IamA Night Shift Security Guard at a Coca-Cola Warehouse AMA!

How big is your flashlight?

Well if you really want to know, its about a foot long...

Is it C or D batteries that make it that long?

You know I never took the time to check, either way it is quite large and heavy.

What is the werdiest thing to happen at work? Also is the warehouse really haunted?

Probably the weirdest thing to happen to me while on duty was that a male truck driver with a hook hand was hitting on me for like 15 minutes before he finally left (he also smelled like he was Robin Williams' stunt double in the poo scene in R.V.) And well there is speculation, but personally I do not think so.

Is it true that liters of Pepsi are regularly shipped to coca cola warehouses and sacrificed to Jesus?

Actually, no. We all take turns stabbing them repeatedly, then we burn them and drink the blood of those freaking adorable polar bears around the blaze.

Are you armed? What kind of security company do you work for. When i worked in security many years ago, most were really shitty security agencies that basically hired untrained people, showed them an hour long training video and dumped their ass at a post with nothing but their dick in their hand and expect them to "observe and report" in really potentially dangerous areas. You touch anyone and you are fired. Management didnt give a shit if you lived or died other than having to deal with replacing you with some other warm body they could pay shit wages while charging the company they hired you out to nearly double.

Do you work alone or on a "security team"? One thing I learned working security is that working on a team means you are often working with fuckups, bullies,backstabbers and cop-wannabes. I learned that the best kind of posts were ones where you were basically a night watchman watching a building all night all by yourself. Hopefully safely locked inside and not patrolling outside. That way you didnt have to deal with other people (employees, customers, or other security guards).

My specific branch is an unarmed branch. And it depends where you get put at, but most of that is true unfortunately, most people they get are just average everyday people put at a post for some company that gets the big bucks while you get some insignificant wage. But that is how the business world works. I am by myself, thank Cthulu, because I could not stand being stuck with some other ignorant guard for an extended period of time during the late hours of night.

Do you feel confident you could stop a Hans Gruber/Die Hard type take over of the factory?

You know if it came down to it, I technically and legally could not do anything but notify my superiors and the authorities......but technicalities and legalities aside, fuck yeah I'll aure as hell try!! And if I fail it'll still be badass when random things start blowing up (as those things happen in the movies)

As long as you have a shit load of Mentos.

As long as you have a shit load of Mentos.

That totally didn't cross my mind....thank you, thank you very much for that.

I am thinking something like Paul Blart/Home-alone style crossover more than a Diehard situation here.

This guy right here. Made me laugh my ass off.

Have you ever had to secure the premises from intruders?

Yes I have, not necessarily bad guys trying to steal some product, but angry truck drivers that I have declined them their load and i fence them out

I'm the operations manager of a trucking company. I've had this happen to my drivers, and it generally means my day is going to shit. And usually it's because a freight broker who brokered us the load to pick up did something wrong, not us. You seem cool enough, but you may actually be my nemesis.

C'mon now. Brokers are the nemesis. Drivers and guards are mere pawns in a larger plot of mayhem.

C'mon now. Brokers are the nemesis.

You sir, know how the game works.

They came expecting a trailer but it's not on your records? How could that happen?

Not that their load wasn't here, but that they became very upset/enraged because they have to wait longer or the loads not ready, if they become out of control I can not let them in and deny them their load completely, I then let their company know that they have to send someone else to pick it up and that the upset person is not allowed back here. I may not work directly for Coke but since I'm the person that all the drivers have to go through first they do give me that much authority.

Creepy moments?

On the weekends when no employees are there and I go inside to use the bathroom instead of the lovely port-a-pottie we have, and I look down the aisles I freak myself out thinking somethings/someones there. Also, meeting some very strange truck drivers, like my aforementioned hook-handed fellow.

What kind of shifts do you work? Early night/evening? Midnight? Really early morning?

I work third shift, usually, which is that my shift starts at 11pm and can last either 8, 12, or 16 hours

You don't like coke then,nice,so what's your favorite drink?

You don't like coke then,nice,so what's your favorite drink?

I just hate the feeling of my teeth and mount after I drink any cola or dark soda. But my favorite drink is probably apple juice (childish I know, but it is so fucking delicious)

I also hate the burning sensation in my throat when I drink those either,feels like a toxic waste.

Heh... not as childish as my favorite strawberry milk. :p

Yeah it is not satisfying in the slightest. Strawberry milk is so good!

So... What's the secret recipe?

Have you seen those Coca-Cola commercials with the polar bears in them?

How many cokes do you drink per night?

I don't really drink the stuff, but they also do have a lot of powerade in the warehouse. But I dont usually drink it, being on the night shift and all.

Does coca cola have bears with scarfs that work there?

That's classified information sir, please step back.

How about you make us buddy, you can't hide the secret from us.

Well your name tells me that I have a high chance winning this argument, back off guy.

Wait a minute.....are YOU one of those bears?

Wait a minute.....are YOU one of those bears?

Alright boys, they know too much, take em down!

How much Surge have you seen?

No surge, sarge

What's the average night/weeks intake/send out of coke?

I do not really know the exact amount, but I know it is a good amount. Also, the volume of product leaving and coming is dependent on many factors including, time of day, day of the week, and season.

Yes I know, I used to manage a warehouse, if you check all the trucks loads, you should be able to give a general estimate though.

By the way, which country?

Oh okay, thats cool. I'm in the US. And well I dont check exactly whats in the load, I make sure they take the correct loaded trailers and such, not so much exact inventory. But I'm sure I could figure it out by the number of loads and the weights of each trailer, but since its not important to my position it doesn't matter while I'm at work.

Do you get free cokes?

Sometimes the employees inside do give us guards some product, but I do not really drink Coke

Do they provide you with drinks if you get thirsty? Are you allowed to drink beverages that aren't Coca-Cola?

As stated in my edit, I do not work directly for Coca-Cola, just my security company that provides services to them. But yes they provide us guards with water and sometumes Powerades. They really do not want you drinking rival companies' drinks i.e. Pepsi but you just aren't supposed to have the labels showing. You can put it in an unmarked plastic bottle and still bring it. Same goes for rival companies snack foods.

That sounds completely childish.......

I know it does, but it is 100% true. Gotta put Doritos in a small baggie because thats a Pepsi product and we cant have the label showing

So this is awkward... I also work for that security company XD

Have you ever had to deal with client contacts or client employees who make your life even more difficult than the other contractors (IE drivers, etc.)?

I transferred away from my first site because the client contact hated me (I'm female) and she wanted me to quit.

Yes, I interact with client employees every day, and even the warehouse supervisors and such. They are very nice and seem to like me lol

Do you enjoy what you do? ( as for me thats what keeps me going on my 3rd shift....) ...yay graveyard

I don't mind what I do, but I definitely do not love it. I'm young, I'm jsut doing this job so I can get enough money to go to school and get my degree in Comp Sci/IT

So how many times have you heard of a trailer being stolen off of the property? It is not unheard of to have people show up at a gate with dooped paperwork that says they are there to pick up a trailer and leave with it. And someone only finds out when the real driver shows up or when the place says they never received the delivery.

Never actually, because they have to go through the guard on duty and you need a specific pickup number that matches the paperwork I have. They merely get thw number from their dispatch and then give ot to me and I give them the load papers and seal for the trailer.

I know your company. Sorry your job sucks, dude. Can't be much worse than InterCon Security, though! They blow horses.

Source: I worked for InterCon, and got fucked by them.

How long have you worked there and how long do you plan on staying? What's your end-goal?

Yeah, the company is absolutely terrible! They fuck you over on shifts and god forbid you ask for a day off. But I've been here about year, and I don't plan on staying much longer. Its just a money saving job so I can go to school

Where do you keep Santa?

He sleeps in the break room and only comes out to grab toilet paper and a smoke

Say it's your first day at the empire state building how do you handle a 30 ft. Gorilla?

You don't.

Do you intend to move up and branch out in private security or is this just a means to an end? (serious question)

also, if i may ask, what is your compensation and would you recommend this job to a single male?

No it is just a means to an end, just need money for school and such.

I mean if you're willing to do the work and stuff why not take the job, but if you're in school or working towards a dream or aspiration don't waste your time ith this bullshit haha

About how much coke would you say you guard on any given night?

Dude, its an entire warehouse full of Coca-Cola products....

Any near death situations?

One time I was climbing the wall near my guard shack and I slipped and fell and I thought I was going to die. I was fine, obviously.

Do you have guard dogs, and if so, do they really pee on top of the cans? My parents told me to always wash the top of the cans because of this.

No, no guard dogs. That would cost too much money for the company haha