my own age I know.

But whatever, Im not the only person who wasnt able to go to college straight away, and when I do I will be more dedicated and put more value into it than some people.

What are your favorite things to do now? What one thing do you wish your grandmother had exposed you to?

Thanks for sharing.

Listening to music, watching movies/tv shows, and browsing random shit online. I also snowboard/ski, rock climb, and love going to concerts, especially electronic music shows.

I don't know if there is just one thing...I was kept from experiencing so much.

What kind of music? Apparently, you start to develop your own musical taste when you're 14 or so.

Only music my grandmother had was Frank Sinatra and classical music. After I got internet access, some of the first music I listened to was Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Johnny Cash, Depeche Mode, and AC/DC.

My current musical tastes... I like a lot of electronic music, everything from trip hop to synthpop, electro house, trance and dubstep. Personal feeling music like later Cash, Leonard Cohen, Elliot Smith and Nick Cave. Death/doom metal, dbeat, Electric Wizard, Amon Amarth, leftover crack, Bathory. Folksy indie stuff like She & Him, Magnetic Zeros, Arcade Fire.

in general, anything that was extremely out of the ordinary? ecxessive (sp?) spanking, strange OCD-type rules, or paranoid delusions?

Biggest things would be seeing physical manisfestions of God/Jesus, having God talk to her in dreams, and seeing ghosts/spirits. And the ability to see peoples "auras" or the "evil" inside people. She was also very against hospitals and doctors, claiming they would "tell her she was crazy and commit her".

Sure enough, when me and my sister finally got her to go to the hospital about a year ago, for the first time in decades, where she eventually got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, she tried to escape from the hospital twice.

she sounds quite schizophrenic, i don't mean that in a bad way. i don't know if you have researched schizophrenia at all, but what other sorts of symptoms did you notice from her? did she hear voices? or actually see hallucinations? if so what were they like?

She would always tell me stories..some of the more memorable ones:

-During a visit to Israel, walking on the beach and seeing Jesus plain as day, who then dissipated into thin air

-Being in an elevator, having the elevator stop, her body being paralyzed and having God talk to her.

-Multiple dreams where God talked to her

-Out of body experiences

-Claiming to see foreshadowings of the future...one time she saw somebody come up to her and have a whole conversation about some event that just happened, and then an hour later the same person come up to her and the same events transfold and the previous encounter was non existent

-Seeing the ghost of a dead relative

-being cured of "inoperable cancer" by psychic healing

--As a kid, having God shine a light down from the sky to guide her home when she got lost miles from home

-As a kid she reportedly would talk about experiences she had in past lives

I could go on

What was your reaction the first time being exposed to spongebob?

I'm familiar with the show due to its prevalence in pop culture, but I've never actually watched it.

What was the first thing you did after leaving?

Upon actually moving out? Bought a 42" plasma and a ps3.

Sweet. Did your grandmother support you financially at first?

Nope. Moved out with $1000 saved up, credit card, and a backpack of clothes and misc essentials.

How'd you get the money?

Had worked for a couple months by that time, saved it up.

Did you know of the existence of drugs and alcohol?

Did you experiment with them after you left? If so, what was your first experience like?

Yes, but I was raised with the belief that all drugs were evil and what not.

I have experimented with drugs. I smoke weed fairly regularly. My first time smoking weed was very memorable, melting into the couch and losing track of time, and then riding my bike home while my brain kept forgetting my arms and legs existed.

When you say your grandma home schooled you how much did you actually learn?

Were you at an extreme disadvantage (knowledge-wise) compared to your peers when you left?

Have you or do you plan to sought/seek any additional schooling since you left?

Thanks for the AMA, best topic I have seen in a while.

Not too much really :/ I definitly was at a knowledge disadvantage upon moving out. I've always been really handy, as I did a lot of plumbing/electrical/handywork around my grandmothers house.

I answered the rest here http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/oyfcf/i_was_homeschooled_and_kept_socially_isolated_by/c3l2kxr

Do you resent her for doing that to you?

Little bit. Yes Im at a disadvantage and have had to go to a lot of shit. But what good is being eternally bitter going to do?

Since it's clear your grandmother was trying to instill her own beliefs and views of the world into you, what views and beliefs stick with you today?

None. I can't think of one view or belief she raised me with that stuck with me.

What are your honest opinions of people who are non-Christians? Do you feel nervous around them? Related - do you still go to church?

Thanks for sharing your story, also :)

I am non-Christian myself. I have no religious beliefs. I don't go to church and I didn't go to church when growing up. My grandmother didnt feel any church adequately represented her beliefs.

I have been to church a couple times with my best friend who is Catholic. I enjoy learning about religion, and studied comparative religion on my own quite a bit. As long as your personal beliefs dont affect others and you dont force them on people, Im generally ok with you being religious :)

Where were you raised?

Oddly enough in a suburban area. Although around age 18 my grandmother bought 100 acres in bumfuck Oregon and was preparing to move us there so I wouldnt have to be exposed to the outside world even as an adult. She never ended up moving there though.

You mention your half sisters in the intro. Where did your other siblings end up? Bio dads?

Same mother, different dads.

I saw you say that you were on IRC a lot. Did you make online friends? Who did you first tell online about your living situation (if you did), and how did they react?

You know, since at first I didn't realize my situation was that abnormal, I didnt think to mention it. I would say things that would make people do a double take, and slowly I started thinking "maybe my grandmother is the crazy one".

[deleted]

Answered the first part here: http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/oyfcf/i_was_homeschooled_and_kept_socially_isolated_by/c3l1n9k

I'm pretty comfortable with social situations now :) Tend to be the quiet one sometimes, but a couple beers makes me alot more outgoing :)

What was a typical day with your grandmother like? And how did you guys handle holidays/birthdays?

Wake up, listen to the morning Bible study radio show (some guy named J. Vernon McGee), couple hours to study whatever, then working in the yard or helping renovate the house for the rest of the day, or whatever errands needed running.

I have pictures of me from when I was 10-12 years old helping pour cement, put on roofing, etc. And when I was a bit older I helped do electrical and plumbing on the house.

When I was older she would make me help organize, sort and file her massive stacks of junk mail also.