IAma(n) ice cream man v2.0

Do you sell weed out of the truck also?

Nope.

Too bad. That's where I made most of my money when I was the Good Humour man.

Is good humor an ice cream brand?

Yes. Owned by the Unilever Corp.

Ahh ok I see. Nah I don't sell weed. I think some of the people who drive around the streets here do sell it though!

Good Humor is what we call "walls" in the UK.

Aaahhh ok

Do you ever get weirded out by Mr. Softee? Seriously, that dude creeps me out.

Yeah man its creepy.

Somebody did a horror remix of the Mr. Softee jingle, too, but I can't find it. :(

Oh man that's not even a nice thought.

I'm lucky I don't have to play the jingles as I'm not a street roamer. I have a patch where I sit all day.

What is the weirdest experience while selling ice cream?

Tl;dr I've had some crack heads come and order from me and a Pervy vicar

Two guys about 18 came up on bikes (they both had one trouser leg rolled up which made me question their fashion sense). Their arms were covered in scars and scabs and they didn't have a clean tooth between them. The younger guy wanted a £1.60 cornet. So the older guy pulls out a massive wad of £20 notes and hands me one.

I hadn't got any change for a 20 without giving him coins so I apologise and start to count out the £1 coins. Well safe to say he had a few choice words about my mother and how be was going to find me and kill me because I didn't have any notes to give him change.... That was pretty weird.

Same day that happened I had a vicar/priest come over and be really pervy and hit on me whilst I was getting him his ice cream. After saying he thought I was the best Mr Softee he'd ever met he proceeded to eat his ice cream right in front of the window and keep eye contact whilst licking.

I was glad there were customers behind waiting otherwise it would have been very awkward...

Life the an ice cream man is dangerous...

I wanted to be a police man but this seems to be dangerous enough

Cops cant sell things and be dangerous but this job is a prize winner

Indeed!

For the bicycles, the pant leg was rolled up so their pants do not snag the bike chains or parts while riding. A lot of riders do this.

Well there is that but here in the uk it seems like around my area drug dealers do this too

But you're not a Mr. Softee, right? How did that feel?

I'm not. It felt bad.

Three things: 1. Thanks for putting the Tl;dr at the top. 2. They probably had the rolled up pants so the leg didn't get caught in the chain. Can't explain any other of the behavior, though. 3. Mr. Softee is a demon who must be destroyed.

You're welcome, it needs to become a thing having the tl;Dr at the top!

Yeah that's what we all thought but I went to visit a friend recently in a local town and apparently all the drug dealers around there do it too. I should have added that the leg rolled up wasn't the chain side so that got me suspicious!

I also agree that he is a devil and needs eradicating!

Okay, yeah, that's weird. Also, thanks for not calling out the fact that I said pants. If they had rolled up their underwear, with nothing else - that would have been even weirder.

Haha no worries I used to go to an American school in Turkey so I'm used to all your lingo ;)

How many competing ice cream van men have you done over?

reason for question

None thank goodness, as the company I work for deals only on a contract basis (where they organise certain spots through the city where we can sit, I am positioned at a lake with good passing trade and the other vans go to a park and sell to people in the park)

We don't roam the streets. Next door to us are a lot of independent vehicles, they're all really nice but they don't speak to each other. I think they have all decided on different turfs to drive around.

I did have someone come and give me an ear full for sitting on his wife's spot but she'd cancelled her contract with the council, so our company had won the contract for the rest of this year! He threatened to rip my throat out until I had him speak to my boss and have everything resolved....

Would this be your truck here?

I will make it my mission to have that jingle on my van if I ever am allowed a jingle.

Have you ever asked anyone if you could have a lick of their cornetto?

Hah! 'I've had enough ice cream today love'

Edit: no one has yet, I have two weeks left of work for someone to pretty much make my day.

Edit 2: just re read. I have not. I will try. If I die, it was worth it. Goodbye cruel world.

Do you make kids chase you around a bit so they burn some calories?

Haha I wish. I sit in a designated spot next to a park all day so I can't do that....

Are you entitled to free ice cream while on the job?

I was never specifically told I couldn't have any whilst out.

So I justify the times I have some by assuring myself that its purely for 'quality control' and nothing else.

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There you go, if its not written down it didn't happen.

Oh.....

Does the mister softee mascot creep you out?

A little bit yep. We don't have any images of it on our vans though which is nice!

What's your favourite Ice Cream?

I like the soft ice cream but its really sweet.

On a summers day a calippo is my favourite.

Do you ever get tired of ice-cream?

Oh very.

Do you start the ice cream by filling the cone itself to create a stable base, then begin the spiraling or are you an asshole?

I am not.

Always get the middle of the cone full before I start spiralling

You're doing Gods work son.

Amen

How do you keep the tempiture just right to not make it melt or get to hard?

Well the machine that makes the ice cream should keep it at a decent temp. however they don't generally and if you leave it on then it super freezes it and it get stuck inside.

I generally just keep it off and turn it on every so often to make sure it stays fairly solid.

Yea there is going to be thermometer built in to the equipment, as well as thermostat somewhere. Have it calibrated and set it at the right temperature, much less wear and tear on the machine.

Yeah some of the machines are brilliant and you can keep them on all day. The older vans (which newer people like me are given) are more difficult to control...

I didn't know anything about refridgerators till I was told to fix one and I read the manual, it really is that simple. Calibrate or replace the thermostat and it will work as designed, it really doesn't matter how old the van is.

Yeah I've mentioned it to my boss and he thinks he's going to refurb them all over the winter break

Do you ever jerk it in your truck?

I do not. Too many windows. Less windows I would.

Are you Rupert Grint? If not does his selling ice cream cut into your profits and how do you intend to remedy this...situation?

Wingardium leviosa his truck right outta my spot!

I didn't realise he had an ice cream van! Imagine getting all that money and then doing that...

Do you see the fat kids trying to catch up and drive just a bit faster than they're going for a bit before you stop?

Haha no but fat parents will always buy a large for themselves and a small for their kids.

I always see it as them trying their best to not corrupt their kids, but its probably because they're greedy and want more ice cream to themselves.

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Yeah I get that a lot.

Along with 'bloody hell with these prices you're having a good day'

Well nope sir, I am making my wage. My boss who owns this van is having a good day.

Are you a one man band?

Yep. Everyone in the fleet runs their own van.

What was the best prank pulled on you by children?

Well it seems like all children cannot make a decision, so they will spend a good 5 minutes umming and aah'ing until they decide what they want.

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I don't have the music as I am situated in a certain contracted spot in our town.

I have lots of stupid requests,not many weird ones. All the ice creams I sell are on the window, people still seem to think I might sell ice creams which aren't on the board.

We sell a cornet with a flake for £1.60 but they have always been called a '99' I'm not sure why but there are lots of different reasons, none to do with the price. Lots of people come and try and give me £1 just due to the name. That annoys me.

How much do you charge for a '99'?

For comparison, where I work it's £2 for a regular ice cream and 30p extra if you want the flake.

When we operate in the park its £1.90 for a regular with a flake (£1.60 without flake) and £2.20 for a large with flake (£1.90 without).

Where I am on the weekend its 30p cheaper. I guess the contract for the park is more.

The prices where I work are a little extortinate.

£1.70 for a Blackcurrant Ribena push-up lolly, and we're not even in London.

Yeah it seems to vary. Looks like it depends where you are and how much you have to pay for contracts etc.

Vans like us who are stationary are generally more expensive than the ones that roam the streets.

As its the north of England I hear a lot of mumbling about prices.

The firm I work for is in Chesterfield, and I have my trailer in Bakewell.

People scoff at the prices multiple times a day.

The fight is real.

The fight is most definitely real...

Someone today tried to barter with me over the prices of the ice cream....

Where abouts do you operate?

Doncaster at the weekend and close to Nottingham in the weekdays.

Edit: the majority of vehicles from the company I work for are always in Clumber park

How's the money? You get an hourly wage or is it per-scoop or something?

Its hourly wage basis. Some other companies do a commission style pay but for the hours I work (a lot of standing around waiting for people to want ice cream) its good money.

I'm at uni still so its been a good summer job.

Right on, thanks for the reply!

No worries, don't take my word for it, most places might work on commission I'm not sure...

In my neighbourhood, we have an ice-cream van that comes round at least 6 nights a week in wintertime (and it's bloody cold because Scotland) but probably only once or twice over the entire summer. Jokes aside, he's selling drugs right? He must be! It's the most nonsensical thing ever!

Yeah that doesn't make sense whatsoever, must be something dodgy going on there...

Yeah and when you go to buy from him he invariably has a face like a boot, as if selling you ice-cream is a massive inconvenience!

'You want an ice cream from me? Do I look like I'm an ice cream man!?'

What flavor/combo/creation would you recommend that most people wouldn't think to order?

Unfortunately I don't serve any scoop ice cream I only serve just one flavour of soft ice cream. However I'd recommend it with some kind of sauce if the place offers it!