Hello everybody. I apologize for the lengthy description but I just wanted to lay out a framework because the pieces are their own stories as well but it's also all one big experience.

When I was a senior in high school I committed a sex offense against a 12 year old girl. I knew her from school (very small school, 7th - 12th grade combined in one building/study halls, etc). I don't think specifics are necessary, however there was no physical force, violence (or threat of), used during my offense.

I was initially given a stayed sentence with a little jail time to serve. With a plea agreement that I'd be on probation for 15 years, and follow all of the terms, which included attending sex offender treatment a long with your typical no substance use, no contact with minors, etc.

As a stupid (adult) teenager, I didn't know how deep of trouble I had gotten myself into so I didn't take the initial sentencing seriously and when I was released from jail continued to have contact with minors (half my friends were still 17, for example so I justified that being "ok") and other things that were violations of my probation agreement like smoking weed.

This along with my inability to really do any kind of meaningful work during my sessions at sex offender treatment led to an eventual execution of my full 144 month (12 year) sentence.. which was a shock, to say the least.

My time incarcerated was split almost 50/50 between state run facilities and a private prison. Both had their ups, both had their downs. My final 3 years I participated in sex offender treatment in prison, 6 hours a day - 5 days a week. Some form of group therapy, classes, or individual sessions with a psychologist.

A lot of lights came on for me in treatment and I spent a good deal of time learning about myself and how I've impacted other people and their lifestyles. I think I really embraced the opportunity to make myself a better person (as much as I could) and still use a lot of the tools I learned in there, in my every day life.

I served 7.5 years (good behavior, time served) and then another 5 years on parole. Parole and probation are two entirely different things, btw. Even though I graduated treatment in prison, I was still required to attend treatment when I was released. I showed them all the work I had done while in prison, and was recommended for aftercare (fast track) to completion.

I had to take polygraphs to prove my written sexual histories didn't contain any more forms of victimization or any other offenses I hadn't admitted to. As well as to confirm truthfulness in sexual fantasies and attractions, etc.

Finally last year, I was finished with my sentence. I'm still registered on my states predatory offender registry (and will be, for life) -- but I am officially no longer incarcerated or on supervision. I even managed to get registered to vote in time for last years midterms.

Sorry for the wall of text.

Feel free to ask me anything!

My Proof: Mods have my proof.

EDIT Well I've been at this awhile so I'm going to call it. I want to thank everybody for their awesome questions. I'm genuinely surprised at how civil the conversation was, so kudos to everybody for that. Thanks again! Have a good night Reddit.

Comments: 141 • Responses: 41  • Date: 

MyPostsAreHalal36 karma

Can you do the sex offender shuffle?

ama4scale23 karma

I don't know what that is unfortunately.

ama4scale27 karma

Haha. This is great.

erotic_thunderpants26 karma

So you didn't forcibly rape the 12 year old?

What did you learn about relationships and pursuing love interests or sexual relationships from the programs you were in?

Did you suffer any mistreatment in prison for being a sex offender?

ama4scale19 karma

I was taught a wide variety of things about relationships, pursuit of healthy sexual relationships and the like. Definitions of intimacy, healthy fantasies, healthy attractions, positive attractions. We would build healthy positive fantasies, build interventions to negative, unhealthy or criminal sexual thoughts.

There are quarter long classes dedicated to setting up relapse prevention plans, identifying your triggers, building, practicing, and using healthy interventions and a huge focus on personal boundaries (sexual or otherwise).

Personally, I did the most work on my "nice guy" persona. I used to be a poster child for some of those /r/niceguys posts. Treatment helped me realize I was an asshole and was really scared of rejection.

EDIT - Sorry I didn't answer your last question: I'm a pretty charismatic and well spoken dude, I'm also younger and don't look like your typical Chris Hansen guest.. so I guess I got a bit of a pass from the usual crowd of people who harassed sex offenders. Plus my specific crime on a spectrum of other sexual offenses in prison was on the less "severe" side -- so they were usually focused on more pressing matters.

JohnWad13 karma

You also didnt answer the 1st question.

ama4scale7 karma

I guess I saw it more of a rhetorical question that was said out loud to produce the reasoning for the second and third question.

Like, ok he didn't use force so he must have had a messed up idea of what intimacy, relationships, and healthy sexual expression were. Did he learn anything about that? And I wonder if, because of the nature of his offense, he caught hell in prison?

That's where my mind took that line of questioning, if I'm wrong I apologize. However, the answer is no. I didn't use any physical force or violence. It was coercion (which is its own form of force) and manipulation.

Shaysdays11 karma

What about a 12 year old did you find sexually attractive and how have you self corrected that?

ama4scale39 karma

I hate the use of this term, but she was developing. I know it's a crude term but I really don't like to use "treatment jargon" and it's just an easier way to explain it. She had the physical features of teenaged girls. I was a teenager at the time. So physically - the attraction was there.

The mental attraction was to her age and lack of maturity. It fit into the fear of rejection I had, as a younger girl isn't going to say no to a senior. Ultimately, I was so worried about being embarrassed by being rejected by a girl that I payed no attention to the embarrassment of sexualizing a 12 year old.

The physical attraction just doesn't exist anymore, as I'm no longer a teenager. Obviously I'm still attracted to breasts, brown eyes, brown hair, etc.. and teenagers have those things too. But what treatment helped me with was that mental puzzle. How do I become confident enough in myself to be able to handle rejection? What if someone thinks I'm ugly, etc... how do I deal with that? That's what we fixed. Now instead of spiraling past red flag after red flag in pursuit of a "fix" -- I have interventions and other healthy things in place to assure it never gets that bad.

Shaysdays18 karma

Please give my compliments to your therapists, I mean that. And I’m happy you are able to recognize and explain what went wrong for you and say that to other young men “in terms so plain and firm as to command their assent,” to quote Jefferson. (Who probably could use a lesson from ya, now that I think of it.)

ama4scale15 karma

Thank you for the kind words. My therapists and I worked hard and it always feels good to have your hard work validated. Even if it's in the shadow of a hurtful past.

I can't show people there's good left in us if I can't explain the bad.

erotic_thunderpants13 karma

Thanks for the reply! You seem like an example of why we need to offer rehabilitation instead of pure punishment. I hope you continue on this path and things work out for you.

ama4scale11 karma

Honestly, as much as it sucked - it helped. Tremendously.

Maximum_Overhype16 karma

What do you personally think of the demonization of sex offenders? I know most of the people i know no longer consider an offender as "even human anymore" but ive always been too afraid to voice my opinion that maybe they're just not well

ama4scale38 karma

There's such a wide spectrum of sex offense in the USA today it's really hard to answer that question. I did treatment with some people that weren't leaving.. and I felt bad, but not really. Ya know?

The all sex offenders = bad people idea is some serious bullshit, though. You can get a 10 year registration for peeing on a bush, what kind of shit is that?

I think sex offender laws and legislation need a serious overhaul because there are just way too many umbrella laws and very little wiggle room for sentencing. Not everybody who commits a sex offense is a piece of shit waiting to rape the next innocent person who walks past them. However, some of them are - and it's scary.

When I meet new people I have to constantly dance around the "do I tell them, what's a good time?" questions in my head. It's really stressful to meet people, connect because of some kind of topic, and then have to debate losing that connection because you don't want to offend them by withholding such a major issue. But you also don't want to scare them away until they've had enough time to see the real you.

altasobscura16 karma

Have you heard of www.cleanslatecampaign.org? Maybe your love for politics could be channeled into doing work for them? You sound like you may be a great representative for them - very articulate and insightful.

Congrats on your progress and best of luck to you.

ama4scale18 karma

I will absolutely check this out. A lot of criminal justice reform leaves out people who have committed first and or 2nd degree sex offenses because they're usually reserved for the worst of the worst. However, some states include any form of penetration combined with the victim being under 13 y/o as a reason to charge for 1st degree. Even if there are no aggravating factors aside from the age range.

For instance: legally, there is no difference between what I did and what an 80 year old would be charged with if he molested his 3 year old great granddaughter. So when they deploy these solutions, it's really easy for them to carve out entire swaths of the sex offender population to avoid just by using first and/or 2nd degree charges to eliminate their eligibility. I understand it, because I've lived with some of these people and I don't think they're fit for society.

They need to be able to look at individuals when it comes to sex offenses and assign somebody who can make decisions based on case-specific details.

My parole officer and I used to talk about this in our meetings all the time. There's just no incentive for advocacy and nobody is going to take an all-sex offender advocacy group seriously.

sOfekS12 karma

Are Dementors really the worst thing about prison?

ama4scale30 karma

"The Dementors" is my reply when people ask me the worst thing about prison. No joke.

I'd say about 30% get it. The rest have no idea.

crofabulousss11 karma

How did you get caught?

ama4scale32 karma

She was supposed to be babysitting her younger siblings and decided to sneak out to a party instead. Her parents caught her, pressed her on where she was, what she was doing -- and it all came out.

DrunkWino8 karma

Do your friends ask you to have a seat right over there?

ama4scale18 karma

Haha. Honestly, they don't joke about it a ton. Only my really close friends do and they usually prefer the "x amount of feet from a school" jokes.

firkin_slang_whanger8 karma

Have you had any luck with jobs? What's your long-term plans now? Good luck.

ama4scale25 karma

When I was released my parole officer had a small list of felon-friendly workplaces in the area. I was hired and worked for a year in manufacturing and was then able to get back into doing IT work. I started a business with a friend of mine and never looked back.

I know for a fact I'll never be able to get a good job again unless I fall into some really, really, lucky gig. I've had 2 passions my entire life (Computers and Politics) and I'm basically pigeonholed into non-background check needing low voltage IT deployments, as anything else would require some kind of background check. And I obviously can't get into politics because nobody wants a sex offender volunteering for their cause.

Most background checks don't look past 7 or 10 years for a felony in the state/federal records but they also check the sex offender database, so if you're in that (which I am) it doesn't matter how long ago I committed my felony.

I've interviewed and put my offense out there first thing, and I've done it the other way around. I always hear great reviews but they also always need to "bring my legal issues to their higher ups" and it always falls through. By now I assume that's a cop out. However, I make decent money doing what I do now, and I am married - so my Wife and I split everything and I get by better than some in my position.

firkin_slang_whanger8 karma

Again congrats on turning things around. It's nice to hear these success stories.

ama4scale12 karma

Thanks! My sentence was longer than most other sentences of a similar nature due mainly to some changes in the sentencing guidelines after I had already been sentenced (sad for me) -- and I'd watch these guys come in, fail treatment, leave, then come back.. over and over.

It was frustrating but it also helped me focus. I enjoy being a success story. As much as it sucks sometimes.

Suyeda4227 karma

What are your parents like, I've always been curious about raising was there something in the way you were brought up that you think could be responsible for the way you think? I don't think humans are born better or smarter than others but have different upbringings.

ama4scale10 karma

My parents are pretty awesome. They split up when I was young and it sucked for a bit. Custody is lame, every other weekend visits suck. Doing it with a brother you don't get along with (at the time) sucks too.

However when I got into high school my mom and step-dad controlled a business and the stress wore them thin, so they drank a lot. Stayed out at the bars until 2-3 am. I got into gaming and just sorta went to school, gamed, slept. Mostly unsupervised.

I think that was the beginning of my abandonment type issues, attention seeking stuff and the like. Coupled with being a bit of a late bloomer and it just was a recipe for for some anti-social behaviors.

They supported me through my incarceration and treatment though. Visited me often and helped out in every way they could. I really owe a lot of my success to them. It's amazing what a 15 - 20 minute phone call to someone on the outside can do to a persons mentality. Even if it's once a week.

BrazenBull6 karma

People joke online about prison rape. Is it a thing?

ama4scale24 karma

The entire time I was in prison I never heard of or witnessed a rape. However, I spent over 95% of my time in general population medium custody. Most of those people are going home within 5 years and don't feel like getting extra time for any kind of major shenanigan like assault (sexual or otherwise). I played pinochle with some old timers (on the last 5 years of a 25+ year sentence) who had done time in the higher custody facilities and they said that rape was more common in those facilities. (Presumably because a lot of those guys aren't going home).

More consenting sex than I thought there would be, though. FWIW.

KamahlYrgybly6 karma

Thank you for doing this AMA. You really presented the human side of sex offenders, a group which is easy to loathe indiscriminantly. I hope your future life is better than your past.

As the auto-moderator deleted my comment for failing to ask a question, I shall, despite the AMA being over:

What do you plan to do now?

ama4scale12 karma

My wife, our two cats, and myself are looking to get into tiny house/alternative housing somewhere in the Southwest. We really enjoy looking around the house finding ways we can do things cheaper, more economical, efficient and with a smaller overall global footprint.

We're looking at purchasing a small amount of land and building either an earthbag home or container home and retiring early on our savings and investments. The main issue I'm encountering is the registration laws are a bit tougher in the southwest than I am used to, so that will be something I have to deal with.

I'd love to make a go of it, document all my efforts and expenses, then find a non-profit or government office that helps offenders get back on their feet -- and show them what they can do if they try.

I think a lot of offenders (sexual and otherwise) just end up in a spin cycle within the justice system because there are just so few avenues to success once you've been incarcerated. So if I can show them "hey maybe I'm not a CEO.. but I'm free, comfortable, and safe" it might be enough for a few of them to try it out.

Berserk_16 karma

What was the scariest experience you had while incarcerated?

ama4scale53 karma

NGL I dropped the soap my first week there.

I just looked around and since most everybody else was new (your first month you're in an intake unit so everybody is pretty fresh) we all sorta just started laughing. I didn't pick that shit up though.

hedaleksa6 karma

Do you feel remorse for your actions? If so do you feel this because of what your actions cost you or because of what your actions may have cost your victim? Neither/both?

Did your victim testify at your trial? If so what was that like for you?

ama4scale26 karma

The victim of my offense didn't testify. I took a plea deal as I admitted to what I had done right away. From a lawyers perspective, that was a bad idea but I honestly thought "if I own up to it, it'll be better" -- it wasn't. There was little evidence and I probably could have worked my way into a lesser plea that wouldn't have ended with me being registered for life. But I wasn't thinking that far ahead, actually I didn't know what registration was. I just wanted to avoid going to prison at all costs.

I felt and acted like a victim for awhile - but I knew what I did was devious and wrong at the least, even if I couldn't see myself as a "sex offender". Over time, and in treatment, I found small victories in being able to look at myself as coercive, manipulative, etc. and really managed (I think) to wrap my head around my selfishness and the attitudes I had that allowed myself to do what I did. I'm remorseful for my actions, absolutely.

Today, I understand what I did was wrong. I know why, and I'll never do anything remotely close to that again. Do I feel like I deserve to be on a list for the rest of my life? No. Do I feel like I deserved prison/treatment? Yes.

Cnogs-37 karma

It's funny how you never directly answer any of the questions being asked, especially when it has to do with whether or not you have any guilt from raping a child. You said that you didn't apply any force or threat of violence... you're obviously lying. I can't believe all that jail time didn't cause you to actually feel bad about what you did instead of how you clearly dont feel like you did anything wrong.

ama4scale21 karma

Do you feel remorse for your actions?

I'm remorseful for my actions, absolutely.

Look, I'm not here to argue with anybody. However, you're replying to a comment I made that contains a direct answer to the question that was asked. Also, you failed to provide any examples of me "not having guilt from raping a child" or dodging questions.

I understand the anger and frustration. There should be anger, and there should be frustration. But if you're just shaking your fist for the sake of shaking your fist - you're doing the entire situation a disservice.

If you're curious how I raped a child without force or threat of violence, perhaps you could have asked that question. It's one of the biggest hurdles I had to get over to finally feel remorse for my actions - and it wasn't easy.

Coercion is classified as a type of force, but looked at differently than physical force in the eyes of the law. When I explain my situation, "physical" force (or a lack thereof) was a determining factor in the legal proceedings. So I include it in my description when I include things like sentencing guidelines, or mandatory minimums, etc.

I'm sorry you feel that I'm dodging questions, because I am not. I absolutely took advantage of a child, sexually. I'm not sure if I can explain it any better than that.

Cnogs-47 karma

Denial isn't just a river in Africa

ama4scale20 karma

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

MarquisDePaid5 karma

I am very curious as to why forums and many news outlets obsessively police against the "humanization" of "racists", but simultaneously push the narratives of sympathy for actual pedophiles and child predators

Like OP this isn't an attack on you personally but it's a theme I've seen

Media outlets like Vice take such a "moral stance against evil white nationalism"

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about the moral or ethical dimensions of prohibiting white nationalist speech. There is no moral equivalency between white nationalists and those who oppose them. The goal of white nationalism is to establish ethnically “pure” societies where rights will be denied to anyone—people of color, women, LGBT people, leftists and progressives—who doesn’t match the ideal “racial type.” White nationalist speech, then, is aimed at denying rights to large swathes of our plural societies.

Meanwhile the same site paints pedophiles in such a sympathetic manner

Social Media Sites Can’t Decide How to Handle ‘Non-Offending’ Pedophiles.

Pedophiles have used websites like Twitter to argue they’re not evil, forcing social media platforms to decide how they’re going to treat them.

Let me reword Vice if the labels were swapped:

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about the moral or ethical dimensions of prohibiting any sympathy or discussion of pedophilia. There is no moral equivalency between pedophiles and those who oppose them. The goal of pedophilia is to prey upon children who can't consent to sexual intercourse, and will be harmed for life by the act.

Back to OP

What happened to the girl? Did she overcome the trauma of being raped, does she now have a family, did she spiral into mental problems and ruin her life?

ama4scale14 karma

Sorry, I took a bit of a break there but I want to make sure I answer every question.

To your first point: I think people are more angry at white nationalists because they're proud to be white nationalists. Not because they are white nationalists. So if you juxtapose that with my situation... I'm not proud of what I did. And I've served time, rehabilitated, and came out (I think) a better person. Now I'm trying to move forward and not rustle the collective jimmy of society.

I believe the direct opposite is happening in regards to white nationalism, and that's why people are upset. It seems racism is popular again, and people are mad. If NAMBLA was out protesting in a playground with Tiki Torches - I think Vice would give them the white nationalist treatment.

Your second question:

As far as I am aware, she is leading a healthy lifestyle. I have a couple friends that know her through other friends and they've never spoken bad of her or said she was going through any trauma. However, I don't know anybody close enough to her to confirm/deny that, nor is it any of my business really. I hope she is well, that's really all I can do.

errorsource5 karma

What were the most helpful and the most ineffective/potentially counterproductive things you experienced in treatment?

ama4scale14 karma

Something that was ineffective for me might have been very effective for another person, so keep that in mind when I answer.

I was never a fan of any kind of group punishment. People have their own motives, some people want to stay in prison. Why should we lose our microwaves just because one dude breaks the glass and tries to stab someone with it?

I didn't like dealing with therapists who were "Alpha" therapists. Almost like drill sergeants.

I really liked to just sit down for an hour and chat. That was my kind of therapy. Just chat about whatever. I consumed a lot of media while I was in prison, so I liked to talk current events with people who cared (civilians) as opposed to inmates who couldn't be bothered to turn on the news.

Anything that made me feel human again. I finally got a prison job that let me use computers (to help people in treatment with their release plans and such) and it was so fun to just help guys learn how to format in MSWord, or set up a spreadsheet for budgeting their little money when they got out.

errorsource6 karma

I find it interesting (if I understand correctly, forgive me if I’m putting words in your mouth), that it was being treated like a human and doing something that gave you a sense of purpose that contributed most to your personal growth, rather than any specific elements of a therapeutic program. Thanks.

ama4scale12 karma

For me, yeah. I've always been a pretty independent, self-motivated person so when I was rewarded with that position it felt like the effort I had put in meant something and it was validating. Most sex offenders are just looking for some kind of validation. Unfortunately they usually take the path of least resistance (sex+vulnerable person) to get it.

Being put in an independent position and rewarded with a really good (for prison) job was validation for me that I was doing the right thing. So I was motivated to keep seeking that validation, instead of looking elsewhere. Once that need is met, I can focus on my other needs, growth being one of them.

sweetlandofmisery4 karma

Is the food really that bad? And does everyone workout like I imagine?

ama4scale11 karma

The food is situational. The private prison food sucked because they scraped the top off the food budget. We would get apples that said "not for human consumption" on the box. But they weren't bad apples, I guess? I used to cut them up and put them in my oatmeal. We'd also get "special" meals for holidays. They had big grills on wheels they'd wheel out and we'd have burgers and brats for the 4th of July. We'd get turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry, etc for Thanksgiving.

State prison was.. average? Reliable? It wasn't terrible. I was fortunate enough to have some money coming in from family, so I ate off commissary more often than from the chow hall. The worst part about the chow hall in the state facilities was they are separate buildings - so you have to walk outside in winter to get to them. Some of those prison campus' are huge, and it's a long walk for some mediocre food.

Also, yes. Everybody is perpetually working out. Except for the old people, they're playing canasta or pinochle. Walking, lifting, dips, jogging, pull-ups.. you name it, people are doing it.

wAxMakEr863 karma

At the time, were you aware that what you did is wrong/unlawful? If so what led you to commit those actions? Was it out of impulse or of convincing yourself (at the time) that you wouldn't get caught or that it was right anyway?

ama4scale15 karma

I knew that what I was doing was illegal. I had no idea it was 12 year sentence, lifetime registration illegal though. I convinced myself it was ok through most of the usual ways. We went to school together, had study halls, music classes together. Even bigger parties (like homecoming) were 7-12th grade. So it wasn't like a shock to be seen together. That stuff made it really easy to justify everything in my head.

I had just been broken up with so I was on the mend, I had some serious inadequacies and a constant fear of rejection so choosing girls who I had some power/control over lessened all of that. Obviously a 7th grader is going to say yes if a senior asks them if they want to hang out, ya know? It made me feel good at the time, and not much else did. Everybody knew of statutory rape laws and such, I just assumed I'd fall into that category and since nobody else really got in trouble for that stuff (it wasn't uncommon for seniors to be dating freshman (14 year olds) -- that was my main justification.

wAxMakEr863 karma

Thanks for answering! I personally don't think it's right to classify people as "being evil" or "being innocent", and that most people are a mixture of both. People who commit bad things have a warped sense of what is "right" or that not getting caught makes an action ok to do. Others I believe are forced by some uncontrollable impulse (sexual or otherwise) or a mental instability.

I just think that being an evil person isn't something that someone can be, and that many people who do evil things can also contribute greatly to society in some way (e.g Roman Polanski, Bill Cosby, and possibly Michael Jackson).

I'm not saying that these people shouldn't be held accountable for what they did, but rather we should rework how we view criminals, and maybe in doing so we can reduce crime much more effectively than we have in the past.

ama4scale10 karma

Thanks for your reply. I knew guys who weren't going home because of the crimes they committed and that's a pretty tough reality to wrap your head around. So I used the time I got to try to make sure I'd never come back. Even as a parole violator for something else, it still makes the sex offender "statistics" worse.

It's unfortunate that all sex offenders are pretty much clumped into one big pile, and it's stupid that people can look up where most of them live. Having maps like that adds to the fear and doesn't help the underlying issues.

It also sucks that there are some truly evil, vile, and disgusting sex offenders that are readily available to use as examples as to why anybody who commits a sex offense should be locked up forever.

I chalk the problem up to the overwhelming "set it and forget it" mentality of the criminal justice system in it's entirety. However it's hard to advocate for sex offenders though. It's basically political suicide.

Schlafen_Schaf2 karma

Have you ever thought of leaving the country and applying for citizenship to another to escape the prejudice of your sentence, and the sex offender registry?

Forgive me if I’m missing some kind of important step, I was just curious if that thought had ever crossed your mind.

ama4scale9 karma

I've thought about it, but it looks very difficult to get into any country that I could sustain a decent quality of life in. Also, I really like America. I travel a lot with my wife and it's such a beautiful country. Even with the bad, there's a lot of good. I think I would miss it if I moved away.

Mad_Maddin2 karma

How old were you when it happened? And would your sentence change if for example you were a year younger?

ama4scale9 karma

I was 18. The statues change based on certain age ranges, and certain ages. In a month, she would have been 13 and my crime would have been a misdemeanor and you'd probably never have asked me this question. If I was a month younger, I would have been 17, and the same.

Me being 18 (adult) and her being 12 (under 13) fit the statute that any Adult would have been charged with for offending against any child (under 13). So had I been 40 and did the same thing, same penalty.

So to answer your question, had I done what I did a month earlier, or later, it would have been a misdemeanor (after court, the initial charge probably would have been 3rd degree - then dropped to 5th). Instead it was a 144 month felony.

[deleted]1 karma


ama4scale2 karma

I have a message from another mod, saying my proof was sufficient.

Kingcentaur0 karma

Just viewed the verification. My apologies.

ama4scale2 karma

All good.

[deleted]1 karma


ama4scale8 karma

Pretty good. Most of the guards are just there to get a paycheck and go home. If you don't make their life miserable, they return the favor.

Very rarely did any guards single sex offenders out, or anything like that. However, we were a facility with a sex offender treatment unit - so they probably had to bite their tongue a bit for the sake of the treatment process.

I liked to chat with some of the guards about current events and stuff. Always nice getting a fresh perspective.

babylegsdetective1 karma

Did you watched Mindhunter Series?

ama4scale3 karma

Nope -- Should I?

sheparooo1 karma

So what would happen if the polygraph revealed you still have attraction to minors?

ama4scale19 karma

I'm going to tackle your question with a couple of answers.

Firstly: Polygraphs are not admissible as evidence to a courtroom as they're not beyond a reasonable doubt accurate. However, what parole can do is require you to pass treatment to not fail parole - and treatment won't pass you if you don't pass the polygraph. Therefore, you have to pass a polygraph - to not fail parole.

If I would have failed my polygraph, I would have gone into group the following week and explained why I thought I failed. Either come clean or double down on whatever the issue was. Some people double down, most of them end up back in prison.

An attraction to kids isn't a dealbreaker on parole or in treatment. Attractions aren't going to change. You just need to be able to demonstrate the ability to intervene on criminal or unhealthy sexual thoughts, fantasies.

Greaterbird5 karma

That's the part that really bugs me. Polygraphs are psudeoscience. There should be no more room forn them in law enforcement than having someone stare into a crystal ball or tossing people into rivers to see if they're witches.

ama4scale5 karma

Yeah it's kind of dirty if you look at it. They can't use them in court so they use them in treatment, which has the same power as the court essentially. Heck, my parole officer even sat in on some group therapy sessions. How can you feel comfortable opening up if the person who can send you back to prison is sitting right there in the room?

Polygraphs have their place in society, and I'd even say in sexual offending. Sex offenders are criminals too, and they're usually more manipulative than some of your more traditional criminals. If there wasn't a spooky lie detector at the other end of the tunnel, there might be more lying about attractions, etc.

However, to use it as a tool to decide whether or not somebody goes back to prison is pretty bogus because of the false positives it can generate. Remember that DUI machine that was under all that scrutiny a few years back? That's how I feel about polygraphs.

coryrenton1 karma

Who were the most wealthy criminals you encountered; did their wealth on the outside translate to any better treatment inside?

ama4scale11 karma

I was good friends with a guy who had put out albums and mingled with some legit celebrities.

He was treated like shit like the rest of us.

I think you have to have Jay Z money to get preferential treatment in a state facility. Now the feds? I don't know. Maybe Paul Manafort will do an AMA in the future lol.

loosejaw131 karma

We’re private prisons harsher that state prisons, and to what extent?

ama4scale17 karma

I can't speak for all private prisons, but the one that I was in was very unprofessional. They place these things in some trainwreck of a town/county and say it will provide jobs but nobody there has any idea how to run a prison. Our warden didn't have a college degree so he just hired all of his friends. It was crazy really. There were inmates knocking up caseworkers, caseworkers getting caught having sex with each other. Guards and inmates exchanging contact info, smuggling, etc.

At one point we had 5 different states living in one prison. And all under different rulesets. Cause certain states allow inmates different things. So there was smuggling between states, fights between states, fights in general. But they wouldn't accept anybody over a medium custody level, so everyone in there is going home some day - so a lot less danger for the most part.

State prisons, once you get higher than medium custody -- can get pretty rough. Again, the private place I was in was all medium custody so most people were chill. I don't know if they have private prisons for maximum security inmates but if they were run anything like the one I was in.. the inmates pretty much run everything.

But state medium custody (and below) prisons are usually treatment facilities so everybody there is in some kind of program trying to change their life or at least knock some time off their schedule. So nowhere near as many fights.

loosejaw133 karma

That’s really interesting! I’ve been quite interested in the private vs. public (government) prisons debate after watching this video.

ama4scale13 karma

I have tons of weird stories from my time in the private prison. It was really surreal. Also, it was the first prison I spent any significant amount of time in so really it was my first impression of prison life. When I was finally transferred to a state prison, it was like entering the 21st century. Also, the food in private prisons sucks because whatever they don't spend they keep.

4_0_4error1 karma

How are you adjusting to life on the outside with the record that you carry around how do people respond to it. The stigma (bc I know if someone like a record like that has to tell people within the neighborhood they live in and just feeling ostrichesed from people around you)

ama4scale6 karma

In my state there are three classifications of sex offender. Level 1, 2, and 3 - which you've probably heard of. I'm a level 1, which means I only have to register with my local police office and I need to confirm my registration yearly with my state.

There is no community notification with level ones (or twos, for that matter), as they've been deemed by the state as "least likely to re-offend" and they have the statistics to back it up. Also, I'm not on a map you can pull up. However, my registration is public if you look me up.

Usually when I tell somebody about my offense it's after a little bit of getting to know me. I'm a pretty likable guy, and I'm a current events, politics, gaming, and sports buff -- so I usually fit into most conversations. If I meet somebody and they become more than a common acquaintance -- then I usually find a time to explain it to them to the best of my abilities and answer any questions they have.

Most of the time, they've seen the other 99% of my identity, and don't hold it against me. Sometimes though they're upset about it. I can't blame them, but it sucks.

Helena00070 karma

What do you think of Ian Watkins' case?

ama4scale2 karma

This is going to sound like a cop-out but it's obvious if you look at the dude that there's a lot going on inside his head. I hope wherever he ends up he has a chance to really unravel his offending behaviors and get to the underlying issues.

Often times the punishment doesn't fix the issues -- if you're doing something bad to other people you've somehow justified hurting others in your own head and prison doesn't address that. He needs some kind of therapy. As a kid if you wrote on the walls you got in trouble. It wasn't until you realized how much of a pain in the ass it was to fix the walls that you stopped wanting to do it.

The fear of punishment usually stops people from doing stuff but once you've been punished -- if they didn't fix the why then you're left with somebody who now knows the punishment and all he needs to do is justify the risk v. reward. If you're comfortable doing prison time, then punishment isn't really a deterrent. But if you give people more options to weigh (empathy, economics, etc) then they need to use more effort to justify committing the crime in the first place. It makes it harder.

Sorry, I rambled a bit. But TLDR: the guy needs help and hopefully he gets it.

KickAssMiles-1 karma

What's cooler than being cool?

ama4scale10 karma

Ice Cold!