Hey Reddit,

Mark Lawrenson here with Paddy Power News, who are organising my first ever AMA.

I’m chatting ahead of Liverpool’s Champions League semi-final against Barcelona, and amid their Premier League title race with Manchester City.

Please do ask me anything. About football, life, or moustache style. I'll start answering at around midday UK time.

Proof: https://twitter.com/paddypower/status/1122806923965997056

To read some more of what I have to say, head to: news.paddypower.com

Comments: 1092 • Responses: 72  • Date: 

igotdamaged908 karma

Hi Mark, I hope you're well. I'm a lifelong LFC supporter and a massive fan of yours.
Quick question for you, that has always intrigued me:

When owls have sex, do you think the lady owl ever turns her head 180 degrees so that she's face-to-face with the boy owl when they're doing it doggy style?

IamLawro599 karma

You're a twit-twoo.

napoli5525 karma

Hi Mark. Have you ever wondered who took your high score on the penalty kick simulator at the National Football Museum when it was at Deepdale? If so, it was me.

IamLawro686 karma

Well done you! Would you like a Blue Peter badge?

twatvillareal464 karma

Do ever plan on breaking your undefeated Liverpool prediction streak? I believe you're up to something like 99 in a row Liverpool are unbeaten.

IamLawro561 karma

In a word: no. You saddo.

paultry454 karma

Why are so many pundits ex-Liverpool players?

IamLawro1681 karma

Good question. I think it's because we won every trophy going - so we were always doing interviews. People knew we could speak semi-coherently. We all talk shite anyway.

CobiLUFC366 karma

Hi Mark, If all the Premier League managers had a Royal Rumble, who would be the winner? Smart money must be on Dyche

IamLawro694 karma

There can only be one winner. Sean Dyche. He scares me from 100 yards away

DroppinEnglish357 karma

How are the rabbits? Also could you recommend where to purchase the best priced Belinda Wipes?

IamLawro201 karma

I play in a golf society called the Rabbits, WTF? No on the belinda wipes.

Gloridel340 karma

I'm pretty sure I saw you at a trampoline park in Widnes once, in the last couple of years, or did I dream that?!

IamLawro517 karma

You absolutely did see me. I took my daughter and her four mates.

ChadHogan_304 karma

Hi Mark, would you rather fight one Andy Carroll sized duck, or 100 duck sized Andy Carrolls?

IamLawro2189 karma

100 duck sized Andy Carrolls. Because 95% would be injured anyway.

Cunt_Puffin287 karma

[deleted]

IamLawro477 karma

Barcelona. Messi.

Maneezmo334234 karma

Have you ever tried to break an egg with your dick?

IamLawro307 karma

No. What a knob...

IamLawro210 karma

Not a seagull in sight

IamLawro199 karma

Or, not a bird in sight even

tim119187 karma

Out of all the pundits you have worked with, who is 1, the one you consider to have the least knowledge on football, 2, the most annoying, 3, the smartest with the most knowledge of football?

Regards, Tim.

IamLawro526 karma

  1. Robbie Savage - never has a man been more aptly named
  2. As above
  3. Graeme Souness

Papabearboxhead181 karma

What would you rather this season, win the premier league or win the champions league ? only allowed one!

IamLawro396 karma

Premier League, because it's been so long

reggin2011174 karma

Hi Mark, how difficult is it to prepare for MOTD? Do you actually watch all the games or do you just watch the highlights beforehand? How much of the presenting is on the spot compared to rehearsed?

IamLawro600 karma

A) I'm not a presenter - that's Lineker

B) not been on MOTD for five years

C) Who gives a shit

N7HEA163 karma

Why do you suck the joy out of everything you touch? You could make the most beautiful poem sound like the instructions for making concrete.

IamLawro478 karma

Because I am a miserable bastard.

liableAccount155 karma

Where's your moustache gone?

IamLawro307 karma

On a barbers floor somewhere in Mayfair - never to be seen again. I've seen old pics and it looks like I had a rat across my top lip.

IamLawro147 karma

Thanks everyone for asking me your questions.

Never heard of Reddit before, but now I'm gonna Read-it.

Goodbye.

ShinyJaker146 karma

What does Gary Lineker smell like?

IamLawro601 karma

Cheese and onion crisps

dunkerton135 karma

I will eternally love you for "that was more Swiss Toni than Luca Toni". Did you think that up on the spot?

IamLawro146 karma

Yes I did, I'm glad you liked it

Tortilla636262129 karma

How did it feel to represent Ireland on the International stage?

IamLawro304 karma

Absolutely loved it. It was a promise I made to my grandfather. Played for Preston on the sat, Ireland on the Sunday for my debut and Preston on the Tuesday night!

hashtagthoughtbomb128 karma

Hi Mark, which professional athlete who didn't / doesn't play football do you think would make the best football player, and what position do you think they'd play?

IamLawro404 karma

Mo Farah as a flying winger, but your choice of hotel for him would have to be spot on...

JamieS2201127 karma

Hi Mark, how come in Stuart Little, Stuart can talk to humans and cats in the same language, but cats and humans can’t talk to each other?

IamLawro110 karma

I have absolutely no idea, please tell me if you know?

IamLawro169 karma

WTF, get a life

MyDogHasBarkingsons86 karma

Hi Mark three questions from me:

  1. As an English born Ireland player, what was your take on the Declan Rice situation? Can you sympathize with how it played out or are you more inclined to agree with Kev Kilbane’s hardline opinion?

  2. How does Van Dijk compare to some of the great CBs you played along side, primarily Hansen?

  3. What was your reaction to your cameo in Mike Basset England Manager? Did you know you would be featured and compared to Pelé and Maradona?

IamLawro123 karma

  1. I agree wholeheartedly with Killer's opinion
  2. He's up there
  3. I didn't know, and I'm still waiting for the royalties

oceaux86 karma

Alright, Mark, thanks for doing this.

In general, are you a supporter of using technology in the game, and can you make a prediction of the next evolution of technology in football? After Goal-Line Technology and VAR, where do you see the involvement of tech in the game progressing?

Also, Lineker or Lynam presenting MOTD?

IamLawro115 karma

No idea where tech will go. But I'm a fan of VAR. PS, are you a geek?

tntim6167 karma

My 6 year old grandson is just starting in soccer. What basic skill should he concentrate on? Thank you.

IamLawro255 karma

To be able to kick with both feet - absolute must!

gazzmannuss66 karma

Hi mark, who's winning the league?

Also what are your thoughts on man United's current state?

Cheers la!

IamLawro221 karma

Us. And loving Man United's downfall - long may it continue!!

bryqwdxs61 karma

Did Robin Friday actually do a poo in your kitbag?

IamLawro97 karma

It's bollocks. No.

Beanz_Memez_Heinz61 karma

On a scale of 1-10 (you're currently probably at a 7)

How insufferable are you going to be if Liverpool win the league?

IamLawro165 karma

I'll be an 11.

spoonsandkebab54 karma

Hi Mark, how was the part of your career spent at Brighton? For obvious reasons I think you never seem to be asked about it! What was that squad like, as it was probably our peak as a club?

Cheers for the ama

IamLawro110 karma

Squad was brilliant, we all got pissed at the weekend together. And people forget what an outstanding squad it was

myvirginityisstrong54 karma

Hi Mark,

What did you feel like when your body started declining in the latter stages of your career?

Also what was your experience like playing in the US in the 80s? Was the quality absolutely abysmal? How different were your teammates then compared to the ones you had when playing in the UK?

IamLawro149 karma

Shit.

And to the US question - the standard was National League quality - teammates were part-timers, enough said.

AnnieIWillKnow47 karma

If you could change one rule in football, what would it be, and why?

IamLawro129 karma

Injured players have to leave the field - discuss. You're down to ten men because some fella has tried to cut you in half!

AlaskaFox47 karma

How many orange jelly babies do you think Peter Crouch could stick up his nose?

IamLawro129 karma

Why would do that when you've got Abbey Clancey waiting for you at home!

D1V5H4L46 karma

[deleted]

IamLawro316 karma

Obviously not you

StoneRhino44 karma

What podcasts do you listen to?

IamLawro163 karma

I don't... But my son keeps telling me I need to listen to Athletico Mince...

FFDownUnder77 karma

Your son is correct

IamLawro358 karma

It's the only thing he's got right in his life so far

Jeff-Stelling43 karma

You always seem to be cracking jokes, what is your best joke?

IamLawro220 karma

Try this:

A guy was invited to Buckingham Palace to the Queen's tea party - and just before he met her majesty, he farted, due to his nerves.

And one of her flunkies said to him, 'How dare you fart before the Queen?'

To which he replied: 'Sorry, didn't realise it was her turn!'

ICritMyPants43 karma

What did you think of your performance on the football video game Pro Evolution Soccer between 2008 and 2010?

What was behind the phrases like "WHAT A SHTOOMER!"?

IamLawro107 karma

Can I just say, they were written by a Japenese company, discuss?

McKFC38 karma

Is Naby Keita going to be a success?

IamLawro81 karma

Yes, he's just started to play like a Liverpool player.

AintNoDoubleNegation38 karma

Do you think Manchester United would be a better team if all their players grew a moustache?

IamLawro41 karma

No.

Chaz187136 karma

Hi Lawro, who's the footballer currently playing who you'd most like to smack in the face and why?

IamLawro175 karma

Sergio Ramos - how could it not be?

IamLawro123 karma

And his mate Pepe would be the next!

irish_chippy35 karma

Mark, do you know what a Merkin is?

IamLawro96 karma

Absolutely no idea. And as you probably already know... I don't know what a belinda wipe is either

himy77335 karma

Mark how do you think this Liverpool backline of Trent-Gomez-VVD-Robbo compares to the one you played with in the 1984 European Cup final. (Neal-Lawrenson-Hansen-Kennedy)?

IamLawro81 karma

Almost as good - but you need to win trophies

Benjamin_eyriey34 karma

Hi Mark. Who is the best Lord? Lord of the rings, of the dance, or of the flys?

IamLawro28 karma

Lord of the flies for sure

smthompson33 karma

You heading over to Barcelona, Lawro? I'll get the ale in mate

IamLawro142 karma

No, not made the squad, gutted

smthompson37 karma

I’d have you in over Moreno on the bench to be honest

IamLawro123 karma

Moreno is useless!

fjmb201427 karma

Hi Mark?

Hypothetical question:

Is there any team from the 80's that would be capable of beating the 2014/15 Barcelona?

IamLawro88 karma

Hypothetical answer: Our team of the 80's

himy77326 karma

Mark do you feel Bob Paisley should have been Knighted for his achievements?

IamLawro68 karma

I would say it's an absolute disgrace that he's not been.

pickindim_kmet25 karma

Are there any English teams you secretly support that aren't Liverpool? I'm wanting the answer to be Newcastle

IamLawro87 karma

PNE. They are my team, that's where I started and where my Dad played.

Tough, it's not Newcastle.

joshj2723 karma

Hi Mark

Which of your teammates do you feel would have transitioned best to the modern game with extreme managing of all the physical and dietary specifics , modern interpretations of the laws and increased public personas?

Thanks

IamLawro27 karma

I would go Hansen, Rush, Dalglish or Barnes - it would've been a piece of piss for them

movo37222 karma

Hi Mark,

Who do you think will be the third team promoted to the Premier League?

IamLawro88 karma

Dirty Leeds

Tig2120 karma

Is Roy Keane really as mental as the media makes him look?

IamLawro68 karma

No. There's another side to Roy.

bongocurtis20 karma

As a follow Prestoner, what's your opinion of the famous butter pie?

IamLawro62 karma

Got to correct you, it's Prestonian. But do love a butter pie. I can't believe people don't know about it outside of Preston. Every time I go the match I have one

hattmorner19 karma

Whats one thing people would be surprised to learn about you?

IamLawro87 karma

I'm really funny

pewdiefy17 karma

How does it feel to cross 60s? Your advice to the folks in 20s?

IamLawro65 karma

My advice: never get old, it's a nightmare.

Leo544517 karma

What do you miss most and least about being a professional footballer?

IamLawro43 karma

Most: Being fit

Least: Six hour coach journeys!

AHelloToJasonIsaacs16 karma

Hi Mark, what do you think is the biggest threat to the Human race at this point in time?

Also, would you rather eat chocolate flavoured poo or poo flavoured choclate?

Cheers

IamLawro47 karma

  1. Three nutters - Donald Trump his mate from North Korea and Vladimir
  2. The latter

Pingreen15 karma

Hi Mark,

Lifelong Liverpool fan here. If Jurgen Klopp was an ice-cream what flavour would he be?

IamLawro45 karma

Something with an unexpected twist - like vanilla and chili

happytampon14 karma

What are your thoughts on the shambles at elland road yesterday? Was bielsa right to allow villa to score? What punishment should bamford face for his disgraceful dive?

IamLawro47 karma

Bielsa was 100% right. And if there's any justice, his team will come up by the playoffs.

Slick_J14 karma

Hey Lawro,

In Mike Basset: football manager they took the piss out of your dribbling pretty hilariously. Fair or unfair?

IamLawro40 karma

Unfair! I should've got a BAFTA!

duggo199111 karma

How many WKDs will you shout vardy if he scores this weekend and steals points from city?

IamLawro26 karma

As many as he wants!

Kylorenisbinks11 karma

Have you listened to Athletico Mince? (podcast)

IamLawro22 karma

No, but my son keeps telling me to! And I know there's something about Belinda's wipes

Feynization9 karma

Hey Lawro, I have a big practical based exam tomorrow and it has me very twitchy. Any tips that you used to keep the nerves steady before a big game?

IamLawro37 karma

Pint of Guinness and blackcurrant normally did it for me!

gavlarrr935 karma

Assuming Man City win the premier league... If it was somehow offered at the end of this season, would you ditch Klopp and take Guardiola?

Does your answer change if Klopp wins the premier league this year?

IamLawro11 karma

No.

and no again.

Liv3235364 karma

As a centreback yourself, how do you rate Van Dijk?

IamLawro12 karma

Best in the world currently.

Irresponsible_Tune2 karma

[deleted]

IamLawro6 karma

I do irony

youwrongthisread1 karma

Hi Lawro, what was the worst game you've had to commentate on?

Ps. Any chance of persuading Paddy to do the 1k drop into my account? If not a £25 bet will do.

IamLawro1 karma

It was Bayern Munich 1 - 2 Man United. Torture.