I am a one handed handyman. Ask me anything!

A guy on igmur asked: how do you jerk off and hold the phone at the same time?

Anyone who's curious, like this

But how did you take that picture?

Buy using a series of blinks and animal noises

My dad lost his whole arm fighting in Iraq and he used to joke he taped his phone to the back of his hand.

It's easier to just strap it to your head

How many of you does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many porcupines does it take to kick a ball?

Is this by birth or due to an accident?

Birth thank God! I'd hate to have to lived half my life with a normal hand

It's overrated. I heard of a handy man with only one normal hand

I bet he sucks.

What's the most creative solution you have had to come up with in order to get the job done?

I've had to use my belt to help me lift obscure objects because it's hard to grip sometimes. Sort of how you would use weight lifting straps usually, but different things call for different ways of utilising the belt and stuff

Is your nickname Hand Solo?

I wish! One guy called me biscuit hand for a while in school until he realised nobody found it funny so stopped

Do you wear mittens, or just gloves with 3 floppy fingers?

Haha! This is the worse thing. I once had a job where I had to wear latex gloves every day. There's no chance of cutting the fingers off and sewing it up like I usually do. I ended up tying the extra up around my wrist, or tucking them in to paper overalls

How often do you put one in the pink in addition to one in the stink?

Not as often as I'd like to. But if you're offering...

Are you all right?

I've been better, thanks for asking Ryan

You the man.

How handy are you?

I'd say a solid 7 out of 10

Just because I'm hoping someone reading this may know (it is handyman related), where can I find T-Lock shingles?

They're discontinued but you can still get them here. Probably super expensive though.

Do you use one hand or two on your phone?

I use 2 still. The bent one is a thumb so I use that to type too

Whats actually you think easier to do?

Pringles. It's made for pringles.

How often have you been told that you're handier than you seem?

By almost everyone I've ever spent any time around. I guess when anyone sees it they automatically assume things will be much more difficult for me

How often do you ask people to "give you a hand" with a job? Do you get paid the same as the employees with two hands?

I always look at them for an extra second when I ask, just to see if they're thinking it. And yeah equal rights for people with any amount of fingers. It almost makes me feel like I have the full 10

How many housewives have you banged?

Just the one, she was pretty desperate

story please

You're only here for the fap aren't you (ﾉಥ_ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

Is there anything you can't do an adapted version of that you wish you could do?

I've always wanted to shoot a bow and arrow but I can't hold the bow steady with my left hand, doing I the other way just feels odd...

Do you have a set of partially formed bones in the left hand, or is it just the two fingers without a palm?

I don't have an xray but from the feel of it the bone structure feels completely different to a normal hand but I have a palm

can you snap your fingers?

I can not 😢

Just out of curiousity, we're you ever picked on because you only had 2 fingers on your hand? Girl that I used to go to school with had something like that except she had a great personality and was liked by lots.

No, if anybody ever said anything about it people would just tell them it wasn't funny. I guess I'd say I was liked in school, I never fell out with anyone or anything. That probably helped

Do you ever ask someone if they need a hand and pull up your hand?

I usually follow it up with "just the one though"

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People always try and help me with stuff. Most people see that I'd maybe have difficulty with things, not realising I've had my whole life to figure this stuff out. It's always good to have help if it's offered though

I love that you are accepting of help. One of my fears is making someone feel inferior by offering help. Especially if they are disabled in a noticeable way (wheelchair, cast, etc.) I just want to help everyone! Were you always this accepting of help or did you go through a phase when it pissed you off?

Nah I've always been lazy enough to appreciate the help, and almost everything gets done faster with 2 people. Never feel bad for offering someone a hand, if they don't want it they will just say no haha

What is the hardest job you have ever done?

Anything in closed spaces. Like boilers, and a lot of car work.... there's a lot of hand changing involved

were you born with a larger brain to compensate?

And penis.

Do you game any, and if so what console?

I can use pads like the PS, Xbox, and the steam one. Wasd is super difficult, and wii is almost impossible. Although I did complete twilight princess with my girlfriend at the time, 1 controller each

Do you find it beneficial to have a wrench on you at all times?

I have a tiny pair of grips I carry with me everywhere for better grip on things

If you are describing two options to someone do you ever say "on the one hand" and describe the first option and then say "but on the other hand" and then look down at your other hand with a pained look and just sigh and be quiet like you are really sad and not tell them the other option?

I feel that would be a funny joke to pull but I have two hands so I can't really be sure.

Yeah I've done a lot of stuff like that, I ask for high 5s and then look at my hand all sad like and just say 'oh' like I forgot

Have you ever had a project that just totally went wrong or there was some disaster? What happened and did you fix it?

Edit: top notch ama dude

Most recently I started a job of finishing a laundry type place, but there had been at least 2 people working on in before me and having to work with that is pretty tough. Like I hung some poles up but even though I did them level the ceiling is massively out of line so it looks a bit stupid. This place is all cladded up so they could have levelled the ceiling out before too, but I suppose speed is the key right? 🤔

How do you use a hammer?

With caution.

So the normal way then?

Exactly. Screws all the way

Have you ever thought about joining the Crips?

I read that as crisps because I'm from England, and that made absolutely no sense

I'm from America and I read it the same way. I love you.

Wanna be friends?

You down with OPP?

I could be if I knew what it was?

do you get a lot of jokes? if so, what was your favorite?

Only people who know me pretty well joke about it. Most people don't know if I'll be sensitive about it.

I was in the cinema with my friends watching the POTC when the first scene of Davy Jones it's just his claw, you could see my friend just get the idea and turn towards me, only to have me staring back at him saying 'don't you fucking dare.' He pretty much wet his pants