I'm male model Jim Gaffigan. AMA.

Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree?

I worked on super troopers for two hours and people still come up to me and say "meow"

How did you come up with the audience voice you do ?

Speaking for other people has been something that's always been part of my personality since I was a teenager. It diffuses a situation so if I'm running late for something, rather than the other person saying "Jim I can't believe you're late" - if I say "Jim I can't believe you're late" in their voice, it makes a humorous situation out of something awkward.

I've read Dad Is Fat and am currently reading Food: A Love Story, and from what I've read so far it sounds like people who recognize you yell "Hot Pocket!" at you a lot.

How frequently does that occur? If you could go back in time and un-tell the Hot Pocket jokes, would you?

I would not go back in time and untell the jokes. Hot Pockets changed my life, but yes 2 or 3 times a day a stranger, or even someone I know, will say Hot Pockets to me. It's very similar to when your uncle does an inside joke that you're rather tired of but you politely nod.

If you forgot your long-sleeve sunshirt at the beach this summer, how long could a person stare at you before going blind?

Maybe 30 seconds, depending if they're wearing sunglasses

Dear Jim

If you were going to be any type of muffin, what type of muffin would you be?

Sincerely- Your Secret Admirer

Great question - I would have to say Lemon Poppyseed. And also, I know this "Secret Admirer" is really president Obama.

If given the opportunity to create your own flavor of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, what would it be called?

It would be one of the highest honors. It would have to have bacon in it. I would name it "Fat Dad".

What are your thoughts on the "dad bod" craze?

I had a dad bod before people tried to manufacture that it was okay to have a dad bod.

Have you had any kale today?

If that's code for "breakfast burrito" then yes.

What's your advice on breaking into the male model industry?

Be sexy

If you were Tom Brady right now, how would you comfort yourself with your recent punishment?

By looking in the mirror or at my wife?

Do you like to cut your sandwiches horizontally or diagonally?

That's kind of personal

Are you willing to appear in Super Troopers 2?

I definitely would but I have no idea what the Broken Lizard guys plans are

1. On Gaffigan Show, your character gets backlash for being Catholic. Did you get the same backlash in real life after talking about God on Pete Holmes' podcast?

2. What's your best on-stage memory?

1. The episode on jimgaffigan.com was actually inspired by a series of events that happened after Dad is Fat was published. I kind of outed myself as Catholic and then there was an article in the Washington Post identifying me as the leader of a new Evangelist movement. It was pretty hysterical.
2. Whenever I improvise a new joke or line is always the highlight

Jim. I love your stuff! How in the world do you have time for your big family with all you have going on? Do they all tour with you?

Yes, we will be going on a 30 city tour this Summer. Jeannie and our 5 kids on a tour bus. The tour bus will be wrapped with a picture of my face. Interestingly enough, the image is the same size as my actual head.

Which do you have more of -- kids or red sneakers?

I haven't talked to my wife in an hour, it might be more kids

How many baby carrots are in a bag of baby carrots?

34

If I win the lottery, how much money would I have to give you for you to make me a sandwich every weekday?

Nothing. I live to serve you.

Do you think there is a stand up resurgence going on?

This is the Golden Age of stand up. When I started, it was all weirdos and derelicts. Now most comedians went to a little Ivy university.

When I was in high school and worked at the small local movie theater in my town, you made an appearance for a local film festival. I was too shy to ask for a picture, and shortly after, you blew up with people in my age with the “Hot Pocket” thing.

My question is: Which do you like better: making smaller appearances or doing the bigger comedy specials?

(PS - You accidentally walked out with your fly open and noticed it. Didn’t get a pic, but that’s a fun memory.)

I like the sense of completion of doing an hour special, but there's nothing better than the feeling of coming up with a new joke.

Also, I never close my fly. I need air

Seriously, who is more pale? You or Conan O'Brien?

I should know this answer - I think it's me?

Jim, do you smell as awkward as I imagine?

I smell like asparagus was overcooked in a microwave

Hi Jim! Big fan. Love your seafood bit. How was it working with Matt Lucas on Portlandia? Any stew recommendations? Bug meat?

Matt Lucas is a delight, a really nice funny guy. He came to my show in London, I was very flattered.

Hey Jim, whats the hardest part about being a male model?

Being asked if I'm Brad Pitt

What's the highest number of bananas you've ever put in your mouth at once?

13

Hello Mr. Gaffigan! I love your skits about the holidays, but it has me wondering, what is your favorite holiday?

Thanksgiving

Hello Jim, thanks for doing this AMA. Do you think that a man notices when a woman gets her nails done? Also, would you choose to get rid of your fame if you could keep your money? Love your work, thanks for the laughs.

Fame is only good because it gives you the opportunity to gain more creative fulfillment.

What's the premise of your new show? #PlugAway

Jeannie and I (my wife and writing partner) wrote 10 episodes that are very personal and shows that we would want to watch. The premise of the show is my life.

Hey Jim How's your day going so far?

It's good - I'm blown away that 500,000 people have visited jimgaffigan.com to stream the episode (I'm sorry, I have to plug here and there)

Is there any type of food that you won't joke about, or is nothing too taboo for you?

I don't believe in censorship, but obviously I would never talk about the sacred breakfast sausage patty

Jim, big fan. You're not shy about talking about and sharing your family on social media as it's grown. How much has the growth of your family impacted your comedy, both standup and in the show?

It's impacted my comedy enormously. I never thought that I would be a comedian who would be so autobiographical, but I find it funny and it keeps me less self-centered.

Are you ticklish?

Just around my breast

I was at your show in Atlantic City and there was a sign language interpreter there, and you said diarreah as many times as you could to make her sign it over and over again.

Do you have any other favorite words you like to have them sign again and again?

I think this perfectly illustrates that I'm an artist.

Not considering their dreams, what do you want your kids to be when they grow up?

I just want them to love what they do (aren't I great?)

Who's somebody you've been meaning to work with?

I've always been a huge Steve Buscemi fan, and he actually agreed to be in an episode.

Love you! When are you coming to Tampa Bay? We want to come see your show!

I don't know, I think the theater wasn't available for this Fall

Jim what's the best place for food in nyc?!??!

This would take too long

First, I love you and you are hilarious and amazing at what you do.

Second, Has Hot Pocket ever approached you for a sponsorship or endorsement?

Yes, I passed. Not that I'm a great person, I'm happy to whore for any product, it's just that I'm already known as the Hot Pocket guy. No sense in confirming that.

How did you come up with the title THE JIM GAFFIGAN SHOW?

According to Jim was already taken

Jim why are you on reddit so much?

I'm not! This is my first time - oh, you're joking. You joker.

Hello, Mr. Gaffigan! I would like to get your advice on something. I have had a pipe dream of doing stand-up comedy for a few years, and recently worked up the courage to consider actually trying it out – albeit not as a career. However, as a woman, I am aware of the unfortunate stereotype that women in comedy simply cannot be as funny as men, and tend to stick to jokes that are funny only for their own demographic. I’d really like to be able to appeal to a wide variety of people, much like you do. I also realize that most people bomb hard when first starting out in comedy. On top of all this, I have the stage presence of a kindergartner in a Christmas play. Needless to say, this sort of dampens my spirits about trying it out. Do you have any advice/suggestions for overcoming this?

I grew up watching Carroll Burnett, Lily Tomlin, and reruns of Lucy. I think society is way more accepting of females being stand ups than when I started over 100 years ago. Being awkward on stage is a benefit - people respond to vulnerability. As Gladwell said, "10,000 hours"

How long did it take you to make it big in modeling?

One day.

Jim, do you find it a struggle to constantly write "clean" jokes? I would think writing clean jokes has to be a lot harder than the opposite - and you're the absolute best at it. Thanks for the laughs!

This clean/dirty thing is ridiculous. It really matters if something is funny or not. Giving someone credit for clean or dirty material is absurd - if it's funny it's funny, if it's not it's not.

Hey Jim! You're up there as one of my favorite comedians at the very top of my list, so I'm ecstatic that this is happening.

For the question, how can you possibly balance family, work, and alone time with your large family?

Keep on being you.

It's really hard. Especially with the Jim Gaffigan Show (see episode at www.jimgaffigan.com) - Jeannie and I wrote all episodes and executive produce, so the last 10 weeks have been chaos. But I do not want to be one of those dads that my kids don't know.

Hi Jim,

Giant fan of your comedy.

How challenging has it been to travel so much and raise..what? Five, six...twelve kids? Does Jeannie ever slow down? What do you guys do if she's sick?

It's actually easier to travel when you're doing theaters because I'm in a city usually for one night as opposed to when you work at a comedy club and you're there for 4 or 5 nights. Twice a year we go on a tour bus with our 5 kids so that I don't have to be away from them and I can get no sleep. And Jeannie is not allowed to get sick.

If I should happen to find myself in a waffle house, how do you recommend I defend myself?

The menu is made from heavy stock for a reason

What is the best dipping sauce? I can't get it right.

It depends on the item. Onion rings should be dipped in blue cheese, ketchup is always a good go-to.

Thanks for doing this. Who is your favorite young stand up comedian?

There are so many. There was a time when I knew all the comedians that were in New York and LA and now there are people that we used on The Jim Gaffigan Show (see a preview at jimgaffigan.com) that I haven't seen do stand up. It's quite embarrassing.

Why are you so white?

My father was a q-tip (one of my first jokes I ever wrote)

Love your comedy specials. I was wondering, how much material do you write for your specials/your show versus how much your wife writes? And does being married to your writing partner cause any special dilemmas or benefits?

My wife and I have been writing together since we first started dating. There are arguments and disagreements but the collaboration is strong.

I've been considering going to www.jimgaffigan.com, but I'm not sure I'm ready. What can you tell me to allay my fears?

I think jimgaffigan.com is where you can stream a free episode of The Jim Gaffigan Show. I heard it's great and I think Jim Gaffigan is in it.

Hi there. You have some of the best jokes I know that are so largely food related and particularly about unhealthy foods. Do you often think thoughts similar to your jokes while eating those same foods or has your act changed your diet?

I think my act has changed my diet. I have a romanticized view of eating that has definitely made me more of a pig.

I've been dying to know, what is your favorite flavor of hot pocket? And who is your biggest inspiration as a comedian?

The Ham and Cheese is not that bad

Hi Jim! I'm a huge fan! What advice do you have to a teenager who's never done stand up before but wants to get started?

Do it as much as you can, write as much as you can.

what's your favorite brand of underwear?

Thong

Hey Jim!

What do you think about McDonald's beautification project? I feel a little less ashamed of meeting male prostitutes there.

I think Bruno Mars said it best about McDonald's "you're amazing just the way you are"

I watched your new show on your website and loved it. I was surprised that in addition to being funny, it was also thought provoking. Can we expect more of this?

Yes, Jeannie - my wife and writing partner - and I agreed that we would treat each of these episodes as the last episode of television we will ever do and try and make each one special.

If you could be a kitchen utensil, what would you be and why?

I like to think of myself as a human Cuisinart

Hello Jim, I am a big fan and have two questions for you.

If given the opportunity to choose another career aside from Comedy/Comedy writing/etc, what would it be?

Also, you have said that your wife works with you writing your material and is equally involved in your work process. My other question is, does it get difficult separating work from home for you and your wife?

I love my wife, she's turned out to be a terrific first wife. We're both workaholics and creating stand up never feels like work.

And if I weren't a comedian, I think I'd make a pretty good serial killer. The hours seem flexible