I’m Daryl Davis, A Black Musician here to Discuss my Reasons For Befriending Numerous KKK Members And Other White Supremacists, KLAN WE TALK?

Did you learn anything surprising or unexpected during these interactions?

Absolutely!!! Despite what you may have read in the numerous press articles about me converting KKK members, I NEVER set out to convert anyone. I simply set out to ask a question I had formed in my mind as a kid: "How can you hate me when you don't even know me?" Growing up, we all are told, "A tiger doesn't change its stripes, a leopard doesn't change its spots," etc. I believed that and I didn't think anyone was going to change, so that wasn't my initial goal. I just wanted the answer to my question. But over time, though repeated interactions with various KKK members around the country, some of them began questioning their own beliefs as a result of their interacations and conversations with me. Then they began quitting, and I was astounded. Exposure and one-on-one dialogue is the KEY to solving a lot of issues in this country, not just racial ones. We live in echo chambers in which we surround ourselves with people who will reflect back to us, the very same thing we say to them. Therefore we block out anything from the outside as being inferior to what we learn in our little bubbles. I like traveling outside the bubble. Even people with good intentions, tend to shut out those who may hold different opinions. I am willing to listen all all.

My old psychology professor and one of my cousins in law(who is getting a phD in clinical psychology) have told me that when dealing with people making illogical claims or mental illness(like paranoid schizophrenia) the best thing to do is ask them questions. They both said that it would help to make them question their own reality and allow them to possibly reach a more logical conclusion on their own rather than trying to force a belief or opinion on them, doing the latter would cause backlash and a stronger attachment to their original belief. I believe this is known as the backfire effect. It makes sense since racism, in a sense, is a sort of delusion(in my opinion). Some people have claimed racism could be a form of mental illness, having similar symptoms to PTSD. What is your take on that perspective?

EDIT: Thanks for the gold!

Yes, it's always better when someone comes to their own realization or conclusion that they have arrived at the correct answer themselves without your help. Their already superior mental state is then stroked. But after a while they realize that it was their interaction with you that led them to this conclusion and they are often grateful for it.

It's simultaneously good and sad to hear that even a small amount of exposure to something outside your own bubble can have such an effect. Thanks for the response!

I think it speaks well of the general character of the former Klan members who disavowed their previous beliefs. It can be really hard to admit you're wrong, even when faced with concrete evidence.

That my friend is the difference between "Ignorance" and "Stupidity." Some people define those terms as being synonomous. I do not. To me an ignorant person is someone who makes the wrong decision or a bad choice because he does not have the proper facts to make the correct decision or a good choice. If you give that person the facts, you have alleviated their ignorance and they can make the right decision. A stupid person is one who has the facts but still makes the wrong decision.

If I painted the walls of a room and didn't post any "WET PAINT' signs, people coming into the room would be ignorant as to the walls being wet and may lean up against the walls, getting paint on their clothing. I can fix that by posting warning signs and telling each person entering the doorway that the walls are wet and to stay off them. But, if I go all of that and someone still leans up against the wall and then wants to know why there is paint on their clothes, it's because they are STUPID!!! There is a cure for ignorance. That cure is called education. Unfortunately, there is no cure for stupidity. If you give someone the education (facts) and they choose not to use them, there is nothing you can do. :)

It sounds like the key to getting these people to change their mind is in getting to know you, a black man, as a person. This reflects a lack of any meaningful prior exposure to and empathy with the black experience. While it's heartening to see so many change after getting to know you, it does leave me curious - do you think anything similar to your process could be replicated by white anti-racist activists, or is the very fact of your blackness so crucial to the result that white people would have to take a different approach?

I think every little bit helps. It is crucial that we all, regardless of our skin color, encourage our friends to make friends wih others who may not share our skin color and discourage our friends from engaging in discriminatory behavior. Most importantly, before we are Black or White or anything else, we are human beings. We are Americans. We need to be respected as such first and foremost, then the trivial things like skin color will matter less and less.

What was the toughest meeting you ever had with a KKK member? Have you lost friends or family contact because of your choice to have these meetings? Thank you for time and your big heart.

I have met some who engaged in horrific crimes, including murder. Some have even gotten away with it, while others have gone to prison for it and still show no remorse. You look into their eyes and you can instantly tell, your life is in their crosshairs.

Another tough meeting is when I meet families and their are young children involved. You don't have to be a psychic to predict that child's future. It's like going to a drug-infested ghetto and seeing a mother who is a prostitute and the father is either in prison or selling drugs on the street. There's a small child in the home. Whiel there is always the rare exception, you know there is a better chance that kid will not finish school, will have an arrest record in his teens, and may be dead before the age of 30.

When you meet with some of these people and you can predict these things, that is VERY scary.

There are people who will not associate with me and who shun me because of my association with KKK members or neo-Nazis. But no, I have not lost any friends or family, because my friends and family already know that I'm crazy!!! :)

And to think that these violent, unremorseful adults were those children in their parents home unknowing of what they would turn out to be. Very powerful and sad.

I come from a broken home with an abusive alcoholic father so the odds of me being like him are great but I always knew that the life I lived growing up would never be one my child would have. A lot of folks will never get a chance to break the cycle but you're attempting it and succeeding, maybe not always but nonetheless you're an amazing human with a forgiving heart. Thank you for your work, your words, your actions. This is how we become human again.

*Edit: Thank you for the gild and thank you to everyone for sharing your story. We CAN break the cycle, it takes a big heart and a lot of forgiveness but it's possible. Talking is a big step whether it be professional or with a close friend. Always be open to help or get help when you need it. Don't give up hope on your fellow man.

Similar situation, I hope i never have kids. I don't think i know how to even be a good father after the one i had? I think if i do thee exact opposite i might have a stellar kid hahaha

Having kids in this day and age can appear scary, but seriously, isn't that said in every generation? We always seem to manage to overcome those fears and hopefully follow our own good examples of parenting.

Hey Daryl, what do you think is the most common reason people join hate groups like the KKK in the first place?

There are many different reasons. It depends on the circumstances. Some join because: "My grandfather was in the Klan, my Daddy was in the Klan, so I'm in the Klan, and my son will be in the Klan.

Others, who may never have been racist to begin with, get laid off of their jobs and can barely make rent or feed their family, see their same job now being done by someone who does not look like them (perhaps an Hispanic immigrant). The Klan exploits this opportunity to convince them to join becacause: "The Blacks have the NAACP, the Jews have the ADL. No one stands up for the White man except the Klan. Come join us and we'll get your jobs back. We are not going to let spics and niggers take over our country."

Yet others join because the environment in which they live, is conducive to that mentality and in order to get along with your neighbors, you join the local societal groups, garden club, PTA, KKK, etc.

Have you ever felt unsafe or threatened?

Hello KidGrizz, I have been in many unsafe situations and have had to deal with not only threats, but also attempts on carrying out those threats. However fortunately, nothing too serious has happened and in a couple of cases, those who threatened me, are now friends. There are those who still pose a threat and will probably do so till they pass away.

I take it you get protection because of this?

What good is a condom in this situation?

Do you mean KKKondum?

Thats how he turns them into friends

First friends, then lovers.

I don't have a question, but it's really admirable what you've done. I'm going to check out your music, I just wanted to say thank you for making a huge impact on Earth.

Building community is no small feat, and you're bridging gaps that I and many others have thought impossible. As an often selfish person, it's inspiring and humbling to see what you've dedicated your time to doing. Thanks for helping the species! We need all the help we can get.

Thank you my friend. Hope you enjoy the music.

Were there any preconceptions you had about the Klan that turned out to be wrong once you actually began to make contact with and get to know some of its members?

Yes there were. Excellent question, thanks. As much as I hate to admit it, I was guilty of the same thing many of them are. I was predisposed to thinking they were all alike before meeting them. I came to find out that a Klansman or Klanswoman, is not stamped out of a standard cookie cutter. They come from all walks of life, educational and socio-economic backgrounds. Most importantly, I found out that their beliefs can change for the better.

What was your motivation to get started with this?

I was motivated by the racism I would encounter. I love people, I love my country. I have been to 53 countries around the world on 6 continents and I've seen different people get along in most of them. I know the United States can be a better place and we all have an obligation to making our society a better place not just for ourselves but for all Americans. I am just doing my part.

Damn. /u/DarylDavis for President??

Idk, that guy is friends with racists

Hard-hitting journalist: "What do you have to say about the allegations that you have ties to the Ku Klux Klan?"

Those allegations are VERY true. I have many ties to the KKK. What about it?

But literally, I have friends that fit in the "college liberal activist" stereotype and they would literally say this. One friend of mine often critizes compromise. He would see talking to KKK members as nothing more than fraternising with the enemy.

It's kinda frustrating because while I agree with him on most basic principles, I also think you really need to understand the other side and their motivations. It's not compromise to truly understand and structure your arguments beyond the tiny frame of "You're a racist bad person so just shut up and go away!" You do that and the other side just double downs on their position.bYou'll never talk down everyone because yeah, there's bad people that should be fought, but there's better ways to fight.

Your friend is actually trying to use reverse psychology on you. He is trying to have you believe that compromise is a weakness on your part. This is because he is the one who is weak, in that he is not a strong enough person to have the balls to sit down and have a conversation with the "enemy." That my friend, is where the strength comes in and only the strong survive. If he perceives the enemy to be weak and inferior, they are showing more strength than him, if they are the ones willing to sit down and talk. Explain that to him. :)

The Rorschach approach. No compromise, even in the face of armageddon.

Time to rewatch.

Watch Accidental Courtesy and read Klan-Destine Relationships.

Truly, you are an inspiration. I wish more people thought the way you did.

The fact that you are saying this, must mean you agree with me to an extent. So, I wish more people in this world also thought the way you do. So, I will enage those who I encounter and you engage those who you encounter, and together, we will achieve that goal of having more people think this way. Dialogue is the key.

Mr. Davis, thank you for your hard work and bravery over the years as an educator. My question for you is something that I struggle with often: How do you connect, communicate, and/or educate with someone whose views are so virulently different from your own?

Thank you very much. The BEST tool I have found is knowledge. Learn as much as you can about the person whose views are so virulently different from your own. Even sit in the privacy of your room and take that person's position and argue in his favor with yourself. Often times these people who let me know they DID NOT like me, very often respected me, because of my knowledge of their position. I often knew as much if not more about them and their beleif system and their organization than they did. That garnered me respect. Today, some of those same virulent people have become my BEST friends, believe it or not.

What do you think of BLM?

The idea behind the creation of BLM was a very good one. It was created to bring the national spotlight on the disproportionate number of Black males who for lack of a better term, are being murdered by White police officers, when White males in the same circumstances are not. Blacks go to their graves and Whites go to jail or go home.

The way to change that, is to bring national attention to the plight. Just like MLK did with Rosa Parks and riding the bus in Montgomery, Alabama. Ms. Parks was not the first woman who refused to give up her seat. That had been going on. But when MLK organized the Bus Boycott and it drew national attention for almost a year, the laws were changed, which is why I can sit anywhere I want to on the bus today.

So the formation of BLM was a good idea. Where I believe it fell short, is in the fact it was not centralized and not trademarked. In otherwords, there is no central BLM in which policy is created and then disseminated to chapters all over the country so everyone is on the same page. The NAACP, the Boy Scouts of America, the Red Cross, would be some example of centralized organizations. They are run top down. BLM is run bottom up. In this case it has not worked to their advantage in that they have chapters that have sprouted up all over the country and each one is autonomous. Therefore there are those who are aggressive and disruptive, while there are those who are more constructive and instructive. The negative actions always make the news media and of course, casts a bad light on the the ones doing positive things, because people just say BLM, without realizing that each chapter is not connected to another.

This may be asking a lot, but can you provide with some bullet points of things that we need to listen to in order to prevent people from turning to racism and what are the most effective way to act or react?

People make the mistake of forming anti-racist groups that are rendered ineffective from the start because ONLY invite those who share their beliefs to their meetings.

• Provide a safe neutral meeting place.

• Learn as much as you can about the ideology of a racist or perceived racist in your area.

• Invite that person to meet with your group.

*VERY IMPORTANT - LISTEN to that person. What is his/her primary concern? Place yourself in their shoes. What would you do to address their concern if it were you?

• As questions, but keep calm in the face of their loud, boisterous posture if that is on display, don't combat it with the same

*While you are actively learning about someone else, realize that you are passively teaching them about yourself. Be honest and respectful to them, regardless of how offensive you may find them. You can let them know your disagreement but not in an offensive manner.

• Don't be afraid to invite someone with a different opinion to your table. If everyone in your group agrees with one another and you shun those who don't agree, how will anything ever change? You are doing nothing more than preaching to the choir.

*When two enemies are talking, they are not fighting, they are talking. They may be yelling and screaming and pounding their fist on the table in disagreement to drive home their point, but at least they are talking. It is when the talking ceases, that the ground becomes fertile for violence. So, KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING.

What is the general reaction when you tell them you're black? Do they know when you first talk to them, or is it much later in the conversation?

Initially, I would meet with them in person and they would have no idea that I am Black. My White secretary would phone them and set up the interview, specifically not mentioning the color of my skin unless asked. No one asked. There was shock and surprise. In a couple of cases, there was some violence. But most people, after getting over the surprise, would either talk with me or say they were not interested and walk away. Today, they all know the color of my skin. So when I inquire about an interview, they can decide over the phone or email, whether or not they want to meet with me.

Daryl, just recently watched your netflix documentary and loved it.

In that documentary you spoke with some BLM members and they did not take to you too well. Did you agree with them on anything? Anything different you would say to them now?

We are friends now. We had dinner together last Wednesday evening and got to know each other on a personal level. They are good people and want the best for everyone. We each had not been properly informed about each other prior to meeting. But this was actually a good thing. You saw how misunderstandings can lead to the friction you saw. Believe me, it got worse than what you saw in the film. It went on for an hour, and you only saw 8 minutes. But now a year later, we are friends as a result of getting to know each other.

Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA. In your proof photo, you say you'll talk about the robe and hood. What can you tell us about it?

What would you like to know about the robe & hood. One think off the bat, is the miok, also known as the blood drop emblem. You will always see a patch consisting of a red circle with a white cross. In the center of the white cross is a red blood drop. Surrounding the blood drop, outlined in black are 4 Ks. They stand for Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. The blood drop signifies that they will shed their blood for the preservation of the White race.

Not the OP but I'd love to know the story behind how you got it, this is fascinating to read, thank you for doing it!

When members would quit and renounce their ideology, they would give me their robes. If they were going to dispose of them, I would ask if I could have them. Now, I have quite a collection. I will open a museum one day. I am currently working on that.

How you came to possess them, and why you keep them are questions I have.

I acquired them as members would quit the Klan as they came to know me and see a different path for their lives. I keep them so I can place them in a museum which I am working on getting now.

After you had broken the ice and gotten to know them, did you feel as if they were good people at heart and just misguided, or were they genuinely just nasty people?

All of the above. There are many good, decent people, who due to lack of exposure and living in their own little echo chambers, foster this culture of superiority and us vs. them mentality. Once coming to know other people who are not in their circle of friends, I saw an expanding of their horizons and some became receptive to, and acceptive of, those they once considered inferior. But make no mistake about it, there are those who are truly nasty and there will be no changing them.

What is your goal with this?

To better educate myself about racism and how best to deal with it in a benevolent manner. Then I can better educate others like me and also educate the purveyors of racism.

Hi Daryl, thanks for making the world a better place! What do you usually talk to them about when you first meet? What type of language do you use and how do you respond when they say something racist?

Thank you. We talk about everything and I let them know right off the bat, that I want them to be themselves and not to tailor their language or responses to my questions so as not to offend me. Of course I hear ALL the racist words. Sometimes they use them to get a reaction out of me. But, I already know I'm going to hear these things. I come into the situation armed with knowledge about them and how they thing. So I don't react at all. I have even had some apologize to me after my not reacting. It's always best to take political correctness out of the room and let people be themselves. They will respect you more. Trust me on that.

For the Klan members you actually get a dialogue going with, what are the usual talking points they discuss with you, a black man? Do they shy away from talking about things like genetics, or do they debate you on that?

As a follow up, what points do they bring up that you may agree with, even in only small amounts?

We talk about everything. You name it, we talk about it. No, they don't shy away from the genetic thing. Many of them have been brain washed to believe that Blacks have smaller brains than Whites, therefore, we are not as intelligent, nor are we capable of acquiring higher intelligence. Due to this defect, we are predisposed to laziness, and violence. They will often cite the book The Bell Curve, which most of them haven't read, but someone told them about it. You know who that goes. This person said that, who told someone else, who then told another person and so on. Next thing you know, it's the Gospel truth.

I find things we have in common such as getting drugs of the street and better education in our schools, etc. Building upon these and similar commonalities, are the first steps to a relationship. Building upon that relationship, is the first step to a friendship. As you nurture those commonalities, they find the things they had in contrast, such as skin color, begin to matter less and less.

I know that thanks to you, many people have left the klan.

How many people would you say that was, and how long on average would it take them to come around after meeting you?

At this point, I would say directly because of interactions with me, between 50 and 60 have left. Indirectly, I have been the impetus for a couple of hundred. This is the result of those who directly left, influencing some of their friends. Additionally, when leaders have become my friend and leave the Klan, often their group falls by the wayside and those members also leave. I don't take credit for converting them. They did their own conversion. I was simply the impetus for it. Now understand, when a Klan group falls apart, it does not mean there are no more racists in the area. It simply means there is no more KKK group. In some cases, some of them renounce their beliefs and some still maintain the beliefs but don't reorganize into a group. They drop out and move on with their lives.

Hi Daryl - Thanks for doing this AMA!

Saw the doc about you recently and wondering in particular what your thoughts are now how you handled the interview with the Baltimore activists? It seemed like you had a lot more patience and respect for the former klansman but maybe that was due to editing?

Thank you for watching the documentary Accidental Courtesy. That was a very powerful scene. It had to be edited down. You saw 8 minutes, but that confrontation actually went on for an hour. There was a lot of misinformation there which led to misunderstanding. However, believe it or not. We are friends now. We had dinner last Wednesday night together and hung out. Dialogue is the key to resolving many an issue.

Hello! Thank you for doing this AMA. What's the most interesting experience you've had while on the job?

I've had many. But one of them occurred a couple of weeks ago. I was invited to speak at a Klan meeting which I did and then we all went out to dinner together. This was down South. The White manager of the restaurant recognized me from my documentary Accidental Courtesy and came over to the table and loudly proclaimed, "I recognize you from that movie. I really admire the work you are doing and I just want to shake your hand. Please keep on doing what you're doing!!!" He didn't realize the whole tale looking at him were Klansmen and Klanswomen. But, I know his words had a very positive effect on them when they thought about it later, becasue I heard from some of them.

hi, im a white south african that deals with overwhelming racism on a daily basis. whats your trick to not wanting to beat them down every time?

Hello Radiaflash, I understand your frustration and anger. I realize that I am at an advantage in that I know this phobia of people who do not look like them, is a mental illness that can be overcome. I also know that attempting to beat hate out of someone, simply increases that hate. Not that I am into or approve of dogfighting, But this is how it works. You take a dog that is already predisposed to being mean, such as a Pitbull or Rottweiler and you beat it. It becomes more aggressive and mean. Then you let it into the cage with another dog and it's ready to fight to the death to kill the other dog. Humans are no different. You can not drive out hate and violence with more hate and violence. Violence may be necessary as a tool to protect oneself or tempprarily curbing someone else, but not as a means of curring someone permanently.

Have you ever been to Selma, AL? If so, what was your experience like?! If not, would you ever think of visiting to look at the social structure left after Martin Luther King?

Yes I have. There is still the haunting of the past there, much like Mississippi. Even among Black people, there is some degree of distrust of me, because I'm "not from these parts." A lot has changed, but there are still skeletons and some of the people who tried to prevent those changes are still around and their children and grandchildren are there. So, while progress has been made, people still are cautious. That too, needs to change.

Hi Mr. Davis, I recently watched "Accidental Courtesy" and was shocked by how hostile black activists in Baltimore were towards you and your open engagement with white supremacists. In your opinion, how will more belligerent groups such as BLM affect race relations in the US as well as the popularity of groups such as the KKK? Thanks for taking the time to do an AMA. The way in which you deal with raw hatred is nothing short of amazing in my eyes.

Thank you for having me on here. It was important to include that scene in the documentary to show that there is a lot of work to be done on ALL sides. This battle against racism needs to be fought from many angles not just one. Even Black people can disagree with one another and be hostile to each other. This was a direct result of misinformation leading to misunderstanding. It is now resolved and we had dinner together last week and got to know one another much better.

Hello Mr. Davis, I really enjoyed Accidental Courtesy.

Do you find in today's PC world, more or less opposition to you and your story?

I am NOT someone who is PC and I personally think political correctness a crock of you-know-what. There are many who are receptive to me and my story, but yes, there are those who are not. In fact, I speak all over the country at colleges and universities on this topic. There are some school activity boards who have booked me, only to have the administration deny it and and they have to cancel the booking. The administration thought it was too controversial a topic. What a bunch of idiots who call themselves running an institution of higher learning. That's PC for you. Great question, thank you.

Thanks for doing this AMA. I had a chance to read a little about your story and it was incredibly intriguing, because I've thought on more than one occasion about what would happen if someone like me were to attempt to change the life of a KKK member.

At the risk of sounding strange, from the time you started involving yourself with the KKK to now what would you consider to be the best experience you've had?

Making friends with people who I never thought would be and realizing that a difference for the better, was made in the lives of others.

A review of your book on Amazon warns that you may have been taken advantage of by the Klan members, as in, your story may cast them as "not that bad after all", and that you supported their claim of them being victims of "reverse racism". The full review can be seen through that Amazon link. What is your view of these criticisms, and what would you say are the aims of your work with the Klan?

Edit: This is the review I'm referring to: https://www.amazon.com/Klan-Destine-Relationships-Black-Mans-Odyssey/dp/0882822691#productDescription_secondary_view_div_1505746878290

E2: link may not work, am on mobile. Referring to the Kirkus Reviews "Description".

Yes, I well aware of that biased review by someone at Kirkus who has no clue what he/she is writing about in regards to reviewing my book KLAN-DESTINE RELATIONSHIPS. You should read the response I wrote in rebuttal to the review at the same link. The reviewer has a VERY dim outlook on the world if they think people can't change. I proved time and time again that they can. Some people get it, and others don't. Obviously, this person belongs to the latter group.

What's it feel like cashing in on racial tensions in your country?

Good Morning, I wouldn't know what if feels like to cash in. I've been doing this work for a little over 30 years and haven't cashed in yet. In fact, I spend more of my own money from my music income to be able to do this work.