Iama professional semi truck driver. Someone told me to do one of these so AMA!

Are there really prostitutes working all the truck stops, and how often do you murder them?

Yes! I saw one my second night out with my trainer. I had heard about them, and I was kinda interested to see my first "lot lizard," however, it was very anti-climactic (haha). You've gotta realize, these are women(usually), who are too ugly or dirty to be strippers or even regular street hookers. I've seen them go to every door in a truckstop and knock on it. I've also seen a bunch of guys let them in. Truckers arw dirty and smelly and gross and definitely dont shower every day.

I haven't killed one yet, but I know a guy who threw a cup of piss on one, but that's another story.

What's the story behind the piss-throwing?

Ok. Truck drivers tell.stories like fishermen, so bear with me, im just telling it how I heard it.

This one guy had a lot lizzard knock on his window. He kept telling her. "No, I have a family,.leave me alone.", but she kept knocking. He started getting mad. Apparently, he had a cup full of piss (from a fast food joint or something), and he was holding onto it. He got sick of the hooker bothering him, and she wouldn't leave, so he tossed it on her.

Now the truck driver gets on the radio and tells the drivers yo call the cops if a black guy starts shit. (I know, in sorry).

Now her pimp drives over like it's an 80s movie, and tries to start shit. So the driver, who is like 6'8 and 280 steps out with a winch bar. Just after that, the cops come and arrest the girl, and the guy is like "where are you going with my girlfriend", and bbc.co arrest him and find money and drugs on him.

Again, truck drivers like to tell stories, but I know this guy and I belIeve him

I've heard that some truckers cut holes in the bottom of their seats so they can go #2 while driving. Is this actually true?

Lol no what the fuck.

Do you guys still blow your horns for kids making the signal or not so much anymore? I remember doing it as a kid, but recently on a road trip watched some kids in another car make several unsuccessful attempts.

Hell yes it's the best part of my day

How do you keep yourself healthy doing long hauls? It seems like long hours and lots of physical inactivity.

It's really hard to do, and that's why you see a lot of overweight truckers.

I would only stay out for two weeks at a time, so I would cook as much food as I could fit into my 12v cooler ahead of time, and I would warm it up in my 12v oven. I also eventually bought a microwave, so that helped a little.

I started out flatbedding, which is pretty much the most physical type of trucking, but even then I only got exercise every third day.

Dieting is crucial.

That makes sense... eating out all the time can really add weight even if you try to be healthy, even if you only do it for lunch.

Yup. I had to eat at truck stops my first week on the road. I quickly found out neither my gut, nor my wallet could handle it.

What is one thing that every passenger car could do to make your job on the road easier?

Just give trucks space. You dont need to go out of your way to do anything for us, just give us space and dont ride our a ass. I've had two tires blow this month.

How accurate are trucker stereotypes?

Fairly accurate. There are a lot of old school truckers out there. There are a lot of dirty, smelly, fat truckers too. Which stereotypes were you referring to?

How often do you masturbate while driving?

I need to be laying down to do it. I've pulled onto offramps/onramps and rubbed one out once or twice..

Do you strap your doors shut with a ratchet strap when you sleep in your truck?

No but I've seen a few drivers do that. Semis are easy to break in to

As a dispatcher for a city company, thanks for doing this. I think the general public really doesn't have much knowledge if any for what you gents do. Also, as a dispatcher, I would like to apologize to all the craptastic places we send you where you don't belong with a 53' and a sleeper.

My only question for you, especially as a local driver and this is something I deal with daily, how can I as a dispatcher make your jobs in general easier?

Edit:: As a follow up what do you drive? As a guess it looks like a 2010-2012 Freightliner Cab in the picture.

Lol it's okay about the 53' thing. I have fun backing into tight spaces, but I know all drivers aren't like that.

To answer your question, my company pays by miles and stops, and guys have their own routes and areas. A lot of guys complain when their dispatch sends them out of their area. Yesterday I was in romeoville, il, and I was sent 80 miles west to Dixon, IL, and then 80 miles back to Elgin, IL. Just a waste of time.

I like my two dispatchers. I realize that the routers have the most say of where I go for the first part of the day. I know that sometimes, there's nothing you guys can do. Sometimes one of my dispatchers will give me a choice between two places, and that's nice.

Sorry if I can't give you any tips, I might just be spoiled with some cool dispatchers haha.

I am a slip seat driver. Pretty much every truck besides the rental trucks are 9 speed Macks.

I do try to give my guys choices where possible. Most of the guys in my fleet are running 16 speed, Mack 2013 12L CNG at the moment. Thanks for the answer!

Dang 16 speeds? Are you guys heavy haulers or what?

Was there anything odd you saw while driving? If so, what did you do?

Oh god. The worst is actually from other truck drivers. It's crazy how many truckers I see texting. I've seen a few reading books, and I've even seen some drivers put a laptop on their dash and watch a movie. I blow my airhorn every time I see one of these idiots. Truckers already have a bad name and they aren't helping.

I've seen a guy in a car jerking off at 6pm on 355 in Chicago.

Last week I saw a car try to chase down a suburban and run it off the road.

Every day is something new.

Do you see a lot of sweet cleavage from up there?

Yes

Are lot lizards as scary as I think they are?

Worse.

I hope that there's a story here

Kinda. I was not-so-nice in declining her services, so she knocked on my door twice an hour until three in they morning. You gotta treat the hoes nice.

Have you ever been to Club 203? Is it anything like the report Vice did on it? Is it just a normal shake joint or truly the place strippers go to die?

I've never been there, but I heard its a shithole.

What state has the best highway system for you truckers? The worst? Thanks!

I haven't been on every one, but pretty much any highway in Indiana can go fuck itself. My favorite place was Texas. Big and easy.

Former vendor here. Do vendors for Miller/Coors, Pepsi, Lays, and other brands make your job difficult?

I would often hop out of the truck to run in a few cases of beer just to walk out to a trucker with his hand on the horn because my truck was in the path. But in my area it is first come first serve for the vendors and we all know it.

I've never had trouble, but drivers will complain about almost anything.

What annoys you most about car drivers? Sitting in a blind spot? Passing at weird times that makes you slam on the brakes? Road rage?

A big one for me is people cutting in front of me and slamming on their brakes, or cutting over to the off ramp. A truck can weigh up to 80,000 lbs and that kind of weight takes a long time to stop.

Also, I have to back off the street a lot, and I get the finger all the time. There is literally nothing I can do about it. I can't move the dock. I just smile and wave.

How often do you get on the CB radio? What's it best for? What's it worst for that it would be great if it could do? Any good stories from conversations on the CB?

I use mine every day. It's best for accidents. Truckers will get on the cb and tell the guys a few miles back which lane to be in. If you see a bunch of.truck drivers getting to one lane, it's probably best to do the same. It really helps in winter. It's probably saved my job once or twice.

I love listening to the conversations. I'm a terrible storyteller, so it wouldn't be funny, but the quick witted humor of seasoned truck drivers is hilarious.

Cool, thanks for the info! I've listened to the cb a few times on my scanner and it seems to me it's a bunch of truckers swearing a LOT. Is that what you find?

Yup. And the most racist truckers are In the north

Do you guys also use the CB Radios to notify each other that a cop is in the distance? Like the truckers getting into one lane, should I slow down if I start to see truckers slowing down?

Yup. You aren't supposed to say, "there's a cop here." So drivers will say, "there's a full grown bear (state trooper), at the 194 yard stick."

Have you ever been a target of burglars at a truck stop/ has anything ever been stolen out of one of your loads? If so, how is a situation like that handled?

I hauled flatbed when I was over the road, so you would have to rent a crane to steal my stuff. But a lot of truck stops have security guards at night, mainly to keep out hookers. I heard of a story one time that a few guys stole batteries out of 30 trucks at a truck stop. I have no clue.how you could do that without waking anyone up.

But I don't think it's a huge problem.

I've never had that problem, but I pulled a flatbed so you'd need a crane to steal my stuff. But no, I don't think it's a big problem. Most truckers look out for each other.

In your travels have you ever came across an attractive female trucker?

YES. Total milf in gary indiana of all places. Saw her in a traffic jam.

First of all: Wow, you're really cute. Had to get that out the way!

What are your least favourite places to drive? I imagine having to go through inner city traffic on crowded streets would be annoying, or are the long stretches of empty roads in the middle of nowhere worse?

Haha well thank you.

I signed up to drive Chicago every day, but only because I get paid a lot. I hate driving in big cities. My favorite place to drive was either Tennessee or Kansas. I like going fast with no one around me.

What is a "Trucker's friend"?

A cb radio, a good map, and satellite radio.

I have a friend family friend who drives a semi for a living. He's constantly having truck problems. How do you avoid or deal with this usually?

I drove for a big company, so all their equipment was brand new.

My girlfriend's dad drives truck though, and he always told me, "grease is cheap, metal aint." So grease those joints.

Why don't trucks move over for oncoming traffic if the left lane is clear?

Those are what we in the industry like to call, "assholes."

What would you consider the most memorable delivery you've ever made?

My buddy delivered six pallets of dildos one time. Not mine, but I chuckle every time I think about it

What is the worst thing that someone has done to you on the road?

I watched a driver try to open my toolbox behind the truck (I knew it was locked), and then he tried to open my truck. I walked up to him and said, "what do you think you're doing?" He told me to, "fuck off."

I told the truck stop security guy, but he didn't do anything.

Also someone took a shit under my trailer tire.

What the actual fuck? someone took a shit under your tire?

Yeah. It looked like they used it to hold onto while squatting.

I also saw a big pile of turds under a trailer one morning last winter (it was fifteen fuckin degrees out). The weird thing was there was no toilet paper anywhere. He just shat, pulled his pants up, and took off.

Was there a reason for this, or was the dude just randomly being a dick?

Nah,.he probably just didn't want to walk to the bathroom

When someone does something like the double flash to tell you it's OK to move into their lane, do you more often assume they're stupid and being angry at you, or do you usually think they know what they're doing and trying to be courteous?

I usually assume they are being courteous, but if they aren't another truck, I triple check

Do you ever want to run over cars? Even the littlest bit just for fun?

Lol yes. But I know that most cars dont know what it's like to drive a truck, so I understand their frustration

What is your favorite food to eat on the road?

I love alfredo. I make a shit ton before I used to leave and I'd heat it up on the road.

My favorite truck stop meal would be at the TA. Macaroni and cheese and buffalo wings.

According to some news article, there is a shortage of truck drivers in the United States. Is that true?

Yes! Huge shortage! So many jobs. Available, but the wages have sadly stayed the same.

Are Varicose veins a concern?

A lot of the bigger drivers have swollen calfs. I saw a picture on facebook a couple days ago of a guy in the ER that couldn't see his feet.

What is the etiquette on lot lizards? Do you approach them out do they come to you?

They knock on every truckers door. You need to be respectful when you tell them no, or else they will bang on your door all night. I learned that the hard way.

Sometimes they'll come up to you and ask you for gas money, or cig money or something.

And have you ever given money to one? Especially the one who kept knocking on your door until early in the morning so she'd leave you alone?

No definitely not

Fellow driver. Do you use electronic logs, and have you heard of a way to cheat them?

I use paper logs. But I have.used elogs. The qualcoms are the best. I've taken my 30 minute break in Chicago traffic

What went on with the hazmat spill?

http://www.chicagofiremap.net/2014/08/level-ii-hazmat-for-unknown-chemical.html?m=1

It was in Chicago this week. Guy leaked acid. Shut down trains, buses, and exits iff the Dan Ryan near 35th st.

Hey i am an intern for a company's logistics department that uses trucks all the time to move products, specifically flatbeds. What do u think of the upcoming transition to more mandatory "reset time", and switching to do an electronic tracking system to record hours on the road and down time?

I.hate the 34 hour reset. BecausE we can only take it once every week (or 196 hours, idk I'm drunk), but I've had to take a day off because I worked too much. I hate it. I.feel that Local drivers shOuld be different than over the road drivers

Do you watch ice road truckers, and What is your opinion on the show? and would you ever consider doing it?

I wAtch it once in awhile. I'd try it, but I make decenT money where I'm at. If I could fix my truck on the side of the road by myself, I'd totally try it

Why do most truck drivers feel like they can park wherever they want to? It never fails that they park 5 feet from the back of our cars at work while they go in to shop and make it hard for people leaving work to get out of their spots.

Those guys will tell you, "it's hard to find a place to park blah blah." But they are just being pricks. A lot of drivers will park wherever they want, and then throw their trash wherever they want, and tear up the lawn when they leave, and that ruins it for the rest of us.

I got two questions.

One. What is the most important piece of advice you can give to people driving cars when they're close to a semi-truck?

Two. What do you think of the technology of self driving vehicles? Do you feel your profession is threatened by technology?

Just give us space. We.don'tb need you to go out of your way to make life easier for us, but.Just don't tailgate us or cut us off.

I use gps on a daily basis, and that is far from perfect. I think there is a long way to go for self driving trucks. Even then, it will only be on the highways, and local drivers will still be needed to make deliveries

When another truck lets you pass, do you flash your taillights -- and how do you do that, is there a switch that lets you flash only the tail and not the headlights?

Yes. It dePends on what brand of truck you have. I believe internationals and volvos have a specific switch, otherwise I just flash my brights, or flash my hazards when I pass. Just bc another way to be courteous

What is your opinion of your fleet manager?

I loved my two fleet managers. Now I have two dispatchers. I have never had a problem.

For the record, I don't think you guys are assholes and I always do my best to be as courteous as possible. Following behind far enough to see your mirrors, slowing way down when I see your turn signals, etc. I'm a union man and I know you guys are on the clock and working when you're on the road.

My question is: do you guys ever get on the radio and talk about people who are extra considerate? I was wondering about it last week when I was driving through Indiana near Haute Terra where the freeway went down to one lane, and a semi was several hundred feet behind the next car in the left lane that was about to close. Some dickhead used the shoulder to cut around the truck, but I had just gotten to the bridge so I jumped over to the left to stop dickhead from going any further. The driver who had been behind me helped me box dickhead in while leaving me enough space to cut back in when the lane finally closed. I secretly hoped that the trucker noticed and was telling everyone on the CB what a bro I was being.

We don't usually do that, but if you let us in and we throw the hazards on for.a couple seconds, we're saying thank you

Would you ever want to do another job?

Definitely. I make great money, but I work 70 hours a week.I'd take a pay cut to be home more, even though I love my job

What's your favorite truck model? I have a soft spot for the old Peterbilts.

I looooooooveee peterbilts, but the best truck I drove was an international. So many features to make me comfortable

How many hitch hikers do you see on average on any given day? Have you ever picked up any? Any interesting stories?

Quite a few. I.totally would have if I was an owner operator, but I wouldn't risk my career on it. I felt really bad for the ones begging b in winter

I used to work in an industrial park. There would often be truckers, usually the day cab trucks, that would just pull out in front of a single car on the road from the side streets onto the more major one.

Example I worked strange hours so I never came in or left at the normal hours. I would often be the only car on the road. Every week at least once one of these trucks would just pull out right in front of me. They easily could have waited 2-5 seconds for me to pass, instead they pull out causing me to have to slam on my brakes. I dont want to seem like a whiny car driver, I get eventually you just have to go when its busy. But when Im the only car on the road, it doesnt make sense.

Do you ever do the above? If so why do you do this? If not, why would you think some do?

I don't, but I've seen it. I think they are just impatient. There's no good reason or explanation.

Do you guys get annoyed with people making the pull motion with their arms to get you to honk your horn?

Never. I love it. I'll honk for anyone.

Is it true you see other people bone on the highway?

I've never seen it, but I've seen people jerk off

Do you guys ever get on the radio and tell each other to cut off/hold up/piss off car drivers who are dicks?

I always get the urge to hang the finger to truckers who pass each other going the exact same speed and hold up traffic, but then I'm afraid he'll just radio to all his buddies to fuck with me up the road, then I think I'm just being paranoid but idk.

No, I've never heard that on the.cb. we know that there's a lot of douche bag drivers b out there, and we want you to know that we're not all like that

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