I have 2 fingers on my left hand https://imgur.com/gallery/3ijLY and I work as a maintenance guy for a local care home. I got a million questions when I posted a picture of my hand elsewhere so I thought I'd do an AMA

Comments: 93 • Responses: 38  • Date: 

joahs_ark35 karma

A guy on igmur asked: how do you jerk off and hold the phone at the same time?

Anyone who's curious, like this

cunt-hooks4 karma

But how did you take that picture?

joahs_ark20 karma

Buy using a series of blinks and animal noises

CAlN974 karma

My dad lost his whole arm fighting in Iraq and he used to joke he taped his phone to the back of his hand.

joahs_ark11 karma

It's easier to just strap it to your head

porcupine_kickball21 karma

How many of you does it take to screw in a light bulb?

joahs_ark26 karma

How many porcupines does it take to kick a ball?

meshashya17 karma

Is this by birth or due to an accident?

joahs_ark25 karma

Birth thank God! I'd hate to have to lived half my life with a normal hand

[deleted]13 karma

It's overrated. I heard of a handy man with only one normal hand

joahs_ark26 karma

I bet he sucks.

pj92512 karma

What's the most creative solution you have had to come up with in order to get the job done?

joahs_ark11 karma

I've had to use my belt to help me lift obscure objects because it's hard to grip sometimes. Sort of how you would use weight lifting straps usually, but different things call for different ways of utilising the belt and stuff

billbixbyakahulk12 karma

Is your nickname Hand Solo?

joahs_ark27 karma

I wish! One guy called me biscuit hand for a while in school until he realised nobody found it funny so stopped

Highest_Cactus11 karma

Do you wear mittens, or just gloves with 3 floppy fingers?

joahs_ark8 karma

Haha! This is the worse thing. I once had a job where I had to wear latex gloves every day. There's no chance of cutting the fingers off and sewing it up like I usually do. I ended up tying the extra up around my wrist, or tucking them in to paper overalls

Meygoon10 karma

How often do you put one in the pink in addition to one in the stink?

joahs_ark18 karma

Not as often as I'd like to. But if you're offering...

ryanclicks28 karma

Are you all right?

joahs_ark14 karma

I've been better, thanks for asking Ryan

You the man.

zombie_fart8 karma

How handy are you?

joahs_ark28 karma

I'd say a solid 7 out of 10

hlwroc8 karma

Just because I'm hoping someone reading this may know (it is handyman related), where can I find T-Lock shingles?

Buy_felicia7 karma

Do you use one hand or two on your phone?

joahs_ark7 karma

I use 2 still. The bent one is a thumb so I use that to type too

Yinonormal7 karma

Whats actually you think easier to do?

joahs_ark33 karma

Pringles. It's made for pringles.

Zinolium7 karma

How often have you been told that you're handier than you seem?

joahs_ark8 karma

By almost everyone I've ever spent any time around. I guess when anyone sees it they automatically assume things will be much more difficult for me

Pho-Cue5 karma

How often do you ask people to "give you a hand" with a job? Do you get paid the same as the employees with two hands?

joahs_ark9 karma

I always look at them for an extra second when I ask, just to see if they're thinking it. And yeah equal rights for people with any amount of fingers. It almost makes me feel like I have the full 10

FootballCTE4 karma

How many housewives have you banged?

joahs_ark11 karma

Just the one, she was pretty desperate

FootballCTE0 karma

story please

joahs_ark26 karma

You're only here for the fap aren't you (ノಥ_ಥ)ノ ┻━┻

sisaoiva3 karma

Is there anything you can't do an adapted version of that you wish you could do?

joahs_ark8 karma

I've always wanted to shoot a bow and arrow but I can't hold the bow steady with my left hand, doing I the other way just feels odd...

Highest_Cactus3 karma

Do you have a set of partially formed bones in the left hand, or is it just the two fingers without a palm?

joahs_ark4 karma

I don't have an xray but from the feel of it the bone structure feels completely different to a normal hand but I have a palm

speedymcspeedston3 karma

can you snap your fingers?

joahs_ark2 karma

I can not 😢

KrazyKlanRuss3 karma

Just out of curiousity, we're you ever picked on because you only had 2 fingers on your hand? Girl that I used to go to school with had something like that except she had a great personality and was liked by lots.

joahs_ark8 karma

No, if anybody ever said anything about it people would just tell them it wasn't funny. I guess I'd say I was liked in school, I never fell out with anyone or anything. That probably helped

Loganophalus3 karma

Do you ever ask someone if they need a hand and pull up your hand?

joahs_ark9 karma

I usually follow it up with "just the one though"

anon5556543 karma


joahs_ark6 karma

People always try and help me with stuff. Most people see that I'd maybe have difficulty with things, not realising I've had my whole life to figure this stuff out. It's always good to have help if it's offered though

loverofaltmedicine2 karma

I love that you are accepting of help. One of my fears is making someone feel inferior by offering help. Especially if they are disabled in a noticeable way (wheelchair, cast, etc.) I just want to help everyone! Were you always this accepting of help or did you go through a phase when it pissed you off?

joahs_ark2 karma

Nah I've always been lazy enough to appreciate the help, and almost everything gets done faster with 2 people. Never feel bad for offering someone a hand, if they don't want it they will just say no haha

TornBean3 karma

What is the hardest job you have ever done?

joahs_ark8 karma

Anything in closed spaces. Like boilers, and a lot of car work.... there's a lot of hand changing involved

Raithrot2 karma

were you born with a larger brain to compensate?

joahs_ark6 karma

And penis.

_D0minant_Extract_2 karma

Do you game any, and if so what console?

joahs_ark10 karma

I can use pads like the PS, Xbox, and the steam one. Wasd is super difficult, and wii is almost impossible. Although I did complete twilight princess with my girlfriend at the time, 1 controller each

Alien_Liver2 karma

Do you find it beneficial to have a wrench on you at all times?

joahs_ark3 karma

I have a tiny pair of grips I carry with me everywhere for better grip on things

Noctiluscious2 karma

If you are describing two options to someone do you ever say "on the one hand" and describe the first option and then say "but on the other hand" and then look down at your other hand with a pained look and just sigh and be quiet like you are really sad and not tell them the other option?

I feel that would be a funny joke to pull but I have two hands so I can't really be sure.

joahs_ark3 karma

Yeah I've done a lot of stuff like that, I ask for high 5s and then look at my hand all sad like and just say 'oh' like I forgot

Noctiluscious2 karma

Have you ever had a project that just totally went wrong or there was some disaster? What happened and did you fix it?

Edit: top notch ama dude

joahs_ark2 karma

Most recently I started a job of finishing a laundry type place, but there had been at least 2 people working on in before me and having to work with that is pretty tough. Like I hung some poles up but even though I did them level the ceiling is massively out of line so it looks a bit stupid. This place is all cladded up so they could have levelled the ceiling out before too, but I suppose speed is the key right? 🤔

Zowwmeoww2 karma

How do you use a hammer?

joahs_ark16 karma

With caution.

jckelsall2 karma

So the normal way then?

joahs_ark6 karma

Exactly. Screws all the way

ser_Duncan_the_Donut1 karma

Have you ever thought about joining the Crips?

joahs_ark17 karma

I read that as crisps because I'm from England, and that made absolutely no sense

Keebler1722 karma

I'm from America and I read it the same way. I love you.

joahs_ark3 karma

Wanna be friends?

Texas_Ninja1 karma

You down with OPP?

joahs_ark5 karma

I could be if I knew what it was?

Commander_Duck1 karma

do you get a lot of jokes? if so, what was your favorite?

joahs_ark5 karma

Only people who know me pretty well joke about it. Most people don't know if I'll be sensitive about it.

I was in the cinema with my friends watching the POTC when the first scene of Davy Jones it's just his claw, you could see my friend just get the idea and turn towards me, only to have me staring back at him saying 'don't you fucking dare.' He pretty much wet his pants